I Want It Painted Black
by Saritadreaming
Summary: Izzy Black *Bella* is a bad girl with issues. Edward Cullen is the vampire that brings it all down in an inner battle between darkness and light. He'll go to great lengths to melt her frozen heart. WINNER DARKELLA'S DARKEST TEMPTATIONS
1. Chapter 1 So Black

**"Winning Entry: Voter's Pick for the Darkella's Darkest Temptation contest"**

**Title: **_I Want It Painted Black_

**Summary: ** Izzy Black (Bella) is a bad girl with issues. Edward Cullen is the vampire that brings it all down in an inner battle between darkness and light. He'll go to great lengths to melt her frozen heart. WINNER DARKELLA'S DARKEST TEMPTATIONS M themes/LEMONS

***WARNING*: Rated M for references to drug use, cutting, foul language and lots of LEMON. If you are underage or any of these things are triggers for you, please do not read this.**

**Pairing:** Bella/Edward

**Word Count: **16,960

**Disclaimer: **I own Darren, Matt, Ricky and Jack. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all its characters—I like to play with them, and use them to get under your skin. Are we there yet?

* * *

**A/N: **Huge thanks to my lovely beta Jess (jkane180) for her awesomeness. She helped me a great deal with her valuable suggestions, input and toughness on a certain issue I had. Hehe. I heart you!

I have to _profusely_ thank my pre-reader, Sandy, for going through this process with me from minute one—squealing her way through each installment I sent her to peruse. You are a treasure beyond compare.

A shout-out to Athena, who was having a bad day, and provided me with the song lyrics that fueled the idea for the ending.

***Please note that the first chapter was originally a one-shot, and is fast paced and devoid of the amount of detail I usually put into my stories. I'd much rather you judge this story based on Chapter two and beyond. For those who are staunch E/B fans (like myself) this IS definitely an E/B story. Trust me.  
**

**PLAYLIST:**

**Paint It Black ~ **_**The Rolling Stones**_

**Ice ~ **_**Sarah McLachlan**_

**Possession ~ **_**Sarah McLachlan**_

**Down in a Hole ~ **_**Alice in Chains**_

**Lightning Crashes ~ **_**Live**_

**Pain ~ **_**Three Days Grace**_

* * *

"**I Want It Painted Black"**

_**I look inside myself and see my heart is black  
I see my red door, I must have it painted black  
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts  
It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black**_

_**~The Rolling Stones**_

**e·man·ci·pate** (ĭ-mān'sə-pāt')

**e·man·ci·pat·ed**, **e·man·ci·pat·ing**, **e·man·ci·pates**

To free from bondage, oppression, or restraint; liberate.

_Law_ To release (a child) from the control of parents or a guardian.

**/0\**

"You're so hot, baby..." he yelped out as he pumped into me.

_Yeah, I know._

"Are you close?" His hot, moist breath ghosted over my ear—which was much preferable to the wet slobber he painted my face with when he attempted to French kiss me. "I want you to come with me, baby."

_Not in this fucking lifetime. _"I'm right there with you...mm-mm...don't hold back," I whispered seductively. _Yeah, right._

Another lame fuck...against another lame wall...in another lame alley. Boring. I rolled my eyes, waiting for him to finish. I whimpered a few times, and bit his neck hard—that was going to leave quite the mark...oops!–sending him over the edge (not a very high edge either).

"YES, OH GOD! SHIT!" he screamed. I rolled my eyes again.

When he was done shooting his load, he wanted to smooch—not happening. I let my legs down from around his waist, my stilettos clicking against the wet pavement, and pushed him away. "Down, boy."

"What? Don't you want to...I mean..." he stuttered.

"What? You want to _cuddle_? We just fucked in an alley after meeting in a bar. It's not a warm and fuzzy kind of thing. Thanks for the sentiment though. See you around." I saluted him and started to saunter away.

"Wait! Don't you even want to know my name?" He came off sounding like a lost little boy—more like his true age now—which was probably only about eighteen.

"I already do." _It's Loser. _"Mike, right?" _Found that out when I rifled through your wallet, ass-wipe._

"Um, yeah. And you are?"

"Leaving..." I waggled my fingers at him without turning around, leaving him in the dark alley alone.

Port Angeles sucked. _This_ was the night life available around here? A bunch of bars that served either minors sporting pathetically fake IDs or scruffy looking biker assholes that stunk of stale beer and week-old BO? God help me.

I walked the streets for over an hour, not sure where I was going. My stilettos clicked along the sidewalks, my short, black skirt swishing against my thighs, my attitude saying _fuck off. _I found when I put off my unwelcome vibes most men had the common sense to leave me alone. Eventually, I found myself in a strange warehouse district that was dimly lit, and I realized I needed to get back to the lights of the city if I was going to get myself home. It was already close to 2am.

"Hey, baby..." a leering voice called from the dark. I could hear the scuffle of several pairs of feet.

"I'm not your baby, asshole." I kept on walking.

A few more voices joined the first, creating a chorus of catcalls.

"Ooooh!"

"She's fresh."

"Tough bitch!"

Still, I kept up my pace, walking with confidence. Everyone knew that predators looked for someone who appeared to be an easy mark. Plus, I was packing heat. These fucks didn't want to mess with me. Slipping my hand into my bag, I wrapped my fingers around my little friend.

"Hey!" he yelled out, and I could hear the sound of footsteps closer behind me. "Yo, bitch! I'm talkin' to you."

Suddenly, I stopped short and swiveled slowly on my heels. I looked the lead asshole dead in the eye. "Perhaps you'd like to meet some good friends of mine?" I smirked, pulling my gun out of my bag. "Smith & Wesson?"

A few of the guys gasped, but their leader just grinned at me cockily. "Is that a real gun, little girl? Do you even know how to _use_ it?" he jeered, pressing in closer. I knew if I allowed him to get the upper hand I was as good as dead.

_CLICK!_

I removed the safety and cocked the gun. "Oh, yes. Would you like a demonstration, fuckwit?"

Looking into his dark eyes, I knew he was coming for me; this guy was as stupid as the day was long. So I decided that a preemptive strike was in order.

_BANG!_ I shot him in the kneecap.

He writhed on the ground in pain, screaming like a girl. _Pussy._

"Anyone else?" I asked, looking around at the other three. They all mumbled, shaking their heads and looking anywhere but at me. But one of them...he looked a little sly. I thought he might try to come at me, so I shot him in the kneecap, too.

"What the fuck did you do that for?" His cries pierced the night.

The youngest guy stood there, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, and a large wet stain spread across the front of his pants. I wrinkled my nose, pointing the gun at his crotch. "Not very attractive." I shook my head, sadly. "Run along home, boys. If I ever see any of you again...I'm aiming for your little peckers. Got it?"

The two who were able to ran—leaving their friends lying in an ever-widening pool of blood while they screamed.

**~0~**

When I got home from Port Angeles, I unlocked the door and cringed as it creaked loudly. Obviously, it was in need of an oiling. Since I would be living here alone, I would have to hire a handy-man to fix things up or figure out how to do things for myself. I fumbled in the dark for the light switch, finally finding it. I flicked it on and pain immediately assaulted me as Charlie's living room came into view—no, not Charlie's living room—_my_ living room.

Charlie was dead. Bella Swan was dead. My skank of a mother might as well be dead.

The pain started rolling in like a freight train...images flying at me a hundred miles an hour...I fell to my knees just inside, managing to kick the door shut. My chest tightened, rendering me immobile—God, I just needed to get to my stash! Was it going to be like this every time? No...it must have been those stupid fucks that tried to attack me...bringing it all back. I was assaulted by memories, powerless to stop them from coming...

_Phil...my mom's pretty-boy husband...leering at me, giving me the eye, making innuendos. I was only sixteen, for fuck's sake! I begged my mom not to go on that business trip, but she insisted she had to. Phil tried to rape me, but I knew where he kept his Smith & Wesson. I reached into the nightstand, and I shot him right in the groin. He and my mother actually had __**me**_ _brought up on charges! When we were in the hearing and my mom was on the stand testifying, she said she didn't understand why her 'little girl' would do something like this. I stood up calmly and stated, "Because your husband tried to __**fuck **__me, Mom. You're a disgrace." The judge wanted to see me in chambers alone after my outburst. When we came out, sole custody of me had been awarded to Charlie, and I flipped my mother the finger as I left the courtroom. That was the last time I saw the stupid bitch or her sick fuck of a husband._

_When Charlie was killed by a husband that didn't want to stop abusing his wife only a few weeks later, I_ _had to face the possibility of returning to my mother's custody. The judge had given me her card—telling me to call if I had any problems—so I did. Being that I was Charlie's sole beneficiary, I had more than enough money to sustain me for many years. Billy Black, my god father, was the custodian of my trust fund until I turned twenty one. I immediately filed for emancipation from my mother, and when it was granted, I legally changed my name from Isabella Marie Swan to Izzy Black. Everyone thought it was in honor of Billy, and I allowed them to think what they wanted. The real reason was because my life fucking sucked. Black was my favorite color; it was what my insides looked like, the color I dyed my hair, the color of my nail polish, my clothing, my car...my heart._

"Oh, Charlie..." I sobbed, writhing around on the floor. The pain was debilitating. If I could just reach my stash...but no...it was too far away, hidden upstairs in my room. Grabbing at my purse, I rooted around until I found my pocket knife. I flipped it open and made a few careful cuts along my torso, where nobody would see them.

Wait for it...

YESSSS...

I could feel some relief as the blood trickled down my side. My breathing slowed, and as the pain reached a bearable level, I was able to crawl up the stairs to my room. I opened my dresser drawer, pulling on it so hard the whole thing fell to the floor, spilling out socks and underwear. I grabbed the cigar box with my stash inside, hugging it to my chest.

Opening the box, I wondered what would dull the pain tonight. I rifled through the little pills, the baggie of weed...and then my hand closed around it—the vile of white powder. _No_! Had to save that for a really bad time. Decided, I rolled a joint and grabbed some vodka—taking a swig straight from the bottle. I sat on the floor with my back against the wall, smoking and drinking, until the pain was dampened to a dull roar. I needed to get it together. Tomorrow I started school at Forks High. Ugh.

In the morning, things seemed a little better. I tipped back some liquid courage and smoked a few cigarettes while I tooled around the kitchen, gathering up some breakfast. My mind drifted over how I wound up living back here.

After Charlie died, I had gone to live with his sister in Chicago for a while. Aunt Jeanie was older than Charlie, and she just couldn't handle me—although God knows the woman tried. I stayed out late, drank, smoked, did drugs, partied, had lots of sex, got in lots of trouble. She finally told me I had to follow her rules or leave—guess which option _I_ chose?

One might wonder why an emancipated, soon-to-be eighteen-year-old with an extremely large trust fund would want to enroll in Forks High for senior year. I'm trouble, but I'm damn smart. I could run circles around most people with my intelligence—well, maybe not _emotional_ intelligence—and I didn't want to become one of those useless, vacuous females. I intended to graduate from high school and maybe even go to college. No, I didn't put a lot of stock in my fucked up life—a big part of me was doing it for Charlie—to honor his memory.

Last week, I had a meeting with the principal, Mr. Darling, (how cute...not), and he informed me that they 'knew all about me.' I asked him what the hell that meant. He said they were well aware of all the 'stuff' I pulled in Chicago. Right or wrong (wrong), I stood up and strolled over by his window in my short skirt and sighed deeply. Turning to face the courtyard outside, I hunched my shoulders, leaning over so he had a nice view, and started to cry quietly (somebody call the Academy Awards!) as I explained that I knew how bad I'd messed up, but I just wanted a chance to finish my education.

Mr. Darling was obviously uncomfortable—I mean, he couldn't exactly come over and _touch _me, now could he—so he cleared his throat and informed me that Forks High was all about second chances and I should come talk to him if I was given any grief. I thanked him profusely as I blew my nose on the crisp, white linen hanky that he produced from the pocket of his suit jacket. _Sucker._

See...everyone needs to be dealt with differently. Some softly, some with kindness, some harshly, some with a gun in their fucking face. It's all relative.

**~0~**

I stood across the street from Forks High, watching the students gather in cliques in the parking lot—welcoming one another back after summer vacation, looking to claim their 'place' in high school society. The red brick facade of the building, the cracking slate steps leading up to the newly painted front doors, the banners flying high in support of the upcoming football season...I suppose it all served its purpose and left the desired impression on many of these children. The guys would be fighting hard for a place on a sports team. The girls would immediately begin their campaign for Homecoming Queen, try out for cheerleading and/or attempt to snag a guy from the football team as their boyfriend. Those less blessed would join a club where they could do good deeds or geek it up with a bunch of other unpopular girls where they would pretend it didn't matter to them that they weren't at the top. Don't get me started on popularity—it's completely overrated and leaves one unprepared for this thing called _real life_...where nobody gives a flying fuck that you blew the captain of the football team or had more friends than brain cells. Wonder if being popular would have saved me from those assholes in the alley in Port Angeles...lemme think...nope! It was Bess, my trusty Smith & Wesson, that did the trick.

My lip curled in derision as I pondered all the asinine shit these kids _thought _was important. Good thing I wasn't interested in being Homecoming Queen...I didn't think my black lined eyes, viper bites, black nail polish, dyed black hair, style of dress or _fuck you_ attitude would win me many votes. I barked out a short laugh as I brought a cigarette up to my lips and lit it, drawing in deep and holding the smoke in my lungs for a good long time before letting it out slowly. There was a low stone wall running along the front of the library, so I hopped up there to smoke my cig while I watched the rest of the students arrive. When the final bell rang and the school grounds were deserted, I strode across the street and up the front steps, my boot heels clicking. I entered the office and asked to see Mrs. Cope, who was in charge of class schedules and also got to play Guidance Counselor.

"Ms...Black is it?" Mrs. Cope stood behind the counter; her glasses perched on the end of her nose as she looked me over.

"Yup." I traced the edge of the counter with my finger.

"You look familiar...aren't you Ch -"

I held my hand up. "Let's not go there, lady. The past is all _dead_ _and buried_. My name is Izzy Black—end of story," I said coldly. _Fucking small towns._

"Sure, okay, Izzy. You're a bit late this morning; school begins at eight," Mrs. Cope said brusquely.

"I'm aware of that, Mrs. Cope. From here on out, I'll be here on time." I didn't tell her that I did this on purpose—that I wanted to observe the students this morning and didn't want to fumble my way to class amongst the sea of bodies. I'd rather make an entrance.

"I've reviewed your transcripts and testing, Izzy. You're an extremely intelligent young lady. Forks High is too small to have a separate AP curriculum, but we do have an AP section within many of our general classes. The teachers assign work commensurate with the section you're assigned to. It may not compare to what you experienced in Chicago, but I hope you'll be satisfied with what we provide here."

"I'm sure it'll be fine, Mrs. Cope." This woman seemed truly nice; I liked her.

"If you have any problems—with anything at all, Izzy—my door is always open to you." Mrs. Cope placed a hand on mine and, for once, I didn't immediately yank it away. There was something motherly and caring about her. "Now, here is your locker assignment and combination, your schedule and a map of our little campus," she tittered.

"Thanks, Mrs. C." I saluted her and took off for my first class.

**~0~**

First period was English. Apparently, everyone was treated the same in this class, and I got to sit next to the girl with the fewest brain cells—Jessica Stanley. Holy shit but she was stupid!

"Hey, I'm Jess. You must be Izzy, right?" Her Bubble-Yum breath made my stomach roll.

"Good guess; how ever did you know?" I rolled my eyes.

"Um...don't those metal things hurt? Do they get stuck on stuff?" she asked, eying up my viper bites. _Good grief._

The teacher started talking, and I was given a slight reprieve. It didn't last long since she was called out of the room by another teacher.

"Hey, um, Izzy? I heard you live alone."

"That's right. I'm emancipated."

"Wow. Is that like, a medical condition? Like being constipated?" she whispered, eyes wide.

"Sort of...see, when you're _constipated_ you're bound up by shit, and when you're _emancipated_ the law helps release you from shit you shouldn't be bound up by," I smirked.

"Oh, so it's kind of like...diarrhea?" she wrinkled her pert little nose.

"Yeah, Jess; that's it." I patted her hand.

She was kinda cute for a stupid chick.

Jess assigned herself to me for the rest of the morning. It was obviously _not_ a requirement that you have a lot of brain cells to be popular in this school because Jess was well-liked by everybody. The thing was, I couldn't bring myself to dislike her—much. She introduced me around and told me who everyone was, which was very useful. I already knew I wanted to fuck Tyler Crowley and Matt Greene. I already knew that I hated Lauren Mallory—she was a skanky, bleached-blond, snarky bitch—it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. Lauren thought she was 'the shit.' She was one of those chicks that was popular in spite of the fact that they were rude and treated everyone around them like dirt. Her silvery fish-eyes looked me over balefully when Jess dragged me into study hall and introduced me around. Then I found out that Tyler Crowley was her boyfriend..._oh yeah!_

Jess and I did not share the class before lunch, and as we parted ways, she said she would meet me in 'The Caff' next period.

"Jess, no, really. I like to sit on my own at lunch. I'm really not a social kind of person. You've been really nice and all...but no."

"Okay, Iz. Maybe some other day?" And off she went like a happy little puppy. Wow. I even let her get away with calling me Iz—I hated that.

I got to lunch early and snagged myself a table in the back corner facing the whole room. This way, I could be alone but scope out what was going on around me. Once everyone was seated, I found that I had a great view of Tyler Crowley. When Lauren wasn't looking, I gave him a look that left no question about what I was offering—and I could tell by the way he adjusted his pants that he was an easy mark.

I took out my copy of 'Anna Karenina' and started reading. I was on my fifth pass of this book. I got the shivers every time—not that I'd be admitting that to anyone. Imagine though—being willing to die because you couldn't be with the one you loved. I'd never been in love and didn't expect I ever would be—so I had no frame of reference—but it gave me tingles nonetheless. Maybe love was one of those universal things that even someone as damaged as me aspired to on some level.

My thoughts were interrupted by a gravelly voice. "Hey." Turning my head, I found myself at eye level with a crotch clad in black jeans, the waist adorned by a black leather belt with silver spikes. Looking all the way up past the black t-shirt, I found myself faced with a chalky-white male wearing eyeliner, a chain connecting his nose to his ear and hair gelled into an incredibly intricate 'do.

"Can I help you?" I asked him.

"We saw you over here alone and thought you might be looking for somewhere you...fit in." He nodded over to his table which held a few more Goths, both male and female. I noticed he wasn't alone by my table; there was another guy standing behind him and to his right.

"What the fuck? Do I _look_ like someone who gives a shit about fitting in? I'm not a Goth, okay? I'm just Izzy. I wear black because I fucking love it and because it reflects my life—I would roll in black if I could—but that doesn't make me a Goth. Push off—I'm not looking to make new friends or join a cult." Dismissing him, I turned my head back to my book and started reading.

"Fuck you, bitch! We were just trying to be nice," he huffed as he turned on his heal and strode back to his table. I never bothered to look up to see the reactions of the rest of his crew.

As I continued to read, I felt a presence, which I tried to ignore. The other Goth that had come over with him was still standing next to my table.

"Are you going to stand there all fucking day, Gomer?" I asked in annoyance, not looking up from my book.

"No." I could hear amusement in his tone. But he didn't say anything else—just stood there silently.

Finally, I slammed my book down, glaring up at him. He was tall, thin and wiry, with hazel eyes and wavy brown hair. He had tongue, nose and eyebrow rings and wore eyeliner. "You know, I can't read with you looking over my fucking shoulder, fuckwit."

"I know."

"O-kay...so what can I do for you?"

"May I sit?" There was something about his eyes that made me want to know more...that felt familiar. Aside from that, his approach was different than most.

"Well, since I can't get any reading done...I suppose so. But I reserve the right to kick your ass out at any time."

"Agreed." His lips quirked up in a smile. "I'm Ricky, by the way," he said, taking the seat across from me.

"Hello, Ricky."

"I just wanted to let you know that I understand. I'm sorry about Darren, by the way." Ricky relaxed in the chair, his arms on the table in front of him, seeming completely at ease.

"What do you understand?"

"You're in pain."

"What the fuck do you know about it?" I bristled. Had someone been talking? Did word reach here about my problems in Chicago?

"Easy, Izzy. I don't know any details—I just recognize the signs. Where do you cut?"

"Excuse me?" My expression was incredulous and even more shocking was the fact that I allowed him to keep talking.

"You're wearing short sleeves, so you obviously don't make cuts on your arms," Ricky said matter-of-factly. There was no judgment in his eyes, no pity, seemingly no desire for a juicy story. I didn't speak; I just glared at him because I didn't know what else to do. Here I was on my first day in a new school, and someone had already figured out I was a cutter? Granted, he didn't seem the type to gossip, but...

"Izzy, let me show you something..." Ricky surreptitiously lifted his long-sleeved black t-shirt to reveal a ladder of scars running up his forearm. They were old scars, long healed over. My eyes shot up to his. "I understand because I've been where you are. God, you reek of it—at least to me. The others will just assume you're a bitch, but I see something different. And don't worry—I would never say anything to anyone."

"I'm _not _spilling all my secrets to some skinny kid I just met because he has scars on his arms."

"I know."

"So why the fuck are you telling me this, and why did you show me your scars?"

"Because I want you to know you aren't alone, Izzy Black. If you ever need someone to talk to—you can count on me—even if we aren't friends. I've been to hell and lived to tell about it and you will, too."

"Thanks, Ricky. That's a really nice sentiment, but how do _you_ know I'll make it?"

"Because I recognize the look in your eyes. You're a tough bitch, and eventually you'll work your way back to the surface. I'm going to give you my cell number. This is just between us—you can even pretend you don't know me at school if you want." Ricky ripped a piece of paper off an envelope in his pocket and wrote his cell number down. He handed it to me and then got up to leave.

"Ricky." He turned back to look at me. "Thanks."

I programmed his number into my phone. I wouldn't ignore him when I saw him at school. He was one of the rare ones.

On my way out of the cafeteria, I slipped Tyler a note.

_Tyler,_

_Skip last period and meet me in the woods behind the school. I'll make it worth your while._

~_Izzy~_

I didn't wait to see his reaction—I already knew he'd be there. I chose last period because I had gym with Lauren and the doors faced the woods. Wouldn't it suck if she saw us stumble out of the trees? Oops!

**~0~**

After lunch was Biology. I got there a few minutes late and spoke with the teacher, Mr. Grey. He showed me where the AP section was and gave me a table assignment. When I saw my lab partner, I nearly passed out. He sat at the table nonchalantly, not paying attention to anyone around him. He was beautiful—inhumanly beautiful—_because he wasn't human_. The tall, lean-muscled Adonis sitting at my lab table had eyes of molten butterscotch and a mess of bronze hair with strands that seemed determined to poke out every which way. His mouth was made up of plump, red, ripe, kissable lips. The bad news? He was a vampire. My heart hit the floor and bounced back up, slamming in my chest. The vampire frowned, his eyebrows scrunching up, and he shot a quick glance my way. Surely he could hear my elevated heart rate.

I decided this was not a good situation, so I stood and made my way over to the teacher and asked to be excused to the bathroom. Rushing from the room, I was assaulted by feelings I wasn't ready for. Entering the Girls' Room, I locked myself into a stall and sat there rocking back and forth. I reached under the collar of my shirt, fingering the crescent of cold, hard skin there. A fucking vampire? Not just in my school but as my lab partner? My breathing grew shallow, and I knew I was going into a panic attack. Shit. The memories came flashing back...

_James, the guy I picked up at a bar in Chicago, was fucking me up against a wall. He had a unique scent, and when he breathed close to me, I was unable to think clearly. I thought maybe he put something in my drink._

"_Turn around!" he ordered, pulling out of me, his voice harsh. I did as he asked, and he grabbed me by the hips, pulling me toward him, entering me from behind. He started pounding into me harder and harder—and then I could hear growling. I got scared, thinking there was some kind of animal nearby, but then I realized it was coming from James._

"_James..."_

"_Shut up! Yes...I'm so close. I'm going to mark you, baby." I had no idea what he was talking about, but he was starting to sound a little crazy. "Oh, here it comes...YES!" he roared in my ear, and then I felt his teeth plunge into my neck where it meets the shoulder._

_It hurt like hell until he sucked out the venom (as he later explained), and then he told me he was a vampire. He had marked me as his (was that like a dog pissing on a fire hydrant?) and that he would be back for me._

I had to think rationally here. Just because I came across a sadistic vampire didn't mean they were all bad, right? After all, he told me his eyes were red because he drank human blood, and this other vampire had gold eyes. I wasn't sure exactly what that meant, but I doubted he would be in high school if he was evil. Right?

Calming down, I returned to class and sat next to the vampire.

"Hello," came his voice, smooth as velvet. "I'm Edward Cullen."

"H-Hi. I'm Izzy...Black," I stammered, still not looking him in the eye.

"Are you okay, Izzy?"

"Yes," I answered a little too quickly. "Why would you think otherwise?"

"The way you ran out of here before," he answered in that smooth as chocolate voice—but _I_ knew that he was going by my earlier vital signs—which he was not going to share with me.

Turning in my seat, I faced Edward, looking him directly in his golden eyes. "I know what you are," I whispered, low enough so only he could hear me.

His lips quirked in a lopsided smirk. "Oh? Enlighten me."

Well, let's see if we can wipe that smirk off your face, _Edward. _"Vampire," I whispered.

His facade slipped, but to his credit, he caught himself quickly. "That's interesting...if you believe in such things. Have you found any other mythical creatures in the school?"

Oh, so he was going to be condescending, was he? I slipped my hand inside my purse and pricked my index finger on the blade of my pocket knife. Edward immediately stiffened in his seat, and his eyes turned dark. Bringing my bleeding finger up to my lips, I licked the bead of blood with my tongue. "Geez, I hope you're not hungry. That would be very bad for me, wouldn't it?"

Edward's nostrils flared, and he looked quite angry with me. Turning away, he ignored me for the rest of the class. He was gripping the lab table hard, and I thought I heard a splintering sound once.

When the bell rang, I was up and out of my seat quickly—I had an appointment with Tyler. As I reached the end of the hallway, I found my wrist captured by Edward's long fingers. I tried to pull away, but I might as well have been trying to escape from iron manacles. He pulled me along behind him until he found an empty classroom, which he yanked me into, closing the door. He rounded on me, looking fierce. God, but he was a beauty!

"You're mad," I said quietly.

"You think? What the hell _was_ that back there? Do you ever even stop to think of anything but your own amusement?" he spat through gritted teeth.

"Are you going to eat me now, vampire?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow.

We both noticed at the same time that Edward was still holding my wrist—he dropped it but continued to lean toward me in an intimidating way. He said nothing, just stared at me with those eyes.

"You _are_ a vampire, right? I mean, your eyes got dark when I cut myself, and I thought you would break the table. Your scent is a little different...but if I get close enough, I can't think as clearly." I cocked my head to the side. "Your eyes though...they're gold instead of red. Do you wear contacts?"

Suddenly all the fierceness drained out of Edward, and he looked almost defeated. "Where are you getting this information?"

"Let's just say...I have personal experience with vampires. I recognized what you are. I'm assuming you're not an evil one since you're going to school and all?"

"No, I'm not evil, and I don't drink from humans. My eyes are gold because I exist on animal blood. I shouldn't be telling you any of this—it's strictly forbidden—but you seem to know a lot already." Edward raked his hand through his hair with a sigh. "And how about your secret, Izzy? How many people know that you fill your body with...substances?"

I drew in a sharp breath. "This conversation is over. I won't spill your secrets—make sure that you don't spill mine. I have to be somewhere. See ya', Cullen." Pushing past him, I made my way outside the school to the woods.

Tyler was sitting on a log, smoking a cigarette. "Hey, Izzy. I was about to give up on you," he drawled.

"I just got held up. I wouldn't stand you up, Ty; you're way too hot for that," I purred, licking my lips.

Sauntering over to where Tyler sat, I straddled him, placing my arms around his neck. He flicked the cigarette away and put his arms around my waist, rubbing his hands up and down my sides. Wasting no time, I brought my lips to his and kissed him, slipping my tongue into his mouth. I could feel him grow hard. Breaking away from the kiss, I stood up pulling him with me.

"God, Izzy, you're so hot..." Tyler panted, grabbing me by the hips and grinding his pelvis into me. I slipped my hands between us and unzipped his pants, freeing his rather large cock. "Oh..." he groaned.

"Fuck me, Ty. Right here against this tree," I whispered against his ear.

"Now? For real?"

"Now. For real." Pulling a condom from my purse, I ripped it open and rolled it on him. I took my panties off since he seemed to be a little...shell shocked at the moment. He was a fast learner though...he pinned me to the tree and pulled my legs up around his hips, entering me slowly. "Oh, yes. You're so big, Ty," I breathed.

"You're so sexy, Izzy." Tyler kissed me hard as he started pumping into me. "God, those boots and that skirt..."

I had to say, he wasn't a bad lay. I didn't come, of course—I never did. But I felt fucking powerful, and that was something I needed to feel.

After we were done, we smoked a joint together. I looked at my watch and realized that Gym class was about to let out into the courtyard. I herded Tyler back toward school and pretended to trip at an opportune moment so he would grab me. While we were halfway across the field from the woods, and he was holding me in his arms, Lauren walked out of the gym with a few of her cronies. One of her friends poked her, pointing to me and Tyler. He was too busy helping me to notice that Lauren was giving us both death glares. _Oops_.

When I got out to the parking lot, I saw Edward Cullen with..._four other vampires_! They were getting into their cars. Under my breath I said, "Holy shit! How many of them are there?" Maybe Forks wasn't as quiet and boring as I thought...

**~0~**

I picked up a pizza on the way home and ate it while doing homework. I smoked a joint, drank some Vodka and settled in for some TV. Before bed, I changed into my pajamas and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I heard a creak on one of the floor boards in my room. Thank God, I had gotten in the habit of keeping Bess with me when I was in Chicago. I grabbed the gun, letting the safety off, and padded to my room as quietly as possible. I peeked around the doorway, but all I could see was the shadow of a man in the corner of the room.

"Freeze, asshole!" I screamed, cocking the gun and bringing it up in front of me the way Charlie taught me.

"Those would bounce right off me, you know," Edward smirked as he turned to face me. Again, I was struck by his beauty.

Huffing, I put the gun down. "What the fuck are you doing in my house?"

"You saw my family," he stated. "I thought we should talk."

"Did you ever hear of a phone? A doorbell? How the hell many of you are there?"

"Sorry about intruding; that was wrong of me. There are seven of us. We live together as a family, and none of us drink human blood. Please don't make trouble for us," he said softly. Those eyes...a girl could really fall into them.

Putting Bess down on my dresser, I walked over to where Edward was standing. Damn, he was tall. I reached out and put my hand on his chest—cool and hard..._nice_. "The kind of trouble I'd like to make for you...you'd really enjoy, Edward. Since we're already here in my bedroom..." Going up on tiptoe, I aimed for his lips. A second later, I found myself alone. "What the..."

Turning, I saw that Edward had moved to the other side of the room beside the open window—presumably how he'd gained entry. His eyes were hooded, and I couldn't figure out his expression. "I'm not interested in becoming one of your conquests, Izzy," he said coldly. "Jesus, how many times a day -" he broke off.

"What? Go ahead and finish!" I spat, lighting a cigarette.

"I know about your foray with Tyler," he said quietly. Oh.

"_Foray_? Who the fuck talks like that? I fucked him up against a tree. And your point is?" I strode over to him while talking, backing him up against the window, my body close to his but not touching.

"What self-respecting girl screws a guy she just met to piss off a girl she doesn't like? I'm not interested in being a notch on your belt, Izzy. Call me old-fashioned, but I think there should be meaning to making love to someone." Edward pushed me away gently, moving from the window and sitting in the rocking chair in the corner. The disappointed look in his eyes bothered me. Why? He was just some stupid vampire!

"I don't have any self-respect, Edward. There's a big difference between making love and fucking. I don't _make love_—I've never _made love_. Feelings, love, counting on other people—that's all shit that gets you hurt. Fucking is something that's clear cut—_that_ I can understand. It dulls the pain." Turning away, I screamed at myself..._why are you telling him this? It's none of his business! _"I think you should go, Edward." I took a hit of my cigarette and held it for a long time before letting it out. I yearned for my vial of white powder.

"Why? Because you're scared?" he asked quietly.

I rounded on him. "Scared? I'm not scared of you! I'm not scared of anything." My voice rose almost to a screech. _Really cool, Izzy._

Edward smiled sadly. "Sure you are, Izzy. You're scared of feeling something. Isn't that why you drink and take drugs? Why you've built up that mile-high wall around you so nobody can get in? You always have to be in control because you're afraid of what might happen if you're not."

"Fuck you, Edward. Don't come around here with your self-righteous bullshit. You don't know jack about me. You know, you're as bad as one of those loser therapists. It's so easy to talk. Get the fuck out of my house." I grabbed my cigar box, heading out the door of my bedroom. "When I get back in here, you'd better be gone." I didn't look back to see his reaction or listen for his answer.

Hightailing it down to the kitchen, I took out the vial of white powder, my hands shaking. I wiped my nose afterward, sliding down the kitchen wall to sit on the floor, and allowed the full effects to hit me. The ball of ice in my chest receded until it was just a dull pinpoint. I smoked another cigarette, and then I took my phone out and called Ricky.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Ricky."

"Izzy?"

"Yeah."

"Are you fucked up?"

"Yeah."

"Why? Did something happen?"

"More like some_one_ happened."

"Oh. A guy got to you, huh?"

"No! He's judging me, and I don't know why it bothered me. He has no fucking right!" I mumbled defensively.

"He got to you."

"No. I just met him. He's so straight-laced I couldn't even get him in the sack."

"Well, shit! A challenge." Ricky's hearty laugh came over the line.

"Ricky? What do you do when someone or something makes you hurt more? I just did some blow. I haven't had to touch the stuff for a while...it's a setback."

"You call a friend _first_ you dumb-ass! Next time, call me and I'll help you through it, okay?"

"You're...my friend?"

"Yup."

"Thanks, Ricky."

I hung up the phone and cried.

**~0~**

In between classes, I was in the Girls' Room fixing my makeup when the door slammed open, and Lauren entered with an entourage. There were about six of them, and one stayed outside to make sure nobody came in. Oh, so that's how it was going to be.

Lauren sidled over to me. "Listen, bitch -"

I turned away from the mirror and grabbed the front of her shirt, pulling her up against me. "No, YOU listen, _bitch. _Don't start something you can't finish. I would love to put you through the wall, however, I don't want to be suspended my first week. Tell you what...let's take this off school property, and I'll really fuck you up."

Lauren looked smug. "There are eight of us and one of you."

I flung her away from me so she fell on her ass. "Are there, now?" I looked around at the girls in the bathroom. None of them met my eyes for more than a second or two. "Listen up, girls! I understand your need to support a friend, but let me tell you that this skank is nobody's friend. Lauren thinks she's better than all of us. I've only been here a few days, but I'd bet she would screw any of you over if it benefited her in some small way. Any of you who stay and help Lauren will be punished. I'll systematically come after your sorry asses...one by one. Look in my eyes...am I serious? This all started because I fucked Tyler Crowley up against a tree. I'll fuck all of your boyfriends up against the same tree. If you don't have a boyfriend, I'll find another way to get you. If you leave now, all is forgiven. So tell me girls...is this bleached-blond skank worth _my_ wrath?"

One by one, they all filed out of the bathroom, leaving Lauren alone with me. Her mouth worked but nothing came out. I picked her up by her hair and pushed her up against the wall. "I will fuck Tyler whenever I want...wherever I want. _You_ will stay out of my way, bitch." I took my switchblade out of my purse and held it up in front of her face, and her eyes grew wide with fear. "I'll give you one freebie. Next time, I'll cut your fucking face." I let go of her, and she fell to the floor, sobbing.

Kicking the door open with my boot, I swept into the hallway, feeling good. Edward Cullen was leaning casually against the wall at the corner of the hall with his arms crossed. His face was unreadable.

"What? Are you stalking me now?" I spat at him.

"No. Just making sure you don't hurt someone."

I rushed up to him and got in his face. "That fucking bitch brought seven girls to mess with me, and you were protecting _her_?"

"You don't need my protection, Izzy. You don't need anybody." Edward turned and walked away.

"Fuck you, boyscout," I muttered.

Why did it hurt that he let Lauren come after me, but he was ready to intervene if I hurt her? Did he have a thing for that skank? And why did it matter to me anyway?

**~0~**

A few days later as I sat eating lunch, Ricky stopped by. "Can I sit with you today, Izzy?"

"Sure." I had a smile for Ricky. He was a fellow traveler on this treacherous path. Edward Cullen sat clear across the cafeteria from me, but he turned his head my way as though he could hear what we were saying. Interesting.

"You doing okay?" Ricky asked quietly as he sat down.

"Fair to middling. My nightmares are back, so I'm sleeping like shit. The schoolwork here isn't exactly challenging for me, so that's a plus."

"Wanna talk about the nightmares?"

"No, I can't," I said breathlessly, the air leaving my lungs just thinking about them. I tried to gulp in some air, but it wasn't happening. "Shit."

"Sorry, Izzy, I should have known better. Come outside with me."

"N-no. Everyone will see."

"We'll just make it look like I'm one of your many conquests, eh?" Ricky took my hand, pulling me up out of my seat. He slung an arm around me, holding me tighter than it appeared, and led me outside around the back of the building. I collapsed under a tree, gasping deep breaths of vital air.

"That bad, huh? I'll never bring anything up at school again; I'm sorry." Ricky hugged me to him, and I laid my head on his chest.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Izzy?" he spoke after a while. "Why don't you ever try to sleep with me? Am I not attractive?"

"Ricky, you're too special to me. You're my only real friend here. You understand; you've been through the fire and lived to tell about it." I looked up at him. "Why don't you have a girlfriend?"

"Because I'm not ready yet," Ricky sighed, looking away.

"Are you sure? Because you sound like you know more than some therapists I've been forced to talk to. Whoever gets you will be very lucky, and if she ever hurts you, I'll fuck her up." Ricky busted out laughing, and I soon followed, until we were just a puddle of black clothing under the tree.

As I caught my breath, I thought I saw Edward Cullen disappear around the corner of the school.

**~0~**

Nights were hard for me. The nightmares were debilitating. Last night I started to dream, screaming out in my sleep, but I felt something pressing on me—this layer of comfort I had never felt before. The dreams receded, and I fell into a dreamless slumber for the rest of the night. Maybe it was a sign that I was getting better?

Pulling on a blue cami and some boy shorts—I never could sleep in anything much—I smoked a joint and knocked back some Vodka before crawling into bed. The dreams started almost immediately.

Phil trying to rape me...my mother calling me a little tramp...Charlie's bloody body...James biting my neck and telling me he would return for me. It all jumbled up together, the events moving in different orders, but the end results were the same—my life was fucked.

"_NO, Phil, stop! Don't touch me! Please..."_

"_Oh, God, Charlie...please, no. Don't leave me! You can't die!"_

I thrashed in my bed, crying, coming to consciousness as I felt my bed dip down. "Izzy..." a disembodied voice whispered.

Bess, always under my pillow, was out and cocked in seconds. I brought her up and found her aimed right between Edward Cullen's eyes. "Jesus Christ, Cullen!" I fell back against the bed which was drenched in my sweat.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you," he said softly. His eyes were pools of sympathy. _Oh, hell no._

"Get out." I tried to turn away, but Edward grabbed onto me. I struggled. Vampires are super strong...there is no getting away. Damn him. The tears were still leaking out of my eyes, and I was mortified. I didn't want Edward fucking Cullen seeing me fall apart like this. "Get. Out."

"No."

"What do you mean, 'no?'" I started, but a cool finger was pressed to my lips.

"Shh. You need sleep, and I don't. Let me help you." His voice was smooth as silk and sexy as hell. Oh, how I wished someone could help me sleep.

"You can't help me."

"I already have, Izzy."

"What are you talking about?"

"Last night. You were screaming...so..."

"Wait—you were in here last night?"

"I heard your screams...it sounded like someone was in here slaughtering you. I-"

"You're a vampire; you would know there was only one heartbeat. And what were you doing close enough to my house to hear my screams?" I raised my head, swiping at my drying tears, and looked him in the eyes—those beautiful topaz eyes. He looked uncomfortable all of a sudden. "You freakin' stalker! You _have _been spying on me! I've been thinking I'm going crazy—I see you everywhere."

"Izzy...let it go. I'm concerned about you, and I'm willing to help. Will you let me?" Edward whispered against my ear. Oh, so not fair what he was doing! A shiver ran through me.

"What did you do last night, you creepy stalker? I started to have the nightmares, but then I felt this comforting pressure...and they stopped. I didn't dream anything the rest of the night. That's never happened before." I turned my head away from Edward's intense gaze as I spoke because he was making me feel strange. It had to be his vampire lures, and I wasn't getting taken in like I had been with James. No way.

"I did this..." he said softly, nuzzling his face into my hair. He put a cold, hard arm across the top of my body, pressing down firmly, and flung his leg over both of mine, holding them to the bed. Logically, this should have sent me into a complete panic attack—and I drew in a sharp breath in preparation for one—but it never came. After a few minutes, I felt my body completely relax, and I grew drowsy.

"How? Why? I don't understand."

"I don't know, Izzy. I heard you in distress, and it bothered me at a deep level to hear you so distraught. I just did what came natural...and it worked. You calmed down almost immediately and fell into a deep, peaceful sleep. Will you let me stay?"

"You won't tell? You won't use it against me later?"

"No, never. Izzy..." Edward put a finger under my chin, turning my face to his, looking deeply into my eyes. "I would never purposely hurt you. When are you going to realize that?"

A tear escaped, sliding down my cheek, and he kissed it away. I felt a jolt of electric current run through my body. He drew back quickly, and the lost look in his eyes almost killed me. "What is it, boyscout? What demon is chasing _you_?" Edward simply shook his head, but I knew he was lying. It took one to know one. "Don't want to talk about it, huh? I can respect that. I'm not talking, either. I do need to sleep though, so...goodnight."

I closed my eyes, literally content for the first time in years. This was the first time since Phil tried to rape me that I actually felt safe. The thought caused fresh tears to form. God, I was being such a pussy.

"Goodnight, Izzy."

"Thanks, boyscout. You're okay...but if you tell anyone about this, I'll destroy you."

"Duly noted."

**~0~**

Over the next several days, Edward frequently showed up when I had bad dreams. We didn't talk about it—he just held me down until I went to sleep—and in the morning, he would be gone. At school, he acted polite but didn't talk to me much. He certainly never let on that there was anything out of the ordinary about our relationship. It still rankled that he wouldn't fuck me, and I planned to change that soon.

One day, I was sitting at my usual table reading, when a soft voice startled me. "Bella? Bella Swan?"

I looked up to see Angela Weber. Angela and I used to be friends way back when we were in grammar school. She was a nice girl—not the kind that would hang with the likes of Izzy Black. "Bella Swan is dead." I went back to reading, ignoring her.

"Bella, I know that's you. Why didn't you call me when you got into town?" Angela whispered.

"Get fucked, okay? Listen to me carefully. _Bella Swan is dead_. My name is Izzy Black."

"S-sorry," Angela stammered, tears filling her eyes.

"Oh, shit. You're not going to cry now, are you? Look, sit down for a minute." I rolled my eyes. Angela pulled out the chair across from me. "Listen, a lot's gone on since I was a kid. I don't go by that name anymore. That girl...she's dead. They killed her. All that's left is what you see here. Do yourself a favor and run like hell. I'm not the kind of girl your dad would want you hanging with, Angela."

"I'm sorry, Be- Izzy. Here's my number if you ever want to call me." Angela wrote her number down and handed it to me.

"Thanks." I would never call her.

After she walked away, I got up and left the table. Maybe I would just quit coming to lunch. Outside, I sat under the tree where Ricky and I had laughed our asses off. I closed my eyes and drifted.

"Hey, Izzy!" Matt Greene's voice came from in front of me. I opened my eyes and licked my lips.

"Matt! So nice to see you. Want to take a walk with me?" I asked coyly.

Ten minutes later, he had me up against the same tree where I had done it with Tyler several times. If that tree could talk! Matt was much bigger than Tyler, and he knew how to use what he had. I still didn't come, but it felt way better.

"Oh, Matt! Yes, harder!" I cried out.

"Izzy...you're so tight!" Matt gripped under my ass as he held me against the tree and jerked his hips at a frenetic pace. "I'm gonna come, Izzy! Yessss!" he cried out, emptying into me. As he pulled out and got rid of the condom, I let my legs down, brushing my sweaty hair back from my brow.

"That was great, Matt, you're a fucking stud!" I purred.

"I want to make you come though, Izzy. Maybe I can go down on you next time?" Matt turned his sexy blue eyes on me. It was tempting, but that would mean a loss of control. I wasn't handing control over to a lay.

"No, Matt. This is the way things are. If you can't accept that, then we can't fuck anymore." My mouth was set.

"But, don't you want to -"

"That's what I have a vibrator for, Matt. Nobody goes down on me. My rules or we don't play."

"Okay, baby. Whatever Izzy wants..." he pulled me close, kissing my ear. For some reason Edward flitted through my mind—the way I felt that jolt of electricity the one time his lips touched my skin.

"We have to get back," I said abruptly, pushing Matt away.

**~0~**

After doing my homework, I sat in my room, playing some music. I was bored as fuck. I smoked a few cigarettes and my mind kept returning to Edward fucking Cullen. He kept me at arms length, but he returned to my bed night after night to hold me when the dreams came.

"Edward?" I whispered. "You out there?"

There was no response. So either he wasn't there, or he was just ignoring me.

"Fuck you, boyscout."

In the middle of the night, my cell phone rang. What the fuck? Who would call me at three in the morning? I sat up, but I was in bed alone. Guess I wasn't dreaming tonight. I felt kind of lonely without my strange vampire stalker next to me.

"Hello?"

"Izzy! How are you?" James' voice purred over the line.

"What the fuck do you want, James?" Fear crawled in my belly, and I started shaking.

"Is that any kind of greeting for your mate?"

"Hey, fuck you! I didn't sign up for that shit!" I got up and ran for my cigar box.

"Are you still taking those nasty drugs? Because you don't taste very good when you have that shit in your system, you know?"

"Well then, let me take a whole lot of it, you asshole. Lose my number. Don't ever call me again. I've moved and started a new life—it doesn't include your sorry ass. Got me?"

"What will you do? Get your gun out? You know it won't hurt me," he laughed sadistically.

"How about a blow torch and a bottle of hair spray, James? Will that hurt you?" I spat.

"Not if I snap your neck first. I'm coming for you, bitch." He hung up.

"No!" I threw the phone across the room.

Grabbing the cigar box, I took out the vial of white powder. Before I could open it, it was snatched out of my hand. I whipped my head around to find Edward crouching down next to me.

"Give me that! I need it!" I screamed in his face.

"No. Please, Izzy, don't take any more of this shit. Come here." Edward opened his arms, his liquid honey eyes filled with something I couldn't name. Whatever it was, it scared the shit out of me.

"I want my drugs! You aren't in charge of me, Edward!" I pounded on his chest. "Ouch! What are you made of, stone?"

"I'm not giving you the drugs, Izzy." His jaw tightened obstinately. "Come here, please."

"Fuck you!" I screamed, but I crawled over to him and leaned against his chest. He closed his stone arms around me; I breathed in his scent, and it started to calm me almost immediately.

I sobbed against his shirt, soaking it with my tears. There we sat on the floor while I cried and he rocked me. Slowly, the need for the drugs ebbed away, and that scared me even more. That meant that Edward was able to ward off my demons, which only meant I needed _him _in place of the drugs. I couldn't afford to be dependent on anyone because he would just end up letting me down or leaving me. I pulled back, and Edward captured my face between his cool hands, looking down into my eyes. "Izzy..." he whispered.

"No, Edward, don't. Please..." I begged as he gently brought his lips to mine. His lips were so cool and soft. He kissed me tenderly, as though I was a piece of precious glass that might shatter beneath his hands. Butterflies erupted in my abdomen, and electric tingles started shooting through me.

Edward's hands left my face to run over my hair and down my back, pulling me in closer. I was paralyzed—unable to push him away—knowing that this was wrong. Our lips moved together—mine without my permission—softly, over and over again. I felt his cool tongue licking at my bottom lip, and I tried to pull back, but he became more insistent, plunging his tongue into my mouth. His tongue stroked against mine, slowly and sensuously. The electricity I felt when he had kissed away my tears was _nothing_ compared to this. The shocks that rushed through my body were almost orgasmic, and that's when I knew I had to stop this.

It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I pushed Edward away. "Edward, stop. Please, I can't."

"What's wrong?" he asked against my neck; the vibration of his lips shot right to my groin.

"Please, can we just lie down? I need to sleep, and I know the nightmares will come as soon as I close my eyes."

"Okay." Edward picked me up in his arms and carried me to the bed, laying me down gently. He lay down next to me, putting his arm and leg over me and pressing down. Why this calmed me, I wasn't sure, but it worked its magic like always. My heart rate slowed, and my breathing grew easier.

"Who's James?" Edward asked out of the blue.

"Nobody."

"Bullshit."

"Oh, my God! The boyscout does know potty words!" I teased.

"Answer me," Edward growled. That went right to my groin, too.

"Fuck me, Edward?"

"No."

"Please?"

"I can't kiss you, but you want to screw?"

"Exactly! Now you're getting the picture."

"No, Izzy."

"I hate you."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do. You totally frustrate me."

"Who is James?"

"Some asshole I fucked once. He's a bit sick in the noggin—thinks I'm his. He says he's coming after me, but he has no idea I live in this little podunk town. Nothing to worry over," I said nonchalantly.

"Really? Then why were you running for the drugs? You're scared, Izzy."

"I'm not scared of anyone!" I fumed.

"I won't let him hurt you," Edward whispered. "I'll protect you."

I thought about James and how sick he was. He might hurt Edward, and I didn't want that on my conscience. "I don't need protecting. Don't get too attached to me, Edward, or I won't let you in here anymore." He just looked at me, his eyes saying he was already attached. Damn vampire! Fuck. I knew I should just kick him out right away, but I was too weak to do it. "Are you hearing me, Edward?"

"Yes."

I closed my eyes. There were no nightmares, but I dreamed about Edward holding me and kissing me all night. Damn him.

**~0~**

Edward Cullen was a fucking voyeur. I noticed that he was always around, watching me. With his vampire hearing, it probably meant that he heard me with Tyler and Matt out in the woods. Maybe he even heard my conversations with Ricky. Today, I decided to use that against him. After last night, when he made me feel something—when he forced me to take a dose of _him_ instead of my drugs—I felt that some payback might be in order.

At lunch, I made my way out to the woods alone and waited ten minutes while I smoked a cigarette. Then I yelled out, "Help me!"

A few seconds later, Edward was standing at the edge of the trees. God, he could move fast! He quickly took in the surroundings, and saw that I was alone. "Izzy? What's going on?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to see if you were as much of a voyeur as I thought you were." I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you the story about the boy who cried wolf?" he growled.

"Didn't anyone ever tell _you_ it's sick to listen to other people fucking?" I turned away, walking slowly, my short skirt swishing around my thighs as I twitched my ass.

In the blink of an eye, Edward crossed the expanse between us, pushing his body against mine from behind. Gripping my hips, he pulled me back against his hard body, and I could feel his erection pressing into my ass. I drew in a harsh breath, unable to speak.

"Is this what you want, Izzy?" he leaned in close to my ear, whispering. "You want it quick and dirty—no feelings, no attachments?" He ran a hand up the front of my neck, pulling my head back so he could have access to my lips. Covering my mouth with his, he ground his hardness against me. My pussy grew wet, and I moaned, rubbing my ass on his cock. God, he was hard as a rock!

Edward plunged his tongue into my mouth, running one cool hand up the back of my thigh underneath my skirt. When his fingers touched my bare ass, he pulled it back as though burned. _Not as bad-ass as you thought, eh, Cullen?_

"You're not wearing underwear," Edward rasped, breathing heavy.

"Shut up and fuck me, Edward!" I demanded.

"No."

_What?_

"No?"

"Not like this." Edward spun me in his arms so he could look me in the eye. "If we do this, we do it my way." He kissed me deeply, evoking all sorts of electric tingling throughout my body. His hands gripped my hips, pulling me against him, and he trailed open-mouthed kisses up the side of my neck, sucking my earlobe between his lips. I bit back a moan, not wanting him to know how he was affecting me.

I reached for his belt buckle, but he pushed my hands away. "Edward..."

"My way," he growled, licking my neck.

"Are you going to share what your way _is _with me?" I asked breathlessly. I was wet and throbbing for him.

"Not up against a tree. You let me take the lead and do what I want or it's a no go." Edward kissed my lips slowly. "I want to take you somewhere." More slow, burning kisses and his hands on my bare ass. Oh, God.

"Where?"

"It's a place I go when I want to be alone. We'll have complete privacy there."

"When you say do whatever you want..." Edward stopped my question with his lips. The boy could kiss, and those electric tingles...holy shit.

Finally, he stopped long enough to answer me. "I'm not talking about anything kinky or painful. You have to give up control though, Izzy—to me." He ran his hand up my thigh, landing on my bare pussy. He dipped a finger in, swirling it around.

"Okay."

"Okay? You won't fight me?"

"Nothing kinky, you said. So, where are we going?"

Edward picked me up in his arms, kissing me passionately, his golden eyes smoldering. "Hold on, Izzy." He took off at a dizzying pace through the woods, and I shut my eyes. After about ten minutes, he stopped and put me down. I felt a little woozy and held onto him so I wouldn't fall. I cracked open my eyes and took in our surroundings. A beautiful meadow filled with wildflowers spread out before me.

"Oh!" I gasped.

"It's beautiful here, isn't it? I discovered it while I was out hunting one day."

"Yes, it is." I walked around a little, looking at the pristine wilderness untouched by humanity, the beautiful flowers bobbing in the slight breeze. This was the kind of place that was good for the soul.

After a few minutes, Edward came up behind me, putting his arms around me. "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you're out of your comfort zone. You're here in a strange place, and you don't know how to get back without me. There isn't a human being for miles around. Nobody would hear you scream."

"Are you trying to scare me?

"No. You have nothing to fear from me physically, but I think you might be uncomfortable emotionally. You have this need to control your partners."

I turned to face him, looking up into his beautiful topaz eyes. "Let's call them what they are, Edward. Fuck buddies."

He pulled me in tighter, speaking with his lips touching mine. "I don't fuck, Izzy. I'll make love to you. It's the only way I play. Are you in or should I take you back?"

Panic started to set in. What was Edward doing to me? I didn't want to feel anything, and I should tell him to take me back right now, but the words wouldn't form on my lips. My heart was beating fast, and all I could do was look into those fathomless pools of molten butterscotch.

"Lay down with me." Edward took me by the hand, leading me to a mossy spot under a tree. We lay there on our sides, facing each other while he traced my features with his index finger. He cupped my cheek in his palm and kissed me gently, his tongue probing lightly. His kisses soon turned more ardent, and he rolled us so he was hovering over me. His hips ground into mine, and I could feel his rock hard arousal against my thigh. Our tongues danced together, pushing against each other, fighting for domination. He broke away from my lips, trailing kisses down my neck between my breasts. Without asking permission, he unbuttoned my shirt and unclipped my bra, moving them out of the way— palming a breast in one hand while closing his cool lips over the other. I arched my back as my nipples tightened and hardened under his touch.

Edward kissed his way down my stomach and knelt next to me, sliding my skirt off. Still fully dressed, he moved back over me, grinding his hips against me as he kissed my lips again. He nudged my thighs apart, and I wondered if he was planning to just open his fly and fuck me with his pants on. Whatever. He started kissing his way down my body again, paying attention to each breast and then licking and sucking his way down my stomach. When I felt his cool breath between my legs, I stiffened. "No!"

"Yes, Izzy," he insisted softly. "My way, remember?"

"I can't. Please, Edward."

"Has anyone ever gone down on you?" he asked in a gentle voice.

"No," I whispered. "Please don't."

"Should I take you back then?"

"No! I don't want to go back."

"My way, Izzy."

I didn't answer; I couldn't. There was a huge lump in my throat, and a major war going on inside me. I wanted to feel Edward Cullen's tongue inside me more than anything, but at the same time, I was scared shitless of what it might mean for me. I couldn't afford to let go of control.

Edward took my silence as a yes. He slid a finger inside me, finding me wet and ready, and pushed it inside further. Pumping his finger, he added another, and I hissed. With his other hand, he spread my folds and then attacked me with his tongue, pressing and swirling it around my clit. I nearly came up off the ground at the sensation, and it was all I could do to remain silent. I felt layer upon layer of sensation building within me even though I was trying like hell to fight it. It seemed the harder I fought not to feel what Edward was trying to do to me, the stronger the sensations became. Soon, I was crying out, riding the wave of my very first orgasm with a man. Before I could stop myself, I screamed out, "Edward!" _Shit._

At the sound of his name, he moaned against me, and it sent me into more spasms. He continued to lick and suck until the aftershocks subsided, then he slid himself up my body and looked into my eyes, licking his lips. "Would you like to taste yourself?" he asked seductively.

I practically launched myself at his mouth, licking his lips and moaning. I loved the taste of me combined with his sweet essence. After we kissed for a while, he lifted himself up and removed his pants. My jaw dropped at the beauty of his body, and the sheer size of his erection. I think I whimpered.

When he was back hovering over me, I tried to grab him, but he pushed my hand away. "Ask me, Izzy, then I will," he whispered against my mouth.

"Fuck me, Edward."

"No."

"You just told me to ask you!" I huffed.

"I told you, I don't fuck. Ask me to make love to you, and I will."

"Edward, why are you doing this to me?"

"Ask me. I want you, Izzy," he said huskily, sucking on my earlobe.

"Edward..." How the hell was I supposed to do this? I just let him go down on me, breaking my biggest rule ever. Then again if I didn't, he was going to take me back, I knew he was. "Edward, please."

"Say it," he whispered, pressing his cock against my entrance.

"Make love to me, Edward." _There, I'd said it, and I was going straight to hell._

"Oh, Izzy..." Edward moaned, pushing his way inside me slowly. When he was all the way in, I felt full. He was bigger than anyone I'd ever been with. He hissed and drew back almost all the way before pressing forward again. I saw stars, and he hadn't even done anything yet. He held himself above me and started thrusting a bit faster, kissing my lips, my neck, whispering in my ear. "You're so beautiful."

I closed my eyes; his beautiful face above me was just too much to bear. I shouldn't be doing this; it was wrong.

"Eyes open," Edward demanded. "I want to see you."

"Edward..."

"I know this is hard for you, Izzy. Please, for me."

I opened my eyes and was immediately captured by his smoldering gaze. Once our eyes locked, I was unable to look away. Our eyes remained connected as he thrust harder and harder into me, whispering how beautiful and sexy I was. Then I felt unfamiliar stirrings in my abdomen, the tightening of my muscles, the flutters, the tingling as I started to crest the wave of my first orgasm ever while having sex. Tears started streaming down my face, but I still couldn't take my eyes from his as he pounded into me. My breaths grew short and sharp as I panted, and when the wave crested, I screamed his name. "Edward! Oh, God..."

I watched Edward's beautiful face in fascination as I screamed out his name. It was as if he'd waited his whole life to hear that from my mouth. His thrusts became harder and more erratic, and I could see the moment ecstasy hit him as he looked deeply into my eyes and cried out, "Oh, I'm going to...Izzy, yes!" He collapsed next to me, pulling me close to his body, and kissed me reverently.

A few moments later, I realized that I had broken every single rule I had. I let him go down on me, I let him make love to me, and I never even thought about using a condom. What was happening to me?

I didn't want to return to school after all that, so he ran me directly home, promising to go back for my car later. We stood awkwardly in my living room, and he held onto me without speaking for a while. Smoothing my hair back, he leaned in to kiss me, and I shied away. "What is it?" he whispered, and I could hear the fear in his voice—he knew something wasn't right. I couldn't look into his golden eyes because I would lose my resolve.

"Edward, I need to be alone right now."

"Izzy, don't run away. I know you felt something."

"Please, Edward. I'll see you tonight?"

"Yes."

"Okay, then." But he didn't move to release me from his arms. "Edward, you're still holding me."

"I know," he whispered, his arms tightening before he finally let go.

I walked him to the door, and he put a finger under my chin and lifted my face to his. He didn't say anything, just placed a tender kiss on my lips, and then he was gone...faster than the wind.

I palmed my vial of drugs and grabbed my cell phone. "Ricky, I need you."

"What is it, sweetie?"

"I fucked up. I broke every rule I have, and I want to take something. Please, I don't want to be alone right now."

"Want me to come over?"

"Can you?"

"Sure."

"You bring the Haagen Dazs."

"Sounds good. Izzy, I'm proud of you! Don't give in, okay? I'll be there soon."

I hung up my cell and huddled in my dad's old wing chair and cried. What was I going to do? I allowed Edward to break through my defenses and _feel_. He'd let me down and leave me just like all the others—I couldn't let him get close to me—I couldn't afford to.

A little while later, there was a knock at the door, and I found Ricky on my porch with four different pints of ice cream. I laughed. We huddled on the floor in front of the couch and ate like pigs while he hugged me close. With Ricky, it felt like a best friend or big brother—there was nothing sexual about it. I cried into his chest, I railed at myself, and he just listened.

When he was leaving, he hugged me tight. "Izzy? I know this is really hard for you, but you're made of the toughest stuff. You _will_ get through this. I don't know who it is that broke through your defenses—and I'm not asking—but think carefully before you write him off."

"Thanks, Ricky, but I can't get involved with anyone. If I let him in, then -" I faltered.

"You think I don't know, Izzy? Why do you think I'm still alone? You're not me though—I have a feeling that this guy might be good for you."

"No, Ricky. And worst of all, I'm not good for him. He's sweet and kind. He doesn't talk dirty like I do. He's...special."

"Aha! I knew it!" Ricky squeezed me tight, kissing me on the nose. "Don't let him go so easily, Izzy."

As if I had any choice?

**~0~**

Later that night, once I was tucked into bed, Edward climbed in my window. He had never shown up _before_ the nightmares started. Not a word was spoken; he simply climbed into bed and held me like he always did.

I had a hard time falling asleep, my guilt weighing on me. After at least an hour of silence, I whispered, "I'm sorry, Edward."

"For what?"

"I'm just sorry," I repeated myself. I just didn't know what else to say. It was the most he was getting out of me, the most I could give.

That night my dreams were of Edward making love to me in the meadow, but then they turned ugly.

_Suddenly, I found myself in the meadow alone, and all the vegetation had died. I heard a sadistic laugh and turned around to find James holding Edward by the neck._

"_No, James! Please take me, not him."_

"_Oh, hell no, princess! You had your chance...now, I kill him, and I'll __**still**_ _have you!" James laughed maniacally._

"_No, please! James, haven't you done enough already? I promise not to fight you; just don't hurt him."_

_With a smile, he ripped Edward's head from his body. "Edward! No, please, God!"_

I sat up quickly in the dark, trying to get my bearings, my face wet with tears. I tried to draw air into my lungs, but it was hard to come by.

"Izzy, I'm here." I found myself enfolded in Edward's embrace. I didn't receive the comfort I usually did because what I dreamed about could actually come true, and the thought of it made me shudder. "That dream was different from your others. Do you want to tell me about it?"

"No."

"Who's James? You were talking in your sleep. Is he...a vampire, Izzy?"

Unconsciously, I fingered my scar, not realizing Edward could see in the dark as though it were daylight. He drew in a harsh breath, and I knew I was found out. Shit.

"What the fuck is that?" Edward sat straight up in the bed, bringing me up with him. Gripping my arms, he turned me toward him.

"Edward! You never say fuck." I was shocked.

"When it's warranted...Jesus, Izzy. You have a vampire bite. You've been marked."

"Leave it alone, Edward." I was at a distinct disadvantage because I could not see his expression in the dark, but he could see mine.

"He's coming after you, isn't he?"

"No...I don't know! Just stay out of it. Promise me, Edward. You can't get hurt because of me. I fucked up my life, and I have to pay the consequences, but you're too good to get sucked into it."

His lips found mine, his hands caressing my face. "I won't get hurt, Izzy. Let me protect you."

"No. I don't think he'll find me anyway, Edward. He doesn't know where I moved to."

"Izzy, I want you," Edward whispered, his voice full of desperation. He pushed me down to the bed, covering my body with his. I opened my mouth to protest, and it was immediately filled by his tongue. My shorts were ripped off, and my cami top pushed up...Edward's long, talented fingers playing over my nipples. My breathing came in short gasps, and I knew I should stop him, but I didn't have the willpower. He pushed two fingers inside me, pumping them slowly, and I moaned against his tongue.

"Tell me what you want, Izzy." Edward stilled, waiting for my response.

"You. I want you." I gripped his hair tight in my fists.

"What do you want me to do to you, Izzy?" he spoke in my ear, and a thrill shot through me.

"Make love to me, Edward." _I was really going to hell._

Edward entered me, and this time his strokes were long and slow, building up to a crescendo. I came hard, and I screamed out his name again.

**~0~**

The next morning, I woke up alone, as usual. I was a mess, and I had to get myself back on track. Edward Cullen was turning me into a pansy. I was getting all gooey over him, and that couldn't happen. He would end up leaving or being killed just like everyone else in my life. So, I had no choice. I had to make sure he understood we could never be anything.

Before I left for school, there was a knock at my door. When I opened it, I came face to face with one of the Cullens—a pixie-like girl with short, dark hair that stuck out every which way. "Hi, can I help you?"

"Hello, Izzy! I'm Alice. We need to talk. May I come in?" she spoke in a chipper tone. Ugh!

I opened the door wide, sweeping my arm in welcome. "Come on in, Alice. I hope you don't mind if I drink coffee and smoke—it's a little early for those of us that sleep." She raised her eyebrows at that but didn't comment. I led her to the kitchen, and we sat at the table. "So, what can I do for you, Alice?"

"Izzy...there's a vampire coming for you. He's someone you already know."

"James..." I whispered. "How do you know this?"

"I see the future. Many vampires have 'gifts,' and mine is seeing the future, just like Edward's is to read minds."

"Back up a minute! Edward can read minds? Why the fuck wasn't I told about this?" My face turned red as I imagined all the thoughts he'd picked up from me.

"Oops...I take it he didn't tell you. Well, you can rest easy, Izzy, because Edward can't read your mind. You're the only person he's ever come across that he can't read."

"But he _can_ read the minds of those around me, right?" I asked.

"Well, yes."

"Son of a bitch!"

"Izzy, there's a vampire _coming here_. I wanted to warn you about him. He means business." Alice's eyes were serious.

"James. He must have found me. Do you know when he's coming?"

"No, he hasn't decided yet. He keeps changing his mind, which changes my visions—but he'll be here soon. He's leaning toward finding where you live and hiding out in your house."

"I'm ready for him."

"Izzy, we're indestructible." Alice looked at me like I was daft.

"Even from a can of hairspray and a blowtorch?"

"Oh, my. That _would_ do the trick." Alice raised her eyebrows. "Make sure that you completely torch him though or he'll heal."

"Oh...not to worry about that," I said quietly. "He fucked with the wrong bitch."

"I can see that. Izzy, if you need any assistance with him -" Alice started, but I held my hand up.

"You know, I've had enough with everyone's assistance. I can handle James myself. Tell Edward not to come around here again. I'm done with his interference in my life."

"Izzy -"

"Just tell the boyscout to find another project, okay? Now, get the fuck out of my house."

**~0~**

The next week went by without word from James. I kept my window locked tight, and Edward didn't show up. In class, he acted polite but detached. I never saw a sign of him anywhere, and I suspected I had been right—I was just a distraction or project for him. Good riddance, boyscout.

I continued to meet Tyler and Matt out in the woods, and I started to feel as though I was back on my game, back in control. The nightmares had returned, and I was sleeping like shit, but I got my hands on some sleeping pills from a connection in Port Angeles, and it seemed to help. I also needed another vial of blow...but Rome wasn't built in a day, was it? Ricky came over a lot to help me through some of my episodes—he was the one indulgence I allowed myself. Not all demons could be exorcised, and for those times, I had my white powder. Bess continued to sleep under my pillow, and now there was a blow torch and a can of hairspray close at hand on each floor of my house. I thought about running, but I was done with that. My life was for shit, and I would make a stand right here. If I died...who the fuck would care?

One day, I was heading to lunch when I was yanked into an empty classroom. The door was slammed shut and locked, and I was pushed up against the wall. Startled, I looked up into the smoldering eyes of Edward Cullen. Before I could speak, he kissed me roughly, his tongue pushing its way into my mouth. After a very thorough kissing, he pulled me over to the teacher's desk at the front of the room. "Bend over the desk," he commanded.

"What?"

Pushing me against the side of the desk, he leaned in to my ear. "Bend. Over." He bent me over the desk, lifting my skirt. When he saw my lacy black thong, he hissed. I heard his zipper go down, and shoving the thong out of the way, he impaled me on the end of his cock. I drew in a sharp breath at the feeling of fullness—it was so different from Tyler or Matt. Gripping my hips, Edward pushed in all the way with a moan. I was speechless.

Leaning over next to my ear, he whispered, "Do you want me to stop? If you're not willing, I'll walk away right now."

"No, don't stop," I gasped.

"I'm going to fuck you now, Izzy," he rasped in my ear. I moaned.

Edward set a fast pace, ramming into me from behind. Guttural moans issued from his lips, and although I tried to hold it back, soft moans came from me as he hit spots inside me that I didn't even know existed. My abdomen tightened up, and I felt butterflies releasing as an orgasm crept up fast. I couldn't stop myself from crying out softly as I exploded, "Oh, my God!"

A few seconds later, Edward cried out as well, resting on my back and kissing my ear. "Izzy..." he whispered huskily before letting me up.

Adjusting my thong and smoothing my skirt back in place, I turned to face him. "What the hell was that, boyscout?"

"It seemed pretty clear to me. An afternoon fuck." Edward's face was unreadable.

"I thought you said you don't fuck."

"I decided to try it your way."

"Why?"

His eyes gave him away before his words. "Because it's the only way I can have you."

"Sorry, but no. This can't happen again, Edward." I shook my head.

"Why not?" Those damn golden eyes were filled with so much emotion—they burned into me—causing me to question things I couldn't afford to.

"Because _I don't fuck guys that fall for me_. We're done here. Thanks for the good time; see you around." I turned to walk out of the room, but Edward's hand shot out to grab my wrist.

"Izzy...don't do this."

"Don't do what? Be me? This is who I am! You have this convoluted idea that you can fix me, Edward! Well, you can't. I don't _want_ you to. I'm fine with the way things are. Uncomplicated, predictable."

Edward raked a hand through his hair and then he just looked into my eyes. His eyes were pleading with me, saying dangerous things to me.

"I'm sorry, Edward. This is goodbye." I left the room, and with Edward's cold seed dripping down my thigh, I went out to the woods to meet Tyler.

**~0~**

I was so fucked. I kept seeing golden eyes everywhere. No matter who I fucked, no matter what I did. Those gold eyes pleading with me, saying things his mouth didn't, saying things that were too dangerous to acknowledge. I felt a fissure threatening to crack me open. No amount of sex or white powder was working these days.

Heading out to a bar in Port Angeles, I knocked back a few drinks and told several guys to go fuck off. I was determined to get blasted—even had a hotel room booked for the occasion—no need to drive drunk, right? As I was sitting there on my bar stool, I felt a presence at my right elbow.

"Get fucked. I'm not interested."

"Oh, but I think you are."

I turned to see who dared to defy me. I came face to face with black leather from head to toe. Looking up I found a handsome face with warm brown eyes and a shock of black hair falling over his forehead. Well, now...maybe I _was_ interested.

"Let me ask you, pretty-boy, what you have to offer me that nobody else here already has?" I slammed my empty shot glass on the bar. "Johnny! Another, please, and one for my friend who may or may not be staying."

"You're suffering," he stated. Then he leaned in close to my ear. "I have your solution."

"Oh? What am I suffering from?"

"Numbness. You keep trying different things, but none of it's working. So, here you are, killing yourself with substances which just make you more numb. Do you cut?" Unceremoniously he grabbed my arm, raking up my sleeve. He looked impressed. "Not yet, or do you hide it well?"

"Hey, hands off, fuckwit!" I snapped. "Johnny, cancel that drink. He's leaving."

"I'm leaving alright—with you," he whispered.

"An asshole—and delusional, too! What a package deal!"

"I'm a dom, sweetie. You need to try a night as a sub. I'll make you feel something—I promise."

A dom. I had never considered such a thing. I looked over at him. "I don't even know you. How do I know you won't just kill me and dump me in an alley?"

"You don't. But you look like you're headed for death right now—even through you're still breathing. Spend a night with me and see. You take _me_ somewhere. I have a bag of tricks in my car." He smirked.

"Why me? Why are you doing this?"

"Truthfully? I thrive on making numb girls feel with no worry of attachments. We all have our vices, doll face."

"Okay, let's go." I threw a huge tip on the bar and took his arm.

"I'm -" he started, but I held up a hand.

"No names. For now."

"As you like, doll face."

We went to my hotel room. All I could think of was how disappointed Ricky would be in me. But I had to see what this was about. He played a song for me on his iPod. It was called PAIN by Three Days Grace. The main words that grabbed and held me were:

_**Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all**_

_**You're sick of feeling numb  
You're not the only one  
I'll take you by the hand  
And I'll show you a world that you can understand  
This life is filled with hurt  
When happiness doesn't work  
Trust me and take my hand  
When the lights go out you will understand**_

As I listened to the song, I moaned.

"I thought so," he said, laughing. "I'll start slow with you."

"Okay. What do I call you?"

"Sir or Master. I'll let you choose."

"Sir."

"As you wish. Now, I'll be in complete control of you. There will be some slight pain, but nothing horrible. Pick a safeword. That's a word you'll say to me if anything becomes too much, and I'll stop. That is my promise to you."

"Boyscout."

"Boyscout? That's a strange one, but okay."

"Remove your clothes, doll." His tone was no longer friendly; it was commanding. I liked it.

"Yes, Sir."

"You'll keep your eyes down at all times; you'll answer only when spoken to or given permission. You will come on command. If I tell you not to come—you don't. Do you understand, doll?"

"Yes, Sir."

He clipped a collar around my neck—snug, but not too tight—I liked that too. "What -"

"Silence! You will not speak unless given permission. I won't punish you, this time, but the next time you break that rule you'll be spanked. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Lie down on the bed, doll."

I lay down on the bed. He attached nipple clamps, telling me they were very gentle ones. I didn't care—the pain they caused was a thrill to me. For the first time, I felt something without worry of an emotional attachment. He told me to get on my knees and suck him off. So I did. He grabbed my hair, fucking my mouth as he pumped his hips. I was told not to touch him, to keep my hands behind my back or they'd be tied there. When he was about to orgasm, he pulled out of my mouth, for which I was thankful. He said if we continued a dom/sub relationship we would set boundaries as to what he was allowed to do to me.

"Good girl, you know how to give great head. Very nice, doll. You may accept my compliment."

"Thank you, Sir."

"Lie down and open your legs."

"Yes, Sir." I lay down on the bed as instructed.

"I'm going to fuck you now. I'm putting on a condom—I always use them unless we make an agreement otherwise." I could hear the foil packet rip, and he slid it on his very large erection. Not as big as – don't go there. My eyes widened...how could he be hard again already?

He laughed. "I can maintain an erection through several orgasms. It makes for a good time for everyone. Hard or soft, doll? I give you the choice this time."

"Hard, please, Sir."

"As you wish." He smiled as he spread my legs further apart and entered me in one quick thrust. He grabbed both my legs, throwing them over his shoulders, and rammed into me. After a few minutes he pulled off both nipple clamps—the pain traveled right to my abdomen, and I yelled out. "No sounds, doll. I'll let you get away with it this time."

Tweaking my sore nipples, he sent more painfully pleasurable sensations through my body. My mouth opened, but I bit back the cries that tried to escape. "Good girl." He flipped me over and entered me from behind, holding me by my hips. "Touch yourself, doll. But don't come."

I touched myself, feeling the familiar tightening and butterflies, but I pulled back so I wouldn't orgasm. I was panting hard—we both were. "You've been such a good little doll. I'm going to reward you now. Come for me."

I exploded.

Afterward, we stood by the door of my hotel room. "How does this work? How often can we do this? You were right. Pain is much better than the numbness."

"What's your name?"

"Izzy."

"Izzy, we can make an arrangement. A few times a week if that suits. I have a full time sub right now, but I do side jobs when I see a good candidate for grooming. The only thing is—I don't like to deal with jealous boyfriends or ex's."

"That won't be a problem."

"Oh? How about the bronze-haired, young man down in the lobby that seems to be tearing his hair out? I saw him in the bar earlier, too."

I drew in a sharp breath. Edward was here? He was following me around? "He's nobody. Just some guy that keeps stalking me. He'll give up after a while—they always do."

"Alright then. I'm Jack, and I'll meet all your pain needs, Izzy."

"I know you will." I smiled as we shook hands and exchanged contact information.

After he left, I spoke out loud, knowing Edward would hear me.

"Go home, boyscout. You're in over your head. As you can see, I've found what I'm looking for," I said harshly.

Bad-ass Izzy was back in business. I lit up a joint and kicked back in the chair playing my new favorite song which Jack had transferred to my iPod. I closed my eyes, singing along.

_**Pain, without love  
Pain, I can't get enough  
Pain, I like it rough  
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all...**_

Something wet ran down my cheek, and I swiped it away quickly. Soon, there was a trail of tears dripping down my face as a pair of golden eyes haunted my mind. Vampires couldn't hear tears fall, could they? No, I didn't think they could.

Goodbye, boyscout.

**A/N: Because I just can't stop myself...I will be continuing this into a full length story. You will notice that there are ends that have not been tied up (such as James) and that is on purpose (and because this novella weighed in at almost 17,000 words!). If you want to be notified when this story is continued, please add it to alerts.**

**Check out my photobucket album to see the banners for this story. Mega thanks to Julie for the great work! URL on my profle!**


	2. Chapter 2 Bloody Black Roses

****This is the chapter I took down after the start of the contest due to the admins protesting that I continued past a one-shot. Some of you may have already read this during the time it was up. I intend to post two more chapters shortly-one will be all from Edward's POV (by popular demand, beta'd and ready to go!) and the other will be from Izzy's. Thank you all for being so supportive and patient during this time.**

**A/N: This is the continuation of my Darkella one shot. This story will now be updated regularly along with my other two fics "I Saw You Coming" and "Shattered Into a Thousand Pieces."**

**Thanks to my lovely readers who have encouraged me as I take on yet another story when I swore I wouldn't...you guys rock! For those who have been bribed with a BB outtake...it's completed and links have been sent out to everyone as far as I'm aware. If I owe you the outtake and you haven't received it yet, please drop me a line.  
**

**Mucho thanks to my lovely beta Jess (jkane180) for her mad skills and superfast delivery. Mwah!**

**Chapter 2**

**~Bloody Black Roses~**

**/\**

**PLAYLIST for this chapter:**

**Fix You ~ **_**Cold Play**_

**Hungry Like the Wolf ~ **_**Duran Duran**_

_**/\**_

_**"Fix You"**_

_**When you try your best, but you don't succeed  
When you get what you want, but not what you need  
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep  
Stuck in reverse**_

_**And the tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you can't replace  
When you love someone, but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse?**_

_**Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you **_

_**/\**_

Finally, I was home. I'd spent the past two nights at the hotel in Port Angeles convincing myself that I didn't give a shit about Edward Cullen. With some blow, another session with Jack and lots of liquid courage, I had myself almost convinced. Feelings were for pussies. If I didn't have emotional attachments, then I couldn't be hurt. Right? Yeah.

When I opened the door, the now-familiar pain slammed me in the chest—the loss of Charlie, my gruff but loving father—but it was becoming bearable. This time, I didn't have to stop, drop and roll on the fucking floor when I flicked the lights on. Walking into the room, I tossed my duffel on the couch and lit up a cigarette as I went through my mail. Crap, all crap. I tossed it in the trash.

Damn. I was bone tired, and I had to get up for school tomorrow. It probably wasn't my brightest move to spend the whole weekend in Port Angeles partying hard. My mouth got me in a little trouble with Jack, and I had the welts on my tender ass to prove it. He was all warm brown eyes and sparkling conversation until he got into dom mode—then he was a task master. He could turn cold in seconds, his voice and eyes frosty. A shiver went through me—the sick part is that it was partly born of disgust and partly of envy—I yearned to be able to turn myself on and off like that.

Sighing, I hooked the straps of my duffel in my fingers and headed upstairs. I opened the door to my room, tossing the bag in without looking where it landed—who gave a shit?—then headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth, and throw on my cami and boy-shorts. Back in my room, I moved around in the dark, placing Bess under my pillow and then turning down the bed.

"Did you have fun this weekend?" Edward's soft voice came from the corner where the rocking chair was. I jumped.

"Jesus, Edward! What the fuck are you doing sitting there in the dark? How long have you been here?" I snapped at him.

"Two days, five hours. Would you like to know the minutes and seconds as well?"

"What? You've been sitting _here_. For two days. Are you insane?"

"Apparently so. I've heard some people say that insanity is repeating the same act over and over and expecting different results." There was irony in Edward's tone and something else I couldn't name.

"Get out, Edward. I'm not in the mood for your bullshit."

"No."

"No? You don't make the rules here."

"Izzy, we have a problem."

"You think? The problem is _you _keep breaking into _my_ house and interfering in _my_ life. Not to mention following me around like the creepy stalker that you are. I told you, Edward; we're finished." I stalked over to my dresser, my hand hovering over the drawer where my cigar box was. I pulled it back, curling my fingers in defensively.

"Izzy, he's been here," Edward said evenly.

"Who?" I spun around, but even though my eyes had adjusted to the lack of light, I could only see his dark form in the corner.

"James, I'm guessing."

"How do you know?"

"I smelled him. Vampires have an incredible sense of smell, Izzy. When I reached here two days ago, his scent was just hours old." Edward's voice was soft, but there was an underlying tension lacing it.

My heart started to pound in my ears. James had been here—he knew where I lived now—and he was ready to play his games. I flicked my hand in the air. "So? I have a blowtorch and a can of hairspray on each floor of the house. I'll burn his sorry ass to the ground."

I never even saw it coming. One minute I was standing there flicking my hand, the next I was pinned up against the wall with Edward's long fingers wrapped around my biceps. "Ooph!" All the air expelled out of my lungs as I collided with the sheet-rock, and I heard something fall off the wall and hit the floor with a thump. The moonlight was streaming through the window next to us, and I could see Edward's eyes glittering as they bored into mine. A low growl rumbled in his chest. For once, I was speechless.

"Izzy, let me ask you—what good would your blowtorch have done just now? You _knew_ I was here, and I pinned you before you blinked—what do you think James will do to you? I could have snapped your neck before your brain registered that I moved from the chair." His voice was harsh.

My eyes were riveted to Edward's, and I was unable to look away. He was right. James wouldn't announce himself—hell, I didn't even know Edward was sitting there in the corner until he spoke—one day I would find myself in James' slimy clutches, or he might just snap my neck the way he threatened to. Edward's eyes were fierce, but they held so many other emotions—tenderness, disappointment, desire, lust—and I didn't want to see any of that.

My eyes fluttered closed—a defense against what Edward's eyes were saying. "Edward...what can I do, then? He'll probably get me. My life sucks anyway. Nobody would give a shit if I disappeared."

"I would," he said softly, running his nose along my jaw and nuzzling under my ear. His body pressed in closer, our pelvises coming in contact—the electricity humming between us ratcheting up. Sliding his nose back along my jaw, he brought his lips within a hair's breadth of mine.

"Edward, don't." I stiffened.

"As you wish." Edward stepped away, letting me go abruptly, and I almost fell to the floor. My knees were weak, and I missed the humming between our bodies the moment he broke contact.

I climbed into bed, not sure what else to say, wondering if he was going to leave now. Once I was tucked in, Edward crouched beside the bed, but he didn't touch me. "You _will_ be protected," he stated.

"What does that mean?"

"My family and I are going to watch over you—like it or not."

"Edward, no! I don't want you involved in this."

"If you don't feel anything for me, then why does it bother you?"

"Edward..." I whispered, closing my eyes tight. What was I supposed to say to that? "It's not that I don't feel _anything_. You're one of the good guys—you're special. I don't want anything to happen to you because of me." It cost me a great deal to say these words. I gritted my teeth.

"There are seven of us and only one of him. Nothing will happen to me. It's ironic to hear someone calling a vampire one of the 'good guys.' I don't know how good I am, Izzy. I'm a very selfish creature."

I ignored what he said about his family. "Selfish how?"

Edward shook his head. "It doesn't matter. One of us will be around to watch over you when I'm not."

"What does your family think of all this? They don't even know me."

"They're fine with it."

"If you say so, boyscout." A small smile tugged at the corners of my mouth.

"May I stay inside with you tonight, or will you put me out like the dog?" Edward's lips twisted with wry humor.

I deliberated for a moment. "You can stay if you behave yourself."

"Scout's honor." Edward held his hand up.

"Funny, Cullen, funny."

**~0~**

When I woke up in the morning, I reached over to find the bed empty. I had to admit I felt a slight sense of disappointment.

"He's gone, Izzy." The lilting voice of Alice Cullen came from the rocker.

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I glanced over at Alice, who sat in the chair looking like she'd just been peeled off the pages of a fashion mag. "Well, if it isn't the psychic pixie. You stuck with babysitting duty now?"

"Izzy, James is a dangerous and sadistic vampire. If you're left unprotected, he _will_ kill you—or worse."

"There are worse things than death?" I quipped, stretching my limbs and grabbing a cigarette from the pack next to the bed.

"Those things will kill you, you know. You really shouldn't smoke." Alice wrinkled her nose.

"Faster than a vampire?" I shot at her. At her surprised look, I said, "I didn't think so."

"James has kept human pets, Izzy. He might take you and...do things to you without your permission. There _are_ worse things than death."

I shuddered. No fucking way. I'd find a way to end myself if he tried that. Alice gasped, and my eyes shot to hers. "You'd really do it wouldn't you? End your life?" she asked.

"You read minds?"

"No, psychic pixie, remember? I see visions based on decisions made. You would kill yourself rather than allow James to have you."

"Hell, yes! Izzy Black bows down to no one. If he tries to make me his 'pet,' I'll fucking kill myself or provoke him so he kills me. See, James can come after me, and he might even capture me—but he will never really have _me—_I won't allow it."

"You won't allow Edward to have you either." Alice's dark eyes were trained on me. I stared back at her, wondering at the sudden change of subject.

"I'm broken, Alice. Edward is special, and I don't want him to get hurt because of me. That's why I don't like the idea of him trying to protect me from James."

"You already have hurt Edward, Izzy. You hurt him every time you turn him away, every time you jump in bed with someone else. I know you have feelings for him even though you won't admit it."

I threw myself back on the bed with a frustrated growl. "Why the fuck is everyone always trying to either guilt me or tell me what I'm feeling? So, how would _you _know what I feel for Edward, you little freak?" I lashed out.

"I'm psychic, remember? As of right now, you're destroying my brother, and I don't see it getting better any time soon. Izzy, vampires are different than humans—our feelings run deeper and last longer—Edward can't stop what he feels for you any easier than you can stop the sun from rising." Alice's voice was soft and melodic, belying the seriousness of what she was telling me.

I sat up on the bed and stared at her. "What are you saying, Alice?"

She shook her dark head, her eyes solemn. "I've already said too much, Izzy. Please don't tell Edward any of this, or he'll be really angry with me."

"Alice, will you see James coming? Can you try to make sure that Edward isn't around when it happens? If something happened to me...I just know he'd feel guilty about it." I could tell that Edward was the type that felt deeply and took responsibility for things whether they belonged in his lap or not. If something were to happen to me on his watch, he would blame himself, and since I was already making him suffer—as Alice so graciously pointed out—I didn't want him hurt any more than necessary. _Getting soft, Izzy? _My inner banshee spoke up.

"I'll see what I can do." Alice narrowed her eyes at me.

"What?" I asked a little snappily.

"You're a complex person, Izzy Black." She pursed her lips and said nothing more.

**~0~**

Arriving at school with my pixie vampire escort, I felt like I was in a bad movie—one of those ones where there's a whole team of agents assigned to protect one fragile, human life that become complacent due to their abilities but find themselves fighting against an unexpectedly dastardly adversary. The only thing missing was the sinister music track. The thing is, I was living publicly while James was free to lurk in the shadows planning my demise. Then again, maybe James would use psychological torture on me. I recalled an episode of M*A*S*H* that I saw once about a prank war between BJ and Hawkeye. The wind up was that Hawkeye surrounded himself with 'protection' from pranks and lay awake all night only to find out that the anticipation of retaliation _was, _in itself, the prank. Nah, I couldn't be that lucky.

Saluting Alice, I swaggered off to my locker to get my books. I flipped through the combo quickly, opening the door absently. Ricky walked past and nudged me. "Hey, Izzy B."

"Hey." Turning back, I was startled as I opened the door wider and about a dozen black roses tumbled out onto the floor. "What the fuck?"

Ricky bent down and scooped up a bunch of them in his arms. "Secret admirer? Strange way to show affection though; pretty morbid." I snorted, gathering up the remaining few roses from the floor. As I turned back to my locker, a piece of paper fluttered out, and I grabbed it. When I saw what was on it, the air completely left my lungs. "Izzy? What is it?"

Bodies moved through the hall, a few students throwing curious glances our way, and it all seemed to slow down to a crawl. Every sound, every movement, was suddenly magnified—the sound of fabric rustling, the zipper opening on a backpack, someone texting, a locker slamming, the trickling of the water fountain across the hall...

I tried to inhale, but the air was barely reaching my lungs. I grabbed Ricky by the shirt, his concerned face looking down at me and reached up to whisper in his ear, "Please take care of this shit in my locker. I need to go outside a few minutes."

Ricky grabbed onto my arms. "Izzy? Will you be okay alone? Are you sure?"

"Yes. Please just get rid of those fucking things." Pushing off him, I stumbled out the door, ignoring the curious stares I was drawing as more students arrived. I crushed the paper and the roses to my chest, running as fast as I could out to the woods where I collapsed in a heap against a tree. A foreign sound reached my ears, and I tried to figure out what it was, only to realize that the embarrassingly loud, wracking sobs were coming from me. Trembles shuddered through me, and I kept my eyes tightly shut against the image on the paper that sadistic son of a bitch had put in my locker.

My body started humming as I felt a presence through the fog of my hysteria. _ Edward_. It had to be because my body only sang like that when he was touching me. I shook my head, not wanting him to see me like this—not wanting him to witness my pain as I was reduced to a blubbering pansy.

"Izzy? It's Edward. Let me help you," he said softly, his voice cutting through the haze like a knife through butter. My body leaned instinctively toward his voice, his touch—it was completely out of my control. "Come here." I found myself being lifted into Edward's embrace, and I didn't fight it—I just curled into him, nuzzling my face into his neck, and inhaled his sweet scent—which started to calm me almost immediately. The sobs slowed to occasional hiccups as Edward's arms encircled me, and he rocked me like the fucking baby that I was being.

Edward just continued to cradle me in his arms, stroking my hair gently. Slowly, the tension inside me melted, and I had the urge to climb inside him, dreading the moment my body would lose contact with his. Eventually, I lifted my head from his chest, looking up into his face tentatively. His eyes were filled with sorrow and concern. "Edward..." I faltered. He wiped away my tears, caressing my face with his long fingers, and placed a chaste kiss on my forehead. "Lower, boyscout," I joked, my voice raspy from all the crying.

A lopsided grin pulled at his lips. "You never quit, do you?" Then he surprised me by kissing me softly on the mouth.

"_You_ never quit, do you?" I mumbled.

"Not with certain things, no. Do you want to tell me what's going on, Izzy?"

"It was James. He put a bunch of black roses in my locker and a...a photo..." My breathing hitched as I dissolved into more tears.

"Izzy, let me see it, please."

My arms were still held so tight to my body that I didn't realize until I loosened my grip that the thorns from the roses had dug into my arms. Beads of blood rose to the surface, and Edward drew in a harsh breath as his eyes went dark. "Oh, Edward, I'm sorry," I whispered, horrified.

He closed his eyes, clenching his jaw, a low growl rumbling in his chest. I watched a war being waged on his handsome face—between wanting to be 'human' and the urge to follow his baser instinctual nature. Something clicked inside me, and I realized that we had more in common than I had ever considered. Edward couldn't be himself in front of most people either—he was constantly putting on an act—and he had temptations to fight constantly. Sympathy flooded through me, and I felt ashamed about the first time I met Edward—when I'd purposely cut my finger and held it up right in his face.

Slowly, I tried to move off of his lap, but his arms tightened around me. "Izzy, don't move. Give me a moment please." Edward's voice was strained. I stilled my movements, trying to give him the time he needed. I knew Edward would never intentionally hurt me, so fear was not a prevalent emotion—but the guilt over the day I had wantonly exposed my blood to him still weighed heavily on me.

"Is there anything I can do to make it easier for you?" I asked quietly.

"Do you have a tissue? Can you wipe the blood off?"

"Yes, I have one in my jacket." I reached slowly into my pocket to pull out the tissue and wiped the blood away. "Better?"

"Yes," Edward sighed with relief. "Thank you, Izzy. I'm sorry about that—I hope you know I would never..."

I put my fingers up to his lips. "Shh, I know, Edward. It's _me_ that's always hurting you." Laying my head down on his chest, the tears started to fall again—this time I wasn't sure if I was only crying for the photo I still held in my hand or if some of my tears were for Edward.

"May I?" Edward asked gently, tugging at the picture. It was hard for me, but I let it go—let him look at the current source of my pain. He drew in a harsh breath. "That twisted bastard!"

"Watch out, boyscout; you're going to sully your pristine reputation," I joked, trying to lighten the mood—but there was no lightening this up.

Edward held up the crime scene photo of Charlie taken by the Medical Examiner after he'd been stabbed to death—a large puddle of blood pooling beneath him. Along the bottom was scrawled, 'Like father, like daughter. I'm hungry for _your_ blood, bitch!'

A feral growl ripped from between Edward's lips, and I looked up into his face, startled. This was the first time I'd experienced a truly angry Edward—when the anger was of the vampire variety rather than the vampire-playing-human variety—and it was a sight to behold. His lips peeled back from his very sharp teeth, and his eyes turned a deep shade of onyx. Even though I knew it wasn't directed at me, my heart picked up speed, and adrenaline rushed through my veins. Suddenly Edward stood up, with me in his arms and started to run. I closed my eyes tight and clung to him with all my might as he tore through the forest like the wind. There was no opportunity to ask him why he was running or where we were headed.

Eventually, he slowed to a stop and let me down, keeping his arms wrapped tightly around me. Blinking a few times, I looked into his darkened eyes, which still looked rather wild. "Edward?" I said tentatively. His attention fully on me, I was backed slowly into a tree, a continuous low growl rumbling in his throat. As my back came in contact with the rough bark, Edward's arms slid from around me, and his arms caged me in against the tree, his body pressed up against mine. The back of my head bumped up against the bark, strands of my hair catching in the crags and pulling—but I barely noticed as my face tilted up to stare into Edward's mesmerizing eyes. I realized I was holding my breath, and I was nervous, not knowing what was about to happen. "Edward? What's happening? Please..." I whispered.

His lips came down on mine softly. By the way things were going, I would've expected loss of coherency—for him to be rough with me—but his lips were soft, gentle and probing. There was no sign that Edward _wasn't_ in control, although the low growl still issued from his chest. I found myself wet all of a sudden, and I wondered if there was something wrong with me. I didn't waste much time on those thoughts as I was lost in Edward's kiss—our lips molding together—his tongue sliding slowly into my mouth and teasing mine until I was so filled with sensations I thought I would implode. My fingers dug into the bark of the tree–the rough feel against my palms in contrast to the smoothness of Edward's skin, lips and tongue. And the electric tingling? It had increased to a palpable buzzing within me.

Pulling back, Edward nuzzled his nose under my ear, his cool lips nipping at my neck. Bringing his mouth to my ear, he whispered, "Izzy, I want to remove his mark. Will you let me?"

A thrill flared in my chest at his words. "What do you mean? How would you..." I drifted off.

"I would have to bite you, Izzy." Edward drew his head back until he was gazing down at me. He brought his hands to cup my face.

"But, my blood—it bothered you so much just before..."

"Izzy, I took off with you because I heard Alice's thoughts—James is at the school."

"I know; he left that shit in my locker."

"No. He's on the grounds of the school _right now_. I'm sorry; I just had to get you out of there." Edward pushed his fingers into the hair at the nape of my neck, looking down at me intensely.

"_What_?" I lost my breath. James was at the school. How open was he willing to be about coming after me? I trembled, closing my eyes tight.

"I won't let him hurt you. I want to replace his mark with my own, so he knows that if he touches you, I'll go after him. I promise I won't harm you."

My hands found their way around Edward's waist sliding up his back. "I know that, Edward. I trust you."

"That means a lot to me, Izzy. Maybe it's wrong of me, but I feel possessive of you—I want to make love to you while my teeth are in your neck."

I looked up at him in surprise. "Edward...you know I can't -" I started, but he cut me off with his mouth on mine. I felt like I was on a slippery slope straight to hell. I kept letting Edward get under my skin—and that was dangerous for me—it was perilous for my heart, my health, my well-being. Did I stop his kiss though? No. I welcomed his cool, smooth tongue into my warm, waiting mouth...and I moaned while I was at it. _Stupid!_

Edward looked down at me, his eyes saying all those dangerous things I didn't want to acknowledge. I opened my mouth, but he spoke first. "Izzy, I know you're at a difficult place in your life, and I know you can't promise me anything. I'm not asking you to. I can't help what I feel, who I am, or what my instincts dictate—but the burden of that is all mine. Please let me make love to you...let me take away what James did. It may get him to think twice before coming after you."

"But, Edward—then he'll know about you! He might come for you. I told you, I don't want you hurt because of me."

"Izzy, he _already_ knows about me."

"What? How?" A frisson of fear ran up my spine and took residence in my heart. If anything happened to Edward because of me— _Well, well...what do you think that means? Why do you care so much what happens to him? You're going soft, _my inner banshee chimed in. I wanted to tell her to fuck off, but I knew it was true.

"Just like I smelled him—he would've smelled me. I've been all over your room and in your bed, Izzy. The best move we could make would be a definitive one. But I understand if you don't want my mark on you." Edward looked away.

I reached up to caress his face. "Edward, it's not that—please don't feel that way. I hate having James' mark on me! I would much rather have yours." His eyes shot back to mine. All kinds of feelings were starting to poke through the silt shifting inside me—feelings that were dangerous and unfamiliar. _Don't do it, Izzy! Stop this, right now! Are you daft?_ My inner banshee was screeching. I ignored her and kept looking into Edward's eyes. Edward, who'd done nothing but try to help me, support me, make me feel wanted—even though I hurt him left and right. _Stop this! He'll tire of you and leave once he knows what you really are—or he'll die—just like everyone else. _"Edward, I'm broken—empty. I have nothing to offer you. I wish I did; I wish I could. I know I've hurt you, and I'm so sorry. Just walk away and forget me."

"I can't walk away—I _won't_ walk away." He pulled me closer against him, burying his face in my neck. I could barely breathe, but I hardly noticed. "I only ask for one promise from you...don't cut me off completely. I know you don't feel what I feel, but please don't shut me out."

"This isn't fair to you. Even in my broken state, I know that. Please, Edward, you deserve better than this." _Now you're talking, sweetheart! Get rid of the vampire._

"Let me worry about the details. I'm not going anywhere. You can be around me willingly, or I can lurk in the shadows, but I'm not going away." Edward's jaw was set stubbornly.

I allowed my fingers to roam his face, memorizing it. My inner banshee continued to scream, but I ignored her. No, maybe I couldn't fall in love and have a normal relationship, but Edward knew what he was getting into, and I would be able to keep my distance, right? "Edward, I won't keep you out. But you have to understand the rules. I do what I want, when I want. I'm not looking to be in a relationship—you understand that, right?"

"Yes."

"You're suddenly okay with my lifestyle?"

"No, but I'm less okay with having you completely out of my life. Like I said...let me worry about the details."

This felt all kinds of wrong to me, but I was selfish—I wanted Edward near me. I missed him holding me at night; I missed his crooked smile and, most especially, the electricity that singed my skin wherever he touched me. Guilt started to weigh down on me immediately, but I shoved it down.

"Edward...yes. Yes." What was I saying yes to exactly? I wasn't sure. _Slippery slope,_ the banshee whispered in my ear.

"I'm going to bring you back to my home. There's nobody there today," he whispered.

"Why?"

"Because I want you in my bed. Right now." His tone and the look in his eyes made me tingle everywhere.

"What about school?"

"Fuck school," Edward growled, picking me up in his arms. _Oh, my._

After another dizzying run through the vegetation, we stood in front of a beautiful house with lots of glass windows. It was magnificent, like nothing I'd ever seen before. Edward led me around to the back and pulled me on his back as he jumped up to an open third story window. My breath caught, and I sputtered, "Haven't you ever heard of a door, Edward? Are you _trying_ to scare me to death?" He just gave me his lopsided smile. _Deep down_, _he's just a little boy trapped in a vampire's body, _I thought to myself.

I didn't even get a chance to look around the room. One minute I was standing next to the open floor-to-ceiling window, and the next I was on my back on Edward's bed with him leaning over me. His lips found mine, and this time his kisses went deeper and lasted longer. His hands moved over my body gently, undoing buttons, pulling down my skirt, unclipping my bra—without breaking our kiss. I wasn't sure how he managed to do all that at once, and I soon found myself naked beneath him. Edward's shirt was unbuttoned, affording a nice view of his muscled chest and stomach, and his low slung jeans didn't leave much to the imagination. I ran my hands along the planes of his chest, enjoying the cool, hard feel beneath my fingers.

Lifting off me, he shed his clothes quickly, and I admired the beauty of his body for a moment before he came back down over me. Edward kissed his way down my neck and took one of my nipples into his mouth, flicking it with his tongue while he rolled the other between his fingers. I moaned, arching into his mouth. He moved lower, across my navel, then traveled over to my side—and that's when I froze. His nose skimmed gently over the scars alongside my ribs, which were in various states of healing, and then I felt his lips on them. "Edward, what are you doing?" A feeling of panic was starting to set in.

"Why do you do this to your beautiful body, Izzy?" I felt his tongue licking up my left side, running over my scars, and although they were all healed, it felt like acid was being poured in them. "I want to understand you," he murmured.

"Edward, no. Please don't." I shifted beneath him, trying to get away, but he was all over me. His fingers bit into my hips, and he held me still as he continued to kiss and lick at my battle scars. Tears started to flow, and I couldn't stop them. "It hurts."

"I'm sorry. Let me take your pain away."

"You can't."

Edward brought his lips back up to mine, speaking against them. "That's because you hold onto it so tight. Don't be afraid; I won't let you fall." He entered me then, his beautiful eyes looking into mine. Just like before, I couldn't look away once my gaze was locked onto his. His hips ground into mine in long, slow thrusts as he took his time. The sensations started building the moment Edward was inside me, and I knew there was something different about him—about us—but I didn't want to admit it even to myself. The tears kept leaking out the corners of my eyes, and Edward kissed them away before bringing his lips to my ear. "I'm going to bite you now. I promise to be gentle—it won't hurt like when he did it."

I nodded, knowing he was being truthful. One thing I was sure of was that Edward would never intentionally hurt me. Bringing his lips down to my neck, he kissed the place where James had ripped into me without mercy, then he pierced the skin with his razor sharp teeth. There was a slight stinging pain...and then, as he swallowed a mouthful of my blood, I felt as though my entire core was melting into a pool of molten lava. With James it was painful, a violation—with Edward it was ecstasy. "Oh, Edward..." I moaned.

He started to move faster within me, rolling his hips at a steady rhythm. He drank slowly, taking very little blood, but having his teeth sunk in my neck while he was moving inside me was driving me ever closer to the edge. He fingered my scars lightly with his right hand, then moved it up to smooth back my hair, caressing my face. Everything Edward did was sensual, worshipful and gentle. He was so much more than I deserved, and I could never live up to what he needed me to be. I scraped my stubby nails across his shoulder blades, holding on for dear life as I came undone beneath him, crying out his name.

Retracting his teeth from my neck, he sucked the venom out, moaning against my skin as he moved faster inside me, nearing his own release. Licking the wound closed, he cried out a second later, his head thrown back as he emptied his cold seed into me.

Afterward we lay on the bed, our limbs entwined, and he stroked me gently—always having his hands on some part of me. I was enjoying it way too much, and my inner banshee kept trying to rise up and ruin things, but for once, I ignored her.

"Are you okay?" Edward whispered against my hair.

"Yes." I ran my fingers up the side of his neck and into his hair, which was surprisingly soft—then again, everything about Edward was surprising to me.

"I wish we could stay here like this, but my family will be coming home soon. Vampires don't have the same...boundaries that humans do." Edward smirked. "For example, with our sensitive hearing, there's no such thing as privacy around here."

"Oh! That must be...awkward—or it could be fun, depending on your point of view!" I snickered.

"Izzy!" Edward laughed out loud, and the sound was melodic, a balm to the soul. I realized I hadn't really heard him laugh before, and the thought made me sad.

**~0~**

We were dressed and sitting on the couch, our fingers entwined, when the first of the Cullens arrived home. Emmett and Rosalie walked in. When Edward introduced us, Rosalie snorted, throwing me a lethal look and stomped away.

"So nice to meet you, too, Rosalie!" I called to her retreating back. _Bitch._

Emmett appeared to be an overgrown kid. He was cute and goofy, wasting no time teasing us. "So...you guys had a bit of fun today, eh?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

"Emmett!" Edward glared at him.

"What? It's about time you got some! I'm just happy for you, bro."

"Emmett! Shut it!" Edward gritted his teeth. Turning to me, he said, "Izzy, let me apologize for my brother. He often opens his mouth without thinking first."

I giggled, and it sounded foreign passing through my lips. "It's nice to meet you, Emmett."

"I'm gonna go to talk to Rosie. She's a bit cranky today." Emmett looked apologetic as he took the stairs three at a time.

A moment later, Alice danced through the door on the arm of a handsome, honeyed blond. "Hi, Izzy!" she called out to me. "This is Jasper, my mate. Jasper, this is Izzy. She's the one we're protecting from James—the vampire that showed up at school."

"Hey, Alice. Nice to meet you, Jasper."

Jasper stilled, looking at me intensely. He walked around the coffee table to my right and reached out to push my hair out of the way. I shrank back against Edward, unsure what he thought he was doing. "Hey, hands off! What's your deal?" I glared at him.

"My _deal_ is that we aren't just protecting you from this James now. Edward here has seen fit to throw down the gauntlet at James' feet." Jasper's eyes were serious, his handsome face tense. "What were you thinking, Edward?"

"Wait, what are you talking about?" I asked, confused. I turned to look at Edward who was giving Jasper a hard stare. There seemed to be some kind of silent communication taking place between them. Alice just stood off to the side, looking thoughtful.

"No, Edward, she has a right to know what you've done." Jasper looked back to me. "Izzy, by replacing James' mark with his own, Edward has effectively challenged James."

"Challenged him to what?"

"Jasper..." Edward growled in warning, standing up and coming nose to nose with Jasper.

"A fight to the death."

"_What_? Edward, what the fuck were you thinking? I never would have let you...but that's why you didn't tell me isn't it?"

Edward turned to face me, taking my hands in his. "Don't worry, Izzy. Nothing has changed. I told you my family and I were going to protect you from James, and that's exactly what we're going to do."

"But you've made yourself a target! You knew that was something I didn't want. Edward, why?"

He drew me into his embrace. "It will give James something else to concentrate on besides you. We'll dispose of him; don't worry."

Suddenly, Rosalie flew into the room hissing. "Edward! What the hell were you thinking? You bring this – this _trollop_ here to our home and then leave your calling card all over her so this James is sure to come after you? This isn't just about you—we're a family around here."

"Then act like it, Rose," Edward spat. "Your only concern is how it might inconvenience you or your next manicure."

"Fuck you, Edward. You're so selfish and -" Rosalie started, walking toward Edward, but I'd had enough, and I jumped between them.

"Hey, listen up, ice queen! You don't speak to him like that. Edward is the _least_ selfish person I've ever met! Why don't you crawl back under the fucking designer rock you crawled out from, and just shut the fuck up?"

"Izzy, stop." Edward pulled me back against him, and I tried to fight my way loose to no avail.

"No! Why does she get to talk to you like that? Who the hell does she think she is?"

"She's a vampire, and you're pissing her off."

"You think I'm afraid of her? Hell, no! She won't lay a manicured fingernail on me, will you, sweetheart?" I taunted Rosalie.

Rosalie's face was murderous, and she hissed at me, lunging in my face. Emmett jogged into the room, hiding a smile behind his hand, while Alice watched with interest.

"Yeah, didn't think so." I hissed back at her.

"Izzy," Edward warned.

Suddenly, Jasper was standing in front of me, and it felt like a damp blanket was wrapping itself around me, squeezing firmly. He never touched me or spoke, but I felt like my head was being invaded in some way.

"Hey, fuckwit! What do you think you're doing?" I snapped at him. My anger level kept fluctuating, and an unfamiliar emotion was working its way around me. I got scared and fought back. "I _said_ what the fuck are you doing?"

Jasper just looked into my eyes intensely, without speaking, as that horrible damp blanket closed around me, and then I felt like I was drowning...disappearing. I shook my head, pushing back against Edward's chest and turned my head to the side trying to see his face. "Edward, please make him stop."

"Izzy, just calm down," Edward soothed. He just didn't understand what his brother was doing to me—that I felt like I was being flushed down a drain. So I turned back to face Jasper. "No! Jasper, you have to stop this. You don't understand WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE!" My voice rose to a scream, and I closed my eyes tight.

Suddenly, I was released. Edward still held me firmly, but gently, against his chest—but the squeezing feeling was gone. There was a collective gasp around the room, and my eyes snapped open to see Jasper writhing on the ground. I twisted around in Edward's arms to face him. "What's happening?" I whispered.

Edward's brow was creased with concern. "I'm not sure..."

Alice ran over to Jasper and helped him to sit up. "Jasper?"

Jasper's face started to smooth out, and he looked my way. "She's so fucked up, Edward. Be glad you can't see into her."

"What? You can read minds, too?" I asked.

Alice spoke up. "No, Izzy, Jasper is an empath. He can sense the emotions of others and influence them."

"Well, what the hell happened then?"

Jasper looked over to me. "Is she fully human, Edward?"

"What kind of fucking question is that?" I spat. "Are you fully vampire?"

Jasper smiled tightly. "That's not what I meant, Izzy. You blew a vampire right off his feet. Your emotions were hard enough to handle, but when you screamed at me, some kind of force hit me."

"What? But how?" I gasped.

Edward looked at Jasper intensely, like they were having a silent conversation. "She's definitely human, Jasper. I've never seen anything like that manifest. Have any of you heard of such a thing?"

There were shocked head-shakes around the room. Emmett smiled, bouncing on his toes. "Wow, Izzy! Can you try to knock me down next?"

Edward glared at him. "Inappropriate, Emmett."

Alice looked thoughtful. "I think we need to consult Carlisle about this. I've never heard of a human having a power before, but if she could do that now—just imagine if she was one of us."

"Alice..." Edward shook his head.

"Excuse me—this is a great conversation and all, but I really want to leave now. I've had enough for one day."

"I'm sorry, Izzy. I'll take you home," Edward said softly.

We didn't speak on the way home, both of us lost in thought. I was overwhelmed, thinking about what I found in my locker that morning, then experiencing the raw emotion that Edward always seemed to draw out of me, and then finding out I had exhibited some kind of power against Jasper. I didn't feel bad about knocking Jasper on his ass—he deserved it for what he'd tried to do to me. What upset me most was the fact that the mark on my neck was an open invitation for James to come after Edward—and I tried to tell myself this only bothered me because Edward had such a kind soul, _not_ because I was starting to have real feelings for him—feelings that could devastate me if..._don't go there._ Pain flared in my chest.

When we reached my house, Ricky was sitting on the front porch. He got up and ran to the driveway as we pulled in. "Izzy! Are you okay?" He grabbed me up into a tight hug. "God, I was so worried about you. Why don't you answer your phone?" As Edward stepped out of the car, Ricky stopped talking and just stared with his mouth slightly open.

"Ricky." Edward nodded his way.

"Edward. I didn't know you two knew each other." Ricky looked down at me knowingly.

"Fuck off, Ricky. Don't start with me right now," I snapped.

"Sorry. Everything alright, Izzy B? You scared me the way you ran off this morning." Ricky seemed to want to keep a hold on me, but he reluctantly stepped away, shooting a nervous look at Edward—who was watching him closely—almost jealously.

"Neutral corners, boys. Edward, Ricky is my best friend." I wasn't sure why I felt the need to explain myself..._how ridiculous_!

"Yes, I'm aware of that. Thank you, Ricky, for being so supportive of Izzy. She doesn't have enough of that in her life," Edward said graciously.

Ricky looked at Edward with narrowed eyes. "Thanks, Edward. Just what is _your_ role in Izzy's life?"

"Ricky!" I slapped him on the arm, but he completely ignored me as he turned Edward's way, going toe to toe with him.

Edward smiled. "I like you, Ricky; I think you're good for Izzy. I'm not _sure_ what my role in Izzy's life is—when she lets me know, I'd be happy to share that with you."

Ricky burst out laughing. "Oh, so _you're_ the one that has Izzy all twisted up inside." He bumped fists with Edward. "Good luck, man. You'll need it."

"Yes, thanks." Edward tried to suppress a smirk but failed miserably.

"Um, excuse me? I'm standing right here!" I fumed. "You two just aren't allowed to pull that shit."

They stopped, but neither of them looked sorry, and they kept throwing each other looks when they thought I didn't notice. "Hey! Are you two planning to run away together, or were you just ignoring me before?"

"Totally ignoring you," Ricky teased. "I think this is my cue to leave. I think you've got it from here, Edward. Izzy, call me if you need me—at least _I_ answer my phone."

I hugged him tight. "Thanks, Ricky, for everything. I mean it. I don't know what I would do without you." Tears threatened to spill over, and I swiped them away quickly.

After Ricky was gone, I turned to Edward. "Look, boyscout, there's nothing going on between me and Ricky." _What the fuck does that matter, you twit?_ my inner banshee yelled at me. I guess I just wanted Edward to know I didn't fuck _everybody_. Again, I felt that slippery slope looming before me. _Shit!_

"I know. He really cares about you; he's a good friend. Let's get you inside." Edward put an arm around my shoulders and guided me into the house.

The pain of Charlie's loss barely flared as I turned the lights on, and I ignored the mail, the blinking light on the answering machine and the dirty dishes waiting in the sink. I just wanted to get right to my room—right to some drugs, really—but I knew I wouldn't be allowed that luxury. If Edward stayed with me, I thought I could make it through the night without drugs. As we came through the door of my room, I heard Edward hiss. Adrenaline flooded my system, but I couldn't see what he was seeing through the darkness.

I flicked on the light and saw the black rose lying on my pillow. Edward tried to pull me out of the room, but it was too late—I saw the walls—every square inch had been covered with the same crime scene photo that James left in my locker.

**/\**

_**Stalked in the forest too close to hide  
I'll be upon you by the moonlight side  
Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo  
High blood drumming on your skin it's so tight  
You feel my heat I'm just a moment behind  
Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo**_

_**In touch with the ground  
I'm on the hunt I'm after you  
Scent and a sound. I'm lost and I'm found  
And I'm hungry like the wolf.  
Strut on a line it's discord and rhyme  
I howl and I whine I'm after you  
Mouth is alive all running inside  
And I'm hungry like the wolf. **_

_**~ From 'Hungry Like the Wolf' ~ Duran Duran**_

**A/N: Izzy is still fighting her feelings for Edward. Coming up we'll get a better picture of just how deep in Edward is, and some of the background on that. James has plans, and they aren't of the lightning-fast variety.**

**Check out my profile for the link to my story banner album which has the awesome new banner featuring James. Growl.**

**Reviewers get TEASED!**


	3. Chapter 3 Your Face Is All I See

**A/N: Finally, Izzy and Boyscout are back! Thank you SO much to all of you that supported me through this forced hiatus. This chapter is all from Edward's POV (by popular demand), and I have another chapter lined up from Izzy's POV that will be released in a few days. I went on a writing binge to make up for the long wait, and I hope you guys enjoy.**

**This is definitely rated M for language and LEMONS! **_**Spare pair alert, ladies.**_

**I have to profusely thank my lovely pre-readers (and partners in crime) Sandy and Keye. You guys rock! Big love to Dazzy for the new banner being introduced with this chapter, which can be seen on my Story Banner link which is on my profile. H-O-T!**

**As always, a huge thank you to my beta, Jess (jkane180), for her awesome skillz and talents. Mwah!**

**Disclaimer:** I own Darren, Matt, Ricky and Jack. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all its characters—I like to play with them, and use them to get under your skin. Are we there yet?

**~*0*~**

**Chapter 3**

**~Your Face Is All I See~**

**~*0*~**

_**Excerpt from LOST by Faith Hill**_

_**Is it obvious to you  
When you walk into a room  
Your face is all I see  
And my heart races so fast  
I never knew a rush to feel like that  
Every time you're touching me**_

_**I never did believe in anything  
I couldn't hold between my fingers  
But the way you make me feel  
It's just so real the way it lingers**_

_**I get lost inside your stare  
Lost when you're not there  
And everything I have  
Doesn't mean a thing if it's without you  
If it's a dream  
Don't wake me up  
I'll scream if this isn't love  
If bein' lost means never knowin' how it feels without you  
I wanna stay lost forever  
I wanna stay lost forever.. with you.**_

_**No this feelin' doesn't end  
It's with me everywhere I am  
Hope it never goes away  
It's like defying gravity  
I'm losing all control in bein' free  
And I always wanna stay  
**_

**~*0*~**

**~*Edward*~**

When Izzy saw that the walls of her room had been papered over with the crime scene photo—including the ceiling—she fainted, and I caught her up in my arms gently. I gazed around in wonderment, knowing that only a truly sadistic mind would come up with such a horrid display. What he'd done to her this morning wasn't enough? I looked down upon her face as I cradled her in my arms. How much could she stand before she broke completely? My fear was that her mind would snap before I could pull her back from the precipice she was so carefully balancing on.

A few moments later, the window slid up, and Alice popped through it. "Hey, Edward. I saw—thought you might need someone to investigate while you take care of Izzy. Bring her back to the house—I don't think it's going to be safe here tonight."

"Thanks, Alice. You won't be here alone?" I had no idea if James was working solo.

"Jasper will be here in a few, and Emmett's on his way. You go; I'll be fine here." I nodded, turning to leave. _Edward! _I turned back to Alice, and her eyes were sad and serious. _He's not going to give up. We really need to protect her. _I could see his deranged face in Alice's mind, and I growled low in my throat.

I ran Izzy back to my house, entering my room through the window. As I lay her on the bed, she started to mumble and bat her hands in the air.

"No...please...take me. I'll stay with you, James, as long as you don't hurt him." Her voice was filled with desperation, and she tossed to the side, whimpering. "He's too good. Please...don't...NO!" Izzy sat straight up, her eyes snapping wide open, the scream dying on her lips when she saw me sitting beside her. Her heart was beating hard, like a little bird's, and as she realized where she was—and that she had only been dreaming—her eyes became guarded once again.

I reached out a hand to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear—really just an excuse to touch her. "Izzy, I brought you home with me. I want you stay here tonight. Alice said it isn't safe to be at your place right now." She looked up at me silently, and I could see her mind at work through her eyes—running through her options—deciding if I was safer to be around than taking a chance on James, wondering if I would let her go if she wanted to leave, wanting to stay with me but fighting like hell not to admit it. I decided to end the torture for her. I stroked her cheek lightly as I gazed deeply into her eyes, and her body responded to mine—I could scent the complex chemicals she exuded—because even if she wanted to fight me in her _mind_...her body would always give her away. "Izzy, this is about your safety—it's not about giving in to me or being weak—it's about self-preservation. Stay. Please."

She broke eye contact, looking down, and picked at her stubby fingernails. Her mouth opened and then closed. When she spoke, her voice came as barely a whisper. "Edward, he doesn't just want to kill me—he wants to play with his food—play with both of us. This is a game to him. I'm so sorry..." Izzy shook her head once, hard and then looked up at me with intensity in her eyes, leaning toward me. "If I leave here...if I go far away—will he leave you alone?"

"Izzy, no." The thought of being any distance away from her was abhorrent to me. She had no idea what happened to me when I found her—that I could not, would not and no longer desired to live without her near me. If she knew the truth about me, she would run. Difficult though it was, I had to remind myself to tread carefully.

"Yes. Tell me the truth, boyscout. Will he leave you alone if I go away?" Izzy's jaw was set and her eyes determined.

I sighed. "No, Izzy. It won't make any difference to James—he may go after you first, but he'll come after me, too. It's a rare vampire that would let an insult like that go."

"Why did you do it then? My life is fucked up enough; I don't want to be responsible for James trying to hurt you."

"Izzy, this isn't your fault in any way—I knew exactly what I was doing—I'm a big boy. It was _my_ decision to make, so I don't want you to feel any guilt over it, okay?" I put my hand under her chin, lifting her face to mine.

"Okay. I suppose we can't go back now. Promise me though—if it comes down to me or you—let him take me." I drew in a sharp breath at her words. I opened my mouth to protest, but she placed her fingers over my lips. "Shh. Don't say all the things I know you want to. Like Jasper pointed out...I'm so fucked in the head, Edward. You're definitely the one who deserves to walk this earth. Promise me?"

I grabbed her hand in mine, placing a kiss on it before pulling it away from my mouth. "I promise you that I'll do my best to make sure we _both_ get out of this alive—anything more, I can't agree to. Just keep this in mind—I'll always be there to catch you when you're falling, Izzy—so if you head into danger, know that I'll be right behind you. You go—we go."

Izzy stiffened, turning frosty all of a sudden. "Don't do that. Don't make me promises that you can't keep. Nobody has ever been there for me—when the going gets tough, people either dick out on me or die. I survive because I count on the only one I can—me."

Ah, so there it was. I knew there was a major stumbling block holding her back from allowing feelings to develop for me. She fought me tooth and nail, even when she gave in and we made love—when I went down on her, I could feel her fighting it with all she had—as though to allow herself pleasure under my tongue was an unforgivable weakness.

I captured her wrists as she tried to pull away from me, and she started to struggle. She fought me so hard I thought she might injure herself, so I pushed her down, straddling her body with her arms pinned to each side of her head. My pants tightened as I grew impossibly hard, my erection straining against my jeans. I pressed down on Izzy, trying to calm her, and she immediately noticed the bulge in my jeans. A wicked smile played about her lips. "Are you going to ravish me now, Edward? Does my struggling and being disappointed in all sentient beings turn you on?"

I closed my eyes, willing my throbbing erection to go down. This was not the time for my body to react like a hormonal teen. I wanted—needed-her to understand at least some of what I was feeling for her, even though I couldn't tell her the whole truth right now. I thought about my sister Rosalie, which made my hard-on disappear in seconds, then I pressed Izzy down to the bed and leaned in close to her ear. "Izzy, I can't deny the way my body reacts to you, but it _doesn't_ turn me on that you've been let down so many times in your life—in fact, it makes me feel sick. I would never do that to you—I wish there was a way I could make you understand—I'm going to be here when you need me, and I'll never let you down."

She couldn't get away from me, so she closed her eyes. Tears started to leak from under her long, lush lashes—slowly at first, then in an increasing flow—and I gently kissed away the river of her tears, greedily drinking in the saltiness. I kept whispering to her—wishing I could say what I really felt but knowing that would only distress her further. "You're beautiful, Izzy. I'm sorry you've been hurt so many times." I placed more gentle kisses on her face and along the angle of her jaw. "Let me be here for you. I'm not asking you for anything in return—just let me care for you."

"I don't know if I can, Edward..." Her breathing hitched. "God, how I wish I had a joint right now! I don't suppose vampires smoke weed?"

"Sorry, no. You realize the drugs are just crutches, Izzy."

"And you're _not_ a crutch for me, Edward?" she asked with her eyes still closed.

"I hoped to mean more to you than that." I allowed a bit of hurt to seep into my voice.

Izzy's eyes snapped open and their deep brown depths were filled with emotions I couldn't name. She tugged a hand free and caressed my face. "Edward, you do mean more than that—so much more. I can't afford to go where your eyes want to take me. It isn't that I don't want to...I'm just so messed up. You'll just get dragged down into the pit with me. Find yourself a nice girl...someone that deserves you." She closed her eyes and drew in another breath. "But you are a crutch for me, Edward. I can't sleep right without you next to me; I don't need the drugs as much when I'm with you...don't you see? I'm replacing one addiction with another."

"Or maybe you're finding the strength to move past it. We don't have to talk about this now. You need sleep, Izzy. Stay here with me tonight—no strings."

She looked up at me with amusement. "What if I want to do more than sleep?" Her hand crept to the growing bulge in my jeans.

I shook my head. "Not tonight, Izzy. You need to sleep. And I—I need to get a bit of control over myself around you."

As we assumed our usual sleep positions—Izzy on her back, my right arm across her torso, legs pinning hers to the bed—I allowed myself the indulgence of nuzzling my face into her fragrant tresses. After a few minutes, she spoke. "You know, boyscout, control is somewhat overrated. I know you want to fuck me."

"But I'm not going to."

"I was afraid that would be your answer. 'Night, Cullen. Try not to ogle me too much in my sleep, you perv."

I smiled into her hair, waiting for her breathing to even out as she fell asleep. I had some thinking to do.

**~0~**

Once Izzy was deeply asleep, I allowed my thoughts to roam more freely. I always felt as though I needed to be on guard when she was awake—never knowing what she would say or do next. Relief filled me to know that, at least for tonight, she was safe. I had no doubt that my family and I could dispatch with James easily enough, but Izzy presented the potential for unknown variables since she was so unpredictable. I knew she wouldn't curtail her life just because a vampire that had a thing for her suggested it. Izzy didn't completely trust me yet—at least not with her heart.

As for my feelings...I was in trouble. The first time I saw Izzy in biology class, something stirred inside me. Her reaction to me was so unexpected that it took me a while to figure out what was happening, but as I yanked her into that empty classroom to find out what her story was...these feelings started to boil just beneath the surface—unfamiliar feelings. When she saw my entire family in the parking lot, I decided to seek her out, but I was using her glimpse of them as an excuse to speak to her again, to try to understand what I was feeling and why I couldn't stop thinking of her. After all, she was hard and rude, with a mouth on her that would make a sailor blush, she would fuck anyone that struck her fancy and she filled her body with illegal and illicit substances. So I wondered why I wanted so badly to touch her skin, feel her body up against mine and longed to see if her lips were as soft as they appeared—why I wanted her hair draped across my bare chest as I held onto her hips.

Oh, those sound like the normal fantasies of a horny male—human or vampire—except I had never experienced urges of this nature before. Yes, I had witnessed much through the eyes, minds and desires of others—enough to recognize the feelings when they came calling—but in a century, I had never felt affection, protectiveness or the desire to mate with anyone. Suddenly, this admittedly screwed up human shows up and turns it all upside down.

After the confrontation in the classroom, I followed a distance behind and listened to her and Tyler Crowley out in the woods. I couldn't help the growl that built in my chest as I realized that he was buried inside her, and I wanted it to be me. I was stymied as to where these sudden urges were coming from. I shadowed her the rest of the day, and that night, I climbed in through her bedroom window. I inhaled deeply—her heady scent was intensely concentrated there—nearly missing the sound of her padding footsteps as she tried to sneak up on the 'intruder' in her room. It was actually quite comical to see her there in the doorway, looking fierce as she pointed the Smith & Wesson at me. She knew her stuff—I'd no doubt that she could use that gun if she had to.

When she stalked me, pressing her delectable body against mine, I almost lost it. It would be so easy to take from her—to just give in and bed her. I was hard as a rock, and the only thing that stopped me was the memory of her with Tyler. Izzy was loose—she would sleep with anyone—she didn't want _me_. I laughed at myself inside, and as she reached up to kiss me, I moved with inhuman speed to the other side of the room—the rejection seemed to really bother her. I supposed she wasn't used to being turned down—and God!—I didn't want to turn her down.

I couldn't stop my mouth from forming the words, and when I asked what self-respecting girl screws a guy to get back at a girl she doesn't like—when I told her that I was old-fashioned and thought there should be meaning to making love—it saddened me greatly when she informed me that she didn't have any self-respect, that she didn't make love...she _fucked _because it was something she could understand that dulled her pain. I think in that moment is when I decided that Izzy was going to make love to _me._ I wanted to be her first—the first man she ever made love to—as she would, in turn, be my first. The circumstances were difficult, and far from ideal, but I was determined to reach her somehow.

When Lauren and her entourage cornered Izzy in the Girl's Room, I monitored things from outside to make sure they didn't get out of hand. My girl sure could handle herself though—she didn't need me at all. When she saw me leaning against the wall out in the hallway, she got in my face. She was so angry at the thought that I might have been there to protect Lauren. That's when she started calling me 'boyscout.' I'm hardly a boyscout, but she could think it if she wanted to. I'd done things in my rebellious days that would probably make even Izzy squirm. I was also lying to her—keeping the fact that I was a virgin vampire that had bonded to her a secret—because I knew that if I told her she would never allow me near her again.

I continued to shadow Izzy, growing jealous every time she had an interlude with someone. I noticed that she never let herself go, that her couplings were more about control and power—hers over them—than about pleasure. One day, Ricky—who seemed to be her only real friend—helped her through a major panic attack, and that's when I heard her say she wasn't sleeping well. I decided to check things out and found myself a comfortable branch in the tree outside Izzy's room to roost on. Nights for a vampire can be quite boring, but I had a new lease on life—a new mission.

Alice started singing songs in her head when I was around her, an impish grin on her face. When I asked her what she saw, she told me that I had found my match—but there was much still up in the air. Alice just wasn't willing to show me the ever changing visions based on Izzy's constant mood swings with regard to me. One night as I was leaving to take up my post in the tree outside Izzy's house—disturbingly stalkerish, I know—Alice gripped my arm. "Edward, Izzy is your mate...but she's really screwed up. She has feelings for you, but she's trying as hard as she can to fight them off for some reason. She hasn't made a decision yet, so I can't tell you what will happen—but I believe in you, and she_ really_ needs you, Edward."

"I'll do what I can, Alice."

"Follow your instincts tonight, Edward. Just trust me."

That was the night I heard Izzy screaming in her dreams. Her cries pierced the night and my long dead heart. I hesitated only a second, remembering how Alice told me to follow my instincts, before I was inside her room. I stood watching her thrash around, crying and pleading with people not to die, not to hurt her, not to let her down. Wondering if I should wake her, I crawled onto the bed, and as she started to thrash around, I put my arm across her body to keep her from hurting herself. She was still flinging her legs around, so I pinned them with my own and pressed her to the bed. I'm not sure why I did this—I was simply following instinct—and I fully expected her to wake up and curse me. Within a few seconds, Izzy stopped struggling and crying, then she sighed contentedly and fell into a deep slumber. I smiled—ten points for Team Boyscout.

The next night, the dreams came again, but as I climbed on the bed she woke up. I whispered her name, but a few seconds later found her pistol aimed right between my eyes. Jesus but the girl had fast reflexes—and why did she need to sleep with a gun under her pillow? She was obviously embarrassed when she realized it was me, and typical of her, told me to get out. I refused to leave; I persisted, and once she understood that it was me that helped her to stop dreaming, she allowed me to stay. Izzy fell into another contented sleep, and I was happy to be there holding her all night with my nose buried in her fragrant hair.

After that, we fell into a pattern—I would sit in 'my tree' until I heard her nightmares begin—then I would hold her until dawn, disappearing when she was close to waking. I never stayed until she woke up, and by unspoken agreement, we never discussed our arrangement. I was polite to her at school, but I didn't try to be friends with her. My theory was I could slowly break down her defenses over time—Alice was so impatient, she just stomped around throwing her hands in the air.

The night James called, Izzy wasn't dreaming much. I was disappointed that I didn't get to hold her—not that I was happy she had nightmares—when I could hear her cell phone ring. I heard her voice rising, and she sounded upset. I was out of the tree and into her room, but she didn't even notice me there as she hurled the phone at the wall and grabbed for her box of drugs. When I saw she was going for the vial of white powder, I plucked it out of her hands, and she went ballistic on me—yelling, screaming and beating on my chest. I finally got her to relax into my embrace and crouched there on the floor, rocking Izzy in my arms while she sobbed, which made me want to take all her pain away, even though I knew I couldn't. When we broke apart, I couldn't help but take her face in my hands and kiss her even though she was begging me not to. Her lips and her body responded to me—I could smell her arousal—an electric tingling buzzed between us that I had never felt before. When she pushed me away, begging for sleep, I couldn't deny her. When I heard more about James, I became disturbed and offered to protect her. Her warning that I shouldn't get too attached or she wouldn't let me in anymore made my mouth run dry—I was in so deep already; she had no idea—and I would agree to almost anything if she let me stay close to her. So what did that say about me? While she slept with my nose buried in her hair, she whispered my name softly. "Edward..." Maybe there was hope.

One day, while she was out in the woods with Matt, I heard something of interest. Matt noticed that Izzy didn't come when they had sex and offered to go down on her. She seemed to panic at that thought—growing frosty, telling him that's what she had a vibrator for, and if he couldn't accept it then they couldn't fuck anymore—further confirmation that she was doing this as a form of control and power. Why else would she want to deny her own pleasure if not for fear that it handed some of the power off to her partner? Right then I decided that when Izzy and I were together that she would have to agree to make love to me—not fuck. I wanted to make love to her—go down on her—completely take charge and show her how it could be with someone who truly cared for her. Someone who was deeply in love with her—although there was no way I could let her know it without making her run.

The day she went out to the woods and yelled for help, I was frantic as I raced to find her. She was just messing with me though—knowing I would be out there somewhere listening. Izzy purposely walked away from me, twitching her hips in that bewitching way she had, and my control snapped. I was over to her in seconds, pressing my hardness against her ass, pulling her head back and kissing her like an animal. _Nice control, Cullen._ I nearly took her right there against the tree when I trailed my hand up her thigh and grazed her bare ass. Reason took over—I knew I had one chance to establish how it was going to be between us—to distinguish myself from the other males vying for her attentions. I wanted her to crave me the way I craved her—to realize that nobody else could make her feel whole. It was touch and go for a few minutes, but she eventually gave in to me—letting me go down on her and then make love to her.

I was growing hard just thinking about it, and I shifted my body, trying to ease the discomfort in my groin. At my movement, Izzy turned her face slightly toward me, her eyebrows scrunching up. I stilled myself, and after a few minutes, she sighed and tucked her hand under her cheek—she looked so innocent when she slept—no need to put her guard up or push me away. "Edward..." she murmured, leaning closer to me. "Please don't leave me."

Even though I knew she was asleep, I answered her anyway. "I'm not going anywhere, Izzy." I kissed her hair, breathing deeply of her scent. A small smile formed on her lips—such a rare occurrence—and light glinted off her viper bites. Ever so lightly, I ran a finger along her bottom lip, the black metallic rings rasping against my hard skin—even those were black—Izzy seemed to have a fascination with the color black that went way beyond Goth.

"Edward, I'm sorry," she whimpered, growing restless.

I ghosted my fingers along her cheek and into her silky hair. "Shh...it's okay, Izzy."

She whimpered again, her hand running up my neck to caress my face. Her fingers traced my lips, and I kissed the tips of them gently. "Edward," she said huskily, pulling my face toward hers. Her eyes were still closed, and I wasn't sure if she was awake or not; her heart rate often elevated during sleep. Our lips came together in soft, feather-light kisses, and her arms wound around my neck, pulling me in closer. I licked across her bottom lip, flicking her viper bites with my tongue—the metallic taste not entirely unpleasant to me. Izzy moaned, pushing her body flush against mine, grinding herself against my erection.

My resolve not to sleep with Izzy tonight was rapidly dissolving into a pulsing need. I started to pull away, but she clung to me, wrapping a leg around my waist. I groaned. "Izzy, stop."

"Edward, I need you."

"Are you coherent, Izzy?" I asked, running my hand through her hair and down her back. "I don't want to take advantage of you when you're half asleep."

I felt Izzy's hot breath against my neck as she let out a laugh. "_You're_ worried about taking advantage of me, boyscout? I was hoping if you weren't sure I was fully awake that you would just go with it and stop analyzing everything." She licked a trail up my neck and sucked my earlobe into her mouth. Lifting the edge of my shirt, she slipped her hand underneath and ran it up over my chest, tweaking my nipple.

I growled as the last of my control started to slip with her draped all over me, sucking on my ear and offering herself to me. How much was I supposed to take? I was starting to wonder why I had decided not to make love to her tonight, and I couldn't think of a single reason why I shouldn't. I flipped us quickly so she was under me—where I liked her best—there was surprise in the depths of her cinnamon eyes, and I could see the fear of rejection there as well. I crushed my lips to hers, our mouths moving together in perfect sync. Pushing my tongue inside, I kissed her aggressively—I was filled with my own need after laying here thinking about her for hours, listening to her calling out my name in her sleep. My fast and able hands made short work of her clothing, and then they were all over her—running up over her hips, kneading her nipples, ghosting over the ladder of scars where she'd cut herself repeatedly. I didn't understand why she hurt herself that way, but I was determined to give her a reason to stop.

"I want to be on top, Edward," Izzy breathed out between kisses.

I growled possessively. "No." I didn't explain myself; I just raised my head and looked down into her eyes which grew slightly wider. I wanted to lay claim to her in the only way I could right now, and allowing her to dominate me wasn't it. "Do you want me to stop?" I would never force myself on her—there was nothing more abhorrent to me than a man who took what he wanted without consent.

Izzy looked up at me in wonder, and at that moment, I fervently wished I could read her mind. "No." She bit her lip, shaking her head slowly back and forth. Seeing her lip between her teeth just fueled my passion further, and I nipped her lip between mine, taking possession of it to suck on. She moaned, and I knew she was turned on by my aggression as a fresh scent of arousal wafted into my flaring nostrils. I lifted off her for only seconds to remove my clothes, and then I was back over her—kissing, licking and suckling at her delectable body. I didn't have the control to take it really slow this time, and I didn't _want_ to take it slow—I wanted to consume her.

Kissing my way down her neck, I sucked a nipple into my mouth, swirling my tongue around the tightening bud. Releasing her engorged nipple, I nipped my way down her navel—this time skipping the scars on her side that seemed to distress her so much. I pushed her legs apart and allowed my cool breath to coat her glistening folds. I wanted her to know what I was about to do—to be fully aware—this time I would not insist, she would have to agree to it.

I heard her indrawn breath, and her fingers wound themselves into my hair as her heartbeat soared. I could smell her arousal increase, and my mouth filled with venom. "Do you want this, Izzy? You have to tell me."

"Yes," she whispered, tightening her grip in my hair. I ran a finger along her slickness and pressed it into her center. Adding a second one, I pumped them in and out slowly, blowing my cool breath on her clit. Izzy moaned loudly, pushing herself down on my fingers. "Please, Edward."

Reaching out the tip of my tongue, I licked at her lightly as I continued to pump my fingers. She lifted her hips, guiding me in closer with her hands—I could barely control myself, but I wanted this to be all her decision—I wanted there to be no d0ubt in either of our minds that Izzy was not coerced into letting me go down on her this time.

"More, Edward..."

Pulling back slightly, I blew a breath of cool air over her, and then I sucked her clit between my lips. "Oh..." I flattened my tongue against it, and she almost came up off the bed. "My God, Edward!"

When I pulled my fingers out, she hissed, but when I replaced them with my tongue, she moaned with pleasure. I used the pad of my thumb to push and circle her clit as I plunged my tongue in and out of her center with vampire speed. "Holy shit, Edward!" she cried. One of her hands left my hair and sought the hand I was gripping her hip with. I lifted my fingers slightly, and she entwined hers in them tightly—I wondered if she was even conscious of what she'd just done. The smell of her arousal flooded the room, and I knew she was close. Moving my tongue at a steady pace, she soon came undone, releasing her juices into my waiting mouth. "Oh, yes...uh...Edward!"

The taste of her sex was as decadent as her blood—more so because it was released due to the pleasure I was bringing to her body. I licked up every last drop of her nectar before I moved slowly over her, looking down into her eyes. "I need you, Izzy," I said thickly, my erection throbbing.

"Take me, Edward." She pulled my mouth down to hers, licking my lips and moaning.

Her legs were spread around my hips, and I was lined up perfectly with her center. Wasting no time, I speared her with a hiss and started moving inside her. Feeling my mate wrapped around me—being buried deep inside her—was an indescribable feeling. Even though I'd never made love to anyone else, I had a feeling if I did, it wouldn't even come close to the sensations that were flooding my senses. Izzy clung to me as I thrust my hips into her at a fast clip—probably much faster than a human male would be able to—but ever mindful of her fragility so I wouldn't harm her. By her heart rate, blood flow and the scent of her arousal, I could tell that she was close to orgasm again, and I wanted us to come together. Pumping into her, I looked deeply into her eyes as we both drew closer to the edge. When I felt her starting to clench around me, it set off my own release. "Izzy..." I moaned, crashing my lips down to hers, and we cried out into each other's mouths.

As we came down from our high, I rolled to the side, pulling her tight against me. She pressed her lips against my chest and then licked the hollow of my throat. "Mm-mm, Edward...where did you learn to fuck like that?"

"Izzy, I don't -"

"Fuck—yes, I know. How many women have you been with anyway? You really know your way around a woman's body."

My heart sank. I didn't want to lie to her anymore than I already was, but I couldn't tell her she'd been my first—not yet. "Izzy, I don't want to talk about other women." There, that was true.

"Are you...sleeping with anyone else, right now?" she asked tentatively. I smiled to myself.

"Why do you want to know?"

Izzy huffed. "You know all about my fucking sex life! I have no privacy at all since I met you, Edward."

"Are you...jealous, Izzy?" I teased.

"Edward, stop it! Just forget I asked." She looked up into my eyes, glowering.

I put a finger under her chin to stop her from lowering her head. "Izzy, I'm sorry. No, I'm not sleeping with anyone else. Only you. I'm a one woman kind of guy." I placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

"Edward..." her eyes clouded over with an emotion that looked a lot like guilt.

"Izzy, don't. I told you before that I don't expect anything from you. I may not approve of your choices, but I'm not going to try to force you into anything." She didn't say anything, just snuggled her face into my neck.

Inside, I longed to make her completely mine. I never wanted another man's hands to touch her ever again, but I knew she wasn't there yet, and it was important to me that it was entirely her choice—that she didn't feel coerced.

Her breathing evened out as she fell asleep in my arms, and my thoughts turned to the conversation I'd had with her dom the other night. Izzy would be absolutely livid if she knew...

_I was sitting in the lobby of the hotel in Port Angeles, monitoring Izzy's session with Jack—more like trying to control my urge to kick the door down and throw her over my shoulder like a caveman._

"_On all fours, doll," came Jack's commanding voice. "No touching yourself this time."_

"_Yes, Sir."_

_After a while, I heard him say, "Come for me, doll."_

_Izzy said, "I-I can't."_

_Jack growled. "Bad girl! For speaking out of turn and for failing to come on command, you will receive four lashes. You count them out."_

"_But, I can't -"_

"_Make it eight."_

_I gritted my teeth as I listened to the snaps while he spanked Izzy. Eventually, Jack hissed. "Izzy! You have to remember your safe words! This isn't safe for you or for me if we can't both count on the rules." Izzy started to cry, and then his voice softened a little. "What's going on? Is there something you need to tell me?"_

"_I can't come while having sex, Jack—not unless I'm touching myself," she whispered._

"_Those are the kinds of things you need to disclose to your dom, Izzy. Let me rub some cream on your tender ass. We're done for today. If you want to continue with me, you need to be more forthcoming."_

"_I'm sorry, Jack. It won't happen again."_

_After she left, I kicked the door open to find a not-so-surprised Jack._

"_I've been expecting you. Boyscout, right?" He smirked._

"_You've been expecting me?" I raised my eyebrows._

"_Yeah...ever since the night I met Izzy. I saw you in the bar and again here at the hotel. Izzy assured me that you wouldn't be a problem, but I knew that she was full of shit."_

"_Why did you take her on then?"_

"_Because I was afraid that someone else would—someone a lot more dangerous than me. Izzy also has a potentially serious substance problem, which I'm sure you're aware of...boyscout."_

"_She told you she calls me that?" I asked incredulously._

"_She didn't have to."_

"_What does that mean?"_

"_You're in love with her," Jack stated, quirking an eyebrow. I stared him down without answering. We were close in height, and he was very handsome by anyone's standards. So far, everything he'd said to me was true, but his thoughts were played very close to the vest—he didn't have a rambling mind._

"_I came here to warn you, Jack. If you harm Izzy in any way, I'll tear you apart." I bared my teeth slightly—just enough for him to wonder, but not enough to fully comprehend that I was something 'other.'_

_Jack smiled. "I'm counting on it, boyscout. That's why I haven't told her that you've been following her around like a stalker. The other guy really creeps me out though."_

"_What other guy?" I asked, but I could already see James' face in his mind, and I had to curb a growl._

"_He's obviously a slime. The weekend she spent with me in Port Angeles—he was hanging around, and when I got suspicious and tried to talk to him, he disappeared. I never said anything to Izzy because I wasn't sure it was her he was after, and she's got enough going on that I felt it was unwise to add to the load."_

"_Thank you for telling me. Listen, Jack, you seem like an alright guy for..." I hesitated._

"_A dom?" He grinned._

"_Yes. I'll give you my number—can you call me if Izzy is ever in trouble or you see that guy again?"_

"_Sure thing. I'll give you mine as well."_

_We exchanged numbers, and I turned to leave._

"_Hey!" Jack called out. "She's in love with you, too, you know."_

"_I don't think so." I shook my head._

"_Oh, I know so. She can't come while having sex...but I bet she comes when she's with you. Izzy doesn't even know it—God knows she'd never admit it—but I can see it. She chose your nickname as her safe word—that doesn't tell you anything?" Jack clapped me on the shoulder. "Good luck, man. Don't give up on her."_

"_I don't intend to."_

It was painfully obvious that we needed to stop James. He was following Izzy, he knew she had a dom—that meant he could have swooped down on her as she was on her way home from Port Angeles while I was sitting in her bedroom waiting for her to return. The fact that he didn't told me that he had bigger plans in his twisted mind. But no matter—my goal was to kill him as soon as possible and ask questions later.

Izzy shifted in my arms, snuggling closer to me. I could hear sounds downstairs as some of my family came home.

_Edward, when Izzy wakes up we need to talk._ It was Alice. I saw Izzy's bedroom again through her mind—wallpapered with that Godawful crime scene photo—as they tracked James' scent through the house to see where he'd entered. They had spent some time tracking him through the woods but were unable to find out where he was hiding out.

Next to the bed, Izzy's phone vibrated. I shifted our bodies so I could sit on the edge of the bed. The display said _'Unknown Caller'_ so I hit 'talk' but didn't say anything. After a few seconds, his twisted voice came over the line.

"Izzzzzzyyyyyy..." He snickered softly. "Did you like my presents? Are you ready for me?"

I drew in a breath, and then I said, "No, the question is, are _you_ ready for me?"

"Who is this?"

"I'm your worst nightmare," I growled.

"Oh, how cute. Does Izzy have a boyfriend that wants to protect her honor? Trust me, she has none—the slut will fuck anyone."

"Stay away from her."

"Hmm, let me think about it—no. Izzy is mine—she has my mark on her."

"Not by choice and not anymore."

"What's that supposed to mean?" For the first time James didn't sound as smug.

"Just stay away from her. She doesn't belong to you and she never will. If you try to hurt her, I _will_ kill you."

"Ah, so you must be the one I smelled all over her room...and all over her bed. Little whore's got you snowed, huh?"

"Don't talk about her like that. Stay away or die." My lips were peeled back from my teeth, and I let out a feral growl. I hung up the phone, nearly crushing it in my palm, then I sighed, placing it back on the nightstand. I turned my head to find Izzy staring at me intently.

**~*0*~**

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed the chance to get into Edward's head to see where he's coming from in the story. I may offer his POV again, but most of the story will likely be from Izzy's POV.**

**Izzy's chapter is nearly finished and will be posted in a few days once it's been beta'd.**

**Reviewers get TEASED!**


	4. Chapter 4 We Drift Deeper

**A/N: **_**"I Want It Painted Black"**_** won Voter's Pick in the Darkella Darkest Temptations contest! Thank you SO much to all of you who got out there and voted! Thank you all even more for all the awesome support and encouragement you offered throughout the contest while this story was on hiatus. I may not be the most popular author on fanfic, but I have some of the most incredible readers ever, and I consider myself extremely blessed.**

**Alerts were not functioning properly the other day, (what else is new) so be sure you've read the previous chapter, which was all from Edward's POV, before starting on this one.**

**Yummy Edward licks to my two pre-readers, Keye and Sandy, for their invaluable input, support and friendship.**

**Huge thanks to my awesome beta, Jess (jkane180), for her super-fast skills.**

**Disclaimer:** I own Darren, Matt, Ricky and Jack. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all its characters—I like to play with them, and use them to get under your skin. Are we there yet?

**Chapter 4**

**~We Drift Deeper~**

**~*0*~**

**PLAYLIST for this chapter:**

**Fear ~ **_**Sarah McLachlan**_

**As the Rush Comes (Gabriel & Dresden Chill Mix) ~ **_**Motorcycle**_

**~*0*~**

_**FEAR ~ Sarah McLachlan**_

_**Wind In time  
Rapes the flower trembling on the vine  
Nothing yields to shelter it  
From above  
They say temptation will destroy our love  
The never ending hunger**_

_**But I fear  
I have nothing to give  
I have so much to lose  
Here in this lonely place  
Tangled up in our embrace  
There's nothing I'd like  
Better than to fall  
But I fear  
I have nothing to give  
I have so much to lose  
I have nothing to give  
We have so much to lose... **_

**~*0*~**

**~*Izzy*~**

_Buzz. Buzz. Buzz._

I was attuned to the sound of my phone vibrating even in sleep—probably part of my deeply ingrained need to be my own protector. My body was pressed against Edward's, and he gently shifted so he could sit on the side of the bed. My considerate vampire lover.

He picked up my phone but didn't say anything at first. A few seconds later, he drew in a breath and spoke, "No, the question is, are _you_ ready for me?" His voice was pure ice, and if I didn't know how loving and tender Edward could be, I would have been shaking. I couldn't tell who was on the other end of the phone, but I surmised that it was James calling to see if I appreciated his handiwork. I listened to Edward's side of the conversation with growing interest.

"_I'm your worst nightmare." _James must have asked who was on the phone.

"_Stay away from her." _I quivered inside at the thought of James coming for me. I knew I had to allow Edward and his family to protect me, but I also had a new idea of how I could hurt James if he _did_ get his hands on me.

"_Not by choice and not anymore." _I had no idea what Edward meant by that, but by the smug sound in his voice, I knew James wasn't going to like it.

"_Just stay away from her. She doesn't belong to you, and she never will. If you try to hurt her, I __**will **__kill you." _Even though I didn't want Edward anywhere near James, it felt good to hear someone defend me—something that had never really happened my whole life except for Charlie—that is, until he went and died on me. And so-help-me-God, it was so _hot_ listening to Edward growling as fiercely as a lion.

"_Don't talk about her like that. Stay away or die." _Edward slammed the phone shut, and I could tell he barely restrained himself from shattering it to pieces. He turned his head slowly and met my eyes with a start—he'd been so involved in his conversation with James that he hadn't even noticed I was awake and aware.

"Izzy. How long have you been..." His words drifted off.

"Listening to you threaten James you mean? Since the phone started vibrating." I leaned back on my elbow and stared him down. "What the fuck, Edward?"

His eyes were almost black, and he stared right back at me without apology. "I won't apologize for answering your phone, or for telling James what's going to happen to him when he crosses my path, Izzy." He turned his back to me, leaning his elbows onto his knees, the muscles in his bare back rippling. I sat up, moving closer to him and put my hand on his back. He stiffened.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

"I'm very angry right now, so it's not a good idea to get too close to me."

"Did I...do something?" I asked tentatively.

"No—God, no. My instincts are very close to the surface right now, and they aren't pretty, Izzy. I just need a moment to calm myself—I would never want to take a chance of hurting you."

Always, _always_, Edward put me first. How much was he supposed to go through for me when I had nothing to give him in return except for more pain? Guilt sliced through me, and my eyes filled with tears. Great, now I was going to act like a fucking pansy in front of Edward.

Edward smelled my tears, just like I knew he would, and he turned his head in my direction. "Izzy? Are you all right?" Concern filled his eyes, and they quickly returned to their golden hue. Edward reached out and caressed my cheek with the pad of his thumb. I nodded mutely, not trusting myself to speak at that moment. He crawled back onto the bed and leaned over me, his lips just a hair's breadth from mine. "Izzy, talk to me."

"I'm fine, Edward; just a little freaked out." I did what I was best at—lied through my teeth and deflected my inadequacies. My inner banshee decided to put in her ten cents. _There you go again, you fucking candy-ass! You lap up all that he gives like a kitten with a dish of cream. You're pathetic! _I cringed inwardly and decided a change of subject was in order. "What did James say?"

Edward moved back to sit on the bed. "He was calling to make sure you got his messages, Izzy. He wanted to taunt you. He said some rude things that set me off and—well, you heard my end of the conversation. I'm sorry for answering your phone...if I overstepped my boundaries."

"No, it's okay, Edward. Um, I actually found it kind of hot hearing you defend me like that." I smirked at him.

Edward turned his head to look at me, a lopsided grin on his face. "You would."

Any further conversation was interrupted by a knock on his bedroom door. His head lifted, and he seemed to be listening for a moment. "We'll be right down, Alice." Turning to me, he said, "We need to meet with my family downstairs."

Butterflies erupted in my stomach at the thought of facing _them_ again.

**~0~**

As we walked down the stairs together, Edward held my hand. "It's okay, Izzy; they won't bite you."

"Funny, boyscout. You just keep Jasper off my ass, okay? He freaks me the hell out." I shivered.

Edward stopped walking and turned to face me. "I meant to ask you about that—what did he do that was so terrible?"

"It's hard to explain...but I felt like I was being flushed down a drain...completely losing myself. I didn't know what else to do, so I closed my eyes and yelled at him."

"Hmm...so maybe your power comes out during periods of extreme duress or self-preservation. Maybe Carlisle will have an idea. Come on; I promise not to let Jasper upset you again."

I gripped his hand tighter, and we continued our descent through the living room and into the dining room where his family was already seated around the huge oak table. It was a formidable gathering, and I felt myself pulling back so I was behind Edward. He turned to me with a reassuring smile. "It's okay, Izzy. I'll be right here with you."

I felt severely outnumbered and outmaneuvered—they were all gifted in some way—perhaps they already knew something about me that I wasn't aware of. My eyes roved around the table, the faces all familiar save for the handsome blonde with the movie star looks at the head of the table and the caramel-haired beauty by his side. When my eyes lit on Jasper, I couldn't control the urge to pull back and turn my eyes away.

"Izzy, I won't hurt you," Jasper said softly.

"Yeah, famous last words," I muttered darkly, still refusing to look him in the eye as I pressed my face into the back of Edward's shoulder.

"I wasn't trying to hurt you the first time, either. Edward cares about you, and that means that we're _all_ on your side. Even Rosalie." Jasper's voice filled with amusement, and I heard a snort from Rosalie's direction. She muttered under her breath too low for me to hear.

The blond movie star at the head of the table stood up and spoke. "Welcome, Izzy. I'm Carlisle Cullen, and this is my lovely wife, Esme."

"Nice to meet you. Vampires get married?" I blurted out.

Carlisle looked amused. "Some of the civilized ones do, yes. Please, Izzy, come and join us. We really won't bite."

Edward led me over to the two open seats next to Alice, his fingers still threaded through mine comfortingly. I felt like such an asshole being afraid of the Cullens—I'd dealt with deviants like James for heaven's sake—I was turning soft. I felt a blanket of relaxation trying to surround me, and I shot a look at Jasper. "What are you doing to me?"

"Just trying to relax you a little bit, Darlin'. You really need it—the tension coming off you could tie the Dalai Lama in knots." Jasper grinned, and I tried to smile back. The feeling around me wasn't bad like that first time, but I didn't like being manipulated—knowing this wasn't the way I was feeling naturally.

Edward pulled his chair close to my own so our bodies could remain in close contact, and this made me feel much better. I gripped his fingers tightly in my own as Carlisle addressed us.

"We have a few things to discuss, Izzy, but why don't we start with what you did to Jasper yesterday?"

I blanched. "I didn't do it on purpose, I -"

Carlisle held up a hand. "Izzy, nobody is accusing you of anything. From how it was explained to me, you had no control over what happened and appeared to be just as surprised as the rest of us. What I'd like to know is if you've ever exhibited this power before—even if it was on a smaller scale?"

"No, never. I don't even know how I did it, to be honest. The feeling that came over me caused me to feel like I was being flushed down a drain, and I just wanted him to stop. I remember closing my eyes and screaming at him. The next thing I knew, I was released from the feeling, and Jasper was on his ass." I couldn't help the smirk that tugged at my lips, and my eyes slid over to Jasper apologetically.

Jasper wasn't disturbed in the least, and he even smiled back. "It's okay, Izzy. It was kind of funny to be knocked over by a little slip of a girl such as yourself."

Carlisle smiled. "Well, I've never personally heard of a power like this in a human. It might not be as uncommon as we think—it just might not be well documented. I daresay if you were a vampire -"

Edward shook his head. "Carlisle."

I trained my eyes on Edward. "What's your deal? That's the second time you've stopped someone in your family from talking about this. I want to hear it."

Edward's jaw was set. "I don't think it's appropriate at this time."

"How about you let me decide what's appropriate for me? I'd like to hear what you were about to say, Carlisle."

Carlisle looked to Edward. "Edward?" Edward nodded his head with a sigh, his face tight. "What I was about to say is that if you were a vampire, your gifts would be magnified. Whatever gifts we have in our human lives are amplified and modified by our vampire nature. For instance, Edward was extremely intuitive at reading people as a human, and that translated to mind-reading capabilities as a vampire."

"I see. Edward, that isn't horrific knowledge—why didn't you want me to know about it?" I was confused by what seemed to be fairly innocuous information.

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose. "Because, Izzy, when someone is transformed into a vampire, it isn't just our bodies that are set in stone. Whatever issues we come to the table with are frozen in time forever. It's extremely difficult for a vampire to change—we rarely do, in fact."

"Oh, so you thought if I knew about this...power I could have, that I might want to become a vampire? You're afraid that I would be frozen in time...like this." I pointed to myself. "All damaged the way I am? All fucked up?" My voice started to rise.

"I'm concerned for you, Izzy. Please don't be angry."

"But do you think so little of me to believe that I wouldn't investigate? Do you think I would make a snap decision without considering the consequences?"

Rosalie snorted. "You seem to be doing a bang-up job with your _human_ life so far," she muttered.

"Hey, fuck you! I don't need your shit." I glared at Rosalie. There was a gasp from the end of the table, and I glanced up to see Esme with her hand over her mouth—clearly shocked at my language. "I'm sorry, Esme. I'll try to control my language while I'm in your home."

Esme smiled weakly. "It's okay, dear."

Edward tried to draw me closer to him, but I pulled away. "Don't, Edward."

"Izzy, I don't know enough about you to know how impulsive you are yet. What I do know about is the behavior that I've observed since we met, and I'm sorry, but you're an emotional mess. If you were turned into a vampire under such circumstances...it would be an eternity of suffering for you."

"Do you think that's what James is after? You think he wants to turn me, don't you?" I asked with growing horror.

"It's a possibility we have to consider. Alice?"

"Well, James appears to be extremely unstable. He doesn't really know what he wants, and he keeps changing his mind—which is why I've been unable to see what he's up to. James is obviously obsessed about toying with you right now, Izzy. That display in your room—God!" Alice shook her dark head.

Emmett spoke up for the first time. "Yeah, man, he's a sick fuck! Oops, sorry, Esme. He's also good at covering his tracks 'cause we lost him a few miles from your house. He was smart enough to enter through the attic, too, so his scent wasn't immediately obvious."

Edward growled low in his throat. "I just got done speaking to him on Izzy's phone." He relayed the conversation to the rest of his family.

Rosalie hissed. "There you go again, Einstein! What is it about this tart that has you so whipped? If you need sex that bad, Tanya is always ready and willing."

_Tanya? Who the fuck is Tanya?_

"Shut it, Rosalie. Tanya has nothing to do with any of this. I've committed to protecting Izzy, and the rest of the family has agreed. _You_ are the only sour lemon in the bunch, as per usual."

"Who's Tanya?" I had to ask; I couldn't help myself.

"Edward's _vampire _ex_-_girlfriend, who happens to be in love with him and would give her right arm to have him by her side for eternity," Rosalie answered with obvious joy. I felt an unfamiliar stab of jealousy twist inside me.

Emmett frowned at her. "Come on, Rosie. Play nice."

Edward stood up and snarled, leaning his body toward Rosalie across the table. She stood and hissed back, her eyes glittering.

"Enough!" Carlisle spoke in a firm, commanding voice. "Sit down; both of you. Tanya has no place in this conversation, Rose. Our family is supporting Edward's desire to help Izzy. Get over it and start acting like an adult."

Rose's mouth opened and closed. "But, Carlisle -"

He held up his hand. "If you can't support your brother and the rest of this family with what we've decided, then you need to remove yourself from the room."

"Yes, sir." Rose looked chastised, flopping back into her chair with a huff.

"Alright, then. It's important that we protect Izzy from this sick individual. Edward has called him out and challenged him—not necessarily what _I_ would have recommended—but what's done is done. Let's move forward. At least one of us should be with Izzy at all times until James is caught and...dealt with. Izzy, I'm sorry if that's uncomfortable for you."

"My main concern is Edward. I didn't know he was challenging James, and I'm sorry that I've dragged all of you into this. I'm a loner; I'm not used to having anyone take care of me. Maybe you should just let him have me—maybe then he'll agree not to come after Edward," I said quietly.

Edward growled next to me. "No!" He slammed his fist on the table.

Esme spoke up. "Take it easy, Edward. Izzy, honey, we're here for you. If Edward thinks you're worth protecting, then that's good enough for us. After all, you're Edward's -"

"Esme." Edward cut her off with a shake of his head. Edward turned to me, taking my hand. "Izzy, I know you're used to only counting on yourself—that you've been let down so many times—but that's all over now. I promise you that I'll be here for you—that my family will be here for you."

"This is all too much for me, Edward. I can only promise to try. I like being on my own, and I like doing whatever I want whenever I want." I didn't want to seem ungrateful, but the thought of having a vampire—and not just any vampire, but a member of Edward's family—listening to everything I did every moment of the day and night was not appealing.

"Just try; that's all I can ask." Edward kept his fingers entwined with mine. "Carlisle, what about this power she exhibited? Can you find anything out about it?"

"Unfortunately, not easily. I'll make some discreet inquiries, but if it got back to the Volturi that there's a gifted human among us..." Carlisle's face was solemn.

"Oh. That wouldn't be good."

"What's the Volturi?" I asked.

"They're like vampire royalty. They make the laws and enforce them. Humans aren't supposed to know of our existence, and if they found out about you, they would want you eliminated. Maybe Edward, too, for allowing himself to be exposed."

"What? But I knew what Edward was because of James! I approached _him_ with my knowledge."

"The Volturi don't care. Technically, Edward should have killed you when you made him aware you knew what he was."

"Shit. This just keeps getting worse and worse." I started to get up, but Edward put a hand on my arm.

"Izzy, the Volturi rarely leave Italy unless they get reports of unusual activity. It's highly unlikely they'll find out about you." Then he turned to Carlisle. "I think Izzy's had enough for today. Are we finished?"

"Yes, son. Izzy, if you need anything at all, please let us know."

"Thank you. All of you."

"Alice, is it safe for me to bring Izzy home?"

Alice sat still for a moment, her eyes glazing over. "Yes. You stay with her inside, and one of us can patrol outside."

After a bit of discussion, it was decided that Emmett would patrol outside during the night.

**~*0*~**

_**AS THE RUSH COMES ~ Motorcycle**_

_**We drift deeper into the sound**_

_** life goes on**_

_**We drift deeper into the sound**_

_**feeling strong  
So bring it on  
So bring it on**_

_**Embrace me, surround me  
As the rush comes  
Embrace me, surround me  
As the rush comes **_

**~*0*~**

When we got back to my house, I was nervous about going into my room. Edward sensed my hesitation as we reached the doorway. "It's okay; Alice made sure there are no signs of James left."

Flicking the light on, I strode into the room quickly, trying to prove that I wasn't the fucking pansy that my inner banshee was accusing me of being. The room looked...normal, and I let out an inner sigh of relief. My first stop was the cigar box in my dresser.

"Izzy..."

"Don't you 'Izzy' me, boyscout. I'm about to roll a joint—would you like one?"

Edward laughed. "Weed has no affect on me, Izzy."

"For real? What about cocaine or alcohol?"

"No affect. My body only metabolizes blood."

I sat on the floor with my back against the bed and rolled a joint. Edward sat down next to me, and I know he wanted to protest, but he didn't. I lit it, taking a long hit, and held it for a while before exhaling slowly. "Oh, yeah. That's what I'm talkin' about." My tense body started to relax. "Here, boyscout, take a drag."

"No, thanks."

I put it up to his lips anyway. "C'mon, Edward. Just pretend you're cool for tonight."

There was a sudden scrabbling sound as Emmett came bounding through the window. "Hey, Izzy! I'll take a toke!"

"Emmett, for heaven's sake. You know it won't have any affect," Edward chided.

Emmett shrugged. "So, fucking what? Gimme it, Iz."

I smiled, handing the joint over to Emmett. He was cute—like a big teddy bear. He held it between his thumb and index finger and took a deep drag, then blew it out. "Man, this stuff tastes like shit!" He let out a booming laugh, and I couldn't help but laugh with him.

Edward rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Fine, let me try it." I raised my eyebrows but didn't comment as I handed it over. Edward took a drag, his face pinched. "Ugh! This _does_ taste horrible!"

"Wanna snort some coke, Em?" I waggled my vile of white powder in the air, and it was snatched away immediately—but not by Emmett. "What the fuck, Edward?"

"That's where I draw the line. You will not take this shit when you're with me."

"Edward, I wasn't planning on taking any right now, but if I _wanted_ to, it really isn't any of your fucking concern. News Flash—you don't get to tell me what to do. Give it back, or you can get the fuck out of my house and out of my life." I put my hand out, palm up. Edward looked at me for a moment, the golden depths of his eyes pained, and I could see that he was heavily debating his options. Finally, he put the vial in the center of my palm, and I closed my fingers around it. When I looked up, Emmett was gone—sometime during our exchange he'd slipped out of the room.

Edward touched my cheek gently with the tips of his fingers, and I turned my face to his. "Izzy, I'm sorry. I know I don't have the right to tell you what to do. I just care so much about you, and I hate to see you abusing your body with these substances."

"I know you mean well, boyscout, but please back off, okay?"

Edward looked down at me, his golden eyes smoldering. "Izzy..." he whispered, bringing his soft lips to mine, but I pulled back.

"Hold up, Romeo." I put out the joint for later consumption and turned my full attention to Edward. "Who's Tanya, again?"

Edward sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Izzy, come on."

"You do that thing when you're upset or frustrated, don't you?"

"What?"

"Pinch the bridge of your nose like that. And, Edward? There's no fucking way that you're getting off without talking about Tanya because you know every God damn thing I do. You're a fucking voyeur. Start talking."

There was a loud guffaw outside in the yard, and Emmett's voice came wafting up through the window. "She nailed your ass to the wall, bro! Ha ha ha! Go, Izzy!"

"Whose side are you on, Emmett?" Edward growled. "Go deeper into the woods and give us some privacy."

"Aw, shit. All right."

Edward turned to me, and I couldn't conceal my amusement. "Oh, you think this is funny, too, Izzy? You and Emmett shouldn't be allowed in each other's company. I'll have to remember that."

"Oh, come on! I like Emmett; he's a lot of fun. I'll promise to try really hard to be good, okay?"

Edward glared at me. "We'll talk about this later. You wanted to know about Tanya. There isn't much to know. Tanya is in love with me, but I'm not interested in her. I tried, once upon a time, to have a relationship with her, but it didn't work out for me. She still tries to approach me every so often, hoping that things have changed, but they won't."

"Boy, that was the boring, Reader's Digest version, huh? Was she good in the sack?" I smiled saucily. Secretly, I hoped the answer was no.

"Izzy...I don't want to discuss Tanya anymore." Edward looked uncomfortable.

"Did something horrible happen? Why do you look so strange?"

"No, not horrible—just awkward. I couldn't...do what she wanted me to. I can't talk about this with you right now, Izzy."

"Okay, I'll back off for now. But sometime I want to know more about her." What was he hiding? I had a nose for deception and subterfuge, and Edward was not being forthcoming with me. There was definitely something about this Tanya that he didn't want me to know.

"Can I kiss you now?" Edward asked, looking down into my eyes, his hand ghosting along my collarbone. _Oh, not fair, boyscout. _But it was too late; my body was responding to his light touches already.

"Yes."

Edward's hand snaked around to the back of my neck, and he pulled me in to him slowly, his lips caressing mine. He placed several soft kisses on my lips before his tongue flicked out to play with my viper bites. "What are these for?" he whispered.

"They're viper bites."

"I know what they are. Why do _you_ have them?" he asked, placing more soft kisses along my jaw.

"You know me so well, don't you? I got them to remind me that I've been bitten by life and to let others know that I bite back. They symbolize my sarcasm and biting sense of humor, and they warn others not to get in my personal space."

Edward kissed down the side of my neck to my collarbone, his tousled hair tickling my face, and I could feel his cool fingers trailing down to my breast while the other hand remained behind my neck, buried in my hair. My nipple stood to attention even before his fingers reached it. He teased at it lightly with one finger, and I pushed my chest forward, trying to gain more friction. He raised his head and brought his mouth back to mine, dragging his lips across mine slowly. He slipped his tongue into my mouth, teasing it against my own sensuously. I dug my fingers into his hair, trying to pull him closer, to kiss him harder, as my heart raced and my panties soaked through.

I moaned, pushing myself up on my knees so I could straddle his lap. As I moved toward him, he guided me with the hand on the back of my neck and dropped his other hand to my hip—my nipple protested the loss of his touch immediately. Edward's hand slid around to my low back as I settled on his lap, and he pulled me in tighter against his body. His dick was straining hard against his skin-tight jeans, and I let out another moan as I settled myself right on it and ground my hips.

"Izzy," he growled against my mouth. In answer, I reached between us and unbuckled his belt. His hand tightened on my back, but he didn't stop me. I unbuttoned his jeans and pulled down his zipper, springing him free.

"Oh, my God. You're going commando? _So hot._" I bit my lip as I gazed down at his beauty.

Edward smirked at me. "So are you."

"What? No, I'm -"

_RIP! _My panties were shredded and removed in seconds, leaving a cool breeze floating up under my skirt.

"Bad boy! I loved those."

"I'll buy you a pair in every color," Edward whispered as his hand explored my bare ass.

"You're so big, Edward. I want you."

Placing both hands on my hips, Edward guided me over his hard length, and I sank down onto him with a hiss. We'd never done it this way, and the feeling of fullness was even more pronounced at this angle. I liked being face to face while he was deep inside me. Grabbing onto his shoulders for stability, I started to lift and rotate my hips. He thrust up each time I came down, and we settled into a rhythm that soon had me on the edge of another orgasm. I was amazed that this man was able to bring me to release every time I was with him, and yet I could never even _hope_ to have one with anyone else.

Edward's dark eyes were filled with smoldering passion as I bounced up and down his length. His eyes never left me; it was as though he wanted to take in every moment. I found it difficult to look away from his eyes, too, and small whimpers escaped my lips as he drove me ever closer to the edge. Edward's breathing grew more ragged, his hips thrusting up against me even harder, and I threw my head back as I cried out his name, my body clenching around him. He put an arm up to support me as I fell back , and a few seconds later, he buried his face in my neck, calling out my name.

Edward stood up with our bodies still connected—not sure how he pulled that one off—and walked us over to the bed, somehow laying us down smoothly on our sides. He stroked his hand through my hair and down my back, feathering kisses across my jaw and over my ear.

"Edward, you're still hard as a rock."

He graced me with one of his crooked smiles. "A side benefit of being a vampire—we can go all night."

"No fucking way!"

"I'm afraid so," he said huskily, rolling us so he was on top. "Want to go again?"

"Hell yes!"

I held on for dear life as Edward pumped his hips into me, drawing yet another mind-blowing orgasm out of my already thrumming body.

**~0~**

In the morning, I rose to consciousness slowly, keeping my eyes closed. I wanted a few moments to think about how much I'd enjoyed Edward last night before reality came caving in on me—such as waking up alone like every other morning. Something cool brushed against my cheek, and my eyes flew open as I let out a shriek.

"Are you okay, Love?" Edward's golden eyes met mine with concern.

_Love?_

"Edward. I wasn't expecting you to be here." My eyes were hooded, and I tried not to give any emotion away. Did he just call me _Love_? I'm pretty sure I heard that right.

"Are you...upset that I'm still here?" Edward looked uncertain.

"Well, no. It's just not your usual MO."

Edward cupped my face in his cool hand, his eyes meeting mine. "I enjoyed being with you last night, and I didn't want to leave you."

"I really enjoyed last night, too." I wiggled my eyebrows, and Edward laughed. "I...like it when you laugh, Edward. I don't hear you do that often enough."

Edward just smiled but didn't respond, his eyes sliding away from mine. So, what was that all about? I was starting to think that Edward had a few skeletons of his own in the closet. I was about to open my mouth to ask when the little pixie popped in through my window.

"Good morning, guys! Edward, you have just enough time to run home and change before school. Jasper and I will get Izzy there safely."

"Well, why don't you just come on in, Alice? Don't mind my nakedness—I'm not shy."

"I know. Nothing I haven't already seen before—gosh, you guys go at it like rabbits!"

"Alice!" Edward exclaimed in exasperation.

"Wait—you _saw_ what we did last night?" I asked her incredulously.

"Well, when the vision started, I distracted myself with other things. I'm not a total perv, you know!"

"I would've watched," I answered simply. Edward made a choking sound, and Alice's mouth fell open. "Guess that's why _I_ wasn't given _your _power, huh?"

After that little revelation, Edward decided to make a hasty departure. He kissed me chastely on the lips. "I'll see you at school."

"See you, boyscout." I swatted him on the ass as he was climbing through my window. What was it with vampires and windows anyway? Were they allergic to doors?

Alice sat in my rocking chair while I found myself some clothes. I put on a black shirt with strips of material that allowed some skin to show through in strategic locations. Normally, I would pair it with a short skirt that was easy to hike up in case of...a woodsy encounter, but I chose a pair of skin-tight black jeans instead. My inner banshee started right in on me. _What's with the tight, skinny jeans? Have you considered why it is you aren't wearing a skirt to school today?_

"Just shut up, bitch," I muttered under my breath.

Of course, Alice heard me. "Who are you talking to, Izzy?"

"Inner voices." I twirled a finger around near my temple.

"I see. So...how's it going with you and Edward?" she asked casually.

"You tell me—you're the psychic," I said flippantly as I bent down to pull on my black leather boots.

"Humph. Well, your emotions swing so wildly from one moment to the next...I really can't see where you guys are headed." Alice crossed her arms and pouted.

"You really hate it when you can't see the future, don't you? Welcome to the muck and mire the rest of us peons have to wade through." I winked at her, lighting up a cigarette. "So...where's Emo Boy?"

"Who?"

"Jasper." I rolled my eyes.

Alice let out a giggle. "Emo Boy? That would make a good t-shirt saying."

"Forget it, Darlin'!" a voice called from below my window. Guess I had my answer. So, Jasper was standing out there listening to our conversation, too.

"Is there _anywhere—_anywhere at all—that I can have privacy now? This is going to drive me insane. Soon, I'll be begging James to kill me." I slapped myself in the forehead.

"Not funny, Izzy." Alice was not amused.

"Lighten up, pixie. I was only being sarcastic. It's just—I'm not used to this shit, and you guys are." An idea occurred to me, and I leaned out the window to look down on Jasper. His handsome honey-blond head lifted when he heard me rest my elbows on the window sill, and his golden eyes met mine with curiosity. "Jasper? Can you mimic _any_ human emotion?"

"I think so, yeah." His eyebrows scrunched a little as he tried to figure out what I was after.

"Does that mean...you could make me feel like I just got high? Can you provide the high without the substance?"

"Maybe. I've never tried that."

"I'm just thinking it might be a way to help me kick some shitty habits. I don't want Edward to know about this, but I've been snorting more coke lately with all the stress I'm under. I-I've gotten some bloody noses, and I don't think that's a good sign."

"No, it doesn't sound like it is. I can try for you. But you know that Edward can read our minds even though he can't read yours, right? I won't tell him, but he might see it anyway."

"I understand. I'm just a little..." I hesitated.

"Fear, Izzy. You're feeling fear for yourself. It's a foreign feeling for you because you've spent so much time despising yourself—but you want to be here now. Maybe because you care about Edward more than you want to admit?" Jasper's eyes were piercing mine, and I felt like I was being held down, unable to look away. I just stared back, unsure of how to answer. "You don't have to answer to me, Izzy. I'm just telling you what I'm picking up from you. It's something you need some time to mull over. Don't worry; I'm not going to discuss it with Edward. This is between the two of you."

"Thanks, Jasper," I whispered, but I knew that he could hear me. He nodded his head and offered me a shy smile.

I turned away from the window to find Alice staring at me thoughtfully. "That could work, Izzy. I like it. Maybe Jasper can help you get over some of your addictions. I don't know much about drugs, but I doubt it's a good sign when you get bloody noses. I can ask Carlisle—he's a doctor."

"No! The more of you that know about it, the more likely Edward will find out." I shook my head vehemently. "We're going to be late for school. We can talk about it later."

Alice looked uncertain but agreed. Edward would know for sure something was up if we weren't on time for school.

**~0~**

The morning at school was fairly uneventful until I got to Spanish, which was my last class before lunch. I preferred to sit as far in the back of my classes as possible, keeping my head down and trying to avoid any undue attention. It wasn't that I didn't have the answers—I could probably run rings around most of the kids in this podunk school—I just didn't like to be in the limelight.

It was early and not many students had arrived in class yet. Tyler sauntered up to me with a gleam in his eye, leaning over and whispering in my ear, "Woods at lunch?"

"Are you in this class now, Ty?" I asked evasively.

"No, just came to make a date." His moist breath was heavy against my ear, and for some reason, it really repelled me.

"You know your _girlfriend_ is in this class, too, right?"

Tyler huffed. "Woods at lunch?"

"Class is going to start; she'll be here any second."

"But -" The warning bell went off, and he turned quickly to leave the room, but it was too late—Lauren and a few of her 'followers' piled through the doorway laughing loudly—until they saw him leaving my desk.

"Tyler? What are _you_ doing here?" Lauren asked rudely.

"Just stopped in to see you, baby." To his credit, Tyler tried to pull it off. He sucked at it.

"Then why are you by _her_ desk?" Lauren put a hand on her hip, her pale, silvery eyes piercing into him. I could barely hide my smirk.

"Just waitin' for you to get here, baby. Just saying hello."

Lauren looked over to the girl at the desk next to me—one who desperately followed Lauren and her group around begging for friendship scraps—and, eager to please 'the queen,' she shook her head almost imperceptibly.

"Liar!" Lauren spat at Tyler.

"C'mon, Lauren..."

"Get out, Ty. I'll deal with you later." Lauren waved a hand dismissively, and he left the room at a run to make it to his next class. Lauren sat down in her seat, which was two rows in front of mine, then turned around to look at the girl next to me. "Hey, Maggie. Want to sit with us at lunch?"

"S-sure!" Maggie stuttered. Poor sap; she had no idea what she was in for.

"You know, Jackie is out sick today...why don't you come sit next to me?" Lauren said sweetly.

Maggie nearly tripped over herself to get over to the seat next to Lauren, and they sat whispering throughout the entire class. When the bell rang, Lauren turned and gave me a smug look. She took her time packing up her stuff, and as I walked by her, she remarked, "Little whore losing her touch? Wonder who she's after now?"

I stopped short, turning toward her slowly and leaning in her face. "Do you have something to say to me, Lauren?"

"No, why would you think I did?" she asked innocently.

"Just making sure. We wouldn't want to have any _misunderstandings_, now would we?" My words were said quietly, but there was an underlying tone of menace in my voice. I turned my eyes to Maggie, who quickly found her feet interesting. "Watch your back, Maggie. Lauren has sharp claws." I turned on my heel and walked out the door.

In the Caf, I sat at my usual table and cracked open a book. Ricky sauntered over and slumped in the chair across from me. "Hey."

"Hi, Ricky. What's wrong?"

"It's Darren. He's in the hospital."

"What happened?"

"Drug overdose. I think he got a hold of some bad stuff. He fell off the wagon after his girl dumped him."

"I'm so sorry, Ricky." I put my hand over his.

"Really? You don't even like Darren."

"Shit, Ricky! That doesn't mean I don't have feelings. I feel terrible that he's in the hospital!" I snapped, feeling hurt.

"Sorry, Izzy B. I'll tell him you were asking for him." Ricky snickered.

"Yes, do that. He might not be my favorite person, but you care about him, so I do, too."

"You're sweet. So...what's up with you and Edward? 'Cause isn't that Lauren hanging all over him?"

I turned my head sharply to see Lauren pressing Edward up against the wall by the Caf exit. She had her hand on his chest and was up on tiptoe whispering something in his ear. Edward's face was impassive, but knowing him as well as I did, I could tell he was uncomfortable.

"That little fuck! I'll take care of this." I made to get up, but Ricky grabbed my hand.

"Izzy, think before you act. I have a feeling that Lauren is purposely trying to get a rise out of you. Don't think she hasn't noticed your interest in Cullen, or the fact that his eyes follow you wherever you go. Don't rise to the bait."

I gritted my teeth but stayed in my seat, knowing Ricky was right as I forced myself to turn back around to face him. "Let me know what's going on, since you have a clear view."

Ricky smirked at me. "Lauren is turning it full on—as much as she's got."

I hissed, clenching my fists, fighting to stay in my seat.

"Not to worry; Edward just grabbed her by the arms and set her aside. He leaned in and said something in her ear, and now he's headed this way. Lauren looks like she's about to cry." He guffawed.

A few moments later, Edward's smooth as silk voice came from behind me. "Hello, Ricky." He put his hands on my shoulders, leaning down next to my ear. "Izzy," he whispered, his cool breath ghosting over my ear, and my panties grew wet immediately.

I reached my hand up to caress his. "Edward."

"Hey, Edward," Ricky greeted with a conspiratorial smile. "Way to piss off Lauren."

Edward pulled out the chair next to me and sat down close enough that our legs were touching. "Well, Ricky, Lauren was out of line—I simply informed her of that fact, and she didn't seem to like it." He shrugged his shoulders.

"What did she want?" I asked tightly.

"Me." I looked over at Edward sharply. "But I told her that my heart was already spoken for." He put his hand on my thigh under the table.

"You did, huh? Bet she didn't take kindly to that." I smiled nervously.

"No, she didn't. She made some off-color remarks, and when I'd heard enough, I removed her from my personal space."

"What did that little bitch say?" I snarled.

"It doesn't matter—small minds and all that. I, uh, saw Tyler headed out to the woods a few minutes ago. He kept looking your way before he left."

"Yeah, so?" I snapped.

Ricky looked back and forth between us. "You know what? I'll catch you guys later. I'm gonna go call the hospital and check on Darren again." He was up and out of his seat before I could protest.

"See you, Ricky. Call me later and let me know how Darren is," I called out as he left.

I looked down at the table, avoiding Edward's gaze, which I could feel burning a hole in the side of my face. The silence grew uncomfortable, but still Edward didn't speak. "Edward, for fuck's sake!" I blurted out.

Slowly, he pushed my hair back off my shoulder, placing his lips against my ear. "What's the matter?" His cool breath sent pleasant shivers through me. His next words cut me to the bone. "Am I keeping you from Tyler?"

Tears sprung to my eyes out of nowhere, and I blinked them away. "No, Edward." My words came out in a whisper.

"Oh? I got the distinct impression he thought you were going to meet him."

"No." I shook my head. "He asked me to meet him earlier, but I never said I would." My voice came out in a whisper. My inner banshee started right in with her comments. _You're fucking pathetic. You're not only passing up on a perfectly good afternoon fuck, but you're sitting here acting like you owe the vampire explanations!_

Edward remained silent, stroking his fingers along my thigh. I was both turned on and embarrassed at the same time, and it was a very uncomfortable feeling. I decided to deflect the attention off of me. "So, what happened with Lauren?"

Edward's other hand ghosted over my shoulder and up under my hair, where he stroked his cool fingers along the back of my neck. His lips were still close enough to my ear that I could feel his cool breath as he spoke, and my body was thrumming. "She propositioned me. When I turned her down politely, she made some remarks to the affect that I needed to get my head screwed on straight because I shouldn't waste my time on you. She called you a few choice names, and then I removed her from the area."

"What did you whisper in her ear?"

"Oh, that. Well, I told her she couldn't hold a candle to you, and that I would never be interested in someone as mean-spirited and shallow as her."

"You really said that?" I smiled to myself. Even my inner banshee approved.

"I did." He placed a soft kiss against my ear. "I meant every word. Lauren could never hold a candle to you, Izzy. She has a vile mind, and she's mean to people just for kicks."

"Edward, please." I squirmed in my seat. He had me so turned on right now, and he hadn't even done anything.

"Something wrong?" His tone was too innocent.

"Behave, boyscout."

"Lauren is glaring daggers at us right now."

"Lauren's looking at us?"

"She sure is." I turned to face Edward for the first time since he'd sat down at the table. He was so close we almost bumped noses, and I drew in a breath. His golden eyes smoldered. "Want to give her a show, or are you averse to being public with me?" he whispered.

I put my hand up to caress the side of his face, my mouth twitching up at the corners. "I'm not averse, Edward."

Edward nudged his nose against mine, brushing his lips across mine slowly, his cool breath fanning my face. Using the hand on the back of my neck, he tilted my head up, pulling me in closer to gain better access. His kisses were unhurried and delicate, and I ached for more. My heart sped up, and my breathing grew ragged. How did he do that with simple, feather-light kisses? My inner banshee was on Edward's side this time. _Shit, girl! Just shut up and enjoy this! He's pissing off Lauren and making our girly parts tingle at the same time. Don't over-think it. _Edward continued kissing me gently, and I forgot that we were in a room filled with other people who were probably watching us with great interest. He slipped his tongue into my mouth, and I opened up willingly as he stroked it against mine at an excruciatingly slow pace. I burned; I was on fire, and I had no idea where I was anymore. His other hand came up to cup my face as the kiss continued to deepen and turn my insides to jelly.

We were interrupted by Lauren's snarky voice. "Does Edward know what a whore you are, Isa_bella_?"

My reflexes were slow because I was still enraptured and disoriented by the spell that Edward had over me. He broke the kiss, whispering in my ear, "Don't listen to her." Then he looked up at Lauren and said rather loudly, "Lauren, does your _boyfriend_ know you just threw yourself at me? How about the way I turned you down because I wasn't interested in anyone as shallow as you are? So, why exactly are you interrupting us again?" He pulled me in closer, showing what she'd said had no affect on his opinion of me.

All of the surrounding tables grew silent, staring at the spectacle. Lauren's mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. I looked up at her with undisguised amusement, leaning further into Edward's comforting embrace. After a cavernous silence, quiet snickers and giggles filled the room as students pointed at Lauren, who stood there in shock. She'd obviously never been on the business end of ridicule since she was usually the one doling it out. Tears filled her eyes, and she turned to run from the room, banging directly into Tyler who stood by the doors with his mouth open and his eyes full of betrayal. He had balls acting like the betrayed boyfriend—but whatever—it was the icing on the cake.

A smattering of applause erupted from the nearby tables as all Lauren's victims enjoyed watching her be thoroughly embarrassed by Edward. Conversation returned to the normal volume soon after. I looked up at Edward to find him watching me. "What?"

"You really enjoyed that didn't you, Izzy?"

"Well...yeah! Lauren's a fucking bitch. She rules this school and makes so many of these girls feel inadequate. I hate to see how they follow her around like puppy dogs begging for scraps. It's pathetic."

"I don't think anyone in this room will ever see Lauren in quite the same light again." Edward smirked.

"Thank you," I said softly, kissing him on the cheek.

"It's the least I could do for the school's populace."

I grabbed his face and waited for his golden eyes to meet mine. "No, I meant for standing up for me. Nobody ever defends me. I'm usually the one being raked over the coals."

"There are more people around that care about you than you realize, Izzy. You just have to be open to receiving."

I was about to ask him who else he was talking about when the bell rang. Edward stood up and held his hand out to me. I took it in mine and allowed him to lead the way to biology class. Even my inner banshee had nothing to say.

**~0~**

After biology, I had Gym, and Edward's class was on the other side of the campus, so we parted ways outside the room. Edward leaned down and kissed my lips slowly, and I didn't pull away. I felt strange, but I wasn't ready to explore the emotions swirling around inside me just yet. "I'll see you soon, Izzy," he said softly and walked off down the hall. I watched him for a moment, enjoying the view of his ass in the tight black jeans he was wearing.

To get to the gym, I had to leave the building I was in and walk outside. I took my time because I wasn't looking forward to seeing Lauren and her groupies. I had no idea what to expect—not that I wasn't up for anything she could throw at me. My thoughts were going around and around the different scenarios when Tyler stepped out from between two buildings as I passed.

"Yo, Izzy! So, that's how it is now?" His voice was angry.

I turned to face him. "Ty, you have a girlfriend, remember? You have no claims on me or anything I do."

"You think you can just make an asshole out of me like that? You can just fuck me when you want to and then change our arrangement?" He pressed in close, backing me up against the wall.

"Our _arrangement_? Are you fucked in the head? We don't have an arrangement. I do what I want, when I want, with who I want. Obviously, I'm not interested in you anymore."

"Oh, really? You're a fucking whore, Izzy. You'll screw anything that walks. I've got something for you right here." Tyler grabbed his crotch, pressing his body up against mine suggestively.

"Quit it, Tyler! We had a few good times, but now it's over," I said derisively.

"Nobody likes a cock-tease, Izzy. Let's go out to the woods for one last hurrah at least. What do you say?" His moist breath was heavy on my face, and I was disgusted.

"I don't think so, fuckwit." I pushed against his chest, but he barely moved back. Tyler was huge and muscled—probably due to his extensive training for the football team. He looked down at me with barely concealed amusement, and I noticed that there were no more students around us. Then the final bell rang, and we were alone.

"You want to reconsider, baby?"

"Actually, yes. I thought I could be polite with you, but I was obviously wrong." I hauled back and kicked him as hard as I could in the knee with my steel-toed boot.

Tyler screamed out in agony. "You fucking bitch! Don't come crawling to me when Cullen dumps your ass. You better watch your back, bitch." He made to lunge for me.

Suddenly, Tyler was on the ground, and Edward was standing over him. "Don't threaten her, Tyler. If I even hear that you look at her crossways, I'll end your football career." Edward leaned down, grabbing Tyler's throwing arm and twisted, eliciting a loud screech from him. "Are we clear?"

"Yeah, man! Let go of me!"

Edward stood up, leaving Tyler on the ground to rub his shoulder, and took my hand, leading me away.

"Edward! What are you doing here? Your class is on the other side of the building."

"Alice."

"I had that, you know." I said as we walked toward the gym hand in hand.

"I know."

"So, why..."

"Izzy, let me be there for you sometimes, okay?"

"Oh, so it's a male ego thing." I smiled.

"You could say that." Edward gave me one of his crooked grins, and my heart started to speed up. As we reached the doors to the gym, I stiffened. "Izzy, don't worry. Lauren went home already. She was too embarrassed to face everyone—and most people are now thinking of you in a much more positive light than before. It'll be fine. I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay." I went up on tip-toe and kissed Edward. "Thanks, boyscout—for everything."

"You're welcome, Izzy," he said softly, and the tone of his voice held so much more than the words he was saying.

When I got into the locker room, the girls were almost done changing into their uniforms. All the chatter stopped as I entered the room, and several pairs of eyes turned my way. After a moment of awkward silence, there was several choruses of "Hey, Izzy," and tentative smiles.

"Girls," I acknowledged, heading over to my locker.

Maybe Edward Cullen was turning out to be a good luck charm for me, after all.

**~0~**

After school, I walked out to the parking lot to wait for my vampire escort to arrive, which was Alice today. I lit a cigarette, blowing a puff of smoke up into the misty air. Glancing to my left, I saw Angela Weber leaning against the stone wall further down. She offered up a shy smile but didn't speak to me. I nodded back to her.

I could hear the sound of a motorcycle in the distance, and as it drew closer, I could see a lone figure clad in black leather from head to toe. There was something so sexy about a guy on a bike. The motorcycle slowed, pulling into the parking lot of the school, and stopped at the curb in between where Angela and I were standing. The rider removed the shiny black helmet to reveal the handsome face of Jacob Black—all russet skin, spiky black hair and shiny white teeth. His eyes lit on me, and his smile grew wider.

"Holy shit! As I live and breathe...the prodigal returns. Get over here and give me a hug, Bella!"

**~*0*~**

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed that extra long chapter! I would love to hear your theories on Izzy's feelings for Edward and if you think she's going to continue to progress with him or if will she cave under the pressure?**

**BTW, before the inevitable questions arise...Jacob called Izzy 'Bella' on purpose—that was not a typo. The wolfpack is about to enter into this story, and things are going to get interesting.**

**In other news, I'll be working on a new one shot contest with my buddies, Keye and Sandy, on FreeWriters and Readers—which is a new censorship free site that was started by the talented author ObsessedTwibrarian. We'll be featuring different unique themes, and it will most likely be a bi-monthly contest. Please see my profile for the link to the site, and I'll post the link to the contest group once it's up and running.**

**(http) : / freewritersandreaders (.) ning (.) com**

**As always reviewers get TEASED!**


	5. Chapter 5 The Ropes Have Been Unbound

**A/N: I'm overwhelmed by the response I've gotten to this story—ranging from the extremely positive, to those who are extremely disturbed by it. That's awesome because this isn't **_**supposed**_** to be a story that makes you feel warm and fuzzy. It's a journey from extreme darkness toward light. It's likely that this story will be one huge adrenaline rush from beginning to end (strap in).**

**Sexy Edward growls to my lovely pre-readers, Keye and Sandy. A special thanks to Keye who chose the musical inspiration for this chapter.**

****If you would like to listen to the music for this story, I have created a Mixpod player, and the link is on my profile. I recommend clicking on 'stand alone player.' I update the songs each chapter. 'Painted Black' is always the first song, but after that the songs go in descending order based on the current chapter I have updated. Enjoy!**

**Love and Emmett bear hugs to my awesome beta, Jess (jkane180), for her super-fast beta skills and great feedback.**

**Disclaimer: **I own Darren, Matt, Ricky and Jack. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all its characters—I like to play with them, and use them to get under your skin. Are we there yet?

**Chapter 5**

**~The Ropes Have Been Unbound~**

**~*0*~**

**PLAYLIST for this chapter:**

**Howl ~ **_**Florence and the Machine**_

**Whataya Want From Me? **_**~ Adam Lambert**_

**If Today Was Your Last Day **_**~ Nickelback**_

**~*0*~**

**Howl ~ Florence and the Machine**

_**If you could only see the beast you've made of me  
I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free  
Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart  
Drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart**_

_**My fingers claw your skin, try to tempt my way in  
You are the moon that makes the night for which I have to howl  
My fingers claw your skin, try to tempt my way in  
You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to**_

_**Howl, howl  
Howl, howl**_

_**Now there's no rolling back, I'm aching to attack  
My blood is singing with your voice, I want to pour it out  
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound  
I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hallowed ground**_

_**Like some child possessed, the beast howls in my veins  
I want to find you and tear out all of your tenderness**_

_**And howl, howl  
Howl, howl**_

_**Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers  
Starts so soft and sweet and turns them into hunters  
Hunters, hunters, hunters  
Hunters, hunters, hunters**_

_**The fabric of your flesh, pure as a wedding dress  
Until I wrap myself inside your arms I cannot rest  
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound  
I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hallowed ground**_

_**And howl**_

_**Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers  
Starts so soft and sweet and turns them into hunters**_

_**A man who's pure of heart and says his prayers by night  
May still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright**_

_**If you could only see the beast you've made of me  
I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free  
The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound  
I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hallowed ground **_

**~*0*~**

_**Previously**_

_After school, I walked out to the parking lot to wait for my vampire escort to arrive, which was Alice today. I lit a cigarette, blowing a puff of smoke up into the misty air. Glancing to my left, I saw Angela Weber leaning against the stone wall further down. She offered up a shy smile but didn't speak to me. I nodded back to her._

_I could hear the sound of a motorcycle in the distance, and as it drew closer, I could see a lone figure clad in black leather from head to toe. There was something so sexy about a guy on a bike. The motorcycle slowed, pulling into the parking lot of the school, and stopped at the curb in between where Angela and I were standing. The rider removed the shiny black helmet to reveal the handsome face of Jacob Black—all russet skin, spiky black hair and shiny white teeth. His eyes lit on me, and his smile grew wider._

_"Holy shit! As I live and breathe...the prodigal returns. Get over here and give me a hug, Bella!"_

**~*0*~**

**~*Izzy*~**

Oh, hell no—Jacob Black did _not_ just call me Bella. I shot him a dark look and took a long, slow drag off my cigarette.

"Aw, c'mon, Bells! It's been too long. Why didn't you tell me you were back in town?" Jacob hung the helmet off his bike and held his arms open wide, his smile one that would charm the panties off most women. I say _most_ because I was not one of them.

"My name's Izzy," I ground out, glaring at him.

"Yeah, yeah. But to me, you'll always be Bella." He smiled at me as he shook his head slowly back and forth, his massive shoulders shrugging in his black leather jacket. Then he turned his attention to my left. "Hey, baby."

I turned my head, and to my surprise, Angela fucking Weber sauntered over and allowed Jacob to pull her into a face mashing kiss with his tongue practically down her throat. _What the fuck?_

"Um, what the fuck, Jacob?" I asked, giving him a pointed look.

"Oh, that's right. You _have_ been away a long time, Bella. Angela and I are together." Then he whispered, "She's my imprint."

My eyes nearly popped out of my head. "She knows?"

"Yup."

"So, you've joined the pack then."

"Yup."

"No wonder you're so fucking big, Jake. Angela, I didn't know you had it in you. Good for you!"

Angela blushed, leaning into Jake's hard, hot body.

"Ang, can you give us a few?" Jacob asked, and she nodded.

Jacob came over to where I was standing and grabbed me by the shoulders, looking down into my face, and thoroughly examined me. His eyes narrowed as they roamed over me—noting the viper bites, black liner and dyed black hair. I blew smoke in his face, and he just laughed as he pulled me into a bone-crushing hug.

"Holy shit, Jake! You've got some grip. No more skinny little Jake that I used to beat at arm wrestling, huh?"

"No. Now, I'm a fierce werewolf. Why, might I ask, do you reek of bloodsucker?" Jake stiffened slightly.

"I'm fucking one." I winked as I blew another plume of smoke in Jake's face.

"Aw, shit. Didn't I teach you better than that, Bells?" Jacob held me away from him, wrinkling his nose, and shot me a fierce look.

"Don't call me that!" I snarled. "And don't tell me who to fuck." I pushed back against Jacob's chest, but it had even less of an effect on him than it had on Tyler earlier—it was like pushing against a fucking brick wall.

Jacob laughed. "You've got about as much chance of moving me as moving a mountain." Then his eyes grew serious. "You're playing with fire, Bella. Don't you ever learn?"

"Fuck you, Jake. Actually, I've already _played_ with fire, and I've switched teams—I prefer ice now." I smirked. Angela's eyes grew wide, and she looked betrayed as tears gathered, threatening to spill over.

"Not Jacob, Angela. Jake is like an annoying brother. We've never fucked," I reassured her, and she flinched at my crude language.

Jacob turned toward Angela. "Yeah, baby. Bella and I go way back...to making mud pies in the sand box as kids. We just never looked at each other _that_ way. Listen, Ang, why don't you go on home, and I'll be by later?"

"Okay, Jake. I'll just catch a ride with Jess or something."

Jacob pulled her into his embrace, kissing her soundly before letting her go. "Love you, baby."

"I love you, too," she whispered shyly, giving me a sidelong glance as she walked away.

Facing me again, Jacob grabbed me in another bone-crushing hug. "I miss your ass at the bonfires, Bells! I know the rest of the guys would love to see you, too—one in particular. I want to see your face on the Res, soon. I'm not going to tell Billy you've been back for a while—it would kill him to know you haven't come to see him."

Our conversation was cut short by the sound of another motorcycle with another black leather clad figure on it that pulled in behind Jake's bike.

"Jake, man! What the fuck's taking you so long? I thought you were just picking up Angela."

I would recognize that voice anywhere, and my heart stopped. Paul. We had a torrid past and really hot sex a few times.

Paul stopped his bike, took off his helmet—God, he looked hot as hell—and flung his long, muscled leg over the motorcycle, sauntering up behind Jake. He still hadn't seen me due to Jake's massive body blocking his view, but he would any second. Shit.

Three.

Two.

One.

"Jake! What the—_Izzy_? Is that you?" Paul's voice was incredulous.

I flicked my hand. "Hey."

"Hey? That's all the fuck you have to say to me is 'Hey' after all this time? Where the fuck have you been, and why haven't I heard from you? Jake, get the fuck out of the way!" Paul pushed Jacob away and grabbed my arm, pulling me up against his chest.

The air whooshed out of me as I crashed into Paul's hard body, and I cringed, knowing he would smell vampire on me just like Jake had. "Paul, let me go."

"Baby, where have you been? What's going on?"

Paul's hands came up to cup my face, and I remembered how very wild he was in bed. We'd had some really fuckhot times in the sack—he was wild and unfettered, never asking for any serious commitments. I drew in a breath, looking up into his dark eyes, and my inner banshee cried out. _Oh, yeah, baby! Let's get back on that ride, girl._

Paul's face scrunched up with disgust. "What's that stench on you? No, oh, no—don't even tell me..."

"Paul, let me go."

"No. Not until you tell me where you've been and why the fuck you reek of vampire." Paul still held my face between his huge hands, and he looked down on me fiercely. My mouth opened, but nothing came out—Paul had this effect on me, and it annoyed me to no end. His eyes strayed to my lips and darkened considerably. "Oh, Izzy, you've got hardware now. Mm-mm." Then his lips came down on mine, his tongue thrusting inside my mouth roughly as he crushed my body against his.

I lost my breath, and I knew I had no chance of moving him any more than I could move Jacob. My inner banshee was in heaven—she didn't want to move away. _Kiss him back, you moron! Here you have the promise of hot sex without the emotional bullshit. Remember how he used to manhandle us? So fuckhot. Ungh! _My mind turned to thoughts of how mean and selfish Paul could be and that I was at school, and I didn't want others to see me with another guy's tongue down my throat because of Edward. Maybe I couldn't give Edward my heart, but I didn't want to make a fool of him either—especially not after all he'd done for me today. I jerked my head to the side, and Paul's lips and tongue dragged across my cheek.

"What's your problem, Iz? Don't you remember how hot we are together?" Paul rubbed his hips up against me suggestively.

"Just stop it, fuckwit! Do you think you can just maul me in public and treat me like I'm your possession? Get the fuck off me!"

"You don't mean that, baby," Paul cooed at me, running a finger along the side of my neck.

"Get your hands off her." A soft but coldly commanding voice came from behind me._ Edward._ Shit.

Paul's eyes blazed, and he pulled me tighter against his body. "What fucking business is it of yours, Cullen?"

"Why don't you ask _her_?" Edward replied evenly. His voice was well-modulated, but knowing him as well as I do, I could tell he was on the edge.

Paul held me at arms length. "Iz?"

I looked up at Paul apologetically. "Paul, you wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise. I'm with Edward now."

Paul's nostrils flared, and his fingers bit into my shoulders painfully. He shook his head slowly. "No. You don't know what you're saying, baby. You can't seriously want a bloodsucker all over you."

"Paul, you're hurting me. Let go."

Jacob walked over and put an arm on Paul. "Hey, man. This isn't the way. If you phase here -"

Paul snarled at him, "Yeah, I know. This is bullshit, Izzy!"

Edward's voice still came from behind me, but it was closer and filled with venom. "Get your filthy paws off her _now_. I won't warn you again."

"Shit. What—the whole coven's here?" Paul sneered, letting go of me.

I turned quickly to see Edward a few feet behind me, and Alice, Jasper and Emmett heading our way. I rushed into Edward's arms, burying my face against his shirt. He held me firmly but gently against him. "It's okay," he whispered into my hair, and then his voice got louder as he addressed Paul again. "You need to show her some respect, Paul."

Paul snorted. "Pfft. You think you own her now, Cullen? You think you can keep her? She'll walk the fuck all over you, milk you dry and then dump your sorry ass."

I closed my eyes against Paul's bitter accusations. He may have been referring to what I might do to Edward, but he was speaking from what he considered personal experience.

"No, I don't think I own her. I care about her, and I'm not going to allow you to manhandle her that way."

"Yeah? What tune will you be singing when she's fucking someone else? She's about as faithful as a black widow."

"It wouldn't change my stance on the matter at hand. You _will_ keep your filthy paws to yourself." Edward growled, baring his teeth.

Edward was so hot when he acted protective. I rubbed my legs together as my panties grew wet, and a soft moan escaped me. Edward looked down at me then, and I could see in his eyes that he knew how turned on I was. My inner banshee was even getting in on the action. _I have to give it to him...he's fucking fiercely hot when he gets all protective and possessive over us. Mm-mm-mm._ Well, listen to her, the fucking hypocrite! Protective over _us_? She's the one always trying to get me to leave Edward—the one who encourages me to hurt him.

Jacob spoke firmly, "Paul, go home. That's an order, not a request—we'll discuss this later."

I turned so my back was up against Edward's chest, and his arm wrapped protectively across the front of my shoulders.

Paul spat on the ground, his nostrils flaring. "This isn't over—not by a long-shot." He raised his gaze to meet my eyes. "Izzy, this is so fucked up. You'll be back begging for more; you just wait and see."

"I don't think so, Paul," I said quietly.

Jacob grabbed Paul's arm. "Which part of go home didn't you understand, man?"

Paul hopped on his motorcycle and took off like a bat-out-of-hell, leaving tire marks in his wake. Once he was gone, I let out a breath that I didn't realize I was holding and allowed my body to relax back against Edward's chest.

Jacob turned his gaze on me. "What are you doing, Bella? Why don't you come home to the Res with me? Billy misses you, and it'll give you time to...think."

Edward growled low in his throat, tightening his hold on me almost imperceptibly, and I wondered if he was even aware he'd done it. Edward's feelings for me were one of the subjects I'd been avoiding, along with what I really felt for him. I didn't know much, but what I _did_ know was that I had never experienced the feelings I had for Edward with anyone else before—yes, I'd found men hot and wanted to fuck them—but what I felt toward Edward went deeper than just a fuck. Edward was also the one who was really _there_ for me and seemed to have my best interests in mind. I had a sneaking suspicion that if he had to choose to hurt himself or allow me to be hurt that he would choose to let himself be hurt. This line of thinking immediately scared the shit out of me, and I felt like I was going to implode from the knowledge. My body shook involuntarily, and Edward assumed it was because of the confrontation.

"It's okay, Izzy," he whispered against my ear, causing more wetness to form between my legs. Why did my body respond to him in such a way? "You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

Jacob stiffened. "Let her go, bloodsucker. Give her the space to make up her own mind."

Edward made to drop his arm, but I grabbed it and held it in place, nestling back against his chest. "No, don't let go." I could feel surprise emanating from Edward, but he kept his arm securely around me as I'd asked. "Jacob, I'm where I want to be. Edward has done more for me than anyone ever has, and I care about him. I'm sorry if that doesn't fit with what you or Billy want for me—I never asked you to appoint yourselves my guardians. Maybe I'll stop by the Res to visit, but I'm _not_ coming to live there."

Jacob crossed his arms over his chest and nodded. "Okay, Bella. I hope you know what you're getting into."

His demeanor was so condescending—he thought he knew jack shit about my relationship with Edward?—that I pulled Edward's protective arm down, slowly sauntered over to Jake, and poked him hard in the chest. "Listen to me, Jacob Black. We might have grown up together, and you might have fooled me into playing Fifty-two Pick-up—once. I was there the first time you had a wet dream and creamed your fucking shorts, and you held my hand and threatened to break Danny Garrett's face after he broke my heart in seventh grade." Jacob's lips quirked up as he looked down at me with amusement. I continued on, jabbing him in the chest repeatedly. "But a lot of shit's happened in my life since then—stuff you don't know about—and I won't allow you to pass judgment from up on your fucking high horse. I know vampires and werewolves are natural enemies, but don't you dare judge Edward on what he is—judge him on _who _he is and what he's done for me. Are we clear?" I scowled up at Jacob, and I was tempted to kick him right in the shin.

Jacob continued to look down at me with a small smile on his face, his eyes narrowing. "Well, well—just listen to you tell me how it is. Sounds like we have a lot to catch up on. If you're sure _Edward_ is what you want right now...I'll back off." Then he raised his head to look directly at Edward. "But let _me_ be clear—if he hurts you, I'll kick his undead ass."

"I wouldn't expect anything less if you're really her friend, Jacob Black," Edward said, and I turned to see a smirk on his face.

"Okay, Bells, I'll see you later. Don't be a stranger—you have my number, and you know where to find me."

"My name is Izzy, you fucking thick-headed dog!" Then I did kick him in the shin, and I felt the reverberation of it all the way back up my leg. Damn! I gritted my teeth but didn't yelp out like I wanted to.

"Ouch. That really hurt," Jacob deadpanned sarcastically as he tried to hide the smirk that was threatening to peek out.

"Fuck off, you beast!" I swore. "Later, Black."

"Yeah, later, _Black._" Jacob kicked his bike to life and took off.

I turned back to Edward and found that we were alone—the rest of his family had slipped away sometime during the drama. Edward held his hand out to me.

"I thought Alice was my babysitter today."

"Change of plans."

Taking my hand, he led me to his Volvo and drove me to the Cullens' house. He didn't speak while we drove, he just held my hand gently and rubbed circles on my knuckles with his thumb. His face was unreadable, but he didn't look as tense as I'd sometimes seen him, so I didn't think I was in big trouble.

The ride gave me a bit of time to ruminate, which I think might have been the idea behind Edward's silence. Today had been a long day with a lot of drama. It was enough with Lauren and Tyler, but I never expected Jacob and fucking Paul to show up. Jacob absolutely refused to call me Izzy—he insisted that Isabella Marie Swan was alive and well somewhere inside me just dying to get out. It was an issue we'd been arguing over since I emancipated and legally changed my name.

My thoughts turned to Paul. He was volatile and had a temper that could rival the one I was sporting. Paul was sexy as hell, and we'd both clashed and come together from the moment we laid eyes on each other. It reminded me a bit of the 'War of the Roses' in a way—we were hot together, but we couldn't get along for more than a few days at a time. Our relationship was all about the make-up sex after a blistering hot disagreement, and Paul sometimes became almost violent with me. It was an extremely self-destructive pairing for both of us, and I was the one that decided to put an end to it after Paul's feelings started to go places we'd agreed not to go.

_We were sitting around the bonfire drinking beer and roasting hot dogs—a favorite pastime of the pack. When there was nothing of consequence going on, imprints or girls that were dating pack members were allowed to attend. Things had been a bit strained between me and Paul recently; he wasn't acting like his usual conceited self and had been rather quiet._

"_Take a walk with me, baby." Paul leaned in to whisper in my ear, taking my hand in his large, hot one._

"_Okay."_

_We walked away from the group, and nobody commented because they were used to us disappearing from gatherings to go off on our own. Paul led me down to the water, and we walked along the edge of the surf, getting our feet wet. Our fingers were linked loosely together, and I could tell something was on Paul's mind, but he didn't seem ready to talk yet. When we reached the jetty, Paul turned suddenly, pushing me against one of the rocks. His eyes were hooded, and in the darkness, it wasn't possible for me to read his expression well. He didn't speak; he just held me trapped between his hard body and the hardness of the rock, his face in shadow as he looked down at me. I didn't speak—somehow it felt wrong to say anything at that moment—so I waited for Paul to take the lead._

_After a few minutes, he reached his hand up to brush away the hair the wind had whipped into my face, and he slowly lowered his mouth to mine. His kiss started out tentative and slow—very unusual for Paul, who had voracious appetites in everything he did—but soon turned more ardent and determined. He ground his pelvis against me, grabbing me by the hair and pulling my head back roughly as he plunged his tongue into my mouth—plundering and taking full possession. I was left breathless but decided not to question what was happening—what did I care? I was getting some action, and our relationship was built on a mutual understanding that we weren't going anywhere._

"_I need you right now," he said roughly, hiking my skirt up and shoving my thong aside. I heard the sound of his zipper going down, the sound of the foil wrapper being ripped open, and then he held me against the rock as he lifted my legs up around his waist and speared into me. Paul thrust his hips at a fast clip, his head burrowing into my neck, and I could feel his hot breath searing my cool skin. He kept whispering something over and over again, and it took me a while to make out that he was saying, "I want you, I want you, I want you..."_

_As always, the sex felt great, but I wasn't going to come. Tonight this seemed to incense Paul. "I want you to come with me, Izzy. Please."_

"_Paul..."_

"_Let me bring you pleasure." His hand strayed to my clit, and he started rubbing hard circles against it as he rammed into me. This might have worked if I wasn't afraid of losing control, and if his desperation didn't send off warning bells in my head._

"_You do bring me pleasure, Paul. Let's not go there," I warned, my body stiffening beneath him._

"_Okay, baby, relax." Paul grabbed my hips and once again started grinding into me hard and fast until he cried out. "Oh, Izzy!"_

_His large, hot body collapsed against mine, pressing me against the rock painfully. Now that we were finished, I just wanted him to get the hell off me because I felt all sticky and sweaty._

"_Paul, let me down."_

_After we straightened our clothes out, he grabbed my arm and pulled me up against his hard chest. "Izzy, I want more. I want you to be my girl," he whispered into my hair._

"_What?"_

"_Please, Izzy. I care about you. I don't want it to be so casual. I don't want anyone else's hands all over you." Paul's hand stroked my hair._

"_No, Paul. We've discussed this, and you know I can't commit to anything serious. I'm broken, and even if I wasn't—__**we**__ are. We're like a powder keg with an extremely short fuse just waiting for a spark."_

"_Izzy, we're so hot together. That has to mean something. I want you; didn't you hear what I just said?"_

"_Paul, have you heard what I've been saying? I don't want that. Not with you—not with anyone."_

_Things deteriorated rapidly after that. Paul was so distraught he tried to drag me back to his place with him to 'talk some sense into me,' and a few of the pack members heard me cry out and had to restrain him. As they dragged him away, he kept yelling out to me, "You know you want me! You know we can be good together! Think about what you're doing, Izzy!"_

_I cried into Jacob's shirt—the only male I trusted not to try to come on to me at that time. After that day, I stopped going to the Res._

"Penny for your thoughts," Edward said softly as we pulled up at his house. His cool fingers caressed my cheek.

"Oh, you don't want to open _that_ can of worms, Edward. God, my life is just one big can of worms. It's pathetic." I shook my head, looking down at my lap.

"Come inside with me?" Edward asked, squeezing my hand. He was so damn gentle with me—he never tried to force me to do things. Hell, I knew he wanted to be the only man in my life, and yet he was willing to take me as I was—flaws and all. For the millionth time I realized that I didn't deserve him.

Edward brought me through the front door this time, and we headed up to his room. "Nobody's here."

"Where are they?"

"They went hunting—to give us some privacy."

"I see." I sat down on the black leather couch, and Edward knelt down between my knees, cupping my face in his cool hands. His eyes were tender—not what I expected after that whole scene at the school. Guilt coursed through me again. "Edward, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

I snorted. "For a lot of things. But today I'm sorry about Jacob and Paul—especially Paul. I don't know how long you were there..."

"From the beginning."

My heart hit the floor. "Edward, I didn't kiss him back, I swear!"

Edward gave me one of his lopsided smiles. "I know. Is that what has you all twisted up?" He stroked his fingers on my skin as he continued to hold my face in his hands.

"Edward, I can't make you any promises—I told you that—but I won't make a fool out of you either. You've done so much for me—things I don't deserve. I don't understand why you waste your time on me when you could find yourself someone that can give you so much more."

"Shh..." Edward pulled me into his arms, and I nestled my head against his neck. "Izzy, let me worry about all that stuff, okay? I do have a few questions for you though."

"Sure."

"Jacob kept calling you Bella. I also notice you share a last name with him, but you're obviously not related."

"Oh, that. Long story, Edward."

"I've got time."

"Well, I suppose you may as well know why I'm so damaged—maybe then you'll smarten up and leave me behind."

Edward pulled my head up to look into my eyes. "I don't think so," he said softly, kissing my lips. Edward got up and sat on the couch, placing me on his lap with his arms around me. "Okay, I'm comfortable now. Tell me everything."

So I did.

**~*Edward*~**

It was hard to watch Jacob and Paul talking to Izzy without stepping in, but I felt I had to give her the room she needed to get control over her own life. If I rode in to the rescue every time something was wrong, then Izzy would more than likely tell me to get lost, and she would never find out that she'd had the inner strength to help herself all along.

When Paul kissed Izzy, I had the overwhelming urge to tear him limb from limb, but I was happy to see that Izzy turned her face away. Whether or not she consciously realized it, she was starting to feel something for me, and she was shying away from interaction with other males—with the exception of Jack the Dom. Her relationship with Jack was a bit more complex, and I suspected it would take a lot longer for her to get over her need for him. I felt better knowing that Jack was aware of me, and that he actually seemed to be on our side.

It didn't escape my notice that Izzy didn't wear a skirt to school today or that she was upset when I asked if I was keeping her from meeting Tyler. She allowed me to kiss her in front of the entire student body in the cafeteria and held hands with me on the way to biology. I wasn't foolish enough to think things were going to completely smooth out, but we were making progress.

My siblings agreed to go hunting so I could have some time alone with Izzy. I wanted to know why Jacob Black insisted on calling her Bella and why that seemed to upset her so much. I had a feeling the answer might explain why she was so broken, and it would aid me in helping her to heal. Paul had deep feelings for Izzy—I could read that underneath all his anger today—and that was something I wanted to hear about, as well.

Cradling her on my lap, I asked her to tell me everything. To my great surprise...she did.

Izzy looked down while she spoke, picking at my sweater with her stubby fingernails. She talked in a low voice that was nearly a whisper, as if to say it louder would make it more real. I growled low in my throat as she explained how her step-father had tried to rape her, and when she shot him in the groin with his own gun, her mother had tried to bring_ her_ up on charges. Thankfully, the judge had seen through them and offered her card to Izzy after granting sole custody to Charlie Swan. When Charlie was murdered shortly after, Izzy had the wherewithal to contact the judge, and she became emancipated. It was understandable that Izzy felt everyone she ever loved or cared about had let her down, left her or died. She was hiding behind her attitude, bad language, the hardware that made her different, the dyed black hair, drugs, alcohol, sex and a huge heap of indifference.

She'd used sex to feel powerful over men—never letting herself climax, until me. I knew why she had orgasms when we made love—it was because we were mated, bound to one another. She wasn't ready to know this information yet, but I understood perfectly. Even though to an outsider it might seem that I was making a complete fool of myself over Izzy, I needed to tread carefully so I wouldn't lose her before she healed enough to accept me as her mate. There was nothing I wouldn't do for her, and it killed me to see her in so much pain.

After she shared her story about Paul and the way their relationship ended, his actions made a lot more sense to me. We would have to keep an eye on him—he had a volatile temper, and I didn't trust him.

"So, that's me in a nutshell, Edward. Are you ready to let me go now?" Izzy sighed deeply.

"No. Izzy, none of this is your fault. You simply reacted and built defenses in response to all the horrific things that have happened to you. Now you just need to realize that all of that is over, and you're not alone anymore. I'm here for you."

Izzy was still looking down at her lap, but now her head snapped up, and her cinnamon eyes met mine. "Are you fucking for real, boyscout? After all the shit I just told you, you're still willing to stick it out with me?"

"Yes," I answered simply.

"Oh...I don't know what to say." Izzy looked extremely uncomfortable, and then tears just started spilling down her face. She tried to swipe them away quickly, but the flood was so torrential that she couldn't hide them, so she pressed her face into my neck and just let go and sobbed. She keened like a lost child, and I had a feeling it was a long time coming.

Gathering her in my arms, I carried her over to my bed, laying her down next to me gently, and I just held her tight while she cried it out. Greedily, I drank her tears, using my lips to capture the drops of pain that continually rolled down her face—each drop encasing a taste uniquely Izzy that was just as potent as her blood or the decadent juices she released when she was aroused for me.

Eventually, Izzy fell asleep with her limbs entwined tightly around my body and her face burrowed in my neck. I was completely trapped, and I was content to stay there for as long as necessary. Izzy had finally shared some of her pain with me, cried on me and—even though she might not have realized it yet—put her trust in me. I wasn't stupid enough to think this was it—that she would just fall into my arms like in a fairytale. Once she had time to think about what she'd done, I expected some kind of rebellion to occur—I just hoped it wasn't going to be too destructive.

Alice stopped by the house while Izzy slept, and I filled her in on what happened in a fast whisper that Izzy wouldn't be able to pick up on. Alice agreed that although she didn't see any visions because no decision had been made yet, she felt Izzy would buck against the progress we'd made today. I asked her to keep everyone away until she heard from me.

After several hours had passed, Izzy became agitated and began to murmur in her sleep. "Edward..." she called out plaintively. "I need you...please don't leave me...I'm sorry I always hurt you...I don't deserve to have you..." She clung to me harder than before, as if trying to crawl inside me, and I fervently wished there was something I could do to take away her pain. It was killing me to know what she'd been through and to hear her anguish continually pouring forth while I lay there helplessly stroking her hair and whispering reassurances against her ear.

Slowly she drifted toward consciousness, and I readied myself for the walls to come back up. Never one to allow me to be sure on my feet, Izzy decided to take a different approach. She rolled slightly away from me, and her limbs started to move one by one as she stretched the stiffness from them, then she leaned back my way—eyes still closed—and started to rub circles over my chest with her hands. Her fingers tentatively traveled up my neck and traced my face before twisting into my hair. She opened her beautiful eyes and lifted them to mine. "Edward, make love to me." Her voice was soft but demanding.

"Izzy..." I began, but she stopped me with her mouth. Her lips were warm and soft, and her wet little tongue licked at my lips. I groaned as my erection roared to life, and my control began to dissipate. I pulled back slightly. "Izzy, are you sure? You don't have to do this—I don't expect anything from you."

Her amused gaze found mine. "What makes you think I would care what's expected of me?" Then her pupils dilated as she whispered, "I want you. Now."

I stroked her face and then cupped it in my hands as I kissed her deeply. I plunged my tongue into her warm and waiting mouth, and our tongues tangled together. She yanked on my hair and moaned, which caused me to grow even harder. I explored her mouth with my tongue, loving the taste of her. Without breaking our kiss, I started removing our clothing, but I moved slowly this time in case she wanted to change her mind. After the emotional onslaught, I didn't want to take advantage of her in any way.

"Faster, Edward," she breathed between kisses.

"There's no rush, Izzy."

"Your family?"

"They won't be back until I call them." She started to speak again, but I covered her mouth with mine, slipping my tongue into her mouth and kissing her slowly. Once our clothes were in a pile beside my bed, I gently ran my hands over her body, enjoying all the curves and softness. Her hands left my hair as she started to explore my body, running her fingers down over the muscles of my back and grabbing my ass. I smiled against her lips, pulling her closer against me.

Lifting my head, I asked, "Do you want to be on top, Izzy?" I recalled her need for control. I had my reasons for dominating our previous sexual encounters, but in light of what she'd just been through emotionally, I thought she might need this.

"No."

"No?"

She shook her head. "I want your body covering mine, Edward."

There was no stopping the growl that ripped out of me as I flipped her on her back and pinned her to the bed. I skimmed my nose along her jaw and pressed my lips against her ear. "Be careful what you say, Izzy. You have to remember I'm not human—I have instincts that I can't always suppress."

"Mm-mm, I know, Edward, and it's so sexy."

Another growl rumbled in my chest as I nudged her thighs apart with my knee. Releasing one of her hands, I slipped a finger between her folds to find her hot, slick and ready for me. "You're so wet, Izzy," I moaned against her neck.

"For you, Edward. Please...I need you right now," she whimpered.

Lining myself up with her wet heat, I entered her slow and steady until I was completely sheathed inside her. Her velvety soft walls surrounded me, and I stilled myself, just enjoying the sensation before starting to move. My strokes were long and slow as I pulled back then sank into her over and over again. Izzy locked her legs around my waist and clung to me for dear life. That, coupled with the soft moans she kept releasing against my lips, fueled my passion further, and I started thrusting into her harder and faster. The electricity that singed between us whenever we touched was humming at an increased rate, and I could feel it flowing between us where our bodies were joined together. Izzy's breathing sped up, her heart rate elevated significantly, and I could feel her walls starting to quiver around me as her orgasm approached.

"Look at me?" I requested softly, rather than demanding as I'd done in the past.

Izzy's eyes met mine willingly. I was astonished at the amount of emotion she was allowing to flow through her eyes, as if she was trying to say things to me that she wasn't willing to voice out loud. I vaguely heard my cell phone vibrating from the pile of clothing on the floor but dismissed it.

Our bodies rocked faster and faster, nearing release. Izzy suddenly grabbed my face between her hands and whispered, "Only you do this to me; I don't understand it." Her eyes were filled with a mixture of intense heat and confusion. I knew why I had this effect on her, but I said nothing. "Come with me, Edward," she moaned as her body started to spasm around me.

"Izzy!" Her name was a guttural cry that erupted from somewhere deep inside me and filled the room as I exploded inside her.

I continued thrusting inside her slowly until her walls ceased milking me, and then I rolled us to the side, remaining inside her. I never wanted this moment to end—for the first time _she_ had requested that I make love to her and had opened her eyes willingly. She even asked me to come with her, acknowledging the fact that she reached release with me. Even though she wasn't aware that I knew she couldn't come with other men, it was a huge step for her.

My phone vibrated again, and I groaned, reaching over the side of the bed to root around through the pile of clothes. I dragged my jeans onto the bed and, pulling my phone out, saw a text from Alice.

_**Incoming Text Message from Alice:**_

_**EDWARD GET IZZY OUT OF THERE NOW! JAMES WILL BE THERE BEFORE WE CAN GET TO YOU!**_

The message was from nearly ten minutes ago. The second message made my dead heart clench tightly.

_**Incoming Text Message from Alice:**_

_**FORGET TRYING TO RUN. MAKE A STAND THERE. WE'RE ON OUR WAY!**_

"Shit!" I muttered, pulling out of Izzy roughly and dressing myself as fast as I could. "Izzy, get dressed. James is on his way here, and Alice says we have no time to get out before he arrives."

Izzy's eyes grew wide, but she sprang into action, grabbing at her clothing. "How the fuck did he find us, Edward? Shit!"

"I'll protect you, Izzy; I promise."

Izzy looked at me with tears in her eyes. "I won't survive it if he hurts you, Edward. Please...you have to let him have me if things look like they're going his way."

"Never!" I growled, then I stilled because I could hear his sick mind and the sound of him scaling the side of my house...right through the open window. He could have jumped up, but he _wanted_ me to hear him coming.

James stood on the ledge of the window and clapped his hands with his head cocked to the side. "Bravo. How fucking sweet the two of you are." Then he said mockingly, "Take me...no, let him take me!"

I leaped between the bed and James, growling, my lips peeled back from my teeth.

"Oh, please. I'll save you guys the agony—I'm going to kill you both...eventually." James spoke softly with a smile—he almost could have been talking about getting together for dinner.

"You can't have her."

"Oh, but I've _already_ had her, and I intend to have her several more times before I drink every last drop of her delectable blood." James licked his lips.

I could hear Izzy's indrawn breath from behind me. "You'll never have me, James! I'll kill myself before I allow you between my legs again, you _sick fuck_!"

James just threw his head back and laughed. "Death can be arranged, sweet thing. Just know after you're gone that I'll tear your precious Edward to shreds and burn him until he's just a pile of ash."

"No!" Izzy cried out.

I couldn't protect her like this, and James knew it, which was why he was goading her. Never taking my eyes off James, I spoke to Izzy. "Don't listen to anything he says, Love. He's trying to upset you and distract me."

I heard my phone vibrate on the bed, and Izzy picked it up. "Edward, it's from Alice. She said there are _eight _of them...they'll be here soon."

Eight? I thought for a second and realized Izzy was trying to tell me something. There were only six of them that could be on their way...so maybe she meant eight minutes. That was eight minutes too long as far as I was concerned.

"So, Edward, why don't you just hand her over to me? If you do, I promise I'll be quick with her."

"When hell freezes over, you sick son of a bitch. You'll never touch her—not while I still exist."

"We'll just have to dispense with you first then. That can be arranged." James cracked his knuckles and started to walk further into my room.

I knew it would be extremely dangerous to have him in the same room as Izzy, so I launched myself at him, catching him in the stomach, and we both jettisoned out the window, landing in the yard. James growled angrily, obviously not expecting my actions. We tumbled on the hard ground, churning up a cloud of dirt as we punched and kicked at each other. I read in his mind that he was going to try to grab for my head, and I deftly avoided him, landing a punch to his jaw that snapped his head back. He pushed back off me and kicked me in the stomach, knocking me to the ground. I was back on my feet in less than a second, but he was already running across the field toward the woods. I started to follow but saw in his mind that was exactly what he was hoping for. I hesitated a moment—still six minutes before my family arrived—if I chased him I would be leaving Izzy alone and exposed. Realizing that was his plan all along, I leaped back up to my bedroom window.

"Edward!" Izzy threw herself in my arms.

I pushed her away. "Izzy, I can't protect you like this. He may come back; I need to concentrate fully."

"I-I'm sorry. Is he still out there?"

"He took off into the woods, hoping I would follow him. He knows my family is on the way, so I don't think he'll come back. He's working with someone else—they were going to snatch you while he had me occupied."

Izzy slapped her hand over her mouth. I kept watch over the yard, casting my mind out for any strange thoughts. Izzy screamed a few minutes later when she heard the sound of someone coming through the window, but it was just Emmett.

"Whoa, Izzy! The Cavalry has arrived! No need to fear anymore." Emmett grinned, grabbing her up into a big hug.

"Let me go, Emmett!" Izzy squirmed until he put her down, then she launched herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck and digging her fingers into my hair. My arms closed around her, and she sighed, her heart rate slowing immediately.

"Where's everyone else?" I asked Emmett.

"Checking the area. Jasper caught the scent of James and followed it to the Quileute border, but he thought it best not to pursue right now. There was another scent in the area, too, one we've never smelled before."

"He was trying to lure me out so someone else could snatch Izzy." I growled low in my throat. "Thank God Izzy told me that you guys were almost here, or he might have turned back and confronted me again. I might not have been able to protect her against two of them." I tightened my hold on Izzy's warm body, which was shaking.

"Edward, I was so scared for you," she whispered, her voice quivering.

"I know, Love. We're going to have to change the way we do things until we catch this sick bastard." I ran my fingers through her hair and down her back soothingly.

"Okay, whatever you think is best."

It was a shock to hear those words coming from Izzy, but I wasn't about to question it. Her cooperation was imperative if we were going to protect her without anyone getting hurt. Emmett raised his eyebrows but didn't comment.

There was a vibrating between our bodies as Izzy's phone went off in her pocket. She pulled it out and flipped it open to a text message.

_**Incoming Text Message from Unknown Caller:**_

_**JUST TESTING THE WATERS TODAY. NEXT TIME YOUR ASS IS ALL MINE. I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO THE TASTE OF YOU—BOTH YOUR BODY AND YOUR BLOOD.**_

**~*0*~**

**A/N: Lots to digest. This story just consumes me from the inside out, and the chapters write themselves at least twice as fast as my other fics. I suppose it's fitting since this story **_**moves**_** twice as fast as my other stories.**

**I'm thinking about doing an outtake or two from Edward's POV. TwilightGuru09 (also an author here, go check out her stories...especially "Esme and the Riding Crop" HOT) gave me the idea of writing Edward's POV from when he pulls Izzy into the classroom and bends her over the desk. Yummy. So, let's hear from you guys. What outtakes would **_**you **_**like to see? Most likely I will write this only for my loyal reviewers and the outtakes won't be posted on the site—just like with my BB outtake from ISYC.**

**If you're an Emmett fan, check out the story "Messes" written by my beta, Jess (jkane180). It's hilarious and HOT as hell! Make sure you tell her Sarita sent you. *wink***

**Reviewers will be TEASED mercilessly...and might receive a yummy Edward outtake.**


	6. Chapter 6 Can't Stay Away

**A/N: Sorry this took me so long to get out, but it is a nice long chapter!**

**A warm welcome to my new readers, and profound thanks to my usual crew that pimps me out left and right. Mwah!**

****If you would like to listen to the music for this story, I have created a Mixpod player, and the link is on my profile. I recommend clicking on 'stand alone player.' I update the songs each chapter. 'Painted Black' is always the first song, but after that the songs go in descending order based on the current chapter I have updated. Enjoy! **

**Love to my pre-readers and partners in crime, Keye and Sandy, for their awesomeness. Jack will be over soon with his bag of tricks.**

**Thanks and gratitude to my lovely beta, Jess (jkane180), for her incredible skills and speed. She gets a ride on the back of Jacob's bike and then...?**

**Disclaimer: **I own Darren, Matt, Ricky and Jack. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all its characters—I like to play with them, and use them to get under your skin. Are we there yet?

* * *

**Chapter 6**

**~Can't Stay Away~**

**~*oOo*~  
**

**PLAYLIST for this chapter:**

**I Can't Stay Away ~ **_**The Veronicas**_

**Doppleganger I Love You **_**~ Zeromancer**_

**I Need You **_**~ Relient K**_

**Eat You Alive **_**~ Limp Bizkit**_

**Control **_**~ Puddle of Mudd**_

**~*oOo*~**

_**I Can't Stay Away ~ The Veronicas**_

_**This is wrong  
I should be gone  
Yet here we lay  
'Cause I can't stay away**_

_**Roses bloom  
In your dirty room  
I come to play  
'Cause I can't stay away  
No I can't stay away-ay**_

_**I'm conflicted  
I inhale now I'm addicted  
To this place  
To you babe  
I can't stay away  
Can't stay away  
We get up, we go down  
Then we go one more round  
It's wrong, they say  
I can't stay a- I can't stay away  
No I can't stay a- I can't stay away**_

_**I was numb  
For you I come  
Night and day  
And I can't stay away  
No I can't stay away**_

_**I'm conflicted  
I inhale now I'm addicted  
To this place  
To you babe  
I can't stay away  
Can't stay away  
We get up, we go down  
Then we go one more round  
It's wrong, they say  
I can't stay a- I can't stay away  
No I can't stay a- I can't stay away**_

_**I wish I could  
Leave and never return  
Baby, I know I should  
But for you I'd burn**_

_**Stay away  
'Cause I can't stay away-ay**_

_**I'm conflicted  
I inhale now I'm addicted  
To this place  
To you babe  
I can't stay away  
Can't stay away  
We get up, we go down  
Then we go one more round  
It's wrong, they say  
I can't stay a- I can't stay away  
No I can't stay a- I can't stay away**_

_**I can't stay away  
I can't stay away  
I can't stay away  
I can't stay away**_

**~*oOo*~**

**~*Izzy*~**

What the fuck. My life has turned into a fucking circus. I can't think of another eighteen year old surrounded by mythical creatures—some of which want to devour her in a sensual way—some of which just want to devour her. I felt like I wanted to escape the confines of my own skin—if only that was possible. _Reality fucking bites._ So do vampires. And werewolves claw their way inside you and try to devour you from the inside out.

_Peace._

Peace was something I longed for...something I hadn't had a taste of in years, if ever. It was something I chased constantly that eluded me, hence my heavy usage of alcohol, drugs and, even worse, the reason I would sometimes cut myself. It was the reason that I sought out Jack and his magic bag of tricks—why I allowed him to control and dominate me. When I was with Jack, I didn't have to _think_ for myself or _rely _on myself because he was in charge. Better yet, I had no feelings for Jack—we didn't have those illusions between us—and he helped me to _feel_ through his clever use of pain play.

Enter Edward—fuckhot vampire—protective, caring, self-fucking-sacrificing and, stupidly, head-over-heels for me. Yes, yes, he played my game and agreed when I told him not to fall for me or I would kick him out, but I was well aware that Edward Cullen had fallen hard and fast for me. Know what else I was aware of? That I was dangerously close—balancing on the edge of a very sharp razor blade—to falling in love with him. There I'd said it out loud to myself. Cue inner banshee...

_What the fuck are you saying, you stupid twit? You aren't fit to be behind the wheel here; you need to let me take over, sweet thing, because you're making us both look like pansies. Edward is hot, I'll give him that, but he's going to be our downfall. Can't you see the forest for the trees? How he's broken down your defenses and wheedled his way in with that crooked smile and all the hot sex? We don't fall in love—it can only lead to complete and utter disaster._

I've also realized that my inner banshee is an annoying bitch that wants to keep me alone and isolated from anyone who might care about me that I could care about in return. She's scared to death...and _she _is me. _I'm _scared to death to let Edward in—to let anyone in—but it's begun to happen in spite of myself. I closed my eyes as my body shook with need—so many needs at once that I refused to name them.

"Whoa! Izzy, what's going on?"

Fucking Jasper.

"Privacy, Emo Boy. _Boundaries._" I glared at him as he tumbled over the window sill into my room, landing on the balls of his feet into a graceful crouch.

Jasper smiled up at me impishly. "Right. Want to play Super Heroes together? Because surely if _I'm_ Emo Boy, then _you're_ Emo Girl. The shit coming off you...Dalai Lama...not just knots this time but very complicated knots."

"And? I'm not entitled to weave my fucking web?"

"Izzy, why won't you ever let anyone help you?"

"Okay, help me. Make me feel better, Jasper." I decided to call his bluff.

"That's not what I'm talking about, and you know it. I can give you some assistance, Izzy. I'm going to hazard a guess that your feelings for Edward are what have you all twisted up and conflicted inside. You will never find someone like Edward again—and I don't say it because he's my brother—he truly cares for you."

Tears puddled in my eyes, and I looked away to save face, but I knew Jasper could smell them. "I know, Jasper. I know that Edward has feelings for me, and I'm scared to death that I'll never be able to return those feelings—never be able to give him what he deserves—it's just so unfair to him. Don't you see?"

I felt a cool hand on my shoulder as I slumped over on my bed and glanced up to see Jasper looking down at me sympathetically. "I do see—it's you that doesn't see right now, Izzy. You're so entrapped in the complicated web of bullshit you've concocted for yourself—rules that shut everyone out—that you're hopelessly lost in a hall of mirrors. Find your way out before it's too late."

All the air left my lungs, and I couldn't draw in a breath. On some level, I recognized what Jasper said as the truth, and it scared me. I didn't know if I could ever come back from _there_. It took me so long to get there, and I'd burned so many bridges along my way that I wasn't sure what path might lead back—or even if there was a path back.

_Purgatory._

Purgatory was where I currently found myself residing—stuck in this half-life I had created. I wasn't really living...I wasn't dying...I was nothing. Edward had been dragged into the middle of the twisted drama that was my existence, and now he could pay the ultimate price because that sick fuck James had taken an interest in the living dead girl. I couldn't even do purgatory right.

"Jasper, please help me," I whispered.

He knelt in front of me, taking my hands in his large, cold ones, his golden eyes meeting mine seriously. "You understand this is temporary—like a band-aid—that it's just to give you a chance to work through things on your own, right?"

"Yes. I don't know if I can do it...I can only try. I'm so overwhelmed right now, and I really need to be high." My voice shook.

A feeling of relief flooded me...wrapping around me and filling my being. The high followed on its heels—it was almost as good as a nose full of coke. "Oh..." My hands gripped Jasper's as my head dropped back and the tension released from my body. I vaguely heard a light thump as someone else came in through the window—Alice.

"...best if he doesn't know about this right now, Jasper." As I came out of the intensity of the high feeling, I caught the end of Alice's whispered words.

"Hey, pixie. Are you talking about Edward?"

"Hi, Izzy. Yes, I think it's best we keep this between us for now, don't you? Edward is out hunting, but he'll be here in a few minutes with Emmett."

"Okay. Jasper, thank you. I feel a lot better. Do you know how long this will last?"

Jasper shook his head. "I have nothing to compare this to—I've never attempted anything like this before. You'll have to let me know. Call me anytime you need me, okay?"

"Thanks. Thank you both for all you're doing for me."

"Oh, Izzy, I think Jazz laid it on too thick today—you're being way too sweet," Alice teased with a tinkling laugh. "Oh! Edward will be here in five minutes. How about we scat and give you a few minutes alone?"

"Sounds good."

After Alice and Jasper 'left me alone'—which was laughable since they were out in the yard and could hear every sound my body made—I went into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. I pondered when the last time was that I'd truly looked myself in the eye, and I couldn't recall—certainly not since I'd moved back to Forks, and most certainly not since I'd gotten involved with Edward. The high that Jasper provided was a mental high, but it didn't affect me in a physiological way. I wasn't sure how that was going to play out, but the first effects of it were about to manifest themselves.

I stared at myself in the warm glow of the G.E. soft lighting—I abhorred fluorescent lighting with my whole being and refused to expose myself to it anywhere I didn't have to—and gave myself an honest once over. The woman that looked back at me scared the bejesus out of me—dark circles forming under her black-liner rimmed eyes, a hard _fuck you_ glare that could stop anyone but the bravest of people from striking up a conversation, the dyed black hair, so far from her own natural mahogany tones, that lent further hardness to her countenance, the viper bites—black, of course—that also tended to put off your average person. The scariest of all was the haunted look in her eyes—a look that was an admission that she didn't know what the fuck she was doing or where she was headed—that what she thought was a tightly controlled existence was just bullshit.

"Who are you?" I whispered. "What the fuck have you done to yourself?" Tears sprung to my eyes as the person I once was tried to surface—to communicate with the hardened bitch that stared back at me from the mirror—but it was short-lived.

_Buck up, bitch! Bella doesn't live here anymore. She's fucking dead—buried under all the decomposing bodies, abuse and disappointments. It's only because of __**me **__that you're even alive, you ungrateful bitch._

I hung my head. It was the truth—if not for my inner banshee stepping up and taking over, I would be long dead. A small part of Bella that was still inside me balked at my reflection—hating what I'd become—and before I could stop myself, I punched the mirror, shattering it. "Fuck!" Blood dripped down over my knuckles, but I did nothing to staunch the flow, nor did I move to pick the shards of glass out of my fist. I just stood over the sink, allowing the blood to drip its strange pattern into the white porcelain basin, and then I looked up at my incredibly shattered and distorted reflection, feeling a sense of satisfaction. "There, bitch—now you can see what you look like on the inside."

"_Izzy..._" The pained voice of Edward came from behind me. He _would_ pick this moment to get here.

_Well, you knew he was on his way here, you stupid cow!_

"Go away, Edward; I'm bleeding."

"I know; I can smell it. Let me help you," Edward answered softly, moving closer and putting his hands on my shoulders.

_Too much._

"No. I need to be alone." My voice was cold and flat.

"Don't shut me out, Izzy. Let me help you."

"That's part of the problem, Edward—you're _always_ trying to help me. When are you going to accept that I'm broken? I just got a mindful from myself—from all the selves residing inside this body. I'm so fucked."

"You're going to push me away again." Edward wasn't asking, he was stating it like a fact, as though he already knew it to be true. I didn't have the strength or the heart to turn and look him in the eye. He pulled me back against him by my shoulders, putting his cool lips next to my ear. "Please, Izzy, don't push me away. I need you."

I laughed bitterly. "You _need_ me? You're a strong, immortal vampire. What the fuck would you need me for, Edward?"

"Vampires have weaknesses, Izzy. Trust me when I tell you that I need you."

"Well then, Edward, that officially makes you even more fucked than I am. Welcome to the 'I'm So Fucked' club."

Edward's lips were still against my ear, his cool breath causing the same pleasant shivers as always, and my body started to respond to his proximity the same way it did every time—arousal. How could I be aroused when I was so distraught? It made no sense.

"What's going on here, Edward? How can you walk into the room and arouse me this way? I was ready to crawl into a bottle of JD or, better yet, a vial of coke—then you walk into the room and stand behind me, and my body fucking _knows _you."

Edward placed a kiss on the side of my neck. "Shh...don't over think things, Izzy. I feel the same way around you—it's part of why I said I need you—I can't stay away from you; it would be too hard for me now. Let me take care of your hand."

"But my blood..."

"It doesn't really bother me, Izzy. The day out in the woods, it took me by surprise, but I heard you punch the mirror, and I expected there to be blood. Will you let me take care of you?"

I nodded my head slowly. Edward came around the side of me, and I saw his face for the first time since he'd arrived. His eyes were pained, but still golden, and he took my hand gently in his and washed off the blood. He plucked the slivers of glass out of my knuckles gently, tossing them in the sink, then he raised my hand to his lips. My eyes shot up to his in fear—was my blood too much? At my indrawn breath, he stopped. "It's okay; I would never hurt you." His eyes were so sincere, and they were still of the finest golden honey. My body relaxed, and slowly, he raised my knuckles to his lips and kissed them. His perfect, soft pink tongue came out tentatively and started to lick at the cuts.

"Wh-What are you doing?"

"Healing your wounds. The venom on my tongue will close and heal those cuts—it won't hurt you in any way."

"Oh..." I whispered as each lick of his delectable tongue went right to my groin. It took an effort not to moan in ecstasy—you would have thought he was licking my pussy instead of my hand—and there was nothing romantic or sexy about my bathroom with the bloodstained sink or the shattered glass.

Cue the annoying inner banshee. _Holy fucking shit! He has one talented freakin' tongue that he could make us feel each lick on the hand down __**there**__. Maybe we'll have to rethink things and keep him around...because, because, because, because, because...because of the wonderful things he does!_

Is it possible to bitch slap your inner banshee? Because I was about to give it a shot...

_Ouch! You fucking bitch!_

I smirked with satisfaction, and I think my inner Bella did, too.

**~*oOo*~**

When Edward and I arrived at the hospital, my nerves got the best of me. What the hell was I thinking coming here to see Darren? He'd probably tell me to fuck off after the way I'd treated him. Then again, when was I ever afraid to meet anyone head on? _Smirk._

I knocked on the doorjamb of Darren's room before entering. He was lying in bed with his back to the door, and he didn't even look up to see who it was, he simply grunted.

"Hey, Darren," I said quietly so as not to surprise him too much.

"What? Do you want more blood from me? I think you guys already sucked me dry."

"No."

"Another psych eval, then? Fuck off. I wasn't trying to kill myself—I got a hold of some bad shit. If I wanted to die, I'd be dust already."

"It's Izzy, Darren."

A loud, derisive snort came from the lump on the bed.

"Darren, if you'd turn your ugly ass over you'd see that it really is Izzy," I snapped.

There was a guffaw from the bed and a groan as Darren turned over. "Izzy...what the fuck are _you_ doing here?"

"Nice to see you, too, asshole." I smirked at him. "You look like shit, Darren." He really did look like shit—he had none of his usual 'makeup' on, his hair was matted against his head, and his eyes looked flat and lifeless.

"Thanks a lot, you worthless bitch; now get out." Suddenly his eyes rested on Edward, who was leaning against the door-jamb. "Edward Cullen? What the fuck? Am I in the Twilight Zone?"

Edward's lips pulled up in his signature crooked smile. "Darren." He nodded, but didn't say anything more.

"Edward's with me. He brought me here to visit you," I explained.

"Poor fucker," Darren muttered. "How did you manage that? He hasn't figured out that your bitch act isn't an act yet?"

"Fuck you, Darren. Edward, can you give us a few?"

"Sure. Can I trust you two to be alone without killing each other?" Edward cocked an eyebrow, looking between us.

"Yes."

Edward leaned in to kiss me and then walked out of the room. Darren whistled between his teeth. "Miss a day, miss a lot, huh? You and Cullen? I never would have pegged you and the GQ model as a pair. _Are_ you a pair...or are you just..."

I held my hand up, palm out. "Darren, stop right there. I'm not messing around with anyone else at school anymore. I'm with Edward now. He's done a lot for me—much more than anyone else ever has."

Darren raised his eyebrows. "He's done a lot for you...but how do you _feel_ about him? Is it just a gratitude fuck, or are there some real feelings?"

I made a sound of disgust. "A _gratitude_ fuck? Where did you get that from? Listen, fuckwit, I care about Edward."

"Well, good. It's about time you felt something; you're a cold-hearted bitch, Izzy." Darren's flat brown eyes looked slightly more alive and held a touch of amusement now. "I don't really know much about him, but he seems like a nice enough guy—certainly a step up from _Tyler Crowley_." He let out a snort of derision.

"Yes, well, Tyler and I are most definitely...history."

"Yeah, Ricky told me about you kicking out his knee cap. You are one tough-as-nails bitch." Darren grinned, shaking his head. "So, why are you here?"

"Ricky told me what happened to you, and I wanted to see how you were doing. Darren, I'm sorry I've been such an asshole to you. I've been going through a lot of shit—not that it's an excuse—and I have a chip on my shoulder the size of a fucking boulder."

"You can say that again!"

We both laughed. I perched on the side of his bed and looked directly into his eyes. "Hey, Darren? I'm also really good at recognizing someone who's in a bad place—seeing as I spend so much time in bad places. You look like shit, and I can tell that you aren't trying too hard to get better either. You got dumped by some ho, right? So fucking what?"

Darren looked up at me, and I saw the first spark of real emotion in his eyes—so much the better that it was anger. "Fuck off, Izzy. Don't act like you know me."

"I know that you fell straight off the fucking wagon. I know that you got yourself some bad drugs, and I know that you need to get off your sorry ass and stop the pity party."

"I'm not having a pity party."

"Aren't you? Your eyes are flat, your hair looks like shit, no makeup...where's that asshole that I love to hate? Let's get you back on track, shall we?"

I picked up the duffel bag that Edward had left by the door for me and put it on Darren's bed.

"What the hell is that?"

"Hair gel, eye liner, a studded belt, your _disgusting _nose chain..." I took everything out of the bag, laying it out on the tray beside the bed.

Darren looked up at me as though I had three heads. "What...why are you doing this?"

"Just shut the fuck up and submit to me, Darren." I glared at him. He just grinned, shaking his head.

The door opened, and a nurse walked in. "Time for your blood pressure check!" Her sickening sweet voice made me want to vomit.

"You'll have to come back later, sweetheart. Right now his blood pressure is pretty high...and it will be for a while."

"But..."

"Get out." I glowered at her.

"Oh, my. Okay." The nurse backed out the door.

"You're evil, Izzy."

"It's starting to grow on you though, isn't it?"

"Can I get back to you on that?"

"Whatever, asshole. Just stay still or I might rip a new hole in your nose." I smirked.

After about half an hour, Darren looked like Darren again. Once I'd gotten him to wash up, I'd gelled his hair, helped him put his nose chain on and applied some eyeliner for him. The finishing touch was the long sleeved black shirt that Ricky had supplied me with. Pulling my hand mirror out of the bag, I held it up so he could inspect himself. He looked into the mirror for a while, and then tears filled his eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Thank you. And, Izzy? If you ever tell anyone that my eyes watered a little bit...I'll murder you in your bed."

"Your secret's safe with me because if you tell anyone I came here and put fucking makeup and hair gel on you, I'll rip your quarter inch killer off."

"You wish, Black."

"Right."

"Wanna see?"

"Um, no thanks, asshole."

While I was packing up my duffel bag, the same nurse popped her head in the door. Her eyes widened at the sight of Darren, in all his finery, sitting up in bed playing Solitaire.

"Oh! I haven't seen you so...lively since you've been here."

"Come and take his blood pressure now—it'll be much better. He might actually have a pulse now, too," I laughed.

"Get fucked, Izzy," Darren countered with a smile.

The nurse looked affronted. "Do you mind?"

"Not at all," I answered, exchanging an amused look with Darren.

After the nurse left, I told Darren I had to get going.

"Thanks, Izzy. I really do appreciate what you did."

"Sure thing. Hey, how did you get a hold of bad drugs anyway? You're not a noob."

"Well, my usual contact in Port Angeles, Nicky, is off the street. He got arrested, and this guy Riley took his place. I was stupid, but I trusted the new guy would provide good snow."

"Nicky's out?" My mouth dropped open. He was my supplier, too.

"Yeah, and I wouldn't expect him back anytime soon. He got busted big time—I'm starting to think it was a setup. Anyway, this Riley guy is kinda weird—he wears these blue tinted sunglasses, even at night, and he talks real low. He works alone, too—where did you ever hear of a drug dealer working alone on the streets of Port Angeles? He sent me flowers after I got here, then I got a call from him, and he said that the person who'd supplied him with the bad stuff had been 'taken care of'—that it would never happen again. I just don't have a good feeling about this guy, Izzy."

"Well, when you get out of here—don't go drug seeking, okay? You're going to be all right, Darren. Get your sorry ass back to school soon."

Edward was hanging out in the waiting room at the end of the hall, and he looked perturbed when I joined him. He didn't say anything about it, indicating that we should wait until we were in the car. As we left, I saw Emmett follow in his Jeep.

"That was really nice what you did back there." Edward lifted our joined hands and kissed my knuckles softly. My face reddened, and I just waved my other hand rather than answering him. "It's okay; I won't tell anyone you aren't as much of a hard nosed bitch as everyone thinks you are." A lopsided grin tugged at his perfect lips.

I snorted. "Don't get too attached to the idea of a nicer me."

"The drug dealer he was talking about...I have a feeling he might be a vampire."

"Why?" A cold shiver skittered up my spine—mostly because I thought Edward was probably right.

"The blue tinted glasses he wears even at night; he's probably trying to hide his red eyes. I want you to stay away from him."

"Don't you think we should find out if he's a vampire? I'll be able to tell pretty easy—I spotted _you_ from a mile off." I smiled cheekily.

"We'll see. It _would_ be a good idea to find out if there's a vampire selling drugs—it would give him access to a lot of easy victims—disappearances that won't come as much of a surprise." Edward looked contemplative.

When we reached my house, we went into the living room and sat next to each other on the couch, leaving Emmett to patrol outside. Edward moved close to me, taking my face between his hands. He looked down at me, his golden eyes smoldering, and my heart started to pound in my chest. There was an unmistakable _something _inside pulling me toward Edward—the way gravity held the sun and the moon orbiting the earth in harmony. When I thought about cutting him out of my life, of living each day without his gentle touch, I felt sick and empty. I knew it would be better for Edward if I was out of his life, but I was beginning to realize that I had crossed an invisible line, and I wasn't sure if I would be able to retreat in one piece. Speechless, I stared into his eyes, mesmerized as silent communication passed between us. My lips parted slightly in awe, and I was unable to look away. One of his hands moved from my cheek to rest on my chest over my wildly beating heart. "Your heart is beating so fast..." he whispered.

"Edward, what's happening between us? Do you feel it, too?" I asked, one of my hands joining his over my heart.

"Yes, of course I do, Izzy. I've been feeling it since I met you, and it keeps getting stronger." His thumb rubbed gentle circles over my cheek. My body started to tingle with electricity, my heart beat even faster, and my breathing grew shallow. Still, I was unable to look away from the golden depths of his eyes—I felt as though I could fall into them—be consumed by their molten fire.

"I-I have this connection to you...I know I should let you go, Edward..."

"Shh...no." Edward shook his head slowly, his intense gaze never leaving mine. His hand slid up my chest, over and around my neck, to nestle at the nape of my hair, pulling my head back gently. "I'll never give up on you...no matter how long it takes; I promise."

"Edward, I -"

He pressed a finger to my lips. "Don't. I know what you're going to say, and I don't make promises I don't intend to keep."

"Actually, Edward, I believe you. You've done nothing but support me and make me feel safe. It's _me_ that's the problem—I'm not good enough for you—I'm too broken and fucked up."

A small smile lit Edward's face, and his fingers massaged the back of my neck lightly. "You believe me. That's progress. Izzy, I know you have feelings for me; you can't pretend that you don't anymore."

"No, I'm not going to pretend I don't have feelings for you, Edward, because I do. It's just not enough. I can't make you any promises—I can't offer you the kind of relationship you deserve. I may never be any different than I am now, and I can't expect you to hang around hoping I'll change." Even as I said the words, the thought of Edward realizing they were true and leaving me weighed heavily on me—I could feel the impending loss of him pulling me under, and my limbs felt heavy as I finally dragged my eyes away from his. My speech was met with silence, and I figured Edward had finally taken me at my word. "It's okay, Edward; you can go. I'll let your family protect me until James is caught. I won't give anyone a hard time." I closed my eyes, waiting for the loss of Edward—the loss of his touch, his care, the crooked smile that had come to mean so much to me, the electricity that hummed through my body, the incredible sex... It was for his best, and when you cared about someone, you did what was best for them, right?

_You've fallen for him, you moron! How could you let that happen to us? It leaves us vulnerable! _My inner banshee started screaming. I ignored her as I waited for the pain—because now that I admitted to feeling something, Edward could hurt me, and that made my inner banshee right—I _was_ a moron.

"Izzy, do you want me to go?" Edward asked softly.

Keeping my eyes closed, I answered, "It's probably for the best."

"Do _you_ want me to go?" he asked with more force. "Look at me."

Slowly, I opened my eyes, which were starting to fill with tears. "No..." was all I could whisper out as a tear spilled over and rolled down my cheek.

Edward kissed it away and then placed several soft kisses on my face, leading down to my lips. When he spoke against my mouth, I felt a buzzing through my entire being. "I'm not going anywhere, Love. I'm here for the long haul—whatever that may mean. When are you going to realize how I feel about you? That I -"

"No...don't say it, Edward." I shook my head, so afraid he was about to tell me he loved me—something I didn't think I could handle along with everything else. "If you're sure you want to stick it out, I accept. Let's just take this slowly and see where it leads, okay?"

In answer, Edward's mouth met mine hungrily, his tongue pushing past my lips. He tugged on the hair at the nape of my neck, angling my head to deepen the kiss while his other hand ran down my back, pulling me in closer to his hard body. I lifted the hem of his shirt, running my hands over the planes of his cool, muscled chest. Adjusting our bodies, Edward pushed me down on the couch so he was lying on top of me, his tongue licking a trail of cold fire along the side of my neck.

"Edward..." I moaned. Even just kissing him almost sent waves of ecstasy through my body.

A sudden knock on the door interrupted our make out session. "Yo, Edward! We've got company!" Emmett called out.

We scrambled up from the couch, straightening our clothing. Edward opened the front door, letting Emmett in, who wiggled his eyebrows and winked at me. I flipped him the finger.

"Emmett, focus! What company?" Edward snapped his fingers in Emmett's face.

"Not James, but there's a motorcycle approaching...and it stinks like dog out there."

Edward stiffened, stalking over to the window to look out. I was nervous, wondering if it was Jacob or if Paul had the balls to come over here. Unfortunately, it was Paul.

Edward turned from the window, his eyes darkening. "Izzy, stay here."

"Edward, no! Let me -"

"I warned him to stay away. I want you to stay here and let me deal with Paul. If he phases, you could get hurt. Emmett, stay here with her, please."

Before I could get another word in, Edward was out the door, walking slowly down the front walk to meet Paul who had pulled up out front. Emmett grabbed my arm, probably sensing that I was about to follow Edward. "Izzy, stay put. I know you want to be out there, but you'll just distract Edward. If Paul phases, Edward will be worried about your safety, and _he_ might be the one that ends up getting hurt."

"I don't want Edward to get hurt. Stubborn, volatile creatures—and I thought _I_ had a temper," I muttered.

I needn't have worried about overhearing the conversation between Edward and Paul from inside the house, since it was quite vocal. Edward stood in the center of the walkway to my house calmly while Paul parked his bike and swaggered over, looking as cocky as ever.

"Cullen," Paul sneered.

"I thought I told you to stay away from Izzy," Edward bit out between gritted teeth.

"I don't take orders from bloodsuckers. Who the fuck do you think you are?" Paul's nostrils flared. "Where is she? Izzy! I wanna talk to you!" he shouted toward the house.

"She doesn't want to talk to you, Paul. It's over; why can't you accept it like a gentleman?"

"Fuck you, Cullen! Izzy!"

"You're causing a scene, Paul. I don't think Sam would appreciate hearing about your behavior. Does he know you're here?"

Paul spit on the ground and tried to stalk around Edward, who adjusted his stance, placing a hand on Paul's chest and pushing back. "_No_."

"Get your filthy hands off me, leech!" Paul's body began to tremble oddly.

Emmett whispered, "Izzy, this might get ugly. Stay here; _I mean it._"

Emmett slipped out the front door and cleared his throat to get Paul's attention. "Hey, man, you look like you're about to phase on Izzy's front lawn. You think that's a good idea? Believe me, she doesn't want to talk to you right now, so how about you take it easy?"

Paul stepped back a few feet, seeming to realize he was outnumbered, but he still looked extremely pissed off. "I want to hear it from _her_ mouth, not yours. Do you have her tied up in there or what?"

I stepped into the front doorway but didn't come out, as Edward and Emmett had requested—I knew what could happen to a human that got in the way when a werewolf phased. Paul stopped his restless movements as his eyes met mine, and a pleading look came over his face as he held a hand out to me. "Izzy..." he whispered.

"Paul, please don't do this. Go home." My voice was soft but firm. I could see in his eyes that his feelings for me were real, and it broke my heart to know that I had allowed it to get to this point. "This is my fault, Paul. I should have realized that your feelings for me were changing..." I faltered, not knowing what else to say.

"Damn it, Izzy! Are you telling me that you have deeper feelings for this...this bloodsucker?" Paul asked incredulously.

"I don't want to hurt you..."

"Answer me!"

"Yes, I have feelings for Edward. I'm _with_ Edward. Go home, Paul, before I call Sam and Jacob." I hardened my expression.

"Aw, fuck. How could you do this?" Paul seemed deflated, his anger dissipating.

"Paul, I'm sorry if I hurt you; I never meant to."

"Yeah, whatever. When he rips your heart out, you'll be back." Paul glared at Edward, then stalked away and kicked his motorcycle to life, taking off up the street.

I slumped against the door frame, shaking from the adrenaline shooting through my system. I felt Edward's cool hands rest gently on my shoulders, and I leaned back against his chest with a sigh. He didn't say anything; he just led me into the house and sat me on the couch, tucking me close to his body. I leaned into him, letting his mouthwatering scent swirl about me, calming me almost instantly.

"Edward, thank you for not hurting Paul. He was all for a 'no-strings' relationship, and he didn't tell me when things started to change for him—not until he was really serious about me. I think it cuts even deeper because he sees that I have real feelings for you."

Edward pulled back, giving me his most heart-stopping, crooked smile. "You have real feelings for me. I love the way that sounds. Can you say it again, please?" he whispered.

I shot him a dark look. "Don't push it, Dracula. You smile as if you've won the lottery when, in reality, you've won the booby prize—I'm no picnic."

"That's perfect because I don't eat. See? We're a match made in heaven."

"Ick! I can't stand all the enthusiasm; I'm going to be sick. I need a smoke." I rolled my eyes, heading into the kitchen to grab my purse. I lit up a cig, taking a good, strong drag and blew the smoke up toward the ceiling with a satisfied sigh.

"Are you okay?" Edward leaned in the kitchen doorway.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I just – I really need some space, Edward. I'm going to Port Angeles tonight."

"Okay, I can -"

"No. I need _space_, Edward." I looked up at the ceiling as I spoke, afraid to meet his eyes because I knew there would probably be hurt there.

"Oh. Well, who'll go with you?"

"How about Emmett -" I started.

"No way!" Edward interrupted.

I held up my hand. "And Rosalie. Surely you can't complain if Rosalie's there to keep us both in line, right?"

"I suppose," he answered tentatively with a look of consternation. "What I can't figure out is why you would subject yourself to Rosalie for the evening."

"I need Emmett's brawn for the bar I plan to go to, and Rosalie would never allow me to take him there without her; that's why. Does my plan meet your approval, _Edward_?" I shot him an annoyed look.

"Sure. Do I get a goodbye kiss?"

Putting out my cigarette, I snaked my arms up around Edward's neck. I pressed open-mouthed kisses up the side of his fragrant neck and along his jaw until I reached his plush lips. I nipped his lower lip between my own, sucking on it, which elicited a moan from Edward. His hands gripped my hips and pulled me up against the awakening bulge in his pants. Sliding my tongue between his lips, I quickly flicked it against the tip of his, teasing him. With a growl, Edward pushed me against the wall, shoving his tongue into my mouth aggressively. My panties grew wet as I felt his hard-on grinding against me.

"Oh, Izzy," he groaned, pulling back from our kiss.

"Edward, you make a good argument for me to stay home," I gasped breathlessly.

He laughed. "I'm not trying to keep you home. You go and have a good time, okay? I'll see you later." Bending his head down, he laid another steamy kiss on me, leaving me breathless again. _Damn hot vampire._

**~*oOo*~**

A few hours later, I was on the way to Port Angeles with Emmett and a sour-faced Rosalie. I had on a silky red and black v-neck, a short black skirt and black strappy 'fuck me' pumps. Rosalie looked pretty smokin' herself in a red halter top, tight black jeans and red stiletto heels. When Emmett got a look at the two of us in my living room before we left, he earned a smack in the back of the head by Rosalie when he whistled and fanned himself.

"Ow, hon! What was that for?" Emmett complained.

"As if you don't know, you Neanderthal!" Rosalie seethed. Turning her golden-eyed glare on me, she said, "Let's go if we're going to do this."

The ride to Port Angeles was...awkward. Emmett was usually a font of ribald jokes and remarks, but not when Rosalie was present. Note to self: _Do not go out on the town with Rosalie Hale._

When we arrived at my favorite little hangout, a little bar called 'The Happy Pickle,' Rosalie rolled her eyes theatrically. I remembered that vampires couldn't get drunk, and that's when I realized that Rosalie was going to be a stick-in-the-mud all night. I sighed. Well, if I couldn't get _her_ drunk, I sure as fuck was going to get _me_ drunk! I turned to Rosalie. "Listen, Rosalie, I know you don't approve of me, and you're pissed as hell that you have babysitting duty. Frankly, you aren't my first choice for a fun night out on the town either. Let's just make the best of it, okay?"

"Yeah, whatever," Rosalie muttered.

"C'mon, hon!" Emmett persuaded with a dimpled grin. "For me?"

Rosalie shot me a dirty look, then her face changed completely as her eyes rested on Emmett with great affection—it completely changed her face—and I suddenly understood how loving someone could bring out the best in people. She caressed his face gently. "For you, baby."

I rolled my eyes. "Now that we have that settled...you guys can hang out over there and leave me to my own devices, eh? I'll let you know if I need any assistance."

Swaggering over to the bar, I sat down on a stool and slapped my hand on the bar. "Hey, Johnny! I'm looking for some JD over here...and keep 'em coming."

Johnny turned around, tossing a towel over his shoulder. "Well, well, look who's back! It's great to see you, Izzy. How are you?" He busied himself preparing my drink.

"I'm good. Here to have fun and dance tonight." I smiled winningly. "Oh, and let's not forget getting snockered!" I knocked back a few drinks to get warmed up, and then I sashayed over to the jukebox to play some music. I danced by myself, having a great time. I tried to get Emmett to come over, but Rosalie just shook her head with a smirk. The two of them sat in a booth where they could see me and ordered beers to keep up appearances.

Before long, a few guys came around and started dancing with me. I was enjoying myself until one of them saw fit to start rubbing up against my ass with his hands on my hips. I whirled around with my hand palm out. "Uh, uh—hands off." He backed off, looking disappointed.

"Johnny, some more JD!" I hollered, knowing I was getting tipsy and not giving a shit. One of the guys rushed over to the bar to grab my drink and pay for it which earned him a huge smile. "Thank you!"

The liquor shot through my system, filling me with a feeling of well-being and invincibility. I forgot that Emmett and Rosalie were watching me from afar, I forgot that my life was in jeopardy, and I just started to have fun. Tom, the guy that kept me supplied with alcohol, had curly blond hair, angelic blue eyes, a really nice body—and best of all, he didn't try to grope me. Soon enough, I found myself dancing cheek to cheek with him, my arms wound around his neck and his hands on my hips. I drew the line when he leaned in for a kiss. "Sorry...I can't." I shook my head.

We continued dancing, and a friend of his, who was drunk off his ass, came up behind me and sandwiched me between them, rubbing his erection on my ass. "Hey, stop!" I tried to wriggle away, but his friend had a rough grip on my hips.

"Dude, the lady said to stop." Emmett laid a large hand on the guy's shoulder, pulling him away roughly. "Don't make me come over here again."

The jerk raised his hands in defeat and backed away slowly. "Didn't mean any harm, man. I'm going."

Tom leaned in to my ear. "Who's the gorilla?"

"He's my muscle." I smirked.

"Another drink?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely!"

Tom sauntered over to the bar to get us another round. I leaned against the jukebox to pick another song, flipping through the cards looking for something interesting. Suddenly, I felt a hand clamp down on my neck—possessively, but not hard enough to hurt me. Warm breath ghosted over my ear. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, doll?"

_Jack._

Jack's hand guided me away from the jukebox slowly, pulling me back against his chest, his lips still next to my ear. "You've been a very bad girl." His voice was dangerously calm. He turned us around so I was facing the bar where Tom was still buying our drinks. "Naughty, naughty, girl." I saw Emmett get up, but I held my hand out to stop him.

Johnny happened to look up from behind the bar, and he shook his head with a small smirk. Tom turned and headed back our way, pulling up short when he saw Jack with his hand around my neck. "Shit, Jack! I had no idea she was one of yours."

"Perfectly understandable, Tom. This one doesn't follow rules very well. Put your bill from tonight on my tab."

Tom looked at me sympathetically—probably because he knew what I was in for—and offered a small wave as he took off.

"Let's go, doll. I have a room upstairs."

"Where the fuck do you think you're going with her?" Emmett's voice came from behind us. _Shit._

"Sit, doll," Jack commanded coldly, leading me to a chair. He turned to face Emmett—who was at least a full head taller than him—without fear. "And you are?"

"Her muscle for the evening. And _you_ are?" Emmett crossed his arms over his massive chest.

"Her Dom, and she's coming with me. You're welcome to stand guard outside the door if you'd like, but nobody comes inside with us." Jack met Emmett's gaze brazenly.

Emmett looked to me. "Izzy?" I nodded my ascent. "Well, all right then. Let's go!"

Rosalie sauntered up and placed her hand on Emmett's shoulder. "Dom, huh? That's hot, isn't it, Em? Something to try out sometime..."

"Sure." Emmett grinned. "Want me to -"

"No, I meant me dominating _you_, fool. Do I look like someone who takes orders?" Rosalie scoffed.

Jack looked mildly amused but ignored our audience, holding his hand out. "Come, doll."

"Yes, Sir."

I tried not to stumble as Jack led me up to his hotel room with Emmett and Rosalie following a discreet distance behind. The hotel above the bar was hardly fancy, but it wasn't a fleabag joint either. The elevator ride was awkward since none of us said a word, yet we could see one another in the mirrored finish on the walls. I quickly cast my eyes down, as per protocol, and thought about how much trouble I was in with Jack. He caught me out dancing with a guy while drunk off my ass—behaving like a tart out in public in Port Angeles was one of Jack's big no-no's. Jack didn't like his subs out acting loose in his stomping ground, and he had a big rule about abusing the temple that is our body—well, I fucked up on _that_ one almost daily.

Once the door was shut, Jack let go of my hand and turned on me, staring me down coldly. "Just what the fuck was that, doll?"

I cast my eyes down. "Sorry, Sir."

"On your knees." Jack commanded.

I got down before him on my knees with my hands on my thighs. Jack snapped a collar around my neck, winding the strap around his fist. Staring down at the swirled burgundy and gold design on the carpet, I waited for my punishment. The silence stretching before me seemed to go on forever. Jack said nothing; he just stood in front of me, unmoving. I knew that he was waiting for me to raise my head or speak out—to make some kind of mistake.

After a while, Jack tugged up on the strap. "Stand up, doll." I stood, keeping my eyes downcast, and he led me over to the bed. "Lay down on your back."

After I lay down on the bed, Jack walked out of my line of sight for a few minutes. I wondered what he was going to do to me—I'd never been caught doing anything this bad yet. My body shivered with both trepidation and anticipation—how sick was that? I closed my eyes and waited, idly wondering what Emmett and Rosalie thought about all this (surely they could hear every word) and how Edward might feel about it if they told him.

The bed dipped down, and warm fingers stroked the hair back off my face. "What's going on, doll? Why were you behaving so flagrantly in public?"

"I'm sorry, Sir; I wasn't thinking clearly."

"Open your eyes for me."

"Yes, Sir." I looked up at the ceiling.

"You may look at me, doll." My eyes met Jack's, which I found to be surprisingly sympathetic. "I know you're going through a rough time right now, but I'm very disappointed in your behavior. Your conduct reflects on me as your Dom. This won't happen again—are we clear?"

"Yes, Sir."

"You're drunk off your ass, and you're lucky you weren't there alone. I want you to go to sleep now, doll."

I opened my mouth to protest, but I saw the warning flash in Jack's eyes—this _was_ a command as strange as it was. "Yes, Sir."

"Sleep now, sweet, sweet doll," Jack murmured, stroking my hair. It was the first time he'd shown me any outward affection, and I was confused by it.

As I drifted off to sleep, I could have sworn I heard him talking in the other room. My mind was shutting down, but I thought I heard some snatches of a phone conversation. "Found her...drunk...with me...boyscout...not to worry...asleep now..."

_Huh? Did Jack say boyscout? Nah, must be the alcohol..._

**~*oOo*~**

**A/N: Now that I've twisted you into a pretzel...tell me what you're thinking...**

**Reviewers get TEASED! **

****When I write the Edward outtake, only reviewers will receive it. I won't be posting the outtakes for this story on any fanfiction site.**

**Some announcements:**

**I will be heading up a one-shot contest over on FreeWriters and Readers with my lovely pre-readers, Keye and Sandy. We're still setting things up and working out bugs, but our first theme is going to be something I haven't seen before. So you authors out there, and those of you who need to get off your ass and give writing a try, dust off your imagination and get prepped! You'll need to be a member of the FreeWriters site in order to participate, so why not join up now? It's a terrific censorship free fanfiction site, and there are no age restrictions to join up. Here's a link (remove any ( ) and spaces) and if that doesn't work, you can find the link on my profile. Let them know Sarita referred you, and friend me when you get there!**

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	7. Chapter 7 No Ordinary Love

**A/N: Thank you all again for your patience with my slow updates. A special thanks to those of you who have encouraged me while writing my own original story and to the special angels who have taken out the time to read it and offer valuable feedback.**

**I've donated a special outtake from this story in Edward's POV and a fellow author is working on another outtake... details in the author note at the end of the chapter!**

**Thanks as always to my lovely pre-readers, Keye and Sandy, for being such awesome, supportive friends!**

**My lovely beta, Jess (jkane180), has real life stuff going on, too. She apologizes for this getting out so late, but since she's usually faster than a vampire, I think we can let her slide, don't you? I'm happy to have been blessed with such an awesome beta!**

**If you'd like to listen to the music selections for this chapter, there's a link to a mixpod player on my profile. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: **All Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Jack the Dom is my creation.**  
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**Chapter 7**

**~No Ordinary Love~**

**~*)(*~**

**PLAYLIST for this chapter:**

**For Your Entertainment ~ **_**Adam Lambert**_

**No Ordinary Love ~ **_**Sade**_

**It's All Your Fault ~ **_**Pink**_

**Lost In You ~ **_**Three Days Grace**_

**Heartbreaker ~ **_**Pink**_

**~*)(*~**

**Excerpt from: For Your Entertainment ~ **_**Adam Lambert**_

_**No escaping when I start  
Once I'm in I own your heart  
There's no way to ring the alarm  
So hold on until it's over**_

_**Oh!  
Do you know what you got into  
Can you handle what I'm 'bout to do  
'Cause it's about to get rough for you  
I'm here for your entertainment**_

_**Oh!  
I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet  
You thought an angel swept you off your feet  
But I'm about to turn up the heat  
I'm here for your entertainment **_

**~*)(*~**

**)(  
**

_**Previously...**_

_"Open your eyes for me."_

_"Yes, Sir." I looked up at the ceiling._

_"You may look at me, doll." My eyes met Jack's, which I found to be surprisingly sympathetic. "I know you're going through a rough time right now, but I'm very disappointed in your behavior. Your conduct reflects on me as your Dom. This won't happen again—are we clear?"_

_"Yes, Sir."_

_"You're drunk off your ass, and you're lucky you weren't there alone. I want you to go to sleep now, doll."_

_I opened my mouth to protest, but I saw the warning flash in Jack's eyes—this was a command, as strange as it was. "Yes, Sir."_

_"Sleep now, sweet, sweet doll," Jack murmured, stroking my hair. It was the first time he'd shown me any outward affection, and I was confused by it._

_As I drifted off to sleep, I could have sworn I heard him talking in the other room. My mind was shutting down, but I thought I heard some snatches of a phone conversation. "Found her...drunk...with me...boyscout...not to worry...asleep now..."_

_Huh? Did Jack say boyscout? Nah, must be the alcohol..._

**~*)(*~**

**)(  
**

**~*Edward*~**

Maybe some people might think I was crazy letting Izzy go off to Port Angeles without putting up a fight, but I needed her to realize that she wanted me on her own. Crowding her would only serve to alienate her. She'd made huge strides in admitting her feelings for me, but I knew it was tearing her up inside. Her relationship with me went directly against her nature, which was to suffer alone and in silence, not relying on anyone else for fear that they would be ripped from her life. Izzy had good reason to fear these things after what she'd been through, but I wanted her to realize that I was the exception. It was still too soon to tell her she was my mate; I came so close to telling her I loved her, and she'd balked—imagine the reaction to the news that I would crave her for all of eternity.

When I asked Emmett and Rosalie to take her to Port Angeles, Rosalie wasn't enthusiastic, but she'd agreed. She'd cocked an eyebrow at me. "I have to say, Edward, I'm impressed. I thought for sure you'd hold her down, kicking and screaming, rather than let her do this," she said with a grudging respect.

Of course I didn't _want_ to let Izzy go to Port Angeles, but it wasn't my decision to make; I wasn't her keeper, and she was free to do as she wished. I'd agreed to her terms, and I was well aware she'd made absolutely no promises to me; in fact, she went out of her way to let me know how screwed up she was and reiterated multiple times that she couldn't promise me anything. _Yes_, I felt possessive of her. _Yes,_ I wanted to hold her down and keep her with me. What was that famous saying? _If you love someone, set them free.._. I had to give her the space she needed to figure things out.

What I wasn't counting on tonight was Jack.

About one in the morning, I was playing the piano, trying to distract myself from thoughts of what Izzy might be doing. All evening, I had resisted the urge to go to Port Angeles to see for myself, but I had to step back and give her room to move, even if she wasn't aware of it. As long as someone was watching over her, I could rest easy, and Rosalie and Emmett were a fearsome duo.

My phone vibrated, dancing across the top of the piano, and I saw that the caller was her Dom, Jack.

"Hello?"

"Boyscout." Jack's smooth tone came over the line.

"Jack," I acknowledged.

"I'm calling about Izzy; I found her _drunk _downstairs in the bar of my hotel." Jack sounded a bit miffed.

"Where is she now?"

"With me."

"You haven't..." I drifted off, unsure what to ask. I didn't think Jack would ever _hurt_ Izzy, certainly not after I'd threatened him, and he _was_ calling me. "Is she...okay?"

"Easy, boyscout. Not to worry; Izzy's asleep now." Jack's voice softened, and he sounded almost tender toward her. Was he developing feelings for Izzy?

"Jack, what's going on here? Do you have...feelings for Izzy?"

"Listen, boyscout -"

"Please... call me Edward," I interrupted, annoyed by Jack's use of Izzy's pet name for me.

"Edward, I care about Izzy, but I don't have romantic feelings for her, no."

"So...what's this all about then?"

"I'm a Dom, and I have a reputation to uphold around here. Izzy was pissing in my pool, if you get my meaning. I can't have my subs acting like trollops around my stomping grounds; it makes a mockery of me. Look, we need to have a serious chat, Edward. Why don't you come on down here?"

"Was there anyone with her?"

"You mean the tank and his girlfriend? Yeah, they're right outside the door. He wasn't letting anyone near Izzy without an explanation." Jack let out a laugh.

"I hope he didn't scare you..." I began, although I wasn't so sure that was true. Jack was the only other man that regularly had his hands all over Izzy, and even though I understood it, I didn't like it.

"Not at all. I hope_ he_ wasn't insulted when I took charge." Jack's voice held a note of amusement.

My eyebrows shot up. Jack was brave around vampires, for a human; I had to give him that. I was well aware of the size of Emmett in comparison to Jack, and although Jack was no lightweight, even if Emmett _were_ human, he would be no match for him.

"Tell me where you are."

Jack gave me directions, and a while later, I met up with Emmett and Rosalie in the hall outside his room.

"What are you doing here, Edward?" Rosalie asked sourly. "I thought you weren't interfering."

"Jack called me," I answered. Turning to Emmett, I smirked. "It sounds like Jack has a set of brass ones. Did he really get in your face?"

Emmett grinned. "I like him, Edward! He got up in my grill and told me how it was." He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Plus, now Rosie wants to try out some of this Dom shit with me."

"Yeah, and you'll suck at it, Em! You're going to get your ass beat for opening your mouth every ten seconds." Rosalie put her hands on her hips and tried to look stern, but she had to fight back a smirk.

"You two." I shook my head with a smile. "Jack wants to talk to me." I knocked lightly on the door, aware that Izzy might still be sleeping and wondering if she was going to be pissed at me for coming here when she woke up—scratch that—wondering _how_ pissed she was going to be.

The door opened, and there stood Jack; his chest was bare except for a fine gold chain with a cross dangling from it, and he had on a faded pair of low slung bluejeans. I knew it was ridiculous, but I couldn't help but size him up as though he was my competition, even though I knew Izzy didn't have feelings for him.

"Come in, Edward." Jack inclined his head, stepping back to make room for me.

He led me into the suite where Izzy was still sleeping on the bed; she looked like an angel, hand tucked under her face, brow unlined. I looked down on her with a longing that constricted my chest.

"Edward, let's talk in the next room so we don't disturb her."

Jack turned, leading the way through the bedroom into a sitting area, and closed the door. There was a small grouping of beige leather couches and chairs surrounding a glass coffee table, and we sat at right angles to each other. An awkward silence ensued, and for the second time, I realized that Jack's mind was not an open book—he wasn't completely closed to me, like Izzy was, but his thoughts were muddled nonetheless. It was an uncomfortable feeling for me.

"Jack, what's this about? Is there something I need to know?"

Jack sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. "Yes, Edward; I can't be Izzy's Dom anymore."

"What? Well, why not?" I should have been happy at this news, but I wasn't; instead, anger started to bubble up inside me.

"Look, I took Izzy on against my better judgment because I was afraid someone else would take advantage of her. Things were working for a while, but now they're not. She can't follow my directions, and I can no longer do this." Jack shook his head.

"What are you suggesting then?"

"She needs another Dom."

"_No._" I shook my head adamantly. "There's no way that's going to happen, Jack."

"Edward, hear me out. Izzy cries during sex; this whole experience has become more distressing to her than helpful, and yet she still looks for and craves someone to dictate to her at times."

"And you think handing her off to another Dom is going to help the situation?" I leaned forward on the couch rather suddenly, nearly forgetting myself and growling at him.

Jack held his hands up in front of him. "Whoa, Edward; take it easy. What I'm trying to say is now that Izzy is in a relationship with you, perhaps you could take care of more of her needs. I think _you_ should fulfill the role of her Dom."

I let out a short laugh. "Me? I'm no Dom; I wouldn't know the first thing about it."

But when Jack looked back at me, his face was deadly serious. He waited a few moments before continuing. "Edward, you need to get in touch with your inner Dom. I sense the tendency is already there inside you—and before you laugh at me—it's part of my 'job' to read people. Tell me you've never dominated Izzy sexually, and I'll eat my hat."

"I can't say that I haven't...taken control at times. I could never hurt Izzy, Jack. I won't punish her or hurt her in any way." I shook my head, more than a little horrified at his suggestion.

"Edward, things have changed a lot. When Izzy first came to me, she needed pain play because she was trying to deny her feelings for you. Most of what we've done together since you've been back in her life is a more traditional roll of my domination over her. Everyone has different reasons why they seek out such an arrangement. Izzy is always so _in _control that she needs to be able to give that control over in a safe environment at times."

"So you're saying that Izzy comes to you to... let the pressure off herself?"

"Yes. At least that's what _was_ happening. Recently, our sessions have become painful emotionally, and that negates the whole purpose of them. Don't get me wrong, Edward; I have come to care a great deal about Izzy, and I would continue this arrangement—painful as it's become for me—if I thought it was helping her, but it's not. You see her behavior tonight? Well, that's just the beginning. She only danced with those guys—this time—but what happens when that's not enough? Soon, she'll be having one night stands with them, trying to find that release valve. It's dangerous, Edward."

My head dropped down, and I raked my hands through my hair in frustration. I thought I was so close to resolving things with Izzy, that our relationship was becoming more important to her, and here Jack was, telling me that if something wasn't done, Izzy would probably begin another string of meaningless flings with 'fuck buddies.' And what of this absurd idea Jack had about me being Izzy's Dom as well as her lover? Would I be able to switch roles, learning to do it at the right times? The bigger question was: How would Izzy respond to this idea?

"Jack... this is a bit over the top for me. I hope you understand that it's not an insult to your lifestyle, but I don't know that I would be able to go through with it, and I think Izzy will object."

"You leave Izzy to me, Edward." Jack smirked. "I'd be willing to 'train' you, and I can oversee you as a couple trying out the D/s lifestyle. You wouldn't need to be dominant all the time; this will require you to read Izzy's cues and act accordingly."

Suddenly, I had a lot more respect for Jack, and I was grateful he was willing to help us. What I wasn't sure of was me lording it over Izzy or how she might react to the news. Was her need for space related to the desire to be controlled or just to be away from me? I did know Izzy well, but would I be able to pick up on the non-verbal cues that would tell me when she needed to be snapped to attention?

"Jack, I greatly appreciate all that you're trying to do for us. I'm willing to give it a try. I don't know how good I'll be at it... but I guess we'll find out."

Jack looked over at me with a smug smirk. "I'm a great teacher, Edward." He stood up from the couch, towering over me, and snapped, "Shirt off!"

I had the sudden urge to do as he commanded, and I felt my fingers twitch toward the hem of my shirt. Blinking up at him in surprise, I wasn't sure what to say. "What?"

"You wanted to obey me, didn't you, Edward?" Jack asked in a self-satisfied voice. "I'm going to teach _you_ to do _that_. It's not just your tone of voice, but your belief in what you command, your belief in your ultimate authority, and a humongous set of balls. However, with great power comes great responsibility, and you have to know when it's appropriate to use your power over another. This could be abused in so many ways. So, are you ready for me, Edward?" Jack's brown eyes sparkled, and I suddenly wondered what his gift would be if he were a vampire because, surely, he would have one.

"Yes." I nodded my head. I couldn't deny that I was impressed with Jack, and I _did_ want to follow his command. I suspect if I'd been human, I _would_ have followed it.

"Class is in session..."

**~~*)(*~~**

**)(  
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**~*Izzy*~**

I came to consciousness slowly. The first thing I noticed was my mouth—it tasted like shit—a disgusting combination of ashtray and JD residue. _Gross._ My mind was clouded over, and at first, I had no idea what had happened. Moving my stiffened limbs cautiously, I flipped on my side, feeling an unfamiliar mattress under me—it was nothing like the soft, cushy one in my room, and it was nothing like the firm one in Edward's. I cracked open an eyelid and took in the hotel suite before me—then it all slammed home. _Jack._ This was Jack's suite above 'The Happy Pickle,' and suffice it to say that _Jack's_ pickle wasn't very happy with _me_ at the moment. Even feeling as shitty as I did, the left corner of my mouth twitched in amusement.

_You would find something amusing about this situation, you twit! _My inner banshee felt the need to chime in.

"Fuck you, bitch," I muttered.

Instead of getting up, I lay there wondering how much trouble I was in. Jack really threw me with the kindness earlier—usually I'd have a tanned hide by now, but he didn't lay a finger on me. His eyes, usually so frosty when I'd done something wrong, were gentle and caring for a few moments. I didn't know what to make of him tonight, and that was a very uncomfortable feeling for me. I liked to know what to expect when certain behaviors occurred; if I did 'A,' then he would do 'B.' It made life a little more predictable and bearable for me. I was getting used to Edward being in my life, used to the feelings he would draw out of me, but in the beginning, he threw me for quite the loop. I didn't do well with situations where I wasn't in complete control or, conversely, being controlled in a controlled manner. My arrangement with Jack worked because it was based on a mutual understanding of when and how I would be controlled—there were no hidden variables—until tonight, that was. Jack's behavior was extremely out of character. When he caught me in the bar, he behaved as I would have expected him to, but when he sat on the side of the bed and stroked my brow almost tenderly, the look in his eyes soft rather than their usual icy-cold, I knew something had changed.

Rolling off the bed quietly, I stumbled into the bathroom and brushed my teeth; Jack always kept extra toiletries in the bathroom for his girls. The taste of the minty toothpaste eradicated the taste of stale cigarettes and alcohol, and I sighed with relief. Looking briefly at my face, I saw that my eyeliner had smudged, so I dabbed my finger under the edge of the faucet and swiped the excess away. Other than that, I looked a little pale but okay.

Knowing that Jack would be unhappy with me for getting up without permission, I hurried back into the room and got back on the bed, where I tossed and turned restlessly while contemplating what punishment he might decide to mete out. I hadn't long to wait—a few minutes later, the door to Jack's private sitting room clicked open. I didn't dare look his way; I closed my eyes and tried to breath normally.

"I know you're awake, doll." Jack clipped the leather strap to my collar and tugged up gently. "Before me, on your knees; eyes down." His voice was back to its usual cool, distant tone.

I knelt on the carpet at his feet with my hands on my thighs, eyes downcast. My heart rate had already slowed significantly because I now had a task to perform—and this was exactly why I needed Jack. Forget the fact that I'd cried the last few times we had sex; the guilt over allowing anyone other than Edward access to my body was overpowering, and it told quite a truth about my feelings, too. I could no longer deny that I was falling in love with Edward, and I had no idea how I was going to deal with it.

"It's hasn't escaped my notice that our arrangement is no longer working, doll. I'm not going to go into details; you understand the issues, am I right?"

"Yes, Sir."

"In light of all this, I've come to a decision. I'm turning you over to another Dom."

"No! You can't! Please, Jack -" My mind filled with horrific images of trying to train with some other Dom, letting him put his hands on me when it was already difficult enough having Jack's hands there, and I just shut down. I completely spoke out of turn and didn't refer to him as 'Sir'—the only thing I did right was remember to remain in my submissive pose.

"Silence!" Jack's voice was frosty.

"I'm sorry, Sir," I whispered.

"You signed a contract with me, doll, and part of that contract states that it's up to me to turn you over to a more appropriate Dom if I see fit. Now, you're not obligated to continue with him, but I feel that our relationship has hit one of _my_ hard limits. I took you on despite the fact that you have some... relationship issues, but those issues have now reached beyond what I can handle. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Y-Yes, Sir." Although I tried to control it, a single tear escaped, sliding down my cheek. I snuffled, trying to suck back any further tears, completely mortified.

"I'm not doing this to hurt you or punish you. I honestly think you'll be better off in his hands. I will, of course, oversee the transition and be here to help you with whatever you need." Jack hesitated a moment before speaking again. "I'm going to bring him in now, doll."

I drew in a sharp breath—he had the other Dom here _already_?—but I refrained from speaking and continued to keep my head down.

"Please come in," Jack spoke to someone through the door of his sitting room, and before I knew it, two sets of barefoot, blue-jean clad legs were in front of me. Panic rose up inside me, and all I could think about was Edward and his expressive golden eyes. I feared I was about to throw up on their feet. _That would impress your new Dom, you twit! Toughen up! _my inner banshee snapped.

"Permission to speak, Sir?" I whispered.

"Yes, doll?"

"I – I don't think I can do this. Please give me another chance, Sir."

"Request denied. Now, I expect you to behave in a way that is befitting of one of my girls—no more ridiculous behavior. Understood?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Good girl. You may raise your eyes to greet your new master."

Trembling, I lifted my eyes slowly, taking in the strong legs before me. As I got to the lean thighs and slim hips, the body started looking familiar to me. Once my gaze reached the navel and the happy trail disappearing underneath the edge of his button flies, I nearly choked, knowing whose face I would find above the lean, sculpted chest and the long, pale neck. My inner banshee and I were on the same page for once. _Holy fuck! Your new Dom is Edward? This can't be happening._ But indeed it was happening because as I continued my path up his body, I eventually reached the angular jaw, lush pink lips and, finally, his golden honey eyes—which were filled with a mixture of compassion and resolve.

My mouth formed an 'O' of surprise, and then I started to shake. What the fuck was this going to mean for us? Did Edward have some secret life he was hiding from me? I felt trapped, and my eyes filled with tears as I started to hyperventilate.

"You may direct questions to me, doll," Jack said quietly. I suspected he picked right up on the hysteria that was bubbling to the surface inside me.

"I don't understand..." I drifted off, shaking my head as my eyes slipped closed.

I felt a light touch on my chin, and my eyes flew open to see Jack kneeling in front of me, coaxing me to lift my face to his. His eyes were commanding but compassionate. "Sweetheart, you've outgrown me. I've come to care what happens to you, and I wouldn't be suggesting this if I didn't think it would work. What we've been doing is no longer effective, or you wouldn't have been flaunting yourself tonight."

"But I didn't do anything wrong; I swear." My voice was small and desperate.

"No, not tonight, but what of tomorrow? You're headed in the wrong direction. Remember what you were like when I found you? You placed yourself in my hands; you trusted my judgment—trust me now." Jack's eyes softened as he looked down at me, and I knew he meant what he was saying. I still wondered what the hell was going on with Edward.

"Jack, you know... who he is, right?" I whispered the words even though I knew that Edward could hear me clearly.

"Of course."

"Since when is he a... Dom?" There, I'd said it.

"Since I called him here and started training him especially for you."

"Oh." _Holy fuck._

"I think it'll work out well, _if _you allow it to. I'm going to introduce you now. Stand up for me, doll." Jack reached out, tugging up gently on the leather strap.

This time it wasn't hard to keep my eyes downcast; I was scared to death to look Edward in the eye, and I wasn't sure what scared me more—the thought that he might be horrified by all this or the thought that he might take to it like a duck to water. I swallowed reflexively as I stood silently before them. Jack stepped back into place beside Edward.

"Because the two of you are already involved, there needs to be a differentiation between your usual relationship and the Dominant/submissive portion of it. This is going to take a little bit of adjustment for you both, and mistakes or misunderstandings are bound to happen. As I said, I'll be here to help guide you when necessary. You'll need to use alternate names when you enter into the D/s mode of your interaction. Edward and I discussed this, and we agreed that it should be something you can say in front of anyone you know without causing undue suspicion. Doll, you will refer to Edward as 'Mr. Cullen,' and he will call you 'Isabella.' Do you understand?"

"Yes, Sir."

"I now hand you over to your new Dom, Mr. Cullen." Jack handed the leather strap to Edward and stepped away from us. "I'm going to leave the two of you alone now. You can use my suite uninterrupted until tomorrow. Call me if you need me."

And then Jack was gone, and I was alone with Edward. My body trembled and my heart raced, but I stood still with my eyes down and waited for his command.

"Good evening, Isabella." Edward's voice was soft, and even though I'd seen him several hours ago, it felt as though I hadn't spoken to him for days. My insides seemed to calm slightly at the silken tone of his words.

"Good evening, Mr. Cullen," I replied in a whisper.

"You may look at me, Isabella."

With some trepidation, I raised my eyes to meet his. In some ways, it was the first time I was looking into his eyes. What I found there was firmness but not coldness; deep inside the golden depths was love and caring—the desire to make this work. Tears filled my own eyes, threatening to spill over, and my breath hitched.

Edward stepped forward, caressing my face with one hand. "Don't be afraid; I would never hurt you." He leaned in to kiss my cheek gently, his lips cool and soft. Pulling back, his eyes roamed over my face and down my throat to the collar secured there. His eyes darkened when they came to rest on the leather strap he held loosely in one hand. My lips parted in surprise, and I grew wet—seeing Edward turned on by the knowledge that he had control over me was a potent aphrodisiac. He slid his index finger along my cheek, down the side of my neck and across my collar bone, sending a delicious shiver through me. He traced along the plunging V of my shirt, dipping between my breasts and lingering there. His eyes met mine again, and my breath froze, heart stuttering in my chest.

Edward leaned in and kissed his way along the same path his finger had traveled, strands of his hair tickling my skin. Dropping his hold on the strap, he let it fall gently as he stepped around behind me. My body buzzed, and I felt his aura pressing against the back of me even though our bodies weren't touching. Pushing the shirt off my shoulders, his lips feathered kisses across them Edward lifted my hair aside and licked a trail up the back of my neck—_how erotic_. Wrapping an arm around the front of me, he pulled me back against the solidness of his chest, and my breathing grew heavy.

"Just relax, Isabella. Just feel my touches; don't think about them. Allow your body to take over and _experience_ instead of trying to make sense of everything," he whispered against my ear.

My body started to pulse, and he was the beacon. I completely forgot about all my concerns related to why Edward was willing to play Dom to my sub. All that existed for me in that moment, the pinpoint the world had been reduced to, was what Edward's hands and lips were doing to me.

He slid his other hand up under my shirt, palming a breast, his fingers working the nipple through the lace of my bra until it stood up in painful pleasure. I dropped my head back against his shoulder and allowed the rest of me to loosen, surrendering my body to him.

"That's my girl." His tongue ran along the rim of my ear, and I had to fight back a moan. Then his fingers dipped below the waistband of my skirt and inside my panties. When he found me wet, he groaned. "So wet for me, Isabella," he rasped, plunging his fingers into me. He played me like a violin, and within a minute, I was on the verge of an orgasm.

"May I come, Mr. Cullen?" I asked breathlessly.

"Not yet. Hold on for me a little longer, my sweet Isabella. I'll tell you when." Edward started grinding against my backside, and I could feel his hard length pressing rhythmically as he moved.

I let out a soft, "Oh!" and nearly came right then, but I fought it back in an attempt to obey.

"Mm-mm, you're doing so well. You have no idea what you do to me..." Edward's voice was ragged as his fingers continued to work me, his movements growing less controlled. He placed his lips on the back of my neck, suckling gently. I never knew the back of the neck could be so erotic before this, but I thought it might be my new favorite spot.

A long moan rumbled up Edward's throat, vibrating against the back of my neck. He pulled his lips away just long enough to rasp, "Come for me, Isabella." And then I was completely lost as my body reacted to his command, and I came unraveled beneath his fingers with his arm still wrapped firmly around me. Edward cried out against my neck as he reached his own release.

My body collapsed back against him, my legs turning to jelly. Edward's lips found the juncture where my neck meets the shoulder and placed open-mouthed kisses there, running his tongue over my skin, tasting me. "Turn your head back toward me," he whispered, his cool breath ghosting over my ear.

I tilted my head back as he'd requested, and he captured my lips with his own, kissing me hungrily. He ran his fingers up the front of my neck, gripping my jaw lightly in his large hand, and guided my head back a little further to deepen the kiss.

Edward pulled away from my mouth, whispering, "Open to me, Isabella."

I rubbed my legs together as I followed his command, and he slipped his tongue inside my mouth, dancing it against mine slowly but deeply. I couldn't ever remember being so turned on in my life; Edward's hands were possessive on my body, his tongue had full possession of my mouth, and he himself had full possession of my heart.

_He's a keeper, _my inner banshee preened. _If he would do all this for us? We can't get rid of him. Let's keep the vampire._

Somewhere deeper inside me, my inner Bella agreed, as well. She wanted out badly and knew she had a slim-to-none chance of getting past me or the banshee, but she, too, was falling in love with Edward. At least my whole self was in agreement on something for once.

"I'm going to undress you now," Edward said as he slid my skirt over my hips. Although he was capable of ripping my clothes away in seconds, he took his time, moving slowly, his fingers lingering over my skin. Removing my shoes, he knelt behind me, rolling my thigh highs and the lacy red thong I wore down my legs, and then kissed his way up the backs of them gently. I shivered with pleasure when he reached my bare ass and kissed it, too. He stood then, lifting the hem of my top with him, and I obediently raised my arms to assist him.

My shirt dropped to the floor, and then I felt Edward's nimble fingers unsnap my bra, which he allowed to fall gently off my arms. I drew in a breath as I felt his cool fingers wrap their way around my waist, continuing around to my navel. Edward pressed himself in behind me, and my body started to hum with electricity. I could feel the roughness of the denim and the hardness of the buttons on my low back, contrasted by the smooth coolness of his naked chest pressed skin on skin against me. His head dropped down to place open-mouthed kisses along the curve of my neck, and his hands pulled me in tighter against him as they moved slowly up my stomach and cupped my bare breasts, kneading them gently.

It felt so surreal to be here like this, in Jack's suite, with Edward in control of me, but I found I liked it. I was so turned on that I thought I might come on the spot if he commanded it even though he wasn't touching my pussy. It took every ounce of control I had not to moan out loud or respond to him. I allowed my head to fall back against his shoulder again, my mouth hanging slightly open.

"Who do you belong to, Isabella?" Edward's voice was low and rough.

_Oh, dear God._

"To you, Mr. Cullen," I whispered breathlessly.

Edward growled then, and I wasn't sure if I was in trouble in a good way or a bad way. "Turn to me, Isabella."

Turning in his arms, I kept my eyes down—not just because Jack had me well trained—I was afraid to see what was in Edward's eyes. His arms closed around me, and the flesh of our torsos were pressed together, fire against ice. My nipples stood to attention against the coolness of his sculpted chest, and I drew in a sharp breath borne of pure desire.

"Look at me," he demanded, not unkindly.

Steeling myself against what I might find, I lifted my head, meeting his eyes hesitantly. Edward's eyes were of the darkest obsidian... hungry and burning. My own eyes widened at the sight of them and the obvious tension in his face as he looked down at me. His gaze flicked down to my lips and back up a few times, and his sweet breath wafted over me, calming me slightly. Even if I wasn't forbidden to speak without permission, I would have been rendered speechless.

_Holy fuck! m_y inner banshee, queen of the obvious, spouted in a heated whisper. _Is he going to consume us? It sure looks like it... and it would be such an easy surrender... Death by Domward... luscious!_

His eyes roamed hungrily over my mouth, and I licked my lips unconsciously. A low growl rumbled in Edward's chest, and then his eyes were blazing into mine again. "Say it again while you're looking in my eyes. Who do you belong to?"

"To you, Mr. Cullen," I answered. But it didn't seem to be enough, and I felt the need to clarify it further. "Only to you," I whispered.

Before I could register what was happening, I found myself pinned to the bed with Edward's body on top of me, his face so close to mine we were breathing the same breath. If I thought his eyes were burning before, they were_ searing_ into me now... reaching inside me, trying to read what was written on my very soul.

"Be careful what you say," Edward growled, his hands tightening almost painfully on my wrists, which were pinned to either side of my head.

"I – I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen; did I say something wrong?"

"That depends. You are never to say something because you think it's what I want to hear; is that clear?"

"Yes. Did I answer wrong, Mr. Cullen? Who am I supposed to belong to if not you?"

"You said _only_ to me," Edward said softly. And then I saw something else behind his blazing eyes—something vulnerable—and I realized he thought I was just role playing.

"Permission to speak freely, Mr. Cullen?"

"You may."

"I meant exactly what I said—I belong only to you. I only _want_ you, Edward. I can't stand the thought of another man's hands on me anymore." My eyes filled with tears, and I hoped that laying myself on the line wasn't going to get me hurt. I realized I was lying naked beneath Edward in more ways than one, and it scared the shit out of me. My inner banshee was strangely silent, and I was all on my own here. _Lousy, good-for-nothing traitor. Pfft._

"Izzy..." Edward moaned my name, his eyes rolling back in his head as his lips moved over mine forcefully. His tongue traced, then pushed past, my lips to tangle with mine. His dark eyes bore into me, but I was no longer afraid of the hunger I saw there; I welcomed it.

"Can we just be Edward and Izzy right now?"

"Yes." Edward smiled down at me.

"I want you, Edward. Will you make love to me?" I asked tentatively, biting my lip. I felt insecure after admitting so much truth to myself and telling Edward he was the only man I wanted. It was a huge step for me.

"Oh, Izzy, I've waited so long to hear you say that..." he whispered.

"I'll never lie to you, Edward. I think I've always been straight up about my... limitations. This is really hard for me, but I – I just can't stand to have anyone else..." I trailed off, choking on the words I was trying to say.

"Shh... it's okay; you don't have to explain."

Letting one of my wrists free, he brought his hand to my face and caressed it. His lips returned to mine, and he kissed me deeply, his tongue fully exploring my mouth. Breaking away a few minutes later, he stood next to the bed and undid his button flies slowly and deliberately, watching me with hungry, onyx eyes all the while.

"God, you're so hot, Edward." I slipped a finger in my mouth and chewed on it as I watched him slide his jeans down over his slim hips. _Commando again? Ungh! Holy shit but he's got a hot body! _My inner banshee was back at it.

Edward's lips quirked up in a lopsided grin as he leaned onto the bed and stalked his way up my body, settling himself between my thighs. I could feel his rock hardness pressing into my center, and I spread my legs around his hips, inviting him in. With a groan, he grabbed a hold of my hips and sank into me. I took all of him in, thrusting up my pelvis in an effort to increase the sensation. Looking up, I watched Edward suspended over me, his angelic face tilted back in ecstasy, eyes closed. He let out a humming sound before opening his eyes, meeting my gaze with his own heated one. The intense look in his eyes caused me to question, "What is it?"

"Are you sure, Izzy?"

"About?"

"Me. That you only want me. Think carefully before you answer and remember that I'm a vampire, and we can be extremely possessive." His heavy lidded eyes came to rest on my lips, and he drew his mouth close against mine. "I don't like to share," he whispered.

_Holy shit! Just when I think he can't be any hotter... he says shit like this and looks like that..._

I reached up to stroke his face tenderly. "I mean it, Edward. I would never say it if I didn't mean it. I'm scared to death—I can't lie about that—but the last few times I was with Jack, all I did was cry. I cried because they weren't _your_ hands, _your _lips. Maybe I'm making the biggest mistake of my life, but I can't pretend anymore that you don't mean... everything."

Edward's eyes filled with even more heated passion then—more than I thought those darkened pools could possibly hold. "You don't know what it means to me to hear you say these things—how I've prayed that you could feel for me a _fraction_ of what I feel for you. Izzy, I -"

I put my fingers against his lips, hoping he wouldn't ruin the moment with the word 'love.' That was one thing I couldn't hear out loud just yet. He got me though; Edward just totally understood me, and he didn't fight me. Grabbing my hand, he brought my palm against his lips and kissed it, sending sparks shooting up my arm, and then he started to move inside me.

This time was different than all the others; I felt electricity buzzing through every fiber of my being, and I could see in Edward's eyes that he was feeling it, too. By unspoken agreement, we never uttered a word—just moans, sighs of contentment and cries of passionate intensity. Our eyes locked together, and it seemed as if we were communicating through them as our bodies came together over and over, somehow knowing instinctively how to please the other.

As I felt my orgasm approaching, I clung to Edward, digging my nails into his shoulders as best I could. By now, I knew that Edward wanted to look into my eyes as we made love, so I made an effort to lock gazes with him. His movements sped up, the sound of our bodies slapping together bringing me ever closer to the edge, and then my eyelids fluttered closed as I threw my head back and screamed his name. Every cell in my body vibrated to the tune of Edward making love to me, electricity sizzling through every sinew, nerve ending and neural pathway.

Edward growled, speeding his movements. He buried his face in my neck, latching onto my tender skin with his lips and tongue—but no teeth—and sucking hard enough that I knew it would leave a very visible mark. He never removed his mouth from my neck as he came, and I could feel the vibration of his cries against my skin.

When we both came down from the high, Edward rolled us on our sides, facing each other, our arms and legs still entangled. My heart was raging in my chest.

"My God, Edward, that was so fucking hot. You're awesome in the sack."

Edward laughed. "You're not so bad yourself, my little vixen." He kissed me again, long and slow, before pulling back to look at me. "You mean the world to me, Izzy. I would do anything for you; I hope you know that." The golden depths of his eyes captured mine.

"I do know it, Edward. The one thing I've never doubted in my life is your loyalty to me. It feels good to know I mean that much to someone. I would do anything for you, too, Edward. I know I don't always show it, but you mean more to me than anyone ever has my whole life."

Edward looked deliriously happy to hear me say that—like a little boy that just opened up a Christmas gift to find exactly what he wanted but never expected Santa to actually bring him. I couldn't help but smile back at him, and he hugged me tight.

I nestled my chin on his shoulder, hugging him back, and decided to try something out. Edward could hear even the lowest of whispers, but he couldn't read lips over his shoulder. I pressed closer to him, holding on for dear life, as I mouthed out, 'I love you.' When I said the words in my head, they felt true, and another piece of the complex puzzle that was my life fell into place. I wasn't ready to actually say the words out loud yet; I needed to allow this new feeling to roll around in my head and settle in first.

Tears filled my eyes, spilling over. Edward pulled back, kissing my tears away, a look of concern crossing his features. "What is it, love? Why are you crying?"

"I think I'm... happy, Edward."

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**A/N: A little Domward entering the picture. Death by Domward... that would be a great way to go, eh? There had to be a bridge between Izzy's growing feelings and actually getting there. She still has the need to be controlled in a safe environment, yet she can no longer stand to have anyone else's hands on her... enter Domward. It should be fun to see how these two handle it. Hehe.**

**James will be back next chapter... he hasn't forgotten these two—not by a long shot.**

**There's a HAWT new banner for this story made by the talented Julie from FreeWriters. Holy hell! Link to my photobucket album is on my profile.  
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**In other news... I've donated an outtake from this story in Edward's POV to the Fandom For Preemies cause (details on my profile). I will offer a copy of it only to **_**reviewers of this chapter**_**; everyone else will have to donate money to the cause to get a copy of the compilation. The outtake is the infamous classroom scene when Edward yanks Izzy into the room and bends her over the desk. I titled it 'Bend You Over' and it offers some before/after background on Edward's state of mind. It's HAWT if I do say so myself.**

**Jack the Dom has his own Play Room on my profile now, listed as a separate story. There is one outtake there already, and COMING SOON a hot little number written by TwilightGuru09 about Emmett and Rose utilizing Jack's services. Go put Jack on alert if you want to know when new outtakes including our favorite Dom are added. I will likely be posting some of Jack's early sessions with Izzy at some point, too...yum.**

**As always...reviewers get TEASED, and**_** this**_** time reviewers also get a special outtake from Edward...yum.**


	8. Chapter 8 Anything For You

**A/N: Hope everyone who celebrates it enjoyed their Thanksgiving! Here's a nice looong chapter for you guys. I know I promised the return of James this chapter, but my characters made other plans while I was tied up in the back room. I think you'll forgive me. Someone else decided to make his appearance instead. (Hot new banner in my story banner album—link on my profile)**

**Edward bites to my pre-readers, Keye and Sandy, for their invaluable friendship and input.**

**Thanks to my lovely beta, Jess (jkane180), who always works hard to get these chapters back fast so I can get them out to you. Mwah!**

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**Chapter 8**

**~ Anything For You ~**

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**PLAYLIST for this chapter:**

**Life Starts Now ~ **_**Three Days Grace**_

**We Die Young ~ **_**Alice in Chains**_

**Them Bones ~ **_**Alice in Chains**_

**Let It Rock ~ **_**Kevin Rudolf**_

**Surrender ~ **_**Evanescence**_

**Anything For You ~ **_**Evanescence**_

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**Excerpt from Anything For You ~ **_**Evanescence**_

_**I'd give anything to give me to you  
Can you forget the world that you thought you knew  
If you want me  
Come and find me  
Nothing's stopping you so please release me **_

_**Nothing left to make me feel anymore  
There's only you and everyday I need more  
If you want me  
Come and find me  
I'll do anything you say just tell me  
**_

_**Anything for you  
I'll become your earth and sky  
Forever never die  
I'll be everything you need  
**_

**~*Izzy*~**

The warm water sluiced over my naked body, lulling me into a relaxed state. Eyes closed, I tipped my head back, allowing the spray to rinse the shampoo from my hair, suds rolling down my body and tickling my skin. A small smile tugged at my lips as I thought about last night. At first, I thought my night was totally fucked, but Jack had helped to turn everything around with his suggestion that Edward become my Dom—an idea that just might turn out to be nothing short of brilliant.

And Edward? My God, he was_ so_ hot! A small moan escaped from between my lips as I thought about experiencing Edward in different ways—both as lover and Dom. Just thinking about him made me want him again—right here, right now—but he'd gone to get me some breakfast after leaning in and whispering that not only did I need to eat, I needed time to myself to assimilate all that had transpired last night. I smiled as I thought about how sweet Edward was, how willing he was to put me first.

_Holy shit, we're in love with Edward! _my inner banshee piped up.

We? Apparently, my inner banshee was no longer fighting against my feelings, and I wasn't sure what to think about that. I mean, I supposed it should make me happy that she wouldn't constantly be trying to sabotage my relationship with Edward, but I was suspicious of her motives. It was truly sad when you were questioning the motives of a part of _yourself,_ speaking of them as though they were a separate entity. In a way, she _was_ a separate entity; I'm not schizophrenic, but my personality_ is _somewhat fragmented from all of the trauma I've suffered.

Now that I'd started down that path, I couldn't get images of Edward out of my mind—his intense gaze, his plush mouth with its lopsided smirk, the lean, chiseled muscles... the gentleness and care he used with me, both mentally and physically. Another moan left me as I slipped my hand between my legs, finding myself so slick, wet and ready just at the memory of Edward. Unable to wait until I was with him again, I relieved my own tension, which didn't take long at all—fantasies of him were better than any aphrodisiac around.

I was visibly relaxed after my long, hot shower, and I caught myself smiling when I wiped the condensation off the mirror. A stab a fear jolted through me—I'd been let down so much and so often—could Edward be for real? Could he be good for me? Of course, my mind inevitably turned to the fact that he was a _vampire_, not a human male, and I wasn't sure how that would enter into the equation. Edward would remain forever frozen just as he was, but I would continue to grow older, subject to all the frailties and maladies of the average human. It wouldn't make any difference over the next several years, but it would eventually become an issue.

_You're thinking about spending years with Edward, _my inner banshee felt the need to point out. _Maybe he'll want to keep us... forever._

Forever? I'd never considered being a vampire before; I'd spent so much time _running_ from Edward and denying my feelings that I'd never allowed thoughts about a future to enter my mind.

"Stop this! Why must you always do this to me?" I spat at my reflection. There was never a moment of even near-happiness allowed without some inner voice fucking it up.

A few moments later, there was a light tap at the door. "Izzy? Are you all right, love?" Edward's voice wrapped around me like a warm blanket.

"Sure, fine. I'm just talking to myself—bad habit. Guess it comes from living alone or something," I muttered.

"Well, if you're sure." Edward sounded doubtful. "Breakfast is here whenever you're ready."

"Edward?" I turned to face the door.

"Yes?"

"Would you ever consider... keeping me?" I asked in a whisper, knowing he would hear me just fine. "You know... like, forever?"

There was a shocked silence on the other side of the door, and I held my breath, moving closer and reaching my hand out as though trying to touch him.

"Sweetheart, that's not something we're going to discuss through a bathroom door." Edward's voice was gentle but firm.

"Okay," I whispered. At least he hadn't said no or gotten angry with me.

A short while later, I exited the bathroom wearing a fluffy white robe, my hair still slicked back from the shower. Edward was standing over by the windows looking down at the street outside the hotel. I stopped a moment to observe him; he was achingly beautiful in his dark-wash jeans and navy cashmere sweater, the side-view of his face showcasing his strong jawline. The strands of his ginger hair poked out in every direction, yet he still appeared as though he'd just walked off the cover of GQ. He looked deeply contemplative as he stood unmoving, his head tilted slightly to the side. My heart started to beat faster, and he turned to glance at me with a crooked grin.

"Izzy." His voice was soft. "How're you feeling?"

"Great. I'm great. You?"

"Better than I've been in a long, long time." He turned to fully face me, walking over slowly and caressing my cheek. My eyes slipped closed as his fingers ghosted over my face so lightly I could barely feel them. Normally, this wouldn't phase me, but knowing that Edward could crush my skull with one hand made his gentleness all the sweeter. "Are you okay, love?"

"That's the second time you've asked me that, Edward. What's your deal?" My eyes snapped open to search his face.

"I just want to make sure you're okay about... last night." Edward looked away. That was his 'tell'—we all have one—showing his insecurity about us. It wasn't surprising he'd have concerns about me; God knows I'd yanked him around enough the past few months.

"Look at me," I requested. His golden eyes came to rest on mine, and I reached up, caressing his cool cheek with my palm. "Yes, Edward, I'm okay with it. I think we need to talk about it... but, overall, I'm happy with Jack's solution. I'm sorry I'm so fucked up that you even _need_ to do this, but I'm touched that you were willing to."

Edward smiled down at me, holding my face between his hands and pulling me in closer to his body. "I would do anything for you... be anything for you. If this is what you need right now, I'm happy to be the one to give it to you." He touched his lips to mine gently. "Anything for you; all you ever have to do is ask," he whispered, pulling back slightly, his golden eyes probing mine.

"Edward..." His name came out a mixture between a sigh and a whimper. "I don't deserve you, but I don't care any more. I want and need you in my life. Please don't hurt me."

_Where is all this wussy shit coming from? _my inner banshee shrieked at me. _You sound like the biggest loser pansy ever!_

Funny, I _felt_ like the biggest loser pansy ever saying those words to Edward. For once, I agreed with my inner banshee—I was getting soft in all the wrong places. Edward had way too much power over me now, and if he decided to up and leave me, I was so fucked. A frisson of fear shot through me, and I wondered for the millionth time if I was biting off more than I could chew by getting involved with him.

"Izzy, stop this. I can't read your mind, but I _can _read your body. I promise you I'm not going anywhere—not without you, love. I would never hurt you. Haven't I proven myself to you yet?"

"Yes, you have. I'm just afraid that you'll realize I'm not worth your time, and then -"

"Shh... no. I wish you had a stronger sense of self worth; that you could see what I see in you. I've seen you at your worst, remember? I'm still here." Edward dipped his head down, feathering kisses on my cheeks, eyes and lips. "I'll always be here," he whispered.

Tears filled my eyes. "Thank you."

Edward ran his index finger along the edge of my robe, raising goosebumps on my flesh. "You should get dressed... before I rip this off you and take you right now." A low growl rumbled in his throat.

I let out a gasp, wetness seeping between my legs as my eyes grew larger. I glanced out the window to see it was growing dark. Dark? How could that be? "Edward, it's almost dark?"

"Yes. You slept most of the day... I guess you were worn out." He smiled crookedly, his index finger still stroking my skin lightly. "I called Jack, and he gave us the rest of the day to use his room. It was sunny today anyway; not a good time for me to travel."

"Really? What happens if you go out in the sun? Would you... burn?" My mouth hung agape.

"No burning, but I do look different. Let's just say that it would cause a stir if I went out in public when the sun was out."

"What kind of stir? Can I see?"

"I'll show you sometime." He pulled me into a hug. "Go get dressed, okay?"

Once we were ready to leave, Edward knocked on the door across the hall. To my surprise, Emmett poked his head out. "Hey, man. Izzy."

"Izzy and I are heading home," Edward said.

"Okay. We're going to hang around a big longer if you don't need us for anything." Emmett wiggled his eyebrows.

I was confused; why was Emmett in this room, and why would he want to stay here? I heard the murmur of voices further in the room, and then Jack was standing next to Emmett in a pair of jeans, his chest bare.

"Izzy, Edward." Jack nodded our way. "I trust you guys had a... productive stay?"

"Um, yes. Thanks, Jack." My face colored. Edward smirked. "What are you doing here with Emmett?"

"Emmett and Rosalie were interested in some training," Jack answered matter-of-factly.

"Oh!" I was shocked, but knowing Jack the way I did, I probably shouldn't have been. His eyes sparkled as he looked down at me, and I shook my head.

Edward seemed to take it in stride. "See you two later then. Have fun."

"Oh, you know it, bro!" Emmett's booming laugh filled the hallway.

Edward and I made our way downstairs in a comfortable silence. When we reached the bar, Edward leaned in to my ear. "I'm going to get my car. Wait here for me, okay?"

"Why don't I just come with you?"

"I had to park several blocks away. It'll be much faster if I go on my own." Edward kissed me on the cheek, sitting me on a bar stool. "Don't go anywhere. If there's any trouble, or James shows up, yell out; Emmett and Rose will hear you."

"Okay."

After Edward left, I turned on my bar stool, placing my hands on the mahogany bar. Johnny strolled over, a bar towel draped over his shoulder, his blue eyes curious. "Hey, Izzy. What can I get for you?"

"Don't you ever leave here, Johnny? JD, please."

"I just came back on duty. What are _you_ still doing around? You look relatively happy, so I guess you sweet-talked your way out of trouble with Jack." He winked at me while he poured out my drink.

"Jack and I worked things out, yes." I swirled the JD around in my glass, taking a sip. Warmth spread through my insides, and I tipped my head back in pleasure. "Oh, yeah," I sighed. This was just what I needed to take the edge off before driving home with Edward. There were some questions I wanted to ask him, and liquid courage couldn't hurt.

The place was fairly empty at this early hour, and there was only one other person sitting at the opposite end of the bar—an older man who seemed to be deeply enthralled with the contents of his glass. I sauntered over to the jukebox and chose a few songs before heading back to my seat and lighting up a cigarette. I tapped my fingers on the bar along with the beat of the music as the JD coursed through my system, relaxing me further.

I sensed someone sit down on the stool next to me and rolled my eyes internally; I sincerely hoped I wasn't about to get hit on. Out of the ten or fifteen empty bar stools, this yahoo chose to sit right next to me. Deciding oblivious was the way to go, I continued tapping my fingers and sipping my drink.

There was a soft laugh next to me which caused the hair on the back of my neck to stand up. Time to face whoever it was—I just prayed it wasn't James. Sliding my eyes slowly to my right, I took in the man beside me; he was resting his back casually against the bar, a leather clad elbow leaning on its glossy, mahogany top. His head was tilted my way, and he was looking at me unabashedly, a small smile tugging at his full red lips. My heart stuck in my throat as I took in the strong jawline, short, spiky brown hair and _blue tinted sunglasses_. Holy fuck—it must be Riley, the guy Darren had told me about that Edward and I suspected was a vampire.

"You find something amusing, fuckwit?" I snapped, taking a long drag off my cigarette.

"Oooh, the little lady has quite the potty mouth." He leaned slightly away from me, holding his hands up in self defense, but the amused look never left his face. Then he practically _purred_ at me, "I like a girl that talks dirty."

"That's good, asshole, 'cause there's plenty more where that came from." I turned my head forward again, studiously ignoring him. I was pretty positive he _was _a vampire.

"I'm Riley."

"I'm taken."

"Well, _Taken_, I'm intrigued. There isn't much that interests me these days; I find this town a tad... boring." He ran a cold finger along the side of my face, brushing a lock of hair behind my ear. Leaning closer, he whispered, "Whatever your poison of choice is, I have it. Liquid, powder, pill, injection... some company for the night... a combination of those."

My eyes shot to his, but all I could see was a vague outline behind his sunglasses, and it was unnerving. I couldn't deny there was something hypnotic and sexy about him—if I didn't belong to Edward, I would surely be heading somewhere with him for the evening. An involuntary shiver ran through me, eliciting another soft laugh from Riley, who stroked his finger down my cheek again.

"What's with the sunglasses? I like to see the eyes of the person I'm speaking to." I pushed his hand away.

Riley smiled, showing a set of razor sharp teeth. "My eyes are sensitive. It's a _condition_." He seemed to find this all amusing. "If you'd like to come to my room, I'd be happy to show you my eyes."

Having had enough, I stood up, slapping enough to cover the bill and a generous tip on the bar. I noticed that Johnny appeared busy but was sneaking sidelong glances at Riley. Turning to walk away, I found myself yanked back against the front of Riley's rock hard body.

"Where do you think you're going, sweetness?" he whispered in my ear.

"Let go of me!" I spat through gritted teeth.

Riley spun me around to face him, pulling me in close. "Shh... don't cause a scene, little girl." He stroked his hand down my back, landing on my ass, which he gave a squeeze. "Mmmm... I'd like to tap that."

"Get your filthy hands off her." A warning growl came from behind me. _Edward. _ Thank God he got here before Riley tried to drag me off somewhere.

Riley's arms tightened on me, his hand roaming over my ass, an amused look on his face. "And you are?"

"Not going to tell you twice," Edward snarled, baring his teeth.

"Whoa! Okay, okay. I didn't realize she belonged to you." Riley released me suddenly, and I stumbled back into Edward, who closed his arms around me.

"She doesn't _belong_ to anyone; she's not a piece of meat!" Edward spat, his low growl vibrating against my back.

"Tomato, tomahto... let's call the whole thing off, eh?" Riley's voice was mocking, and Edward's growl deepened.

Johnny strolled over, slapping his hands down on the bar. "Riley, I thought we talked about this."

"My bad, Johnny. I'll take my bad behavior elsewhere." Riley smiled apologetically at Johnny, although I suspected it was insincere. He saluted Edward and then licked his lips lasciviously at me. "Nice to meet you, _Taken._"

Edward didn't say a word until we were in his car on the way home. His jaw was set, and he seemed really angry, but he took my hand as he started to drive.

"I can't believe that asshole!" Edward ground out between gritted teeth. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there, Izzy."

"But you _were_ there, Edward! You stopped him. I admit, I did get a little nervous and was about to call out for Emmett and Rose when you showed up." I squeezed Edward's hand. "That was Riley, the drug dealer that Darren told me about—and he _is_ a vampire."

"Yes, I noticed," Edward said dryly. "His head was also full of nasty thoughts about you; I wanted to tear it off." Edward growled low in his throat.

"Let's just forget about him, okay? Now we know who and what he is." I felt sick inside, knowing that Riley was the main connection to substances where I usually got my stuff. What would I do now? I couldn't buy from him! Knowing he was a vampire, I couldn't ask anyone else to buy for me either. Fuck!

Edward glanced over at me. "Don't worry about anything, okay? I won't let him near you."

"I know that. I was more concerned about... um, where I would get stuff if I need it." I flinched, expecting Edward to get pissed off.

"If you really need something, I'll get it for you."

"Excuse me, _what_?" I nearly choked.

A small smile played about Edward's lips, and he tightened his hand on mine. "Your safety is far more important to me than my dislike of your drug use. If it comes down to it, I would rather get it for you than have you sneak around behind my back and maybe find yourself in a bad situation."

I leaned back in the plush leather seat of Edward's Aston Martin—nice fucking car, holy shit!—speechless. Everything about Edward just made me melt inside a little more every day. Oh, I knew it was dangerous, but I was falling ever deeper.

There was silence between us for a while, our hands entwined and the soft sounds of the road rushing by hypnotically. My mind drifted a bit, and I reviewed everything that had happened over the weekend. It seemed as though a week had gone by, but it was only a few days. Tomorrow I would have to face going back to school. Being such a hard-nosed bitch could be exhausting, and since Edward had broken through my defenses, it was even more difficult to maintain—yet another thing that worried me. There was also the concern that James might return to the school or leave more presents in my locker. At least I would have Edward and the rest of the Cullens by my side...

"Izzy..." Edward's whisper came from right next to my ear, and I felt myself being lifted. Oh, shit! I must have fallen asleep, and there were so many things I'd wanted to talk to Edward about on the ride home! As he lifted me from his car, I brought my arms up around his neck, and he carried me into his house, up to his bed.

"Edward?" I mumbled. "Why are we here?"

"It's safer here—you have a whole house full of vampires to watch over you." He kissed my forehead as he lay me down, stretching out next to me.

"Is that the only reason?" I looked up at him sleepily.

"No. I want you with me... here in my bed." Edward looked away—there was that tell again—he seemed to be expecting an objection from me.

"Okay." I turned myself on my side, snuggling into his cool, hard body, and drifted back to sleep.

**+I+**

Edward and I never did get a chance to talk before school. He let me sleep, and I would have been late for my first class had it not been for Edward's creative driving skills—and I thought _I_ drove fast! _My _poor car sat unused in my garage, and I missed her terribly, although I would never allow Edward to abuse her like he did with his cars.

I had a lovingly restored 1969 Camaro—black, naturally—that Jake kept running tip-top for me. I was no slouch under the hood, but Jake took responsibility for 'Twisted Tess' a long time ago. The poor girl needed a good, long drive on the open highway. Soon; I would have to get her out soon. Jake would shit if he knew how long it had been since she was properly driven.

Edward walked me to English, caressing my cheek and leaning in to kiss me softly on the lips before heading off to his own class. My face heated slightly as I entered the room to more than a few curious stares. Even though half the school saw Edward and me making out in the cafeteria last week, I guess they didn't expect it to continue. As I took my seat, I could see Jessica wiggling in her chair like a puppy that had to pee.

"Jess, if you need to take a piss, why not just ask for a bathroom pass?" I rolled my eyes.

Ignoring my snarky remark, Jess leaned over to whisper, "So... you and Edward Cullen, huh?"

"It would appear so, unless I'm in the habit of allowing random guys to walk me to class and then kiss me."

"Dish, Iz! Come on!" Jessica poked me in the side with her elbow.

"What's the big fucking deal, Jess? He's a guy; I'm a girl..."

"No, he's not just any guy... he's _Edward freakin' Cullen_. He doesn't date, Izzy—ever. The whole school is talking about you guys."

"What? I'm sure he's dated _somebody_."

"Nope." Jess popped the 'P' with a proud smile on her face. "You're it, baby. Edward's first girlfriend in this school. By the way, it also makes you the most envied _and_ hated girl."

"As if I wasn't already hated," I muttered with a short laugh.

The teacher called class to order then, and I was relieved that I didn't have to talk to Jess anymore, but my mind continued to wander. What was this about Edward not dating? I supposed the whole vampire thing could throw a wrench in the dating scene for him. Maybe before he got involved with me he stuck to having relationships with vampires. Tanya, his ex that Rose mentioned once, sprang to mind, and I have to admit to being a bit jealous even though I didn't know a thing about her. Just knowing she might have run her fingers through Edward's hair, kissed his soft lips, felt loved and wanted by him caused nausea to fill me. Did Edward love Tanya once? Did he protect her, make love to her? An image of him gripping her by the hips and sinking into her over and over again filled my head and wouldn't stop repeating itself.

_Jealous much? _My inner banshee was never far away when I was having a bad moment. Thankfully, class was about to end, and my thoughts were interrupted by the teacher.

"Okay, class, please choose a classic off the list you were given. I'd like your reports to be written from a unique perspective; perhaps choose a character that's on the periphery, and tell us about the story from their point of view. If you have any questions, please see me after class. Thank you."

As the bell rang, Jess leaned over. "By the way, did you hear? Lauren and Ty are splitsville." Jess made a cutting motion with her hand under her chin. "Apparently, Lauren found someone _older_ that has this really hot car! He dropped her off at school this morning."

"Poor fucker. Doesn't know what he's in for," I muttered.

Jess and I looked at each other and laughed.

**+I+**

By the time I got to Spanish class, I'd heard enough whispering to last me the rest of my days. Tyler Crowley looked askance at me as we passed each other in the hall, giving me a wide berth. I thought I heard him mutter, "Crazy bitch." I smiled to myself; he certainly deserved whatever he got after he'd cheated on Lauren—as much of a skank as she is—and then tried to force me into one last fuck when I tried to break it off. I suspected he would continue to stay away from me if he wanted to play football; between my kick to his knee and Edward's threats and arm twist, I figured he was sufficiently wary.

I hadn't seen Edward the past two periods, but I was kind of happy about that since Lauren was in my Spanish class, and I was already dealing with tons of glances and snide remarks. Some of the girls that had witnessed Lauren's embarrassment in the cafeteria last week attempted to smile or say hello, so it wasn't all bad.

When I entered the classroom, there was a cluster of girls around Lauren's desk; they were giggling, oohing and ahhing. I slipped quietly into my seat at the back of the room.

"You're so lucky, Lauren!" Sarah gushed.

"He's very mature and _very _hot. He treats me like a queen—way better than that loser Tyler did. I can't believe I ever wasted my time with the little boys in _this_ school." Lauren's tone was scathing.

"What do you guys _do_?" another girl in the tangle of bent heads asked in awe.

"Everything. He doesn't care that I'm not old enough to drink; he takes me to bars, and they never question us at all. He's taking me to 'Windows on Seattle' Friday night..." Lauren's voice was full of pride.

There was a chorus of squeals from all the girls. I rolled my eyes just in time for Lauren to turn in her seat and shoot a baleful glare my way.

"Jealous, Isa_bella_?"

"Not hardly, you skank." I wanted to correct her on my name, but I knew that Edward might have to call me Isabella at school sometime—for instance, if I decided to pummel this fucking ho for mouthing off to me. _Smirk_.

"What the hell are you smiling about?" Lauren screeched.

Oops. Didn't realize the smirk went live. Then again, why not just be honest? "Actually, _skank_, I was thinking about how much fun it would be to kick the shit out of you."

I started to rise from my desk, liking the idea more and more. Lauren's eyes grew large, and I could swear she stopped breathing. Then the teacher walked in, and the bell rang. Lauren turned to look back at me, a gleam of triumph in her eyes.

"Later, babycakes," I whispered, winking at her. She shivered.

My cell vibrated in my pocket, and I pulled it out, careful to keep the teacher from seeing it. There was a text from Edward.

**Don't waste your time on her. She's not worth getting in trouble for. ~E**

How did he know? Could he _hear _what was going on in my class?

**Dude, how did you know? You're freaking me out! ~I**

**Dude? Are you seriously calling me DUDE? Alice and I have this class together... and don't forget that I'm good at seeing things through other people's eyes... ~E**

Was he saying that he _saw_ what happened through Lauren's _mind_? How far away did his gift work anyway?

**Are you fucking kidding me? Invasion of privacy! ~I**

Only a few seconds went by before his next message popped up on the screen.

**I can't believe you take the time out to put expletives in your text messages ~E**

**First IN-vasion, now E-vasion. Nice tactic, Cullen. How the hell do you send messages so FUCKING fast? ~I**

**I'll let you ponder that one out... have to be careful what I say in writing, Trash Mouth ~ E**

Ah, vampire skills.

**You don't seem to mind my dirty mouth when it's all over you... ~I**

The bell rang as I hit send, and I didn't get an immediate response. Lauren started up a conversation with the teacher, shooting me nervous looks. I smiled widely at her as I swept by. "See you later, Lauren!" I waggled my fingers.

I approached my locker with a large dose of trepidation, not knowing what I might find there. What I found was Edward leaning up against it sexily, giving me bedroom eyes.

"Oh, boyscout, you don't want to look at me like that here at school..." I tsked, shaking my head as I strolled up to him, placing my hands on his chest. I whispered, "I might pull you into a classroom and fuck you right now."

"You promise?" he asked with a crooked smile.

_Somebody's getting frisky!_ My inner banshee reared her head. By now, I knew she only came out to antagonize me or join in on some sexcapades. Freakin' coat-tail rider.

"Oh, my... am I a bad influence on you, Edward?" I leaned up and kissed him. Edward's arms closed around my body, and I felt so safe and warm even though he was cold.

"Totally." His mouth pressed harder against mine, and I felt his tongue licking at my lips. I wound my arms around his neck and sucked on his tongue, enjoying its soft sweetness.

"Guys! Guys, not a good idea." Alice appeared beside us, shaking her dark head. "You'll get caught," she whispered.

Edward glanced over at her. "But what if we -"

"Nope."

"Or -"

"Unh unh."

"Well, we could -"

"Ooh, no! That would be worse!"

Trying to follow the conversation between them was like watching a ping pong match, and I was getting dizzy. I raised a hand. "Um, excuse me? Can you two quit that shit? Edward, maybe we should discover the benefits of cuddle time, huh? I don't need any scandals right now."

Edward pulled me in tighter against his body. "As long as I'm with you, I'm happy. Thanks, Alice."

"You're welcome. By the way, Izzy, the tree is a great idea. See you later!" With a wave, Alice took off down the hall.

"You want to sit under the tree out back with me?" Edward smiled down at me.

"Yes. It's nice out, but not sunny. Is that okay with you?"

"Absolutely. Don't you want to eat something?"

"I have an apple. Let's go."

Edward and I linked hands and walked through the halls together. On our way out the doors of the school, we ran into Ricky.

"Hey, Izzy! Edward." Ricky sauntered up, smiling.

"Hi, Ricky! What's up?" I asked, reaching up to ruffle his curls.

"Hey, Ricky." Edward nodded.

"I've been missing my Häagen-Dazs partner, but other than that... not much." Ricky chucked me under the chin. "Darren's coming home in a few days. He said to thank you again for what you did."

"Meh, just one screw up looking after another," I deflected with a wave of my hand.

"Yeah, well, he really..." Ricky drifted off, his gaze following a girl that walked past us, and his interest seemed to extend a bit beyond the ordinary. She was just over five feet tall with long, dark hair that billowed into soft curls at the ends. His body turned her way as she continued down the hall, and a look of longing passed over his face.

"Um, earth to Ricky..." I waved my free hand in the air in front of his eyes.

"Oh, sorry, Izzy B! What were we saying?"

"Oh, no, you don't, Ricky! Who's the chick?" I nodded my head in the direction the girl had gone.

"What chick?"

"Don't even try it, Ricky. I saw you—you're totally smitten."

Ricky's face turned red. "Okay, okay. Her name's Lila Vaughn. She doesn't even know I exist." He shook his head, looking down.

"Yes, she does." It was Edward that spoke, shocking both of us.

"What?" My eyes grew large with warning. Didn't Edward realize he was in danger of exposing his gift?

Ricky looked up startled. "What are you talking about?"

"Ricky, I saw it when she walked past you. Her body leaned your way, and she glanced at you out of the corner of her eye. She also blushed."

"You observed all that in just a few seconds?" Ricky looked dubious.

"Chronic people watcher." Edward shrugged. Nice cover up.

"You really think she noticed _me_?"

"Yes, Ricky. Go talk to her."

"I don't know..."

I pulled my hand from Edward's, grabbing Ricky by the front of his shirt and pushing him forcefully against the lockers. "Ricky. We've talked about this before. You're ready. You're one of the most together people I've ever met. Take a chance! If you don't, I'm going to kick your ass." I glared up at him. "Oh, and I'll tell her you're crushing on her."

"You wouldn't!"

"You want to bet a pint of Häagen-Dazs on it?" I smiled wickedly.

"Okay! I'll talk to her." Ricky smiled down at me.

"Good luck, baby." I went up on tip-toe and kissed his cheek. "Call me later. I want to hear all about her."

After Ricky went off in search of Lila, we finally made it out to the tree. The day was overcast, but there was no rain expected. Thankfully, there weren't many people outside, and we would be able to enjoy relative privacy. Edward sat down with his back against the tree, and pulled me down with my back against his chest, his legs spread around my hips. I leaned my head against his shoulder, and he pulled my hair aside to place soft kisses on my neck, making goosebumps erupt on my flesh. I shivered with delight, reaching a hand back to caress his face.

"Thanks, boyscout."

"For?"

"Helping out Ricky. He's refused to get involved with anyone because of his previous issues, but I think he's just been using that as a cop-out. He's healed, and I think he's ready." I plucked a blade of grass, picking it apart absently. "So, what you told him about Lila was total bullshit, right? You read it in her mind?"

"Ricky's a great guy, and I agree with you—he's ready. When Lila walked by, I heard her thinking to herself, 'Oh, my God! There's Ricky Moretti. Oh, stop yourself, Lila! Ricky would never give you a second look.' I figured I could help them without giving my gift away easily enough."

"Thanks, Edward."

I tilted my head to the side a bit more to give him better access to my neck, and he continued to lick and suckle gently at my skin. I ran the fingers of one hand into his soft hair, moaning softly, and I could feel Edward's growing erection poking me in the low back. God, I wanted him so badly, but I also thought the anticipation would just make it better later. There was something to be said for denying oneself for a short time.

"Edward, I wanted to ask you about something," I began hesitantly. I was happy that I wasn't looking him in the eyes at this moment; I was a little nervous about having this conversation.

"Mm-mm?" Edward murmured against my neck, continuing to kiss and nip.

"Would you ever consider keeping me?" I whispered.

There was a slight hesitation before he spoke. "You make yourself sound like a pet, Izzy."

"Don't do that." I stiffened in his arms.

"I'm sorry," he apologized softly, hugging me tighter against him. "Would you even want to be like me? I can't imagine someone _choosing_ this kind of existence on purpose."

"I haven't decided for sure, but I wanted to know if there was a chance before I got my hopes up. You're never going to age, Edward, but I'm going to continue to get older. After a while, it would be awkward, you know? Unless you're not planning on sticking around that long... and then it wouldn't make a difference." I was starting to babble, so I shut my mouth.

"You're thinking pretty long-term, Izzy. I like that." I could feel his lips curve into a smile against my skin. "There are considerations we would need to take into account though. I explained to you before that when someone is changed, they remain frozen in time exactly as they are; that means whatever you look like, your attitudes and beliefs, and any issues you may have would remain. It's extremely hard for vampires to change."

"So, what the fuck does all this mean?" I snapped impatiently.

"Easy, love. Of course I'd want to have you by my side forever, but I would never ask or expect you to turn. If you stay human, I'll still be there for you, always."

"But I'd grow old..."

"I know. It wouldn't make a difference to me."

"So, changing me now—not that I want to yet—wouldn't be a wise choice?"

"Right."

"But if I worked through all my issues?"

"Then we could consider it. I don't want to influence your choice, but I'd be honored to have you by my side... forever. I've been alone for so very long." Edward's voice drifted off; he sounded sad and a little lost.

"You're so hot, Edward. Surely you've had plenty of opportunities with the ladies. Jessica told me you never date anyone at school, but what about vampires? There was Tanya, right?"

"Opportunity does not equal desire. You're the first human I've ever been involved with. We're not supposed to fraternize with humans in that way. My family is usually on the periphery at the schools we attend; we rarely forge any friendships." Edward's lips continued their exploration of my neck.

"And Tanya?" I prompted.

Edward sighed deeply. "Tanya fancied herself in love with me, and she made no secret about her desire to have me. The fact that I could read her mind just made it far worse for me. My family encouraged it; they've been trying to pair me up with someone or other for decades."

"Did you... love Tanya?" I asked in a small voice. The moment the words left my lips, I wanted to take them back. I really didn't want to know if Edward loved someone else. Jealousy washed through my veins like ice water, and again, I was glad that I couldn't see his eyes.

"No."

Relief flooded through me, and I decided not to ask if he'd loved any of the others. He wasn't with them now anyway; he was with me. I remember how uncomfortable Edward looked the first time I'd brought up Tanya though, and the remark he'd made about not being able to do what she wanted him to. There was more to the story; that much I knew. Before I got a chance to ask more questions, Alice danced up to us.

"Hey, guys. Listen, Izzy, I just want to warn you that Lauren is going to try to embarrass you in Gym today."

"You heard her plotting something?"

"No, I had a vision. When the teacher blows her whistle in three short bursts, Lauren is behind you, and Maggie is to your left; duck down to tie your shoe. That'll take care of everything." Alice put a hand up to her mouth and giggled.

"O-kay then. Three short bursts, Lauren behind and Maggie to my left. Got it!"

The warning bell rang then, so Edward and I walked hand in hand to biology. My questions would have to wait.

~*}{*~

Gym class started off interesting. In the locker room, a few of the girls that had been friendly with me last week suggested I 'watch my back' around Lauren. Obviously, Alice was right, and Lauren had plans for me. I thanked them, muttering, "It's Lauren that better watch herself."

Today, we were playing basketball. Lauren was on my team, so I didn't have to worry about her trying to knock me down during play. We were across the court from each other for most of the game, although I did catch her glaring at me hatefully a few times. I wondered what made her so brazen all of a sudden—a few weeks ago, she'd been terrified of me—then again, Edward did make a complete fucking fool of her in front of most of the student body last week when he'd snubbed her in my honor.

We played hard, and the score was ten to eleven in our favor by the end of the game. There wasn't enough time for another game, so the teacher had us take several basketballs out and practice shooting hoops.

I'd nearly forgotten about Alice's warning when Ms. Carroll blew her whistle in three short bursts.

"Okay, people! Basketballs back in the ball corral. Good job today!"

My gaze slid to the left, where I saw Maggie turning to look behind me with wide eyes. I recalled Alice's words and crouched down casually to tie my sneaker. At that moment, I heard a grunt from right behind me. Looking up, I saw a basketball whipping by where my head had just been a mere second ago. With me out of the way, the fast moving ball hit the teacher smack in the middle of her chest, since she was a good deal taller than me.

"Ooph!" The air was knocked out of her, and her eyes grew large as they landed directly on the culprit—Lauren Mallory.

There were choruses of phrases such as... 'Holy shit!' and 'Fuck!' and 'Lauren's fucked!'

I stood up, turning slowly to face Lauren, whose face was frozen in horror. I winked at her, and she balled her fists.

"Go ahead, Lauren. Make my fucking day. You're not in enough trouble, so make it a little worse, why don't you?" I snickered.

Before she could answer, Ms. Carroll got her breath back.

"LAUREN MALLORY! To the principal's office this instant!"

"But -"

"No buts. Surely you can't defend throwing a ball that hard, even if it _wasn't _supposed to be me that it hit. You were aiming for someone!"

"No, I wasn't. Really, Ms. Carroll."

"The ball corral is that way, not this way." The teacher put her hands on her hips. "I noticed Miss Black leaned down to tie her shoe... could it have been her you were aiming at? You could have really injured her! Get to Mr. Darling's office, and I'll meet you there. You're going to have quite a bit of detention, young lady—if you don't get suspended."

"Yes, Ms. Carroll." Lauren hung her head, shuffling out of the Gym.

Dead silence followed in her wake, and everyone just looked around at each other awkwardly. The bell rang, but nobody moved. Ms. Carroll sat down on the bleachers, rubbing her chest.

"Girls, before you go, I just wanted to remind you of something. Some of you might dislike each other, and that's fine—you don't have to all be friends—however, you do need to respect common decency. It's _not_ okay to harm another person. If that ball hit someone in the head, it could have caused a serious injury. If I ever see a display like this in my class again, I promise you that I'll campaign for immediate expulsion. Dismissed."

**+I+**

Edward was waiting outside the gym for me with his crooked smile. "Everything all right?"

"Just another day at the ranch." I smirked. "Remind me to send Alice some flowers. I would've had quite the headache right now."

"Alice's abilities do come in quite handy sometimes. Ready to go?"

"Where are we going? My pad or yours?"

"I'm selfish, Izzy. I want you with me all the time, so if you allow me to take over, you'll probably never see your bed again."

"Clothes and stuff?"

"Alice already packed some for you." Edward looked down sheepishly.

"Take me home with you then."

The ride home was comfortably quiet. Edward held my hand, rubbing over my knuckles lightly with his thumb. When we pulled in behind the house, I asked who was home.

"They all stayed out so we could have some time alone. I know you hate it that my family can hear everything we say."

"But James?"

"They aren't that far. They're hunting right around here; no vampires are going to slip their notice or Alice's visions." He lifted our joined hands, placing a kiss on the back of mine.

"Don't get out of the car," I instructed.

Edward looked over at me curiously, but when my hand strayed to his belt buckle, his eyes darkened. I pulled his zipper down, springing him free—did he ever wear underwear?—and he was already hard and ready for me.

"Lean back," I whispered.

Edward let the seat back, and I moved to my knees on my seat, grasping him firmly in my hand. His eyes fluttered closed, and I leaned in to swirl my tongue around the tip of his cock. A hissing sound came from Edward, and his body stiffened.

"Izzy..." he rasped breathlessly. "What are you doing?"

I didn't bother to answer him; I decided to show him instead. Licking my way up his shaft, I brought my mouth down over him slowly, taking as much of him in as I could. Since he'd never been with a human before, I didn't want to move too fast; I knew my mouth must feel extremely hot surrounding him.

"Oh, Izzy, my God..." he whispered huskily. "You don't have to do this."

Ignoring him, I started moving up and down his length, my fist gripping what couldn't fit into my mouth. I made 'mm-mm' sounds while he was in my mouth, and he bucked his hips under me.

"Please, Izzy, I don't know if I can stay in control..." Edward moaned. "I don't want to hurt you," he whispered.

I knew he wouldn't.

He tasted different than a human male; cool and sweet. The pre-cum that beaded at the tip numbed my lips and tongue a little. Swirling my tongue around, I licked at the slit and then took him all the way in again, tightening my mouth around him.

"Oh..." Edward's hips bucked again, and I could feel the strain his body was under not to be too rough and hurt me. "So good..."

I felt him get harder beneath my tongue, and I knew he was close. Just a little more...

"Izzy, you have to stop. I'm going to come, Izzy!" For the first time, I felt his hands touching me, and they were trying to push me off? "You can't swallow—the venom. I don't know what it might do to you."

I didn't want to stop though, so I kept going, figuring I could just spit it out. I wanted Edward to come in my mouth so bad.

Suddenly, my wrist was grasped in Edward's cool fingers. "Isabella, stop."

_Oh, shit. Domward._

Pulling away from the prize, I kept my eyes down. "Yes, Mr. Cullen."

Edward let out a sigh of relief, followed by a huff. He was pissed.

"Up to my room, _now. _Wait for me on your knees next to the bed." Edward's voice was coldly commanding, and I didn't hesitate to obey for a moment.

As I made my way to his room, I realized that Edward had never used that tone with me; Jack taught him well. I rubbed my legs together. _Love it when he pushes us around. Ungh!_ my inner banshee, never one to miss an opportunity, just had to throw in.

I knelt next to his bed as instructed, waiting for whatever was in store for me. Obviously, I'd pushed too far in my zeal to give my boyfriend a blow-job. We hadn't yet discussed what punishments he would be meting out when I disobeyed, but he did mention that the 'traditional' ones, such as spanking, would be inappropriate due to his strength; Edward didn't want to take a chance of causing me a serious injury. I expressed my concern that if he couldn't use traditional methods, being my Dom might not work, but Edward just smirked, assuring me that wouldn't be an issue. What did he have up his sleeve?

Time seemed to slow to a crawl as I knelt beside the bed, the carpet fibers digging painfully into my knees. Was he going to leave me here for hours waiting? Was that my punishment? There wasn't a sound throughout the house, and I was contemplating peeking out the window to see if Edward was outside when I saw his bare feet appear before me. _How did he do that? _My heart started racing in my chest as I tried not to show any outward reaction to his sudden appearance; I succeeded in suppressing all but a slight tremor.

A collar was snapped around my neck, the strap held loosely in his hand, but still, he said nothing. I remained in my submissive pose, awaiting his instructions.

"Stand up, eyes down," Edward commanded, tugging up lightly on the strap. His voice was still cold, distant. I obeyed. "I want you to listen to what I have to say. _ No talking_. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Mr. Cullen."

"Good. What you did was extremely foolish and dangerous. If I'd lost control, I could have _killed_ you. I could have broken your jaw, given you brain damage, crushed your skull..." I felt a cool hand snake around my neck, tightening slightly as he leaned in next to my ear to whisper, "...snapped your neck."

His cool lips grazed my ear, and I drew in a sharp breath. The thought of being hurt didn't really scare me, but the thought of the agony that Edward would go through if he were the one to do me harm did. I opened my mouth to speak, but a cool finger was placed over it.

"Say nothing, Isabella. You frequently ignore your own safety; you're too cocky for your own good. You're not invincible, yet you show no care for your own life. As if we aren't under the gun enough right now, you have to court more disaster by my own hand."

Edward dropped the strap, walking away, and I could just picture him jamming his long fingers through his gorgeous locks the way he tended to do when he was frustrated. I felt incredibly bad for upsetting him so much—it was never my intention—I merely wanted to give him an incredible blow-job. The thought of his venom never crossed my mind, nor did the fact that he might lose control. We had sex all the time and he never lost control, so why should he lose it while I blew him?

As if reading my mind, Edward's voice came from across the room. "I suppose you're wondering why I would lose control during a blow-job as opposed to sex. During sex we're both participating, and I mostly know what to expect. Don't think it isn't difficult for me to refrain from damaging you during sex as well, Isabella; it takes a great deal of control on my part not to break you in half. My animal tendencies, my inner beast, beg to be unleashed; your blood calls to me and my throat _burns_." In a split second, Edward was in front of me again, his hand on my throat, his voice hoarse. "Every moment I need to be aware of you and how fragile you are. If I _fucked_ you with my full strength just once, you would be no more."

My heart started to slam against my ribcage, a fluttering bird trying to escape. Edward's words both turned me on and scared me shitless all at the same time. It took all my self-control to remain silent; I wanted to apologize to him for being so thoughtless, beg on my knees to be forgiven for putting him through so much. Why did he want to go through all that agony just to be with me? I knew I didn't deserve Edward—didn't he realize it, too?

"When you were doing that to me, I was getting lost in the sensation of it—losing myself—and that allows the beast inside me to get closer to the surface. If _he_ gets out, it's all over. If I gave myself over to my orgasm, I have no idea what might have happened. Then there's the venom—we have no data on what ingested venom might do to a human." Edward's voice was harsh, but not as harsh as I deserved. He removed his hand from around my throat and held my jaw gently in one hand, resting one cheek against mine. His voice softened to a rough whisper. "If anything happened to you, it would kill me."

My body trembled beneath the weight of his words and the knowledge of what I was doing to him. And yet, it was too late to turn back; I loved Edward, and I knew that he loved me. He hadn't said it yet, but that's because I've stopped him on multiple occasions—too fucking scared to hear the words, to acknowledge the truth and all that came with it. For the moment, the cat in the box was both alive and dead, and I was trying to keep the lid on as long as I could.

His cool lips kissed my cheek and then he pulled away. "I'm going to punish you now."

Holy shit, but wasn't all this realization and guilt torture enough? But Edward had no idea of the things that were going through my mind, and I probably should just accept whatever punishment he felt was fair.

"Look at me," Edward commanded. I looked up at him and saw only coolness in his gaze; an impassiveness that sent a chill down my spine, and my eyes widened slightly. "Since I can't punish you in the usual way, I will punish you by denying you. For one hour, I'll sit in this chair and become like a statue; I won't blink, speak, move or respond to you. Do you have questions for me before we begin?"

His eyes were so remote, so cold that I was almost afraid of him for the first time.

"Mr. Cullen, I'm so sorry for what I did. I -" Edward put a finger up to stop me.

"Questions only, Isabella."

"Do I stay in a submissive pose, Mr. Cullen?"

"No. You can sit or kneel, but you _will_ keep your eyes on me at all times."

"That's how you're going to punish me? It seems too easy, too kind."

Edward laughed, but it was a harsh sound. "Let's see if you still believe that at the end of the hour, Isabella. I think you might find my punishment far harder to handle than Jack's."

"Yes, Mr. Cullen."

"We begin... now."

And then the transformation took place before my eyes... Edward turned to stone. At first, I was curious, fascinated. He didn't breathe, blink, move or twitch; his normally expressive face turned so cold and unemotional that I questioned more than once if Edward was really in there at all. He was still fiercely beautiful, but the absence of _Edward_ was so disturbing, and that feeling only continued to grow the longer that I watched him. After about ten minutes, my curiosity was sated, and I just longed to have Edward back. I touched his face, expecting him to reanimate and reprimand me, but nothing happened. His skin was like cool, smooth stone; he was unyielding, unmoving.

Fifteen minutes in, I started to panic; I couldn't elicit a response from Edward. I spoke his name, I touched him, I sat on his lap—nothing. I positioned myself in front of his open eyes, but there was no recognition in their golden depths. I tried to move his arm, to hold his hand, but I couldn't even pry his fingers up from where they rested on his thigh. I suddenly had the feeling that Edward was gone forever, that I would never see him smile at me, never see the look of desire in his eyes again.

"Edward, please! Are you in there?" I whimpered. Nothing.

I couldn't even console myself by wrapping myself around his body because it wasn't my Edward; just a hunk of stone with no feelings or warmth. There was a moment when I realized just how much he gave to me every moment of every day that I was near him—sure, I already knew he did so much for me, but until he removed himself completely, it didn't hit home.

By the time an hour had gone by, I was on the floor in a heap by his feet, quivering and shaking. When he finally reanimated—and that really was the only way to describe it—the warmth came back into his eyes, and his body moved fluidly again. Relief flooded my body, and I threw myself into his arms, which closed around me gently. The feeling of relief opened the floodgates, and tears started coursing down my cheeks.

"Edward, you were right! That was so much worse than anything Jack's ever done to me. It was horrible."

Edward's hands stroked my hair, and he shushed me. "It's okay, love. I'm here now."

I realized I broke protocol by calling him Edward. "I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen."

"No more Mr. Cullen. We're just Edward and Izzy now, okay?"

I nodded my head against his neck, where I continued to cry, and he started to rock me. Weak—I was always so weak.

"Izzy, sweetheart, do you understand why I was so upset with you earlier?"

"Yes, Edward. I'm so sorry! I had no idea it was so hard for you to be around me." My brows scrunched up, and I looked up into his eyes beseechingly. "Why do you do it? Why do you waste your time on someone like me?"

"There's no way for you to really understand unless you experience it, but you need to trust that I _do_ know when we need to use caution. I don't consider you a waste of my time, and I think deep down you know why, but you aren't ready to hear it or accept it."

What could I say to that? He was absolutely right.

"I promise from now on I'll try to follow your lead with us." My tears were drying up, and I lifted my head from where it was hidden in his neck and looked up into his beautifully animated features. "Edward, I hated your punishment. It was so hard to have you sitting right here but be unable to get a response out of you. I didn't think it was a real punishment at first, but I was so wrong." His golden eyes looked down at me with sympathy.

"I had a feeling it would be very effective. I hated every minute of it, but it was necessary; you need to know what I'll do if you step too far out of line." His hands caressed my back, and his cool lips sought out my cheek, brushing against it softly. "Punishing you hurts me, too, but it's over. I want to worship you now." His cool breath ghosted over my ear, and goosebumps rose on my skin in anticipation.

My eyes slipped closed as Edward's hands unsnapped the collar from around my neck, letting it fall to the floor. Dipping his head down, his lips feathered across my neck where it had lain against my skin, and more shivers traveled through my body, all of them eventually ending between my legs. I let my head tip back further, uncurling my body until I was reclining on his lap, and he supported my back with his arm. His other hand fondled my breasts over my clothing, continuing along the bare skin above the deep V of my neckline. When his long fingers found my neck, my pulse slamming against the thin barrier between my vein and his touch, he growled softly, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment. When he opened them, they were onyx. Leaving the pads of his fingers against the pulse in my neck and wrapping the rest of his large hand lightly around it, he leaned down to capture my lips. Electric current surged between us, and I drew in a breath, pulling in Edward's essence, which immediately made me feel drunk with desire.

"Mm-mm..." I made the sound against his lips. The fact that Edward held me by the neck, knowing he could crush it in an instant, taking my life, caused wetness to form between my legs. I could feel the evidence of _his _arousal nudge my ass as it strained against his jeans, and I ground down on it. Releasing another, deeper growl, Edward's lips moved against mine, his soft tongue coming out to taste. I parted my lips, but his tongue continued to trace along them slowly. Wanting more, I licked at his tongue, trying to draw it into my mouth, but he pulled back slightly, teasing me.

"Edward, please," I begged. The tip of his tongue darted out to touch mine, swirling around it and pulling back again. "If you keep this up, I'm going to have to punish you."

"Oh? How will you punish me?" Edward whispered.

"I'll withhold myself from you. No sex; no nothing." I set my jaw, looking up into his amused eyes.

Edward chuckled darkly, kissing along my jaw and hovering his lips over my own. "You think you can deny me? You think you can resist me? Go ahead; I'd like to see you try."

_Oh, my God. Who are you kidding? You can't fight against his allure, and why would you want to? UNCLE! UNCLE! _My inner banshee was in an aroused frenzy.

Edward's lips ghosted over my skin. "Resist me." He sucked my earlobe into his mouth. "Don't give in..." He licked a trail up my chest to my pulse point and sucked at it hard enough to leave a mark, the vibration of his moan zipping straight to my core.

_Sweet Jesus._

With his mouth still attached to my neck, he rose fluidly, heading over to his bed, where he sat down with me in his lap. I felt as though I was about to combust. He pushed back slightly, turning us so I was lying down and his body was partially on top of mine, lips still attached to my skin. When he finally took his mouth away, I whimpered from the loss.

Butterfly soft kisses replaced the suckling, peppered over my cheeks, nose, eyes and forehead. He lifted his head, looking down into my eyes as he rose up over me, heavily lidded onyx eyes smoldering. Edward's gaze traveled down to my lips hungrily, and he brought his mouth to within a hair's breadth of mine. "Deny me," he whispered.

A moan ripped out of me. "I can't." Closing the distance, I mashed my lips against his. "I don't want to." Thankfully, Edward responded to my kiss because I might have imploded otherwise. How could I think I'd ever be able to deny him access to my body? My heart? I was a fool.

My lips parted, licking at his; inviting his tongue into my mouth, which he responded to with vigor. Pinning my hands to the bed, his tongue swept into my waiting mouth, moving in and out in a motion that was unmistakably sensual, and indicative of what was about to take place between us; Edward was _tongue fucking_ my mouth. He still held himself above me, and my hips bucked up, seeking his with no success. I was desperate for some friction, but I couldn't reach his body and my hands were pinned. _Pure torture._ Just the way he'd planned it, I'm sure.

My senses were heightened from the unusual stimulation, and I felt flutters gathering in my abdomen despite the fact that I wasn't being touched between my legs. I moaned into Edward's mouth, trying to move my hands, but he wouldn't let them go. Suddenly, I felt his pelvis come down against mine, his rock-hard erection grinding into me, and it set off a powerful orgasm. I tried to cry out, but Edward continued thrusting his tongue in and out of my mouth as his hips ground against mine, and it made for an explosion that seemed to go on and on.

When I came down, I felt boneless, spent, and weak as a kitten. Edward pulled away from my swollen lips and asked softly, "Do you still want to punish me?"

"Oh, God, no. That was... holy shit, Edward. I don't even think I can move."

"You don't have to for what I have in mind."

"You mean there's more? I don't know if I can take any more."

Edward started to remove my clothes slowly—all this took place with my _clothes on?—_and I don't think I had the strength to do anything but lay there and allow it. Not that I was planning to stop him, mind you.

When I was naked before him, he rolled me onto my stomach gently, whispering in my ear, "There's more, my love."

I heard his zipper go down, the sound of his jeans rustling against the carpet softly, and then his body was covering mine. I could feel his cock pressing against my ass, and my eyes rolled into the back of my head. He ground his hips against me once and then lifted up, kneeling beside me, where he proceeded to kiss me all over, starting with my ankles and working his way up. His lips alternated between gentle and nipping as they traveled over my calves, the bend in my knee, my thighs, my ass, over my back, across my shoulders, up the back of my neck...

"What do you want, Izzy?" Edward rasped in my ear.

"Oh, God—you—I want you. Edward, love me please."

"Spread your legs for me," he whisper-moaned into my ear.

_Holy fuck._

Grabbing a pillow, he positioned it under my pelvis to raise me up slightly, and then he spread my legs a little further, positioning himself behind me. Although his body wasn't touching mine, I could feel a field of electricity pulsing over the entire length of my body. He ran a finger between my folds, spreading the slick wetness around.

"So wet..."

I was beyond speaking at that point, pushing my hips down on his finger.

"Remain still," he commanded softly.

With one hand resting next to my head, I could feel his other grip my hip as he positioned himself at my entrance, where he teased at it slowly.

"Mm-mm, Edward, _please_."

"Shh..." Edward rocked the tip of himself back and forth a few times, and I thought I might have another orgasm before he even entered me. "Who do you belong to, Izzy?"

He wasn't asking as my Dom this time, and I wasn't answering as his sub. This was just us—Edward and Izzy—and I knew he needed to hear my answer.

"I belong to you, Edward. Always."

With a low growl, he pushed his way inside me, the sensations all new. Although I had a lot of experience, I'd never had sex in this position before—I wouldn't allow myself to be so vulnerable with another. The pressure of Edward's body pressing against my ass as he moved inside me was more of a turn on than I would have expected. My mouth watered, my fingers reaching out to entwine tightly with his. His other hand continued to grip my hip, his movements speeding up.

I wanted to move around, to writhe in ecstasy, but his body had me pinned to the bed. Pushing my hair aside, he flicked his tongue against the back of my neck, and I let out a long moan. Grasping both my hands in his, he extended our arms out, fingers tangled together, his breath coming in ragged bursts. I was completely his, pinned beneath his body as he took me. A growl rumbled in his chest, and I felt his teeth scrape across my shoulder. _Was he about to bite me?_ With a shudder, he pulled away from my neck, groaning. He slowed his movements.

"Edward?"

"I'm sorry; our instinct is to bite... especially in this position." His voice sounded strained.

"Have you ever -" Tanya sprang to mind, and I felt jealous before even hearing the answer.

"No." He was quick to assure me.

"It's okay if you need to."

"God, Izzy, don't say things like that. I'm trying to gain control over myself, not lose it," Edward groaned.

After a few moments, he started moving inside me again but kept his teeth away from my neck. A part of me _wanted_ him to sink his teeth into me, but I held my tongue. The sensations started building up again, and I squirmed beneath him.

"You're everything to me, Izzy," Edward whispered after kissing his way across my left shoulder and nuzzling his lips into my ear.

"You're everything to me, Edward."

"I want your mouth."

Edward's head leaned to the side to meet mine as I craned back toward him. His lips were searing as they crashed hungrily against mine, and he thrust his tongue into my mouth. We moaned into each other as he moved faster inside me. We reached release together, our cries mingling between our joined mouths—sharing the same breath, the same feelings, becoming one.

_I love you._

**+I+**

**A/N: Forgive me for no James? He WILL be back next chapter though, really. Would love to hear your thoughts and musings on what's happening and the undercurrents of what may happen in the future.**

**I'm still offering the Edward outtake of the classroom scene to those who review this chapter; just let me know at the end of your review that you would like to receive it. (It must be a real review; no smiley faces or saying 'Great job')**

**Check out my profile for the link to my banner album which has the new Riley banner. There are also links to the FreeWriters One-Shot Contest which is accepting entries for the Musical Cues theme until December 8****th****. We need readers and authors, so come and check it out. We already have 20 entries and are expecting more to come in.**

**Reviewers get TEASED! And may get a yummy Edward outtake!**


	9. Chapter 9 You Are My Light

**A/N: Hello, my awesome readers! Hope you all enjoyed the holidays and are getting back into the groove of life... I know **_**I'm **_**trying to. I've been super busy, haven't gotten to ALL my reviews, but I think I've answered most of them. In my note at the end, I'll let you know what I'm up to and extend a special offer to entice you.**

**Mega thanks to 'The Enablers,' my own set of personal cheerleaders and pre-readers, Keye and Sandy. You guys rock!**

**A ride on the back of Jacob's bike to my beta, Jess (jkane180), who is too awesome for words. She makes me sound like I know what the hell I'm doing... seriously.**

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**Chapter 9**

**~You Are My Light~**

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**PLAYLIST for this chapter:**

**Nothing Else Matters ~ **_**Metallica**_

**Everything ~ **_**Lifehouse**_

**Two Steps Behind ~ **_**Def Leppard**_

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**~*Izzy*~**

"Ahem."

Turning over, I stuffed my face into my pillow with an unfriendly grunt.

"Ahem!" The throat clearing was a bit louder and more annoying this time.

"Edward, take care of this, would you?" I mumbled.

The annoyance wasn't going away though. The bed dipped down, but I could tell by the feel that it wasn't Edward's body, and I snapped my head up. "Who, what?"

_Alice._

Grumpily, I waved my hand at her, face-planting back into the pillow that smelled like Edward. Yum.

"Izzy, time to get up for school," Alice trilled in her sing-song voice.

"Don't sound so fucking cheery; you hear me? Is it even light out yet?" I groused.

Alice laughed. "_Yes_, it's light out. It's my job to get you to school today."

Her announcement got my attention, and I lifted my head. "Where's Edward?"

"Hunting. He'll meet us at school later."

Swinging my legs over the side of Edward's bed, I padded into the bathroom. "Holy shit!" I cried out when I got a look at the tangled mess on my head.

"Hmm... yes. You two must have had quite the night." Alice leaned in the bathroom door with raised eyebrows.

"_You_ would know. I'm going to start calling you the Pervy Pixie." I looked at her askance.

Alice crossed her arms and pouted as only Alice can; her little lip puffed out cutely. I had the urge to hug her and shove her out the door at the same time. "I have never purposely spied on you and my brother!" She tilted her head, getting a better look at my hair as I worked to tame it. "Um... are you going to do something about that haystack on your head? Surely you're not considering going to school like _that_?"

"Not to worry, Pervy. I wouldn't dream of embarrassing your sensibilities by showing up at school looking like a skank; I believe Lauren's cornered that market." I grinned, amused by my own wit. Apparently, I was the only one.

"Hmph!" was Alice's only response, but I saw a grin tugging at her lips as she turned away.

~0~

An hour later, I was freshly showered with my hair detangled and straightened into a glossy fall of silken strands—Pervy Pixie endorsed and approved. It was a bit tamer than my usual style, but I thought Edward might like it, so I was trying it on for size.

Alice, Jasper and I arrived at school a bit early. Groups of kids were hanging out in clusters around the edges and center of the parking lot, some blaring car radios while sitting on top of their cars, others talking quietly in small groupings. The Bitch Brigade was congregating in a cluster on the sidewalk, many of them in their cheerleader uniforms, laughing loudly and hanging on the footballs players that were presently in their clique.

We joined Emmett and Rosalie in the corner where the building met the steps, which had a great vantage point for observing our surroundings. I slouched against the wall and returned the greetings of several girls who passed by, addressing me tentatively. After the public dressing-down that Edward had treated Lauren to, many of the students that used to avoid me were now attempting to be friendly. It was awkward and strange for me, but I was trying to reciprocate in my way.

Jasper glanced over at me with a smug smile. "You're getting better at this, Izzy. You're much more comfortable now than you were just a few weeks ago."

"Yeah, yeah, _Emo Boy_," I grumbled. I really liked Jasper though; he was a tall drink of water with his lean body and that hot mess of honeyed curls that gave him a surfer look—of course the lack of skin tone ruined _that_ fantasy. Still, if he wasn't my de facto brother-in-law, I'd fuck him. I smirked to myself.

Jasper shot me a look. "Whatever you're thinking, Izzy, it's disturbing."

"Yeah, and? Aren't my thoughts _always_ disturbing?" My smirk widened, and Jasper just shook his head. I distracted myself by lighting a cigarette and taking a long drag; I missed Edward's presence, and I chose not to delve too deeply into what that meant. My inner banshee was uncharacteristically silent on the matter. _Bitch._

The rumble of a motorcycle could be heard in the distance, growing closer. The rider turned out to be Jacob Black, and he pulled in close to the curb with Angela on the back of his bike. He had on his usual black leather—have I mentioned how _hot_ a guy in leather on a bike can be?—and he threw an arm around Angela's shoulders, sauntering over with a nod when he saw me.

The Cullens stiffened, but Jasper smoothed it over. Rosalie still hissed, "Fucking dog," under her breath.

"Bella!" Jacob greeted me enthusiastically, ignoring Rosalie.

Glaring at him, I strolled over and blew smoke up in his smug face with his perfect white teeth all shiny and shit. "Good morning, dog."

"Ouch! That hurts." Funny, he didn't look hurt; just amused.

"You want to change_ my_ name, I'll change yours."

Angela looked back and forth between us, her hand tightening on Jacob's. "Baby, why don't you stop antagonizing her? If you want her to stop being confrontational, then maybe _you_ should show more respect." Her voice was quiet but sure.

Jacob looked down at his imprint with obvious affection. "You're right, as usual." He faced me with an apologetic look. "I'm sorry. It's hard for me because I knew you... before."

I drew in a sharp breath as Jacob's words stirred old feelings, fears and memories inside me—it felt like he'd sucker-punched me. In my peripheral vision, I could see Jasper move away from Alice, ready to assist me if necessary. We had an arrangement that he wouldn't mess with my emotions unless we agreed on it or there was an emergency, and I appreciated the fact that he respected my choice to feel. My body folded in slightly, my arm going around my middle protectively.

Shaking my head, I whispered, "Not here, Jake."

Jacob looked like a deer caught in headlights. "I'm sorry – I didn't mean to... I mean -"

"You didn't mean to _what_?" a voice snarled from behind Jacob.

_Edward._

Jacob swung around to face him. "I upset Be– Izzy, but it wasn't intentional."

Edward came into view, his eyes trained on me, and immediately, every cell in my body strained toward him; I wanted nothing more than to throw myself into his arms and let him protect me. _God, I sounded like a pussy, and I didn't even need my bitchy inner banshee to say so._ My eyes drank him in: his face was slightly flushed from hunting, the blood of whatever animals he'd feasted on coursing through him, his lips were a sinful shade of red that caused my mind to wander and my panties to grow wet, his hair was in its usual sexy disarray, and his eyes were a shade of the warmest golden honey. He wore a pair of low-slung black jeans with a whiskey colored sweater peaking out from beneath his jacket that enhanced the color of his eyes. There was something about Edward after a hunt that made me want him in the worst way.

"Whoa! Easy, Izzy. _Shit_." Jasper shook his head as though trying to throw something off.

Edward's eyes never left me. A growl rumbled in his chest, and he addressed Jacob while still looking at me. "Jacob, you need to think before you open your trap. If that's a problem for you, perhaps you need to stay away from us for a while."

"_Us?_" Jacob snapped. "Who do you think you are, Cullen?"

Still, Edward's eyes remained locked with mine. "I think I'm the man that Izzy chose to be with, and you need to respect that. I won't allow you, or anyone else, to hurt her." Edward's voice was soft, but a threat still lay within his words.

The pull to be near him was far too great. Walking around Jacob and Angela, I moved slowly toward him with our eyes still connected. He was so beautiful, standing there like a defending angel, and he was _my_ angel. I brushed my fingertips against his, and the electricity that shot through my body caused a physical tremor, the connection between our eyes smoldering as my breathing grew shallow. "Edward..." I whispered.

Edward slid a hand under my hair to rest on the back of my neck and brought his lips down against mine in a searing kiss. His mouth moved tenderly but possessively. This was not an average kiss—it let everyone within visual range know without a doubt that Edward and I belonged to each other.

Our fingers were still connected, twisting together tighter, and I slipped my free arm inside Edward's jacket, sliding it along his waist and halfway up his back, gripping his sweater in my fist. His tongue danced against mine, sending more sparks shooting through my body. There seemed to be an otherworldly bond between us; one that drew me to him without a choice in the matter. I supposed that's what love was like—you were drawn to another soul, irrevocably changed.

Edward deepened the kiss, our tongues sliding against each other smoothly, and I forgot where we were, that a world outside of his hands and lips on me even existed.

"Aw, fuck," Jacob cursed under his breath, breaking me out of my cocoon.

Edward lifted his head, pulling me in tightly, possessively, against his body. "That's right, Jacob. You need to respect it but keep it to yourself for the time being. Izzy doesn't need any more drama in her life right now." He was looking at Jacob over my head, which was buried in his sweater, so I couldn't see their faces or the look passing between them, but the tension was palpable.

Jacob sighed deeply. "Got it, Edward. You just – you just make sure you take care of her, okay?"

"Naturally. What else could possibly take priority? Would _you_ need a lecture about protecting Angela?"

"Sorry; you're right. Izzy, I'm sorry if I upset you; it was never my intention. Come down to the Res to visit me soon, okay?"

Edward loosened his hold on me, and I turned to face Jacob, giving him a small smile. "All's forgiven, you big oaf. I promise to visit you and Billy soon, okay?"

Jacob nodded, looking relieved. He bent his head to whisper to Angela, "I have to go, baby. I'll pick you up after school. Love you."

"Okay, Jake. I love you, too." Angela smiled up at him like he was the only man in the world—I guess that's how it works with imprints—and went up on tiptoe to kiss him.

After Jacob took off, Angela stood there awkwardly. "Well... I guess I should be going..."

"Angela, wait," I called out to her. "Thanks for sticking up for me. That was cool."

She smiled shyly. "Sure. Us chicks have to stick together, right? Besides, Jacob was totally out of line." Her eyes flicked to Edward for a second, then back to me. "It's obvious you two were meant for each other. He'll get over it."

Edward pulled me back against him and hugged me. "Thank you, Angela. Jacob needs a woman like you." I would lay bets that Edward was dropping one of his crooked smirks right about now.

Before Angela could respond, our attention was diverted by the sound of a racing engine and squealing tires. A sleek, sex-on-wheels red sports car pulled into the parking lot, stopping at the curb near the Bitch Brigade. I felt the rumble of Edward's growl against my back just before I saw the tall, sexy _vampire_ that leaped from the driver's side, jogging around to open the passenger door—escorting none other than Lauren Mallory from the car.

The Bitch Brigade squealed in unison.

I rolled my eyes.

Edward's growl deepened.

The vampire escorting Lauren to school was Riley.

~*}{*~

Lauren became quite the celebrity around school after _that_ display; it allowed her to overcome some of the embarrassment of having Edward turn her down in front of more than half of the student body. Word had gotten around about Lauren trying to hurt me in gym class, and many students looked at me in a kinder light, but she still reigned supreme. _Teenagers_.

Lauren got her groove back, walking the halls as though she owned them and bragging about her hot, _older_ boyfriend.

Riley drove her to school most days in that panty-dropping car of his, politely opening her door and hanging out with the Bitch Brigade before school, coffee cup in hand, and I wondered more than once if his cup was simply a prop or full of blood. He often picked her up from school as well, and any time Lauren wasn't present, he'd take time out to flirt outrageously with me, much to Edward's disgust. He behaved like a gentleman when Edward was near enough to swat him away, but he looked for moments to whisper in my ear and proposition me despite his supposed relationship with Lauren.

One day, I was leaning against the Aston Martin waiting for Edward, and Riley sauntered up.

"_Taken_, how's my girl?" Riley purred in my ear.

"Back off, fuckwit!" I snapped, leaning away from him.

"Aw, don't be like that, baby. You and I... we could have so much fun together." Riley wiggled his eyebrows before leaning in closer and whispering, "I still want to tap that. You are _fine_, girl." He grazed my ass with his hand before I realized what he was up to, and I moved away quickly. I could see Emmett leaning against a tree not far away with his arms crossed, glaring at Riley, but I shook my head, discouraging him from interfering.

"Riley, aren't you supposed to be Lauren's boy toy?"

"Nah. We're seeing each other, and she's eager to please... but I'd much rather be _your _toy, Taken."

"I have a name, you know!" I spat in irritation.

Riley let his blue-tinted glasses slide down his nose, showing me his crimson irises. He reached out to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. "I know. I need to remind myself constantly that you're not available to be mine... although it won't stop me from trying. I'm smitten with you," he whispered, his lips right next to my ear. I swallowed thickly. I wasn't tempted by him at all, although I know I would have been if not for Edward. He _was_ hot.

"Riley?" I whispered back in a breathy voice.

"Yes?"

"What would Lauren think of your behavior?"

He looked disappointed and frustrated. "I don't want to talk about her." He waved a dismissive hand in the air.

"Does she know what you are?"

Riley stiffened at that, his good-natured veneer slipping a bit. "Not answering you..." he sing-songed, but I knew I'd struck a nerve.

"How do you manage to talk to me all the time without getting caught?"

Riley showed a set of perfect white teeth. "My Spidey Sense tingles when trouble is coming."

"What's your Spidey Sense saying to you now, asshole?" Edward growled from behind him, and I smirked.

Riley smiled cheekily, turning on his heel to face Edward. "Actually, _your_ Spidey Sense should be telling you to keep your girlfriend happy lest she run off into the sunset with someone else."

Edward growled, pushing Riley up against the car. "Don't _fuck _with me. _You can't have her_."

"I think the lady has the last word on that, pal. You mind letting go of me before I lose my sense of humor? You wouldn't want to make a supernatural scene in front of the children, now would you?"

Edward glared, his hold tightening on Riley before letting him go. "She's _mine_. You'd be wise to remember it, _pal_."

Riley looked over at me, where I was trying not to look surprised at Edward's outburst of possessiveness. "Is that how you feel?"

"Yes."

"Sucks to be me then!" Riley laughed, holding his hands up in mock defeat.

Edward held the door open for me as Riley strolled back to his own car. His jaw was tight, but he didn't mention Riley on the way home.

Just before we got to the Cullen house, I put my hand on Edward's while he shifted gears. "Edward, you know I only want you, don't you?"

Edward sighed. "I _do_. I do know it. I just – sometimes I can't control my possessive nature. It's an issue on my part; I trust you, Izzy."

"That's okay, Edward. I like it when you're all growly and possessive over me. I just wanted to make sure you knew there's really no reason for it."

Edward brought our joined hands up to his lips, brushing them over my knuckles. "Thank you, love. I'm glad you're not angry over my cave man act." He shot me a crooked smile.

~*}{*~

The next few days flew by, and then it was time for Christmas break. It was hard to believe that I'd only been with Edward for a few months. The depth of my feelings for him scared me more and more. Each time we made love—and that's the only way I could describe it now—I fell deeper in love with him. I still couldn't say the words out loud, although I thought them all the time. Edward was so understanding; I knew he wanted to tell me he loved me, but he held it back.

There had been no word from James, which just left me feeling on edge. Sadistic assholes like him didn't just go away; he'd be coming after me for sure, and I was ready for him. I had a secret weapon that I hadn't even told Edward about, and if James and I came face to face, he'd be one sorry vampire.

For all intents and purposes, I was living at the Cullens' house. Even if they weren't protecting me from James, I think I'd prefer to stay with them instead of at my creaking, lonely old house. Even Rosalie managed to be decent to me most days.

On Christmas Eve, we all had a good time hanging out together, but everyone disappeared as night fell, giving Edward and me some alone time.

I owed thanks to Alice for helping me figure out what to give Edward—what _do_ you get a vampire that's been alive over a century for Christmas? When I posed that question to Alice, she told me that what Edward would want most for Christmas was for me to give him a piece of myself. She refused to elaborate on it, which frustrated me to no end, but after some contemplating, I had an idea. It was very difficult for me, but I kept an informal journal chronicling my progress and my feelings—as much as I was able to express them in my emotionally stunted state. I also did a charcoal for him. I haven't drawn anything since I was thirteen, but at the time, I was told I was talented at drawing. When I finished the drawing—a challenge since Edward was always skulking around—I was happy with the result, but it also scared me. I was in such deep trouble emotionally... I was beginning not to care. Being with Edward was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and after all the deranged shit I've been put through, surely I deserve something better.

Since everyone was out, Edward and I sat facing each other on the floor in the living room; the only light came from the twinkling bulbs on the Christmas tree. I looked up at the ten foot high tree that Emmett had pulled right out of the ground and smiled.

"What are you smiling about?" Edward asked softly, running a finger along my cheek.

"Emmett—yanking that tree right out of the ground."

"I didn't know you were impressed by that. Next year, I'll do it." He smirked at me lazily, leaning in to give me a kiss.

"You don't have to try to impress me, boyscout."

Edward put his hand on the back of my neck, pulling me closer to give me another kiss. His lips traveled over my jaw to the tender spot beneath my ear. "I want to give you your gift now, while we're alone," he whispered.

"Me, too."

"Ladies first?" he offered.

A tremor ran through me; I was nervous about my gifts for Edward, so I shook my head. "No; you first."

Edward leaned over, grabbing a box from beneath the tree, and handed it to me. When I looked up into his eyes, he looked a bit nervous himself. "This is something I had made especially for you, Izzy. It means a lot to me, and I hope it'll mean something to you."

Nervously, I pulled the glittery red paper off and lifted the lid from the box. Nestled inside was a leather cuff similar to the one Edward wore, but this one was slimmer and more feminine with the same silver crest. For a moment, I just stared at it in surprise. Edward took one of my trembling hands in his. "This has the Cullen family crest on it. We all wear something like this to remind us that we're a family."

"But I'm not... they don't see me that way." I looked away.

"You're wrong, Izzy. Everyone agreed, or I wouldn't have given this to you. As much as I would want you to wear it, it belongs to our family, and it has to be unanimous."

"Everyone? Even Rosalie?"

"Even Rosalie."

A strange feeling came over me; one that I had a difficult time putting into words. Not for the first time since meeting Edward, the emotional silt inside me started shifting and swirling around. A big part of me felt loved and accepted; a part nearly as large felt scared to death as fight-or-flight chemicals and adrenaline shot through my veins. Did I dare? Could I let Edward love me? Really let him in? Would I be able to give of myself freely with him and be what he deserved?

My mouth worked, but no words would come. I couldn't tear my eyes off the leather cuff, obviously chosen with love—because of love—sitting innocently in the gift box. I knew donning the cuff was akin to accepting that Edward loved me, that he wanted me to be a part of his family. Conversely, it would be a testament and declaration of my own feelings for him. Tentatively, I stroked my index finger across the soft, smooth black leather and then over the cool metal of the crest.

Words still wouldn't come, and Edward waited patiently as I deliberated. Finally, I put my right wrist in his hand because I couldn't speak, but I wanted him to know that, yes, I wanted to wear his beautiful gift. Edward let out a breath I hadn't realized he was holding, caressing my hand as he placed the cuff on my wrist. It felt right there; like a promise for our future.

"I – I -" My voice got jammed up in my throat, and a few tears escaped, sliding down my cheeks.

"Shh... it's okay. You don't have to say anything about it. Thank you for doing me the honor of wearing it. Consider it my promise to you that I will move heaven and earth to keep you safe... and mine." Edward lifted my hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss on the back of it.

"I... love it. It means so much to me because I know what it means to you." I threw myself at Edward, and if he wasn't a vampire, I would have knocked him down. Surprised, he closed his arms around me with a chuckle. I loved the sound of his laughter, and it reminded me that it was a rarity. "Damn it, Edward! You don't laugh nearly enough. I love hearing your laugh; it's so melodic."

"Melodic?" Pulling back, I looked into Edward's amused face, and he laughed harder. "_Melodic?_ Did I just hear_ that_ word out of Izzy Black's mouth?"

"Hey! No making fun!" I slapped his shoulder and just ended up with a sore hand. Edward tried to keep a straight face but failed miserably, letting out a snort of laughter. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my own face, pointing a finger at him. "You just totally snorted, Edward. _ That _was very graceful and vampiric of you."

Edward's face wore a look of mock-affront as he grabbed me suddenly and dragged me on his lap while leaning back against the couch. "I don't always feel vampiric, Izzy," he whispered, nuzzling his face into my hair. "In the past hundred years, I've never felt more human, nor have I ever been so glad to be a vampire."

"Um, aren't those sentiments kind of at odds with each other?" I pointed out.

"You bring out the human male in me, but as a vampire, I can protect you. I always want to keep you safe." Edward turned more serious, leaning down to capture my lips with his own. Threading my fingers into his soft hair, I kissed him back with abandon. My emotions were in a whirling frenzy, but I knew now that I couldn't leave him; my happiness was tied to Edward.

"Izzy?"

"Yes?"

"You said you had a present for me..."

"Oh, my God! You're like a little kid!" I giggled.

"I'm curious to see what it is because Alice has been singing nursery rhymes in her head for the past few weeks." Edward rolled his eyes.

"Ah... well, I hope you aren't disappointed, Edward. Your gift didn't cost me anything really..." I was suddenly really unsure of my gift.

"That doesn't matter to me. Does it come from your heart?"

"Definitely."

"Then I already love it."

Digging through the gifts at the back of the tree, where I'd hidden my things for Edward, I pulled them out. I gave him the small one first. When he opened it, he looked at the leather bound journal with a confused look. "You bought me a journal?"

"No... I started writing one. I've been writing down my feelings—at least ones I can bear to put down on paper. A piece of me for you."

"Izzy, wow. I never expected to get something like this. I'll treasure it forever." Edward hugged the journal against him.

"You might change your mind when you read some of my inner musings..." I warned with a smirk. "Oh, and it comes with a few rules."

"My gift comes with strings?" Edward asked with a smile.

"Yes. You can't read it in my presence; it's something for you to look at when you're alone. I also reserve the right to add to it whenever the mood strikes me."

"Deal." Edward looked down at the journal with longing, and his fingers twitched; he was dying to read it. "You have another gift for me?"

"Yes. I used to do charcoals when I was a kid. I haven't drawn anything since I was twelve or thirteen, so try not to judge it too harshly, okay?"

"Scout's honor." Edward held up his hand, and I couldn't help but laugh.

Dragging the covered poster-board over, I handed it to him, flinching as he tore off the paper. He stared at it for a while with his head cocked to the side. It was rare for Edward to have trouble with words, but he opened his mouth and closed it again before skimming his fingers gently over the picture.

"Is this really how you see me?" Edward's eyes lifted to meet mine.

When I sat down to draw him a picture, I wasn't sure what would come out. In the past, whenever I drew, I allowed my creativity free reign; the finished product was often as much of a surprise to me as anyone else. The night I drew Edward's present, Alice was staying with me while Edward was hunting. Alice gasped suddenly, whirling around. "Izzy, it's breathtaking!"

I held up the blank sketchpad, tapping it with my finger. "Um... it's blank, girlfriend. Lay off the psychotropics, eh?"

"I've seen it, and it's going to be magnificent."

"So, what is it?"

"No, no. This has to come from inside you."

And so, I'd set to sketching, going into my little trance and allowing my hands to roam where they might; the scratching of the paper was the only sound in the room. When I'd finished, I was in awe myself. There, come to life, was a picture of Edward bare-chested with huge angel wings sprouting from his back. One wing was completely unfurled, but the other was wrapped around a dark-haired girl, protecting her from all harm. She leaned into him, resting her head on his chest with complete trust, and you could tell from the part of her back and arm that were visible that she was naked in his embrace. Edward's face was partially in shadow, the other part shimmering with light. His expression as he looked down at the girl in his arms was an intense mix of emotions: love, protectiveness, concentration, possessiveness...

I shook off the memory, to answer Edward. "Yes, it's how I see you."

Edward studied the drawing for a long time, as if memorizing every stroke. His look was so intense, and even though he hadn't said anything yet, I could tell that he was strongly affected by it. After a while, he set it aside, holding his hand out to me. His eyes were blazing as he pulled me down so I was straddling his lap, and he took my face between his cool hands. "Thank you, Izzy. These are the best two presents I've ever received. I don't know if I can live up to this," he hesitated, gesturing at the sketch, "but I'm going to try my damnedest."

"I love my gift, too, Edward. It means so much to me. I usually hate Christmas, but this one makes up for all the others."

Edward kissed my lips softly. "I want all of them to be good from now on. I want to take care of you." His lips moved over my jaw and down my neck. "I want you to know you can always count on me." His tongue licked at the cool crescent of skin where his mark was now permanently embedded; a jolt shot straight to my core, and I couldn't hold back a moan. My hands found their way into his hair, and I pulled his head closer to my neck. His arms were wrapped around my waist, and his hands slid down to cup my ass.

"Edward..." I whispered. "I don't have any panties on."

A low growl rumbled in Edward's chest, and his hands quickly reached beneath my skirt, exploring the bare skin of my ass. One hand moved over the front of my thigh and found its way to my aching wet core, teasing lightly. "Oh, I want you, Izzy; right here."

"Yes, Edward," I whimpered, reaching between us to undo his belt. I unzipped his jeans and sprung him free, gripping his hardness in my hand.

Edward pulled his teasing fingers away, and then lifted me by the hips, settling me over his rock hard cock. A jolt shot up my spine once he was fully inside me, and I threw my head back, biting my lip. Resting my hands on his shoulders, I started to move over him, rotating my hips as he guided me up and down his shaft. I let Edward control our lovemaking, taking my cues from his hands on my hips as we moved at an ever-increasing pace. His cool lips teased at one nipple before he licked his way to the hollow at the base of my throat, swirling his tongue and kissing at the sensitive cleft, sending shivers of pleasure through me.

"Ungh, Edward, so good..." I dug my nails into the unyielding skin of his shoulders as hard as I could. Flutters ignited low in my belly, and I started to fall over the edge. "Come with me, Edward... Oh, God!"

"Izzy... yes!" Edward cried out, running his hands underneath my shirt and over my back.

"Shit, Edward; that felt so good," I said breathlessly, still holding his rock hardness inside me. Our lips met in a soft kisses.

I was about to suggest a rematch when there was a bumping sound on the front porch. About the same time, Edward's phone buzzed, and he stiffened, nostrils flaring. "Izzy, get up." Edward lifted me off his lap, zipping his pants and flipping his phone open. "Alice, what's going on?"

After listening for a few minutes, he snapped the phone closed. Turning to me, Edward took me in his arms, his lips brushing against my hair. "Izzy, James left a box on our porch."

Stiffening in his arms, I held tighter to Edward. "Oh, my God! Is he still here_?"_

"No. He's gone, and the others will be here any minute." He stroked my hair comfortingly, swaying us slightly back and forth. "Izzy, I don't want you to open the box he left. Let me take care of it?"

"Why? It's something really awful, isn't it?"

"It's Christmas, Izzy, and we're so happy. Don't let James ruin it."

"You have to tell me what's in the box, Edward. You know I don't hide from shit."

Before we could finish our conversation, the front door opened, and the some of the Cullens filed into the living room. Alice appeared first, a look passing between her and Edward. Jasper followed, folding himself onto the couch and remaining silent. Emmett carried a medium-sized box wrapped in Christmas paper.

"Holy shit, James is a sick son of a bitch! Who would give someone a skinned cat for God's sake?" Emmett shook his head.

"Emmett!" Edward snapped, pulling me in tighter.

"Wait, what? A skinned cat? What the fuck?"

"That's not all, he also -" Emmett started but halted when Edward growled at him.

"Izzy, please," Edward pleaded with me. "You don't want to see the inside of that box."

I glared up at him, trying to control the tremors that were running through me. "Edward, if you don't want me to _look_ in the box then you need to be completely honest about what's in it. I want to know all of it."

"He skinned a cat and put it in the box with a Photoshopped picture of James holding your body in his arms." Edward snarled before continuing. "He wrote on a note card that you're a hellcat, but in the end, he'll succeed at 'taming the pussy' even if he has to skin her alive to do it."

"Jesus Christ, Edward!"

"Izzy, I won't let him near you. You have to trust me to protect you."

"I do, Edward; I do. He's just so sick."

Deep inside, I was scared to death that James would find a way to get to Edward. It wasn't really me that I was frightened for; nothing would hurt me more than if something happened to my Edward. I trembled at the thought of how empty my life would be without him, and I knew I would do anything to prevent that, even if it meant sacrificing myself.

* * *

**~*}{*~**

**A/N: Now for the news... there is another half to this chapter from EPOV that I'm currently working on. I didn't want to make you wait any longer, and it was getting long, so I decided to release this first. The other chapter should be out in a week or so if all goes well.**

**If you're dying for just a little more of Edward and Izzy, (5000 words worth!) you can go read my **_**'Squeeze My Lemon'**_** piece. I was the featured author this week, and I wrote an outtake that will go along with the next chapter. So... those who read will get a little peekaboo into what's going to happen. Those who take the time to leave me some love after reading my outtake will get an exclusive early preview from EPOV. Here's the link (remove spaces) or you can go to my profile for the link:**

**h t t ****p : /**** /www . Fanfiction . net/s/6448546/11/**

**I've also written an entry for the Pick a Pic challenge called 'Broken Windows,' which is on my profile. Voting ends after today, so if you care to check out the entries (or already have) and want to vote, time is running out. Thank you to all of you who have already read and reviewed my twisted version of Twilight... it will be continuing for a few chapters after the contest! To check out entries and vote:**

**h t t p :/ / www . Fanfiction-challenges . Blogspot . Com/**

**I'm working on an AH piece for the Fandom Against Domestic Violence, and I'm also working on a collab with wmr1601 for Foxy Fics, which is a Fandom Gives Back fundraiser for Parkinson's research. Info and link on my profile.**

**You can also follow me on my new blog (a work in progress) which will include the most up to date info on my activities in the fandom (it's not a place for me to just yap, so you'll probably get no more than 2-3 messages on a busy week) and will have exclusive tidbits, pictures, teasers and offers **_**before**_** they are offered anywhere else.**

**h t t p : / / saritadreaming . Wordpress . Com**

**Thank you if you got all the way to the end of this. Reviewers will receive a teaser for the next chapter!**


	10. Chapter 10 Breathe Me

**A/N: Here we go... strap in, kiddies. This chapter is sure to twist you and turn you. There's something for everyone in this one. Sit back, relax, get your stress ball and your tissue box. Ready, set... go.**

**Thanks to my pre-readers, Keye and Sandy, for their awesome help, support and friendship. This chapter they both helped with the musical inspirations. You guys are the best!**

**Props to my awesome beta, Jess (jkane180), for always helping me improve my writing and making me sound better. I still don't know how she fits in all that she does. Best beta ever.**

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**Chapter 10**

**~Breathe Me~**

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**PLAYLIST for this chapter:**

**Possession (Jon Fryer Mix) ~ Sarah McLachlan – **this is a grungier version of Possession with some awesome guitar riffs.

**Can't Lose You ~ Type O Negative**

**Your Hand in Mine ~ Explosions in the Sky**

**Breathe Me ~ Sia**

**Time of Dying ~ Three Days Grace**

**In the Arms of the Angel ~ Sarah McLachlan and Josh Groban**

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**~*Edward*~**

When considering what to give Izzy for Christmas, I deliberated long and hard. It's in my nature to over-think everything, but, in this case, I felt it was warranted. Different aspects of me were at war within myself: the rational part of me that knew I needed to take things slowly with Izzy, fully aware that they were going extremely well under the circumstances; and the unreasonable, possessive, vampire part of me that wanted to claim his mate immediately. I was having increasing difficulty dealing with my vampiric nature, and I suspected becoming Izzy's Dom had a lot to do with it—vampires are naturally possessive over their mates, and the characteristics of a Dom fit nicely with my instinctual urges. I had agreed to be patient, to be what Izzy needed, but, at this point, if Izzy was with another man, I feared I would completely lose it.

I contemplated telling her she was my mate, but Alice shook her dark head. "She's not ready, Edward. You've come so far; don't rush it."

My thoughts strayed to gifts that might show her what I was feeling without requiring discussion of a firm commitment. I tossed out several ideas, rubbing a finger over my leather cuff as I sat in contemplation, and that's when the idea of having a leather cuff made for Izzy struck me. I needed to discuss it with my family first, but it proved to be a short discussion—they all agreed that I was the happiest they'd ever seen me, and they wanted what was best for me. Even Rosalie grudgingly admitted that, since Izzy was my mate, there was really no discussion to have—she was a member of the family now. I found her admission rather surprising, but I wasn't about to look a gift-horse in the mouth, considering that the giving of the Cullen Crest that was so precious to us all had to be a unanimous decision.

Izzy's reaction to my gift was more than I could have hoped for. Although she had trouble speaking at first, I could tell it was because she was putting the pieces together, that she understood that this was a serious commitment without having to say the words. My beautiful girl pulled herself together like a champ.

I can't adequately describe the feelings that Izzy's gifts brought up inside me. To be handed a journal with some of her private thoughts was amazing. I wasn't surprised when she informed me I wasn't allowed to read it in her presence; Izzy had a hard time articulating her feelings, and I imagine it would be uncomfortable for her to watch someone digesting them in front of her.

The charcoal she'd made for me was beautiful, and I was honored that she saw and accepted me as her protector. The drawing showed me that, on some level, Izzy knew she was my mate. I would move heaven and earth to live up to being her protector, lover and mate. Every time I touched her or made love to her, it became harder not to tell her everything, not to claim her as mine properly. Then there was the matter of changing her; Izzy wasn't ready to be turned yet. She had a lot of issues and trauma to work through before she could hope for a decent existence as a vampire. I no longer felt guilty about wanting her to be mine forever; call me selfish, but I wanted her with me, beside me, for eternity.

Making love to her in the living room beneath the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree was incredibly special to me. Izzy was becoming freer with her feelings, agreeing to make love with me almost all the time now.

I wanted to kick myself for allowing my instincts to be overwhelmed with mating; it was the only time James had a chance of sneaking up on me, and somehow he knew it. I doubted he was lucky enough to catch me in a compromising position twice.

Izzy was riding me hard, and I felt myself going under as she cried out, "Come with me, Edward... Oh, God!" A tide of sensations washed over me, and I allowed myself to be carried away as my seed pumped into her hot core.

"Izzy... yes!" I moaned, my hands all over her. The aftershocks continued as her walls quivered around my twitching hardness, and I could have stayed inside her heat forever...

But then I smelled him. _ James._

It all happened quickly then. There was a thump as he dropped the box to the porch... his memories of choosing and preparing the contents caused my stomach to clench. My phone vibrated, and I pulled Izzy up off my lap as I zipped my pants to answer Alice's call. Alice assured me that James had no intention of confronting us tonight; he just wanted to leave his little gift.

Naturally, Emmett came bounding into the house spouting about what was in the box. Not that I could have kept it from Izzy; I knew that she would have the need to be fully informed, but I just didn't want to do it quite that way. She made me tell her what was in the box, her cinnamon eyes fierce and demanding.

"Jesus Christ, Edward!" The words slipped out before her usual defenses had a chance to come up.

"Izzy, I won't let him near you. You have to trust me to protect you." I tightened my hold on her.

"I do, Edward; I do. He's just so sick."

Looking down at her, I saw a strange look cross her face. Izzy was thinking about something—hard.

"What are you thinking, love?"

"Nothing."

I looked over at Jasper, who was sitting quietly on the couch, and he was staring at Izzy with an intense look of concentration. Suddenly, understanding dawned, and he looked away, but not before I saw the horrified expression on his face. _Self sacrifice, Edward. She's willing to let him have her to save you. Don't tell her you know—at least not yet. She needs your stability, and if she thinks you're going to fight her, she won't trust you._

Grabbing Izzy tighter against me, I nodded imperceptibly to Jasper. Fear flooded through me at the thought of Izzy going up against James—knowing I could lose her. We just had to keep that from happening.

~*o*~

School returned to normal soon after Christmas break, which was both good and bad. Izzy continued to live with us and sleep in my bed. Her insatiable appetite for sex kept us up late most nights, and I was making up for lost time after a century of being a virgin. I decided to save_ that _little tidbit for when I broke the news about Izzy being my mate; I didn't think she would be able to understand the reason I remained celibate for so long without having to explain the whole mate situation. Not being completely honest with her really rankled, but I was doing the best I could with what I had to work with. I hoped that soon I would be able to come clean with her.

Lauren flaunted her relationship with Riley around school. She had no idea he was a vampire, and through her memories, I could tell that he sometimes donned colored contact lenses because she thought he had brown eyes. He'd explained away his coldness by claiming to have a circulatory problem. I wondered why he was with Lauren and how they'd hooked up, but I never caught the information in either of their minds.

Riley continued to flirt outrageously with Izzy. The fact that she shot him down time after time only seemed to increase his interest further. I had to bite back a growl every time I saw his smarmy form hanging around near school. Exploring his mind, I gleaned many detailed fantasies starring Izzy. He wanted her for his own, but I didn't 'hear' anything that indicated he wished her any harm, which is the only reason why I hadn't chased him away from the school permanently... yet. Riley threatened once to cause a 'supernatural scene in front of the children,' which wouldn't bode well for my family, so I decided to hold back for a while.

One day, I was heading out to the parking lot to meet Izzy when I caught sight of Riley chatting her up near his car. I only caught the tail end of their conversation, but I could see in Riley's mind that he knew the pearls he'd placed around her neck would piss me off. He was hoping Izzy and I would have a fight, and he could swoop in to pick up the pieces. The only pieces _he_ was going to be picking up would be his own limbs if he wasn't careful.

With a growl, I stalked up to them. "In my car, _now._" Turning on my heel, I headed straight to the Aston Martin, fully expecting Izzy to follow. I could hear Riley trying to persuade Izzy to give him a chance with her, suggesting that I wasn't treating her right, and I ground my teeth as anger surged through me. The only thing that stopped me from jumping out of my car was our location... and he knew it. He knew that I could hear every word they said, and his parting shot was to let her know he'd be waiting when she was 'done' with me—as if he figured I meant nothing to her—and a kiss on the cheek. He also knew damn well that kissing her on the cheek would leave his scent on _my girl._ I was so pissed that I couldn't look at Izzy when she got in the car.

"What the fuck is your problem, boyscout?" she snapped.

_Oh, I wasn't feeling like a boyscout at all._

"What makes you think there's a problem?" I asked tightly, staring straight ahead.

"Um... your fucking attitude? _Ordering_ me into your car?"

I said nothing. I wasn't in control of my temper or my mouth at the moment.

"Why won't you look at me?"

Izzy sounded frustrated and perhaps a big frightened, and I couldn't find it in myself to give a shit. Throwing the car into gear, I took off, laying down rubber. Usually, I ran to work off my frustrations, but since that avenue was not open to me at the moment, driving fast was a lesser release valve. Almost immediately, I scented Izzy's arousal, and she rubbed her thighs together. Despite the anger, I had a roaring erection in seconds.

"Take me home," Izzy demanded.

"No."

"What the fuck, Edward? I said-"

Her words were cut short when I snatched up her wrist, curling my fingers around it. I could feel her pulse pattering against my fingertips, and this both calmed me and turned me on at the same time. My dick twitched in my pants, and I wanted her right there in the car. I wanted to pull over and spear into her like an animal. That's when I realized I needed to gain some control over myself as well as her. She wasn't a vampire—she was breakable.

"_Isabella_," I growled at her, baring my teeth slightly. "It would be best to remain silent for the time being."

Izzy stopped breathing, and the smell of her arousal increased—again, nearly causing me to pull to the side of the road and have her. Venom filled my mouth, and I swallowed it back.

"Yes, Mr. Cullen," she answered quietly, casting her eyes down. It was her response that saved us from a potentially dangerous roadside encounter.

When we arrived at my house, I pulled her on my back and leaped up to my open window. Without glancing around or questioning, she fell to her knees and waited. Jack had trained her well, and I suspected she really needed this kind of direction at times. A controlled structure was probably necessary for _both_ of us at this point.

From across the room, I watched her as I removed everything except my jeans. Love filled me, but there was still anger simmering beneath the surface. When I felt in control, I padded over to her silently. Reaching down, I wrapped the pearls around my hand, giving a slight upward tug. "Stand up, Isabella."

An involuntary tremor shook her body, and I put a finger under her chin, lifting her face to me. I leaned in next to her ear and whispered, "Are you afraid, Isabella?"

"No."

I laughed softly. "What a ridiculous question. You'd never admit it anyway." Placing my hand around the soft skin of her delicate neck, I informed her, "I'm going to tie you to the bed, Isabella."

Immediately, there was a change in her; she went from aroused to scared in a split second, and I could sense the panic welling inside her. I saw a tear slide down her cheek, and I kissed it away gently. "Look at me." Our eyes met, and there seemed to be warring emotions in hers. Part of her still seemed aroused, but another was frozen by complete panic. What did she think I was going to do to her? "What's wrong? You know you can tell me anything." I longed for her to be open with me so I would know how to proceed.

"Please don't tie me up," she whispered breathlessly, and I could see in her eyes that she hadn't meant to say it out loud.

"Why?"

"I'm just not comfortable being so out of control."

_Bullshit._

"Jack never tied you up?" I called her bluff.

She appeared to be cornered. Izzy didn't like to lie, and I didn't think she _would _lie to me. "Please..." she begged. So Jack _did_ tie her up; she just didn't want _me_ to. She wasn't about to disclose the reasons, so I would proceed and see what happened.

With our gazes locked, I backed her slowly toward the bed and let go of her neck, undressing her down to her bra and panties. Tipping her face up to mine, I caressed her lips with mine. My hard-on, down to a dull roar for the past while, sprang to life, pushing painfully against my jeans. "Open to me, Isabella," I murmured against her lips. Her mouth opened beneath mine, and my tongue teased against hers. My dick twitched again, and I slid my hands around her waist and pulled her up against me, my tongue plundering her mouth. A small whimper escaped Izzy, and I started tracing a finger along the top of her breasts. I could feel her nipples straining against the lace as my finger grew dangerously close, but I made sure not to give her the contact she wanted yet.

I instructed her to lie on the bed, and then I moved to the other side of the room, grabbing the silken ties I planned to use. Her heart was beating hard when I stood beside her again. "Relax, Isabella." I sat on the side of the bed, bringing my mouth down on hers roughly. Anger surged through me again as I thought of Riley and my frustration that Izzy seemed to be afraid of what I was going to do to her. I wanted nothing more than to just enjoy her and be a normal couple—well, as normal as a vampire/human couple gets.

Without any other part of our bodies touching, I continued to kiss her deeply, my tongue delving into her sweet mouth over and over again. There was something extremely erotic about being connected to her only by our lips and tongues. Pulling back from the kiss elicited a whimper from Izzy, but she remained still.

"You want me to touch you, don't you?"

"Yes, Mr. Cullen."

"I _want_ to touch you, Isabella... all over," I whispered, and her heart rate spiked. "There is the matter of Riley, though."

Izzy stiffened slightly; something a human wouldn't have been able to discern. She opened her mouth to speak, but I placed my finger on her lush lips. "Don't speak. Listen." I growled, straddling her body. I wanted nothing more than to drop pretenses and take her now, but I knew that it wouldn't be in a controlled way, and I refused to do anything that might put her in danger. Her eyes lit on the silk ties in my hand and grew wide with fear. "Don't be afraid, Isabella. You know I would never harm you," I reassured. And I wouldn't. I would do anything for her, anything to protect her—even from myself.

I tied her left wrist to the bed, and she restrained herself from making any objection even though I know she was frightened. Picking up her right wrist, my eyes lit on the leather cuff she wore—a non-verbal symbol of our love and commitment—and I couldn't bear to tie it down. Instead, I brought it to my lips and kissed the creamy skin on the underside of her wrist before placing it on the bed untied. I gazed deeply into her eyes, willing her to understand the things I couldn't say.

I moved to the end of the bed and slowly bound her ankles. Her legs were spread wide, and I had the urge to rip her panties right off—_patience, Edward_. I poised at the foot of the bed, looking down at her with unbridled lust. I waited until the anger that simmered under the surface was in control before kneeling on the bed and stalking slowly up her body until mine hovered as close to hers as I could get without touching. The current that always ran hot between us was crackling and jumping as though the very cells of our bodies were communicating, craving each other.

I could tell she felt it, too, and her eyes slipped closed. "Eyes open, Isabella. Keep them on me," I instructed.

After an inner struggle, she opened her eyes. I knew this was difficult for her, but she had no idea how hard this was for me, too.

"You may answer when I ask you a question, but no speaking out of turn. If you're a good girl, I'll reward you. If you're bad, the non-touching will go on. Are we clear?"

"Yes, Mr. Cullen."

"What do you think you're doing with Riley?" My question was meant to throw her off, and it did its job; Izzy's eyes widened slightly, clouding over with confusion.

"What? I'm not doing anything with Riley."

To make my point, I wrapped Riley's pearls around my fist. "If nothing's going on with Riley—if he doesn't _expect _something to be going on—then why is he trying to mark his territory? Why did he give you these?"

"Edward -"

"Isabella, you forget yourself," I reminded, and to her credit, she shifted back into sub mode quickly.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen. Riley was just joking around with me—he said that I was too much of a hard-ass, and he thought a strand of pearls might soften my look. Pearls aren't really my thing, and I told him so, but he insisted that the contrast between my viper bites, black hair and clothing choices would be striking with the pearls—make people wonder. Anyway, it's just a set of plastic beads. I promise you there's nothing between me and Riley; I thought you trusted me."

Unable to look into her vulnerable gaze, I bent down and sliced through her bra, sending the lacy bits off to either side of her. I stared hungrily at her straining nipples, flicking one lightly with my tongue. It took all I had not to close my mouth over her breast and suck, but I remained determined to play things out as I'd decided—it was as much for my benefit as hers.

I raised my head, looking into her dilated pupils. "For someone who's so suspicious of everyone's motives, you really are naïve, Isabella. Firstly, those are _real_ pearls; a strand that long is quite expensive, I assure you—not that a drug dealer can't afford nice things. Secondly, if you think that Riley—_a vampire_—isn't trying to stake his claim, to woo you away from me, then you're sadly mistaken."

Izzy's eyes were glazed over, and I knew that I was throwing a lot of sensations at her at once. I did this in an attempt to break down some of the barriers she'd so carefully constructed around herself. She appeared to be thinking hard before finally responding, "I don't understand all this 'claiming' and 'marking territory' stuff. You know, James said something like that to me when he bit me—that he was marking me as _his_, that he would be back for me, and that I belonged to him. That was about as romantic as a dog pissing on a fire hydrant. As long as I know I can be with someone _by my own choice_, I'm fine, but try to tell me I _have_ to be there, and I'm fucking gone."

In human terms, what happened to me then would be described as '_my blood running cold,'_ but since I'm a vampire, an imperceptible shudder went through me. My eyes would always give me away, and I saw some semblance of recognition in Izzy's. I really couldn't afford for her to sense fear in me; she needed to be sure of me even though I wasn't sure of myself right now. Thinking it unwise to look into her eyes any longer, I bent my head to her other breast, sucking the hardened bud into my mouth and swirling my tongue around it.

"I told you before, Isabella, I don't like to share." My voice was gravelly, and I bit back a feral growl as the strand of pearls snapped in my hand, shooting off in every direction. "I've never looked at you as an object, but I _did _warn you about my vampire nature. I'm possessive, I get jealous easily, and I don't like that filthy drug dealer trying to get his slimy hands on you." This time, I couldn't hold back the growl, and Izzy's eyes grew wide.

"You're not sharing me, E - Mr. Cullen. It's so hard for me to be with anyone, to answer to anyone... but I've never lied to you, and I never will. I didn't know the pearls were real or that they meant something more than what Riley said. Look in my eyes; you _know_ I don't want anyone else." I knew it took an effort for her to keep her eyes on mine, and despite her struggle against it, the tears that filled her eyes spilled over. They ran down her face in rivulets, and I _smelled _them, and I felt like they were mine—the ones I could never cry.

It was more than I could bear, watching her cry as her eyes implored me to believe in her. _I_ was the only fraud in this room, and I could no longer stand to be under scrutiny because I was scared to death of what she might see. "Shh... it's okay." My lips traveled over her face lightly, dropping kisses on her soft skin. "Please, Izzy..." I don't think I spoke loud enough for her to hear; I was so scared I'd say something incriminating. Fear shot through me, and I knew if I lost her that I would be a mere shell of myself. The loss of a mate was the most devastating event that could happen to a vampire. We had no data on a vampire mating with a human—perhaps I was _important_ to Izzy, but she might be able to go on without me, whereas I would_ not _be all right without her.

My mouth came down on hers, my tongue delving into her luscious mouth. I kissed her slowly, pouring passion into it, while keeping my eyes shut tightly—as if it would make my torment any less to close my eyes to it. As our tongues danced together and our lips moved, I started to lose myself in her, forgetting how much pain was coursing through me just a moment ago. Izzy moaned softly, and I smelled the musky scent of her arousal all around me.

"Close your eyes," I whispered.

After her eyes fluttered closed, I sat there watching her for a few minutes, enjoying the fact that I could stare to my hearts content without her inquiring gaze penetrating into my blemished soul. My gaze traveled over her creamy skin, settling on her beautiful breasts with their dusky rose peaks standing at attention. Unable to resist, I leaned in and kissed each nipple before kissing my way in between them and moving down toward her navel. My fingers lightly traced the scars along her ribcage where she used to cut herself, and her entire body stiffened.

"Shh... relax. You don't need to hurt yourself anymore, remember? The scars are healed, and they never have to be opened up again." I could feel the war being waged within her at my words, but, slowly, the tension melted from her body, showing her trust in me. "That's it. Keep your eyes closed, and let it all melt away," I whispered.

Dragging my tongue lightly around her belly button elicited a strong reaction, and I knew I'd found yet another 'special spot' of hers, which I cataloged away for future reference. Moving down to her ankle, I licked and nipped my way up her leg until her sex was just inches from my flaring nostrils as I drank in her heady scent. Knowing she expected me to move down to the other ankle, I put my mouth right over her panties. "Mm-mm." I felt her stiffen beneath me, but she restrained herself.

"I hope these aren't your favorite..." I said huskily, shredding her panties and exposing her to me. "God, you're so wet, Isabella. Do you want me?"

"Yes, Mr. Cullen. _So much_," Izzy whimpered.

It was all I needed to hear. I delved into her wet heat, laving her with my tongue. At times, I drew it back until I was barely touching her at all, and at others, I plunged it inside her.

"May I come, Mr. Cullen?" she asked breathlessly.

Lifting my head, I looked up, but her eyes remained closed. "Not yet. I'll tap your hip three times when you're allowed to come, since my mouth will be... otherwise engaged."

"Yes, Mr. Cullen."

My tongue snaked out and teased against her little bundle of nerves before delving into her again. I could feel the tension in her body as she tried to follow instructions and hold out until I gave her the signal. She'd done so well, so I decided to reward her. I tapped her hip—one... two... three, and she exploded beneath me. Her body quivered and shook, and when she screamed out my name, I could tell she had no choice in the matter. She screamed my name over and over again as she came, writhing on the bed under my lips and tongue. "Fuck, Edward... oh, my God!"

As I slid up her body, her eyes opened, and I captured her with my heated gaze. Hearing her cry out for me with such abandon melted my insides, and I wanted to bury myself inside her as my erection strained harder than ever at the seam of my jeans. A small part of me felt extremely guilty for drawing so much out of her when I was unable to reciprocate in kind with such complete honesty.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

I wasn't sure what she was apologizing for, but I was the guilty one; I was the one who should be saying sorry. Instead of telling her any of what was in my troubled mind, I said, "I want you."

"I'm yours, Mr. Cullen."

Shaking my head, I told her, "Not like this. I want _you_, Izzy; I need _you_."

"What can I do, Mr. Cullen?" Her eyes held confusion, and it was no wonder—how could she know of the malignancy that was welling up within my blackened soul right now? I couldn't chance telling her everything yet; Alice warned me strongly against it, and I was selfish enough to do whatever I could to keep her as mine.

"No more Mr. Cullen today," I whispered. "I just want you—smart mouth and all." My mouth came down over hers roughly, and I reached up to loosen the silk binding around her wrist, entwining my fingers in hers. She trusted me so completely, and I couldn't shake the voice in the back of my mind that worried she could never feel as much for me as I did for her.

When we came up for air, Izzy stroked my cheek, a concerned look on her face. "Edward, what is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, love." I tightened my fingers in hers before moving to the end of the bed to untie her legs and then stood up to rid myself of my jeans. My throbbing erection stood at attention, and she had that naughty spark in her eye that I'd grown to love. Crawling onto the bed, I took her in my arms, turning us on our sides, our flesh pressed tightly together.

"Edward," she whispered, her fingers straying to the hair at the nape of my neck. Attempting to put aside any concerns, I allowed all the love I felt for her to shine in my eyes. Hers told me she loved me, too, even though she couldn't say the words yet. I brought my lips back to hers, tracing my hands up and down her spine and feeling each vertebrae beneath my sensitive fingertips, and I pulled her in tighter against me.

Kissing a sweet path up my neck with her soft lips, she whispered, "I want you, Edward. I've never wanted anyone the way I want you."

Her words held so much meaning because I knew it was so hard for her to admit things to me. Drawing in a breath, I rolled us so I was hovering over her. "I want to make love to you, Izzy." More and more often, she was agreeing to make love, but it was still her choice—I could no longer say no to her.

"Yes, Edward."

Using my knee to spread her legs apart, I entered her slowly, nibbling up her neck and across her jaw until our lips met in a searing kiss. As I starting moving inside her, I pushed my tongue past her lips, feeling the rasp of the viper bites. At first, I was put off by those, but it turned out that I find them kind of hot. All thoughts of viper bites or anything else left me when she moaned, kissing me back with a passion that dragged me in, made me get lost in her. Izzy clawed at my back, pulling my lip between her teeth, and I nearly came right then. There was something about her hot, moist mouth that did me in, so I lifted off her slightly, throwing my head back. Unable to stop myself, my hips rolled faster, and her sighs and whimpers were music to my ears. My eyes were shut tight, and it was the only reason I lasted a little bit longer inside her heat. For the first time, I felt guilty and fearful—so fearful—that I would lose Izzy. Again, the thought that she was not a vampire flitted through my mind. As a human, she was free to leave me at any time, but I would remain bound to her for eternity. The thought of her being with someone else, letting them touch her and make love to her...

"Izzy..." Her name came out in a strangled groan.

"Edward, God."

I realized that I was so trapped in my own private hell that I wasn't paying much attention to Izzy in the present. Dropping my head down, I tasted her skin, running my lips all over her shoulders, neck, and face. Izzy's nails digging into my shoulders brought my attention fully back to her and the fact that her body was writhing beneath mine. Guttural moans stuck in my throat as I forced myself not to scream out that I loved her. She started to call out to me, "Edward... Edward..." saying my name over and over in a litany, and I was drawn over the edge as I felt her walls flutter around me, readying for release.

"Yes... come with me..." I coaxed, thrusting hard a few more times and bringing us both over the edge.

With my body still covering hers, I placed my hand over her heart, and I could feel it still pumping furiously. "Be mine, Izzy. Never leave me." The words slipped out before I could stop them, and I leaned down to kiss her neck so she wouldn't see the look that must surely be in my eyes.

Izzy stroked my hair, and I could smell the fear coursing through her veins—she was definitely on to me. "Yes, Edward. I'm yours; always." Fear seeped into her words, and her heart stuttered.

This was not what I wanted! As Emmett might say, I was acting like an emo pansy. If I couldn't get it together, how could I ever hope to help Izzy? Pulling the comforter up over us to keep her warm, we snuggled until she fell asleep. She never mentioned my behavior while we were making love, and I felt relieved. I'd just have to try harder.

~*0*~

A few days later, Izzy announced her intention to visit La Push. She did it casually as we were driving home from seeing a movie.

"La Push? Why?"

"To visit Jacob and Billy. That place used to be like a second home to me, Edward."

"I don't like it." I shook my head.

"Because of James, or because you're jealous?" she asked matter-of-factly.

"A little of both, I guess. I don't want Paul anywhere near you." I sighed, growling under my breath.

"Paul won't be there; Sam ordered him to stay away."

The trees blurred by faster as my foot came down harder on the accelerator. "So this is all planned out already?" I asked tightly.

"Yes. _ It is_." Her voice was challenging, daring me to object.

I pulled the car to the side of the road, spraying up gravel, and turned to glare at her. "You're goading me, Izzy. Why?"

Her eyes met mine boldly. "You're not my father, Edward. I don't need your permission to do anything!"

"That may be so, but these aren't normal circumstances." Looking through the windshield into the darkness, I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"There's never been anything _normal_ about my life, Edward. I need some time to myself, and I also want to visit the Res—two birds, one stone."

She wanted to be away from me. Perhaps my little display of insecurity the other night had made her feel as though she needed to run. She'd never mentioned it, but I knew I couldn't get it out of _my_ mind.

"You know that my family isn't allowed on the Res, and Alice is unable to see anything when you're around one of _them_. Why can't Jacob come to visit you?"

"It's not going to go that way, Edward." Izzy's jaw was set.

I grabbed her wrist in my hand, and she turned on me like a viper. "Don't you fucking _dare_, Edward! Don't cross the line. You know the Dom thing is only for when I need to be snapped in place, but from where I sit, _you_ need to get a fucking grip on yourself!"

Izzy shoved me away, and I let her. She was right—what the hell was I doing? I didn't like the way the argument was going, so I tried to go Dom on her? I rested my head against the steering wheel in an attempt to calm down. Then Izzy just had to jump out of my car and start stalking away... up the shoulder of the 101 in the dark.

In a flash, I was out of the car and in front of her. Izzy gasped at my speed; I usually didn't move like a vampire around her. Before she could blink, I had her pressed up against the side of the Aston Martin. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Away from you," she spat. "Let me go."

"Izzy, it's dangerous out here. We're in the middle of the 101, late at night. James could be lurking anywhere; do you really think I'm going to allow you to put yourself in danger that way?"

Izzy struggled against me, cursing like a sailor. I didn't hear a word she said... I was too busy watching her mouth move as the bulge in my pants grew painfully hard. Her luscious, pink lips... a bit of moonlight glinting off her viper bites... her little, pink tongue peeking out for just a second... I grabbed her face in my hands and mashed my lips against hers. She bit my lip hard, and my dick twitched, pressing up against my jeans. Moving us to the right, I bent her back over the hood of my car, pinning her down.

Suddenly, I smelled the scent of her arousal mingled in with the adrenaline. "What the fuck are you doing, Edward?" she asked breathlessly, her pupils dilating.

I lifted her legs around my hips in answer, running my hand up her naked thigh until I was teasing at her sex through the silky material of her thong. Her heels dug into my ass as she tried to pull me in closer, her hands grabbing at my jacket. I leaned down, licking a trail on her chest from the low cut V of her shirt up to the hollow of her throat. Izzy moaned. "Want you," she mumbled.

I unzipped my pants and shoved her thong aside, hesitating only a moment to be sure it was what she wanted. "Do you want me inside you, Izzy?"

"Yes! Fuck, yes, Edward!"

Supporting her thighs, I pushed my throbbing hardness into her, pumping my hips at a fast clip. She threw her head back, arching her body up. I never knew how hot it could be to see a woman splayed on the hood of your car, knowing another motorist could come along at any moment. I slid one arm under her arched back, pulling her up toward me, and she hooked an arm around my neck, holding on tight. Licking at her viper bites, I teased at her lips until her tongue came out to play. Our tongues flicked against each other lightly outside our mouths as I thrust deeper into her. Izzy's heels dug harder into my ass, egging me on.

"Oh, yes... Edward..." Her soft whimpers drew me toward orgasm. "I'm so close... so close." Her breath heaved in her chest.

I felt the fluttering of her warm heat around my shaft, and I encouraged her, "Yes, that's it. I want to come with you."

"Holy shit, Edward... oh, God!" Izzy threw her head back, and I heard a hollow metal sound as it banged against the hood. I never even had a chance; the sounds she made as she came pushed me over the edge with her.

My body continued to cover hers, and I listened to her heart gradually slow down. I lifted her head slightly so I could cradle the back of it in my cool hands, concerned she might have a bump there. Izzy's legs were wrapped tight around me, as if she didn't want to let me go, and I lifted my head to look into her eyes. "Are you all right?"

Izzy let out a short laugh. "We just totally had hot sex on top of your hood in the middle of the 101, and you ask if I'm all right?"

"You hit your head..." I smirked at her.

"Did I? I must've missed that while you were thrusting inside me." She leaned up and sucked my lip into her hot mouth.

I could see headlights up the road a ways, and I slipped out of her, zipping my pants and pulling her against me as I stood us up. "Careful, Izzy, or we might end up giving a free show to whoever's in that car up the road."

"You think I wouldn't?" Izzy rubbed her hand on my crotch, and my dick sprang to life again. Izzy laughed throatily. "Looks like you're _up_ for it, too."

Pushing her hand away, I led her to the car, opening the door. "Be a good girl and get in the car."

"Being bad is so much more fun..." Izzy pouted.

Indeed.

~*0*~

Saturday dawned cloudy and cold. Izzy stretched her arms above her, rubbing at her eyes. Turning, she flopped with her face in the pillow. "Um... essence of Edward," she mumbled.

"What?"

Her hand flashed out, and she slapped at me. "Don't ruin my morning sniff, huh?"

"Your morning _sniff_?"

Izzy huffed, lifting her head. "I like to sniff the pillows in the morning—they smell like you."

"But I'm right here."

She rolled her eyes. "Just forget it, boyscout." Then a strange light came into her eyes, and she leaned close to me, capturing my eyes with her playful gaze. "Although, I have to say... you didn't act like much of a boyscout on the hood of your car last night."

My pants tightened at the thought, and I reached for her. I was batted away. "Down, boy... I need a shower, and I have morning breath. Anyway, I need to get ready to..." Her voice drifted off, and the playful mood was broken.

She was referring to her impending trip to La Push. We'd been over that again last night before bed, and I couldn't really defend against the fact that she would be surrounded by werewolves, and that they were capable of keeping her safe.

"I know; you need to get ready to see Jacob. How are you getting there?"

"Jake's picking me up on his bike."

I nearly objected but, instead, decided to follow them on foot until I was sure she was safely on the Res. What she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

To his credit, when Jacob arrived to pick up Izzy, he was very polite. As she adjusted the helmet on her head, he glanced my way. _Don't worry, Edward. I know it's hard for you to allow your mate to be driven away on the back of a werewolf's bike. I promise I won't tell her about the mate thing, and I'll take really good care of her._

I nodded in thanks. Before they left, I kissed Izzy's lips slowly. "I'll miss you today. Be safe."

She smiled up at me. "I'll miss you, too, boyscout. Don't worry about me; I'm in capable paws."

Jacob rolled his eyes.

**~*Izzy*~**

Edward's lips were on mine, and I could feel the struggle inside him. He wanted to go all caveman on me, but he knew he had no right. In a way, I wasn't so sure of that—Edward Cullen owned my black heart as surely as I owned his golden one.

"I'll miss you today. Be safe," Edward murmured, although I know he wanted to say more.

"I'll miss you, too, boyscout. Don't worry about me; I'm in capable paws."

Jacob snorted good-naturedly, shaking his head as he kicked the bike to life. I felt the rumble between my legs, and all I could think about was getting properly fucked on the hood of Edward's Aston Martin last night.

"Hey, boyscout." Edward looked over at me, and I beckoned him closer so I could put my lips up to his ear. "I had a good time last night. You were so fucking hot. Oh, and I wrote something in the journal for you." I tapped Jacob to let him know I was ready to go.

Edward smiled crookedly at me as Jacob and I took off down the winding drive. A huge chunk of my heart stayed there with him.

When we arrived at La Push, we headed straight toward Jacob's little red house. Suddenly, I was nervous about seeing Billy. After Jacob pulled his bike into the garage, he took my hand in his and peered down at me.

"Be – Izzy, are you okay? I know it's been a long time since you were here, but everyone misses you."

I snorted. "Not Leah."

Jacob showed a flash of his white teeth. "Okay, maybe not Leah, but everyone else does. Sam was really happy to hear you were coming to visit."

"Um, really? Because I thought for sure he'd freak... about Edward."

Jacob pulled on my hand, and we started walking toward the house as we talked. "Sam was a bit... apprehensive at first, but I talked to him. I told him how Edward is with you, and he understands now."

"And Billy? Does he understand?"

"Yeah, he does. What he might not understand is your black hair" —Jacob ruffled my hair playfully— "or your hardware. And for the love of God, please try to watch your potty mouth."

I laughed, but the smile dropped from my face when I thought of Charlie—he must be turning over in his grave seeing me like this. I stopped walking, throwing an arm across my middle at the pain that flared inside me. "Fuck."

"Izzy, you okay?"

"Charlie..." I whispered, tears filling my eyes.

Jacob pulled me into his arms, and I let him. It felt good to be held in his strong, warm embrace—especially knowing that he'd loved Charlie, too. He stroked my hair and rubbed my back, murmuring comforting words.

"Well, isn't this _cozy_? I wonder what Angela would think." The voice was caustic and rude—fucking Leah.

Jacob and I parted, and I faced away from Leah, wiping my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I faced her. "Leah," I said evenly.

"Oh, and I heard you were so badass now! Aren't you going to tell me to go fuck myself or try to take a swing at me?" Leah pranced around, leaning in perilously close to my face.

Jacob reached out, snatching her up by the waist, and pulled her away from me. "No, you don't, Leah!" Leah's arms and legs swung wildly, trying to hit him, but her dangerous glare never left my face.

Why _didn't_ I curse at her? Why _didn't_ I take a swing at her? Guilt. After Sam imprinted on her cousin Emily and dumped her, she'd lusted after Paul. I had no idea, of course, but that didn't stop her from hating me. If I'd known she wanted Paul, I would have chosen another target. Back then, men were interchangeable for me—a fuck was a fuck. Things had changed drastically for me when I met Edward, but she didn't know that.

"Let me go, Jacob Black! Get the hell off me!" Leah shrieked.

"Behave yourself, or do I need to get Sam to go Alpha on your ass?"

"Fine!"

Jacob put Leah down, watching her warily. We were just outside the house; the rickety front steps were the exact same weathered wood as when we were kids, and I was surprised the porch hadn't fallen down yet. Turning away from the house, I looked Leah in the eye. "Listen, Leah, I know you might not believe this, but I never wanted to hurt you. I had no idea you had a thing for Paul." Her lip curled in a snarl at the mention of his name. "I know the reputation I have, but that's not me anymore. I'm with Edward now, and he's all I want."

Leah spat in the dirt at my feet. "A _vampire_. Could you throw a bigger insult at all of us?"

"It's nothing to do with any of you. I can't help who I fell for."

Just then the door opened, and Billy's head peaked out. "Bella? Is that you?"

Billy was the only one I would allow to call me Bella; he was Charlie's best friend and the closest thing I had to family. "Yeah, it's me, Uncle Billy."

"Well, get on in here!" His eyes told me he knew very well what was happening out in front of his house.

"Later..." Leah muttered, stalking away.

Jacob and I entered the house, and Billy maneuvered his wheelchair to the shabby little table just outside the kitchen. Billy and I caught up while Jake made us some sandwiches.

"So, Bella, you look really different."

"Yeah... I know." I swiped a hand over my black hair self-consciously.

"It's okay, you know." Billy patted my hand. "No matter what you've had to do to get through, Charlie and I are proud of you."

The tears just started streaming then, and I had no chance of stopping them. I put my head down and sobbed hard while Billy put a comforting hand on my arm. He didn't say a word; he was just there. So many things went through my mind—how I got to where I was, to becoming this hard-nosed, distrustful, sarcastic bitch. My inner banshee had nothing to say, but I could feel my inner Bella stirring with interest. She had nothing to say either, but I felt sympathy from her, and I think she might even have started to understand why I had to do the things I've done in order to survive in this sick world. It wasn't my fault that my mother's boy toy decided to rape me, or that I shot his dick off in self-defense, or that Charlie had gone and died on me before we could come to terms with living together. Most people would have trust issues after what I've been through. The one bright spot in my life was Edward Cullen. The thought of him and his love for me dried my tears, and I lifted my head, using a napkin to blot my eyes.

"I'm sorry about that," I whispered.

Jacob was still tooling around in the kitchen, trying to give me some time to get it together. When I looked up, I met Billy's warm brown eyes, and they were full of sympathy and understanding.

"It's okay, sweetie. You're getting through, and I know you're going to make it. Now... there's the matter of Edward Cullen."

"Um... yeah." I ducked my head, unsure how Billy was going to take my relationship to Edward.

"Jacob tells me that Edward has been really good for you, that he's drawn you out of your shell quite a bit."

"He has, Uncle Billy. He's the best thing that's ever happened to me." I continued to look down, picking at my stubby nails.

"You're well aware of his nature." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yes."

"Has he encouraged you to... turn?" Billy asked carefully.

"No! Not at all. I did ask about it, but he said he'd never even consider it right now. He also promised to stay by my side even if I chose to remain human. He's not a bad vampire—he's the best person I know. I don't even know why he bothers with me, actually."

"I have no problem with the Cullens. They're the only vampires I've ever come across that try to be 'human' and actually go out of their way to help others. It sounds to me like Edward is just what you need. I can't believe I'm saying that myself, but there it is. As far as why he's with you—I'm sure he sees the good in you, just like we do. You're hurting right now and acting out, but deep inside, at your core, you're a good person." He patted my hand.

"So I... have your blessing with Edward?" I asked incredulously.

"You do. I know you'd have Charlie's, too. He was a practical man, and even though he didn't know about werewolves and vampires, I know he would have taken it all in stride. As long as you're working toward healing, you've got nothing to be ashamed of."

"Thank you. You have no idea what this means to me." I swiped away more tears. "Enough about me; tell me about you. What's new here on the Res?"

We ate lunch and talked for a few hours at the little table. It triggered some fond memories of sitting there chatting or playing cards back when I was younger and things were different. I almost felt like Charlie was sitting there, too. It was a very soul cleansing experience, and I felt yet another piece of the puzzle fall into place for me.

"Iz, why don't we take a walk down by the beach? We haven't done_ that_ in a few years," Jacob suggested.

"Sounds good."

"Will you be staying for dinner, Bella? We're also having a bonfire tonight, and I'd love it if you'd stay." Billy smiled at me hopefully.

"Yeah, I can stay. It'll be cool to see Sam scarf down a package of hot dogs all by himself again." I smirked.

"Oh, then you're in for a real treat because Jacob here can polish off _two_ packages." Billy wiggled his eyebrows.

My gaze turned to Jacob, and I poked him in the stomach. "Oh, my God. What a pig!"

Jacob ducked his head, his cheeks turning pink under his russet skin. "Come on, let's go." He gestured to the door. "And stop giving away all my secrets, old man!" he chided Billy.

We headed down to the beach, and I bundled myself up as the biting wind cut right through my clothes. Jacob wore only a light wind-breaker over his t-shirt—a handy by-product of being a werewolf—his core temperature ran hot.

First Beach was a place I used to go to daydream and think. I always loved taking my shoes off and allowing the water to run between my toes, but there would be none of that in this bitter cold. There was something about the water that drew me in. I loved to watch the waves crashing onto the beach, the foam rushing up and smoothing out the sand. No matter what you built or wrote in the sand, the surf would always wash it away—like a clean slate. How I wished that real life could give you new chances like that.

Nostalgia filled me as I looked out at the iron gray sky, pregnant with rain. The waves crashed against the rocks and rushed up the sand, and the sound of it affected me deeply. I hadn't been to a beach since my life had gone off track; I'd forgotten the pull it had on my emotions.

"You okay, Izzy?" Jake asked quietly.

"Yeah... just processing stuff."

We walked along the shore, being careful to keep back far enough so the rising tide didn't get our shoes wet. There was a little curve in the rocks just ahead where in another life I would perch on a big, flat rock and think for hours. My pace sped up, and I rounded the corner of the jetty to find... Leah. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who loved that rock.

When she noticed us, she sneered, her lip curling in derision. "Twice in the same day? How did I get so lucky?"

"Sorry, Leah. We didn't mean to intrude."

She merely snorted, turning her gaze back toward the choppy water. Jake just shook his head and motioned that we should continue walking.

We were all rooted to the spot a moment later when the howls of several wolves cut through the air.

Leah snapped to her feet on the rock, turning her head toward Jake, eyes wide. Jake stiffened, cocking his head to the side and listening to the pattern of the howls.

Jake nodded at Leah, and she immediately phased into her wolf form. Her light gray fur bristled, and she leaped off the rock, kicking up sand with her paws as she landed.

"Vampires," he announced.

"Excuse me?"

"Vampires on our land. Several of them from the sound of it." His face was grim.

"James." I swallowed thickly, suddenly glad I'd slung my little backpack purse over my shoulder when we left Billy's.

Jacob went into pack mode, and I felt the raw power that rippled through him even though he was still in human form. "Leah! You stay here and guard Izzy. I'm going to join the rest of the pack. From the sound of it, the vampires have breached the border of our land along the woods."

Leah yipped at Jacob, shaking her gargantuan head.

"That wasn't a request, Leah! You'll be getting the Alpha command in about thirty seconds. Don't delay me, or someone might get injured while we're here arguing!"

Leah whined, but nodded her head. Jacob started running and phased in mid-air; he was quite a sight to behold, and I wondered why he'd never taken his rightful place as Alpha of the pack.

"Well, I guess we can't have any girl talk while we wait." I snickered. "It's just as well; I don't think I want to hear what you have to say to me. I do want to say one thing to you though... I never meant to hurt you. I know we've never been friends, but if I'd known you were interested in Paul, I never would have -"

Leah leaned over and snarled, her hot breath blowing back the hair from my face. I guess she wasn't up for listening.

"Sorry, sorry." I held up my hands.

Leah paced back and forth along the sand, creating a deep groove. She whined a few times, and cocked her head to the side once. At one point, her eyes snapped to mine, and she looked startled.

"Is everyone okay?"

Her head nodded, but she continued to stare hard at me.

"What the fuck are you staring at?"

Whining again, she lay down and put her head in her paws. She almost looked dejected. Every so often, we'd hear a howl of triumph, and I thanked God that the pack was winning the battle. The thought of calling Edward crossed my mind, but I knew better—he'd breach the treaty line in a second to get to me. Alice would have no idea what was happening over here because she couldn't see me near the wolves. What they didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

Suddenly, Leah stopped pacing, and a deep growl rumbled low in her throat. My eyes sought out hers, but my knees felt weak when I saw where her gaze was riveted—out in the water behind me. Whirling around, I saw James walk right out of the surf, water droplets rolling off his impermeable skin as though he'd been dipped in Rain-X.

"Holy fuck," I whispered.

"There's nothing _holy _about any of this, I assure you." James smiled widely, showing me his sharp teeth. His leather jacket and faded denim jeans were soaked, and water streamed from his clothing as he strode forward confidently.

Leah snarled, jumping in between us. James threw his head back and laughed loudly. "Oh, dear. The family pet is trying to protect you? Here kitty, kitty." His mocking voice incited Leah to action, which is exactly what he was waiting for.

Leah leaped at James, and he leaned to the side, slamming his fist into her head as she passed him. With a yelp of pain, Leah fell to the ground unconscious.

Before I could get my hand into my purse, James was standing right in front of me with his hand on my throat. Edward always made an effort to act more human around me, so I tended to forget how swiftly a vampire could move.

"So here we are. Surely you didn't think I'd let you get away from me." James' voice was soft, rough and threatening. His fingers tightened on my throat, and he tilted his head to the side, looking me over as though I was a bug stuck in his web that he was contemplating the best way to dig into.

"Let me go!"

"Afraid not, sweet thing. You belong to me now." James leaned in close and kissed my lips. I tried to turn my head away, but the grip he had on my neck prevented any movement. He plunged his tongue into my mouth, exploring roughly. With the fingers of his other hand, he caressed my neck where Edward had marked me, but his face changed suddenly, and he looked down. "What... the... _fuck_? He dared to mark you? He thinks sinking his teeth in your neck after me means he can stake a claim?" His angry crimson eyes burned into mine.

"I'm not yours; I'm his."

"NO! You're not his, you little slut! You'll fuck anything with legs!" James screamed in my face.

"No."

"Did you fall in love, Izzy? How quaint; the little whore finding redemption. Too bad you still have to pay for your past transgressions."

There was a snarling sound behind me, and James looked up with amusement. "Oh, a _bigger_ family pet here to try and save you. What have you done to inspire loyalty on the Res, Izzy? Did you fuck your way through this pack of dogs, too?"

James turned me around, and I saw Paul edging his way closer; his charcoal fur was standing on end, his teeth bared.

"Stand-off, asshole. If you get too close, I'll take her head clean off. And _then _I'll take you down."

Shit. James was right. There was no way anyone could get me out of his clutches alive. I remembered the power I'd harnessed to knock Jasper on his ass, and I wondered why it wasn't coming to my aid now. If ever there was a time for it to work, _this would be it._

"Now, where were we?" James whispered in my ear as he pulled my back against his front so we were both facing Paul. I could feel his erection pressing into my ass, and I was disgusted. "So here's the plan. When we get away from here, I'm planning a suck and fuck. I'm going to suck on your blood while I fuck you. Then I'm going to do it again. And _again_. When you're an empty husk, I'll return your body to your beloved Edward. While he's grieving with disbelief, I'm going to tear him limb from limb and have myself a nice little campfire. How's that sound to you?"

All that he said took a few moments to fully register. He wasn't going to let Edward go—ever. He wanted to kill me and torture Edward with it. Fuck no! "No! James, I'll go with you, but leave Edward out of this!"

"No can do." James ground his hips against my ass. "I can't wait to get started." His lips grazed my ear, and something slimy skittered up my spine and took residence in my heart.

My mind immediately focused on Edward. How much I loved him, and the fact that I never told him so. The thought of dying without Edward knowing I loved him was too much; it was the straw that broke the camel's back. There was no way I was letting James hurt Edward that way. I threw my head back and let out a blood curdling war cry. "FUCK YOU, JAMES!" A sound came out of me that sounded inhuman, and the raw power that had surged through me when I'd felt cornered by Jasper unleashed itself, billowing out of me like a huge force field. James was blown back into the water, and I fell to my knees. Paul was on him in a second.

I rested on my hands and knees, too weak to move, and my long hair hung like a curtain around me. Stray wisps blew into my face as the punishing wind continued raging. I couldn't even look up to watch the battle between Paul and James. With my head down, all I could see was the sand between my hands. My entire body trembled, and I started to see little pricks of light at the edges of my vision and knew I was in danger of passing out. I closed my eyes tight, trying to get a handle on myself, but the adrenaline that was shooting through my system caused the tremors to increase. Opening my eyes, I looked down at the grains of sand curiously. Something wasn't right; part of the sand was red. I cocked my head, trying to make sense of what I was seeing when a drop of red hit the sand... and then another. It was me; I was bleeding. Sitting back on my knees, I raised my hand to swipe at my face, and it came away with smears of red. My nose was bleeding, but I didn't remember bumping it.

Suddenly, my cocoon of shock was shattered by snarls and the slap of water. Looking up, I saw James and Paul deep in battle in the surf. Paul had ripped into James' forearm, which was partway detached but healing rapidly. James sniffed at the air, nostrils flaring, and his head whipped my way as the scent of my blood reached him. He smiled. "Can't wait, baby. You smell delish. Just going to take care of this dog, and then we can get out of here."

Coming out of my stupor, I remembered my secret weapon. When I'd fallen to the ground, my purse had rolled a few feet away, but it may as well have been a few miles; my bones had turned to jelly, and there was no way I was getting up. I crawled toward the purse slowly while the battle raged on behind me. I wondered where the fuck the rest of the pack was and prayed that they would get here before it was too late. Fumbling my purse open, I reached around until my hand found what I was looking for. My fingers slid around the cool metal, and relief flooded through me—at least I had a fighting chance now.

Suddenly, James let out a mighty yell, and I looked up just in time to see him ram his entire forearm—up to the elbow—into Paul's side. Paul howled in pain as James started digging inside him.

"Stop!" I screamed out. "James, look at me, you sick fuck!"

He continued digging around Paul's insides as the wolf continued to howl in agony, unable to get free. James turned his face my way, a sadistic smile playing about his lips. "What is it?"

"This!" I took aim and shot James in the chest with the flare gun that I held in both hands. "Burn, motherfucker, burn!"

The flare lodged just inside James' jacket, and as it bloomed into flame, his skin started to burn. He removed his arm from Paul's side, batting at himself in an attempt to put out the flames. A horrid metallic shrieking poured from his mouth, and I covered my ears.

Paul lumbered over to me, bleeding profusely from the gaping wound in his side. His large nose nudged at my arm, and he lay down on his belly, turning his pained gaze on me.

"Paul, thank you. I'm so sorry."

Paul nudged me again, tossing his head back and giving me a meaningful look.

"You want me to get on your back?"

His head nodded, and he nudged me harder. Looking toward the water, I saw no sign of James and realized his shrieking had stopped. That meant there was a chance he might have put the flare out in the water and could be after us again at any moment. I heard howls in the distance, but they were still some distance away.

Using all the strength I could muster, I clambered onto Paul's back, grabbing thick tufts of his fur in my fists and clamping my legs as snugly as I could over his body. "Go!"

Paul whined in pain as he started loping up the beach. I was afraid to know how much damage James had done, but I prayed that there wasn't too much, that he'd be able to heal. When Paul got to the tree line, he hesitated, as if unsure of which way to take me.

"Edward," I mumbled. "You have to take me to Edward."

Paul snarled.

"Please, Paul. I need Edward. If you ever cared about me at all, bring me to Edward."

Paul hesitated for a second, his head swinging one way and then the other, before taking off into the woods. I held on for dear life; I was too weak to talk anymore, and I had no choice but to put my life in Paul's hands.

**~*Edward*~**

It was hard to watch Izzy riding away from me on the back of Jacob Black's motorcycle. Then again, I raced like the wind through the woods, following them until I was sure Izzy was safely on the Res.

Once I was satisfied that Izzy was in good hands, I went hunting, quickly taking down two deer. I was anxious to get back to the house, so I could read what Izzy had written in the journal for me. So far, I'd only had a chance to read a few entries. It was painful to read the early ones from when she was still seeing Jack. I'd decided to go through it slowly and savor it, knowing just how much progress we'd made.

When I entered my room, Alice was sitting on my bed, pouting. Her golden eyes sought out mine, and they were anxious. "What is it, Alice? Have you seen something?"

"No, no. I'm just upset because I can't see Izzy when she's with the wolves. She's become like a sister to me, and I don't like it when I feel disconnected from her."

I smiled crookedly. "News flash, Alice: I hate it more than you do. It nearly killed me to let Jacob Black ride away with her on his motorcycle. Of course, I followed them all the way to the Res..."

"I know; I saw you once you left to hunt. Edward, is everything okay between you two?"

"Yes. We did have a little spat last night, but it ended... quite agreeably." I smirked.

"I'm not even going to ask. If it's what I started to see alongside the 101..." Alice held up her hand.

"Alice, I need a little time to myself. Izzy wrote something in the journal for me, and she wanted me to read it while she was gone."

"Sure. I'll catch you later." Alice hugged me around the middle before leaving the room.

Retrieving the journal, I settled on my couch to read, flipping the pages until I found the most recent entry.

_Dear Edward,_

_I know it was hard for you to let me go to the Res today. Despite the fact that I'm always telling you I can do whatever I please... the truth is, I don't want to upset you unnecessarily. My heart belongs to you now, boyscout—even when I don't act like it. It was very difficult for me to accept you into my life, and now you're so important to me that it leaves me vulnerable—and, frankly, that scares the _shit_ out of me._

_I think you know this, but I want to repeat it again: I don't want anyone but you. I would never let Riley or any other man come between us. That Izzy doesn't exist anymore... The last few times I was with Jack, all I did was cry my fucking eyes out. Jack is wonderful, but I hated every minute of his hands on me just the same. Your hands, your lips... those are the only ones that I'll ever want on me again. Believe it. Believe it, or I'll kick your ass, you hear me?_

_Last night was just... wow. Feel free to get rough with me on the hood of your car any time. That was_ so_ hot. I don't know... we might have to find you a new nickname—boyscout suits you less and less each day. See... I've corrupted you. You seem to be enjoying it though, you perv, so I guess it's okay. Anyway, this is a bit sappy for my tastes. You're turning me into a fucking pansy, Edward._

_I'll see you soon. I hope you can read between the lines and know what you really mean to me._

_Izzy_

A smile flitted over my face. This _was_ pretty sappy for Izzy, but I loved it. Her defenses were slowly coming down, and she'd finally accepted me into her life. On some level, she had to know we were mates—whatever she might call it; the pull was too strong to ignore.

That's why when I felt a pain wrench inside my chest, I knew something was terribly wrong.

"Alice!" I called out hoarsely.

Alice was at my door in a flash with her eyes wide. "What is it?"

"You have no sense of Izzy yet?"

"No. Should I?"

"Well, I do. Alice, I have a gripping pain in my chest—I know it's her." The pain was nearly debilitating, and I had a hard time standing up straight. Fishing my phone out of my pocket, I called her cell.

Her voicemail picked up on the third ring, '_Hey, it's Izzy... I'm busy causing a ruckus somewhere. Leave me a message... entice me to call you back. Later.'_

"Izzy, it's Edward. Please call me back the minute you get this—something isn't right." I slammed my phone shut. "Damn it!"

"Edward, you don't know what it is..."

"Yes, I do. I'm telling you, something's wrong."

Calls to Jacob's cell and Billy Black's home were fruitless. A horrible feeling continued to descend over me, and I decided to go to the Res—treaty be damned.

"Oh, Edward, what are you thinking?" Alice shook her head.

"Fuck the treaty," I spat.

The problem was, with this pain in my chest, I didn't think I was going to be very useful. Suddenly, Jasper was standing by the door. "I'll go with you, Edward."

"No!" Alice cried.

"Don't worry, Darlin'; we'll be okay."

"Then I'm coming, too." She crossed her arms, and her mouth was set. Jasper didn't even bother to argue with her.

The three of us rushed to the front of the house to decide on a course of action, but it turned out that it wasn't necessary. In the distance, I heard someone approaching; someone that was sending out a beacon of distress in their mind—pain beyond anything I've ever witnessed.

_Fuck me. I have to get her to him. Fucking bloodsucker. God damn it; I don't know if I'm going to make it. Is she even—fuck! It hurts so bad! _The flow of thoughts stopped as blinding pain hit him, and a pained howl echoed close by in the woods.

Jesus. It was a wolf.

"Alice, Jasper! There's a wolf headed this way—an injured one. Maybe he'll have answers."

Nothing could have prepared me for the site of Paul limping out of the woods with Izzy splayed on his back. There was blood everywhere, and I quickly noted a gaping hole in Paul's right side.

"Dear God," Alice gasped.

Jasper's mouth hung open.

"Izzy!" I cried out. I could hear the comforting sound of her heart beating, and it was strong and steady. Thank you, God.

"Edward..." her voice was a mere whisper on the wind. "Need you."

As I drew closer, I realized Paul wasn't the only one bleeding; the tang of Izzy's blood was in the air. I stood in front of Paul, unsure if he was going to give me a problem or not. His mind was swirling with nonsensical thoughts and images.

"Paul?"

_Edward, take her. Hurry... I think I'm dying. Everything's getting dim..._

Paul started to topple, and I was afraid he would land on Izzy, crushing her body. I moved around the side of him quickly, catching her in my arms as he fell to the ground with a loud boom. His heart was still beating, albeit sluggishly.

"Get Carlisle! He's got to come home now!" I ordered.

Alice sprang into action, dialing Carlisle at the hospital from her phone.

My attention turned to Izzy hanging limply in my arms. She was deathly pale, and there were twin tracks of blood running from her nose. Her eyes appeared to be having trouble focusing. "Edward," she whispered. "I need Edward."

"I'm right here, baby. You're in my arms."

Her hand came up slowly, feeling over my face, and she leaned her head into the crook of my neck and breathed in. "Oh, God, yes." Her lips moved against my skin. "I thought I'd never see you again..." Then the tears started, and Izzy sobbed quietly, and I think it's because she was too weak to do anything more drastic.

I sank to the ground, cradling her in my arms. "It's okay; I've got you. I'm never letting you out of my sight again." I smoothed back her hair, which was a snarled mess. She kept her face buried in my neck, her left hand fisting my shirt. "Izzy, what the hell happened?"

"James," she whispered. "I just couldn't allow it; I couldn't. Had to stop him."

"AHHHHHHHHH!" A blood curdling scream came from Paul, who had now phased back to his human form and was writhing on the ground naked. There was a gaping hole in his side, and fresh blood poured out. "Fuck me! Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

Izzy lifted her head for the first time. "Paul? Is that Paul?"

"Yes; can't you see him? He's right there."

"No," she whispered. "I can barely see, Edward."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know; just like I don't know why my nose is bleeding. I'm scared, Edward." She gripped my shirt tighter, clinging to me for dear life.

"Don't be scared, love. If I have to, I'll change you. I won't let anything happen to you; I promise."

"You would do that?"

"Yes. I'd do anything for you. _ Anything_." I pressed my lips to her temple.

"Paul saved my life. If it wasn't for him, I _would_ be dead. Is he going to be all right?"

"Alice?" I looked up.

"I can't see him, Edward, but Carlisle's on his way. We can't take Paul to a regular hospital; not the way the way the wolves heal."

"AHHHH! Shit! My fucking insides are going to fall out. I'm going to die here," Paul moaned, squirming on the ground. "Kill me... _please_. Just end this. The fucking pain!"

Jasper crouched next to Paul and spoke to him quietly. "Paul, I can help you with the pain if you want. I might not be able to get rid of all of it, but I can help ease your suffering."

"Do it! Fuck!" Paul screamed again.

Jasper's eyebrows furrowed with concentration, and slowly, Paul's screams subsided, and his body stilled.

Izzy looked up at me a moment later, a wry smile on her pale face. "Hey, boyscout."

"You can see me now?"

"Yeah. You're so beautiful, Edward." She reached a hand up to caress my cheek. With my enhanced vision, I could see some blood behind her eyes when I looked deep inside them. Carlisle would need to examine Izzy in addition to Paul. He'd probably want to do a CT scan on her.

"No, you're beautiful. God, Izzy, you scared me to death." I hugged her tighter against me.

Izzy stiffened in my arms. "Edward, I'm not feeling too good," she whispered. Then she looked up at me, grabbing my face between her hands. "I can't let this go on. You have to know the truth before something happens to me..."

"Izzy, calm down. Nothing is going to happen to -"

"Shut up, boyscout! I have something I need to say."

"What is it, love?" I stroked her hair, looking down into her eyes.

Izzy still held my face between her hands, and her eyes searched mine for a moment. "Edward, I... love you." And then her hands went slack, her eyes rolled back, and her head drooped as she slipped away.

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**A/N: So... what do we think? Izzy finally said the words. I know a lot of you have been waiting for that! I have been, too.**

**'I Want It Painted Black' and its characters have been nom'd in a number of categories of the Walk of Fame Awards. 'I Saw You Coming' has been nom'd for a Coven Empress Award for best vamp centered fic, and Yours Truly is up for a Rising Starlet award. Thank you so much to those who nom'd me! Take a look and vote for your faves.**

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**My story 'Broken Windows' won second place (public vote) in the Pick a Pick Challenge. Thank you **_**so**_** much to those who read and voted for my story. It will be continued for approximately 2-4 chapters.**

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	11. Chapter 11 Wrapped in Angel Wings

**A/N: Hey, everyone! Thanks for being patient while I take on so many writing projects. Hello to my new followers! *wave* BTW, some of you have PMs turned off, so I can't respond to your reviews or send you teasers. I'm not ignoring you, really!  
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**I'm not a doctor/nurse, but I do work in the medical field, and I have had transfusions myself, so the information in this chapter should be fairly accurate.**

**Love and hugs to my pre-readers, Keye and Sandy, for their dedication and friendship.**

**A huge stash of Peter Petrelli and Damon Salvatore pOrn to Jess (jkane180), the fastest beta in the west. Mwah!**

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**Chapter 11**

**~Wrapped in Angel Wings~**

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**Playlist for this chapter:**

**Hemorrhage ~ Fuel**

**Broken ~ Seether (with Amy Lee)**

**Letting the Cables Sleep ~ Bush**

**Kiss from a Rose ~ SEAL**

**Haunted ~ Poe**

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**~*Edward*~**

"Izzy?" I pulled her close to my chest. "_Izzy!_" I yelled out hoarsely.

Her body hung limply in my arms, and she was so _absent—_more absent than I'd ever seen her. My chest raged with pain and anguish. I never even had time to revel in the fact that she'd finally said the three words I'd been waiting to hear.

Her pulse was thready, and she was completely gone. There was a difference between someone being asleep and being _gone. _Izzy wasn't there; my beautiful girl wasn't there at all.

"No, no, no. _Please._" I wasn't sure who I was begging for mercy.

Paul's head snapped in my direction. "Edward? Is she..." His face twisted in anguish.

"No, but... she's barely..." Raking a hand through my hair roughly, I refused to say the words. I looked down at her pale face and reached out a shaking hand to caress her skin.

"Do something, you stupid bloodsucker!" he screamed. "I didn't bring her all this way for her to die! If she dies, I'll fucking kill you!"

I flinched at the vitriol in his words. Despite the fact that Paul was lying there, possibly dying himself, his main concern seemed to be Izzy.

_Fuck! After all we've been through, she just can't die! I did all this for her. I know she doesn't love me, but I don't think I can go on if she's not here. God, it was hard to bring her to _him,_ but it was what she wanted. If he can't help her, so help me God, he's fucking dead for the second time._

I realized that underneath all the brawn and bullshit, Paul truly did love Izzy. He brought her to me, which definitely went against his grain; in fact, it must have been one of the hardest things he'd ever done.

"Paul, thank you for bringing her to me. I know this is hard for you, that your feelings for her are true. I love her, and I'll do anything to save her. If she dies, you won't have to chase me; I'll put my neck between your jaws."

"Deal!" Another spasm of pain hit Paul, and he writhed on the ground. "Fuck me!"

Izzy still had a lot of issues, but I thought the time may have come to change her. It didn't sound like she was going to make it otherwise. My arms tightened around her limp form, and I longed to see those beautiful, expressive eyes of hers. I wanted to see her defiant glare as she challenged me, the softness there when she was affectionate, the heat and desire when she wanted me... I gulped back a sob, bowing my head down to hers. "Come on, Izzy," I whispered. "Without you, I'm nothing."

Alice stood beside me, whimpering. "Edward, I can't see her because Paul is here. I'm scared. Jazz?"

Jasper stood from where he was crouched beside Paul and sauntered over. He knelt down beside me, his brow furrowed. He placed a hand on Izzy's cheek and touched it tenderly. I looked up at him in shock as he let a memory slip of helping Izzy with her addictions by giving her a 'false high.' I also saw the part where they agreed to keep it a secret from me.

"What the hell?"

"Not now, Edward." Jasper glared at me. "You need to keep yourself in check so I can feel _her_."

Jasper sat there for what seemed like an eternity but was probably only thirty seconds; time really seemed to slow when you were in dire circumstances. Jasper closed his eyes, and I could almost feel him blanketing his empathic ability over Izzy, trying to get back _something._

The sound of crunching gravel spitting up beneath fast moving tires announced the arrival of Carlisle. He slammed on the brakes, skidding sideways, and ran from the car, leaving the driver door wide open.

"Edward! What's happening?" Carlisle's eyes were absorbing everything at once, cataloging the scene and taking stock.

"Paul is badly injured; he has a... hole in his side. I don't know what's wrong with Izzy, but I think... I think she may be... dying." This time, I couldn't bite back the aggrieved sob that ripped out of my chest.

Paul turned his head to look at Carlisle. "Listen, Doc, don't even think of coming near me. You take care of Izzy first!"

Carlisle nodded and came to kneel beside Jasper with his medical bag. He cocked his head, listening to Izzy's thready heart rate. "Not good," he said grimly.

"She's not there at all," Jasper said sadly. "There's just a... a void."

"I'm going to change her," I stated, starting to stand up.

"No, Edward!" Carlisle shook his head. "You can't."

"What do you mean _I can't_?"

"Her heart will never withstand the venom. If you start the change right now, she'll die."

"But she's already dying, Carlisle!" I yelled in his face.

_I know, son. I'm sorry._ He shook his head sadly.

"NO!" I roared. "I won't allow it! I just found her, Father! Please do something. _Please_."

I knew he was right; Izzy would never make it through the change right now. Then I listened closer. The _whoosh_ of her blood didn't sound quite right, and my mind turned to all the blood that I saw mingled between Izzy and Paul as they arrived.

"Paul! Why was Izzy bleeding? Did James attack her?"

Paul's face scrunched up in consternation. "No, that's the weird thing. When I got there, James was holding her, but there was no blood on her. The strangest thing happened; he told her he was going to basically drain her dry while he, um, fucked her..." I hissed as the memory replayed in his head while he was telling us. "Then he told her once she was dead, he was going to bring her body to you, and while you were grieving over her, he was going to kill you. That seemed to make her_ really_ angry, and then... she just let out this inhuman scream, and she... she blew him back several yards. I know it sounds crazy, but somehow she did it. I attacked him, and we started fighting in the water. When he shoved his hand inside me, Izzy called out his name. I heard a pop and a sizzle, and then James was staggering back as he started to catch fire—she had a flare gun. When I got to her, there was blood pouring from her nose, but I didn't have time to think too much about it."

Carlisle and I looked at each other with dawning understanding.

"Her power, Carlisle!"

"It must have been too much for her. Powers like that weren't meant to reside in a human body. She must be hemorrhaging; that's why her blood sounds sluggish in her veins. We can try a transfusion. If we get it into her fast enough, and her heart holds out, she might make it."

"Power?" Paul echoed.

His question went unanswered when we heard the stampede of feet as other wolves headed our way. A few moments later, Sam Uley and Jacob Black burst out of the woods at a run, bare-chested, wearing only shorts.

"What the hell is going on here?" Sam barked at us, spotting Paul lying on the ground.

Paul spoke up immediately. "Sam—that son of a bitch that shoved his arm inside me down at First Beach was after Izzy. How's Leah? Is she okay?"

"Leah will be fine. The rest of the pack is back on the Res dealing with the aftermath of all... this," Sam said grimly.

Jacob ran up to me, falling to his knees. "Edward?" he whispered, his eyes full of questions and fear.

"I don't know, Jacob. She lost a great deal of blood; we're going to try a transfusion." Instinctively, I pulled Izzy in closer to me—her body temperature was cool, her skin clammy, and there was still no response from her; she was like a rag-doll in my arms.

"I'm so sorry. There's no way we could have known..." Jacob trailed off, the whole scene playing in his mind.

_Leah sneered at them on the beach just before they heard the howls in the distance—a pack signal that their land had been breached by vampires. Leah leaped to her feet, phasing into her wolf form and whining as Jacob ordered her to protect Izzy while he joined the rest of the wolves._

_Jacob phased mid-run, hurtling toward the woods, where the other wolves were already battling a number of vampires. They appeared to be newborns—extremely strong, but not very organized or strategic in battle. It was, however, a wonderful diversion plotted by a madman so he could get his hands on Izzy._

_Leah's thoughts reached the pack before she was knocked unconscious._

Holy fuck! There's a leech walking right out of the fucking surf! I'm going after him. Stupid, blood sucking... _Lights out. _

I shook my head. "It's not your fault, Jacob. You did the best you could under the circumstances. That sick son of a bitch knew exactly what he was doing. He waited until she was on the Res to make his move, knowing full well I wouldn't be there."

Carlisle was examining the wound in Paul's side, which was still oozing blood. He looked over at us with a grave expression. "Paul isn't healing. My theory is that he lost too much blood when he was injured. He's going to need a transfusion, but I believe it will have to come from another shape-shifter. If we use human blood, it won't contain the properties needed for his body to fuel the healing."

Sam nodded. "That makes sense, Carlisle. What can we do?"

"I need to test any wolves that are willing to donate blood to see if they're a match for Paul. We can't bring him to the hospital, but I have a small lab in the basement where I can run the tests. We can do the transfusion right here."

"Okay. Whatever we have to do to save him. I appreciate your willingness to help."

"There is one issue." Carlisle hesitated as Sam looked over. "Izzy also needs medical attention and a CT scan rather urgently. I have to go to the hospital with her because there may be some anomalies in her results as well. My other daughter, Rose, has been to medical school; she would have to take care of Paul."

Sam looked uncomfortable, but he could see the problem we were facing. "Are you sure Rose will be able to do this?"

"Yes, and I'll be available by phone if there are any questions. I'm expecting her and Emmett home any moment, but I'm going to call them." Carlisle dialed his phone, talking in a fast whisper. It figures it was Rose that answered because he had to smooth over her objections. Once he explained the dilemma, that Izzy's life was hanging in the balance, she stopped arguing.

Within five minutes, Rose and Emmett were on the scene. I climbed into the back seat of Carlisle's car with Izzy cradled in my arms; we'd decided that it would be best to show up by car, even though it wasn't faster.

Alice and Jasper stood by the car door.

"I feel so useless!" Alice stamped her foot, her face twisted in pain. "I love Izzy like a sister, and I don't even know if she..."

I grabbed Alice's hand. "If there's any way, we're going to make it happen."

"I know."

Jasper leaned his tall frame down to meet my eyes. "If anyone can survive this, it's your Izzy. She loves you so much, Edward, and I know she'll fight as hard as she's able to."

"Thanks, Jazz." I swallowed thickly.

"We'll meet you over at the hospital!" Alice yelled out as we sped away.

Carlisle called in to the hospital on our way and arranged a private room. "My future daughter-in-law is coming in. I'm going to have a private nurse, and I'll handle the type and cross-match. She's going to need several units of blood transfused. I also need a private room." He listened for a moment. "Yes, that room is perfect. Thanks for all your help, Lisa; you're an angel!"

"Are we all set?" I asked nervously.

"As set as we can be, son. I've got a private room at the end of a hall, I'll run the blood myself, and I'm going to call Ginny—she's a private nurse I've used before. She's human, but she's very discreet; if she sees something a little out of the ordinary, she won't bat an eyelash." Carlisle called Ginny, who happened to be finishing a job at a nursing home nearby, and she agreed to meet us in the room with phlebotomy equipment.

I refused to let go of Izzy, so Carlisle took us through a back entrance, and we went up a maintenance elevator that let out fairly close to the private room. I knew Izzy's body was cooler because I was holding her in my arms, but I was worried about her core temperature being too low. Her heart beats were still shallow and thready, although they remained the same as back at the house, which I supposed was a good sign considering the dire circumstances.

When the elevator doors opened, Carlisle moved quickly, taking a right and another right at the corner of the hall. One more short hallway led to three private rooms, none of which were occupied. Izzy's was the last one at the end.

It was a generic hospital room graced with pale green walls, framed watercolor prints, press-board furniture, a hospital bed and a TV on a bendable metal arm. There was a bank of windows facing the woods, and light was streaming in, creating beams in the dust motes that were suspended in the air.

"Edward, get her undressed and into this." Carlisle handed me a hospital gown sealed in plastic.

There was a light knock on the door; Ginny had arrived. She was a plump, motherly-looking woman in her fifties with iron gray hair cut in a practical bob. Her twinkling blue eyes met mine for a moment, and I saw understanding dawn. "You must be Carlisle's son. I'm Ginny. And this must be your sweetheart." She patted me on the arm. "Don't you worry, kid. We're going to take good care of your girl."

I liked her immediately, and I could see why Carlisle called on her from time to time. If she found anything strange or inappropriate about the way we were handling things, she never let on. Her mind was focused on Izzy and what could be done for her. She bustled about getting ready to draw a blood sample so Carlisle could run the type and cross-match while I changed Izzy into the hospital gown.

Izzy still lay there unconscious and absent, and I had to set myself to the tasks at hand to keep from falling apart. At one point, I was just staring at the cuff on her wrist, rubbing my finger over the silver crest that matched my own.

"You love her so much, don't you?" Ginny's voice startled me.

"More than anything," I choked out.

"I have a feeling—I get them about patients from time to time—that your girl is a fighter. It's going to be close, but I won't be a bit surprised if she pulls through just fine."

"Thanks, Ginny, and thank you for agreeing to help us."

"You're welcome. Carlisle pays real well, and he's quiet the charmer," Ginny tittered, blushing. "Okay, I'm all set here." Pulling Izzy's arm out straight, Ginny tied a tourniquet around her upper arm and tapped in the fold of her arm until a vein stood out. Smoothly, she slid the needle in and let the tourniquet loose as blood filled the tube. Removing the needle, she detached the tube and handed it off to Carlisle.

"I'll be back in a few minutes, son. Ginny, can you go check on the CT machine on this floor and see when it'll be available?"

"Sure thing, Dr. C."

And then we were alone.

Izzy lay in the hospital bed, looking so fragile and lost—so colorless. Izzy was the most vibrant person I'd ever met, and it was strange to see her just a shell of herself. Anxiety filled me, and I realized how she might have felt when I punished her by becoming like stone, refusing to blink, move, touch, talk. It was almost too cruel of a punishment. Moving her over slightly, I lay next to her on the bed, putting my arms around her.

"Izzy, I need you," I whispered brokenly. "Please don't leave me. We've come so far, my love. I won't be able to go on without you; I don't want to. If you die on me, I'm going to follow you."

I placed a kiss on her temple. There were two tracks of dried blood running from her nose, and I wondered if I should clean her up. Moving to get off the bed, I heard an indrawn breath from Izzy, and her heart spiked slightly, although she didn't twitch a muscle. Could she hear me talking to her? Did she know on some level that I was with her? I fitted my body back alongside hers, and her heart calmed immediately. Stroking the pads of my fingers along her creamy skin, I kept talking to her.

"Please, Izzy. For me. Fight like you never have before. I don't know what this power you have did to your insides—Carlisle is working as fast as he can to find out—but I hope you can hear me somehow, that you know I'm here." My lips ghosted along the side of her face, and my eyes slipped closed. I let out a small chuckle at the thought of Rose having to touch the pack. "Paul's hanging on. Of all people, _Rose_ is drawing the wolves' blood to see if anyone is a match for him. Paul isn't healing, and Carlisle's theory is that it's because he lost too much blood, so he's looking for a shape-shifter that can donate. Paul was so worried about you. He really—he really cares deeply for you."

I traced a path down the side of her neck and dipped my fingers inside the front of the hospital gown, flattening my hand until it hovered just over her heart. The feel of its beat was both comforting and fear-inducing because her heart _was_ still beating, but it was not her normal rhythm. Every beat was a reminder that her heart might give out at any moment, and I would be left alone and lost without her.

Nuzzling my nose into her hair, I brought my lips against her ear. "Can you hear me, Izzy? Do you have any idea what this is doing to me? Knowing that I can't change you right now—that we have to get blood transfusions into you or..." I faltered, wondering if I should even be telling her all this, but I knew that Izzy would want to know the truth. "Izzy, fight... please. If we don't get some blood into you, you're not going to make it, and neither will I. I love you more than my own life. I wish I could trade places with you right now. I would do anything for you."

I felt and heard the change at the same time—under my fingers, Izzy's heart started beating harder, and she was breathing deeper, gasping breaths. Lifting my head, I looked down at her face, but there wasn't even a twitch.

_Edward..._

My eyes widened. "Izzy?" How could I have missed her lips moving?

_Edward..._

This time, I knew I heard her, and I didn't miss any movements because there were none. Somehow, I was hearing her thoughts. "I heard you. I don't know how, but I did."

_I love you. I'm sorry._

Bringing my head back down, my lips rested against her ear. "I love you, too, Izzy. So much. What are _you _sorry for?"

_For not listening to you. For leaving you. Forgive me._

"Leaving me? What are you talking about?"

_I'm dying, Edward. I can feel myself fading._

"No! Just hold on. Carlisle will be back with the blood soon."

_I don't know if I can. There's this light, and it looks so... warm. I feel drawn to it._

"Izzy, no! Don't leave me," I begged. "I'll never make it without you."

_You will. Promise me you'll live for us both._

"No." I pulled her tighter against me as if I could force her to stay with me by wrapping her in my arms.

_Fucking promise me, boyscout! If you love me, you'll promise._

I smelled fresh blood, and my head shot up off the pillow. Two new rivulets of blood trickled slowly from Izzy's nose, and a stab of fear lanced through me. "Izzy, stay calm. Whatever you're doing, it's making your nose bleed again. Please hold on—for me. I can't do this without you."

_Have to stop talking to you. The effort to open my mind must be causing the bleeding. I'll try to hold on. Just know that no matter what happens, I love you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me._

Bringing my lips to hers, I kissed her softly. I came away with some blood on my lips, and it was the bitterest taste that ever touched my tongue. Izzy's heart started to race, and her breathing grew shallow. Panic welled up in me. What was taking Carlisle so long? Was she dying right now? The thought struck me that she was probably scared to death trapped inside her body this way, and instinct told me to try what worked for her nightmares. Scooting in closer to her, I put my arm and leg over her body, burying my nose in her hair. "I'm right here; I've got you. I love you so much. I'll try my best—that's all I can promise you—but I'm not going to have to because you're going to make it. I'll be right here with you the whole time."

Izzy's heart slowed, and her breaths came slower and deeper. It was working.

The door opened a few minutes later, and Carlisle hurried in with several bags of blood and plasma. "How is she, son?"

"Hanging on. I heard her, Father—her mind. But more blood started coming from her nose, so I made her stop. She feels like she's... dying." The last part came out on a sob. "Do something. Please."

"I need to hang the blood, son. Can you get off the bed?"

"_No_. I won't leave her side. I have to have my hands on her."

Carlisle looked me in the eye. _Is this really necessary, son?_

I nodded.

"Izzy can hear us?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Okay, Izzy, I'm going to start a blood transfusion in each of your arms to get it into you faster. You'll feel a slight sting as the needles go in; then we just wait. The fact that you made it this far is a good sign. Hold on a little bit longer."

"You have a lot of blood there." I whispered low enough that Izzy wouldn't be able to hear.

_Yes, son. Her hemoglobin was only four. She could have brain damage at this point. You said you could hear her mind—did she seem mentally intact?_

That made me smirk, thinking of the way she cursed at me a few minutes ago. I nodded. "Oh, yeah, she's in there all right—trashy mouth and all."

Carlisle grinned. _Good. We'll get these into her as fast as we can. Once she's stable, we'll do the CT scan._

Carlisle took her blood pressure before starting the transfusions, and he didn't look pleased. _It's 90/0, Edward. I can't even get a diastolic pressure on her. _His movements sped up as he pierced the skin of each arm with the needles and hung a bag of blood on an IV pole on each side of the bed.

There was a light tap on the door, and Ginny stuck her head in cautiously. "How's everything going in here? Do you need any help, Dr. C.?"

"I hung the blood, so we should be good for now. Maybe you can stay around in case I need you?"

"Sure thing. I'll be in the nurse's lounge right up the hall." Ginny looked over at me and winked. "Try not to worry too much, kid."

"I'll try. Thank you for your help." I offered her a small smile.

The only thing we could do was wait and hope enough blood got into her veins before her heart decided to quit or other organs were damaged due to lack of blood flow. I never even tried to move from the bed again; I sat on the edge, with my hip up against hers, and held her hands in mine. I couldn't lay down with her any longer because of the plastic tubing running from the bags of blood down to the needles in her arms, delivering life-saving sustenance to her body. The bags seemed to empty at an excruciatingly slow pace.

Pulling one hand away from hers, I ran my fingertips gently down her forearm, wrapping my fingers around her wrist. It comforted me to feel the patter of her pulse, and it seemed to be growing a little stronger as time passed.

My cell vibrated in my pocket; it was Alice.

"Hey, Alice."

"She's doing better." There was a smile in Alice's voice.

"Yes, a little. Have you seen..."

"She'll make it, Edward. She can't do that... thing anymore, though. Another huge burst like that will probably kill her on the spot. Carlisle's going to find hemorrhaging in her brain, but something about it will be odd. It gets fuzzy after that part, though. Sorry I can't tell you more."

I closed my eyes. Trying to force Izzy not to use her power would be like trying to stop a train that was moving at full speed. I'd just have to make sure she had no reason _to_ use that power, at least until I could change her.

"Thank you, Alice. Izzy, Alice says you're going to make it. No more using that power, though; it's causing bleeding in your brain. The CT scan will show it."

Carlisle looked over at me. _Is the CT still necessary then?_

I nodded gravely and whispered, "Something out of the ordinary is going to show up, but Alice doesn't know what—it got fuzzy at that point."

"Where are you, Alice?"

"Jazz and I are downstairs in the coffee shop. I figured you'd want some time with Izzy, and we'd be available if you needed us."

"Thanks. How's Paul?"

Izzy's heart rate elevated slightly.

"Not sure yet. There was a lot of snarling—mostly from Rose—but she finally got a blood match for Paul from Seth. She's doing the transfusion now, but we just don't know if it will be enough because they can't take that many units from Seth."

"What about Leah? She's Seth's sister; she might be a match for Paul."

"Um, they can't find her."

"What do you mean?"

"She's gone. Apparently, she just took off, and unless she phases, Sam can't Alpha command her back or even figure out where she is."

"Has there been any change at all in Paul's condition?"

"He wasn't healing yet, but the bleeding's stopped. It's frustrating that I can't see them! _So_ annoying."

"I know. I'll call Rose and check in on them in a while." I stroked Izzy's arm absently.

"You heard her," Alice said, sounding pleased.

"I did, but it's bittersweet because it caused more bleeding. At least I know she's in there, and she can hear me."

"She finally told you she loves you."

"The only thing in this world I want to hear more is that she's going to be okay—not just for today, but long enough to be ready..." I drifted off.

"You're going to change her." There was a certainty in Alice's voice that I found comforting.

"Yes."

"She'll be stunning, Edward."

"She already is."

"She is," Alice agreed.

My index finger skimmed Izzy's palm, and her fingers twitched in response, grabbing my attention. "Izzy?" I brought my fingertips to rest against hers lightly. "Can you do that again?"

Izzy's fingers curled slightly, rubbing against mine, and I felt as though my heart might restart in my chest. She wasn't fully awake yet, but she was coming around. The sound of the blood whooshing through her veins seemed healthier now, more plentiful, like a bubbling stream instead of the trickling of a nearly empty creek bed.

"I'll let you go." I could tell Alice was grinning from ear to ear.

"Talk to you later," I answered absently; the only thing holding my attention was Izzy.

Leaning forward, careful not to disturb the plastic tubing that ran from the IVs, I kissed her lips softly. "Come back to me, love. I can't wait to see those beautiful eyes," I murmured against her mouth, and her heart rate spiked.

Carlisle smirked at me, obviously hearing her heart pick up. _Easy, son. You don't want to rile her up too much before we get that CT scan._

"When?" I asked him.

_When these bags are finished, she should be stable. We'll take her to CT scan then. You can hear how much better her heart and blood flow sound already. I don't know what we'll find during the scan, but it appears she'll live, son._

"Thank you, Father." I bent close to Izzy's ear, smoothing back her hair. "As soon as the bags of blood are finished, we're going to bring you for a CT scan. I'll be with you the whole time; don't worry about anything."

~*O*~

When we reached radiology and entered the room where the CT scanner was, I found the sound of rushing air and humming equipment rather soothing, although I wasn't sure why. Ginny administered the contrast dye that would go through Izzy's bloodstream, highlighting everything and allowing us to see anything out of the ordinary.

Once Izzy was strapped down, Carlisle slid her inside the CT machine. Her heart started to race, so I put my hands on her legs, stroking them tenderly. "It's okay, love. I'll be right here the whole time. I promise I won't leave you."

As the machine made its clicks and whirs, I contemplated why Izzy still wasn't awake and moving. She knew I was there, she could hear me when I spoke to her, and yet, the only movement she'd made was a slight curling of her fingers. I couldn't help but worry, even though Alice said she would pull through. She _had_ said something odd would show up on the CT scan.

After about an hour, Carlisle stepped into the room. _You have to see this, Edward. I'm not sure exactly what it means, but it's most definitely _not _normal._

"What do you mean; you don't know what it is?"

_The scan took extra long because things were happening even as I was scanning her. I'll need to show you the films, son._

"I can't leave her." I shook my head.

_Let's get her back to her room. I'll bring the films in there._ Carlisle turned toward the door.

"Father... is it bad?"

_I don't know yet, son. It's... complex._

Of course it was.

**~*Izzy*~**

_Edward. You have to take me to Edward..._ My voice echoed around inside my own mind.

_Bring me to Edward._

_Edward. You have to take me to Edward..._

Paul snarling, hesitating with indecision.

_Edward. You have to take me to Edward..._

Blood poured from my nose, its metallic taste coating the back of my throat as I nearly choked on it. Strange images flooded my mind... were they real?

Edward's golden eyes filled with love...

Darkening eyes filled with lust...

His eyes black with anger over Riley... over James.

Edward leaning in and gripping my hips as he took me on the hood of his car.

Edward with angel's wings wrapping around me, so softly.

Edward watching me ride away on Jacob's bike.

And then he faded away, his lopsided smirk the last of the image to go.

No.

_Edward. You have to take me to Edward..._

Movement... that felt all wrong—like being jostled on the back of a horse face down. My fingers were curled into claws, but what was I holding? I wanted to open my hands, but they wouldn't obey my commands. I wanted to see Edward, but he wouldn't appear before me.

_Bump. Bump. Shift. Bump._

I heard a pained whimper that wasn't mine. Where did it come from?

_Bump. Bump. Shift. Bump._

The taste of more blood drained down my throat—Jesus, I was swallowing my own life force down. How much could roll down my throat before I gagged or died? I felt it trickling from my nose and down over my lips, too. Shit—was I bleeding out? I'd heard that term somewhere. The only thing I wanted was Edward.

_Edward. You have to take me to Edward..._

I never told him I loved him. Tears tried to fall, but they were dammed up inside me.

_Edward needs to know I love him._ My lips moved slightly, but no sound came out.

I tried harder.

"Edward needs to know... I... love him."

Who was I telling? The air? The cosmos?

_Bump. Bump. Shift. Bump._

I heard another whimper and a snuffling sound.

Paul! I was on Paul's back! Was he taking me to Edward?

"Ed...ward..." My voice rasped as though in a desert with no water, but blood continued to pour down the back of my throat in a steady stream—shouldn't that lube things up? Why couldn't I talk right? My tongue felt too big in my mouth, swollen. "Edward..." This time it came out as a wisp of air that I could barely hear myself.

Suddenly, there was a halt in the stilted, but hypnotic, movement of the animal beneath me—Paul in his wolf form—and I could feel a blast of fetid, hot breath as he roared at me. I figured that meant he was taking me to Edward, wasn't happy about it, and wanted me to shut the fuck up. Frankly, there was nothing I could do in my present condition either way—I was trapped on the back of this beast, and I had no choice but to trust that he would bring me home. _Edward _was home now.

I slipped in and out of consciousness, unsure of what was real and what was in my mind as more visions of Edward floated by.

The day outside the school when Edward and I connected so strongly that I felt pulled to him like a magnet... the way he kissed me so tenderly, yet possessively, letting everyone know I was his—hand wrapped around the back of my neck as he pulled me in tight, the fingers of his other hand entwined with mine.

Edward licking my scars, the burn like acid, and then making sweet love to me.

The day Riley gave me the pearls, and Edward tied me down to the bed. The lost, insecure look in his eyes as he made love to me afterward.

Exchanging gifts and then making love under the soft light of the Christmas tree.

_Bump. Bump. Shift. Bump._

The hypnotic movement of Paul's body beneath mine suddenly ceased, and I could feel him shifting as he started to topple. It was beyond me to do anything to stop myself from falling at that point, and my body slid in a sickening descent toward the ground.

Someone caught me, and even though I pried my eyes open, everything was in shadow. "Edward. I need Edward."

"I'm right here, baby. You're in my arms." Edward's concerned voice was a balm to my soul, and I was so relieved to be with him again. Although it had only been a matter of hours since I'd seen him, it felt like an eternity.

I reached a hand up, caressing his face, nuzzling my nose into the crook of his neck, and breathing him in. I whispered words against his fragrant skin—I'm not even sure what they were—and then the tears started to fall. I couldn't stop them, and I didn't try; the relief of being in Edward's arms was overwhelming.

Edward sank to the ground, his arms wrapped protectively around me. "It's okay; I've got you. I'm never letting you out of my sight again."

_Oh, do you promise? Please, please never let go of me, my guardian angel._

I heard Paul screaming then, and I told Edward that I couldn't see him. Why couldn't I see him? I knew Edward and I were talking, but there was a roaring in my ears, and I wasn't even sure I was making any sense.

My body felt so cold; Edward's voice and Paul's screams sounded like they were coming from down a long tunnel. My fingers gripped his shirt reflexively, and I felt as though Edward was my lifeline—the only thing tethering me to this world—as a floaty feeling started to come over me, and my limbs started to feel numb.

From far away, I heard my voice speak, "I'm scared, Edward."

"Don't be scared, love. If I have to, I'll change you. I won't let anything happen to you; I promise."

Edward's love wrapped around me like the petals of a delicate flower, and suddenly the roaring in my ears diminished, and my vision returned. It was simply a moment of crystal clarity before I sank back into oblivion.

"You're so beautiful, Edward." I stroked his face, memorizing every angle and curve.

The roaring returned, and my vision was starting to grow dim. The long echoing tunnel stretched before me, and I knew my time on this earth might be limited. Before anything else could come between us, I had to tell Edward how I felt.

Grabbing his face between my hands with the last of my strength, I looked into his worried eyes. "I can't let this go on. You have to know the truth before something happens to me..."

"Izzy, calm down. Nothing is going to happen to -"

"Shut up, boyscout! I have something I need to say."

"What is it, love?"

As the light faded away, my last vision was of Edward's beautiful eyes. "Edward, I... love you."

~*O*~

I was floating... floating in a cocoon of care and softness, surrounded by angel wings, their downy feel wrapped around me like a blanket of love. I couldn't hear, speak, or even think, but I felt swaddled in love and a scent that seemed very familiar.

Every so often, something would echo down the long tunnel, but whenever I tried to tune into the sounds, they would bounce off the walls, overlapping each other and fading away. The harder I tried to grasp onto the vague tendrils of sound, the faster they seemed to slip out of my grasp.

Rather suddenly, the cocoon of downy feathers was removed—my cocoon was being ripped away, and I felt like I was falling into a black hole. A sound filled my ears—roaring mixed with a slamming sound—and dizziness overtook me to the degree that it seemed I was tumbling in the darkness. Panic welled up inside me; I had no idea where I was, and no coherent thoughts were being formed in my confused mind. Trying to reach out, to touch something solid, to grab onto something that might tether me to reality and stop my descent, I found no purchase as the feeling of dropping into a void picked up speed.

My free fall was stopped by softness as I felt the angel wings wrap around me once more, bringing me to a gentle stop. Awareness started to seep through my body and mind.

Cool lips touched my cheek.

Gentle fingers trailed lightly over my skin, coming to rest over my heart, the beating of which grew steadier and less drum-like in my ears as the sounds and smells around me came into sharper focus.

_Edward._ I could smell Edward's heavenly scent surrounding me, and I realized that_ he_ was the angel with the downy wings that had been protecting me. I heard the cadence of his voice, but not the words being spoken, and I struggled to listen harder. I was able to catch some of his words, and they were music to my ears.

"...and neither will I. I love you more than my own life. I wish I could trade places with you right now. I would do anything for you." His voice sounded so pained, so tortured.

I longed to comfort him, to let him know I was aware of his presence and could hear his words of love. I couldn't seem to locate my mouth—my essence seemed to be comprised of my mind and my heart, which was trying to beat its way into Edward's caring hand. Where was my mouth? Where were my eyes? Searching desperately for a way to communicate, I felt something _flex_ inside my mind.

_Edward._

"Izzy?" his incredulous voice answered back.

Okay, so I couldn't find my mouth, but somehow he heard me anyway. I tried again.

_Edward. _Pain lanced through my head, and I fought to hold onto that feeling of flexing that was allowing Edward to hear my thoughts.

"I heard you. I don't know how, but I did."

_I love you. I'm sorry._

Everything was shifting, and in my mind, I could see a long, paved road with waves of heat rippling up into the air. To the side of the road was desert as far as the eye could see and a cerulean blue, cloudless sky. What the fuck did that have to do with the price of death and dying? If I was going to die, I wanted to see my Edward.

We were speaking, but it barely registered in my overheated mind—perhaps that was the symbolism of the hot black asphalt—my brain was frying like an egg and time was limited.

_I'm dying, Edward. I can feel myself fading._

Edward was protesting, but I didn't hear the words.

Suddenly, I had a body, and I was standing in a semi-dark tunnel. One end held pitch darkness, the other a warm white light that pulsed. The light drew me like a magnet; there was an answering warmth blooming in the center of my chest, and the compulsion to be bathed in its glow was compelling. The mere desire to be near it caused me to glide its way—there was no need for feet here. As I drew closer, there was a mirror. When I looked into it, I was shocked.

The girl looking back at me had mahogany hair, softened features, and no viper bites or harsh make up. She gazed back at me and smiled tenderly. Reaching my hand out, I found that the mirror held no barriers, and I was able to touch her skin.

"Who are you?" I whispered.

"You."

The warm light pulsed out further, almost touching my skin, and I knew that once it was entered, there was no turning back. I hesitated. "What should I do?" I asked the girl in the mirror.

"Edward is begging you to hold on. You have to make a decision."

_Edward._

But the light was so welcoming, and the rest of the tunnel was cold and dank.

I turned toward the light, moving closer.

Edward begged me not to leave him.

_Promise me you'll live for us both._

"No." Edward's voice came through loud and clear. The angel wings wrapped tighter around me, and their comfort was starting to rival that of the white light which was beginning to fade.

"Make your decision," the girl in the mirror whispered.

_Fucking promise me, boyscout! If you love me, you'll promise._

"Izzy, stay calm. Whatever you're doing, it's making your nose bleed again. Please hold on—for me. I can't do this without you."

How could I leave him? If there was any way for me to stay with him, I had to try.

The girl in the mirror smiled. "I knew you would make the right decision."

_Have to stop talking to you. The effort to open my mind must be causing the bleeding. I'll try to hold on. Just know that no matter what happens, I love you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me._

The pain seared through my head, and I was suddenly hyper-aware of my body, which was wrapped in Edward's arms. His lips touched against mine softly.

My consciousness had returned, and I could hear everything going on around me, but my eyes, mouth, arms, legs—none of them would obey me. More blood trickled down the back of my throat, and I decided to halt my efforts and just be grateful that I could hear and feel Edward.

When Carlisle returned with the blood, he asked Edward to get off the bed. The thought sent a wave of panic through me, but I needn't have worried.

"_No_. I won't leave her side. I have to have my hands on her."

Yes. Thank God Edward understood that I _needed_ his touch to tether me here. I feared if he let go of me, I would simply float into the warm, beckoning light without my consent.

Carlisle explained what he was doing as he started the blood transfusion, and I was grateful that I could feel the prick of the needles as they pierced the skin of each of my arms. As the blood entered my system, I felt myself slowly gaining strength. Edward never left my side; his hands were always touching me tenderly.

When Alice called, Edward relayed to me that I should not use my power because it was causing hemorrhaging—I could have told him that—I could feel and taste my life draining away when I did. At the mention of Paul, my heart beat harder. I owed Paul a huge debt of gratitude; if not for him, I would be dead right now, and I never would've had the chance to tell Edward that I loved him.

I gathered from the side of the conversation I could hear that Paul was still alive, and they were doing what they could to help him.

"The only thing in this world I want to hear more is that she's going to be okay—not just for today, but long enough to be ready..." Edward's words touched me deeply; I had a feeling he was talking about changing me.

His finger trailed lightly across my palm, and my fingers finally obeyed me, twitching slightly.

"Izzy? Can you do that again?" Edward's voice was filled with delight, and when he brought his fingertips to rest against mine, it was easier this time to respond to his touch.

Ending his call with Alice, Edward's lips grazed mine. "Come back to me, love. I can't wait to see those beautiful eyes."

All too soon, the bed was moving as we headed for the CT scan. Edward's hand never left mine except when they had to strap me down and roll me into that fucking machine. I felt like such a pussy being afraid of a CT scan in a hospital after what I'd been through, but I couldn't control my heart rate as it spiked, giving me away.

"It's okay, love. I'll be right here the whole time. I promise I won't leave you." Edward stroked my legs, and the feel of his hands calmed me immediately.

_Pussy, _my inner banshee sneered at me.

For once, I was happy to hear her snarky voice—it meant that I was getting better.

"Hey, bitch," I greeted her.

_Oh, don't tell me you missed me, you fucking pansy!_

"Nah."

After the scan was over, I could hear Edward having a one-sided conversation with Carlisle, which alerted me to the fact that there was something Carlisle didn't want to say in front of me. _Shit_.

"I can't leave her," Edward said. Thank God.

After a brief pause, Edward said, "Father... is it bad?"

Fuck me.

On the ride back to my room, Edward held my hand, and I was able to curl my fingers against his lightly. My stomach rolled with nausea until the bed finally came to a rest. If I threw up right now, lying on my back without being able to move, would I just choke the fuck to death? I knew Edward wouldn't allow that, but if I was _alone_ here, I'd totally die from choking on my own fucking puke. I was shocked it hadn't happened with the amount of my own blood I'd ingested today. _Gross._

The needles slid back into my arms. _More of this shit? How much blood had I lost?_

"You're getting better, love. I can hear it in the strength of your heart and the sound of the blood in your veins. Once these two units of blood are in you, it's all finished. Now I just need you to come back to me." Edward's lips brushed against mine, and the familiar heated tingles raced through me.

There was a snapping sound nearby and the rasp of something sliding. "Edward, take a look," Carlisle said.

"What is that?" Edward asked. He kept his hand in contact with mine, but he was stretching slightly away from me.

After a brief pause, Edward said, "It's okay, Carlisle. Whatever it is, she'll want to know."

"See these areas here, here and here? Those are bleeds in various stages of healing. There's another over here that appears to be even older."

"Yes, but what does that mean?"

"Let me show you this image now." I could hear the films sliding against each other as he changed them. "What do you observe here, Edward?"

"It's worse. Those areas are bleeding freely. Are you telling me..."

"No, Edward. This is the _first_ image I took; the one I showed you before was the last one."

"That makes no sense."

"I know."

_What the fuck are these two talking about? How about some English? _my inner banshee bitched.

"That means that she's... healing?"

"Yes. I would wager if we take another scan in a few hours, most of the bleeding will have stopped. These old ones were less severe; I'm guessing this one and this one are from when she knocked Jasper down. Has Izzy ever complained of nose bleeds?"

"No, never."

_Yes. Shit! I thought it was the fucking blow._

"Um, Edward... this is a little bit awkward, but have the two of you been having... unprotected sex?"

"What does _that _have to do with anything?" Edward sounded a bit embarrassed.

"Have you?" Carlisle persisted. "It could be important."

_It could?_

"Yeah. I didn't think... I mean, vampires are sterile, so... did I do this, Father? Is it _my _fault that Izzy almost died?" Edward's hand tightened on mine, his voice horrified.

"No, son. Actually, just the opposite; I think it may have saved her life."

_What?_

~*O*~

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**A/N: Okay... so I'd love to hear your thoughts on everything. Also, I'll most likely be writing an outtake of this story for one of the FGB causes. Let your voice be heard—what would you like to see? So far, the most requested scene is Edward losing his V-card.**

**You can follow me on Twitter for all sorts of random musings, news and teaser info. (at) SaritaDreaming I also have a blog where I'll be posting all of my stories, special outtakes and teasers. Teasers are posted there first, and sometimes I post special little appeteasers that won't be offered anywhere else. No more than 2-3 messages per week. www . Saritadreaming . Wordpress . com **

**My upcoming projects:**

**On March 17****th**** I'll be posting my Darkfest entry a J/B twisted tale called **_**'Inside You.'**_

**On March 18****th**** I'll be posting my FADV one-shot **_**'Remember When It Rained.' **_**The link to the banner and teaser is on my profile.**

**In early April, I'll be posting the continuation of my collab with wmr1601 **_**'Speak Now.' **_**The prologue is up on my profile, so put it on alert if you're interested!**

**I'm writing an outtake of Betti Gefecht's story **_**'Little Green and EasyBella'**_** for the FGB Autism cause.**

**I'm writing a one-shot based on a banner made by the talented Tkegl called **_**'Temptation'**_** for the Fandom 4 Sexual Assault Awareness.**

**Further info and links are on my profile if you're interested.**

**The next story to be updated will be **_**'I Saw You Coming.'**_

**Thanks for reading!**


	12. Chapter 12 The Only Exception

**A/N: Hello, awesome readers! Sorry this took so long to get out, but I hope the 5 alarm lemon will make up for the wait. *wink* See my note at the bottom for news about a special outtake and some nomination information.**

**Edward licks to my awesome pre-readers, Keye and Sandy, for all their support and friendship. Love you guys! Thanks to Keye for providing most of the musical inspiration for this chapter.**

**A huge pile of Damon porn to my beta, Jess (jkane180), for her super-fast, awesome skilz.**

* * *

**Chapter 12**

**~The Only Exception~**

* * *

**Playlist for this Chapter:**

**Living in a Dream ~ **_**Finger Eleven**_

**Wicked Game ~ **_**Chris Isaak**_

**Animal ~ **_**Neon Trees**_

**The Only Exception ~ **_**Paramore**_

**Undisclosed Desires ~**_** Muse**_

**Sweetest Sin ~**_** Jessica Simpson**_

**~*I*~**

_**And I've always lived like this  
Keeping a comfortable distance.  
And up until now I've sworn to myself  
That I'm content with loneliness.  
Because none of it was ever worth the risk.**_

_**Well, you are the only exception.**_

_**~Paramore**_

******~*I*~**_**  
**_

**~*Izzy*~**

There was a pregnant pause in the room—shocked silence from Edward—as my mind whirred around. _Unprotected sex with Edward saved my life?_

"Carlisle, what are you saying?"

"The only explanation that makes any sense to me is that... your venom is healing Izzy. Yes, vampires are sterile, but you're aware of the venom. It's not as strong as from a bite, but it's there just the same. I suspect that your venom has been absorbing into Izzy's tissues and healing her."

"And if we hadn't had... unprotected sex?" Edward asked carefully.

"Izzy would be dead right now."

_Holy fuck! Edward's jizz saved our lives! _My inner banshee was never one to miss pointing out such a fun fact or being eloquent with her words. _We're definitely keeping him... and the sex is great, too. Who would have guessed our boyfriend had super spunk?_

I would have smirked, but my mouth wasn't working, which drew attention to the fact that it was a little scary to be trapped inside a body that didn't execute your commands, especially for me. Thank God Edward knew I needed him, that he insisted on being with me, his hands always on me.

"What does this all mean?" Edward's voice was hesitant.

"I'm really not sure, son."

"What do you mean you're not sure? Is... is she _changing_? Will she start to..."

"There are no signs of that, Edward. Honestly, we're in uncharted territory—I wouldn't even know what to look for. I've never heard of anything like this."

"So... what happens now?"

"We wait, we watch, and I'll want to repeat the CT scan in a few days to see what's happening in there."

Edward sighed, his hand tightening on mine. "Isn't there anything more..."

"I'm sorry, Edward, but there isn't. I can't exactly knock on The Volturi's door and ask if they've ever seen a case like this one, can I?"

"No, I don't suppose you can. The last thing we need is for Aro to become interested in Izzy and the fact that she knows about us. I'm sure they'd also be very interested that we have a shape-shifter recuperating at our home. We're batting a thousand here, Carlisle."

"Try not to worry yourself, Edward. As soon as Izzy's awake, I want to move her to the house. We don't need anyone getting overly curious around here, and we'll be able to watch her better there, in case –" Carlisle's voice drifted off, and there was a slight pause before Edward spoke.

"Let him try." Edward sounded angry, and I'm pretty sure it had to do with James. They wanted me back at their house so I would be surrounded by vampires that could protect me. I wanted that, too—I hated hospitals, and I'd had a firsthand taste of what James was planning. I was ballsy, but I wasn't stupid.

"She seems to be stable for now. Will you be okay here with Izzy if I go home to check on Paul, or would you rather I stay?"

"Go and check on Paul. I'll call you if we need anything."

A moment later, we were alone.

Edward reclined on the bed next to me, snuggling up against the left side of my body. Part of me was ashamed to admit how much I needed him—I was afraid if I lost contact with his tender touch that I would simply fade away. Even though I'd been aware of what was going on around me for a few hours, my body still wouldn't obey my commands. It scared me, and it also walked all over my sense of self—I hated being out of control. Shit... what if I never woke up at all? What if I was stuck inside my body permanently, able to feel and hear everything going on around me but unable to respond?

My heart started to pound, a rushing sound whooshed in my ears, and it felt as though I couldn't catch my breath... like some kind of shroud was closing in, suffocating me. Fuck!

Cool lips ghosted along my cheek. "I'm right here, baby. I can hear your heart racing and smell your fear. I won't leave you, and you're _going_ to wake up. Sometimes the body shuts down so it can heal, and so much damage was done when you used your power on James."

Edward's words were like a soothing balm settling over me, pushing away the darkness that threatened to swallow me whole. What he said made sense—shit, nobody knew better than me that a lot of damage was done when I blasted James; my lifeblood had been literally draining away out my nose and down the back of my throat. A tremor worked its way through me when I thought about the tunnel I'd been in and how close I'd come to giving in to that warm, pulsing white light. If I zoned out, I could almost feel it still beckoning me home. _No_, home was with Edward.

Then there was the girl in the mirror. She wasn't Bella; she seemed to be somewhere in between what I was now and what I'd been back then, before all the shit hit the fan. Did that mean someday I could be her? Was she tucked away inside me waiting for her chance to emerge? God only knew, my inner banshee didn't allow much room for anyone else—she was so busy bristling and protecting us that she often missed the mark with her anger and snarkiness. For instance, she'd tried to discourage me from letting Edward in, but he was the best thing that ever happened to me.

"There you go," Edward whispered against my ear, sending a pleasant chill through me. He shifted in closer, placing his arm and leg over me and calming me further. Soon, I found myself drifting into a sea of downy angel wings...

_Opening my eyes, I looked around. A gentle breeze blew my hair in my face, and I swiped at it, revealing a view of the beach. How did I get here? Turning my head, I saw the rock Leah had been perched on when James attacked. The waves crashed against the rocks, and the sky was iron gray, threatening rain any moment._

"_Oh, Izzzzzyyyyy..." a sarcastic voice called to me, sending shivers up my spine._

_I spun around, but there was no one in sight. I kept turning, trying to see everywhere at once, and I stumbled, falling to the sand._

_A sinister chuckle echoed all around me, seeming to come from every direction at once._

"_Edward?" I called out. "Edward, where are you?"_

"_Edward is no more, sweet thing. I tore him apart and burned him to ash." This time the laugh was loud and filled with delight. "Edward can no longer stand in our way..."_

_As my heart clenched hard, James appeared on top of the rock, shirtless, wearing only a pair of jeans. His arms were spread wide, a smile of triumph on his face._

"_No! You lie!"_

"_Afraid not, princess. Edward can no longer stand between me and thee." James chuckled. "As a matter of fact, Edward no longer has... wait for it... a leg to stand on! A little hard to 'gather yourself together' when you're just a pile of ash! Ha, ha, ha!" James appeared to be enamored with his own sick sense of humor._

"_I'll kill you, you son of a bitch!" I cried out, scrambling to my feet._

"_Oh, I doubt that, princess. You won't be able to use that mojo on me again without killing yourself, too."_

"_You think I give a fuck about that, James? Are you that fucking stupid?" I stood to my full height, stalking straight for him. "Let's see how you like it!" I screamed, unleashing a wave of power that knocked him clear off the rock._

_James got up out of the water, shaking himself like a dog. He laughed. "That was fun, princess; what else you got?"_

_Rage bubbled inside me, and I felt the ~_flex~_ inside my mind just before James' arms were ripped from his body by an invisible assailant. His metallic shrieks brought a smile to my face, even as blood was streaming from my nose and down my throat._

"_You bitch! Who's going to die first, though? You're already bleeding out; you can't keep this up for long..." _

"_You, James. Definitely you."_

_Throwing my head back, I let out a war cry... ~FLEX~_

~*O*~

"Izzy! Izzy, stop!"

What the fuck?

"No, no, no. Damn it, Izzy! Carlisle, she's bleeding! What should I do?"

Darkness. No beach; no James.

Edward! James said he killed Edward! But I could hear Edward's sweet voice, filled with worry over me.

"Not that much, just a trickle out her nose, but she was thrashing around so much the IV ripped out."

More blood trickled down the back of my throat, and my bile rose up, choking me. My throat closed down, and I lost my breath.

"Mm-mph..." My head turned to the side, and my mouth opened, spewing a stream of hot liquid.

"Shit! How far away are you? She's vomiting blood." Edward's voice was soft but frantic. After a slight pause, he sounded a bit calmer. "That makes sense. She probably swallowed down a great deal of blood today... No, I'm okay with the blood... Yes, I'll let you know if it gets any worse... I'll see you soon."

Edward must have been on his phone with Carlisle. I'd been dreaming about James on that beach, and maybe when I used my power there, it manifested in more hemorrhaging. Great, now I couldn't even _dream_ about using my power?

There was a swirling feeling deep in my belly, and I retched. More blood was about to come up; a whole lot more than the first time, I feared.

"It's okay, Izzy. You swallowed down a lot of blood today, and this is your body's way of getting rid of it. I'm going to turn you on your side so you don't choke." Edward sounded calmer, which helped me to relax slightly. He turned me until I was on my side, and I heard a scrape as he pulled something over—maybe a garbage can? The bed dipped as he sat down beside me, holding my hand in one of his while using the other to rub gentle circles on my back. "Breathe, baby. You're going to be all right; I promise."

Another jet stream of hot blood poured from my mouth. Shortly afterward, I felt things righting themselves. My body felt more 'there,' and I was able to start moving my limbs slightly. I thought I was on my way to being fully aware, but I was afraid to get my hopes up too much.

The door opened, and I could hear Edward conversing quietly with Ginny.

"Edward, Carlisle called me. Don't worry about her vomiting the blood; her body just needs to expel it. I'm going to get something to clean her up with, okay?" Ginny's voice was gentle and matter-of-fact, lulling me further.

"Thanks, Ginny; that would be great. I – I can't leave her." Edward sounded desperate, and I knew he needed to have his hands on me just as much as I needed him close by.

"No need, sweetie. That's what I'm here for," Ginny reassured.

A short while later, I was bathed and dressed in a fresh hospital gown. Ginny left after Edward assured her several times that he could handle it from there.

With Ginny gone and Edward snugged back against my side, I was ready to try something. I could feel all the parts of my body, unlike earlier when I seemed to be all consciousness and drumming heart. Locating my eyes, I demanded that they open... and they did. The lights were bright and garish, causing my lids to narrow to slits, but the room slowly came into focus. Shifting my eyes to the right, I sought out the only thing I desired to see—Edward.

"Hey," he said softly, his golden eyes crinkling at the corners as a relieved smile spread across his face.

Turning my head toward him, I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Frustrated, I tried again, but my voice box was on strike.

"Shh... don't try to talk yet." Edward placed a cool finger over my lips.

If I couldn't talk to him, I wanted to do _something_ to let him know how thankful I was, so I kissed his finger and tried to convey with my eyes how much him being here meant to me. The crooked smile I received in return was a reminder of how much I loved him, and the dream of James flitted back into my mind unbidden, causing panic to well within me. If James ever got to Edward...

All the breath left me again, and my chest clenched painfully as I gasped for air.

"Breathe, Izzy. There's nothing to fear here."

Oh, but he was wrong. I _did_ have something to fear, and I was right where I always swore never to be—completely dependent on Edward for my happiness. If James harmed Edward, I didn't think I would survive it. I just prayed that James never realized how much of an Achilles heel Edward was for me.

~*O*~

The next few days were a blur of pokes, prods, and testing, tempered by snuggles from my favorite vampire. Edward refused to leave my side—refused to remove his hands from my body—for even a second, and by the time Carlisle announced that he felt I was stable enough to return to the Cullen's house, Edward had faint purple shadows forming beneath his eyes.

Paul was doing much better, although there was a bit of dissent about him staying at the Cullens until he was well enough to go back to the Res—most of said conflict coming from Rosalie, of course. She apparently hated the smell of 'dog' that permeated everything and said they would need to fumigate after he was gone.

Sometime during my second day in the hospital, my voice came back, and I was able to fully move my body. I felt heavy, stiff and sore—the light, airy body I'd had in the tunnel was such a contrast—but I wanted to be wherever Edward was, so I dealt. Walking for the first time proved to be an exercise in frustration; you would think I was Rip Van Winkle, asleep for years!

The subsequent CT scan—done early because of the additional bleed after the nightmare about James—indicated that my brain bleeds were not only healing rapidly, but the damage was _reversing _itself. According to Carlisle, this was further proof that it was Edward's venom absorbing into the tissues of my body that was healing me.

Edward first saved my life when he found me all slutty, snarky and self-destructive and refused to give up on me. He saved me that day in his room when he put himself in harm's way by jumping feet first into a fight with James. He saved me when he caught me off Paul's back and refused to believe there was no way to keep me alive. His body, too, had saved me—the venom that flowed through him was healing me, and Carlisle had confirmed that I would be dead without the venom's intervention. Could I owe Edward any more than I already did? Even my inner banshee had nothing rude to say. But I also knew that I could never repay him, never be good enough for what he was, what he deserved.

My thought train was interrupted by the door swinging open and Alice dancing through it. "Hey, Izzy! You're being discharged today!" She clapped her hands in obvious delight.

"I am?" I glanced at Edward, who was reclining next to me with his fingers running absently through my hair. He just shrugged.

"Carlisle just decided. He'll be here in three... two... one." Alice swept a hand toward the door, which opened, admitting a smiling Carlisle.

"I see I don't need to give you the good news." Carlisle chuckled. "You're officially out of here... on the condition that you stay at our house where I can monitor you."

I smirked. "That won't be a problem, since _your son_ won't remove his hands from me, and I've been practically living there anyway." I glanced slyly at Edward. "At least the bed will fit us both comfortably there."

Edward looked at me with mock affront. "If you hate having me crushed against you, we could arrange a private room."

"Don't even think about it, boyscout. It would be nice to have a little... romping around room, though."

"Okay, you two. Time to go." Carlisle gave us both a stern, fatherly look, which was really kind of cute.

I was allowed to go into the bathroom alone to change into the clothes Alice brought for me—just barely. When I came out, Alice had left.

"I'll get a wheelchair and -" Carlisle started, but was interrupted.

"No need for that," Edward said smoothly, sweeping me up into his arms.

Carlisle gave him a look. "You're going to have to let go of her sometime, Edward."

"I know, but not yet." He leaned his head down and kissed me on the nose.

Surprisingly, I was on board with Edward's possessive behavior. My arms went up around his broad shoulders, and I snuggled into his neck, breathing deeply of his sweet scent. He carried me bridal style through the hospital and down to Carlisle's car. On the ride home, he held me on his lap in the back seat. Carlisle shot a few amused glances in the rearview mirror, shaking his head slowly.

"Edward, you need to hunt soon," I whispered, sweeping my index finger over the shadow beneath his left eye.

His body stiffened. "Not yet; I'm fine."

"Edward." My fingers stroked over his cheek, and I waited for his darkened eyes to meet mine—they were steely with determination, but I could see the hunger there. "You've been taking such good care of me, but I want you to go hunt soon, okay? I promise to be good. I'll stay in a room with your whole family while you're gone if it makes you feel better."

"I will, but not tonight. I just got you back, you're coming home to my bed, and I just want to be with you. I _need_ to be with you."

"Why? Is something wrong?"

"No, not anymore. I almost lost you, Izzy. Do you understand what that would do to me?" Bending his head down, he pressed his lips against my temple, and I could no longer see his eyes.

Contemplating his words, I realized that, yes, I absolutely understood what it would do to him because I was now in the same boat. My blood turned to ice in my veins as the dream about James flitted through my mind once again.

"Yes, Edward; I understand too well," I whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"I dreamed about James, and he... killed you." My arms tightened around Edward's neck, and I burrowed in closer. "It's the same for me; if I lost you, I don't think I would survive, Edward."

The car pulled up outside the house, and Edward lifted me out, still holding me in his arms. He looked down into my eyes. "You'll never have to find out, Izzy. I'm not going anywhere, and I promise you, if that bastard is still alive, we're going to get him." His lips met mine softly, and I felt so warm and loved.

A little while later, I was propped up on Edward's bed, eating a dish of fettuccine. _ To die for. _

"Oh, my God..." I moaned around a mouthful of pasta "...this is so fucking good."

Edward was perched on the side of the bed, a look of amused affection on his face. Tilting his head to the side, he wrinkled his nose.

"What?"

"You... smell wrong."

"I _smell_ wrong? What the fuck kind of statement is that? Is that your way of telling me I need a bath?" I asked, affronted.

Edward chuckled. "No, Izzy. The blood transfusions... you don't smell like... you."

"Oh! I never thought of that." I reached out to caress his cheek. "That must be disturbing for you."

"Not as disturbing as it would have been to lose you," he answered quietly, grabbing my hand in his and placing a soft kiss in the palm of my hand.

He'd been rather quiet since we got home—contemplative—and I wondered what was going through his mind. I decided to give him a little time; we'd both been through a lot the past few days, so I didn't want to add me grilling him to the mix. I tucked into my fettuccine, making sounds of approval and joy with each bite. Hell, I thought I'd never see the light of day again, let alone eat something as delicious as a dish of pasta made by vampires who don't even eat. Esme had been watching the cooking channel so she could feed me since I've been pretty much living here. So sweet.

There was a light knock on the door, and I turned my head to see Paul standing there—well, he was propped up by Jacob, but at least he was upright. He was wearing a pair of loose sweats and no shirt. Bandages were wrapped around him, covering the wound where James had plunged an arm into his side. Jacob looked relieved to see me in one piece, which was followed by a chaser of guilt—probably because he feared he'd made the wrong decision by leaving me with Leah. Frankly, I would have made the same decision because it seemed as though all the danger was out in the woods, not there on the beach.

"Don't, Jacob." I shook my head. "I'm not mad at you. There's no way you could have known what James was up to; you made the logical decision."

Edward nodded his head. "She's right."

"Hey," Paul said softly. He prodded Jacob in the side, and they made their way slowly over to me. Edward pulled a chair next to the bed for Paul, who gratefully collapsed into it with a grunt. "Fuck me; this still hurts so god damn much! If I ever come across that fucking leech again..."

Leaning over, I took Paul's hand in mine. "Paul, I'll never be able to thank you for what you did."

"Aw, fuck, it was nothing, Iz."

"Bullshit. I know you didn't want to bring me to Edward, but if you hadn't... I'd be six feet under right now."

Edward stood up. "Jacob, why don't we give them a few minutes alone?"

"Sure, sure. Izzy, feel better." Jacob managed a smile, but I could tell he was still upset.

"Thanks, Jake."

The two of them walked out of the room, leaving me rather surprised. Edward hadn't voluntarily left my side since this happened, so what was he up to? It was nice of him to give me time with Paul, but somehow I knew that wasn't the only reason. Paul's hand tightening on mine broke me out of my thoughts.

"Izzy, are you okay? Really okay?" His dark eyes watched me closely, his handsome face pale underneath the earthy tone of his russet skin.

"Yeah, I'm good, Paul. Um, it's kind of complicated, and I don't really want to get into details, but I'm going to be fine. What about you? You still seem to be in a lot of pain."

Paul snorted. "Well, try having a vampire stick his hand in _your_ side and poke around your guts for a while. It fucking hurts, Iz. I'm healing, though. Once they found Leah, it helped speed things up."

"Leah?"

"Yeah, I needed blood transfusions from other shape-shifters because of the healing properties; human blood wouldn't have helped me. Seth was a match, but they could only take so much blood from him. Leah went missing for a day, but when she came back, she was a match, too."

"Is that why you aren't fully healed yet?"

"Yeah. By tomorrow this time, I should be almost back to my normal asshole self." Paul smirked.

"Where was Leah?"

"She felt guilty for what happened, and she took off to be alone. Until she phased again, she had no idea what had happened, but she rushed right back and gave me some blood."

"Paul, I'm sorry." I threw the words out there then looked away.

"What the fuck are you sorry for?"

"Hurting you. I was a bitch, and –"

"Nah, don't go there, okay?" With great effort, Paul moved himself onto the edge of the bed and opened his arms. "Come here."

I wasn't sure this was the best idea, but I leaned into his embrace, putting my arms around him carefully so I wouldn't hurt his side. He pulled me in tight against him with a sigh. "Oh, Izzy. It's so hard for me to see you with _him."_

"Paul..."

"No, let me finish," he said softly. "It's really hard for me to watch you with Edward, mainly because I can see how much he loves you and how much you love him back. I loved you, but you never felt that way about me. When you thought you were dying, the only thing you wanted was Edward. When we're in the most dire circumstances, that's when our true and honest feelings come out—there's no bullshit, no hiding. You love Edward, and he would do _anything_ for you. I want that for you, Izzy. I'm a selfish prick, and I wanted you for myself, but after seeing your love for each other, I can't in good conscience try to interfere—even if he is a leech." Paul laughed bitterly.

"Why did you come to the beach—how did you know?" I rested my cheek against Paul's pec, closing my eyes.

"It's kind of what I just said, Izzy. When the worst happens... you can't control your thoughts and desires. Sam Alpha commanded me to stay away while you were on the Res, but when I heard what was happening, I begged him to let me loose. I had to try to protect you."

"Paul, that's so fucked up." Tears pricked at my eyes. He came back to save the woman he loved... who was in love with one of his natural enemies. For Paul it was a lose-lose proposition, and he came anyway, knowing that it was.

"No, shh... no, it isn't. I love you, but you weren't meant for me. You have nothing to feel guilty about; you were always up front about how things were." He stroked my hair, cradling my head against his chest.

"I should have seen it, but I was too absorbed in my own drama. I know I never lied to you, but it doesn't make me feel much better about this. What will you do now? You know Leah has a thing for you, right? That's why she hates me so much."

"I'm going to stay alone for now. It wouldn't be fair to Leah if I got involved with her knowing that I could never fully love her, commit to her. Someday, maybe I'll find what you and Edward have, maybe I'll imprint—hell, I don't know—but I know that it would be wrong for me to use Leah to get over you, and that's exactly what I'd be doing."

"Oh, Paul," I sighed against his warm skin.

A moment later, he was pushing me away. "Yo, Izzy, I may be injured, but I'm still all man, baby. Unless you want a _big_ issue to pop up between us... you need to stop touching me."

"Oh, my God... you sound so mature, Paul!" I snickered.

"Oh, _my_ God, Super Bitch has been tamed by a vampire."

"If you tell anybody, I'll shank you."

"I've had worse." Paul pointed to his bandaged side, which was a sobering sight. "Seriously, though... if you ever need anything, you come to me. And if Edward ever hurts you..."

"He won't," I said confidently, and I believed it; Edward would never do anything to hurt me. "So, what the hell is Jacob's problem?"

"He's feeling guilty about you and Leah getting attacked."

"But he did what was logical! I don't understand –"

But I never got to finish my sentence because I could hear raised voices out front. When I heard Edward's, I started to get really concerned. My eyes shot to Paul's, and he grimaced, obviously able to hear more than I could.

"Oh, shit," he cursed softly. "You might want to stay inside for this."

My eyes were wide as I rushed out of the room, leaving Paul stranded. I hurried down the stairs only to be grabbed by Jasper.

"Oh, no you don't."

Jasper easily held me in his arms as the voices rose in volume just outside.

"Let me go, Jasper." I struggled and squirmed to no avail.

"No can do."

"So help me, I'll _make_ you let me go, Jasper!" I warned.

Not wanting to chance me using my power against him, he raised his hands in surrender. "You're going to want to stay out of their way."

"Whose way?"

"Edward and Riley."

_Oh, fuck._

Opening the door carefully, I peeked out. Edward was a few yards away from the house, blocking Riley from coming any closer. Emmett stood a few feet away, arms crossed over his broad chest, and Rosalie was by his side, watching.

"Walk away, Riley." Edward's voice was angry.

"Look, man, I don't want any trouble; I just want to know if she's okay." Riley held his hands up, a benign expression on his face.

"I told you; she's fine. Not that it's any of _your_ business."

"I'd like to see for myself."

"I don't give a _shit_ what you want," Edward spat. "You think I don't know that you've tried to come between us?"

"I'm dating Lauren, man."

"Stay away from her. She's_ mine_."

"Oh? Does she see it that way?" Riley moved forward, attempting to go around Edward, who adjusted his stance.

"Yes, she does." Edward put a hand flat against Riley's chest, pushing him back. "How did you even know anything happened, Riley? The school wasn't told anything."

Riley looked like a deer caught in headlights, and I saw Edward cock his head to the side as he listened to Riley's thoughts. Suddenly, Edward snarled, grabbing Riley and slamming him into the nearest tree with a loud_ BOOM! _The tree teetered, threatening to topple over.

"You son of a bitch! You know James! You've been helping him!"

What? Riley knew James?

"No, no, no! It's not what it looks like!" Riley pleaded.

"The fuck it's not!"

And then they were tumbling on the ground, moving so fast I couldn't tell where one began and the other ended. Dirt flew up into the air, and all I could see was a tangle of arms and legs as animalistic snarls issued from the dust cloud.

Fear started the adrenaline pumping through my veins, and I leaned forward, but Jasper grabbed my arm.

"Don't. If you got hurt, Edward would never forgive himself. You can't get into the middle of this."

"Stop them then, Jasper! If Edward got hurt, I would never forgive _myself_."

There was a muffled boom, and the cloud of dirt started to settle. Edward had Riley pinned to the ground, and I could see his face now. He looked every bit the fierce vampire at that moment, and I could tell he was a worthy adversary. Riley couldn't move, although he snarled, struggling mightily.

Emmett strolled over, looking down on them. "Ni-ice, Edward." Then he addressed Riley, "Dude, I wouldn't try to fight Edward anymore if I were you... unless you're not so attached to your head."

Riley glared up at Emmett. "I was just defending myself. I have no argument with any of you."

"I see it different," Edward spat, letting out a rumbling growl. "Start talking or die." He hauled Riley up to his feet, fists clamped on the lapels of Riley's jacket.

"Fuck, man! How did you even_ know _I knew James?"

"You reek of him. His is a scent I'll not likely soon forget."

Was it demented of me to be turned on by Edward's fighting prowess or by the fact that he was defending my honor? I felt wetness pooling between my legs, and I rubbed them together. Now that that the worst of it seemed to be over, I couldn't wait to get Edward upstairs. Licking my lips unconsciously, I leaned against the doorway, watching them.

"Shit, Izzy. You're a piece of work." Jasper shook his head—he'd obviously picked up on my lust.

I laughed. "I can't help it, Emo Boy."

Edward's head snapped my way, and he looked pissed off. "What the hell is she doing out here, Jasper?"

"Um, hello? I'm standing right here; you can ask me what the fuck I'm doing out here yourself," I snapped.

Edward shook his head. "Now is not the time. Please go upstairs." Before I could come back with a snarky comeback, Edward spoke again. "Please. For me; go back upstairs."

When his blackened irises met mine, I wanted to tell him to fuck off, but I couldn't. Damn vampire.

"Fuck," I whispered, knowing I was defeated. Turning away, I went back upstairs, much to Jasper's surprise.

"What the –"

"Shut the fuck up, Emo Boy."

When I reached the bedroom, Jacob was sitting there with Paul. They were nudging each other and grinning cheekily.

"Fuck you both!" I yelled. "I'm_ not_ vampire whipped. I came up here because I wanted to."

_Keep telling yourself that; maybe you'll believe it, you fucking pansy. _My inner banshee had impeccable timing as always.

"Oh, don't you start now," I muttered, perching next to the open window and lighting a cigarette.

I was in so much trouble.

~*O*~

After I'd gone upstairs, things had remained quiet with Edward and Riley. I wasn't sure why, but I was surprised to hear that Riley knew James. Yes, he was a vampire and a drug dealer, but I really thought he liked me, and I had a hard time swallowing that he wanted to help James hurt me.

A short while later, after Jacob had helped Paul back to his room and gone home, Edward walked in. He leaned in the doorway for a moment, watching me. My heart picked up speed, and I just stared back into his dark eyes. I was standing by one of the windows, and in a split second, he crossed the room, pressing me up against the wall. His nose skimmed along my jaw, his fingers tangling in my hair.

"Izzy..." he whispered, placing soft kisses along the same path his nose had just traveled.

Arousal flooded through me, and I wound my arms around his neck, holding onto him tightly. Edward never failed to draw intense desire out of me, and even though I was curious as hell about Riley, I wanted Edward more.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes."

Cool lips continued to caress my skin—God, how I'd _missed_ this—and his pelvis rocked forward, pinning me harder against the wall. Edward's hands cupped my face, his thumbs grazing lightly across my cheekbones. His eyes were a smoldering onyx with faint swirls of gold as he gazed intensely at me without speaking. His breaths were coming in short pants, and mine started to match as I was mesmerized by his eyes, which were consumed with desire.

"I've missed this, Edward."

"Me, too. I can't wait until I can have you again," he whispered huskily, feathering more kisses down my neck.

"You can. I think I'm due for another treatment."

"Treatment?"

"Sexual healing. Not every girl can say her boyfriend's jizz saved her life." I smirked as Edward's eyes widened in surprise. He was so innocent sometimes.

"It's probably too soon."

"No, it's not soon enough. Shut up and submit to me, boyscout." My fingers wove into his hair, holding on tightly.

"You seem to forget that it's me who has_ you_ backed against the wall." Edward smiled down at me crookedly.

"Whatever works."

Edward's face grew serious, and he lifted me by the backs of my thighs, my legs automatically wrapping around his waist. I could feel his erection pressing against my center, and I cursed the yoga pants I was wearing. He held me up easily, and I licked and sucked at his fragrant neck.

"Izzy..." he groaned.

Lifting my head, I looked into his heated gaze. Edward's lips crashed into my own, his mouth devouring mine aggressively. Gone was my usual considerate, gentle lover. This Edward was hungrier. Maybe that's what almost losing the love of your life does—I knew I felt that way about him. Wrapping my arms and legs tighter around him, I ground my pelvis against his straining hardness while returning his kiss just as aggressively. His tongue pushed into my mouth, and I greedily took all he gave, our tongues caressing and exploring like it was the first time—and in a way, it was.

I didn't forget that my last words to Edward before falling into my alternate state of consciousness were, 'I love you.' I'd realized while bleeding out on Paul's back that I'd never told Edward how I really felt. I'd known for a while that I loved him, and I knew he loved me, too, but he'd been respecting my wishes by not telling me. Sometimes you miss your opportunity by waiting too long... not everyone gets a second chance. I didn't intend to waste mine because whether he knew I loved him or not, it didn't change how I felt. Falling in love wasn't part of my life plan, and I knew it left me extremely vulnerable, but now that it had happened, I wouldn't give it back for anything.

Pulling away from the kiss, I whispered, "Edward... I need to tell you something."

"What is it? Is everything okay?" He looked at me with concern, his breath coming in ragged gasps.

Caressing his face, I brushed my lips lightly across his, looking him in the eye. "I love you, Edward."

There was no describing the expression on his face—a mixture of heat, desire, love, happiness... relief. I knew he'd been waiting so long to hear me say the words, and I wanted to say them when I was of sound mind, not when I was half-dead and falling off the back of a werewolf.

"I love you, too, Izzy," he choked out. "So much. _Forever_."

And then his lips were on mine again, and we were moving across the room. We bounced onto the bed, Edward half on top of me, his hands moving over my body worshipfully, gently. His touch was so careful, as if he thought I might break, but I understood that, too—life was so fragile; love was so fragile. Even though we hadn't been together that long, the road to get here had been difficult, and we now had so very much to lose.

"Are you sure, Izzy? We can wait."

"I don't want to wait, Edward. Make love to me."

Edward buried his head in my neck, kissing and licking his way beneath my ear. "I thought I'd never hear you ask me to make love to you—never hear you tell me you love me." His voice was rough and full of emotion.

He removed our clothes much faster than usual; pants, shirts, and panties flew through the air haphazardly. And then he was hovering over me, his knee between my legs, pushing them apart. His hardness poked against my thigh, so eager and straining, and yet, Edward held back and leaned on his elbows, blowing out a huff of his sweet breath. His eyes fluttered closed, and he appeared to be composing himself.

"Edward?"

"I'm okay; just trying to get a hold of myself. I want you so much... I'm afraid of being too rough with you."

Bringing his lips down to mine, he kissed me deeply, sending waves of electric tingling through every neural pathway until my body sang with sensation. Was this time different—this kiss different—because we'd declared our love for each other? Was it possible for a special connection to be forged by the utterance of words?

His tongue delved into my mouth, and I brought my arms around his neck, his soft hair brushing my fingers. Spreading my legs around his seeking hips, I opened myself to him, welcoming him inside me. There was a rumbling in his chest as he pushed all the way into me, never breaking the kiss.

Full. I was so full of him... surrounded by him... enamored by him.

I arched my body, seeking a better angle, and Edward slipped an arm under my low back, supporting my position and drawing me closer to him at the same time.

Our skin touched together deliciously—hot and sweaty gliding against cool and smooth.

He grabbed one of my legs, throwing it over his shoulder, so he could go deeper, get closer.

His eyes were pools of burnished gold, searing into me. Always expressive, they were brimming over with love and desire.

I whimpered as he thrust into me, going so deep... but never deep enough. I wanted him to curl around me and consume me, so I could be inside him even as he was inside me.

The feelings building within me were overwhelming, and I wasn't sure what to do about them. The sex was always great, but this—this was something _other_.

"Edward... oh, my God. I –" My mouth worked, but nothing coherent came out, and my words dissolved on a soft whimper.

"Shh... it's okay. I feel it, too. You're mine, Izzy. Just mine. And I'm yours."

"Yes... always."

"_Forever_. There will never be anyone else for me," he whispered.

Ice washed through my veins at his words. What if I hadn't lived? What if something else happened and he couldn't save me?

"Promise me, Edward, if anything ever happens to me, you'll move on. I can't bear the thought of you being alone forever."

Edward's lips found mine again, and he kissed me long and hard. "Hush now. We belong to each other, and I'm yours as long as you'll have me."

Tears filled my eyes, and I didn't want to talk anymore. Just love. There was only room for love in that moment, and even my inner banshee had nothing to say.

"I love you, boyscout."

Edward's lips scorched my skin as he kissed over the mark he'd made on my neck. As his tongue peeked out to lick at it reverently, the most incredible sensation shot through my entire being, and my head tilted back of its own accord, exposing more of my neck to him.

"Oh!" I cried out as he continued making love to me with long, deep thrusts.

Slowly, wave upon wave of butterflies were gathering, fluttering in my tummy. Listening to Edward's soft grunts and moans as he sank into me over and over again drew me closer to the edge. His tongue flicking at his mark on my neck continued to send ripples of ecstasy flowing through my body.

"My beautiful girl," he whispered against my neck, sending shivers racing through me. "Love you so much."

Suddenly, even this wasn't enough. He was moving inside me, we were joined as one, and we'd finally exchanged 'I love yous,' but I still craved more.

"Take from me, Edward. I want your teeth buried in my neck when you come," I begged breathlessly, scraping my nails across his back.

A growl vibrated against my skin, and then his teeth sliced into the mark on my neck. He swallowed a few mouthfuls of my blood, his Adam's apple bobbing slowly against my heated skin. With each pull, I drew closer to the edge with him. Being connected to him in this way was so much more intense than anything I'd ever experienced. He suckled slowly, careful not to take too much, but each draw shot straight to my girly parts.

"Oh..." Ecstasy was filling my body to capacity, and I didn't know how much more I could stand. "Keep your teeth inside me while you come, Edward, please. I want us to be connected by my blood, too," I whimpered.

There was a rumble in Edward's chest in answer, and I could feel the vibration against my neck when he moaned. Running his fingers along the leg that was over his shoulder, he adjusted his body slightly so he could thrust even deeper into me.

"Oh, my God, Edward. I don't know how much more..." I panted.

Edward was inside me, and through my blood, I was inside him. We'd declared our love for each other, and I felt like there were no more barriers between us... we could become one. It scared me and thrilled me at the same time. But there was no time to think anymore as my insides began to melt and swirl with ecstasy.

Without Edward's eyes on me, I allowed mine to flutter closed. A rainbow of colors and sparks shot across the back of my eyelids, and I felt as light as a feather as my body seemed to disappear, and I became a ball of sensations.

His teeth buried in my neck, his cock plunging into me over and over, his gentle touches, his soft moans against my neck as he drank... all of it melded together to create one incredible mega-sensation that I feared might vaporize me. It would be an ideal way to die.

In slow motion, I felt myself coming apart until I was simply a point of consciousness composed of ecstasy... no body, no mind, no mouth—although, from a distance, I could hear myself crying out.

"Mm-mm, Edward... I love you... Love you... Forever."

At the same time, I could feel Edward still suddenly. He let out a prolonged moan as his cool seed pumped into me.

And then I was overtaken by downy angel wings... floating on a cloud of love and comfort as I came down slowly from my high. Gradually, I became aware of the room around me, of Edward's arms encircling me as we lay in his bed.

When had he removed his teeth from my neck and licked the wound closed? When had he pulled out of me?

For a moment, I panicked, raising a hand to swipe at my nose, but there was no blood. Blinking my eyes, I lifted my head from its place on Edward's chest to find him looking down at me adoringly.

"What... what the hell just happened?"

"Shh... it's okay. You finally let go. Don't forget, I was drinking from you." Edward lowered his eyes sheepishly. "It can be a bit... mind blowing for a human."

"Um, you think?" I smiled. "I lost myself there for while. It was kind of scary."

"Wasn't it good for you?" he asked with concern in his eyes.

"Was it..." I laughed, unable to help myself. "It was fucking awesome, Edward! Are you kidding me?"

One arm was wrapped firmly around my body, and his fingers rubbed absently along the bare skin of my arm, raising goosebumps. His lips curved into a lopsided smile. "That good, huh?"

"Quit fishing for compliments, Edward. You already know you're hot in the sack."

"You're pretty hot yourself, Miss Black." He caught my chin in one hand, tilting my face up for a kiss. His lips moved over mine softly for a moment before he flipped our positions so he was hovering over me. His eyes were smoldering hot, an emotion I couldn't quite place residing there, and then he dipped his head down to kiss me again.

Licking along my bottom lip, Edward slid his tongue into my mouth, kissing me slow and sensual this time, all urgency gone. It didn't stop the butterflies from batting their wings in my stomach as he smoothed back my hair.

"Izzy, I love you so much."

"I love you, too, Edward." It was getting easier and easier to say.

"I want to make you mine," he whispered.

"I'm already yours. How much more yours could I possibly be?"

Edward leaned his head down to place soft kisses along my neck, stopping over the now-healed mark. "Let me change you, Izzy."

**~*I*~**

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**A/N: Izzy finally found her only exception. Do you think she'll let Edward change her? I have a feeling a certain group of firefighters and paramedics will be laying down bets on this one... hehe.**

**IWIPB has been nom'd in a few categories of 'The Sunflower Awards.' My other story '**_**Broken Windows'**_** has also been nom'd and is competing against IWIPB for Best Vampire Story. The awesome banner that Betti Gefecht made me for IWIPB has also been nom'd. Thank you to the angels that took the time out to put my stories up!**

**h t t p : / / www . thesunflowerawards . blogspot . com**

**This week you guys are in for a special treat! TwilightGuru09, a talented fellow author who writes **_**spanktacular**_** stories, has written an outtake featuring Jack the Dom working with Rose and Emmett. This outtake will be posted on my profile in **_**'Jack's Playroom: Outtakes from IWIPB.' **_**So, if you're up for a little D/s, keep your eyes peeled for this little gem.**

**If you haven't already, check out **_**'Speak Now,'**_** my collab with wmr1601, for some wedding crashing fun!**

**I'm working on a Vampire Diaries one-shot for the Fandom4Tsunami, starring the schmexy Damon Salvatore.**

**The next story to be update will be **_**'Shattered Into a Thousand Pieces.' **_**I know... it's been a long time between updates, but it's on the way!**

**Thanks for reading. Reviewers get TEASED!**


	13. Chapter 13 A Road of My Own

**A/N: I'm so sorry it's been so long since IWIPB updated. This chapter gave me quite a bit of trouble, but I'm happy with the way it finally turned out, and I hope all of you are, too. The good news is that the next chapter is already partially written, so the wait shouldn't be so long.**

**Heart fail warning for this chapter. Suggested items: extra set of panties... and some tissues.**

**Also, this comes to you unbeta'd, so any mistakes are mine. There's a bit of a delay, and I didn't want to make you guys wait any longer. I'll replace this with the beta'd chapter later on.**

**Thank you to Keye, Sandy and Wendy for their prereading, suggestions, hilarious commentary and help with musical inspiration. Love you guys!**

* * *

**Chapter 13**

**~A Road of My Own~**

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**Playlist for this chapter:**

**Call Your Name ~ Daughtry**

**Broken ~ Seether**

**Breaking Inside ~ Shinedown**

**Bleed ~ Hot Chelle Rae**

**Sorry ~ Buckcherry**

**Hey Pretty ~ Poe**

**A Rose in the Wind ~ Anggun**

**I'll Stand By You ~ The Pretenders**

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_**Shivering as I trace  
A road of my own  
Cut by the deep cold**_

_**What to do with this love that I'm in?**_  
_**I have given you all of my soul**_  
_**Flying all of my life like a rose in the wind**_  
_**Tell me why I am always alone**_  
_**Hang on to me tight, and a rose in the wind**_  
_**Will be with you wherever you go**_  
_**All the way back home**_

_**Can I take you back there?**_  
_**Drifting on the warm air**_  
_**Say you'll follow me anywhere**_  
_**All of our nights**_  
_**Into the jade skies**_

_**~Excerpt from A Rose in the Wind by Anggun**_

**~*IWIPB*~**_**  
**_

**~*Edward*~**

"Mm-mm, Edward... I love you... Love you... Forever," Izzy cried out as she came apart beneath me.

Hearing the word 'forever' cross her sweet lips triggered my own release. I stilled, moaning long and low as my seed pumped into her. _My_ seed—_my _venom—had saved Izzy's life and would continue to heal her. Removing my teeth from her neck, I gently suckled the venom out and re-closed the wound with a sweep of my tongue.

Izzy's grip on my hair grew tighter, and then she blissed out. Her cries, whimpers and sighs filled the room, and her eyes didn't see me. For a moment, I was concerned, but there was no scent of blood and her vital signs were stable. She hadn't taken any drugs; I would have tasted it on her blood.

And then it struck me—something indelible had changed between us. I could feel it, coursing through the venom circulating in my body like a living entity. It was different than the electric tingling I felt when I touched Izzy. This... this was deep within me, a part of me, and I suspected something similar had happened to her. Since Izzy was human, the effects on her would be far more profound.

The difference today, over all the other times we'd made love, was Izzy's admission that she loved me. I could _feel_ her letting go, loosing the bindings and giving herself to me completely. She might not understand what being mated meant, but what we'd just shared... that was it. There was no turning back now—not that there ever was for me.

Oh, how I wanted to explain it to her, to tell her she was forever mine. But Izzy balked any time someone or something took away her choices. If I told her that she was bound to me as surely as I was to her—would she run from me? The thought caused a flare of pain to shoot through a body that shouldn't have been able to register pain and hasn't for almost one hundred years. The thought of being away from her caused the venom in my body to_ scream_, and it scared me. For the first time since I'd acclimated to my vampiric nature after I was turned, my body felt foreign and unstable. Not only did I love Izzy, but I'd somehow_ physically _bonded to her. I wasn't even sure exactly what this meant, but I was almost certain it was related to her being my mate. Jasper was probably the one I should be discussing this with.

It took nearly twenty minutes for Izzy to come down from the bliss state. Twenty minutes is a long time for a ruminating vampire, and by the time she opened her eyes, we were laying on my bed, and my arms were around her. She lifted her head from my chest, peering up at me with startled cinnamon eyes.

"What the hell just happened?" she asked breathlessly. The confusion behind her eyes was apparent, and I wondered just how much I could say without spooking her or causing a ruckus.

"Shh... it's okay. You finally let go. Don't forget, I was drinking from you." I looked away, slightly embarrassed that I'd so readily sunk my teeth into her neck. "It can be a bit... mind blowing for a human."

"Um, you think?" she smiled. "I lost myself there for while. It was kind of scary."

Perhaps I'd misread her. Maybe the experience _wasn't_ as bliss-filled as it had appeared. "Wasn't it good for you?" I asked with concern.

As usual, she surprised me. "Was it..." She laughed. "It was fucking awesome, Edward! Are you kidding me?"

"That good, huh?" I smiled crookedly at her, my fingers rubbing absently along her skin, drawing gooseflesh.

"Quit fishing for compliments, Edward. You already know you're hot in the sack," she snapped, an amused look in her eyes.

My dead heart clenched hard, and I couldn't stop the onslaught of memories from crashing over me like a tidal wave, dragging me under. _James and his sick games, the skinned cat he left on our porch, the way he waited for Izzy to be on the Res to attack, Izzy's nearly lifeless body being deposited into my arms as she fell from Paul's back... _She'd nearly died—she _would_ have if not for my venom circulating in her system.

The thought of Izzy being gone—dead—sickened me. _She's come so far... maybe she'll be okay if I..._

Pushing my thoughts back, I answered, "You're pretty hot yourself, Miss Black." Gripping her jaw lightly in my hand, I lifted her face to mine, kissing her tenderly. The contact between us ignited something inside me, this need to possess her completely, and before I knew what was happening, I'd flipped us, pinning her to the mattress. _Remember how fragile she still is._ I had to remind myself how easy it would be to break her, and I bent my head down to kiss her lips. Slipping my tongue into Izzy's sweet, hot mouth, I took my time, exploring and memorizing every nuance of her. I wanted to remember every little thing about her.

"Izzy, I love you so much." The words tumbled from my lips.

"I love you, too, Edward." Deep in her eyes, there was a sense of recognition, and her body relaxed beneath me. She was able to declare her love so easily—it was no longer a huge struggle. Looking down into her eyes, so full of love, decided me. If she wanted me, if she was ready... I would change her.

"I want to make you mine," I whispered.

Izzy's eyes clouded with confusion. "I'm already yours. How much more yours could I possibly be?"

Placing gentle kisses along the delicate column of her neck, I stopped over the cool crescent of skin there; a spot that would remain frozen as it was for the rest of her human life. My lips burned from the heat of her skin, but the absence of temperature was so obvious over the mark on her neck—my mark—and I stopped with my lips hovering above it a moment before kissing it reverently. Everything came together: my desire for her, the fear of losing her, the love that swelled inside me... culminating in the purest form of selfishness. Before I could stop myself, the words were out.

"Let me change you, Izzy."

She gasped, stiffening beneath me, the tension in her body going from zero to sixty in a second flat.

"No!" Izzy slapped at my shoulder. "Edward, no!" There was panic in her voice.

It would be so easy to overpower her. I had her pressed to my bed, my lips at her neck. With a slight shift of my jaw, I could slice my teeth into her tender flesh, accessing her sweet blood and injecting my venom. In three day's time, Izzy could be unbreakable, perfection... all mine. James would be no match for a newborn Izzy, and her power would probably grow tenfold. Such temptation...

"_Edward_..." Izzy's anguished whispering of my name snapped me out of my dangerous train of thought, and I lifted my head—removing my lips from the danger zone—and looked down at her to find fear in her eyes. Was she afraid of me? Had I given her reason to fear?

"Izzy, I love you. I want you to be mine forever. _Please._" I leaned in to kiss her, but her lips refused me, sending fear shooting through me like ice-water.

"Get off me," she spat. "Get the fuck off me, Edward!" Izzy started struggling against me.

"Izzy, please relax. I would never hurt you. It's just that... I'm afraid of losing you."

"You have a funny fucking way of showing it. Tell me you _didn't_ just contemplate sinking your teeth into my neck without permission, that you_ didn't_ contemplate turning me into a vampire without my fucking consent, and I'll relax." Izzy's eyes pinned me, seared into me, and guilt flooded through me.

"I can't. I'm sorry," I whispered, closing my eyes because I couldn't bear to see the accusation that had settled deep in hers. I rolled off her, away from her, throwing my arm over my eyes.

_What the fuck was I thinking?_

Loving her, needing her, knowing she was my mate... had caused me to lose my sense of direction, perhaps even to misplace my sense of ethics.

"I'm so sorry, Izzy," I whispered again.

In seconds, she was up off the bed, grabbing at her clothes and pulling them on. She didn't say a word, but anger, pain and disappointment radiated off her.

"Get dressed!" she spat at me. "We're not talking about this while you're naked. Fucking get your clothes on, Edward!" With that, she stomped into the bathroom and slammed the door. She tried to muffle it, but I could hear her: she was crying. _ Damn it!_

Dressing with speed, I was pressed up against the bathroom door in seconds. I felt the grain of the wood beneath my fingers—knowing it would yield to me like butter if I chose to break through it—but Izzy's emotions held me at bay. She had every right to be pissed off at me; I'd royally screwed everything up. Turning my back to the door, I slid into a seated position, running my fingers roughly through my hair with a sigh. I listened to Izzy's heart beating, her breathing, the quiet sniffling... and I wished I could take it all back.

_What the hell is going on in there, Edward? _Jasper's thoughts crashed in on me, and I knew I could answer quietly enough that Izzy wouldn't be able to hear, but I remained silent—I couldn't bring myself to voice this out loud—not even to my brother. Once Jasper realized I didn't intend to answer him, he thought, _Just be careful, Edward. She's really pissed, and she can't afford to use her power._

That thought gave me pause. Would Izzy use her power against me? What if in trying to push me away, the effort killed her? Just when I thought I couldn't feel like any more of an asshole... Jasper had to point out the obvious—what I would have realized right off if I wasn't so busy being a selfish jerk.

I closed my eyes, listening to the sounds of my family leaving the immediate vicinity to afford us some privacy. This was not the time for Izzy and me to be at odds—not with James on the loose.

Although I wanted to rush her, to beg her forgiveness—bash the damned door in—I forced myself to be patient. She had every right to be upset with me, every right to take her time in there. If she spit in my face, it would be no less than I deserved.

After a while, I heard the sound of Izzy sliding down the other side of the door, so we were sitting back to back. I could almost feel her heart beating right through the wood.

"Edward..." she whispered. "What were you thinking?" She sounded weary, defeated.

Leaning my head back and closing my eyes, I answered, "I don't know. Izzy you make me think and do things that I never have before. I've never felt... like this—ever." Even to my own ears, I sounded like a complete fool.

"Edward, I put my trust in you—laid my very life in your hands. You can't just decide to –" She broke off.

"I know." My voice was hoarse. "Izzy, I wouldn't have done it..."

"You _thought_ about it, Edward."

I nodded my head, as if she could see me, and my chest clenched tight. "I did."

"_Why?_ You're the only one I trust. How could you even consider ripping away my right to choose? It's not like you picked out a movie for us to see—you would be changing the elements of my very existence."

My head bowed, my fingers tearing at my hair. Izzy was right. There was no sugar coating this, but I had to try to help her understand.

"I was scared, Izzy."

"Scared," she stated flatly.

"Yes. I'm afraid of losing you. I'm afraid that James will get to you, and I won't be able to protect you. Shit... look what happened when you went to the Res!"

"That's the only reason?"

"No."

"Tell me everything. You have to or... or I don't know where this leaves us, Edward."

I did. It would mean she would leave me behind, refuse me, because she absolutely could. Izzy Black was stronger than I was—even though she was human—and it cut deep.

"Because, Izzy, I can't live without you," I whispered.

Dead silence greeted me, and I wondered what she was thinking on the other side of the door, what she was feeling. Did she hate me for my weakness? For considering such a violation against her rights as an independent being?

"Please, Izzy... say something."

Instead, she stood up and opened the door. I was on my feet in less than a second, anxious to see her, to read her. Izzy's eyes had dark smears beneath them from crying, her face was red and puffy... and she was the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen. The urge to grab her was overwhelming, but I knew I didn't have the right at that moment. Instead, I put my hand up, palm out, and allowed all of the remorse I felt to shine from my eyes.

Izzy slowly raised her hand, and placed it against mine, her heat such a welcome balm to my battered soul. Electricity flowed up my arm and through my body, nearly causing my knees to buckle.

"I love you, Izzy. I'm so sorry."

Without speaking, Izzy flung herself into my arms, hugging me tightly. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders, her legs around my waist, and pressed her face into my neck, breathing deeply. Her body trembled, her muscles quivering with the effort she expended holding onto me.

"Jesus Christ, Edward. Don't ever do anything like this to me again. I hate being apart from you—even on the other side of a door," she rambled breathlessly.

Holding her up easily, I kissed her hair as I moved across the room to seat us on the bed with her still straddling me. I held her too tightly, and there would be bruises, but she didn't complain, and I didn't loosen my grip. The fingers of one hand found their way into her hair, stroking gently. I kept my other arm wrapped hard around her body, pressing her so firmly against me, as if she would simply float away if I let go.

Placing a kiss on her dark head, I spoke into her hair. "Forgive me."

"No." She shook her head, the silken strands of her hair ghosting across my lips.

"Forgive me."

"I can't."

"What do you mean? You have to know how sorry I am... that I never could have gone through with it if it wasn't what you wanted..."

Izzy lifted her head, looking up into my eyes. Taking my face between her hands, she smiled sadly. "I can't forgive you because I get it—I understand the kind of fear that flows through you like lava, consuming everything in its path... turning your self-confidence to cinder and your common sense to ash. While I hate that you thought about taking away my choices, I also love you for it—I love you for wanting me _that_ much." She caressed my face, the skin burning under her touch. Her eyes captured mine, the look in them serious. "But, Edward, I want to make one thing clear. I _don't _want you to change me."

"You don't." The words were but a whisper, and I'm not even sure she could hear them.

"I'm not ready. Unless there's no other choice, I don't want to be changed right now. Are we clear?"

I swallowed hard, disappointment taking up residence inside me. "Yes, we're clear."

"Good. I'm going to clean myself up, and then we're going to my house. It's high time you met Tess."

"Who's Tess?"

"Twisted Tess... my completely restored—compliments of Jacob Black— '69 Camaro. She hasn't been driven in way too long, and I'm itching to lay my hands on her."

"Okay." I smiled down at her.

In a flash, Izzy was up and off my lap and freshening up in the bathroom. While she was gone, I let Emmett and Rose know we'd need an escort but asked that they remain as far out of sight as possible.

Based on my conversation with Riley, James hadn't been seen in the area since the attack at the Res. Searches conducted by both my family and the wolves corroborated this fact. No fresh scents of James were found anywhere near the Res, Forks, Izzy's house or ours. I wasn't foolish enough to let my guard down. Time for vampires ran differently than for humans, and I knew that even if _years_ went by without word from James, Izzy would still be in danger. I wouldn't be satisfied until James was a pile of ashes blowing in the wind.

When we pulled up in front of Izzy's little white house, she just sat there stiffly, staring out the window. The tension was palpable, and while I wanted to know what was going through her mind, I held back. She'd come so far, but things were still difficult for her. Seeing her father's house after so long had to be like a slap in the face.

Without looking my way, Izzy reached over and gripped my hand in hers. "I'm scared, Edward, and I fucking hate it."

"I know." I didn't bother trying to sugar coat things.

"Come inside with me for a few?" she asked tentatively. Her demeanor reminded me more of the teenager that she should have been—could have been—if all these horrific things hadn't happened to her. I often forgot just how young she really was.

Slipping around to her side of the car, I opened the door, offering her my hand. She took it, looking up at me strangely, but I knew better than to push right now. I wrapped an arm around her waist as we walked up the concrete path to the front porch, and she leaned into me, allowing me to support most of her weight. Taking her keys from her shaking hand, I unlocked the door but stepped to the side so she could enter first. I already knew what she'd find—nothing. Alice and Jasper had come here periodically to sweep for James and to clean the house, so it didn't get too dirty or musty.

Once Izzy was standing in the middle of the living room, she inhaled deeply. "It doesn't smell like this place has been closed up for weeks." She bent to swipe a finger over the coffee table. "No dust?"

"Alice and Jasper," I offered in explanation.

"Ah. I'll have to thank them later. I was kind of..." Her voice choked up in her throat, and I laid a comforting hand on her shoulder, rubbing lightly. "I thought the house was going to be like it was when... Charlie... when I came here from Chicago. When I opened up the house, it was musty... and his things were already gone—everything of my father was gone. They thought they were doing me a favor, but I wanted to be near his things, near him."

I rubbed gentle circles on her back. "Chicago? I thought you were living with Charlie when..."

"I was—only for a few fucking weeks—but being a minor at the time he was killed, they shipped me to Chicago to live with my Aunt Jeanie, Charlie's sister, while I applied for emancipation from my lousy mother."

"I'm sorry, Izzy."

Her eyes darted around the room, taking in everything. And then her gaze landed on the stairs, and she squared her shoulders, heading straight for them. She linked her fingers through mine, tugging me behind her up the stairs. The house was eerily quiet, our footfalls creaking on the third, fifth and eighth steps. She hesitated in the hallway, gazing toward Charlie's room, but in the end, decided on her own.

Everything was much as she'd left it. There was a top and skirt tossed over the chair, her laptop sat open on the desk, and the book she'd been reading—_Anna Karenina—_was lying upside down, open to a page about halfway through. I smiled to myself at her choice of reading material. As bitchy as she wanted everyone to believe she was, a hopeless romantic lived inside her.

Her eyes lit on the drawer where I knew she kept the cigar box with her stash. Izzy hadn't cut, drank alcohol or done any blow since she'd been living with me. Apparently, Jasper was helping her on the sly, although for some reason, they'd kept that secret from me. She still smoked pot on occasion, but Rome wasn't built in a day. I was proud of all the progress she'd made in such a short time. Deep down, she didn't want to be the way she was when I met her, and she was slowly evolving into someone a bit softer.

"Izzy, why don't you want me to change you?" I asked gently, standing behind her with my hands on her shoulders.

She leaned back into me with a sigh, and I wrapped my arms around her slight body. Izzy's hands came up to caress my arms, holding them to her. We stood that way for a while, not speaking, and I didn't try to push her. I still felt as though I was on shaky ground after my bad behavior earlier. When she finally spoke, her voice was barely a whisper, but I could hear her just fine.

"Edward, I love you, and someday I want to be completely yours. Hell, I'm yours now; it's just that I'm not ready to... be a vampire. You've told me that vampires are frozen in time, just as they are."

I kissed the side of her neck, careful to stay away from where my mark was. I didn't want her to misread my intentions. "I love you, Izzy. I love you so much that I'll do anything for you. And, yes, vampires are frozen in time just as they are. It's extremely difficult for a vampire to change."

"So why would you want to change me now? I'm still fucked up."

"You've come a long way, Izzy. I can't deny you'd still have some issues, but my fear is that James will get to you before those issues are resolved. And also because I was being a supremely selfish asshole."

Izzy snorted a laugh. "I understand your fears, Edward. I really do. Before I almost died, I probably would have let you change me... but not now—not since I found _her._"

"Who?"

"The girl in the tunnel. When I saw the warm white light, I saw a girl in a mirror there. She told me I had to choose between you and going into the light, and I chose you, Edward."

"And I'm so glad you did," I whispered, kissing her neck again. "What does she have to do with being a vampire, though?"

"It was me—she was me. But not the person I am now, and not the weak, simpering fool I was before. I think... she's who I'm supposed to be someday. When I'm her, then I'll be ready."

Izzy turned in my arms to face me. Her eyes were thoughtful and intense as I kept my arms wrapped tightly around her.

"She said she knew I would make the right decision. Her words helped keep me from going into the light. Do you see now, Edward? If I let you change me now, I'll never be _her_. I want... to be her."

How could I argue with that? How fair would it be to attempt to coerce her into doing what would make _me_ feel better? I couldn't, and it wouldn't be fair at all. Deep inside me, a feeling of resignation settled in. There was no choice—I had to find a way to protect Izzy and kill James before he could get to her. We knew he had a bunch of newborns that helped to distract the wolves, so we couldn't count on James coming alone. He apparently had a flair for the dramatic, which might be his ultimate downfall.

"I understand, Izzy. You deserve to become who you were meant to be. Somehow, we'll make it happen. I need to ask something in return, if it's not too much."

"What is it?"

"Never be alone until James has been caught. I want you surrounded by my family and the wolves. I know it's not your ideal situation, but James has proven to be sadistic and crafty—he'll be coming back, and we don't know with how many others."

Izzy looked up at me with fear in her eyes. "Others? You think he's going to try to outnumber your family? The wolves?"

"When he attacked on the Res, he had six newborn vampires distract the wolves. They were all... dispatched with, but who knows how many more he has access to. According to Riley, he only knows of two more, but it only takes three days to make a vampire."

Izzy stepped back from me, and I let her go—now was not the time to smother her. She turned to face the window, shaking her head. "This isn't right," she muttered. "All of you shouldn't be put at risk just for me."

"That's not true. We all care for you, Izzy."

"And I care for all of you. That's why it's so fucking wrong! Don't you get it? Weigh it out, boyscout." She turned back to face me, holding her hands palm up, lifting and lowering them as if weighing something. "One person, or..." one hand went down and the other up much higher "...many people. It doesn't compute. It's not fair to everyone else and those that _they_ love. I know you love me, Edward, but we aren't the only ones that matter here."

_No._ I shook my head in denial. What the hell was she saying? What would she have me do? Let James win? I stalked over to her, grabbing her by the shoulders roughly, and she looked up at me startled.

"Damn it, Izzy... what are you trying to say? Do you think I'll give you to James on a silver platter? Do you think my family or the wolves will? James brought this fight to us—made it personal—nobody is going to let that slide now. Let me ask you... what if it was me? Would you say _my_ life wasn't worth it because there were so many others at risk?"

Izzy looked up at me like a deer caught in headlights. I could tell when she reached the point of considering _me_ to be the potential victim instead of _her_ because her breathing grew shallow, and her heart started to beat faster. Her mouth hung slightly agape, and for once, she was left speechless.

"Izzy don't you see? When people love one another, become family, you'll do anything for them—risk anything for them. You're now a part of the Cullen family, and you're considered part of the wolves' family, as well. Not one of us will step aside and watch you be harmed—not even Rosalie." A smirk pulled up the corner of my mouth when I thought of how difficult it was for two bitchy women to reside in the family, but Rosalie was coming around. She understood that Izzy was my forever, and even she wouldn't stand in the way of that.

Izzy continued staring up at me, and I could see the wheels turning in her head. "Please let go of me," she whispered, pulling my hands away gently.

She walked across the room slowly, opening her closet and rooting around. She came back up with her fist wrapped tightly around the neck of a bottle filled with amber liquid. Moving over to the bed, she sat down heavily, unscrewing the cap. Putting the mouth of the bottle to her lips, she tipped it back and drank long and hard. Her eyes scrunched together, and she grimaced, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "Fuuuuck," she muttered.

"Izzy..."

"Shh..." She held her hand up, eyes still closed. "Don't, Edward. Don't rain on my parade. I need this."

"I'm not judging, Izzy. I'm just concerned about you. Are you okay? Do you understand what I was saying? That none of us will back down? It's not your choice, just like I know if I was the one in danger, you wouldn't give me one."

Izzy nodded, her eyes still closed. "Yes, boyscout, I think I get it." Her eyes snapped open, capturing mine with their intensity. "I would do anything to stop you from being harmed in any way, too. You need to understand and accept that as well."

I knelt down next to her, taking the hand that wasn't still wrapped tightly around the bottle of Jack Daniels in mine. "Izzy, you're not immortal; _we_ are."

"You can be killed," she snapped. "All of you can die; it's just that you're harder to kill than a human. Don't blow smoke up my ass, Edward. I have this power and know how to use it now. I _will_ use it if I have to."

"It'll kill you," I answered quietly, my jaw tight.

"It would kill me if something happened to you, and it was within my power to stop it, and I did nothing. Don't play double standards on me, okay? If you want my cooperation, I expect to have yours."

Damn her. There was no argument I could offer that _wouldn't_ be a double standard. I wanted to have my cake and eat it, too. I wanted her safe—protected by myself, my family and the wolves—but I didn't want her to use her power if it came down to it. One more time could kill her—especially the amount of energy she would need to expend against James.

I hung my head with a sigh. "Okay. You win, but please don't use your power unless there's no other option." When she tried to turn away, I gripped her jaw gently in my hand, bringing her face back to mine, so I could look deeply into her eyes. "Promise me."

"I promise, okay? I would never do anything to purposely hurt you. I know what it would do to you if James got to me because I feel the same exact way about you." She squeezed my hand. "Can we go for a drive now, or do you want to spend hours talking about that asshole, James, and what he might do to us?"

Laughing, I stood up, holding my hand out to her. We headed down to her garage with our fingers linked. Opening the door between the laundry room and the garage, we stepped down onto the concrete floor where there was a hulking shape covered by a tan tarp. I removed the cloth, revealing a gleaming black beauty of a car. My mind was immediately focused on the flawlessly maintained '69 Camaro, and I made her pop the hood so I could take a gander at Jake's handiwork. He was a master at restoration and maintenance. When she started the car, it rumbled gently, exuding a quiet power. We stood in front of the car, and Izzy impressed me with her under-the-hood knowledge.

Closing the hood, I attempted to get in the driver's seat, but Izzy shut me down. "What the hell do you think you're doing, boyscout?"

"Taking you for a drive."

"Oh, no, no." She shook a finger back and forth. "I'll be taking _you_ for a drive. Nobody touches Tess with the exception of me or Dr. Black."

"Dr. Black?"

"Jake of the magic fingers. You will be a passenger today."

"Izzy, you were just drinking," I admonished.

She rolled her eyes, cocking her hip and putting a hand on it. "Edward. I took a couple swigs of JD—my blood alcohol level will show well within the allowed range. Besides, none of these asswipe cops will _touch_ the daughter of a recently deceased Police Chief. Get in, or don't, but I'm taking Tess out."

I smirked at her sauciness and got in the passenger side without another word. Izzy sat down with a self-satisfied smirk of her own and buckled herself in.

"Are you ready to meet Tess?"

"Isn't that what I just did? I had my hands under her hood and everything." I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh! You found your sense of humor under all that broodiness? Awesome! But, Edward, you still haven't actually _met_ Tess—not until you see her in action."

Turning to look over her shoulder, Izzy backed the car down the driveway, directing the rear of the car to the right. Straightening out, she headed toward the Res.

"Um, Izzy, you know I'm not allowed on the Res, right?"

"Duh, Edward." She looked at me askance. "Just shut up and enjoy the ride, huh?"

With that, she stepped hard on the accelerator. Passing the lane leading to the Res, she started up the winding roads that hugged the edges of the tribal lands and wound up and around with steep inclines and hairpin turns. Izzy took them all at high speed, slowing in just the right places, narrowly avoiding the guardrails. I found myself clenching my fists and tightening my jaw, worried she would break through a guardrail, dropping down to the rocks below. Izzy glanced over at me several times and laughed.

"You okay there, boyscout? You're looking a little peaked."

"You drive like a maniac!"

"No... I drive in a fast, controlled manner. I've never had an accident," she answered as she downshifted into another tight turn. "Lighten up, boyscout. Allow yourself to have a little fun."

I had to admit, she drove the car like a pro, and her reflexes were top-notch... for a human. She knew her car intimately, and they seemed to move as one unit. The thought of her driving like this still made me nervous because I knew how vulnerable she was to injury and death.

When we reached the top of the hill, she slowed, turning onto a nearly invisible drive leading to an overlook. It was dusk, and from up there, we could see the faintly twinkling lights of Forks all the way to the brightly lit ones of Port Angeles. Across from us were the cliffs on the Res, overlooking the water. The sky was a complex mix of blue shot through with gold. Izzy laid out a blanket, and we sat side by side, watching the darkening sky fill with sparkling stars.

"It's beautiful here," I said softly, turning to gaze at the glow of the moon on her pale skin. "You're beautiful." I ghosted my fingers along her cheek, watching her look up at the stars with childlike wonder. These were moments I treasured, but at the same time, I had difficulty reconciling this version of her with the hard-ass she usually was.

Sliding her eyes to the side, she smiled. "I never gave a shit about being beautiful before, Edward. But I want to be everything good for you. You definitely bring out my softer side—although even _that _isn't all that soft." We laughed together over that one before she turned to me with a wicked gleam in her eye. "Ever fuck under the stars, Edward?"

"No." I swallowed hard. What I didn't say was that _she _should know—because she was my first, my only... my last.

"Poor, deprived boyscout. Let me rectify that for you."

Straddling my lap, she pushed me down to the blanket, looking down at me with unabashed lust. I was hard as a rock in a second flat.

"Izzy, do you think this is a good idea? You were so angry at me earlier..."

She rubbed her hand across my hard-on. "Well, _somebody_ thinks it's a great idea," she purred.

"But –"

"Shh... shut up and fuck me, Edward." Izzy attacked my zipper, wasting no time exposing me to her hungry eyes. "Damn... you know, I still think it's _so hot_ that you go commando."

She licked her lips.

I grew harder, and my fingers twitched, along with another part of my anatomy.

"Oh, see... you want to fuck, too."

"Izzy..." I protested, making a feeble attempt to stop her groping hands—one of which was now wrapped firmly around my shaft. I could easily remove her hands, but I didn't want to.

"Edward... put your hand under my skirt," she whispered.

I ran my hand up her bare thigh, under the fluid material of her skirt, and was surprised to find her completely bare. I let out a groan—I was done for.

Izzy pulled my jeans down just far enough to give her full access, and then she was hovering just above me with the tip of my dick at her entrance. "Whoa, Izzy! What are you..."

"Shh... just go with it, boyscout. Every time doesn't have to be about making love—sometimes you just need to _fuck_. This is one of those times."

And then she sank down on me, taking me all the way in, holding herself upright and tossing her head back, exposing the creamy expanse of her neck. My hands gripped her hips firmly, but I hesitated, unsure of what we were doing. The thought was fleeting—feeling her velvet heat surrounding me, instinct took over.

She mashed her lips against mine, and I plunged my tongue into her mouth with little thought of being gentle. My hands roamed over her hips to grip her ass, and I guided her up and down my length, setting a fast pace. Knowing she wanted something more on the quick and dirty side let loose my inhibitions and concerns about going slow, and I allowed the sensations to consume me, fill me, delving down deeper into my instinctual nature.

"Oh, yeah, Edward... that's what I'm talking about," Izzy said breathlessly, caught up in what was happening between us.

Delicate hands rested on my chest, and her eyes were closed as she rode me hard, hair loose and wild around her shoulders. I ran the fingers of one hand through the silken strands, fascinated by the contrast of its darkness against her pale skin, and I couldn't bite back the growl that built up in my chest.

"That's it... let go for me, boyscout," she whispered. "What makes you wild? When you let your instincts out of their cage, what do you dream of, Edward?"

"Izzy, don't." I tried to reign myself in, deny the animal part of me that was clawing to get out.

"Show me," she moaned, rolling her hips suggestively.

A second later, I had our positions changed, pulling her up on hands and knees as I pressed my hips against her ass. I was curled over her body with my mouth agaist my mark on her neck, one hand gripping her hair and tugging back slightly. She made a mewling sound, and her head tilted back easily. I breathed heavily, trying to regain some control over myself.

"Oh, God, yes. You're so fucking hot, Edward. I knew you had a naughty side..."

"This isn't just naughty, Izzy..." I rasped, growling.

Then she wiggled her ass against my cock. _Sweet baby Jesus._

"This is what you want?" I spoke against her neck.

"God, yes. Let go, boyscout. You're always so God damned controlled," she spurred me on.

In one swift movement, I was inside her, rocking my hips forward over and over again. Her hair was wrapped around my hand, the other arm draped across her midriff, essentially crushing her back against my front.

"That's it, boyscout. _Fuck yes._ Ride me."

There was no mistaking her level of enjoyment or the smell of her arousal permeating the air. Perhaps she liked being dominated this way as much as I found myself enjoying dominating her—like an animal, with little concern for what she wanted or needed. Letting go of her hair, my hand wandered beneath the sheer material of her shirt to cup a breast. No bra, either. She'd definitely planned this little seduction scene, but I'll bet she never expected things to take such an interesting turn.

I dragged my teeth across my mark on her neck, and she moaned loudly, turning her head to the side, baring it to me further. After what happened between us earlier, I didn't dare bite into her tender flesh the way I wanted to. Instead, I swirled my tongue around on my mark, before placing my lips over it and suckling. Just having my mouth on it was enough to send shivers of pleasure through my body as I continued pounding into her at a steady rhythm.

I couldn't see her with my face pressed into her neck, but with my photographic memory, I could clearly imagine Izzy on her hands and knees, skirt ruched up around her hips, the smooth, creamy skin of her bare ass smacking back against me on every thrust as my fingers played over taut nipples. "Oh, Izzy..." I groaned at the visual and tactile sensations that washed over me.

"Faster... oh, my God. Oh, God... Edward!" Her scream echoed in the air around us, reminding me of where we were.

Izzy arched, pressing back against me, as an orgasm overtook her. It never took much for me to go over the edge with her—the sounds she made, calling my name, being so uninhibited—and for once, I didn't care if the whole town of Forks heard us up there or if Rose and Emmett got an earful. Her name pushed past my lips in a ragged cry as my cool seed filled her. Knowing that seed was healing to her caused me to moan again—I always wanted to be the one to save her, protect her.

"_Ungh_, Izzy... I love you."

"Oh, my God. I love you, too, boyscout—although, you were more of an animal tonight than a 'good boy.' Mm-mm, I like this side of you."

Suddenly, I had a desperate need to look into her eyes, so I pulled out of her, turning us quickly so we were looking up at the stars again. I wound my arms around her, holding her close.

"Shit, Edward... you move so fast that I'm dizzy."

"Sorry. I forget myself around you."

Shifting to her side, she stroked my cheek with her fingers. "That's okay. I love that you feel you can be yourself around me." Warm lips kissed up the side of my neck, and she whispered in my ear, "I especially love that you let go with me. I like your wild side, Edward..."

"Careful, or you'll be getting another taste of my wild side sooner rather than later..." I warned, turning to press my reawakening hardness against her thigh.

"Oh, and have I also mentioned that I love it that you're like the fucking Energizer Bunny?" She smirked at me, wrapping her hand around me a pumping a few times.

Rolling her under me, I nudged her legs apart. Our lips met in a searing kiss, and I slipped my fingers into her hair, tugging gently. "You wanna go again, Izzy? I'm always up for it, but tonight you've got me particularly hungry for you."

Expecting one of her usual comments—such as _'Fuck, yeah!'—_I was suprised when she looked up into my eyes, her fingers caressing my face, and said softly, "Yes. I want you again, Edward."

Gone was the snarky, bitchy, in-control sex kitten, and in her place was a more vulnerable Izzy that wasn't seen very often.

"Are you all right, baby?" I asked, kissing her lips gently.

"Yeah. Please... just make love to me, Edward. Nice and slow this time, so I can see your eyes."

"Oh, God, Izzy... I thought you liked what we did—what I did. Did I hurt you?" My eyes roamed over her, looking for signs of distress.

Her hand came up to cover my lips. "Shh... everything was fine, Edward. I told you I love that side of you... it's just that I find I also love the soft and gentle side of you. You make me feel in ways that nobody else ever has. That scared me at first, but now I crave it—crave you—on a different level that goes beyond physical."

Her admission filled me with heat and desire. Finally, she was coming around and admitting her true feelings and desires. "Oh, how I love you..."

Pressing forward, I entered her slowly, and we took our time.

Her head thrown back.

My hips rolling against her over and over as hers rose to meet each thrust.

Her hands gripping my hair as she let out little cries of pleasure.

My arms caging her in as I moved over her, inside her.

This time we came at exactly the same moment, cresting the wave of ecstasy together, and for just a moment, I could hear her mind: _IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou_

**~*IWIPB*~**

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**A/N: I'm waiting for the onslaught of comments. I know some of you will be thrilled, but others will be disappointed that Izzy wasn't changed. I hope you can see the reasoning behind her desire to wait. Besides, I have plans for this story, and they don't include Izzy being vamp quite yet.**

**Reviewers will continue to receive a special teaser not offered anywhere else. It's my thank you to those who leave me love. 3**

**In other news... IWIPB and 'Broken Windows' have both been nom'd in The Shimmer Awards. Thank you to whoever nom'd me! If you're interested in voting, the link is on my profile.**

**I also released a new one-shot recently entitled 'In the Wings' which has been nom'd for a Single Shot Award for Best Romance and Best Bella/Edward. Again, I thank whoever took the time out to nom me, and thank all of you who have let me know you voted for my story. Voting is open through July 1****st ****and the link is on my profile.**

**I've entered my original fic 'The Weight of Roses' in the TWCS Original Fiction Contest. I would love it if you checked it out and left me your opinion! Link on my profile.**

**IWIPB was the fic of the week on TwiFicDatabase last week. The link to the review and my interview is on my profile, if you're interested.  
**


	14. Chapter 14 Bound to You

**A/N: Hello, awesome readers! I'm going to apologize right off for not sending out a special teaser to those of you who reviewed the last chapter. I'm so busy, and I thought you'd rather have the whole enchilada rather than wait an extra day or two. I promise to do better next time.**

**Huge thanks to my awesome prereaders, Keye and Sandy, who support me, keep me in stitches, keep me semi-sane, and also help me find music. Sandy... this one's all you. Sandy found most of the songs for this chapter.**

**I can't thank what has now become a beta 'team' enough. The totally awesome jkane180, wmr1601, and Katmom who catch all my snafus and fix up my shit. Mwah! This time, it was Jess that caught a biggie. Thanks, Jess!**

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**Chapter 14**

**~Bound to You~**

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**Songlist:**

**Xanax ~ Maria Taylor**

**Save Me ~ The Pierces**

**A Beautiful Distraction ~ JoJo**

**Possession ~ Evans Blue**

**Never Gonna Leave This Bed ~ Maroon 5**

**~O~  
**

_**Into this night I wander  
It's morning that I dread  
Another day of knowing of  
The path I fear to tread  
Oh, into the sea of waking dreams  
I follow without pride  
Nothing stands between us here  
And I won't be denied**_

_**~Excerpt from Possession**_

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**~Previously~**

**~*Edward*~**

Rolling her under me, I nudged her legs apart. Our lips met in a searing kiss, and I slipped my fingers into her hair, tugging gently. "You wanna go again, Izzy? I'm always up for it, but tonight you've got me particularly hungry for you."

Expecting one of her usual comments—such as _'Fuck, yeah!'—_I was surprised when she looked up into my eyes, her fingers caressing my face, and said softly, "Yes. I want you again, Edward."

Gone was the snarky, bitchy, in-control sex kitten, and in her place was a more vulnerable Izzy that wasn't seen very often.

"Are you all right, baby?" I asked, kissing her lips gently.

"Yeah. Please... just make love to me, Edward. Nice and slow this time, so I can see your eyes."

"Oh, God, Izzy... I thought you liked what we did—what I did. Did I hurt you?" My eyes roamed over her, looking for signs of distress.

Her hand came up to cover my lips. "Shh... everything was fine, Edward. I told you I love that side of you... it's just that I find I also love the soft and gentle side of you. You make me feel in ways that nobody else ever has. That scared me at first, but now I crave it—crave you—on a different level that goes beyond physical."

Her admission filled me with heat and desire. Finally, she was coming around and admitting her true feelings and desires. "Oh, how I love you..."

Pressing forward, I entered her slowly, and we took our time.

Her head thrown back.

My hips rolling against her over and over as hers rose to meet each thrust.

Her hands gripping my hair as she let out little cries of pleasure.

My arms caging her in as I moved over her, inside her.

This time we came at exactly the same moment, cresting the wave of ecstasy together, and for just a moment, I could hear her mind: _IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou_

**~*IWIPB*~**

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**~*Izzy*~**

As the wave of orgasm washed over me, I watched Edward above me, his face transforming as his release took over, and I felt a gentle _~flex~_ in my mind.

_IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou, _played over and over like a mantra.

Edward made me feel special—like I really mattered. To him, I _did_ matter. I was the center of his world, and I'd come to realize that he was the center of mine.

The sensations were still flooding through me when I noticed Edward's eyes widen.

"I hear you," he whispered, a crooked smile spreading across his face.

"You what?"

"I hear you, Izzy. I love you, too." Little kisses were peppered over my face, sending additional shivers of pleasure through me.

Edward could hear me? There was no distress or anger, and I wasn't _trying _to speak through my mind—but I did feel the tell-tale flexing as it happened. There was no taste of blood in the back of my throat, and I felt fine, which I hoped was a good sign.

"I don't smell any blood, either," Edward answered my thoughts.

_Holy shit! The vampire can hear us? Can you hear me, too, sexy? _My inner banshee chose that moment to speak up.

"Shut up, bitch!" I shot at her.

Edward laughed. "I can, um... hear you both."

"Oh, great..." Just what I needed: Edward getting a taste of how nuts I really was.

_Oh, my God! You can really hear me? I voted to keep you._

"Liar! You're the one that always encouraged me to hurt him, you lousy bitch. Don't think you're going to cash in now that you found out I was right."

Edward's eyes widened as I bantered back and forth with my inner banshee. Mostly, he looked amused. Personally, I was horrified that somehow he'd connected with my mind and could hear my thoughts.

"This is bullshit, Edward. Get out of my fucking head!" I sputtered. The flexing feeling dwindled until it was gone. Apparently I had _some_ control over it.

"Damn. I can't hear you anymore."

"Oh, my God! You were totally enjoying yourself, weren't you?" I accused.

"Guilty. I've always wanted to be in your head. I'm also happy that I heard you saying you love me over and over again." That smile was worth any embarrassment caused by him seeing into my mind.

"I _do_ love you, Edward. You know I do," I said reproachfully.

"I know, but the thoughts in someone's head hold more veracity than the spoken word. To hear it in your mind... that was really special."

"Well... you're done. No more listening to my thoughts, okay?"

"Okay." And like the broody vampire he was, his mood changed from amused to serious. "Izzy, I love you so much, and I'm sorry... about what I did earlier."

I caressed his face, trying to smooth away the worry that marred his perfect features. "Don't rehash. I understand what you were going through, and I think you understand me a little better now, too."

After adjusting our clothes so we were decent again, we sat on my blanket, gazing up at the stars. The night sky had turned navy blue with vague tendrils of fog hugging the edges of the cliffs. Edward shifted behind me, so his legs surrounded my hips, his arms encircling me as I leaned back against his chest. His chin rested on top of my head, and I sighed with contentment as my mind started to wander.

My thoughts eventually turned to what had transpired earlier today. Part of me was shocked at my reaction to Edward's desire to turn me. It would be so much easier to become immortal, to take my place by Edward's side. From my understanding, I would be a good deal stronger than the average vampire during my first year—perfect for hunting down James' sorry ass and killing the fucker.

But ever since I was in the hospital and came face to face with the girl in the mirror, I'd been disturbed. She wasn't the simpering, milquetoast Bella that I used to be, but she was also unlike the hardened, defensive bitch that I've become. The girl in the mirror was someone I could live with, someone I could be proud to be. Being with Edward drew her out; he was the catalyst for the changes in me. Without his love, I would still be fucking my way through Forks High in a string of meaningless trysts. I would still be cutting myself and doing blow. Yeah, I still toked on occasion and knocked back some JD sometimes, but Rome wasn't built in a day. It sure beat the shit out of what my life was like _before_ Edward. A shudder went through me at the thought of how alone I really was. At the time, I bought into my own bullshit, thinking I didn't give a fuck if I couldn't trust anyone, believing that my life was worth very little. Edward had waltzed into my life, making me feel wanted, beautiful... worth saving.

Stretching the neckline of my top until my bare shoulder was exposed, Edward placed soft kisses over my skin, eliciting chills. His lips continued gliding over my shoulder, up the side of my neck and back down.

Yes, then there was the sex. Edward was an incredible lover—so unselfish and caring, but he was able to tap into his animalistic urges quite easily as well. When Edward went Dom on me, or better yet, let the primal part of himself out of its cage, he was fuckhot.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked softly. "I can smell your arousal."

"Damn vampires! Can't I even get a moment of peace?"

"Sorry." Funny, Edward didn't sound sorry at all. His arms tightened around me, his lips going back to their previous activities, this time with some tongue added in for good measure.

_He's not trying to turn me on or anything. Boyscout, my ass._

I leaned my head to the side, allowing him better access. Why the fuck not? If he wanted to cloud my mind and turn me on, who was I to stop him? So what if we'd just fucked twice? I could sense round three might be looming in our future. Edward's hands were getting frisky now, too. "Well, look at you, boyscout—getting in a boob grope." Jutting my chest forward, I pushed my tit further into his hand, and he pressed his forever-hard cock against my ass. "Fuck yeah..." I moaned.

_Shit. Will I ever stop wanting him over and over again? Nah, probably not._

"You're insatiable, Izzy," Edward whispered against my ear, squeezing my tit again.

"Am I now? You're the Energizer Bunny of this couple, Edward," I reminded him. "You know just where to touch me, just what to do that drives me crazy. How many women have you fucked anyway? You never told me."

Edward's lips halted their ministrations on my skin, and he hesitated just a beat before answering. "Didn't anyone ever tell you that a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell?" he asked smoothly.

I snorted in a very unladylike manner, but I let it go. _For now._

My eyes were growing heavy at that point, and I couldn't resist closing them for just a moment...

Softness.

Warmth.

Cool air tickling my face.

Slowly, I opened my eyes and saw blue-gray sky above me.

"What the hell?" I mumbled, my voice scratchy.

"Good morning, my love." A cool hand caressed my cheek.

My eyes looked left and right, but all I saw was fur—and Edward's hand touching my face. _What the fuck?_

Shifting my body, I felt the stiffness of sleeping in an odd position dissipating. It was hard to move because I was wrapped up like a burrito—in fur. _Fur?_ My brain finally rebooted, and I was curious as hell.

"Edward? Why am I sleeping outside wrapped up like a big furry burrito? What the hell is this wrapped around me?"

"Best looking, tastiest burrito _I've_ ever come across." Edward chuckled. "It's bearskin."

"Where the hell did you get a bearskin?"

"Alice."

"Ah, the psychic pixie strikes again."

"You fell asleep on me last night, and you were sleeping so peacefully. The night was so beautiful I didn't want to wake you. I also know you would've been pissed off if I drove Tess."

"You're so sweet, boyscout. And you're right—I would've been pissed if you drove my girl." I struggled to sit up, but the bearskin was heavy, hindering my progress. "Can you get me out of this thing?"

Edward unwrapped me, and the cool morning air raised goosebumps over my exposed skin.

"Wow, that thing sure is warm. Do you think Alice will mind if we borrow it? I'd love to sleep outside again sometime."

"Of course." Edward leaned down to kiss my neck, and I rested back against him with the bearskin covering my legs.

"This is the life," I sighed as his lips and tongue continued sampling my skin.

And it was. If only the ugly face of reality never had to rear its happiness-destroying head again.

"Are you hungry?" Edward asked.

"Yeah. We'll have to get something on the way home." My stomach grumbled on cue.

"Alice brought you a bagel, some fruit, and a thermos of coffee. She also left you a small pack with a mirror, brush, and your makeup bag." Edward sounded amused, but I was thrilled.

"Oh, my God! Alice is the best. You can laugh, boyscout, but a girl likes to pretty herself up after a night... like that."

The first thing I did was reach for the coffee. Bless Alice's heart, she'd put a shot of JD in it. "Best coffee ever," I moaned.

Edward leaned in toward me, his nose wrinkling up. "Is that liquor in there? What the hell was she thinking?"

I pushed him back with a snort. "Don't be such a goody two-shoes, Edward! A little shot of JD in coffee is the bomb."

"The bomb?" His brow wrinkled with confusion.

I rolled my eyes. I'd really need to teach this boy some modern lingo—well, at least from this decade. "The bomb... great, awesome, fucking terrific, you know."

"Ah. Such strange expressions." He shook his head.

I rolled my eyes again, muttering, "So last century."

"I'm modern enough to turn you on..." he whispered, licking the shell of my ear.

"I'll give you that one, Edward. You're the hottest centenarian I've ever met."

Edward snorted. "I'm the hottest anything you've ever met."

"All this... and modest, too!" I exclaimed, laughing.

While I ate, Edward stroked my hair, my arm, my back; his hands were always on me. With anyone else, I would have found that incredibly annoying, but I loved it when he touched me. His golden eyes took me in, and I wondered what was going on behind their liquid depths. I didn't ask, though. This moment with him was so perfect; I didn't want to ruin it.

Once I'd finished the little spread Alice had prepared and spent a little time freshening up with the kit she'd packed for me—bless that little pixie—my curiosity started to horn in the peacefulness. Hell, I knew this little fantasy couldn't last forever. A certain drug dealer that scuffled with Edward yesterday was at the forefront of my mind.

"Tell me about Riley."

"Ah, Riley." Edward laughed lightly. "He has a bit of a... crush on you."

"Yeah, I know that. What I'm interested in hearing about is how he knows fucking James."

Edward growled low in his throat. "They're acquaintances. Riley knew James had marked someone and was after her, but he didn't know it was you right away. You'd already met Riley at the bar, and he was quite smitten with you before he put it all together and realized you were the one that James was hunting."

"Do you believe him? Did you read him?"

"Yes. Riley's a perv, and he'd like nothing better than to get between us, but he doesn't want to see you hurt. Apparently, Riley was there the day James attacked you at the Res. He was across the water, waiting for James to snag you. He hasn't seen or heard from James since, and I suspect James knows that Riley has a soft spot for you."

"He was going to help James capture me? And you let him go?" I asked incredulously. Anger started to fill me up like a toxic poison.

"No, no. That was the day Riley realized you were the one James was after. He was planning to help you escape once he saw you on the beach. He was too far away to intervene, but he did see what went down, and he's pretty sure that James got away."

"Fuck. Does that asshole have nine lives or something?"

"An eternity of lives, Izzy." Edward's voice held amusement. "He was sopping wet, after all. Surely you didn't think a flare would kill him so easily? It was an inspired idea, though. If he'd been dry, I think he would have gone up like tinder. Very effective weapon to carry, my smart girl."

This all made me very cranky, and I sat forward, pulling away from Edward's loving embrace. I wanted that fucker to die a thousand deaths for thinking he was going to take me for his own, to separate me from the only one in my entire life that has ever loved me for me. Edward didn't _want_ anything from me other than my love and to love me in return.

"I want him dead. I want to see him burned to ashes!" I spat.

Edward put his hands on my arms, pulling me gently back against his chest. "I know, Izzy. I want that, too; you have _no_ idea how much." Edward growled, the rumble vibrating against my back. "If he ever took you from me, I..."

"Don't, Edward. Don't go there." My voice was more forceful than I'd meant it to be, but the thought of losing him made my insides feel as if someone shoved their hand in, grabbed a fistful of my innards, and twisted them. That feeling right there was the main reason I never let anyone get close to me. If you loved, you could lose. Someone or something could step in and destroy everything in a split second. I hated living in fear, which made me hate James all the more.

"Shh... Izzy, he's not going to get you. I won't allow it. I'll die protecting you, if necessary."

My stomach rolled, and I just had to be away from Edward's tender touch at that moment. Pulling away from him, I stood up and stalked off into the trees.

"Izzy..."

"I have to take a whiz, okay?" I shot back.

Leaning back against the trunk of a huge tree, I slid to the ground. I loved Edward so much. He helped make me a better person, but he also left me weak and vulnerable. Before I met him, there was nothing that could hurt me, but now I had a great deal to lose.

Dropping my head into my hands, I pulled my hair, reveling in the pain traveling along my scalp. So many feelings were piling up inside me, and I suddenly wished I had my pocket knife on me right now, but it was back in the car. I'd never get away with cutting myself with Edward around anyway, but _fuck me_ I wanted to feel that release right now. I was like a pressure cooker with a blocked top—the emotions building and building inside me until I was about to implode.

"Surely you're aware that I can tell you're _not_ relieving yourself." Edward's voice suddenly came from my left, and I started, glaring up at him.

"Who the fuck says 'relieving yourself' these days? You're so last century, Edward."

"I _am_ from last century, Izzy." A crooked grin spread across his face.

Crankily, I continued to glare up at him, avoiding his panty melting smile as best I could. He really was beautiful, and I took him in from head to toe: tousled sex hair, sensual lips turned up in a smirk, tight black t-shirt hugging his lean muscles, black jeans hanging low on his hips... _damn him. _Edward would look hot in a fucking potato sack.

He crouched next to me, placing a finger under my chin to tilt my face his way. For a moment, he said nothing, watching closely. His golden eyes were clouded with concern. "What is it?" he asked softly.

"Do you always have to be so fucking perfect?" I snapped, dangerously close to pouting. I wanted to be angry with him, but I couldn't be. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts, to cut myself, but I was never alone, and he'd never let me get away with it anyway. I'd have to explain myself to him; he'd want to know why I was cutting or snorting a line. Hell, he could smell any substance I put into my fucking body. My life was not my own. This fact didn't sit well with me, but I was in too deep; there was no way my freedom would be worth letting Edward go. And in that moment, I knew that I was truly and completely his, for better or worse.

"I'm far from perfect, Izzy." He laughed in a self-depreciating way. "Tell me what's wrong. Why did you feel the need to get away from me? Did I say something to hurt you?"

For a moment, I stared back into his golden eyes—eyes I had come to crave roving over my body, seeing into my soul... ferreting out my secrets. If I was honest with myself, Edward was my ultimate drug. I'd realized it on some level the night he'd showed up in my room and took the vial of blow away from me, the night of our first kiss. A part of me recognized even then that Edward was going to be my Achilles' heel. I'd fought so hard not to fall for him, but it was hopeless. I never had the strength, and I no longer had the urge, to fight against the fact that Edward Cullen was my saving grace along with being my greatest weakness.

"Yes, damn you."

"Tell me what I did."

"You said you would die protecting me." My words were barely a whisper on the wind, but I knew he could hear me just fine.

"Izzy, you have to know I meant it." He drew closer, his cool breath ghosting over my cheeks. "You're everything to me."

"That's the problem. I don't _want _to mean that much to you."

"Why? Have you changed your mind... about us?"

"If only it were that easy..." I muttered. If I could just push him away, turn my back on him, things would be much simpler.

Edward cupped my face in his hands, saying nothing until my eyes met his. "What are you trying to say?" I could hear the fear behind his words, see it in his eyes.

_Jesus. He thinks I'm going to dump him._

"Edward... I love you so much. I can't believe I'm going to say this out loud..." I closed my eyes.

"Say what out loud?" There was still an undercurrent of fear in his words, and his hands tightened almost imperceptibly on my face.

"I'm scared. Scared of _this_—what I feel for you. Scared that James will take you away from me. I don't want you to die for me, Edward."

"Oh..." he said on a short, relieved puff of his cool, sweet breath. "I thought you were going to say something else."

"You thought I was going to break it off, didn't you? I suppose I've never given the impression of stability."

"It's what I feared because I love you so much. As far as stability goes... you're doing much better than when we met."

I looked up into his eyes; his face held an expression of such relief. "I suppose you're right, boyscout. I'm not _that_ girl anymore—I would never let another man put his hands on me. Ever." I caressed his handsome face. Truly, I knew that I would never willingly allow another man to touch me. I may have been a foul-mouthed bitch with a huge chip on her shoulder, but I was smart enough to realize Edward was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

"I'm glad to hear you say that. Now about the protecting you part... what has you so upset?"

My glare was back, and I turned it on him in full force. "Edward, are you for real? I don't want anything to happen to you. I don't want you to... leave me." The last part was whispered, but he could hear me with his damn vampire superpowers.

_You sound like such a fucking pansy! I love him, too, but don't you have any dignity? _My inner banshee was back. I'd been wondering when she would rear her ugly head. I decided to ignore her.

"Izzy, I'm not going to die. James is no match for my family and the wolves."

"You don't know that. You can't promise me that you won't die because of me, can you?"

Edward looked down at the ground. "No, I can't."

"Thank you for being honest."

Edward shifted to sit next to me against the massive tree, pulling me into his embrace. "I promise to do everything in my power to protect you and be here for you always. There really is very little chance of James overpowering all of us. If we stick together, and you cooperate, there isn't much he can do without making a spectacle of himself. And _that_ is something no vampire wants to happen."

"Why?"

"Because that will attract the attention of the Volturi. The existence of vampires must remain secret, and if they get wind of odd activity, they'll come and check it out. They aren't known for their mercy—very often vampires are destroyed just by their association with troublemakers. If James made a lot of newborns, the Volturi would find out."

"What if they come here?"

"Then we're all in danger, Izzy. If they find out about you, they'll want to turn you for your powers, and they'll likely destroy me and my family for keeping you a secret all this time." When I gasped, he continued, "Don't worry about them. Alice would see them coming, and we'd take measures to protect you."

"What kind of measures?"

"We could take off for a while—Carlisle could tell them a few of us went on a trip."

"Wouldn't they check?"

"Not if there was no reason for them to be suspicious. Please, Izzy; we have enough on our plates right now. We really don't need to add the Volturi to the mix."

"Okay. Promise me that you'll do whatever is necessary to stay alive... even if that means giving me up."

Edward growled low in his throat. "_That's_ not going to happen. I'll never promise you something like that. I could never live with myself if I didn't do everything I could for you, Izzy. If I let you go, I would have no life worth living anymore."

I tipped my head back against the tree, contemplating Edward's words. Would I want to live knowing that I'd allowed Edward to die in my place? If it came down to it, wouldn't I use my power—or any other means at my disposal—to keep anyone from killing him? Yes, of course I would.

"You're right, Edward. I was being selfish, but I understand."

"You do?"

"Yes. But you have to understand that the reverse is true, too. I will do whatever is within _my_ power to make sure you don't go down for me."

"But –"

"No. There are no buts. My feelings for you are just as strong as yours are for me. I would face the same moral dilemmas you would. Don't put me below you, Edward."

"Damn it," he muttered, raking his fingers through his hair roughly.

"Is that your way of agreeing to my terms?" I asked with a smirk.

This time it was Edward's turn to glare at me, and boy, could he glare. A shiver traveled along my spine as we sat there staring each other down. Finally, he caved.

"You win."

"I always do, boyscout. Like all men, you're a little slow on the uptake." When I took in the glare that was still beaming from his face, my panties grew wet. "Um, you're really fucking sexy when you give me the Edward Cullen Death Glare... just so you know. _So_ hot."

He grabbed my hand before it could land on his crotch. "Not now."

"But you always want me, baby." I leaned closer, licking a trail up the side of his neck. Edward drew in a sharp breath, and I knew I had him.

"Oh! Whoa! What-all's going on up here?" The loud, booming voice belonged to none other than...

"Hello, Em. You totally ruined our make-up sex. This better be good." I turned to glance at the big teddy bear that stood at the edge of the tree line.

"Ha, ha, ha! Sorry, Iz. You've got company waiting back at your house, though. Alice said so. Take a rain check on that make-up sex... maybe in Eddie's room where I can listen." Emmett wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Emmett!" Edward was affronted.

Poor, innocent boyscout. I thought it was a grand idea, but I just winked at Emmett and kept it to myself.

"I saw you wink at him, Izzy." I could tell without even looking that Edward was rolling his eyes.

"Well, how the fuck did you do that? Can you see through my thick skull now, too?" I huffed.

"No, I saw it through his mind, the pervert."

This time we all laughed... some harder than others. _Cough._

**~*IWIPB*~**

It turned out that Ricky and Darren were sitting on my front porch when we arrived back home with Tess. Edward tried his hardest—even busting out a boo-boo lip—but I refused to let him get behind the wheel of my baby. _Edward is also really fucking hot when he pouts. Just saying._

When we pulled into the driveway, Ricky and Darren jumped up and ran to Tess, caressing her tough exterior with gentle hands. They 'oohed' and 'ahhed' all over her gleaming black ass. Opening the door, I stood up and watched the two yahoos with amusement.

"Um, hey! I wish you'd give _my _chassis so much care and attention."

"Hey, bitch!" Darren smiled behind his hand—as if I couldn't see the playful gleam in his eyes.

"Asshole." I nodded in greeting.

Ricky ran over and enveloped me in his arms—as much as his wiry frame could envelope, that is. His hands ran up and down my back, and he pressed his cheek to mine, whispering in my ear, "God, Izzy-B, you scared the shit out of me. Are you really okay?"

I hugged him back tightly—Ricky was the only one in my life, other than Edward, that meant the world to me. He was a true friend that loved me just as I was. "I missed you, Ricky. Yeah, I'm okay. Edward has been taking good care of me, and you know that his dad is a doctor, so... I'm good." We were swaying back and forth gently. My mind returned to what was going on before all hell broke loose. "How are you, babyface? And Lila?" I asked curiously.

"I'm glad you're being taken care of. I'm great. Lila is... awesome. I think I found the girl of my dreams... thanks to your prodding."

"Yes! I knew it! She's just perfect for you."

Ricky loosened his hold on me. "Sorry, Edward. This girl means a lot to me."

"That's perfectly okay, Ricky. She means a lot to me, too, and I know what a good friend you've been to her."

I smiled into Ricky's shirt. "Not even a little bit jealous, boyscout?"

"Not even a little."

Darren stood awkwardly to one side of Tess, so I pushed Ricky away and stalked up to him, taking him in from head to foot. "Hair looks normal again, disgusting nose chain in place, snarky smile, signature black clothing... and _where_ did you get those fuck-awesome black suede combat boots?"

"Wouldn't you like to know, bitch?"

"Oh, you'll tell me all right. Izzy has her ways with the men." I nodded my head slowly. "You have to hook me up with a pair of those boots."

"What size do you wear?"

"Seven."

"Done."

"So... a hug, asshole?"

"Why the hell not?" Darren picked me up in his arms, spinning me around until we were both dizzy. He staggered back and fell on his ass with me on top.

"Shit, asshole! If you want to get cozy with me, there are more traditional methods." I put a hand up to my head, which was spinning.

Darren spread his arms and legs out on the grass and let out a loud, braying laugh. Once I regained my equilibrium, I joined in. It felt good to laugh; it seemed like years since I'd truly let loose, and maybe it had been. That was a sobering thought, effectively curtailing my amusement. Sitting back on my heels, I glanced over at Ricky and Edward to find them deep in conversation, and I wondered what it was about.

"Hey, boys... what gives?"

"Nothing. Just catching up." Ricky smiled at me.

Edward said nothing, but he walked over and held out a hand to help me up. I accepted his hand, feeling the usual tingle rush up my arm. He gazed down into my eyes, capturing me where I stood. Caressing my cheek with one hand, he smiled faintly before pulling me in with his other arm. "I love you, Izzy. Just go with this," he murmured so low I could barely hear him.

"With what?"

"Shh... Trust me." Edward held me close, and my heart started beating a bit faster, although I had no idea why. He slipped his phone out of his pocket, holding it between us with the screen facing me.

_**Incoming Text Message from Alice:**_

**James is close. Emmett and Rose on the way.**

I wanted to scream, but I held it together. Knowing that fucker was close by set my blood to boiling, and my heart started beating harder in my chest. If he was really close, I knew he'd be able to monitor my vitals, and my reaction might give us away. I tried to breathe deeply, but it was difficult with the anger flaring through me. I felt a gentle _~flex~ _in my mind and worried about what might happen. I'd never felt that feeling unless there was a specific purpose to it, but it seemed as though my power was gearing up for an attack. My eyes met Edward's, and I mouthed, 'My power,' to him. He seemed to understand, and one hand tightened around my upper arm as he slipped the phone back into his jeans pocket.

Edward pulled me close, whispering into my ear, "Kiss me."

It seemed like a strange request, but I knew that his mind would be all over James and his close proximity, so I just went with it. Sliding my arms up around his neck, I looked into his topaz eyes for a moment before mine slipped closed, and I brought my lips to his. He pulled me in close with both hands firmly wrapped around my waist and brushed his lips slowly across mine. Even though the contact was light, an electric tingle started to spread through my body, vibrating at a frequency I was coming to know as our own special connection.

Edward continued to hold me firmly, his lips moving slowly against mine. Unconsciously, I arched my back, leaning in closer to his rock-solid torso. He placed gentle kisses along my jaw until his lips were against my ear. "I want to mark you again."

His words sent a thrilling jolt right between my legs, and I increased my hold around his neck when my knees weakened.

"Will that help with James?"

"No. It's purely selfish and possessive of me." His cool tongue traced around the edge of my ear, and shivers raced through me, adding to the tingling, heat, and wetness that were already gathering at the apex of my thighs.

"Now?" I whispered.

"No." His nearly black eyes gazed down into mine meaningfully. "When we're alone. But soon."

I couldn't look away. Part of me was aware that Ricky and Darren had to be standing awkwardly by, watching this scene play out; I knew we were being rude, but I couldn't bring myself to care. Edward was waiting for my answer.

"Yes," I answered breathlessly.

Edward lowered his face to mine again, kissing me deeply. He licked across my lips, which I wasted no time parting to invite him in. With a barely suppressed moan, he lifted me off my feet, crushing me to him as his tongue delved into my mouth. My heart pounded between us as I melted into his kiss.

"Um, Izzy-B, we're gonna go..." Ricky's tentative voice broke into the sensual cloud surrounding me.

Edward pulled back from my lips, letting me down to the ground, where my knees buckled. My arms were still around his neck, and his hands were planted on my hips; otherwise, I would have fallen into a boneless puddle on the ground.

"Don't leave, Ricky. My apologies for our... very public display," Edward offered.

"That's okay. We really need to get going anyway."

"Okay, Ricky. I want to hear more about Lila, so I expect a phone call or visit soon." The only reason I was readily agreeing to them leaving was my fear that they might get sucked into any drama that might occur with James. The last thing I wanted was for more people I cared about to get hurt. Edward's eyes flicked back to mine, and he seemed to understand my concerns.

"Yes, please come visit soon. Izzy will be staying at my place for the foreseeable future, but you're both welcome to visit us anytime."

"Thanks, man." Ricky smiled, bumping fists with Edward.

Darren just nodded; he didn't seem as comfortable around Edward as Ricky was.

Edward never let go of his hold on me.

"Love you, girl. Take it easy, yeah?" Ricky kissed my cheek.

Darren looked at us oddly. "See you." He glanced back once as they sauntered over to Ricky's car.

When they were gone, we moved Tess into the garage, entering the house through the inside door. I didn't say anything about James because I wasn't sure how close he might be.

"Darren looked odd," I commented as I shut the door and put my things down on the kitchen table.

"He's wondering about us. He thinks I'm too attached to you." Edward smirked.

"And that would be funny why?"

He walked toward me slowly, taking my wrists in his hands and pinning them up against the wall beside me. His lips ghosted over my neck, his tongue peeking out to lick his mark on my neck. "Because he's absolutely right. I _am_ too attached to you. I want you every moment of every day." Another lick. "There's no physical way for me to get as close to you as I wish to."

"Edward..." My voice shook. His words rocked me to the core because I found myself feeling the same way—I wanted to crawl inside him and curl up like a cat in her favorite patch of sun. "What's happening with us?"

Instead of answering, Edward pressed his lips to mine again, his tongue moving in perfect sync with mine. He let go of my wrists, and without breaking the kiss, lifted me by the backs of my thighs. He backed up and turned us around, sitting me on the counter of the breakfast bar and placing his hands down flat on either side of my hips. I put my hands on his shoulders to stabilize myself. Without speaking, he focused his smoldering eyes on my lips as he leaned in slowly to kiss me again, his tongue moving against mine for a moment before he pulled back. He slipped one hand under my shirt, his long fingers playing with my nipples. Falling to his knees, he looked up at me with pure lust in his eyes, and I drew in a sharp breath. His hands moved to my thighs, and he pushed my skirt up slowly until my pussy was bared to him. I pressed my hands against the counter, curling my fingers into claws until my nails were digging into my palms. Coaxing my legs farther apart, his gaze fell between them unabashedly, and he growled.

"Edward... what about..." I mouthed, 'James.'

"He's gone."

"How do you know?"

"I read Rosalie's thoughts. James got away."

"Fuck."

Edward's hands gripped my thighs tighter. "I want to mark you now."

"Where?" I asked with surprise. I fully expected him to go back to the mark on my neck, but apparently, he had other ideas—possibly delicious ones—in mind.

He leaned forward, licking a trail along the inside of my thigh, stopping just short of my pussy. Swirling his tongue in a tight circle then nipping with his lips, he said, "Right here."

My eyes nearly rolled back in my head, my breath coming in short pants. Looking down and seeing Edward's head between my legs about to sink his teeth into my upper thigh was an aphrodisiac that went beyond words. He placed a gentle kiss where he wanted to bite, looking to me for permission first. The low rumbling growl that vibrated in his chest told me that he was holding himself back with some difficulty, but I knew that if I said no, he would back off. That's what made Edward so wonderful and perfect.

Unable to speak, I nodded my head and watched as his eyes darkened further. Then he sank his teeth into my thigh, and after a slight sting, it was pure ecstasy. I don't know that it had to do with the mechanics of what he was doing as much as the thrill I received watching him and listening to the growl in his chest lower in volume until it was almost a purring sound. When he'd bitten my neck, I couldn't see him at all, but in this position, I could watch him drink, watch his eyes slip closed, witness him trembling between my legs. I couldn't take my eyes off him, and when he gazed up at me after his second mouthful, I nearly came right then.

Gripping his hair in my fingers, I reveled in the feel of each small pull he took. "God, Edward..."

A moment later, he pulled his teeth from my thigh, licking the wound closed with his tongue. I nearly protested the fact that he'd stopped so soon, but my words jammed in my throat when he shifted his mouth dead center between my legs. He kissed my kitty once softly before parting it with two fingers to lick at my clit. Edward's tongue flicked lightly over my sensitive nub, swirling around before dipping inside me. He repeated this pattern over and over, moving faster than a human male would be capable of. My fingers tightened convulsively in his hair, my other hand splayed out behind me against the cool marble of the counter for support as he laved me with his tongue. Between what was going on between my legs, knowing how badly he wanted to mark me again, and the sight of him doing so, it wasn't long before I felt a tightening in my abdomen as shivers of the most exquisite pleasure started washing over me.

"Oh... I'm going to..." I gasped.

Edward placed a hand on my hip, squeezing it to encourage me to let go. There was nothing I could do to stop it even if I'd wanted to. I held out a few more seconds, knowing that would make it even more intense, and then I came hard with a sharp cry. He continued to lick at me until the aftershocks died down, and then I heard the sound of his zipper going down.

_Fuck, yeah._

Edward slid my ass forward, wrapping one arm around my back for support and entering me swiftly. With a soft growl, he set a fast pace, looking down on me with pure lust. Rolling his hips against me over and over, he moaned his pleasure even as I felt my own orgasm building again.

"Edward, I'm getting close again," I whimpered.

"Hold on for me, Izzy," he rasped, leaning down to take a nipple between his cool lips.

The feeling nearly sent me over the edge as it traveled straight to my center, but I tried to hold on so we could release together. Flicking his tongue across my nipple a few times, he whispered, "Now. Come for me, Izzy," as he shifted his lips off to the side and bit into my tender skin lightly, licking at the blood that beaded there. Needing no further encouragement, I exploded beneath him, feeling his cool seed pump into me as he cried out my name.

Spent, boneless, and breathless, he lifted my limp form in his arms after zipping up his jeans and carried me up to the bathroom. Sitting me on the lid of the toilet, he drew a warm bath, holding out a hand to help me step in after undressing me. Sinking into the soothing water, I closed my eyes and sighed with contentment. We hadn't spoken a word since we came together in the kitchen, but there was an unspoken peace between us, an understanding of some kind that I didn't quite comprehend. I was getting used to such occurrences when dealing with Edward.

He knelt next to the tub and shampooed my hair, his long fingers massaging my scalp and relaxing away any tension that might have been left over from earlier.

"Oh, you have magic fingers," I enthused, "to go along with your magic tongue... and your magical cock. And let's not forget those cutting edge incisors."

Edward chuckled. "I aim to please." He continued massaging my scalp for a few moments before speaking again. "May I assume you're okay with what happened? That last little... nibble... wasn't planned. I got a bit carried away."

I smiled without opening my eyes. "I really must find a new nickname for you; boyscout is so inadequate now that I've corrupted you. Yes, it was fine. I can't believe I'm about to admit this, but I really get off on you... um, biting me."

"Tilt your head back."

My eyes flew open only to meet two very amused topaz ones. With a crooked smile, he said, "So I can rinse your hair, Izzy. I'm not about to drink from you again."

"Oh, um, sure." I complied, tilting my head back. "So why don't you want to drink from me again? You did enjoy it, right?"

"_Very_ much. I didn't take a great deal of blood from you, but your body will need time to replenish it."

"I see. Did it... taste good?"

"Yes, but you still don't taste like you yet. I can still detect other... flavors under your unique bouquet due to the transfusions. This wasn't about your blood, though, Izzy." His tone had turned more serious.

"What was it about then?" I asked carefully, keeping my eyes closed as he continued to rinse the soap from my hair, the warm water tracing gentle rivulets down my back.

I felt his wet hand touch my face, turning it his way, and I opened my eyes to meet his. "Izzy, vampires are very possessive creatures. I'm not necessarily proud of it—and it won't matter one iota to James—but I wanted my mark somewhere more... intimate. It was purely selfish of me, and I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," I said softly, reaching a hand out to caress his cheek. "I wanted—no, needed—that as much as you did. I want everyone to know I belong to you, Edward."

He leaned in to kiss me. "Well, I certainly hope you aren't intimate enough with anyone else to show them _those_ marks," he answered playfully.

"No, that will never happen. It's only you, boyscout."

An hour and many kisses, caresses, and a short romp in my tub later, we arrived back at the Cullens' house to discuss James. Edward and I walked in hand in hand, barely able to stop touching each other; it seemed his marking and drinking from me had a similar affect on us both, and we were reluctant to be more than a few inches apart.

Everyone was gathered at the dining room table waiting for us. It seemed that all serious discussions took place around their table, and by the looks on their faces, this was no exception. As usual, Carlisle was at the head of the table with Esme to his left. Emmett and Rosalie were to Esme's left, and Jasper sat beside Alice across from them. Edward sat in the chair next to Jasper, pulling me down sideways on his lap and wrapping his arms around me. I was glad he didn't make me sit apart from him; I wasn't ready to lose contact with him either.

Everyone greeted us. Most notably, Carlisle with a knowing smile and Emmett with a loud guffaw before he said, "Shi-it... I can smell you two all the way over here. I'd tell you to get a room, but obviously, you already did."

I laughed, already anticipating Edward's, "Emmett!" delivered between gritted teeth.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Shut the fuck up, you goons. We need to talk about James, remember?" Her jaw was set in a way that told me the news wasn't of the we-caught-James-and-burned-him-to-ashes variety. _Fuck my life._

Carlisle broke in before things got out of hand. "We have serious matters to discuss, everyone." He never raised his voice, but I noticed they all sat up straighter, coming to attention when he spoke. "Edward, Izzy... Alice had a vision that James was spying on you both from somewhere close to Izzy's house. Obviously, that means he isn't dead, and that he is, in fact, still very interested in getting to you."

Edward's arms tightened around me.

Carlisle continued, "Emmett and Rose headed his way but weren't able to get him. Emmett, do you want to explain what happened?"

"Yeah, sure. That asshole has quite the gift for evasion, 'cause I chased him hard, but he still outmaneuvered my ass. No fucking way—sorry Esme—that little putz could outrun me."

"I was watching your house from a distance. We didn't think it was a good idea to leave you completely unprotected; it could have been a ploy to divide and conquer," Rosalie informed me.

"Thank you," I said, and she nodded.

"Good thinking, Rose. Emmett, do you think he was working with any other vampires? Did you catch any other scents?" Edward asked.

"Nah, the fucker was alone. I didn't catch any fresh scents out there."

Edward started rubbing slow circles over my back, and I wondered if he was trying to soothe himself as much as me. James was a persistent fuck. I just wanted him dead; the thought of him hurting anyone I cared about made me feel sick inside. I lay my head on Edward's shoulder, settling my nose in the crook of his neck to breathe in his fragrant scent, which never failed to calm me. I placed a kiss on his Adam's apple, and he squeezed me reassuringly.

"Don't worry, Izzy. We'll get him," Edward said quietly.

"Izzy, I understand you had an incident with your power?" Carlisle addressed me.

Lifting my head, I nodded. "Yeah. How did you know that?"

"Edward told me when he called before the two of you came over. Can you tell me what happened?"

"Um, well, I was really pissed thinking about James stalking us, and I felt that little flex in my mind that happens when my power is gearing up. I mouthed to Edward that it was happening, and he distracted me by asking me to kiss him."

"And did that resolve it?"

"Yes." I realized that was true; after I'd started kissing Edward, there _were_ no more coherent thoughts of anger, James, or my power.

"I'd like to run some experiments, Izzy."

Edward stiffened around me. "What kind of experiments, Carlisle? And why didn't you mention this over the phone?"

"It just occurred to me, Edward. I wasn't trying to hide anything. I'd like to test Izzy's responses under CT and MRI. I have some theories I'd like to prove."

Edward growled. "She's not an experiment, Carlisle! There's no way I'm letting you trigger her power!"

"Wait, what?" I asked, confused, but then I realized Edward must be reading from Carlisle's thoughts.

"Son, calm down."

"Don't _tell _me to calm down. You're not using the love of my existence as a research subject!" Edward stood up, his hands tightening on my arms. "This conversation is over." He started to pull me from the room but hesitated when I resisted.

"Edward, wait. I want to hear what Carlisle has to say. I need to decide this for myself."

From the set of his jaw and the glare directed down at me, I could tell he wasn't going to make this easy. So, what else was new?

**~*IWIPB*~**

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**A/N: Yeah, so Edward was pretty frisky this chapter. See what happens when he lets the monster out of his cage? *cough* Leave me your thoughts, and I'll send you a special teaser. Promise.**

**I've been nom'd in a few categories of The Tomato Soup Awards. Thank you little angels! I haven't had a chance to look over the website yet, and I don't know when voting starts. Aren't I a font of information? Sorry, guys.**

**My collab with the lovely wmr1601 is up on The Lemonade Stand this week! Voting ends tomorrow, and your votes are much appreciated! The story is 'Speak Now.' And if you aren't reading it yet... why the hell not? Join us for some wedding crashing fun! And some angsty times. We'll be running the gamut in this fic.**

**My collab with Padme-And-Anakin-4-Ever (go check her stuff out) won first place voters' pick in the 'Write That Tune' anonymous contest! Thanks to all who read and voted. The story is posted on my profile, and it's called: 'So a Vampire Walked into a Bar...'**

**Enough of my blathering. If you**_** like**_** my blathering, join me on Twitter—where I spend entirely too much of my time. (at) SaritaDreaming**


	15. Chapter 15 The Butterfly Effect

**A/N: Here we go, guys. This chapter carries a heart fail warning.**

**I just have to take a moment to say that my readers really rock. Your support means the world to me, so thank you.**

**To my awesome prereaders, Keye and Sandy, a ride on Edward's fingers—hopefully not at the same time, although the boy **_**is**_** talented. These ladies are essential to my world. Mwah!**

**Speaking of essential... thanks to my awesome betas, jkane180, wmr1601, and Katmom for wielding their Sparkly Reds.**

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**Chapter 15**

**~The Butterfly Effect~**

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**Songlist:**

**Stitches ~ Switchfoot**

**Don't Let Go ~ Sarah McLachlan & Bryan Adams**

**Lost My Faith ~ SEAL**

**Sour Times ~ Portishead**

**Blow ~ Kesha  
**

**Wasteland ~ 10 Years**

**Fallen ~ Sarah McLachlan**

_**In stitches here tonight  
We are ripping the seams  
I'm pushing hard to tear it loose **_

_**~Excerpt from Stitches**_

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_**Previously**_

"_Izzy, I understand you had an incident with your power?" Carlisle addressed me._

_Lifting my head, I nodded. "Yeah. How did you know that?"_

_"Edward told me when he called before the two of you came over. Can you tell me what happened?"_

_"Um, well, I was really pissed thinking about James stalking us, and I felt that little flex in my mind that happens when my power is gearing up. I mouthed to Edward that it was happening, and he distracted me by asking me to kiss him."_

_"And did that resolve it?"_

_"Yes." I realized that was true; after I'd started kissing Edward, there were no more coherent thoughts of anger, James, or my power._

_"I'd like to run some experiments, Izzy."_

_Edward stiffened around me. "What kind of experiments, Carlisle? And why didn't you mention this over the phone?"_

_"It just occurred to me, Edward. I wasn't trying to hide anything. I'd like to test Izzy's responses under CT and MRI. I have some theories I'd like to prove."_

_Edward growled. "She's not an experiment, Carlisle! There's no way I'm letting you trigger her power!"_

_"Wait, what?" I asked, confused, but then I realized Edward must be reading from Carlisle's thoughts._

_"Son, calm down."_

_"Don't tell me to calm down. You're not using the love of my existence as a research subject!"_

_Edward stood up, his hands tightening on my arms. "This conversation is over." He started to pull me from the room but hesitated when I resisted._

_"Edward, wait. I want to hear what Carlisle has to say. I need to decide this for myself."_

_From the set of his jaw and the glare directed down at me, I could tell he wasn't going to make this easy. So, what else was new?_

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**~*IWIPB*~**

**~*Izzy*~**

Carlisle's words had piqued my interest—I wanted to know how he intended to test out my power and what his theories might be on the subject. Was there a way I could gain control over my power? Theoretically, I supposed it was possible because I'd done it outside my house with Edward just a little while ago when he'd distracted me with a kiss.

My thoughts were interrupted by swift movement and a low growl. I shut my eyes, feeling woozy, but opened them when I felt something hard at my back. Blinking away the dizzying feeling, I found myself pressed to the wall in the upstairs hallway. _Edward just picked me up and brought me upstairs?_

"Wh-What the hell?" I stuttered, reaching my hands out to rest against Edward's chest, although there was no need to steady myself since he had me pinned up against the wall. Glancing up, I was faced with a scowling Edward, his eyes dark and fierce.

"Don't do this, Izzy," he whispered.

The softness of his voice after the anger, growling, and bodily removal of me from his family threw me for a loop, and the angry diatribe I was about to embark on died in my throat.

"Edward_..." _My words were swallowed by his mouth coming down on mine, his tongue slipping between my lips. The kiss was raw, urgent. He tilted his hips forward, pinning me harder to the wall, his hands beside my head, caging me in.

Instead of feeling crowded, I felt safe, secure, and cared for. Edward never failed to draw the most unlikely reactions out of me. Normally, I would have been spitting mad, demanding that he let me go. This time, I found that I didn't _want_ him to move away.

My hands slid up his chest and over his shoulders—the smoothness of his black t-shirt gliding beneath my fingertips—to wrap around his neck, my lips moving with his. Even though he held me firmly against the wall with his hard body, I attempted to press myself even closer to him. What I really wanted was to be inside him.

His lips traveled greedily over my jawbone and down my neck, small growls punctuating the silence around us. At least it was silent for me; I'm sure Edward could clearly hear his family downstairs talking quietly amongst themselves—or thinking quite loudly—about the way he'd abruptly grabbed and removed me from the conversation. Knowing Emmett, bets would be laid regarding which one of us would give in first. I could almost hear Emmett's booming voice, _'My money's on Izzy!'_

"I want to crawl inside you," I whispered.

_Now why would you tell him that, you pussy? Do you want him to realize he can have his way because you're so weak when you're pressed up against him? _Cue annoying inner banshee with her usual uplifting commentary. I ignored the crotchety old bitch because, clearly, she knew nothing.

Edward's lips assaulted mine in a bruising kiss that would leave my lips swollen and tender later on. I tried to get even closer. Our mouths were mashed together, and I tasted blood. I'd bitten my own lip, and the blood smeared onto his—between us now, shared on our joined tongues.

Again, I felt the dizzying sensation of movement—the next thing I felt was the softness of the mattress hitting my back and Edward coming down between my legs, his lips never leaving mine. His hand skimmed the back of my thigh, hitching my leg around his body.

Lifting his head to look down into my eyes, he said, "You _are_ inside me, Izzy, and I'm inside you. Always."

I whimpered, my hands turning into claws in an attempt to pull him closer and my legs anchoring around his slim hips, feet digging into his ass. "I still can't get close enough," I cried breathlessly. "What's happening to me?"

His hand slid between us, up my skirt, fingers landing on the silky black thong I wore and curling around the side. I thought he was about to rip them off, but instead, he worked his hand inside them to slip his long fingers between my folds.

I gasped at the sensation of his coolness against my heat. My movements were limited with him atop me, but I tried my best to ride his hand while still keeping my legs firmly planted around him. "Closer..." I panted.

Edward used his other hand to rip open the front of his shirt, causing buttons to fly through the air, then used his teeth to lift mine so the skin of our torsos could press together. All the while, his fingers kept playing me, a feeling of warmth slowly spreading and vibrating through my body.

"Do me, Edward. I want you inside."

"Not this time."

"What? Why?"

"This is about you. You want to be closer, so I'm bringing you closer. Making love is a _shared_ pleasure, but I just want to love _you_."

I could only moan in answer, and then his tongue filled my mouth, his fingers filled my pussy, our chests pressed together, and I was washed away in a sea of sensations coming from everywhere and nowhere at once.

He brought me to orgasm once, twice, three times—until I couldn't bear any more—and I lay sated in his arms.

_Inside. _I was inside.

Hours later, I awoke to the dark night pressing against the windows. Candlelight flickered around our dim bedroom, and Edward's arms were wrapped protectively around me.

Shifting, I turned on my side, looking up into Edward's tawny gaze. He stroked my hair lightly, looking back at me with affection and a deep satisfaction.

"Why do _you_ look so happy, boyscout? I'm the one who had all the fun."

He smiled at me lazily. "I beg to differ."

"And...?" I prompted, sliding a hand into his tousled hair and scratching lightly.

"You wanted to be even closer, and we are. Don't you think that brings me pleasure? Sexual release is all right, but drawing closer to you in every way is so much more of a rush for me. Just when I think it's impossible to want you more, to _be_ more, I'm proven wrong."

Laying my head back down, I pressed my cheek against his now-warmed chest, running my index finger in patterns over his skin. I felt completely satisfied, desired, and safe for the first time. My vampire would do anything for me, and I would do anything for him.

Something inside my chest broke off and dissolved, swallowed by the love that flowed through me. I wasn't sure exactly how Edward had accomplished what had seemed impossible, but I sensed that I was one step closer to being the girl in the mirror.

"What... how did you?" I faltered, for once not knowing what to say.

"Shh... don't over-think it. We have a powerful bond, and it keeps growing more solid."

That answer would normally set me off—because we're all painfully aware of my need to know everything, to dig around until I'm satisfied—but what he said felt right. It made sense to my heart, if not my head. There was something otherworldly happening between me and Edward, so I decided to accept it.

"I'll try. Whatever this is, I feel it. It's palpable, and I crave it."

"Do you still have that feeling that you can't get close enough?"

"No. What did you...?" I trailed off, not sure what exactly to ask.

"Like I said before: I made it about you. Making love is a shared experience, but I concentrated all of my attention on just you. Your response tells me that was what you needed."

"And what do you need?"

"You feeling closer to me is all I need. You being mine... always."

"That I can handle." I smiled against his skin before placing a kiss over where his heart should be beating—because Edward Cullen had the biggest heart I'd ever come across.

**~*IWIPB*~**

Everything looks different in the morning light.

I still felt close to Edward, and he was still lying patiently beneath my sprawled body when I woke up, but the moments leading to our closeness the night before also came to mind. The whole reason Edward brought me upstairs was due to his desire to avoid the discussion with Carlisle.

"Good morning, Izzy." His fingers combed lightly through my hair, sending shivers down my spine.

Shifting around, I found we were covered by the down comforter. Rubbing my nose, I yawned before placing a hand on his still-naked chest.

"I haven't forgotten, you know," I said evenly without looking up at him. I could feel his gaze boring into my head like a laser, and I wanted to keep this casual.

"Izzy..."

"It's something I have to do, Edward. I _need_ to do this. If there's a chance I can learn to control this, I have to take it."

"What if something goes wrong? You nearly died from this – this _power_." He spat out 'power' as if it was the vilest word in the English language, and his arms tightened around me protectively.

Yes, there was always the chance that I would trigger a brain bleed that I couldn't recover from no matter how much of Edward's super spunk circulated in my body, but if there was a way to harness this power, I might be able to save myself and kick James' ass if it came down to that. The girl in the mirror beckoned to my soul stronger than ever. It was a Catch-22 because I needed to belong to Edward forever, but I would never get there unless I could grow and change. I felt very strongly part of that process was to gain control over this _thing_ inside me. If I didn't control it, then it could control me. Living in fear was never something I could abide—all the worse if the danger came from within.

"Edward, the way things are... I'm a ticking fucking time bomb. Do you realize that? Can you look through your protective haze and see the forest for the trees? It could _kill_ me—I'm all too aware of that fact." Finally, I lifted my head from his chest to meet his concerned golden eyes and softened my tone. "I want to be with you always. The thought of not being with you... it's unfathomable. I need you to trust in me, in my instincts." I rubbed my fingertips over the smooth skin of his face and kissed his chin.

Edward ground his fingers into his eyes with a sigh. He was silent for a while before looking back at me. When he did, I could see the resignation in his eyes—he knew as well as I did that this had to be done.

"_Fuck_." The rare expletive tore from his lips, and he stared up at the ceiling, the back of his hand resting on his forehead.

"It _so_ hot when you say naughty words," I whispered, licking a trail along his chiseled jaw.

"Izzy... don't. Don't make light of this, okay? I realize the need to give you room to make your own decisions—part of me even knows that it's the right decision—but don't expect me to be happy about it. I'm going to worry until it's over and you're safely in my arms."

"I'm sorry, Edward. I don't mean to downplay your concern. I'm worried, too."

"I love you, Izzy. More than my own life. More than anyone has ever loved another." His voice was so soft I almost didn't hear him.

"I love you, too, boyscout. You're the best thing that ever has or ever _will_ happen to me." Tears filled my eyes and spilled over, and I didn't even try to hide them this time. Edward wiped them away with the pad of his thumb, and his eyes glistened with venom that would never fall in the form of those little drops of emotion. I fucking hated crying, but I was glad that I _could_. Someday, I would be just like Edward—unable to shed tears. Knowing I would be his for eternity definitely made up for that and anything else I might have to go through to earn my place by his side.

He held me in silence for a while before saying quietly, "Get dressed so we can go to the hospital to see Carlisle."

"That's it? No more fighting?"

"That's it. You convinced me. But... I want to be there the entire time, and I need your word that if something goes wrong I can – I can change you."

"Deal."

"Really?" Edward sat up with me, his gaze pinned on mine. "You would let me change you?"

"If, and _only_ if, something irreversible goes wrong. It's not that I don't want to change for you, Edward, but I want to be as whole as possible before then. Just so we're clear—I want to be yours for eternity."

"Okay, so it's settled." He lifted my hand, placing a kiss in my palm.

**~*IWIPB*~**

An hour later, we arrived at Forks General and met Carlisle at his office. When we entered the room, Carlisle stood up behind his desk with a nod. Edward's hands tightened on my shoulders, and he growled lightly, stepping in front of me.

"Edward!" I exclaimed with surprise.

Carlisle was Edward's sire, his father and mentor. He had to know that Carlisle would never do anything to harm me. Hell, if I knew it, how could he not?

"It's okay, Izzy," Carlisle soothed before addressing Edward. "Edward, I'm sorry if you don't approve of the way I approached this. I understand that you need to make sure Izzy is safe, and please know that I'll do anything in my power to keep her that way."

"I do understand, Father, but I hope that _you_ understand why I'm acting this way. She's my whole world, my everything."

"I know that, Son. Please sit." Carlisle gestured to the two leather chairs in front of his desk.

My heart was racing in my chest, and my breathing was shallow. Edward kept hold of my hand, pulling me down onto his lap rather than sitting in separate chairs, which helped ease my nerves.

I draped one arm around his neck, the fingers of the other entwined tightly in his. Leaning my face into his neck, I whispered, "I love you. Thank you for this." I knew Carlisle could hear me, but I didn't care.

"Anything, Izzy. You know that," he responded softly, kissing my neck.

Lifting my head, I turned my face to Carlisle. "Okay, lay it on me."

"Obviously, there is no research on something like this. All I have are theories, but we also have the evidence from the scans that were done when you were in the hospital and the accounts from the two of you about how your power has manifested since. When I heard that you were able to stop your power from gearing up when Edward distracted you with a kiss, it made me think you might be able to learn to control it.

"I'd like to do some real-time experiments while you're in an MRI machine. I'd also like to do a CT scan both before and after. In addition, I think we may learn more if we hook you up to an EEG. I have an EEG machine at home, so we can do that part there."

"What are the risks?" Edward broke in.

"Well, you already know there's a risk of bleeding in the brain. If it becomes too severe, it could be fatal." Carlisle rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. "I'd like to tell you the risks are minimal, but there just isn't enough data to make any assumptions. On the other hand, I _am_ fairly certain, if left unchecked, one of these times will be the one that ends Izzy's life."

Edward's arms tightened around me, and he pressed his face into my hair.

"Carlisle, I've agreed to let Edward change me if anything goes wrong."

"Good to hear. We're going to do whatever we can to minimize the risks. The CT and MRI machines on the basement level aren't being used today, so we can count on a fairly long stretch of uninterrupted time." Carlisle rose to his feet. "Shall we?"

An hour later, Carlisle had the CT images up on a light box, where he pointed out the numerous sites of previous bleeds in my brain. Even the most recent ones appeared to be almost completely healed, which he said wouldn't happen under normal circumstances. There were no fresh ones, which meant no new bleeds occurred when Edward and I were up on the mountain and he heard my mind, or yesterday when he distracted me with a kiss while James was close by.

Edward was doing fine until it was time for the MRI portion.

Carlisle had me remove my jewelry, viper bites, and boots before going into the MRI area. He went up into the control booth, and Edward followed me inside, gripping my hand tightly.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked, pulling me against his chest.

"Yes, Edward. I need to do this." I didn't bother going into detail because we'd already discussed it.

The intercom clicked on, and Carlisle's voice filtered into the room. "Edward, can you get her into the MRI please?"

Edward settled me on the slide-out table, covering me with a thin blanket. Why was it always so damn cold in these places? They knew patients were usually dressed in those thin little gowns. He leaned in and kissed my forehead. "I love you, Izzy. Remember that we can stop at any time, okay? I'll be right here with you."

"Um... can you keep your hand on my leg? You know I fucking hate being inside this thing."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." He smiled crookedly at me as he pressed the button and the table slid inside the tunnel.

Inside, air rushed softly by—it reminded me of those little things in the ceiling of an airplane that you can adjust to direct air at yourself, and it smelled the same in there, too. The slight humming and vibration of the machine lulled me into relaxing a bit, and my heart finally slowed.

"Izzy, can you hear me?" Carlisle asked over the intercom inside the MRI.

"Yes."

"Good. I can hear you, too. We'll be able to communicate the entire time, so please let me know if you need to stop or if you feel anything is going wrong."

"Okay."

As promised, Edward's hand rubbed up and down my leg lightly. Just being 'in touch' with him helped me feel better.

"Okay, Izzy, we're going to start small. The first thing I want you to do is try to feel that flexing sensation in your mind—see if you can trigger it."

After sitting there for five minutes with no results, I decided to try and open my mind to Edward. I concentrated on telling him how much I love him, but nothing happened. Then I remembered that when I opened to him, I was feeling overwhelming emotion, so I delved into all the things I felt for him, letting them wash over me.

_~Flex~_

There it was.

_Edward._

"Yeah, Izzy? You okay?" Edward's hand tightened on my leg.

_I love you._

"I love you, too. Are you all right? Why are you saying that?"

_I'm in your head. Or are you in mine?_

"Edward, is everything okay in there? I didn't hear Izzy say anything." Carlisle's voice broke in.

"Yeah, everything is fine. I'm hearing her mind. She was able to do it."

"Great! Now, Izzy, I want you to try to use a small amount of force to move something. Try for the vase that was on the tray next to the machine when you came in."

"But I can't see it."

"Do you need to see it? Picture it."

Nothing happened. Even when Edward rolled the table out so I could look at the vase... nothing. I did feel the _~flex~_ and Edward could read my thoughts, but no movement on the vase. It was becoming surprisingly easy for me to open my mind to Edward. I was also able to close it down easier.

"Izzy, we're going to send you back into the machine. I want to test a theory, but I want to monitor you while we try it."

Once I was back inside, I waited nervously for Carlisle's instructions.

"Okay, Izzy, I want you to try to push Edward's hand off your leg."

"What? No! I'm not going to use this against Edward!" I protested.

"I don't want you to hurt him. Just try to gently nudge his hand off your leg."

"Okay, fine."

I was able to feel the flexing in my mind, but I didn't know how to initiate my power, how to project it. Each time I'd used it had been under duress. I allowed my mind to drift over the fight Edward and I had when he thought about changing me without my permission. Although I understood why he did it, a small arc of anger zipped inside my brain, and the next thing I knew, Edward's hand was gone. I also heard a muffled thud.

"Whoa! Easy." Carlisle's voice came over the intercom, but I could hear the laughter he was holding back.

"Damn, Izzy! You knocked me right on my ass."

"Did I hurt you?" I asked, worried.

"As if. Just wasn't expecting that," Edward answered with some bravado.

"I could, you know."

"Could what?"

"Hurt you. Well, not you... but someone."

Carlisle had me practice gently pushing Edward back, asking me to concentrate my effort in the center of his chest, as if I was using my hands. The first time, I knocked him back into the wall pretty hard—thankfully, nothing cracked. The more times I did it, the more control I had. By the time we finished, I was able to get to the point where Edward would feel a slight pressure, and I could slowly increase it until he was pressed back in a controlled manner.

It was exhausting, and an hour later, I started to get cranky.

"I'm so done with this, Carlisle," I snapped.

"Just one more thing, Izzy. Try the vase again please."

I shot a dark look up at the control booth, but I complied. Nothing.

From there we headed back to the CT scanner, where Carlisle checked for fresh bleeds. There was only one new area, but it had already healed over. The only reason he caught it was because of the CT he'd done just before the experiments.

Carlisle asked us to meet him back in his office in fifteen minutes.

Edward wrapped his arm around my waist, practically carrying me to Carlisle's office—my feet barely skimmed the floor the whole way. I decided not to give him a hard time because I knew how much stress these experiments had caused him.

Once the office door was closed, Edward pushed me up against it.

"Do it again. Open your mind to me," he whispered in my ear.

_Are you okay?_

"Yeah. I don't smell any blood, and your CT was pretty clean. I'm sorry if I worry so much, but you mean the world to me."

_You mean the world to me, too, Edward. I love you._

"God, it just does something to me to hear you in my head."

_Yeah, I can tell. You're hard as a rock._

I palmed his straining cock over his jeans.

"Not here," he rasped.

The next thing I knew, we were sitting in one of the chairs in front of Carlisle's desk, again with me on Edward's lap.

"Want to talk about the first thing that pops up?"

"Izzy... What am I going to do with you?" Edward shook his head.

"So many options... you'll come up with something."

We cuddled for the next ten minutes until Carlisle showed up. I was never much of a cuddler, but Edward had all kinds of strange effects on me. I craved him and his touch like a drug. No turning back.

Once Carlisle was seated behind his desk, my pulse started to flutter wildly again, but Edward held me tighter until I felt a calmness settle over me.

"Some interesting results. A lot of it is what I suspected, but there seems to be a bit more to it as well. First, it's my belief that you can't affect inanimate objects. We'd have to run more experiments to discover the scope of this. I suspect it has to do with intelligent life. You probably couldn't affect a plant, but you might be able to move an animal.

"I'm very happy with your CT results because, although there was one new area of bleeding, it healed within an hour. The only reason I could detect it was because we had previous films to compare it to. While I wouldn't recommend doing anything strenuous—like when you blew James into the water—I think you can practice gently without harming yourself. I'd also like to hook you up to my EEG at home because there was some interesting brain activity on your MRI that I'd like to explore further. Questions?" Carlisle folded his hands together, looking at me expectantly.

It was a lot to absorb, but it sounded fairly positive. If I came up against James and used my power, I'd likely kill myself in the process, but maybe I could work up to it.

"Do you think this works like exercise? If I keep practicing, will my exptertise grow stronger and cause less damage?"

"Yes, I think so. I recommend going _very_ cautiously, though. Make no mistake: this can still very much kill you."

"What about the venom in Edward's semen? Is that the reason I'm healing this way? I mean, what if we weren't having sex?"

"That I can't say with any certainty, Izzy. There's definitely accelerated healing going on, but would it continue if you and Edward abstained? Maybe for a while, but I suspect it would eventually cease."

Edward was silent through this whole exchange, and I wondered what his thoughts were. Turning my head, I looked into his eyes. "You're keeping me alive, boyscout."

"It appears so." He smiled crookedly and kissed my nose.

That was a good sign; Edward was feeling playful instead of brooding. I guessed he was pleased by the results.

"So, Carlisle, what do you want to do with the EEG?" I asked.

"Ah. The EEG will measure your brainwaves. I can see what state your mind is in when you use your power."

"Anything else I need to know?"

"I think that's all for now. Thank you for coming in, Izzy." His eyes flicked to Edward. "And thank _you_ for trusting me with her."

"I know you would never hurt her, Father. I can't help how protective I feel about her..." Edward drifted off, and it felt as though there were unspoken words hanging in the air.

"I completely understand." Carlisle nodded, looking into Edward's eyes.

They were totally leaving me out of something, but I chose not to push.

**~*IWIPB*~**

_**Heaven bend to take my hand  
And lead me through the fire  
Be the long awaited answer  
To a long and painful fight**_

_**Truth be told I've tried my best**_  
_**But somewhere along the way**_  
_**I got caught up in all there was to offer**_  
_**And the cost was so much more than I could bear**_

_**~Excerpt from Fallen**_

As we walked hand-in-hand out of the hospital, I felt freer than I had in a long while. It felt good to know that I could probably learn to harness this power, and I intended to build up those muscles because I never wanted James to get the jump on me again.

Emmett and Rosalie were hanging out in Emmett's jeep next to Edward's Vanquish. They were so very patient, always having to be my bodyguards. A sense of adventure came over me, and I decided we needed a night out on the town.

"Hey, guys!" I called out, skipping over to them. "Let's go to _Breaking Dawn_ tonight."

Rosalie, who was looking rather apathetic before, brightened. "Yeah? Go dancing? Sounds good to me! We've done nothing lately." She stuck an elbow in Emmett's ribs. "What'cha think, Monkey Man?"

"Fuck yeah! Let's go clubbin'!" Emmett's booming voice reverberated in my ears as he stepped forward to pick me up and swing me around like a child.

"Dancing?" Edward asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Yeah, boyscout, dancing! Come on... please? We'll drag Alice and Jasper, too."

Edward nodded. "Okay. But _only_ if Alice and Jasper come, too. We still need to be cautious."

Edward's phone buzzed, and as he held it up to his ear, I heard Alice squealing.

"Yes! Let's go dancing! I'm so excited. Let me talk to Izzy!"

Edward smirked as he handed me the phone.

"God, Alice! Do you know everything instantaneously?" I queried.

"Most of the time. Wear that short black skirt you have."

"Which one?"

"The one with the silver sparkles. Oh, and that low-cut, black, crossover top. Edward won't be able to resist you."

I glanced over at Edward slyly. "Edward can't resist me no matter what I'm wearing—or not wearing."

"Oh!" Emmett guffawed.

Alice laughed. "See you in a few."

A few hours later, we were on the way to the club. Alice and Jasper were riding in Emmett's Jeep, and Edward and I were alone in the Vanquish. Edward's eyes kept sliding along the edges of the deep V of my crossover top. _Great choice, Alice!_

I smirked at him. "You know, we're not going to make it there if you keep eye-fucking me like that."

"And that's a problem why exactly?" he asked, inching his hand up my thigh.

"Go, boyscout. You want to pull over for a quickie?"

"How about I take you up against a wall at the club?" he growled.

"Hello, wet panties."

Edward's fingers slipped beneath the silky material of the red thong I wore beneath my skirt. Maybe he expected me to push his hand away, but there was no way I'd deny myself the pleasure of his fingers. Sliding down in my seat, I opened my legs wider, and I could hear his indrawn breath.

He recovered quickly, working me expertly while he continued driving as if nothing was going on right beside him.

"That's so hot, Edward. _Ungh_."

"Emmett's having a great time at our expense right now," Edward informed me.

"He's just jealous..." I gasped, drawing closer to my release as I rode his fingers. "Faster, Edward."

One of the benefits of a vampire boyfriend are his magical fingers that move at any speed, and as a bonus, he never gets tired.

Flutters tightened my abdomen, and I let go with a sharp cry, tossing my head to the side. He slowed the movement of his fingers gradually as I came down. While I was still panting, his fingers slipped out of my panties and made their way up to his lips. Edward rubbed his fingers across his lips slowly then inserted each one in turn into his mouth, licking them clean. Obsidian irises met mine boldly. I was too busy moaning to wonder what had gotten into him—whatever it was, I wanted more of it.

"Oh, Edward... I've totally corrupted you, haven't I?"

"Totally."

"I fucking love it."

We arrived at the club then, and once the car was parked, Edward leaned over to kiss me. I could taste myself all over his lips and tongue, and a pulsating throb began between my legs despite what he'd just done to me on the way.

"I love tasting myself on you," I whispered.

"Mm-mm... I hope everyone smells you on me and realizes that you're mine."

There was a sharp rap on the glass. "Dude! Get out of the car! You guys are going to make Jazz combust. Do you two ever give it a rest?" Emmett shook his head.

"Jea—lous!" I sing-songed.

Edward came around to open my door, offering me his arm. Such a gentleman.

There were a ton of people lined up behind thick velvet ropes to enter the club. The hopefuls were a mix that ranged from elegant, to trendy, to sleazy, to wannabe. The bouncers were no-nonsense, bypassing several protesting people.

"This is an exclusive club, and I _am_ the final word," a bouncer intoned when someone tried to argue with him.

We were about halfway through the long line when another of the bouncers—a large black man that rivaled Emmett in size—pointed our way. "You, over there! Little pixie and her friends—come on over here."

Alice squealed with delight, dragging Jasper by the hand, and the rest of us followed. "Hey, Gary! You remember me?"

"How could I forget one of my best customers? Although you've been conspicuously absent lately, Alice," Gary chided. It was comical to see this 'Mr. T' lookalike waggling a finger at the psychic pixie.

He waved us in. A few people started to grumble, but they were silenced by one fierce look from Gary. I smiled behind my hand.

"Enjoy your night! Don't be a stranger."

"Thanks, Gary!"

Everyone just stared at Alice.

"So, how come we didn't know about you coming here?" Rosalie asked sourly. "You never brought _me_ here!"

"It's just something Jazz and I do every so often to blow off steam. It's kind of our thing, you know?" Alice smiled up at Jasper, and he skimmed his knuckles across her cheek.

"But how do you handle all the emotions?" Emmett asked Jasper.

"Anything for my Ali. Anyway, people usually have dampened emotions when they're buzzed and losing themselves in the music. I'm more concerned about Edward." Jasper smirked. "Especially when all the chicks start thinking about doing dirty things with him."

I glared at Jasper, placing a hand on my hip. "Well, I'll just have to kick their asses, now won't I?" I knew it was irrational to feel jealous about something that hadn't even happened yet, and it wouldn't matter anyway because I was secure in my standing with Edward. He wasn't going to be looking at anyone else.

"That's right, Izzy. There are no other women in the world as far as I'm concerned," Edward said softly, caressing my cheek.

"Wait. You..."

"Heard you, yes."

"Damn it! Don't let it go to your head, boyscout—either of them." I smiled cheekily.

"Are we going to stand here and talk all night, or are we going to go in and dance?" Alice asked with a huff and a stomp of her little foot.

"Lead the way..." Jasper took her hand, and she led him inside.

Following behind Alice and Jasper, I gazed around the club. This was my kind of place. It was dark and smoky with subtle lighting along the walls. Small round tables were placed strategically around the perimeter of the dance floor, offering a place to sit without getting in the way. The music was loud and pulsing; I could feel it resonating in my chest. This was the type of place you could get lost in, where nobody knew you.

Turning to face Edward, I grabbed his hands, pulling him with me as I backed into the sea of bodies on the dance floor. When I found a pocket of space in the middle, I closed my eyes and started swaying my hips to the resounding beat. I felt Edward's hands on my hips, and he spun me, pulling me back against his chest. Hooking my arm up around his neck, I arched my back, grinding my ass against his crotch.

"You're so sexy and uninhibited," he rasped in my ear, nipping my earlobe between his cool lips.

"Only with you," I answered, turning my head so I could see his chiseled jaw above me.

He leaned down and kissed me deeply, one hand sliding up the column of my neck to hold my head in place as he continued pressing his arousal into my ass. The vibration his chest made against my back tipped me off that he was growling as his tongue continued to plunder my mouth.

"Get a room, you two!" Emmett called out from nearby.

I turned to see him dirty dancing with Rosalie, who actually had a smile on her face for once.

"Can't you come up with some new material?" I teased, and he just shrugged, a silly grin spreading across his face.

A few minutes later, an agitated Alice glided up beside us. Her face was pinched in displeasure.

"What is it, Alice?" I asked.

"I can't see our futures because a few of the wolves are here. Damn it!" She stamped her foot.

"Who's here?" Edward questioned.

"Looks like Quil and Embry, but it only takes one of _them_ to screw up my visions."

"Did you see anything concerning before your visions went dark?"

"No. You know how I hate it when I can't see, though!"

Once Alice was over her distress about being unable to see the future, we had a lot of fun dancing in couples or sometimes just the girls in a huddle while our guys watched from the sidelines with lust-filled eyes. I had a feeling we were all going to get lucky tonight.

Glancing over at Edward slyly, I opened my mind to him. This time, instead of thinking words to him, I tried sending him a picture of what we did last night in his bed. His eyes fixated on me in a split second, and I knew it had worked.

_Last night was so hot. _ I winked at him.

He was on me in a split second, hands around my waist. "You can send images to me?"

"Apparently so. I decided to try it and see what happened."

"Show me something else," he whispered against my lips.

I thought back to the night we had sex on the hood of the Vanquish, Edward bracing himself on the hood as he pounded into me.

Edward looked down at me, the last of the gold in his eyes swallowed up by inky blackness.

"You really want me to take you right here in this club, don't you?" he growled in my ear, his arm snaking around behind me to press me tighter against him as we rocked to the music together.

I had to admit it was a huge turn on dancing with him this way, not to mention how it heated my insides to know I could send him images of us together—that he could see himself from my perspective. It was obviously having the same effect on Edward.

After having a few drinks, my human needs came calling. That was one thing I wouldn't miss when I was turned—no need for bathroom runs.

"Edward, I need to use the ladies' room."

He made to come with me, but I shook my head. Instead, Rosalie accompanied me.

We worked our way through the crowd until we spotted a dim, narrow hallway that glowed with an eerie red light cast by the neon signs over the doorways. Surprisingly, there were only a few people coming and going from the restrooms.

"I'll be right out here," Rosalie said after poking her head into the bathroom and sniffing the air.

My ears were ringing slightly, the silence of the room feeling like a weight in my throbbing ear drums. It was a relief to just sit and take a piss—alcohol always seemed to affect my bladder that way. A few giggling girls came into the bathroom, one of them talking about the 'hot guy with the sex hair.' Smirking to myself, I just sat in the stall for a few minutes until they left and the quiet returned.

Washing my hands, I glanced at myself in the mirror. With all the smooching Edward and I had done, my lipstick had nearly faded. I slipped the tube of 'Carmine Dreams' (does someone sit around in an office somewhere thinking of ridiculous titles for makeup shades?) out of my little bag—which was actually more like a change purse on a thin gold chain—and pouted my lips while I reapplied the blood-red lipstick. Snatching a piece of toilet tissue, I blotted. My eyeliner was still perfectly in place—one of the reasons I tended to wear liquid liner.

"Be right out," I said for Rosalie's benefit, knowing she could hear me with that supersonic hearing of hers. That was another aspect of being a vampire that the voyeuristic part of me was looking forward to. _Smirk._

As I was combing my fingers through my hair, the door to the bathroom opened. I wondered if it would be another gaggle of women jonesing for Edward. My thoughts were silenced when I heard the deadbolt on the door slam home.

"Are you here to make good on your threat to take me up against the wall?" I asked huskily as I continued to watch my eyes dilate in the mirror.

Hands gripped my hips, pulling me back slightly.

"No, actually I was thinking of fucking you from behind while you watch me slam into you."

With a gasp, my eyes shot up to meet the crimson ones that stared back in the mirror with amusement.

_James._

"Get your fucking hands off me!" I spat, twisting my body in an attempt to get away from him.

He simply yanked me back against his hardness and then pressed a hand in the middle of my back to push me down on the vanity. "I rather like _this_ position."

Taking a deep breath, I prepared to blast his sorry ass into the wall.

"Uh, uh, uh! I wouldn't do that if I was you. Aren't you wondering where _Rosalie_ is? Or why your precious _boyscout_ isn't in here to rescue you?" James leaned down next to my ear, his cold breath making my skin crawl. "They're indisposed, Izzy. I didn't come alone, and my _associates_ have their orders."

"No! You vile, disgusting fuck!" I started squirming, kicking my feet ineffectually.

"Is that any way to talk to your man?" He thrust against my ass, and I could feel how hard he was.

"You're not my man. _Never_, you pig!"

"Never say never, princess. It could mean the end of Edward." His voice was casual; his words were _not_. They hit me in the chest like a boulder, knocking the wind out of me.

My veins were filled with ice, the breath in my lungs trickling out until I couldn't breathe.

_Oh, God._ Surely in a club this size, with so many people, he couldn't pull anything off. Then again, here I was, pinned against the counter with only my thong and his jeans stopping him from being buried inside me. Gritting my teeth, I held back a whimper. There was no fucking way I intended to let James know how much he was getting to me.

_~Flex~_

Shit! My power was ramping up, but I wasn't sure what he would do if I used it on him.

"Do you have him?" James asked. I wasn't sure who he was talking to, and I glanced up to see a faraway look in his eyes as he cocked his head. "Good. If she doesn't cooperate with me, if I give the signal, kill him. Make sure you burn the pieces."

"No!" It came out like a puff of air, my chest constricted so tightly my lungs refused to fill up.

"Yes. You're mine, you little bitch! You seem to have forgotten that fact, but I'm going to remind you. I want you to watch in the mirror while I impale you on my cock. Don't look away, not even once." James gestured between us with his index finger. "Your eyes, on me. And make like you enjoy it, although I'm sure you will, you filthy little whore."

"Please... don't."

"Oh, so _now_ you're going to beg me? Too late. Too bad, so sad. The question is: will you save Edward or condemn him to death?"

"What do you want?"

"What I've always wanted. You."

"And then what?"

"Whatever I want. If I want a sip, I take it. If I want to fuck, I _fuck_ you."

"And Edward?"

"I'd like to tell you a pretty story about how I'll let him go... but we both know that would be bullshit, right?" He ran a cold, slimy hand up the back of my bare thigh until he could squeeze my ass; his other arm wrapped around my middle to hold me in place.

"If you kill him, I kill you, asshole."

"Ah... so you _can_ kill me. Good to know. Well, let's make a deal then, shall we?"

"What deal?"

"You stay with me, and my associates won't kill your precious Edward. Your life for his."

"Deal!" I answered without a second thought.

I'd always known this day might come, when I'd have to choose Edward's survival over my own. A sense of calm washed over me—really, James had no choice but to let Edward go if he wanted to keep me. If he killed Edward, I would kill him. Rock and a hard place for both of us.

"Smart move, princess. Now spread 'em." His cold hand slid between my thighs, and he shoved it all the way up until he could push my thong aside, jamming his fingers inside me.

Bile rose up inside my throat, and I steeled myself. I tried to tell myself it wouldn't matter what James did to my body, every good part of me—my very soul—belonged to Edward.

I opened my mind, hoping wherever Edward was, that he could hear me right now.

_~Flex~_

_I love you forever, Edward, with every fiber of my being. No matter what happens now, please hold that close to you. I made an agreement to share my body, but my heart and soul will only ever belong to you._

Tears began to fall then. There was really no reason to keep up the ruse of toughness, was there?

"Aw, there, there. Don't cry, princess. I'll be sure to take care of all your needs."

I heard the sound of his zipper go down, and I cringed. That sound was music to my ears when I was with Edward, but now... now I would only equate it with pain, violation.

"Don't..." I whispered.

"Oh, were you hoping for candles and flowers? Sorry, no can do. I'm not really the romantic type... I'm more of a wherever-the-fuck-I-want-it type." He chuckled lewdly.

His hands gripped my hips, pulling me back.

I felt his cock sliding against my ass.

I closed my eyes tightly, prepared for the first of many violations.

"No, no... eyes open."

"Damn it. You have what you want! Just get it over with."

"What I want is for you to watch me in the mirror as I take you," James growled, his hands tightening painfully on my hips.

How was I supposed to do this? How could I look this fucking psycho in the eyes?

_Bitch, let me do it. That's why I exist, isn't it? _My inner banshee piped up. _I'll look the fuck right in the eyes without flinching. We have to fool the asshole if we ever want to escape him._

"Thank you," I whispered, allowing her to take over and raise my eyes.

James smirked at me in the mirror.

"Well, go on then, you bastard. Do it!" I spat.

"Feisty! Just the way I like you." He leaned down and licked up the side of my neck.

Slowly, he slid his cock up and down, teasing against my entrance.

_BANG!_

The bathroom door flew off its hinges. About the same time, the fire alarm went off, and I could hear faint screams as the music halted and people rushed for the exits.

"Get your fucking hands off her, ass-wipe!"

Emmett stood in the open doorway, nostrils flaring and fists opening and closing at his side.

My heart slammed in my chest.

"But I was just about to get lucky... sod off."

"I'll break you in half!" Emmett seethed, taking a step forward.

"Emmett, no!" I choked out.

"See? The lady's with me," James said smoothly, wrenching me up to a standing position with my back against his chest.

"Don't fucking think so! Izzy, blast his ass!"

"I can't, Em. He's got Edward."

"No, he don't." Emmett shook his dark head. "Let's do this!" He slammed a fist into one hand.

"We made a deal... my life for Edward's."

"That would be fucking great if he actually _had_ Edward. Trust me, he doesn't have shit."

"Then where the fuck is Edward?"

"Chasing after you with Alice—at least who they _thought_ was you. This fuck has nothing but a bluff."

I could feel the change in the air, feel the truth in the slight shudder that ran through James' muscles—the body doesn't lie.

"You son of a bitch!" I screeched.

_~FLEX~_

Before I realized what was happening, my power concentrated on James' groin, lashing out.

"Ooph!" James let go of me reflexively as he stumbled back into the wall, cracking the tiles.

At the same moment, Emmett stepped forward, picking me up under his arm like a doll.

James recovered quickly, coming at us, but Emmett turned his body to the side and kicked James square in the chest. I heard a sickening crunch as his sternum caved in, and the wall disintegrated behind James, catapulting him into the storage room next door.

Emmett spun on his heel, rushing into the dim hallway.

"What the fuck are you doing? _Kill him!_" I cried out, struggling against Emmett's hold.

"No can do, Izzy. My job is to get you out of here safely."

"Put me down!"

Emmett ignored me, heading down the hallway away from the main room of the club. He pushed his way out a metal door that squealed loudly on its hinges, and then we were out in a dark alley. Cold air hit my heated skin and stung my eyes.

"Fuck, Izzy! Stop squirming! Jasper!"

Suddenly, I felt sleepy and warm.

"No, don't. Please... where's Edward? You can't let James live... please."

"Shh, darlin', we're going to take care of you," Jasper soothed.

"No! I want Edward..."

"And Edward wants you home in one piece. We have our orders," Emmett said matter-of-factly.

"Kick your ass..." I whispered faintly as I felt myself going under.

"You can kick my ass tomorrow, Iz. Edward will fucking _burn_ me if I don't get you home safe, though." Emmett let out a booming laugh.

_How can he laugh right now? What's wrong with them? Don't they understand..._

Darkness overtook me.

**~*IWIPB*~**

When I next opened my eyes, there was a downy softness caressing my skin. I breathed deeply, the scent of our bed washing over me.

"Edward?"

The bed dipped down, and I flung the covers off my head. It wasn't Edward's comforting weight that pressed the mattress down.

"He's not home yet," Jasper said softly.

"What the fuck are you doing here then? Find him!" I screamed.

"We have our orders, Izzy."

"The two of you keep saying that to me. What orders?"

"Edward wants Emmett and me to remain by your side... no matter what."

"Rosalie?"

"Rose is here but not talking yet. She's really pissed off, mostly at herself."

"What the hell is going on, Jasper?"

He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "I don't know. We lost contact with Edward and Alice after leaving the club. Neither of them are answering their cell phones."

"Go find them!"

"No. We can't leave you alone. It would leave you vulnerable."

"So?"

"Edward and Alice made us promise if we found you we'd bring you straight home and keep you safe." Jasper's golden eyes met mine frankly, and I could see I'd get nowhere with him. I could also see concern for Alice flickering near the surface.

"Now you can go ahead and try to blow me off this bed, but there's a good chance you could make this much worse if you do. We can't have you running around like a loose cannon."

His words hit home, and I knew I had to abide by Edward's wishes as much as it rankled.

Flopping back on the bed, I stared up at the ceiling. As my heart slowed and my breathing returned to normal, images started floating through my mind.

_James gripping my hips._

_James teasing his cock at my entrance._

_Licking up the side of my neck._

_His hands all over me._

"I need a bath!" I cried out in disgust.

All I could think of was Edward smelling James all over me. I sprang up from the bed and lurched into the bathroom, where I proceeded to throw up until my body convulsed with dry heaves. Jasper held my hair back, rubbing my back soothingly.

Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I turned to glare at him.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I shrieked. "How can you be here holding my hair back and comforting me when you don't even know if Alice is still alive?"

"But I do know, sugar."

"What? Have you heard something?"

"No. If something happened to my Alice, I would know. We have a strong bond, and if it was broken, I would sense it."

"Is that how it works with vampires?"

"That's how it works with vampires, darlin'. Now try to calm yourself." Jasper got up to leave, but I grabbed his hand.

"No. Please stay with me."

"Nuh-uh. Edward would kill me."

"Turn your back then, emo boy." I shot him a look.

When the tub was filled nearly to the rim with scalding hot water, I sank down into it, reveling in the heat searing my skin. I didn't give a shit if I came out of there as red as a tomato—it simply meant that stupid fuck's scent would be washed away.

"You can turn around now." I smirked to myself at Jasper's southern gentleman routine.

Jasper sat in the corner with his wrists resting on his knees. Our eyes kept meeting, although neither of us spoke for the longest time. As the water cooled, I let some out, replacing it with more scalding water.

"How long has it been?" I asked, ducking my head down.

"Six hours."

"_Six?_ Where are they?"

"I don't know, sugar. Just have faith. I do."

"Do you really?"

"I do. And so should you. Edward would do anything for you, to be with you. You're his entire life, Izzy. Don't you know that by now?"

"Yeah, I know it," I answered, looking down into the bath. Tears dripped onto the surface of the water, creating ever widening ripples.

_One moment in time could set something far reaching in motion. One night with James up against a wall was all it took._

_The butterfly effect._

**~*IWIPB*~**

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**A/N: Go on now, let me have it! Obviously, I can't give away future plot. Trust me? You all know by now that I love drama and angst, but I'm always trying to reach a better place. Leave me your thoughts, and I'll send you a special teaser for the next chapter.**

**I'm writing a new one-shot for a special lady, Mal. Mostlyalurker is one of our own who is in need of a service dog. In addition to contributing to the story compilation, along with a slew of other authors, I have my beta services up for auction. The link is on my profile, so come take a look! You can get a copy of the compilation and bid on a banner and/or beta.**

**I'm also working on an entry for the Season of Our Discontent anonymous angst contest because I need to twist your heart a little tighter.**

**Follow me on Twitter! (at) SaritaDreaming (for fanfiction info) and (at) SarahAisling (for original fiction info)**


	16. Chapter 16 Resting in My Arms

**A/N: Hello everyone! Hope those of you that celebrate it had an awesome Thanksgiving.**

**Just want to reassure everyone that although I am in the process of publishing my first novel (details on my profile) all of my fanfics will be completed. I fully intend to continue to write fanfic, and _none of my stories will ever be pulled down_. I know it's the 'trendy' thing in the fandom right now, but it's not my style.**

**Thanks to Sandy for the pre-read and for giving me some musical inspiration at the eleventh hour! Sensual Edward licks to my awesome beta, Wendy (wmr1601), for being vampire fast and awesome.**

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**Chapter 16**

**~Resting in my Arms~**

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**Song List:**

**Blood is Pumping ~ Voodoo and Serrano**

**Without You ~ David Guetta**

**Angry Chair ~ Alice in Chains**

**Help, I'm Alive ~ Metric**

**I Remember ~Deadmau5**

**Tonight and the Rest Of My Life ~ Nina Gordon**

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**~*Edward*~**

When Izzy mentioned going to a club, I wasn't too sure about it, but watching her dance, feeling her body rubbing up against mine, and I knew it would be a great way to blow off some steam. Izzy opening her mind to me, in addition to all the groping and eye-candy, left me barely able to wait to take her home. My mind drifted... the image of her naked skin sliding on the sheets beneath me... and I was sure we'd never make it out of this club without me finding a shadowy corner.

Jasper's eyes met mine, and a slow smile spread across his face. _You want to bone her right here, don't you?_

I nodded imperceptibly over Izzy's head. It seemed I was turning into quite the nympho—making up for lost time.

My hands roamed the curves of her hot little body; such a tactile sensation for a vampire. I suspected it was more intense for me because she was human, but we had no data to corroborate that. I just knew that she affected every cell throughout my being, and I would do anything for her.

When she went off to the restroom with Rosalie, I wasn't worried. I should have been.

A few minutes later, as I leaned against a column waiting for Izzy to reemerge from the hallway, I heard the minds of two vampires.

_James said to take the girl and get her away from here quickly._

_Her name is Izzy. There she is!_

Through the eyes of the vampire, I saw silky black hair for a split second before a gag was stuffed in her mouth, and a hooded cloak thrown over her head. They were near a back exit that let out into a dark alley, and then they were out the door and running.

"Alice, Jasper, Emmett! He's got Izzy!" My voice was swallowed by the crowd, but I knew they were close enough to hear me.

My siblings rushed to my side, and I thought quickly, still tracking the thoughts of the vampires on the run with my mate.

"Jasper, Emmett, you guys stay here and see if you can find out anything about James. Alice, come with me. Once we're clear of the wolves, you should be able to see her."

My brothers wished me luck. Jasper started scouting around the perimeter of the club, and Emmett went in search of Rosalie. Alice and I took off into the alley, barely cognizant of our speed.

At first I was focused on pursuit, being extremely careful not to tip the vampires off that we were following them. The one carrying Izzy was reviewing his instructions to snap her neck if necessary. Anger burned through me, but I wasn't about to endanger her by doing anything rash. Alice and I continued to race behind them silently.

My intense fear and worry clouded my senses, or I would have noticed a lot sooner that the heartbeat of the girl in his arms did _not_ belong to Izzy. The cadence of Izzy's heart was something I knew intimately—from its most docile rhythm, to fear, to physical exertion, to the throes of passion as it beat beneath me.

Slowing, I whispered, "Alice... it's not Izzy."

_I still can't see her._

"Because she's still back at the club where the wolves are. That's not her—we've been duped." A low growl built in my throat, but I was careful not to tip off the vampires; they had an innocent in their clutches as a decoy, and I couldn't just let them kill her. "We have to try and save that girl. They think they do have Izzy. One of them is thinking about meeting up with James to make an exchange. This is our chance to get that bastard once and for all."

Pulling out my cell phone, I called Emmett.

"Edward, s'up?"

"Em, this was a wild goose chase. They don't have Izzy; she's still in the club. _Find_ her and bring her home. You and Jasper stay with her, and don't let her out of your sight."

"Okay, bro."

"Did you find Rose?"

"Yeah, man. She's pissed as hell that she was fooled, too."

_Edward, hang up. They're going to hear us in three seconds if you don't. _Alice's thoughts broke in harshly.

Quickly, we turned our phones off and went into stealth mode. We were too close to civilization to make a stand, and I suspect that was purposeful. James told them where to go, and I was banking on the fact that he wanted a shot at me. The other alternative was that James simply wanted me out of the way so he could easily get to Izzy. Either way, I was too far from the club to make a difference; I just had to trust my brothers to handle the situation and bring Izzy home safely.

_Edward, they have Izzy. Emmett and Jazz are dragging her up the alley kicking and screaming. _Alice's amusing vision ran through my mind.

_That's my girl._

Now that we knew Izzy was safe, we could concentrate on rescuing the innocent and maybe bagging James in the bargain.

Unfortunately, they kept to the fringes of society for hours, always moving, and we had no opportunities to stop them without the girl getting killed. They kept her unconscious, carrying her over a shoulder like a sack of potatoes. A few times, curious passersby asked about her, and one of the vampires would laughingly advise she couldn't hold her liquor. It was probably for the best, because if anyone pushed them on the issue, it would likely lead to an ugly confrontation.

_Edward, I have a plan. In ten minutes, they'll pass along the edge of some secluded woods. I'll run ahead and distract them, you snatch the girl, and we'll take them out._

I nodded, and Alice took off at full speed, circling back to meet the vampires.

As they reached the woods, Alice stepped out from between the trees. "Hey, boys!"

They were startled—_good_—and unsure of themselves. Glancing at each other, they decided to try to keep going, but Alice wasn't having any of that. She skipped over to them playfully, pointing to the body draped over the taller one's shoulder.

"What'cha got there? Are you up for sharing, boys?" Alice licked her lips. "We could have a little fun together then share her..." She arched a brow, placing a hand on her hip.

"That's tempting—very, very tempting—but we have to be somewhere."

"Aw, come on." Alice pouted then turned her gaze on the other one. "_Your_ arms are empty, big boy. Why don't you step into the woods with me for a minute?" Her eyes were on the growing bulge between his legs, and she licked her lips again.

"Well..." He glanced at his buddy. "We can't share the girl, but maybe we can spare a few minutes."

The vampire holding the body rolled his eyes. "You have no control, do you? Such a horndog. Oh, just go! But hurry up. We have things to do and places to be."

Alice crooked a finger, and the vampire strolled over and squeezed her boob. Alice slapped his hand away and took it in her own, leading him into the trees. "Is that any way to treat a lady? We need a little bit of privacy."

_Hurry up, Edward, before I get groped any more! Ugh!_

The girl was beginning to stir, which provided cover for my near-silent approach. Tapping him on the opposite shoulder, I whipped around the other side of him as he turned, grabbing the girl. Catapulting myself twenty yards away, I placed her on the ground and rushed back to him.

"Wha..."

Without giving him a chance to finish his thought, I knocked him to the ground, pinning his arms with my knees, and grabbed his head firmly between my hands. "One word, and I'll twist your fucking head off."

Alice shot out of the trees with the other vampire in hot pursuit. When he saw his partner's predicament, he tried to make a run for the girl.

"Do what you have to, Alice. We only need one."

Alice landed on his back with ten feet to spare, twisting his head off and throwing it deep into the woods. His body fell to the ground twitching, and she dragged it behind some bushes.

Unfortunately, the girl observed all this, crossed herself, and passed out. Probably for the best. Hopefully when she awoke, we would be gone, and she would think it was just a bad dream.

"Has she been drinking, Alice?"

"Yeah, she's got quite a bit of alcohol in her bloodstream, but I think she'll be okay."

The vampire beneath me snarled, gnashing his teeth, and I wrenched his head, the cracking sound echoing on the dark, empty street.

"Why did you take the girl?"

"Fuck you." He spat a wad of venom, which landed on my shirt.

"Tell me what your job was. I know you're working for James."

_Asshole. I'm not telling him shit. Fuck! And we almost made it. James is gonna be pissed that we lost that Izzy chick. _His mind drifted over his instructions—they were supposed to meet James about ten miles from here. He calculated his chances of throwing me off, and his intention was to kill me. _James said if a messy haired vampire with gold eyes caught up to me, I should destroy him. Maybe I can turn this around after all._

I found it interesting that he was unaware he had the wrong girl; he really believed he had Izzy. Now I was sure this whole plan was by design to get me out of the way. Somehow James knew I could read minds or that Alice could see the future—or both.

"I don't think so," I growled. And then I gave his head a sharp twist, severing it from his body.

I tossed the head to Alice. Venom leaked from the open neck of the body beneath me, trickling out onto the street, its appearance easily mistaken for mercury. We carried the decapitated vampires deep into the woods and started a fire, purple smoke curling slowly into the air. If there were any other vampires in the vicinity, they would recognize the smoke for what it was, so we hurried back to the girl before company arrived. The only evidence left on the dark, quiet street was the small puddle of silvery liquid.

Our luck held, and the girl was still unconscious when we dropped her off at an Emergency Room, telling the charge nurse that we found her out on the street unresponsive and reeking of alcohol. She tried to ask some questions, but we simply shrugged, reiterating our story about finding her and just wanting to get her some help.

Once we were clear of the area, anger raged through me. "I want his head on a stick!" I spat. "Let's go to their rendezvous spot and see if we can catch the bastard."

Alice simply shook her head. "They've seen the smoke, Edward. They know something is wrong, and they've already abandoned the spot. If we go there, we'll find nothing; it'll just be longer that we're away from home and fully protecting Izzy."

"Shit. Can you see her?" Now that I knew the time for pursuit was over, my heart filled with longing, wanting nothing more than to hold Izzy in my arms and make sure she was okay.

"She's sleeping in your bed. Jasper's watching over her."

"Good. No reason to call and disturb her then. I just want to get back to her."

We ran like the wind. The temptation was great to pull ahead, but there was no way I'd leave Alice out on her own with James and his henchmen about. My teeth clenched, my jaw tight, as I forced my pace to match Alice's.

As we neared Forks, more anxiety washed through me instead of less. I couldn't get to Izzy fast enough.

"Go, Edward." Alice waved me off.

"No way. We're too close now to make a slip up."

"She's awake now and taking a bath. Jasper's with her. Her head is down, so I can't see her face."

Probing Alice's sliver of a vision, I could tell no more than she'd already said, but at least we knew Izzy was in one piece and that she was safe.

When we arrived at the house, I leaped through my bedroom window and shot across the room, barreling into the bathroom, knocking the door off its hinges in the process.

"Izzy?" I skidded into the tub, a hairline crack forming along its side.

"Jesus, Edward!" Jasper's voice came from behind me, and I glanced back. He was covered in sawdust from the broken door, fragments of it resting across his knees. I would have laughed if I wasn't so worried about Izzy.

Her head, still bent down, came up quickly. "Edward?" There were tears streaming down her face, and her makeup had run, leaving thin black tracks on her cheeks and thick, sooty smudges under her eyes.

Her arms reached up and out, reminiscent of a child that wants to be picked up and cradled. I grabbed her up in my embrace, water sloshing out of the tub onto the floor and all over my pants. Hugging her tightly to my body, I was soon nearly as wet as she was, but I hardly noticed.

When I turned around to snatch some towels, Jasper had already slipped from the room. Ignoring the mess of water mixing with sawdust, I headed straight for our bed, throwing a towel down and placing her on it. I tossed another one over her nakedness, but she brushed it aside, clutching at my shirt and pulling me down on top of her.

Warm arms snaked around my neck, her legs anchoring around my waist, and she just clung there, shaking. More warm, salty tears slid down her face—I could smell them, and the hormones her body produced that leached into them. Just as I could smell the complex chemical cocktail of her blood, I could tell so much from her tears, too. Based on the predominance of adrenaline and oxytocin leaching into her system, I suspected she was going to crash fairly soon. Her body was warring between feelings of intense fear eclipsed by the satisfaction of my sudden reappearance.

"E-Edward..." My name was expelled against my neck in a warm puff of air. "Oh, God, oh, God."

My arms tightened around her warmth. "I'm here, my love."

Izzy's entire body trembled, quaking around me. "I was so scared. So scared," she muttered almost incoherently. Then other words started tumbling out of her mouth. "He was going to... he promised... had to... keep you safe."

Before I could ask her what she meant, images started tumbling into my mind like fragments of a horrific puzzle.

"_Your life for his."_

_James' crimson eyes staring back at her from a mirror, a predatory smirk on his vile face._

_James pushing on her back, shoving her down against a counter._

_Izzy's eyes dilating in the mirror as she asked, "Are you here to make good on your threat to take me up against the wall?"_

_Izzy squirming to get away when she realizes it's James with her in the bathroom._

_James giving orders to kill me if she didn't cooperate._

"_Your life for his."_

"_Deal!" Not a moment of hesitation on her part._

"_Your life for his."_

_His cold fingers running up her thigh._

"_Your life for his." _

_His fingers jamming inside her._

"_Your life for his."_

_"Whatever I want. If I want a sip, I take it. If I want to fuck, I _fuck_ you."_

"_Deal."_

"_Your life for his."_

Her final thought breaks me completely.

_I love you forever, Edward, with every fiber of my being. No matter what happens now, please hold that close to you. I made an agreement to share my body, but my heart and soul will only ever belong to you._

"No!" I roared, unable to hold it back. Pulling away, my hands roamed all over her body, checking for damage—checking to make sure she was really there under me. "Please, Izzy... he didn't. _Say he didn't_." A low moan escaped as I cradled her face in my palm.

Izzy blinked up at me for a moment, startled, but what I was asking slowly dawned over her. "No, no, no, boyscout. It was really... close... but he never got the chance." A few more tears slid down her cheeks, and she skimmed her fingers over my face. "I held back my power because he s-said he had you. He was going to g-give the order to kill you. Then Emmett busted in and told me it was bullshit. That's when I slammed James' sorry ass through the wall." Her dark eyes went flat, the tears over as anger heated her gaze.

A string of expletives that rivaled anything I'd ever heard from Izzy—and that was saying a lot—commenced. She said every filthy word I knew and some that I didn't. She was so creative with her language, my face would have burned with color if it was possible.

Emmett guffawed from somewhere downstairs. "Our girl's back and better than ever!"

"And you!" Izzy leveled me with a hard look. "Don't you _ever_ fucking scare me like that again!" She pushed with her legs, and I allowed her to flip us over so she was atop me, her posture reminding me of a fierce kitten with its first catch.

"Yes, love."

"Don't you 'yes' me, boyscout!" Izzy jabbed a finger at my chest. "I love you. I thought James was going to kill you." All the fight went out of her then, and her body collapsed on top of mine.

I allowed my hands to glide over her skin gently, taking stock of her. When she shivered, I pulled the comforter over us. The bedding was hopelessly soaked through, but there would be time for that later.

Hugging Izzy to my chest, I cooed to her while my hands continued to stroke her soft skin. "I love you, Izzy. I'm here, and I'll never leave you. Everything's going to be okay. I promise."

"Love you, boyscout," she mumbled, her words slurred.

And then she was fast asleep, naked, on top of me in my soaking wet clothes. I knew neither of us would have it any other way.

Once she was deeply asleep, I placed her on my couch while I swapped out the wet bedding. I pulled one of my t-shirts over her head, and she murmured sleepily but didn't wake up. It would have been fairly simple to find something of Izzy's to dress her in, but the possessive part of me wanted her wrapped in my scent.

A few hours later, Izzy started to dream, and I was sucked into it with her.

_James stood by the edge of the water on First Beach, facing off with Izzy. "You made a pledge to me, princess. You're not holding up your end of the bargain."_

"_You lied, asshole. Why would I give any part of me to you when you never really had Edward to begin with?"_

_James threw back his head and laughed. "Because, princess, things change. Boys!"_

_Two vampires appeared from behind the jetty, dragging me between them. Izzy gasped, her hand covering her mouth. I could see the calculation in her eyes, wondering if she had a chance to free me. She was always thinking of me instead of herself._

"_No, Izzy! It's not really me!" I tried to yell out, but nobody could hear me. It reminded me of _It's a Wonderful Life_, or a similar story, where a character could observe ongoing events without being able to influence them or be heard._

_The version of me they were dragging over the sand was snarling and struggling._

_Izzy's eyes moved back and forth as she tried to figure out what to do. "If he dies, you die, James."_

"_Yes, yes, you said." James waved his hand dismissively as if her statement bored him. "You made a deal. You sold me your body, and I'm here to collect. You could have made it easy, but now he gets to watch."_

"_No! Not that." Izzy shook her head, her body going rigid._

"_Yes." James answered strolling toward her._

_When he reached out to grab her, he was blown back several yards. Izzy immediately looked horrified._

"_Kill him," James sneered. "Maybe I'll die, but you'll never have your precious boyscout. He's going to die right before your eyes, and it's all your fault."_

_The two vampires started pulling until my arms detached, and Izzy's shriek of horror..._

reverberated around our bedroom as she sat up screaming.

I reached for Izzy, telling her it was just a dream, but she didn't hear me. My hands on her arms seemed to spook her all the more, and her keening scream grew sharper. The next thing I knew, I was flung across the room, blasting straight through the wall into my closet. Now I knew how Jasper felt earlier when I'd disintegrated the bathroom door, covering him in residue. I blew chunks of sheet-rock off my lips, shaking my head and sending another cloud of dust into the air around me.

"Carlisle!" I yelled out, although I was sure he'd heard everything. He had no way of knowing why she did it, though, since she'd been dreaming just before. I lowered my voice to a pitch Izzy wouldn't be able to hear. "She thinks I'm James—it was a nightmare, and I touched her while she was still dreaming."

"Where are you? I'll tear you to shreds! I don't care if I die doing it!" Izzy cried out, tumbling off the bed with a _thump_.

The bedroom door burst open, and Carlisle grabbed Izzy, shaking her lightly. "Izzy! It's Carlisle. Snap out of it!"

_Stay where you are, Son, until she's coherent._

"James is here! I just knocked him through the wall!"

"No, Izzy! You just knocked _Edward_ through the wall. James _isn't_ here!"

"I saw him! He grabbed me. Th-they were hurting Edward," she whimpered.

"Izzy, think—would we allow James to get anywhere near you? Look around you, sweetheart."

Through Carlisle's mind, I could see Izzy blinking her eyes as she tried to clear the fog away. She stared at him as if he had three heads.

"Did you just say I knocked Edward through the wall?"

"Yes. He's perfectly fine, though. Right, Edward?" _Just answer from there, Son. Don't do anything to excite her. She still seems disoriented._

"Yes. Izzy, I'm fine."

"_Edward?_ Oh, my God. Did I really...?"

"It's okay. I understand."

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, sounding mortified.

"Carlisle, can I get out of here now?" I asked impatiently.

"Sure." There was a note of amusement in his tone.

Shaking off more powdered wall bits—they really didn't make durable walls these days, did they?—I shoved aside the pole full of clothes that had landed on my legs and stood up. I could already hear Alice planning to make me a new and improved closet with a section for Izzy, and I shook my head.

Leaning forward, I peeked out of the hole in my bedroom wall to find Izzy sitting on the bed with her head in her hands. Not a good sign. She usually faced everything head on.

"Carlisle, can you give us some time?" I asked.

Carlisle nodded, patting Izzy on the shoulder before leaving the room and closing the door.

Making my way slowly over to the edge of the bed, I crouched in front of her with one hand on either side of her hips. I knew better than to try to rush her and that my touch might not be welcome yet.

"Hey," I whispered.

"Edward..." Her voice was full of pain. "I—I'm so sorry. How could I do something like this to you?" She continued to cradle her head in her hands.

"Izzy, I'm fine."

"That's not the point, boyscout. What if it happens again? What if I hurt you?"

"You won't," I assured her, running my fingers over her arms lightly.

Finally, she lifted her head, and our eyes met. Izzy's were a swirling mixture of panicked and guilt-ridden. I couldn't recall ever seeing her so tortured before. Her hands reached out to caress my face, and she tipped her forehead forward to rest against mine.

"Oh, Edward. Why didn't they kill James?" she wailed. "This could all be over now."

My hands went around her back, stroking lightly. "You were my only concern at that moment. I insisted they get you the hell out of there. We'll get him eventually."

"Before he gets us?"

"Before he even gets close."

"I love you, boyscout," she whispered on a soft sigh.

"And I love you." Tilting my head back, I touched my lips to hers.

Izzy's fingers tightened on my face, and the warmth of her hands and lips burned my skin in the most delicious way. My pants tightened, but I realized this was not the time to be thinking about sex. Our lips met over and over in tender little kisses, ones that said, 'I'm so glad we're here together.' Grabbing her hands, I removed them from my face and scooped her into my arms, placing her in the middle of the bed. When I made to cover her in down, she shook her head, a vulnerable look in her eyes.

"No. Want you right against me."

"You'll catch a chill."

"It's colder without you." Her eyes fluttered closed, her arms opening to welcome me in. "So much colder without you."

I lay down beside her, pulling the comforter over the two of us, making our own little cocoon. Izzy wrapped her body around mine, our legs entwining, her head on my chest, my fingers tangled in her hair, and her hands roaming over my body as if to confirm to herself that I was really there.

"Are you all right? You're sure James didn't hurt you?"

"I'm fine. I—I was really worried about you. I don't care about me."

"_I_ care about you. If anything ever happened to you... I don't think I could go on." I swallowed over the huge lump suddenly filling my throat, and I didn't feel like less of a man for reacting that way—Izzy was my whole world. She had no idea just how important she was to me, what it meant to be mated. I longed to tell her, but I didn't feel she was ready to hear it yet, and it might cause more fear to blossom in her heart.

"I feel the same way. I know I fought it like hell at the beginning, but you mean everything to me, Edward. I've never trusted myself to someone the way I have with you."

"Having your trust means so much to me."

Izzy fell asleep in my arms, soft snores pouting out her cute little lips. If she ever heard me say that, she'd likely knock me across the room on purpose.

Thankfully, her sleep seemed to be dreamless, and I thoroughly enjoyed just having her in my arms.

_Edward, we need to talk._ Alice's thoughts pried open our little cocoon.

Carefully extricating myself from Izzy's hold, I met Alice in the hall outside our room.

"What's up? Any news on James?"

"No. We have another complication on the horizon." Alice's face was pinched into a sour look. It was disturbing to see Alice look this way, since she was usually exuberantly cheerful—sometimes annoyingly so.

"Another complication? What is it?"

"Not a what, a _who_—although, that point is somewhat debatable." Alice cocked a hip, placing a hand on it, her face twisting into an even more disgusted look. There was only one person I could think of that she would have this reaction to.

"No." I shook my head.

"Yes, dear brother."

"Shit." I rubbed my fingers into my eyes. "When?"

"I'm not sure. She's still contemplating when to come, and she keeps changing her mind and running different scenarios, which is driving me insane!"

"What kind of scenarios?"

"Oh, you don't really want me to answer _that_ one, do you?"

"Shit," I said again. "Izzy and I don't need this right now."

"My thoughts exactly. So... why don't you two take a much needed vacation?"

"Vacation?"

"Yes. Isle Esme is beautiful this time of year."

"It's not safe for us to be cut off from the family." I shook my head, tempting as it was.

"Emmett and Rose can come with you, and I'll keep an eye out from here. Nobody knows about the island, so as long as you make sure nobody follows you, it should be fine."

"I'll consider it. Thanks, Alice."

Just what I needed. _Tanya _was planning to pay a visit. The person that Izzy would be most curious about and jealous of. The vampire who wanted me in her bed and had pursued me more voraciously than any other. A vampire that detested taking 'no' for an answer and would think nothing of trying to drive a rift between me and Izzy.

**~*IWIPB*~**

Izzy slept until almost noon. After my talk with Alice, I'd slipped back under the covers, and Izzy automatically settled herself back on me as if we were magnets. How she knew even in her sleep that I was near, I had no idea, but it felt good, and I was more than happy to be her body pillow.

"Morning, boyscout." Izzy yawned, stretching like a cat.

"Good morning, my love. How did you sleep?"

"Great! Really great." She seemed surprised. "No more nightmares. The only dream I can remember was just a snippet of us on a white sandy beach with gentle water lapping onto the shore. It was obviously somewhere tropical. Never had a dream like that before, but it was nice."

My brow scrunched up, and I shot her a strange look.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing. Why don't you catch a shower, have some breakfast, and then we can meet Carlisle in his office. He wants to test your power with the EEG hooked up."

"Okay. You want to join me?" She ran a finger down the middle of my chest and over my stomach, landing on the suddenly growing bulge in my boxer briefs.

"Sure. We'll have to use the bathroom out in the hall, though—mine appears to have a missing door and a cracked tub." I smiled sheepishly.

"Yeah, you should probably leave the redecorating to Esme."

Izzy squealed when I smacked her in the ass, running for the hall.

As the hot water cascaded over our bodies, steaming up the bathroom, I ran my fingers over her wet, silken skin, again making sure all of her was intact. A part of me still couldn't believe that Emmett had arrived at the eleventh hour, saving Izzy from being raped by James. I growled softly at the thought of him touching her at all. I hated that he'd gotten so _close_. If he didn't have plans for her, he might have simply snapped her neck, and she might be dead right now.

"What is it?" She lifted her face, looking up at me.

"I was just thinking about James and how grateful I am that Emmett got to you in time."

"Yeah... that was some good timing. I would have gotten through it, though. You do what you have to."

"What does that mean?"

Izzy's eyes looked down and to the side. "My... um... alter ego offered to step forward and handle things."

"Handle things," I repeated flatly.

"Edward, he was going to fucking rape me! The thought of him being inside me the way you have... I couldn't stand it. H-He tried to force me to look him in the eyes and act like I was enjoying his slimy hands all over me!"

Deep tremors wracked her body, and her knees started to give out. I caught her to me and held her as she sobbed against my chest.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through this Izzy. I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you." Guilt flooded through me—I should have been there. It was my responsibility to protect her, and I'd failed. I was fooled so easily by James' decoy.

"No, Edward. I don't blame you. I know you'd do anything for me."

She dragged her hands through my wet hair, keeping her cheek pressed to my chest. The water sluiced over our bodies like a waterfall, but I barely noticed, and she didn't seem to either. We just stood there, rocking back and forth in each other's arms, trying to make sense of what happened to us.

"Well, _I_ blame me. It's my job to take care of you. I failed you."

"No. When you couldn't be there, you sent Emmett and Jasper. Edward, I know you would have been there if it was at all possible. Please stop laying blame. If there's _anyone_ at fault, it's that asshole James." She raised her head to look into my eyes then. "I'm going to kill him," she said softly.

"Izzy, no. Let us do the killing."

"I don't want to talk about him anymore; it makes me feel dirty all over again." Izzy's hands roamed over my now-warm skin, slowly making her way down until her fingers curled around my cock, which was instantly hard. Her lips traveled over my chest to the hollow beneath my Adam's apple, and she swirled her tongue over my skin. "Love me, Edward," she whispered.

"Do you think that's a good idea after...?" My hands cupped her ass, kneading her soft flesh.

Her hand tightened around me. "Who better to cleanse away every vile touch of his but you? I need you."

A large part of me felt this was wrong, that we should wait a while, but my body was not in agreement. The touch of her hands—hell, the mere thought of the touch of her hands—had me rock hard and wanting. The primal part of me agreed with her completely—all traces of that scum needed to be eradicated from _my mate_.

Growling possessively, I pulled her hard against my body. Our lips met, and I kissed her long and deep, my tongue sliding into her hot mouth and devouring hers. Even though the animal part of me was present, I had the urge to be gentle with Izzy, to worship her. My hands explored her body with feather light touches, and I slipped a finger inside her to test her readiness.

"Please," she whispered.

Lifting her gently in my arms, I pressed her back against the wall of the shower and entered her slowly. She wrapped her legs around me, her fingers digging into my shoulders as I thrust long and slow inside her heat. I kissed her lips, her cheeks, over her eyes and her temple.

"I love you so much. You're the most precious part of me."

"God, the things you say to me..." Her head lolled to the side, her breaths quickening, and I knew she was close to release.

"Just the truth." My lips landed on her exposed neck, and I suckled gently on her tender skin. There was no urge to bite her, or claim her, because she was already mine. I only wanted to show Izzy how much I loved her with my body.

"Yes, Edward... Oh, God... Faster! I'm so close."

"No need to rush this. I love being inside you, loving you."

She looked into my eyes then and, with a whimper, pressed her lips to mine, kissing me with so much passion, I saw sparks behind my eyes. I found myself walking the razor's edge of ecstasy, trying to hold back my orgasm so she could fall first. I knew it didn't matter—I could keep going for hours—but it felt important to make this all about Izzy.

I didn't have long to wait. With a soft cry, Izzy let go, gripping my shoulders tighter as she came.

Once we were out of the shower, I dried her gently with a fluffy towel. Knowing my family were all outside in an attempt to offer us some privacy, I carried her stark naked into our room, laying her down on the bed. I immediately covered her body with my own. "I want you again," I whispered against her lips, waiting for her 'yes' before pushing my tongue into her mouth.

Nudging her legs apart, I took her again slowly until she cried out to me.

Thirty minutes later, we were sitting side by side in Carlisle's office, holding hands. I still hadn't mentioned going to Isle Esme, unsure how to broach the subject without giving away that I wanted to avoid Tanya.

"Okay, Izzy, I'd like to hook you up to my EEG machine and record your brain waves when you use your power."

"What will that tell you?" Izzy asked.

"I'm not sure. Since there's no research to go on, we have to forge our own conclusions. This is the only other test I can think of that might give us some clues as to what's happening inside you."

Once the electrodes were in place, Carlisle asked Izzy some random questions peppered with ones that produced an emotional response. He then played some instrumental music that consisted mostly of chimes and bells, talking her down into a light meditative state.

"Okay, Izzy, now I want you to use your power to touch me. Try to press against the center of my chest without knocking me down."

Carlisle seemed pleased with the result and asked her to push him a little harder. Fifteen seconds later, he stumbled back a foot.

"Excellent. Now try to open your mind to Edward."

Her eyes met mine. _I love you._

I couldn't hold back a smile. "I love you, too."

Carlisle smiled, his gaze roving back and forth between the two of us. "Terrific. I think we're finished."

"So? How broken am I?" Izzy quipped.

Carlisle stared at the EEG tape, his brow creasing slightly. "Well, this is not the response I anticipated. At the beginning, the EEG recorded Beta waves, which was to be expected. When I brought you into a light meditative state, you exhibited Alpha waves—again, to be expected. The interesting part came in when I asked you to use your power. In the 'gearing up' stage, you exhibited Gamma waves, which occur when we process two different senses—such as sight and sound. This is what I imagined I would find, but what surprised me were the waves you produced when _exerting_ your power: Theta waves, which occur during flashes of intuition, moments of high creativity, and on the edge of sleep. Some people achieve Theta waves during religious experiences or extremely deep meditative states."

"Why is that so surprising?"

"It's a slow brain wave, not an active one. I would have expected Beta waves."

"So what do you think this means?" I broke in.

"I'm really not sure, Son. There aren't many studies readily available on the brain wave states of people being tested for paranormal activity."

"Paranormal activity?" Izzy looked at Carlisle quizzically.

"Yes. I suspect we might see Theta waves in psychics, remote viewers, or those with the rare talent of telekinesis. Your power seems most similar to telekinesis, except you only seem able to affect living beings, not inanimate objects."

"So going by your theory... my EEG is normal." Izzy snickered. "I've never been considered normal in any way, shape, or form."

Carlisle smiled. "Well, yes... sort of. I don't know if others with the aptitude of telekinesis have brain hemorrhaging, though. As far as that goes... my theory is that it's because you're using your power against vampires. It takes an incredible amount of force to knock down a vampire as opposed to a human. Speaking of... have you ever used your power on a human?"

"No, I haven't. Wow, this is all so fascinating." Izzy shook her head in wonder. "I've always thought things like psychics and telekinetics were total bullshit. At least until I met Edward and Alice." She looked askance at me, tightening her grip on my hand.

Carlisle threw his head back and laughed. "You're one of a kind, Izzy. I mean that only in the best way, though. You're a breath of fresh air."

"I am?" Izzy's expression was full of skepticism. "Are you blowing smoke up my ass, Daddy C?"

Carlisle laughed even harder—what was with him?

"See what I mean?"

"No, I'm afraid I don't." She shook her head.

"You make my son happy—and believe me, he's spent many a decade brooding..."

"Carlisle!" I burst out incredulously, wondering again what his deal was.

"Am I lying, Edward?" He leveled me with a querying gaze, and I couldn't deny it. "Thought so. Anyway, you make Edward happy, you're the most honest human I've ever come across, and you're fiercely loyal to those who matter to you. To be honest, the way you just speak your mind with no filters is incredibly refreshing—at least to me. I'm over three hundred years old, Izzy, and I've about seen it all."

"Thank you. I think. So... boyscout was a broody vampire before me, huh? What a surprise." Izzy rolled her eyes.

"Hey! I'm sitting right here, you know." I glared at her.

"Yes, you are, my broody little boy," Izzy said in a baby-talk voice.

"Stop it!"

Izzy stood up, hands on her hips. "Or what?"

Carlisle just looked on in amusement. _Cheeky bastard._ God, I was starting to think like Izzy, too.

"Or I'll throw you over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and..."

"Yeah, right," Izzy interrupted in a sarcastic tone.

"Oh, you've done it now." I lunged for her, but I was brought up short, unable to get my arms around her. "What the hell?"

Three sets of surprised eyes gazed back and forth. There was an invisible wall between me and Izzy—an impenetrable one. When I tried to reach for her, my hand came up against something at least as strong as another vampire, and it didn't give at all.

Carlisle walked around his desk, coming up behind Izzy, and put his hand on her shoulder. "Interesting." He then walked around Izzy to stand beside me. When he reached out, he was still able to touch her even though I couldn't. "_Very_ interesting!"

"What the hell?" Izzy muttered.

She reached out to touch me, and I was pressed back. It's not as if I didn't try to remain where I was, either; the invisible wall _moved_ me.

Carlisle's eyes were filled with interest and excitement. I expected him to rub his hands together and let out a mad scientist cackle at any moment. To be fair, it was rare that any of us found anything new to hold our interest, and Carlisle was the oldest among us—I imagined he was thrilled to find something new. _I just wish it wasn't my mate._

"Carlisle. Really?" I shot him a look.

"Chill out, Edward." He didn't appear repentant in the least.

"_Chill out?_ Did you just tell me to chill out?"

Izzy's gaze kept moving back and forth between us, and she covered her mouth, a small giggle escaping.

"Oh, and now _you're_ giggling? Am I on Candid Camera?"

"So broody, right?" Izzy said to Carlisle, who had the good graces to look away.

I growled. Maybe_ they_ were amused, but I found I didn't like being unable to touch my mate.

"Edward," Carlisle admonished.

The smile fell from Izzy's face. She stepped forward; I was pushed back. Panic set in. "What the fuck? Why can't I touch him, Carlisle?"

"I'm not sure. Have you ever done this before?" Clinical Carlisle was back.

"No. How do I turn it off?" Tears sprang to her eyes. "I have to turn it off! I have to be able to touch him!" Her voice held a hysterical edge.

"Izzy, it's okay," I soothed. "Try not to get yourself worked up."

Her tear-filled eyes met mine. "I'll try. This isn't funny anymore," she whispered.

I never thought it was funny in the first place, but I kept that fact to myself.

Carlisle sat behind his desk, thinking. "Obviously, we're in new territory here, but it would seem to me that you will need to practice this new facet of your power and learn to control it just as you did with the other. Are you feeling all right physically?"

"Y-yes, I think so."

"Okay, try to relax, and think of your desire to touch Edward. Welcome him in."

Izzy closed her eyes, and after twenty-six seconds, I felt the invisible wall soften and then disappear.

"You did it, Izzy." Flying across the room, I grabbed her up in my arms and swung her around, eliciting a delighted squeal from her. "Please never do that again."

"I'll try not to," she whispered into my neck. "I'm sorry I laughed about it. It really wasn't funny."

"It's okay. I love you."

"Love you, too."

"Carlisle, are you done with us? I have something I want to discuss with Izzy."

"Yes, all done. Izzy, just remember to try and stay calm if this happens again. I'm sure in time you'll learn to control this part of your power, too."

Pulling Izzy by the hand, I led her to the back door, grabbing her a jacket on the way. The sun was just setting over the river out back, and the sky was shot with pinks and oranges. A deeper coldness was already descending over the trees and grass, the damp, pungent scent of vegetation hanging in the still air.

We walked silently through the wooded paths, side by side, fingers linked. There was a peacefulness between us that I was loath to disturb. Darkness was falling quickly now that the sun sank down below the tree line.

"So... why did you bring me out here?" Izzy finally asked.

"For a walk," I answered evasively, suddenly nervous. Maybe because I was about to snow her, and I felt guilty about it.

She slowed her pace, turning to look at me in the waning light. "You said you wanted to discuss something with me. Is... everything okay?"

Shoot. Now I'd made her unnecessarily nervous because I wasn't good at deception. I knew it was wrong to deceive her at all but felt our relationship wasn't ready to face the likes of Tanya and her endless toying yet. Tanya would definitely try to insinuate herself into my life and would think nothing of upsetting Izzy. She was the most selfish person I'd ever met, determined to get her way at all costs. A part of me was fairly certain that it was more the rejection that made her come after me than true feelings. After all, we weren't mated, but Izzy and I were, and I intended to protect that.

I halted, turning and walking her back against a tree. Pressing in close, I ran my nose along her jaw, breathing deep of her delectable scent. Her heart rate elevated slightly, and I ghosted my fingers along her collar bone. Izzy's eyes fluttered closed, her arms snaking around my waist. Tilting my head, I captured her lips with mine, kissing her hard. Licking across her bottom lip, I swept my tongue into her inviting mouth, my hand sliding along the graceful curve of her neck. I was acutely aware of just how fragile she was, how easy it would be to snap her neck, and a shudder worked its way through me. After kissing her thoroughly, we were both panting into each other's mouths. Pulling back, I looked down at her with adoration.

"Damn. You just kissed the shit out of me."

Izzy laughed breathlessly, her hands roaming down my back to rest on my ass. She tucked her fingers into the pockets of my jeans, and a feeling of warmth and normalcy flowed through me for a split second; then I remembered who we were, where we were, and what was going on. Burying my nose in her fragrant neck was my way of avoiding looking into her keen gaze while I lied to her. I hated myself for it before the words even passed my lips, a kernel of guilt finding a home within my hollow chest. I was about to commit a blasphemous act by lying to my mate and swore I could feel flames from the fiery depths of hell licking at my feet, dying to consume me as I sank deeper.

"Izzy, I want to take you away from here for a while," I whispered.

"You mean for the day, or..."

"No. I was thinking more along the lines of a few weeks."

"But what about school?"

"When you were in the hospital, Carlisle yanked us all out of school. He told them he was going to home-school us. It was the only way for my family to be around to protect you."

"Oh." She sounded forlorn.

"Do you actually_ like_ school?"

"Fuck no! But I'm smart. I want to graduate."

"And you will. Since Carlisle signed up for home-schooling, you'll be able to take the tests and earn your diploma."

"Awesome. So... what's this about taking me away?"

"Remember that dream you had about being on a sandy beach in a tropical place?"

"Uh-huh..."

"Well, pack your bikini. I guess you had a precognitive dream, because we're headed to Isle Esme."

"_Isle Esme?_ Is that a real place?" she asked dubiously.

"Carlisle bought Esme an island as a wedding present."

"Shi-it. Daddy C doesn't fuck around, does he? Wow. An _island_."

"Yes. It's a private island, and it's very tropical. We'll have the place all to ourselves."

"What about James, though?"

"Emmett and Rose will come with us. The only way to get to the island is by boat. We'll make sure we aren't followed, and since it's an uncharted island, there's no public record of it."

"Just you and me on the island, nobody else?"

"Just us. Well, almost—Emmett and Rose will be monitoring from nearby." My mouth found its way back to hers, and our lips met over and over in soft kisses.

"When do we leave?"

**~*IWIPB*~**

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**A/N: So... we're going to Isle Esme! *Sarita slathers on suntan lotion* _Tanya?_ Oh, no. Edward hiding things from Izzy...? Talk to me, peeps! Yes, I did some brain wave research; no I'm not an expert.**

**I have an entry in the Season of Our Discontent anonymous angst contest. Link on my profile. Obviously, I can't tell you which one is mine. Voting runs from 11-25-11 through 12-10-11.**

**The first chapter of my story _Red Kryptonite _is up on my profile. This story will begin posting weekly in January until complete.  
**

**Follow me on Twitter: (at) SaritaDreaming (fanfic) (at) SarahAisling (original fic)**


	17. Outtake: Aeternitate Tua

**A/N: Hello awesome readers! I hope all of you had a blessed holiday season. My writing time has been curtailed, but I'm hoping to be back on track soon.**

**This was lovingly dedicated for the Fandom4LLS fundraiser, and the subject was dictated by you guys. You all clamored for Izzy and Boyscout's first time from Edward's POV, so here it is! It can be a bit jarring to go so far back in time to when our loving couple wasn't really 'together,' so I recommend getting yourself into a different frame of mind or rereading chapter 1 first. I had a hard time going back into the past to write this. Enjoy!**

**Thanks to Illicitwriter for the incredible banner she made me. The manip comes **_**so**_** close to the way I visualize Izzy when I write her. Thanks to my awesome prereaders, Keye and Sandy, for their squealing and drooling—I mean feedback. *Snicker* Last, but certainly not least, thanks to my awesome betas, jkane180, wmr1601, and Katmom, for wielding their Sparkly Red Pens. Mwah!**

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**An **_**'I Want It Painted Black' **_**outtake:**

**~Aeternitate Tua~**

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**~*Edward*~**

I know it's sick, but I can't help myself. When she meets Tyler or Matt in the woods, I'm always nearby... listening... seeing her through their eyes as they touch her, kiss her, thrust inside her. I've had to palm my own erection more times than I care to admit, and although I never went so far as to masturbate, I'm appalled and ashamed of my behavior just the same. I'm bewitched by Izzy, by the vulnerability I see behind her bitchy exterior. Deep inside, she's lost, and I want to fix her.

That first day we met in Biology, the moment I looked into her eyes, I knew something was different. When she sat beside me and whispered, '_I know what you are.'_ I felt an unfamiliar twitch in my pants, experiencing my first hard-on since I was turned. It didn't occur to me until later on, when I discussed the experience with Alice, that Izzy Black is my mate. Leave it to me to mate with a human girl that has a trashy mouth and screws everything that walks.

That leads me to last night. While outside her house, I heard her talking to someone named James. She was obviously upset, and I'm pretty sure he was threatening her in some way. When she threw the phone against the wall, I was up and into her room in a second flat and could smell the fear and adrenaline she was throwing off; it was like a cocoon wrapped tightly around her, spiraling outward like a tempest. When I snatched the drugs out of her hand, she cursed me and fought me like a tigress. A smile tugs at my lips as I think about her screaming and cursing when I opened my arms to her, and yet, she still crawled into them and let me hold her. On some level, she knows, too. Izzy begged me not to kiss her, but I could see past the fear in her eyes: she wanted my lips on hers.

She's accustomed to being in control; she uses sex as a means of power. In my many voyeuristic journeys, watching her through the eyes of whoever she was having sex with, it was obvious that pleasure was not a part of it for Izzy. Her eyes gleamed with triumph every time she had someone wrapped around her finger, every time she pushed them over the edge into oblivion, but she never let her guard down for even a moment. Last night as we sat on the floor in her room, I saw a chink in her armor. The reason she pled with me not to kiss her was because she feels something for me, and she may not understand what it means yet, but she will. _I have to believe that she will._

The kiss we shared was pure heaven—her lips so soft and pliant beneath mine, the way her heartbeat sped up, her warm, wet tongue responding despite her reservations... her body bending toward me with trust even though her mind must have been screeching out warnings. Izzy eventually pushed me away, but I could see deep in her eyes—behind that mask she wore like a badge of honor—that I got to her.

And here I stand, behind the school, knowing it's the time Izzy usually meets with her boy-toy of the day. Alice asked me why I do this, why I watch and listen, but I have no good answer for that. Izzy's mine, and I mean to have her. In the meantime, I want to learn everything about her and what makes her tick. Despite her offering herself to me last night, I refuse to be another notch on her bedpost. When we're together, it will be different, and she'll know there's something unique about us, even if she doesn't understand what it is yet.

I can hear Izzy pacing, her boots crunching over the ground as she blows smoke into the air. She's there alone, but who is she waiting for today? Matt? Tyler? Somebody new? I clench my fists as a feeling of possession overtakes me. She is _my_ mate, and I hate that she allows others—Matt, Tyler, _that__Dom_—to use her body, to touch her precious warmth. None of them appreciate her the way I do; none of them would give their life for her.

"Help me!" she cries out rather suddenly.

My attention snaps back to the woods and the surrounding area, but the only heartbeat I detect is hers. Ascertaining that nobody can see me, I'm over to her in a split second, assessing the situation. Izzy is simply standing in the center of the wooded clearing, and her eyes meet mine. She doesn't look surprised to see me.

"Izzy? What's going on?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to see if you were as much of a voyeur as I thought you were." She raises her eyebrow: a challenge.

Despite the fact that I _am_ a voyeur, my ire rises due to her carelessness. What if someone had seen me rush to her aid? If there were students around, and I thought Izzy was in danger, I would expose myself as something 'other' rather than chance something happening to my mate. There's no way I would ignore her pleas.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you the story about the boy who cried wolf?" I'm unable to hold back a growl, but Izzy is unfazed.

"Didn't anyone ever tell _you_ it's sick to listen to other people fucking?"

Jesus, did she actually _wink_ at me? She turns her back, walking away slowly, twitching her delectable ass. I can hear the sound of the fluid black material of her skirt swishing against her creamy skin, and due to the heady combination of it all, I'm suddenly hard as a rock.

Before I can stop myself, I flash over to her, grabbing her by the hips and pulling her back against me. I tilt my pelvis forward so she can feel what she does to me. A part of me is screaming that a gentleman doesn't behave this way, but all convention goes out the window when it comes to this girl.

Her breaths come in short pants as her heart speeds up, jack-hammering in her chest. The scent of arousal rises from her like waves of heat coming up off pavement in the hot sun, and I realize she's totally turned on by my actions. I've never felt the kind of sensations in my body that Izzy brings forth, my vampire nature rearing its head and urging me to claim her as mine. I lose my ability to think clearly... tempted to stake my claim, to give her what she wants.

"Is this what you want, Izzy?" I whisper against her ear. "You want it quick and dirty—no feelings, no attachments?" I graze my hand over the delicate skin of her neck, angling her head back and mashing my lips against hers. My hips thrust forward again, and she moans, grinding her ass against my cock. Plunging my tongue into her mouth and laving it against hers—which she responds to without hesitation—I run my fingers up the back of her thigh, and yank my hand back when I realize she's bare underneath her skirt.

_Sweet Jesus, this woman will be the death of me._

"You're not wearing any underwear." _Way to overstate the obvious, Cullen._

"Shut up and fuck me, Edward!" she gasps.

Her words are like a shock to my system—_what the hell am I doing?_

"No."

"No?" Izzy's shock is apparent. She thought it was all in the bag, that I would just drop my pants, lift her skirt, and take her right here. My cock stirs again, and I have to remind myself that if I give in, I will be just like the rest of her brood—I won't stand out at all. _Not going to happen._

"Not like this." I turn her to face me, pinning her with my gaze. "If we do this, we do it my way."

Her pupils are dilated, and she looks into my eyes, a mix of confusion, desire, and uncertainty passing over her face. Taking the rare opportunity when she isn't spouting out some snarky remark, I bring my lips to hers and kiss her deeply. She responds, most likely in spite of herself, because I know how she hates to be out of control. Electricity sings beneath my marble skin, bringing a heat with it that is unexpected but welcome. My hands grip her hips, pulling her in close to press open-mouthed kisses up her neck; her flesh is salty and sweet at the same time.

I can tell by Izzy's vital signs and the increased scent of her arousal how deeply I'm affecting her, and I have to give her credit for how well she conceals it. Her hands reach for my belt buckle, and with great difficulty, I push them away.

"Edward..." she whimpers.

I keep reminding myself that to give in to her whims would mean losing all advantage. It's not about the desire to control her; if I don't differentiate myself from all the other males vying for her attention, there's a good chance I'll just be another lay. That is unacceptable to me.

"My way." Again, I can't hold back a growl. I also can't stop myself from licking at her neck, the taste of her succulent skin bursting on my tongue.

"Are you going to share what your way _is_ with me?"

"Not up against a tree. You let me take the lead and do what I want or it's a no go." I bring my lips to hers again, kissing her long and slow. "I want to take you somewhere," I whisper, leaning in for another searing kiss, my hands roaming her bare ass, and I pray that I can hold out. I want nothing more than to be buried inside her hot, wet... _get a hold of yourself!_

Her breath hitches. "Where?"

"It's a place I go when I want to be alone. We'll have complete privacy there."

Izzy's eyes are hooded, and I can see the discomfort residing there, along with experiencing the tactile sensation of her body stiffening in my arms.

"When you say do whatever you want..." She hesitates, and I take the opportunity to interrupt her train of thought with another kiss. I'm fairly certain by her reaction that she feels the tingles humming under my skin in her own body in some form. Perhaps it's not completely fair to dazzle her this way, but I'm willing to exploit any advantage I can gain right now.

Pulling back, I look down into her eyes, which are dark and wild. "I'm not talking about anything kinky or painful. You have to give up control, though, Izzy—to me." Knowing she'll balk at this, I again use her arousal against her by dragging my hand up her thigh and dipping a finger inside her warm wetness, circling it slowly. _Oh, good God._ I wonder if I'm playing a game I can't win.

"Okay," she concedes.

"Okay? You won't fight me?" I'm surprised she gave in so quickly; maybe I affect her more than I realize.

Lifting Izzy into my arms, I look down on her with all the lust I can no longer conceal and kiss her hard, allowing my love for her to seep out through my touch. "Hold on, Izzy," I warn as I take off running through the woods. She keeps her eyes closed the entire time, and when I finally set her on her feet, she grabs for me, leaning against me until she regains equilibrium.

When her eyes open, I watch her carefully, wanting to see her reaction to the meadow, which is currently scattered with a carpet of colorful wildflowers. The way her eyes widen and brighten like a child's thrills me, and I observe silently as she walks around, exploring. Once Izzy stills, I step in from behind, putting my arms around her gently, asking if she's all right.

"Why wouldn't I be?" she questions, and there's a slight tremor to her voice that a human would never pick up on.

"Because you're out of your comfort zone. You're here in a strange place, and you don't know how to get back without me. There isn't a human being for miles around. Nobody would hear you scream," I whisper into her hair.

"Are you trying to scare me?"

"No. You have nothing to fear from me physically, but I think you might be uncomfortable emotionally. You have this need to control your partners."

Turning in my arms, she looks up at me in annoyance. "Let's call them what they are, Edward. _Fuck buddies_."

The term causes me to cringe inside, and once again, I know I can't allow myself to be lumped in among the rest. Izzy is my mate, and there's this compulsion to stand out, to be the king of the pride.

Pulling her hard against me, my lips graze hers. "I don't fuck, Izzy. I'll make love to you. It's the only way I play. Are you in, or should I take you back?"

I know it's a huge gamble I'm taking, but this is the only way for me. I won't be compared with other men; I have to give her something more... something she just can't resist. I have to trust I'm doing the right thing, that she'll come back to me after I let her go, because I realize although it _kills_ me every time she gives her body to someone else, she's never let anyone past her defenses and into her soul. _That's_ where I want to be more than anything.

Fear and indecision flash in her eyes. Her heart starts beating faster, and I know there's a chance she might bolt.

"Lay down with me," I say softly, taking her hand in mine. I pull her down beside me under my favorite tree and gently guide her to the soft, mossy ground. We look at each other in wonder, and I trace her delicate face with my index finger. Recognizing the need to go slow, I caress her cheek with my palm, leaning in to lick at her lips lightly. She opens her mouth to me willingly, and the sensation of having my mate beside me, being so close to claiming her, fills me to bursting. Rolling us gently, I rise up over her, wanting nothing more than to possess her. I may be a vampire with the urge to consummate the mating bond, but I won't take her against her will.

Grinding against her, I cover her lips with mine and push my tongue into her mouth. She responds ravenously, trying to take control. Pulling away, I kiss a path down the front of her neck and chest, nuzzling my lips between her breasts. Feeling the intense heat growing into a conflagration between my legs, I open her shirt and unclip her bra, thankful that I don't have to slice a nail through the scraps of red lace to accomplish it. Her rosy peaks stiffen in the cool air, and I cover one with my palm, taking the other into my mouth and rolling my tongue around it. Izzy arches her back, pressing her breasts into my face. I kiss my way down to her navel and kneel beside her, tucking my fingers into the waist of her skirt and tugging it slowly down her legs. She doesn't protest, so I hover over her again, and my pelvis jerks forward seeking friction. Her kisses are so hot and passionate, and I want to take her so badly, but there's something else I need to do first. I know she's going to protest, but this is the one hard limit of hers nobody else has pushed past.

Reluctantly leaving her hot mouth, I kiss my way down slowly, pausing to lick and kiss at each nipple. When I feel the tension melt from her body, my lips travel down over her stomach, nipping at her flesh. She's all into it until I take hold of her hips, and she realizes what I intend to do to her.

"No!" The sheer panic in her voice shatters something inside me. I don't want Izzy to be uncomfortable; I want her to know she can trust me. There's no time to earn it, though. She has to give herself over to me willingly because I won't take her by force, and I can't allow myself to settle for anything but being her number one. It's a delicate balance, and I steel myself.

"Should I take you back then?" _Please don't say yes._

"No! I don't want to go back." I gaze up at her from between her legs, and her breath hitches again.

"My way, Izzy," I demand softly.

She says nothing, and a war is being waged in her eyes as they watch me poised between her thighs... so, so close to the scent of her arousal. Venom fills my mouth, and I swallow it back. Although I know Izzy's struggling with indecision, I can tell that she wants this. If I give her too long to consider it, the answer will likely be 'no,' so I slide a finger inside her wetness, reveling in the warm softness that greets me. Pumping in and out slowly, I add another finger, and Izzy hisses, her eyes slipping closed as her head tilts back.

Taking it as the only sign of acquiescence Izzy can afford to give, I part her lips and swirl my tongue around her swollen clit. A strangled moan builds in her throat, which she fights to hold back. Her hips buck under my mouth as I work her into a frenzy. It's sexy as hell to see her head tossing back and forth, strands of her dark hair tangling across her face, neck and breasts. Flattening my tongue, I take long, steady licks as my fingers continue working inside her. I'm pretty sure Izzy has lost all coherency because she's chanting things under her breath I don't think she wants me to hear.

"_Oh, fuck yeah... Edward... What are you doing to me... breaking all my rules... Can't do this, but holy fuck, that tongue..."_

Her head thrashes harder, and she breathes in short pants, her body taut as a bowstring. Again, I suspect the action is subconscious when she reaches down, entwining her fingers in mine and holding on tightly.

When the orgasm comes it overtakes her entire body. She throws her head back, arches up, and cries out, "Edward!"

The sound of my name bursting forth from her lips at the moment of her release causes me to moan between her legs, and my cock twitches in response. A feeling of pride that it was _my_ name that she cried out in her most vulnerable moment overtakes me.

Sliding up her body, I look down into her eyes and lick my lips. "Would you like to taste yourself?" The thought of our tongues mingling the taste of her sex is a huge turn on for me. Apparently it is for Izzy, too, because she grabs my face and licks at my lips, letting out a long, low moan as our tongues tangle together.

While she's still on a high, I stand up, removing my pants. Izzy doesn't even attempt to conceal the lust in her eyes as she looks me over unabashedly, letting out a soft whimper. As I come back down over her, she tries to grab my cock, but I stop her, knowing this is the most critical moment. If she allows herself to let go, we'll be bonded to one another. Part of me knows it's wrong to take her when she's unaware that we're mates, but I tamp down the guilt in favor of my hope that she'll eventually forgive me my indiscretion.

"Ask me, Izzy, then I will," I whisper against her lips. My hips want to thrust against hers, to plunge myself into her wet heat, but I fight the urge. She _has_ to ask me; if she doesn't, then I'll stop this right here and now even if it kills me.

"Fuck me, Edward." She bites her lip, gazing up at me. _How am I going to do this with her looking at me that way... while we're both nearly naked, and I'm just inches from her entrance?_

"No."

"You just told me to ask you!" Her eyes spark with anger and frustration, but I must remain steadfast.

"I told you I don't fuck. Ask me to make love to you, and I will."

"Edward, why are you doing this to me?" Her face is pleading with me to just _do _it—just fuck her like she wants me to, and my chest constricts even as my cock twitches against the inside of her thigh.

"Ask me. I want you, Izzy." My voice is husky, and I suck her cute little earlobe into my mouth, unable to look her in the eye any longer. If she rejects me, I'm not sure how I'll survive it, but I know that I'll mow down everything in my path as I run as far and as fast as I'm able.

"Edward..." Izzy's voice is dripping with conflict. "Edward, please." Her begging nearly breaks my resolve.

"Say it," I whisper into her hair, nudging the head of my cock between her legs.

She breaks first, but it's damn close.

"Make love to me, Edward."

"Oh, Izzy..." I moan, pushing into her slowly.

The feeling of my cock encased inside my mate is beyond anything I've ever experienced. Maybe I've seen and heard the act of making love through the minds of others more times than I can count, but nothing could have prepared me for this. When I'm fully sheathed inside her, air hisses between my gritted teeth, and I pull out almost all the way before pressing forward again, going deeper. Her heat wraps around my cool hardness, and I can feel my skin warming as electrical sensations shoot through my body.

Resting my weight on my arms, I look down at her—my mate—and my body takes over, thrusting into her faster. Wanting her to know what she does to me, what this means to me, I allow my lips to travel reverently over her neck, her lips, her earlobe. I whisper softly against her ear, "You're so beautiful." And she is. So very beautiful.

Lifting my head, I see fear in her eyes. She closes them, essentially denying me access to her emotions. No, I need her to understand more fully what this means, even if it's at a subconscious level.

"Eyes open. I want to see you."

"Edward..." Her voice is a plea.

"I know this is hard for you, Izzy. Please, for me."

Her eyes flutter open, widening slightly when she sees how intensely I'm gazing down at her. And then something happens... we connect, and I don't think I'll be able to look away even if I want to. Every cell of my body is singing, throbbing, _yearning_ to be one with Izzy, and we are. With every thrust, sigh, moan... caress, the mate bond is strengthening. And—_oh, God—_maybe I should have waited, because we haven't even reached our bliss yet, and the thought of her being touched by anyone else causes a pained moan to escape me. But, still, I can't look away.

My hips roll against her over and over. Tears leak from her eyes, but she can't look away now either. There's a force at work here that's bigger than the both of us. I whisper sweet words to her, to let her know how much she means to me, in the hopes that she won't fear what's happening between us—because it's an existence-altering event, one that I'm not sure if I'm fully ready for myself.

"My beautiful girl. You're so sexy... I can't get enough of you. You're my everything."

Izzy starts to gasp, her eyes widening. Her nails dig into my arms as her fingers grip convulsively. And then her entire body tenses for a few seconds before spasms rock it as she falls over the edge and cries out to me, "Edward! Oh, God..." Tears roll freely down her face, but her gaze remains locked on mine.

I can feel her clamp down on my cock, but that's not what spurs me to lose it. It's in her eyes—the windows to her soul—as she cries my name. Izzy doesn't understand this bond we're forging, but on some level, she's being changed and altered as surely as I am, and her eyes tell me how deeply she's being affected. I'll never be the same after this, and neither will she.

My thrusts lose rhythm as I feel a tightening spread through my abdomen. My entire body is on fire, and I pray that I'm not hurting Izzy as I pound into her. One look at her beautiful face tells me I'm not. She's looking up at me with fascination, and it sends me flying, catapulting, over the edge of heaven. "Oh, I'm going to... Izzy, yes!"

There is no describing the jolt that pulses through my being as I come inside her. There are no barriers between us; it's all so raw and primal, and I can feel it inside me when our bond cements. The feeling crashes through me, originating in my heart and washing through every single cell, changing each one forever.

Rolling off Izzy, I pull her close to me, unable to speak. She clings to me, breathing heavy, and the shell-shocked look on her face tells me it was just as earth-shattering for her as it was for me. At this moment, I refuse to allow guilt to mar the experience—there'll be time for that later, when I'm alone. Holding her gently, I coo soft words in her ear, and she lets me. Reality is sure to crash in on us later; for now, this is enough.

**~*IWIPB*~**

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**A/N: So . . . how was it seeing things from Edward's perspective? And remember—Izzy still doesn't know in the current story that Edward was a virgin or what it means to be mated. That information will be slipped fairly soon. What do you think her reaction will be?**

**My new story _Red Kryptonite _begins posting on January 10th. This one will have shorter chapters (most of which are already written) and post weekly until finished, so no long waits for updates. The first chapter is already up on my profile, and beginning next week, I'll be posting every Tuesday.**

**Summary: ****Edward Masen: Bounty hunter. Isabella Swan-Hunter: Bail jumper. He's hired to bring her back for trial, but he's not prepared for what happens once he gets a taste of her. Death, lies, betrayal, toxicity, hope, desire. Who will survive? AU/Lemons **

**Follow me on Twitter: (at) SaritaDreaming or SarahAisling**

**I'm now on Facebook: www . facebook .com/SarahAislingAuthor **


	18. Chapter 17 Bloodstream

**A/N: Hey, everybody! Sorry for the delays in getting this chapter done. I appreciate your patience more than I can say. Thanks for all the PMs with encouraging words... or threats of pitchforks... love you all. Hehe.**

**Thanks to my awesome prereaders, Keye and Sandy, for their squealing and screaming encouragement. Keye picked all the songs for this chap except for Bloodstream. If you listen to no other song, listen to Bloodstream. Gah.**

**Edward licks to my awesome betas, wmr1601 and Katmom, for wieldng their sparkly reds. Mwah!**

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**Chapter 17**

**~Bloodstream~**

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**Song List:**

**Naughty Girl ~ Beyonce**

**Heartbeat ~ The Fray**

**Bloodstream ~ Stateless**

**Love Faces ~ Trey Songz**

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_**I think I might have inhaled you  
I can feel you behind my eyes  
You've gotten into my bloodstream  
I can feel you flowing in me **_

**~*l*~**_**  
**_

_**Excerpt: Bloodstream ~ Stateless**_

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**~*Izzy*~**

My things were packed, and I was ready to go. I patted the side of my suitcase, assuring myself that my stash was all there. Hell, we were going to be away on a deserted island for a few weeks, and I was pretty damn sure I couldn't buy any illicit substances there. I had some premium stuff to smoke and a few bottles of Jack rolled up in t-shirts. I smirked to myself.

"You look like the cat that swallowed the canary."

Startled, I looked up. Edward was leaning casually against the doorway with his arms crossed. His expression told me he knew I was up to no good.

"And that bird was tasty as hell," I replied, licking my fingers.

His eyes widened slightly before he started laughing—a true, honest-to-goodness laugh. _God, how I love it when he's happy._

"You're too much, Izzy." Edward shook his head, strolling into the room casually. "Are you all packed?"

"Sure am! When do we leave?"

"In a few minutes."

"What time is our flight?"

"Whenever we want." He smirked when I glanced at him curiously. "We can't take chances with the weather—you know, the sparkle—so we'll be taking the Cullen jet."

I nearly choked. "Jet? You people have your own jet? Vamp Air?"

Edward moved in closer, taking me in his arms, dipping me back, and kissing me. When he stood us back up, he patted the front pocket of my suitcase. "Weed." Then one side. "Bottle of Jack." Then the other. "Bottle of Jack."

"Shit. You're worse than a fucking police dog! Damn drug sniffing vampire." I gritted my teeth.

"No blow."

"Of course not! I don't snort that shit anymore." I glared up at him.

"You don't drink or smoke much anymore, either. Guess you think it might be hard for you to be away from Jasper."

"Jasper? I adore him, but I can live without seeing him for a while." I swallowed hard, wondering if Edward would buy my bullshit.

He didn't.

"I know, Izzy."

"Know what?"

"That Jasper's been helping you kick your drug problem."

"He promised! He said he wouldn't tell!" I seethed.

"Nobody told. Have you forgotten that I'm a mind reader? Also, I can often feel what Jasper's putting out, even if it's not directed at me."

_Fuck._ Why couldn't magical beings be as easy to fool as humans? Nothing got past Edward—not even a bottle of Jack in my suitcase. I turned my back on him and pouted, my arms hugging my body.

"Are you mad?" I asked softly.

"No." He put his hands on my shoulders. "Izzy, I know this is hard for you. I know our relationship has been hard for you. I pray every day that you won't decide to fly the coop."

There was a vulnerability in Edward's voice that made me ache inside. Did he really think I would leave him? That I wanted—or could stand—to be away from him?

Turning around, I threw myself in his arms. Going up on tiptoe, I rested my cheek against his with my lips next to his ear. "Edward, I love you. I'm not going anywhere that you aren't. Do you really think I could take being away from you?"

He hugged me back, tight enough that he might have left a faint shadow of his arms tattooed across my easy-bruising skin. Any mark left on me by Edward was one I cherished—be it the faintest of black-and-blues or a new bite mark. Every day I belonged to him more than the last, and I looked forward to the day I could say 'yes' and be his completely. Forever.

He sighed softly, his cool breath washing over my ear. "I know you love me, but sometimes—no, all the time—I feel like I want and need you way more than you want or need me. It would destroy me to be without you."

"It would destroy me to be without you, too. The only reason I've been having Jasper help me is because I want to kick the substance habit."

"I understand, and I'm proud of you."

Pulling away, I looked up into his topaz eyes. "So... should we get this vacay started, or what? I'm dying to try on my new bikinis!" My expression turned sly. "And the stuff Alice helped me pick out from La Perla."

Edward's only answer was a low growl.

Hand-in-hand, we went downstairs to say goodbye to the family—and I did consider this coven of vampires my family.

"I'll miss you, Esme. And you, Daddy C!" I turned to look at Alice and Jasper who stood by the door holding hands and nodded. "Psychic Pixie, Emo Boy. I tease a lot, but you guys are my family now."

"We see you the same way." Carlisle smiled, and Esme nodded in agreement.

"The sister I've always wanted—one who constantly needs looking out for." Alice hid a laugh behind her hand.

"And there's never a dull moment around here—physically _or_ emotionally." Jasper winked.

"What the fuck? Next we'll all be singing Kumbaya!" Rosalie snarked as she breezed down the stairs.

Emmett guffawed, trailing behind her with no less than five ruby red suitcases balanced on his broad shoulders.

"Wow. And I thought_ I_ had a lot of shit." I looked askance at my two medium sized suitcases.

"Shit, are y'all gonna miss me and Rosie at all? Izzy's getting all the loooove," Emmett drawled, dropping Rose's suitcases in a pile and offered up his best pout.

"Watch it with my stuff, you oaf!" Rose smacked Emmett on the back of the head.

"Husband abuse!"

"You did say they'd be staying on the _other_ side of the island, right?" I asked Edward with a raised eyebrow.

Everyone laughed at that one except for Rose—her smile was sarcastic, and she mumbled something under her breath.

Emmett drove us to the airport in his huge Jeep, leaving it parked in a spot labeled 'Cullen.' Was there no end to the wealth and prestige of my new family? Apparently not, because the jet was also a jaw-dropping specimen.

The only word to describe the inside of the plane was sumptuous. Super wide, buttery soft cream leather seats that put First Class sections to shame lined one side, and the other was fitted with a long couch covered in the same leather with seat-belts every few feet. There was a wet bar tucked into the corner at the end of the couch, a hallway that led to the galley and cockpit, and at the opposite end was a hall leading to a bedroom with recessed lighting. I walked around like a kid in a candy store, gaping at the luxury.

Edward found me standing in the bedroom, and he raised an eyebrow. "Does everything meet with your approval?"

"Why is there a bedroom? And seat-belts on the couch? A wet-bar? It's not as if vampires need any of that."

"Well, it came this way, but we do have to have inspections and meet safety regulations in order to fly. Seat-belts _are_ required equipment on airplanes."

"Good point. The FAA doesn't know that you could fall from the sky and just get up and walk away."

"You couldn't." Edward brushed the back of his knuckles over my cheek, his expression no longer playful.

"Don't remind me."

The intercom system clicked on. "This is your pilot, Captain Adam Marra. We're cleared for take-off as soon as everyone is buckled in. The skies ahead are clear, so it should be a smooth flight."

Edward held his hand out and led me back into the main cabin, buckling us into the plush seats. He gave me the window seat, laughing about how his view was still so much better. Emmett and Rosalie buckled in on the couch, and Edward pushed a button above us to speak to the captain.

"Good afternoon, Captain Marra, this is Edward Cullen. We're ready for take-off whenever you are."

"Good afternoon, Mr. Cullen. We'll be in the air momentarily. Have an enjoyable flight."

The plane started taxiing down the tarmac, making a left turn to maneuver into position. Slowing to a near-crawl the engines revved, and the jet started up the runway, bouncing lightly as we gathered speed.

"Izzy?" Edward was looking at me with concern. "Are you all right?"

"Mm-hm."

"Are you sure?"

My eyes followed his gaze, focused on my hand between us which was curled into a white-knuckled claw.

"I'll be fine as soon as we're in the air," I whispered.

"Give me your hand." Edward took my hand in his, prying my fingers open one-by-one until he could link them together with his. He leaned in to kiss along the side of my neck. "You're safe with me, you know."

"I know. Really... I know it's silly to fear take-offs and landings. Can't help how I feel, though."

Edward tugged our joined hands, pulling me in closer to his body, then he switched hands so he could put his arm around my shoulders while still giving me his fingers to grip as tight as I needed.

"Thank you for not laughing at me."

"Why would I laugh at you? Everyone has fears."

"Even you, boyscout?" I joked.

"Even me."

"What's your greatest fear?"

He tightened his arm around me, placing a kiss on my head. "Losing you," he whispered into my hair.

"Edward... I told you already that you're stuck with me. I'm not going anywhere."

"It's not just you leaving. If something should happen to you—illness, accident, _James_—I can't even fathom what it would do to me."

"Ditto."

After all, wasn't my greatest fear that something would happen to take me away from Edward? The thought of being held captive by James was repugnant. After being loved so deeply by Edward, I could never abide another man's touch. And if James should succeed in killing _him_, I wasn't sure I'd be able to go on—not under the guilt of knowing it was because of me. Yes, I thought I understood his fears all too well.

Once we were in the air, the captain gave permission remove the seat-belts, and I finally relaxed. Glancing over at the couch, I was surprised to see a smile on Rosalie's face and what might be mistaken for a gleam of anticipation in her eyes. Getting out of my seat, I strolled over to stand in front of her.

"Bitch, are you actually looking forward to this trip?"

"Maybe." She shot me a glare.

"You are totally into this!" I accused.

"I suppose it's possible." Rosalie grabbed my wrist before I could turn away. "But if you tell anyone... I'll make you pay."

"Agreed."

I wandered the cabin, still in awe of the elegance around me; every plane I'd ever been in resembled an oversized tin can fitted with too-close-together bus seats. Even first class—although a great deal more spacious and opulent than coach—didn't hold a candle to this. Coming upon the bathroom, I thought I'd found the ugly duckling part of this jet, but it was not to be.

I opened the door, fully expecting to find one of those shit-shower-shavers where you could spin around in the center and touch each wall easily. This... this was just astounding. The bathroom was nearly the size of the one in Edward's room at home. The floor and sink were marble, there were ornate brass fixtures, a full porcelain toilet, and—the Pièce de résistance—a freakin' shower with multiple jets set in the walls.

I stood in the middle of the room, glancing around with awe. And then an idea hit me.

"Edward!" I called, sticking my head out the door. He was in front of me so fast I nearly fell on my ass. "Oh!"

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Question for you." Leaning in close to him, I gripped his shirt in my fingers. "Want to join the Mile High Club?"

Before I could register his reaction, I found myself pushed into the bathroom and slammed up against the door. Edward's nose skimmed over my collarbone and up the side of my neck, his lips laying soft kisses down as he went. His hands gripped my hips, pinning me in place.

"Oh, yes." His tongue snaked out to lick a trail along my jaw. Bringing himself eye-to-eye with me, he brought his lips to within a hair's breadth of mine. "You're so naughty."

"Am I? Maybe I need to be taught a lesson then."

Edward growled, easily capturing my wrists in one of his hands and raising them over my head. His other hand slid under my shirt, fingers skimming over my stomach to tickle across my ribs. Bending his head down, he captured my lips with his own, kissing me with a passion that held a wild edge to it.

When I wriggled my body around, he growled, his fingers biting into my hip to still me. His tongue continued to aggressively explore my mouth, sending shocks of pleasure through me.

One hand reached around to squeeze my ass, while the other rucked my skirt up to my waist.

"I want you, Izzy. Right here. Against this door."

A thrill flared in my chest, and the space between my legs throbbed for his touch.

"Edward, why are you still talking?" I bit his lip.

I'm pretty sure his answering growl was clearly heard by the other vampires on the plane.

Edward's hand left my ass to undo his pants. The clink of his belt buckle followed by the parting of metal teeth caused my mouth to water and my heart to beat faster. Stepping back slightly, he freed his cock from his jeans, stroking himself a few times, his hand twisting as it came up to cover the head.

I moaned. Panted. Squirmed against the door.

"Is this what you want?" he teased, looking down between our bodies.

I whimpered.

He leaned in to kiss my neck, alternating between swirling licks and nips. His cool lips were a balm to my overheated skin. Oh, how I wished I had use of my hands, but he held me against the door easily.

I felt the hardness of his cock slip into the apex of my thighs, sliding against the silkiness of my thong, and I'd never been more jealous of a scrap of material in my life.

"Rip it off. I need you there. Please... now."

His hand slipped up my shirt to cup a breast, pinching my nipple through the rough lace of my bra.

"Do you want me, Izzy? Want me to thrust deep inside you?"

"Fuck yeah, Edward."

His hand slid back out of my shirt, and I cried out in protest. With a soft chuckle, he cupped my ass. "I'm going to lift you up. I want you to wrap your legs around me, baby."

The rarely used term of endearment in his lust-filled voice made me pant harder. I did as instructed, wrapping my legs around his slim hips as he slid his arm under me. He maneuvered us until he was satisfied with the position then took his hand away. I was held in mid air with my arms stretched overhead and the press of his hips. There wasn't much I counted on in this sick and twisted world, but I knew he'd never let me fall.

My chest heaved with my efforts to draw in deeper breaths, and he watched the rise and fall, enchanted. Lifting my shirt, he reached around to unclasp my bra, freeing my aching tits and exposing them to his darkened gaze.

"So beautiful. Your skin is so soft, so creamy." He cupped one breast in the palm of his hand, the smooth coolness of his palm causing my nipple to flare painfully rather than being soothed. When he tweaked the tightened point, I felt an answering thrill in my pussy—pleasure through pain.

"Edward, please."

His knuckles trailed over my ribs, brushing lightly over my stomach. He slid one finger under the edge of my silky thong, running it up and down—so close to where I wanted him, yet so far.

"Oh, yes, Izzy. So very wet for me, and I'm so hard for you." Shifting his hips, his cock slid against my thong again, pressing against my entrance through the thin material as his finger continued its gentle stroking.

My clit throbbed with need, but there was no relief to be had.

"C'mon, boyscout. Stop teasing. Give me all of you."

A light sheen of sweat beaded up on the skin of my heaving chest and my forehead was damp. Edward was doing all the work, but my intense desire and frustration were having their own effect.

"Your wish, my command."

Instead of ripping my thong off, he simply pushed it aside and speared into me.

"Holy fuck, Edward!" I cried out in shock.

He filled me in the most delicious way, and I was already halfway to orgasm before he started moving inside me. His thumb pressed lightly against my clit, and his lips found their way to my ear to whisper, "Mm-mm... you vibrate for me. Your little bud is straining and crying for my touch."

I moaned incoherently. Edward had really come out of his shell since Jack got hold of him. I loved his earnest innocence, but I also loved when he let his inner animal out of its cage.

"Like this, baby? Is this how you want it?" he cooed as his thumb circled slowly.

"More."

He sped up the revolutions and circled his hips slowly.

_Circle, circle... thrust._

"Shit, boyscout. You're killing me."

His response was to cover my lips with his own, our tongues joining as he repeated the same pattern with his mouth.

_Circle, circle... thrust._

The sensations he was creating between our bodies and our mouths, coupled with his thumb continuing lazy circles over my clit, was a potent sex cocktail. I had no control of my body, and the complete trust and abandon gave me a rare sense of freedom even as I was restrained.

His hips sped up, thrusting deeper and harder, and his tongue followed suit. The multiple points of sensation drew me closer to the edge, and I felt like I was coming apart at the seams. When my first orgasm hit, I cried against Edward's thrusting tongue, every cell in my body electrified and vibrating with delicious ecstasy.

After the initial fire of my release had burned through me, Edward let my hands go and pulled back to look at me with unbridled lust, his onyx eyes filled with want.

"Hold onto me, baby."

His hands slid down my sides to grip my hips, and I rested my hands on his shoulders. My arms were weak and tingly from being held up so long, but I hardly noticed as Edward started thrusting inside me at a new and deeper angle.

"_Ungh,_ Izzy..." Edward tilted his head back, eyes closing.

His face was fascinating to look at in the throes of passion. His sharply angled jaw tight with concentration, the way his brows furrowed, and his mouth slightly open to pant air he didn't have need of. His licked his bottom lip and moaned again.

My fingers threaded into his hair, and I held on for dear life as he pumped harder and faster into me.

"Edward... you're so fucking hot. I love watching your face while you slam into me."

A low growl rumbled in the air between us.

I was heading for my second orgasm _fast_.

"I'm going to come again," I whimpered. "Come with me."

It was like a tsunami crashing over me, and in my incoherent state of bliss, I heard Edward snarl as he pumped his cool seed into me.

_Fucking perfection._

When we returned to our seats, Rosalie was lounging with her legs up on the couch paging through a magazine while Emmett rubbed her bare feet. Her eyes met mine, and she smirked. "He cleaned your clock, didn't he? You've totally corrupted my brother."

"Jealous much?" I looked pointedly between her and Emmett.

"Hell no, princess." Her ruby red lips curled into a condescending smile. "Emmett and I would break this baby in half. It's a good thing Captain Marra is behind a soundproof door. You two made quite the spectacle."

I snorted. "If you were expecting me to blush, you're going to be disappointed. I'm proud of the way Edward's come out of his shell the past few months. I have Jack to thank for a lot of it. Speaking of Jack... have _you_ spent any time with him lately, Rosalie?"

"As a matter of fact, we have. Right, Em?" Rosalie laughed throatily.

Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "If you're trying to embarrass my sister, I'm afraid it's about as impossible as making you blush. You two might not always get along, but you're a matched set in certain ways."

"Edward... are you calling me a bitch?"

He made a zipping motion in front of his lips, and Emmett threw his head back and laughed.

Hmph.

**~*IWIPB*~**

_Rio._ We were actually in Brazil, and I didn't even have a passport. Again, I was astounded by the resources of my vampire family.

Emmett drove the car that was waiting for us when we arrived. He wound his way through the streets just as dusk was falling, and eventually stopped in front of a nondescript white stone building—the face marked only with gold numbers.

"Here we are. Rose and I are going to..." Emmett turned to face Edward and wiggled his eyebrows.

Edward merely smirked and took my hand, helping me out of the car.

Leading the way inside, he stopped at the desk and spoke in Portuguese. _How fucking hot to hear Edward speaking another language._

The man behind the counter handed him a key, and I followed him up the narrow stairs. Only after he unlocked the door and I was sitting on the bed in the small room did I question him.

"So... why are we here?"

"I thought you might enjoy spending the night here. We can take a walk through the streets, you can get something to eat from one of the vendors, enjoy the sights..."

"I thought the deserted island would be more of a sight, but this is okay, too."

"Oh, you haven't seen this yet." Edward strolled over to a set of louvered doors, opening them wide.

I strolled over to stand beside him and gasped. Lights twinkled all over the city, the darkness continuing to descend. The sky was midnight blue and cloudless, but when I followed Edward's finger, I nearly stopped breathing.

"Oh..." was all I could manage.

"Christ the Redeemer."

"Yes, I know what it is, Edward. My God, pictures and films could never do it justice."

An overwhelming feeling came over me to fall to my knees before its magnificence. I stepped out onto the balcony, my fingers gripping the railing. The statue was bathed by a golden glow from the spotlights below, and a winding path was barely visible, leading to its base. I crossed myself. No, I've never been particularly religious, but I believed in God. Maybe He no longer believed in me after how profane I've been, the horrible things I've done, but I hoped He hadn't given up on me.

"It's a thing of beauty, yes?" Edward mused. "Every time I come here, I stay in this room. There's always been the question of whether vampires have souls, but when I stand before the statue, I can almost believe I have one."

"Of course you have a soul, Edward! God, if _you_ don't have one then I definitely don't. You're an angel that God allowed to live on the earth."

Edward looked at me oddly but didn't argue. Instead, he pulled me closer, and we stood there together watching the darkness descend upon the earth as the golden glow brought Christ the Redeemer to the forefront.

"Beautiful. I saw a path going up there," I spoke after a while.

"There is. Would you like to visit the statue?"

"Could we?"

"Wait until the middle of the night and you can get an up close look."

"You mean..."

"I'll take you all the way to the top."

For a moment, excitement flooded through me. Then I glanced up at the holy statue again, his arms spread wide both to receive and to give. The position resembled the cross, maybe a reminder of all that had been sacrificed.

"No. I think the view from here is just perfect. It just doesn't seem right to go up there."

"As you wish, Izzy. Would you like to take a walk?"

"Yes. That sounds perfect."

Holding hands, we walked through the narrow streets. I looked up in amazement at the number of buildings stacked and staggered one upon the other, many with balconies and some with short wrought iron fencing surrounding flat roof-lines. Along the road, many shops were open. There were restaurants with sidewalk dining, and on one corner, a small band was playing while people danced around them on the pavement.

"Wow. This is awesome, Edward!"

As we were passing the band, he pulled me up against his hard chest. "Dance with me," he murmured against my hair, his hips pressing against mine, giving me a clue he wasn't done with me for the night.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he placed his hands on my hips, dirty dancing with me. This was a new, playful side of him I hadn't seen often. His face was smooth and unworried, his eyes danced with a sense of fun, and his moves... oh, my God, if he wasn't holding me, I knew I'd be in a puddle at his feet.

"Edward, what's gotten into you?" I laughed, throwing my head back, as he held our pelvises securely together.

"_You_ have." His low chuckle sent pleasant tingles through me.

A while later, Emmett and Rosalie joined in on the dancing. Many people on the sidelines pointed us out, smiling. Before long, there were only two other couples dancing, and I felt as if we were on display.

"Seems we're drawing some attention," Emmett said, laughing.

"I'd think you'd be used to that by now." I smirked at him, and he laughed harder.

"Touché, little sis."

Edward just shook his head, leaning down to speak in my ear. "You want to get out of here?"

I gazed up at him slyly. "Is that a proposition, boyscout?"

"What do you think?" He winked at me.

When we returned to our room, the sounds of the night could be heard as a pleasant background murmur. The lights dotted along the hillside and the statue in the distance created a beautiful backdrop.

Edward and I lay on the bed together for the longest time, his arms wound around me while I watched the night. We didn't speak much, but it was the most comfortable of silences. When most of the lights had gone out for the night and the sounds of the town were winding down, he undressed us both and rolled on top of me.

"You are the most precious thing in this world to me, Izzy. I love you."

"I love you, too, boyscout." I bit my lip. "Does it get any better than this?"

"It will. Someday, you'll be completely mine for eternity."

"I already am in here." I pressed his hand over my heart. "You're it for me. I could never belong to anyone else."

"What if something went wrong between us?"

I looked up at him, but the way the shadows bathed his face, it was hard to read his expression. I stroked his cheek with my fingertips. "Even if something did go wrong, I could never allow another into my life."

He brought my hand to his lips and kissed my palm. "I couldn't be with anyone else, either."

With no more words between us, he nudged my legs apart and entered me slowly. There was something different about this time, something special. His hips thrust hard against me, yet his hands and lips were so gentle, tender. A few tears rolled over my temple and into my hair, and I had no idea why I was so emotional. An incredible orgasm ripped through me, and my mind was no longer focused on anything cerebral. Edward grunted softly as he came, burying his head in the crook of my neck and whispering my name.

He rolled us on our sides, and I fell asleep naked with him still inside me.

The next morning, I was awakened by a beam of sunlight warming my shoulder. I was still naked, but the sheets had been tucked around me. Cracking open an eyelid, I noticed Edward sitting with his back against the balcony railing and his knees bent. From my vantage point, I had a breathtaking view of his handsome profile. He really was perfection personified. Every girl's dream. And he was all mine.

I grinned, and whispered, "Mine."

Edward glanced over at me. "What's yours?"

"You." My smile widened.

His answering smile made my heart beat faster. "Always. Forever."

A soft breeze ruffled Edward's hair and ghosted over my skin causing delicious shivers. The sky outside was cerulean with fluffy cotton-ball clouds.

Standing up from the bed and pulling the sheet with me, I made my way out to the balcony and sat between his legs. The corner of the balcony where he sat was in shadow, but I didn't mind. Being close to him warmed me more than the sun, and it wouldn't do for the whole town to see him sparkling.

After breakfast, Edward announced it was time to leave. I stood on the balcony for a few minutes overlooking the streets which were bustling with daytime business. There was something special about this place, and I hoped someday we would return.

We were forced to wait until the clouds obscured the sun before we could leave. Heading down to the docks, the guys piled our luggage into the waiting boat, and we took off for the island. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the fine spray of water that flew up when we hit the wake of other boats. The ride took about an hour and then we were docking next to Isle Esme. I glanced around in awe.

Pristine white sand rolled up to a single story wood and glass house with a huge deck. It was definitely the tropical version of the Cullen house. Palm trees swayed in the breeze, a semicircle of vegetation creating a beautiful backdrop behind the rustic but elegant haven.

"Shit, it's beautiful!" I took my shoes off and ran barefoot over the fine white sand. The sand slid between my toes with a delicious smoothness, like a fine powder. The sand at La Push was rough enough to slough all your dead skin off and then some, so this was a treat. "This sand is so soft!"

The water was a greenish-blue, lapping up to the shore in gently undulating rolls. Unable to resist, I headed to the edge of the sand and allowed the water to tickle my toes. It was nearly the same temperature as the balmy air, and I walked forward until I was up to my knees. Closing my eyes, I enjoyed the tactile feel of the water swirling gently around my legs, the breeze caressing the bare skin of my arms and lifting my hair. A slowly blooming warmth on my face completed the sated feeling that permeated my being. This was healing, and I felt calmer and more at peace than I had in a long, long time.

A sudden realization drew me out of my cocoon. The sun was on my face! That meant sparkling skin. I turned around fast, stumbling when my feet tangled together, and landed on my ass in the water. More embarrassing? Edward was right behind me, smirking. And sparkling.

"Edward, the sun!"

"I'm not going to burst into flames, Izzy." He shook his head, smirk still in place. "Nobody comes out here. There's a private perimeter around the island that we own, and no boats come into those waters. Even if they did, we'd notice long before they knew what was reflecting back at them."

"So we're free to do whatever we want here? We can sun ourselves on the beach? Go swimming in full sun?"

"Yes."

"Get over here!"

Getting up, I waded deeper into the surf and then dove under the surface. The water was just as clear underneath, offering a gorgeous view of shells along the bottom and small fish darting around. Lifting my head out of the water, I saw Edward still standing at the edge watching me.

"C'mon, boyscout! Are you afraid you'll get your clothes wet?" I taunted. My own skirt was lifting away from my body and floating around my waist and my tank top was plastered to my tits.

There was a sudden blur, and then there was only a pile of clothes on the sand where Edward had been standing. Before I could fully take in what was happening, cool hands gripped my hips and Edward bobbed up out of the water.

"You were saying?"

"Are you nekkid, boyscout?" My hands reached for him. His chest was bare, but he had on his boxer briefs. "Damn."

"Izzy!" He shook his head. "I really don't want Rosalie seeing me naked."

"Afraid Emmett will be jealous of how well endowed you are?"

Edward laughed, the free and easy laugh that I loved.

There was a loud, "Yeah, right!" yelled down the beach from Emmett who was wrestling in the sand with Rosalie.

"Would you like to see the house?" Edward asked after we'd been floating in the water for a while.

"Yeah. Think I'd like my bathing suit, too."

Edward scooped me out of the water and carried me up to the house. Climbing the stairs to the deck, he nudged his back against the huge glass door which rotated open. The inside was all hardwood, light colored area rugs, expensive but beach-y looking furniture, and beautiful artwork. The master bedroom could probably fit most of my little house back in Forks inside it. Despite the size of the room, it still managed to be cozy and had a calming air about it. The huge mahogany four-poster bed was draped in cream netting with satin bows at the corners.

"This is breathtaking, Edward. All of it." I turned and launched myself at him, wrapping my arms and legs around his body. He caught me easily, laughing. "Thank you. I really need this. _We_ really need this." I kissed all over his face and hugged him tight.

When he put me down, I flung my suitcase open and rifled through my bikinis. I chose the black one with vines of little red flowers. It came with a matching sarong which I decided against. Why not show off a little? Maybe my body wasn't as hot as Rosalie's, but I knew Edward only had eyes for me. Just wait until I was a vampire—smokin' body, here we come!

When I sauntered out onto the deck, Edward's Adam's apple bobbed slowly. He was up off the chair with his hands on my hips looking me up and down in a second flat.

"What are you wearing? Are you trying to kill me?" he exclaimed.

"Kill you? No. Tempt you, yes."

"Consider your mission successful," he whispered, kissing my neck. His hands roamed.

"Oh. Oh! I need to bleach my eyes!" Emmett's loud, booming voice came from the entrance to the deck. He was wearing a pair of red and blue board shorts and no shirt and was grinding his fists into his eyes.

"What's your problem?" I giggled.

"Edward being all pervy! It's just too weird. For decades he was so—"

"Shut it, Emmett." Edward glared at him, but there was no humor in the look.

"Sorry, man." Emmett held his hands up. "So you guys want to come play with us?"

"No." Edward's jaw was tight.

"We'll be right there, Em. Just give us a minute." I waved him off. When he was gone, I turned to face Edward. "What was _that_ all about, boyscout?"

"He just doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut."

"He was only teasing. I'm sure he didn't mean anything bad by it."

"You know, you're right. I'm sorry. Let's go join them on the beach."

We spent the rest of the afternoon romping in the surf and playing volleyball—me, Edward, and Rose against Emmett. We only beat him by a point.

By the time night fell, I was exhausted from trying to keep up with beings that never tire. That was another thing to look forward to when Edward changed me—never needing to sleep or running out of mojo. I thought of all the things I could accomplish if I never needed to sleep and could move faster than the speed of light.

I was flopped back on the king size bed in our room in a tank top and short-shorts. A whispering cross-breeze was flowing through the house, and my eyes were starting to droop. Edward lay down next to me, swiping a few stray hairs out of my eyes. "Hey."

"Hey." I smiled.

"Are you tired?"

"Fucking exhausted! You guys are going to kill me."

"Are you... happy, Izzy?"

I looked into his golden eyes, and caressed his cheek. "Ecstatic. This is all so perfect."

"Good." Edward smiled, hovering over me. "You're so perfect," he whispered against my lips.

We kissed languidly, arms and legs tangling together. His hands roamed slowly over my curves, but he didn't try to undress me. The bed was so soft, his kisses so gentle, the movement of his hands hypnotizing... and I felt as if I was floating on a cloud surrounded by love.

He peppered soft kisses along my collarbones and whispered into my skin, "Get some sleep, my love."

"You'll stay with me?"

"I'm not going anywhere. I love you." He kissed me on the forehead.

"I love you, too." Turning on my side, I pressed my back against his chest and we spooned with our legs entwined. Pure heaven.

**~*IWIPB*~**

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, so don't get _too_ excited. Izzy and Boyscout needed a break... to get ready for the part of this story that I've been dreading having to write for months. Batten down the hatches is all I will say.**

**If you haven't check out my new story _Red Kryptonite_, I'd be honored if you did. It's a different spin on the whole AU thing with a blood drinking bounty hunter Edward. That one is mostly written and updates every Tuesday. The chapters are shorter, all EPOV, and I wrote it in my spare time for several months before I started posting. (Sarita rolls around laughing about the spare time comment)**

**Follow me on Twitter: (at) SaritaDreaming or (at) SarahAisling**

**Facebook: SarahAislingAuthor**


	19. Chapter 18 Betrayed

**A/N: My sincere apologies for the delay in posting this story. Strap in, kiddies, because this is where it gets rough.**

**Thanks to my lovely prereaders, Keye and Sandy, for all their feedback and support.**

**Mega thanks to my awesome betas, wmr1601 and Katmom, for wielding the sparkly reds. Mwah!**

* * *

**Chapter 18**

**~Betrayed~**

* * *

**Song List:**

**_Gravity_ ~ Sara Bareilles**

**_Impossible_ ~ Shontelle**

**_Fire and Ice _~ Within Temptation**

_**Let the fire burn the ice  
Where's the love we once had  
Is it all a lie?**_

_**And I still wonder  
Why heaven has died  
The skies are all falling  
I'm breathing but why?  
In silence I hold on  
To you and I**_

**~Excerpt of Fire and Ice**

**by Within Temptation  
**

* * *

_**~Previously~**_

_When I sauntered out onto the deck, Edward's Adam's apple bobbed slowly. He was up off the chair with his hands on my hips looking me up and down in a second flat._

_"What are you wearing? Are you trying to kill me?" he exclaimed._

_"Kill you? No. Tempt you, yes."_

_"Consider your mission successful," he whispered, kissing my neck. His hands roamed._

_"Oh. Oh! I need to bleach my eyes!" Emmett's loud, booming voice came from the entrance to the deck. He was wearing a pair of red and blue board shorts and no shirt and was grinding his fists into his eyes._

_"What's your problem?" I giggled._

_"Edward being all pervy! It's just too weird. For decades he was so—"_

_"Shut it, Emmett." Edward glared at him, but there was no humor in the look._

_"Sorry, man." Emmett held his hands up. "So you guys want to come play with us?"_

_"No." Edward's jaw was tight._

_"We'll be right there, Em. Just give us a minute." I waved him off. When he was gone, I turned to face Edward. "What was that all about, boyscout?"_

_"He just doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut."_

_"He was only teasing. I'm sure he didn't mean anything bad by it."_

_"You know, you're right. I'm sorry. Let's go join them on the beach."_

_We spent the rest of the afternoon romping in the surf and playing volleyball—me, Edward, and Rose against Emmett. We only beat him by a point._

_By the time night fell, I was exhausted from trying to keep up with beings that never tire. That was another thing to look forward to when Edward changed me—never needing to sleep or running out of mojo. I thought of all the things I could accomplish if I never needed to sleep and could move faster than the speed of light._

_I was flopped back on the king size bed in our room in a tank top and short-shorts. A whispering cross-breeze was flowing through the house, and my eyes were starting to droop. Edward lay down next to me, swiping a few stray hairs out of my eyes. "Hey."_

_"Hey." I smiled._

_"Are you tired?"_

_"Fucking exhausted! You guys are going to kill me."_

_"Are you... happy, Izzy?"_

_I looked into his golden eyes, and caressed his cheek. "Ecstatic. This is all so perfect."_

_"Good." Edward smiled, hovering over me. "You're so perfect," he whispered against my lips._

_We kissed languidly, arms and legs tangling together. His hands roamed slowly over my curves, but he didn't try to undress me. The bed was so soft, his kisses so gentle, the movement of his hands hypnotizing... and I felt as if I was floating on a cloud surrounded by love._

_He peppered soft kisses along my collarbones and whispered into my skin, "Get some sleep, my love."_

_"You'll stay with me?"_

_"I'm not going anywhere. I love you." He kissed me on the forehead._

_"I love you, too." Turning on my side, I pressed my back against his chest and we spooned with our legs entwined. Pure heaven._

**~*IWIPB*~**

**~*Izzy*~**

My eyelids fluttered and opened, closing quickly against the blinding light that pierced my eyes. At about the same time, I realized my retinas weren't the only things burning. My skin tingled with cold heat, and chills wracked my body. I turned on my side, and the sheet felt like sandpaper rubbing against my skin.

"Ow." I shifted, trying to get comfortable, but it felt like a layer of skin ripped off. "Fuck me."

Shading my eyes, I blinked until the room came into focus. The cream netting draping softly from the bed posts muted the view of the room but did nothing to block out the blinding streams of sunlight. Lifting the sheet and glancing down at myself, the problem was obvious right away: I looked like a lobster.

"Oh, shit." I was awed by the crimson hue of my chest. Tugging my tank down, I could see where the bikini had protected my boobs—which looked intensely white in direct contrast to the angry red. I splayed my fingers over my breastbone; intense heat poured off my skin at the same time a cool pinching feeling traveled just underneath.

Turning my head slightly, I realized I was alone in the huge bed and wondered where Edward was. My head throbbed dully as I sat up and placed my hands on either side in an attempt to quell the pain. At least the bottoms of my feet weren't burned—the solid feel of the hardwood floors beneath their soles was oddly comforting.

Parting the netting, I stood carefully, trying to ignore the painful tugging of my skin. A wave of dizziness washed over me, and I waited for it to pass before making my way slowly to the bathroom. The sight of my face in the mirror set off a wave of cursing. My skin was a deep, mottled red—except where my sunglasses had been. I looked like a reverse raccoon! A pissed off, rabid raccoon. Tiny blisters dotted the parts of my shoulders that were visible. Thank fuck I didn't have a bra on!

It was my own fault, really. I couldn't expect a group of sparkling vampires to understand how easily damaged my pale, tender human skin would be. I'd never spent any significant time out in the sun before, so the thought never even crossed my mind yesterday as we'd romped on the beach in full sun all afternoon.

Opening the medicine cabinet, I rifled through the contents in the hopes I'd find something to soothe my ravaged skin. No such luck. Band-aids, toothpaste, mouthwash, Q-tips, cotton balls... nothing of value for a sunburn. I grabbed my cosmetic bag and dug through it, finding moisturizing cream. Well, I was going to need that soon, but right now I needed something to ease the pain. I eyed the shower, wondering if warm or cool water would be better but decided to hold off for the moment.

And where the hell was Edward?

Leaving the bathroom, I padded through the bedroom and into the living room. No Edward. He wasn't in the den, the dining room, or the kitchen, either. I was about to head through the house to the deck to see if he was out on the beach, when a narrow wrought iron spiral stairway caught my eye. It was visible through a door on the far side of the kitchen which led to a mudroom. My curiosity got the best of me, and I walked over to stand at the bottom and look up. There was a source of light at the top, but no other clues as to what was above. Cautiously, I started up the tight spiral, the surface of the metal cool and rough beneath my bare feet.

As I neared the top, I could hear Edward's muffled voice rising and falling. The stairway ended at a small, unfurnished loft with glass sliding doors leading outside onto the roof. Hesitating at the tone of Edward's voice, I froze in place, and it hit me that maybe he didn't want me to hear this conversation. If he didn't want to disturb my sleep, he could have talked quietly in any number of rooms in the house. Knowing him the way I did, he wouldn't want to be too far away from me in case I needed him, so this was the furthest realistic point in the house.

Sitting on the top step, I strained to hear what he was saying.

"...but how is the question... No, I get that. Why didn't you see it? _Carved_? How do you carve that in a... shit."

Edward fell silent, and I tried not to breathe. I could hear slight creaks, and I imagined he was pacing back and forth with a hand raking through his hair the way he always did when frustrated.

"This is bad. Have you looked to see... Thank God. So he has no idea then. And the other situation? When will that be cleared up?... Good... I couldn't care less. Okay... talk soon."

My heart stuttered for a second then started pounding. There was no time to get away, but then again, I wanted to know what the hell he was talking about anyway.

The glass slider opened, and I was met with Edward's grim countenance. His eyes bore into me like two pieces of coal. "Izzy, what are you doing up here?" His voice was brusque, and I was taken aback.

"I was looking for you. I wasn't aware there were parts of the house that were off limits to me." I lifted my chin defiantly.

"Of course there aren't." He pinched the bridge of his nose—another tell of his. He remained on the other side of the loft, his hand resting on the frame of the door.

"Edward, what's wrong?" My voice was small. His behavior was really starting to freak me out. He'd never stood so far away from me before; he always took every opportunity he could to touch me.

A faint groaning sound reached me, and I glanced up in time to see the metal frame around the sliders buckle under his grasp. His eyes met mine, and they were colder than I'd ever seen them. His jaw ticked, and the metal molded further under his hand.

"Edward... talk to me. What is it?" I stood up and started toward him, but he held up a hand.

"Izzy, keep your distance. I'm really angry right now."

"At me?" My voice sounded pathetic, and a sudden surge of anger flared up inside me. I knew I hadn't done anything wrong, so why the hell was I acting like such a pussy?

Edward's face changed from rage filled to slightly apologetic. "No, I'm not mad at you. I'm just afraid of being too rough with you. Look at the door frame, Izzy."

"Fair enough, but what the fuck has you so angry?"

"Izzy..."

"No. Don't fucking do that, Edward. Tell me what happened."

Edward turned away from me and put his fist through the wall. "James happened."

"Shit! Is he here?" My heart knocked erratically in my chest, and I started to hyperventilate.

Edward was over to me a second later, caressing my face between his cool hands. As an aside, his icy skin felt like _heaven_ against my sunburned face. "No. James is still hanging around Forks, but he left another calling card at the house."

"Did that sicko skin another cat?"

"Worse. We need to get home."

"James is hanging around, and you want to walk _into_ the lion's den?"

"Our family is more vulnerable split up this way." Edward looked away. "Let's get you back downstairs." He scooped me into his arms and flashed down the stairs and into the kitchen, leaving me vaguely dizzy.

Sitting me on the counter, Edward placed his hands around my waist, resting our foreheads together. His pressed his lips to mine, and although the kiss was feather light, something deeper burned behind it.

"Edward." I touched his face and waited for his eyes to meet mine. "Tell me what happened."

"James left something on our property. His message was a bit more violent than the cat. He staked a head on a stick at the end of our driveway."

"A _head_? What kind of animal?"

"It wasn't an animal."

My heart started beating harder, and now I was afraid to ask just what kind of head he was referring to. My fingers curled into claws against Edward's impermeable skin, and some of my fingernails bent back under the force.

"Wh-What was it?" The better question was probably _Who was it?_ But I couldn't bring myself to say the words.

"It was Riley."

"Holy fuck! James killed Riley? But... I mean... how?"

"Vampires can be killed by fire, as you know, or by the severing of the head. I imagine James burned the body so Riley couldn't be put back together."

A nursery rhyme flitted through my head. "All the king's horses and all the king's men..." I murmured.

"Precisely. That bastard!" One of his hands left my waist to pinch the bridge of his nose, and he closed his eyes for a moment.

"There's more, isn't there?"

"He carved the word 'traitor' on Riley's forehead."

"How could he carve into a vampire's skin?"

"With a fingernail dipped in venom."

"He's s sick fuck."

"He's targeted Alice." Edward's voice was hoarse, and his fingers bit painfully into my skin. I didn't mind at all because the pain kept me tethered to the moment.

My stomach twisted. "What do you mean? He didn't hurt her?"

"No, but Alice saw a vision of him coming for her. Of course when she changed her plans, his fell through. We have to go home, Izzy. He could target any one of us, and we need to stand together."

"Okay."

"No argument?"

I shot him a dark look. "Of course not, Edward! You know how I feel about our family. I couldn't bear it if James hurt one of you."

Edward stepped back, pulling me down off the counter and into his arms. His embrace was so tight I could barely draw a breath.

"Um, human here! You're breaking my ribs..." I gasped.

"Sorry, Izzy." His grip loosened.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"You said our family."

"Ookay..."

"Not _my _family, _our _family."

"Well, duh! They are my family now. In fact, I think I mentioned that before we left for Rio."

"But it rolled out so naturally. That means you really believe it."

"Of course I believe it! Did you think I was lying?"

"No. It's just... sometimes I'm not entirely sure where we all stand with you."

"I love them all... and I love you, Edward Cullen. How could you even question that after all we've been through together?"

"You're right." His hands came up to cup my face, and his eyes were troubled, his expression vulnerable.

"Then why do you look so upset?"

"Izzy, there are some things you need to know. Once we get home and settled... I want us to have a serious talk. You might be kind of pissed at me, and I accept full responsibility for being an idiot. Sometimes I feel it's my job to protect you, and maybe I haven't given you enough credit."

"Am I hearing this right? Can I get a recording of that?" I smiled up at him, hoping to cheer him up a little. Hell, hoping to cheer myself up a little. This situation was dire, and while I was glad none of the Cullens were hurt, I felt sorry for Riley. He'd tried to help me once he got to know me, and I'd bet money that's why James chose him as a warning. My fleeting moment of humor was snuffed out, and my smile fell. "Edward, James killed Riley because of me—because he tried to help us."

"I know."

"We have to get this son of a bitch before he kills someone else!" And then I did what I do best: let loose a creative stream of expletives, calling James everything I could think of. Edward even added a few in, and when Rose and Emmett showed up with some fresh aloe leaves for my sunburn, they joined in on the fun.

There was no repeat performance of the Mile High Club on the plane ride home. There was no joking or snark, either. We were a somber group, all of us lost in our own thoughts—or revenge fantasies. I felt no pleasure in my desire to off James; it was a necessity. I couldn't let him hurt those I loved, and if that meant using my power against him and risking death, then so be it.

"What are you thinking?" Edward's cool lips grazed my ear.

"Why are you whispering? It's not as if they can't hear every word we exchange," I replied acidly. And I immediately felt guilty. "Sorry. That was unnecessary."

Edward kissed my cheek. "It's okay. We're all on edge right now."

I gazed out the window, watching the clouds rush by. I wanted to hide within their cottony depths, to wrap myself in their softness and sleep until all of this was over. The problem? I had to deal with it because it was my mess. My promiscuity led me to James, and I couldn't just sit back while he was "handled" for me.

The drive back to Forks was also a somber affair. Even Emmett was out of juice. When we pulled up out front, Alice, Jasper, Esme, and Carlisle stood at the bottom of the stairs, looking more like grim soldiers than a welcome home party. Edward cocked his head and informed us there were three wolves patrolling the border of our property.

There were no smiles. Nobody mentioned where Riley's head was, and I didn't ask. The last thing I wanted to see was his face frozen in death because he tried to help me. I was tempted to ask Edward to call the wolves off—after all, Paul nearly died for me, too—but I was too fucking selfish for that. Not for me, but for Edward and the rest of the Cullens. I wanted them to have every chance.

I lunged out of the car and threw myself into Alice's arms. Words weren't necessary; she understood how guilty I felt. God knew, poor Jasper did, but he didn't try to talk me down; his dark eyes were wary, panning the area constantly as he worried for Alice.

"All's been quiet since Riley," Jasper said. "We're going to need to hunt soon, though."

That's when I realized their eyes were nearly black with hunger.

Carlisle offered me a slight smile. "Hello, Izzy." Then his eyes roamed over everyone assembled. "We'll need to hunt in shifts. It's best if Jasper or Edward accompany each hunting party—perhaps both. James is likely to strike when we're weaker."

"What about Izzy?" Edward stepped slightly in front of me, ever the protective vampire.

"She can stay with whoever is left behind, and the wolves are also willing to offer us extra patrols. Don't forget, they almost lost Paul because of James. They have a stake in catching him, too."

"I don't know—" Edward started, but I interrupted him.

"Edward, it's okay. I'm fine with that. James isn't going to come after me here. He's more likely to try and pick one of you off while you're out hunting."

That night, Edward held me in our bed. He stroked my hair as I trembled, whispering words of comfort. I looked over at the charcoal drawing I'd made him for Christmas, his angel wings surrounding and protecting me, which now hung in a frame on the bedroom wall. My lover, protector, and best friend. I couldn't have known my heart was about to be torn out while it was still beating.

**~*IWIPB*~**

"Edward, Jasper, Rosalie, and Alice will take the first hunt with me. Esme and Emmett will stay behind with Izzy, and we have Sam, Jacob, Embry, and Quil on patrol during that time. Jacob will stay just outside the house so he can be in contact with the rest of the pack if anything should slip by the three patrolling the border of our property." Carlisle looked around at all of us gathered in front of the house, wolves included. "I think we're pretty well covered. Any concerns?"

Edward's attention is drawn to Sam, and he listens for a moment. "Sam wants us to know they will kill any vampires they don't recognize. We aren't expecting any company, are we, Carlisle?"

"No company coming. I hate to kill anyone, but when it comes to protecting our own, we have to do whatever is necessary."

"They're good to go. Can I have a moment with Izzy?"

The wolves took off, and Jacob moved off in the distance to give us privacy. Carlisle led the rest of the group to the woods to wait for Edward while Esme and Emmett headed inside.

Edward came to stand in front of me, sliding his hand under my hair to cup my neck, and rested his forehead against mine. "We'll be gone for several hours. With this many of us, we need to go a bit farther away."

"I'll be fine, you know."

"I know. I just hate being away from you—especially right now."

I smiled. It felt good to hear him say it because it made me feel like less of a pansy for missing him. "I love you, boyscout. Always."

Edward didn't answer verbally; he wrapped his other arm around me and used the hand on the back of my neck to pull me in close. When our lips met, his kiss was demanding. Devouring. A strong twinge of pleasurable pain shot through my nipples as our chests pressed together, and I allowed his tongue to play against mine freely. Pulling away from my mouth, he kissed down the side of my neck, licking his mark with a soft growl. When we finally let go, he grabbed my right wrist and placed a kiss over the crest of my leather cuff. "Forever, Izzy."

And then he was gone.

I wandered into the house. Emmett challenged me to play X-box, but I wasn't interested. Esme smiled at me and disappeared into the study; she knew I wasn't feeling social. Heading up to our room, I spent some time writing in my journal about our trip to Rio and Isle Esme, and how much I'd enjoyed myself before we had to leave. It pissed me off how lost I felt without Edward's presence. My inner banshee was silent, but I wondered if I was becoming too attached to him. It just didn't seem normal to crave another being 24/7.

Drawing a bath, I undressed and sank into the steaming water. It didn't sting against my sunburn nearly as much as I expected it to. My thoughts eventually turned back to Edward. I wished he could join me in the bath; that could be ever so much fun. I slipped my hand between my legs, pretending Edward's talented fingers were the ones parting my lips and entering me. My heart quickened as an orgasm washed over me. Between my release and the mist curling in the air, I grew sleepy, drifting into dreams of Edward doing naughty things to me.

The next time I opened my eyes, the bathwater was chilled and my fingers and toes looked like California Raisins. With a sigh, I let the water out and toweled off, dressing in the tight V-neck top and mini skirt I'd chosen to welcome Edward home in.

As I sat on the bed and pulled on my boots, I noticed movement from the corner of my eye. Glancing up quickly, I came face to face with every insecure girl's nightmare entering through the window.

She was tall and curvaceous with long, golden curls. _Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your golden hair_, flitted through my mind. Her turquoise dress fit her like a second skin, dipping so low it seemed her ample cleavage would spill out, nipped in to show off her tiny waist, and flaring softly over her curvy hips. Her face was perfection: pouty lips, high cheekbones, upturned nose, and a fringe of lush lashes surrounding amber eyes. Her makeup was as flawless as the rest of her.

"Hello, Izzy." Her voice was throaty and seductive, her slight smile sphinx-like, amusement glinting in her golden eyes.

The hairs rose on the back of my neck, and I immediately bristled at her familiarity. "Who the fuck are you? And what are you doing in my bedroom?"

"_Your_ bedroom? I thought this was Edward's room." The goddess looked around her, taking in her surroundings. Her gaze lit on the charcoal drawing of Edward, and she raised a perfectly manicured brow.

I rose to my feet, taking a few steps in her direction. Vampire or not, I wasn't afraid of her; I could blast her ass six ways to Sunday. "Perhaps you didn't hear me. Who the fuck are you?"

"Tsk. Such language! I'm Tanya... a friend of the family."

My throat worked slowly, a heaviness spreading inside my belly as if I'd swallowed a stone. _Tanya._ Perfection. Beauty. Poise. Edward's fucking gorgeous vampire ex-girlfriend.

And then there was me. Damaged. Troubled. Awkward. Oh, sure, I was pretty—but that was marred by my black liner, face hardware, and bitchiness. My wearing of slutty clothes and leather boots, while Tanya stood before me like a debutante with her perfectly manicured nails painted turquoise to match her dress and tipped with pearly white. Her unblemished face, made up to perfection. The coiffed hair, not a strand out of place. As much as I loved Edward, even I had to wonder why he would ever have left her and chosen someone like me. Someone flawed and psychologically scarred.

I glanced down at the stubs that were my fingernails, painted black, and had the urge to hide my hands behind my back. And then a flicker of anger sparked inside me, setting me ablaze. My inner banshee chimed in. _What the fuck is wrong with you? Pick up your fucking head and hold it high. It's _you_ that holds Edward's heart—not her. He loves us. Not her._

"Well, Tanya, didn't anyone ever tell you it's in poor taste to invite yourself into someone else's bedroom?"

"It's never been a problem in the past."

"Edward is no longer yours."

Tanya's cool façade showed signs of faltering, and the warmth of satisfaction bloomed in my chest.

We were interrupted by Emmett bounding through the door, his normally humor-filled eyes wary. "Tanya, what the fuck are you doing here? Thought you went back to Alaska." His gaze flicked between the two of us as if wondering which one was more likely to cause a problem.

"I had some unfinished business. When I heard Eddie was coming home, I wanted to see him."

"His name is _Edward_." I glared at her for a moment before looking over at Emmett. "Emmett, leave us please."

"Oh, I don't think that's such a good idea, Iz." His booming laugh filled the room.

"I'm not asking."

"Why don't we wait until the rest of the family comes back from hunting?"

_~FLEX~_ My mind involuntarily engaged my gift, and Emmett was slowly pressed back toward the door. His eyes grew wide, but they were also filled with excitement. He'd been begging me to use my power on him for weeks.

"Okay, Iz. You can take care of yourself." Emmett grinned at me before turning to point a finger at Tanya. "You . . . I'd start running for the hills, if I was you."

"And why's that?" Tanya placed a hand on one of her perfectly curved hips, allowing her annoyance to show.

Emmett simply shook his head and backed out of the room, shutting the door behind him and muttering, "It's your funeral."

Taking the opportunity to make a move while Tanya was unbalanced, I moved in closer, leaving her nowhere to go without either coming face to face with me or going back out the way she'd entered.

"What are you doing here, Tanya? You obviously knew Edward wasn't here." I cocked a hip, balling my fist against it.

"You caught me. Honestly? I wanted to see what all the fuss was about, and I knew Edward wouldn't let me within a hundred miles of you. So protective." She rolled her eyes.

"Was he protective of you, too?" I asked with some measure of sarcasm.

She lowered her eyes to the floor, and I'm pretty sure her face would have turned red if she still had blood flowing through her veins. "No, he wasn't," she answered softly, a hint of melancholy to her tone before her eyes met mine coldly. "Then again, I'm far older and stronger than Edward. It would be more likely me protecting him."

"How old are you?" My curiosity got the best of me.

"One thousand and three."

"Wow! Talk about being a cougar."

"Cougar?" Tanya tilted her head, a questioning in her expression.

I rolled my eyes. What was it about vampires not knowing modern terminology? "You're a bit _old_ for Edward, yeah?"

"You're a bit young, human, and _fragile_ for Edward, yeah?" she snapped back.

A predatory smile spread across my face; I was getting to this bitch. She might be beautiful, but Edward didn't belong to her and never would.

"Edward is mine."

"Well, of course he is! You're mates." She waved her hand in irritation. "Although, for the life of me, I can't understand how a vampire as beautiful as Edward could mate with a mere human—a crude one as obviously screwed up as you." Tanya's face was pinched, like she'd been sucking on a lemon.

"A little bitter, Tanya?"

"Why should I be bitter?"

"Because Edward dumped your old ass." I smiled spitefully.

Tanya narrowed her eyes at me, and her fingers twitched halfway into claws. She shuddered and opened her hands again, holding them tightly against her sides. "You need a lesson in manners. I can't believe Edward has to be saddled with such a classless human."

"'Has to be'?" I laughed shortly. "Nobody forced him. Edward loves me, and I love him."

"Well, it's not as if either of you have a choice. After all, a mate bond is a mate bond is a mate bond."

An unpleasant tingling began to prickle over my scalp, slowly spreading through my body. My arms and legs felt weak, although Tanya gave no indication of noticing. _Mate bond?_ No choice? Edward _had_ to love me and I _had_ to love him?

"Yeah, what's that all about anyway?" I laughed, the sound hollow.

"I've never mated, so I don't know for sure. I mean, it only happens once over a vampire's existence. It seems to be some kind of chemical process, like pheromones. You know—similar to animals in the wild."

"You've never mated in over a thousand years?" I asked incredulously.

"Well, I've loved. And I've had _lots_ of sex. I certainly haven't been _saving_ myself for my mate like Edward did. Surely it must have been difficult for Edward to quell his animal urges when he found you. I mean, he _finally_ finds his mate and has to go easy because she's a _human_. What a twist of irony. I'll bet money _you_ weren't a virgin. How did Edward feel about that anyway?"

"Virgin?" I echoed.

"Didn't Edward tell you about us?"

Not about to admit Edward had only mentioned Tanya in passing, I nodded, lifting my chin defiantly. "We share everything."

"Well, then I'm sure you know we never worked because Edward couldn't let go of the idea of saving himself for his mate. The only hundred year old virgin _I've_ ever met."

Edward was a virgin when we met? Edward mated with me and had no choice but to want me? Since I was human, did I have the choice whether or not I loved him? I couldn't accept that my love for Edward was simply some chemicals—like being drugged.

My insides turned to stone. Edward lied to me. I'd asked him how many lovers he'd had, and he'd always managed to neatly avoid answering. Rage smoldered inside me like a bed of hot coals, and there was a rushing in my ears.

"Get out!" I yelled at Tanya.

"What?"

"You heard me. Get the fuck out!"

"Or what?" she sneered.

"You _don't_ want to fuck with me."

"You seem to forget who the fragile human is here. I could snap you like a twig." Her beautiful face morphed into an ugly, snarling creature. She hissed at me, her eyes turning dark.

I moved in closer, my veins burning as if they were filled with acid. My heart started pounding, and my breathing was labored. In the distance, I heard Emmett at the door calling my name over the rushing in my ears.

_~FLEX~_

"Snap this, bitch!"

Centering all my anger on Ms. Perfect, I imagined kicking her in the stomach. Tanya went flying back through the window, glass exploding around her. There was a muffled boom as she landed in the yard and a horrid scraping sound as she continued rutting across the ground and into the trees beyond. Stalking forward, I moved into the window in time to see several trees felled.

And him.

Edward.

Looking up at the window in shock, his face flushed from the hunt.

"Izzy, you're bleeding." His beautiful, anguished voice reached me just as I felt the trickle of blood from my nose roll over my lip.

I flicked my tongue out, tasting the coppery warmth of my own blood. It was nothing compared to the tempest that was beginning to rise up inside me.

"Yes, I am." _Not just from my nose. I'm bleeding internally, completely shattered by your lies._

"No." Edward shook his head.

I turned away from the window, unable to stand the sight of my vampire lover, who had broken my heart into a million tiny pieces—pieces which felt like ground glass embedding in my heart with each beat, with each breath.

**~*IWIPB*~**

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**A/N: Talk to me, peeps! Yeah, so . . . there's a lot of drama afoot—I just wouldn't be me if there wasn't. It's going to get much worse before it gets better. I'm asking for your trust because I think it will be easy to lose faith over the next couple of chapters. Many thanks to those of you who are still with me.**

**The next chapter, all EPOV, is already mostly written and should be out within the next week or two.**

**If my stories should disappear, they will be on my blog. I've also joined the new site where many authors are heading in droves as they leave FFn in the dust. An Archive of Our Own: archiveofourown .org users / SaritaDreaming**

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	20. Chapter 19 Roman Candle

**A/N: Welcome back, guys! Tissue alert for this chapter. Please read with an _open mind_ and read my note at the bottom before contacting me. Strap it on, kiddies!**

**As always, thanks go to my lovely prereaders, Keye and Sandy, who had their eyes covered until they realized they couldn't read the chapter that way.**

**Eternal gratitude to my awesome betas, wmr1601, Katmom, and Sue (chayasara), for wielding those sparkly reds so expertly. They save me often.**

* * *

**Chapter 19**

**~Roman Candle~**

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**Suggested listening:**

**_Don't Speak_ ~ No Doubt**

**_Our memories  
Well, they can be inviting  
But some are altogether  
Mighty frightening  
As we die, both you and I  
With my head in my hands  
I sit and cry_**

_**Don't speak**_  
_**I know just what you're saying**_  
_**So please stop explaining**_  
_**Don't tell me cause it hurts**_

* * *

**~*Edward*~**

Moving silently through the trees, I stalked a mountain lion—my third one. As I drew up close behind, she turned and hissed at me. Something in her eyes, something about her stance, reminded me of Izzy. I let her go.

Could vampires lose their appetite? I had no desire to stalk another animal. I wanted nothing more than to be back home in Izzy's arms, in our bed.

I raced up the side of a mountain peak and crouched there, looking out at the view of rocks, streams, and trees for miles around. It was peaceful here, yet my insides churned. I half expected James and a merry band of vampires to attack us, but even he wasn't that stupid. There were no unfamiliar minds to monitor for miles around, which just offered my own thoughts the opportunity to nail me to the wall.

Jasper was somewhere nearby, and I could feel and hear his curiosity. _What's eating you, Edward?_

I didn't answer him. My mind drifted back to the scene at the house before we left to go hunting, the way I'd pulled Izzy up against me and kissed her so possessively and her willing response. It had been a while since the need for me to go Dom on her had arisen, but part of me really enjoyed those moments. The more she healed, the closer she came to becoming whole, the less she needed a Dom. Perhaps someday she'd be willing to . . . play for the sake of playing.

This train of thought led me back to the confessions I needed to make to her, and guilt moved through me like sludge.

The sound of Jasper's footfalls interrupted my self-examination, and I glanced over as he took a seat next to me.

"You're all over the map, bro. You've gone from angry to horny to contemplative to guilty and back again. What's up with you?"

"I'm thinking about Izzy."

"Well, that explains everything then." Jasper smirked, punching me in the arm. "Seriously, though, what's up? I can't enjoy hunting because I'm crippled by all the shit you're throwing off—the least you can do is fill me in. Maybe I can help?"

"What it boils down to is . . . telling Izzy the truth. About me. About my relationship with her . . . and lack of one with any other females in the past. I haven't told her we're mates or that I was a virgin when we met." My jaw tightened, the words hard to expel, and shame flowed through me.

"Why not?" Jasper looked back at me without judgment.

"In the beginning, I was certain she would run. As she started to get stronger and we drew closer, I just kept putting it off. I've been waiting until she heals, becomes that girl she saw in the mirror when she was in a coma. I just realized when this whole crisis came up that she _is_ strong, and I need to be honest with her."

Jasper smiled faintly. "Edward, have you considered that you might be holding up her healing by keeping this from her?"

"No."

"If you think a part of her doesn't sense this, you're mistaken. You are the catalyst. You've given Izzy reason to change, to try to heal and become someone she can be proud of. She looks to you for cues, though. The things you've held back are keeping her from moving forward in certain areas."

Jasper's words hit hard, and deep down I knew he was right. I kept thinking I knew best, assuming Izzy wasn't ready to hear the truth. In reality, maybe I wasn't ready to tell her the truth, wasn't giving her enough credit.

"You think telling her the truth will give her permission to finish the healing process?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"My intention is to tell her as soon as our hunting trips are over and we're all together and safe."

He nods. "That sounds like a fine idea, Edward. She's an amazing woman with the capacity for much love and understanding."

A slow smile spreads across my face. "She is, isn't she?"

"Stronger than most, and you'd do well to remember that."

"Thanks, Jasper."

We embraced, patted each other on the back and then raced down the mountain into the valley to join the rest of the family for the trip home.

Alice had been pouting since we left the house because the presence of the wolves prevented her from seeing Izzy. We'd decided it was an acceptable risk since there were so many of them watching over our property.

We always got down to business while hunting, but we usually had a lot of fun on the way there and back. Not today. Even though Riley wasn't a part of our coven, his death was a clear warning that anyone who helped keep Izzy from James was a target. James had to know we'd never back away from a challenge—it wasn't the way of vampires—but that meant he wasn't going to back down, either. It will be a fight to the death.

"Has everyone had their fill? We might not be able to hunt regularly for a while." Carlisle looked around the group.

"I'm positively sloshing," Rosalie announced.

Everyone else readily agreed they could go quite a while without hunting again.

"Good. Since only Esme and Emmett still need to hunt, we can stay closer for the next shift."

We ran together through the valleys leading back to the woods that led home. Even though I could run much faster than the rest of them, I kept pace with my family—no reason to take a chance and slack off on precautions.

I had one goal: to get back to Izzy and take her in my arms again. I couldn't wait to lie next to her in our bed and make love to her then watch over her as she slept.

As we reached the border of our land, I first honed in on Emmett, because it was easier to pick up on familiar thoughts than foreign ones.

_Oh, fuckity, fuck, fuck. Edward is going to shit when he finds out. _He paced in front of my bedroom door, the hall outside and the closed door all that was in his line of vision. _This is so bad. How did she slip past Alice? Oh, that's right—the dogs. Why is Tanya such a bitch?_

I nearly stumbled over my own feet when I heard Tanya's name, and I pulled ahead from the rest of my family as a horrible feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. Tanya? In my bedroom? Before I had a chance to allow my imagination to run wild with that, two voices came into range, and the true nightmare began.

"Get out!" Izzy's voice was filled with rage.

"What?" Surprise was evident in Tanya's voice. She clearly had no idea what Izzy was made of. A touch of pride filled me, even though I knew I was in deep shit.

"You heard me. _Get out_!"

"Or what?"

"You _don't_ want to fuck with me."

"You seem to forget who the fragile human is here. I could snap you like a twig." Tanya's self-righteous tone rang out just as I arrived in the yard.

There was a slight pause, and at that moment I knew Izzy was gearing up to use her power. Before I could open my mouth to call out to her, it happened.

"Snap this, bitch!"

Glass exploded, shards flying far and wide, as Tanya was blown through the bedroom window. I'd never seen Izzy use her power with such force. Not only was Tanya ejected from the window, she hit the ground sliding and took out several trees that lined the border of our property. Izzy appeared in the window frame, her hair blowing wildly around her pale face. She looked fierce, a force to be reckoned with, and I stared up at her in awe.

Then a trickle of blood rolled out from one nostril. Her eyes met mine—eyes filled with rage and disappointment and pain.

"Izzy, you're bleeding."

"Yes, I am," she stated matter-of-factly.

And then her mind opened, and I heard her thoughts.

_Not just from my nose. I'm bleeding internally, completely shattered by your lies._

"No." I shook my head. This couldn't be happening. Not when I was ready to come clean on my own.

Izzy turned away from the window, disappearing into our bedroom.

I wasn't aware of anything around me: not Tanya, not my family, not the wolves. My only focus was on Izzy who let out a wrenching scream of pain.

"Izzy!" I cried out, already knowing she'd never return to the window.

"Edward, don't." Alice was beside me, holding my arm.

"What do you see?" My eyes were wild, and I grabbed her hard. "Tell me!"

"Nothing. I see nothing." Alice shook her head sadly.

"It's the wolves."

"No, this is different. Edward, I'm afraid."

Shoving her away from me, I turned to face the house. Jasper was on his knees in the grass grasping his head in his hands. He rocked back and forth, groaning softly.

Before I had the chance to think it through, my foot touched down on the sill, bits of glass crunching beneath my shoe. I took in the room; the only evidence that anything had gone wrong was the frame where I perched. It all looked the same. It could have been any day at all.

Izzy stood on the other side of the bed facing the charcoal drawing that hung on the wall. She was very still, the only indicator of her distress the heaving of her ribs as her breaths came harshly. I could smell the blood, but it was clotting. It seemed practicing with her gift was beginning to pay off.

"Izzy . . ." I whispered.

She held up one hand. "Say nothing." The coldness in her voice had me obeying her. She'd never spoken to me quite that way.

A bang sounded on the door. "C'mon, Iz! Open up!"

"Go away, Emmett. In fact, everyone needs to keep their distance for a while." Her voice lowered to a near-whisper, but it was the way she spoke that had Emmett quickly agreeing.

I heard the sounds of everyone assembling and moving a fair distance away from the house while still close enough to protect us should James show up. Tanya's screeches could be heard all around until Rosalie snapped, "Shut the fuck up! Haven't you done enough?"

"_Me_?"

"Just be quiet, or I'll silence you myself! I've always hated your pathetic simpering after Edward."

If the situation wasn't so dire, I might have laughed. But I stood stock-still and waited.

Izzy traced her finger over the charcoal, outlining the angel wings that cocooned her naked form, then she dropped her head down and drew in a ragged breath. God, how I wanted to read her mind right then.

Alice's words came to mind, "Nothing! I see nothing." But what did that mean?

All these months, I'd tried to protect Izzy, to be what she needed. Had I gone too far with this? Surely hearing it from Tanya had dealt a heavy blow. But how much had Tanya told her? I would beg on my knees, do anything, to convince her to forgive me.

I waited for the inevitable questions and accusations.

They never came.

Izzy pressed her forehead against the wall and stayed there until her breathing was under control, and then she turned slowly until our eyes met. She was so damn beautiful, and I'd never felt further away from her.

Her eyes gave away nothing. They were flat and dark. Her red lips parted to take a breath.

"Come here." It was a command, delivered in a soft whisper.

I walked to her at a slower than human pace, watching her eyes for a sign, an emotion—anything. I received nothing.

I stopped a foot away, yearning to take her in my arms and make this go away.

"Closer."

Moving as close as possible without touching, I waited. The connection between us began to thrum and vibrate the air between us just as it always did.

She stepped in against me, wrapping her arms around my neck and going up on tiptoe to bring her lips next to my ear. "Edward, what would you do for me?"

"Anything," I answered without thought.

"I need . . ." She faltered for a moment. "I need you inside me. Right now."

"But we need to talk—"

Stepping back, she reached under her skirt and tore her thong off, flinging it to the floor. She grabbed my belt buckle and looked up at me with the first sign of emotion I'd received from her so far. Her expression was hard and defiant.

"You're going to fuck me up against this wall, Edward."

Her fingers deftly unzipped my pants, releasing my cock, which stood at attention. She owned me, body and soul.

"This feels wrong."

"Shh . . ." Her warm lips moved slowly up the side of my neck, nibbled softly across my jaw, and pressed against mine. "Do as I say. Please . . . for me," she whispered against my lips.

My hands went around her waist, one palm flattening against her low back, crushing her to me. "Anything for you. You have to know that."

But her mouth was already hungrily devouring mine, her tongue flicking across the seam of my lips, enticing me to taste her. She curled the fingers of both hands into the hair at the nape of my neck as our kiss deepened, and I lifted her by the back of her thighs, raking her skirt up over her hips. I pressed her to the wall and pulled back from our kiss. Her eyes were closed tight; I would receive no hints there.

"Are you sure?"

Izzy nodded her head once, sharply, and her fingers clawed at me. Her chest heaved, her low cut shirt showing off the tops of her breasts, creamy white contrasting against black. Deep inside me, I knew this wasn't the answer, but I was at war with myself. This is what Izzy wanted, what I wanted, too, if I was honest with myself. I wanted to love this away, show her with my body how much she meant to me.

Lining myself up, I entered her slowly. The intense heat of her wrapped around me, sending electric tingles through my entire body.

"Fuck me hard."

Her words should have set warning bells off, but instead they incited the animal inside me.

"Hold on to me."

I gripped her ass in my hands to steady her, and then I thrust into her hard.

Again.

And again.

Izzy bit into her lip, breaking skin, then kissed me, allowing her blood to mingle between our mouths. Our tongues tangled together, sharing precious droplets of her essence as I circled my hips, slamming into her over and over.

She tilted her head back, mouth slightly open. "Fuck, yeah." She thrust back against me, her heart beating faster, her breath huffing between her lips. "Yes, yes, take me there . . ." she chanted softly.

Letting go of her ass, I leaned my elbows against the wall to either side of her head, holding her body in place with my pistoning hips. I rested my forehead against hers and looked into her eyes, which were finally open. Her pupils were dilated with desire, but a steely determination resided there, too.

I grabbed her chin in my hand, crushing our lips together, my tongue seeking out hers. She kissed me back with abandon, her arms tightening around my neck. A few thrusts later, she threw her head back. "Ungh . . ." The sound of her and the feel of her sex clamping down sent me sailing over the edge with her.

I held her up against the wall as she rode out her orgasm, enjoying the feel of her aftershocks surrounding and milking my cock. When her breathing started to slow, I spun us away from the wall and put her down on her feet with my hands at her waist.

Izzy stepped out of my reach, her eyes shining with tears. She took in a deep breath, nodding her head as if to harden her resolve. I supposed she was about to let me have it, that we had the make-up sex before the big showdown.

How wrong I was.

"It's over."

I shook my head, confused. "Over? You blasted Tanya out the window and into the woods."

"Which she so richly deserved."

"Don't you think we should talk about it?" I reached out to touch her face, but she stepped back, her jaw set.

"I said, it's over." Izzy pointed between the two of us. "_We're_ over."

"What? But we just—"

"Fucked, Edward. It was a goodbye fuck, for me to remember you by."

"No!" It felt like my sanity was crumbling to dust. Surely she couldn't mean it? She wouldn't end things without giving me a chance to explain. "We haven't even discussed this!"

"All right." She crossed her arms and cocked her hip, leveling me with her bitchiest look. "Did you or did you not keep from me that you were a virgin when we met? And did you also fail to mention that I'm your mate?"

"I—you weren't ready to hear it! I was going to tell you—"

"When you thought I could handle it? Next year, maybe? Never if you could get away with it?" She started pacing back and forth. "How about after you changed me? Would I be ready then, Edward?"

"I'm sorry you had to hear it like this."

"I'm sorry, too. Sorry you didn't have the nads to tell me the truth. Haven't I been completely fucking honest with you? I freely admitted how fucked up I was, showed you my every flaw. I opened my _heart_ to you! And you lied to me." Her voice was hoarse and rough and beautiful.

"I never lied to you . . ." I shook my head. "Please, Izzy."

"A lie of omission is still a lie. Purposely keeping back information you knew would freak me out is dishonest. And the trip to Rio—what was that? A ruse to try to keep me from meeting Tanya?"

I hung my head and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Yes. I didn't want you to meet Tanya before I had a chance to tell you the truth."

"You had many chances to come clean, Edward! Fuck, I've spent every day of the past few months with you. What hurts the most is the way I bared myself to you, while all the time you were deceiving me and hiding beneath your self-righteous bullshit. You didn't tell me because you're a fucking coward!"

"Give me a chance to explain." I extended my hand toward her, my fingers reaching, begging, but there was a mulish set to her jaw.

"No. The time for that has passed. We're finished, boyscout." She dug her phone from her handbag which rested on the bench at the foot of the bed and sent a text. "I'll send someone for my things later."

Her words and her nickname for me—which I obviously didn't deserve—cut into me. We couldn't be finished; she was my mate, and I would love her for eternity.

"No, I won't let you do this!" I was on her in a second flat, her eyes widening with surprise when my arms crushed her to me. "I know I messed up, but I did it for you. Everything I do is for you." I whispered into her hair, inhaling her scent. I pressed my cheek to hers.

"You won't let me? You did this for me? Are you hearing yourself?" Her body remained stiff in my arms; she hadn't thawed at all.

"Izzy, you're the love of my existence. I can't be without you. Life would have no meaning."

"Well, you should have thought of that before you lied. Let me go."

"Never."

A knock sounded on the door. "Hey, Iz . . . . um, Jacob's here for you."

"Thanks, Emmett."

"Jacob?" I gaped at her.

"He's my ride."

"The fuck he is!" I roared. Moving far enough away so I was towering over her, I allowed my possessive side to fully engage. "You are _my_ mate. Your place is with me."

Izzy struggled a moment, glaring up at me. "Too bad it took you so fucking long to say it! Get off me."

"No, baby, please." My voice softened to a desperate plea. "Give us some time—we can work through this together." I kissed her neck, ghosting my lips over her soft skin, but she remained like a mannequin in my embrace.

The hair on my arms and the nape of my neck stood on end, and just as I wondered what was causing this phenomenon—which shouldn't have been physiologically possible—an unseen force slammed into me, knocking me back several feet. When I stumbled forward and glanced back, the shape of my form was indented into the wall.

Izzy stood in the center of the room with tears streaming down her face. She hugged herself as if trying to keep her insides from spilling out. And then the sobs started. The deep down inconsolable sobs that are only produced by the truly aggrieved. She cried like a child who lost her favorite teddy bear or had her heart broken for the first time: openly, loudly, and with complete abandon.

"I gave you all of me, Edward! Nobody has ever been so far inside me."

I fell to my knees. "Please forgive me. I'll do anything."

"It's too late. Goodbye, Edward."

She turned away, stumbling for the door. I didn't immediately follow, afraid she'd use her power again and injure herself. When I heard her footfalls reach the bottom of the stairs, I leaped out my window and raced around to the front of the house.

Jacob was there, his arms around her as she sobbed into his chest. His chin rested on her head, and his eyes were sympathetic.

_What happened, Edward? Why is she so shattered?_

"Jacob, let's go. I need to get out of here—away from him."

"Izzy, don't do this!" I begged.

"It's already done." Her voice was toneless, devoid of emotion.

"Don't go."

She shook her head, refusing to look at me.

"I'm not giving up on you. There's nowhere in this world you can run that I won't find you."

"Actually, there is." Her voice was flat. "Take me home, Jacob."

_The Res!_

"No, no, no." I moaned low in my throat. "Please, not there."

Izzy shuffled listlessly over to Jacob's motorcycle and put a helmet on. Jacob shrugged his shoulders. _If it's not me, it'll be someone else she calls to get her. Give her some time, man._

I flashed over to her, but she held her hand up, and there was a solid wall between us—just like that time in Carlisle's office. I struggled to touch her to no avail. The center of my world was inches from me, and she may as well have been half a world away.

She sat astride Jacob's motorcycle, her short skirt just covering her bare ass. I knew she had no panties on because she'd just fucked me goodbye.

Jacob kicked the bike to life, and I went wild. Completely nuts. For all the good it did me trying to get around the rock solid wall Izzy had erected between us. I yelled, screamed, beat at the invisible barrier, and was finally slammed to the ground and held down by Emmett and Carlisle.

"Let her go, Son." Carlisle's voice was soft and sympathetic, but his hold on me was iron. "You'll only cause her to hurt herself right now. Time is what she needs."

"No, no. _Izzy_!"

Her arms went around Jacob's waist, and the love of my existence rode off into the waning light.

My family had to hold me down for hours, afraid I would simply run over the treaty line and get myself killed. They were probably right.

Tanya had the balls to come over to me, her turquoise high heels digging into the ground beside my face.

"Edward . . ." she began in that sickening drawl of hers.

"I may be shackled now, Tanya, but if Izzy doesn't come back to me, I'm going to kill you."

"Edward, in time you'll see this is for the best." _Maybe you'll even come around and realize how good we could be together._

"Fuck! Stop it, Tanya! I don't want you. I've never wanted you. If you were the last female _anything_ on this earth, it still wouldn't happen. Go back to Alaska, count your days, and pray that Izzy takes me back."

I don't remember much—apart from Emmett and Carlisle on my back and legs and Jasper kneeling uselessly on the ground. Jasper couldn't help them hold me down; he could barely unfold his tall frame to hug Alice, who was also grieving over my loss.

For the first time since I was turned, I was able to tune out the minds around me. Had such a weighty loss turned me so far inward, going beyond even the capabilities of my vampire mind? Perhaps this is what others had spoken of, how a vampire sometimes went insane when their mate perished. My mate was very much alive, but her rejection might send me spiraling into the depths of insanity. I both feared and welcomed it.

**~*IWIPB*~**

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**BAA/N: Many of you are going to cry fowl and tell me Izzy shouldn't be so angry over what Edward did or that the way she reacted was OOC. Not true. It's essential to remember that Izzy has only been evolving under Edward's gentle wing for several months. If you need a reminder how fucked up Izzy is, go back and read the first few chapters. She's always said that truth matters to her above all else. She feels betrayed and grief stricken. To her, this IS a big deal, even though to an average person it might not be. Be angry with me if you must, but please don't flame. I know my broken girl better than anyone.**

**There will be high angst over the next few chapters. Chapter 20 is nearly finished and should post in two weeks. I promise not to leave you hanging for long with this new level of angst. Things are going to get dicey and ugly, but I promise it will eventually get better. *zips lips***

**Thanks to those of you who always support me, believe in me, and stick with me. You're truly all irreplaceable treasures.**

**Follow me on Twitter: SaritaDreaming or SarahAisling**

**Facebook: SarahAislingAuthor**

**Blog: SaritaDreaming . wordpress .com**

**An Archive of Our Own: archiveofourown .org users / SaritaDreaming**


	21. Chapter 20 Breathing Through Glass

**A/N: Hey, everybody! We continue the tissue alert. Most of you have been kind to me through the breakup, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.**

**A chance to comfort Edward goes to my awesome prereaders, Keye and Sandy. These ladies are beyond compare.**

**Huge thanks to my awesome betas, Katmom and Sue (chayasara), for wielding their sparkly reds. Their help is invaluable. Mwah!**

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**Chapter 20**

**~Breathing Through Glass~**

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**Songlist:**

**Never Learned to Lie ~ Hana Pestle**

**These Two Hands ~ Hana Pestle**

**He Won't Go ~ Adele**

**A Message ~ Coldplay**

_**I heard his voice today  
I didn't know a single word he said  
Not one resemblance to the man I met  
Just a vacant broken boy instead **_

_**~ Adele**_

**~*Jacob*~**

As I gunned my bike and raced up the Cullens' drive, I could feel Izzy trembling against me. A few times, I feared she would fall off the back; her hold on me was that loose—or maybe she was just that weak after using her power against Edward.

My mind churned, trying to make sense of the scene I'd just witnessed. What I did know was that Izzy loved Edward with her entire being. She was his mate, and I knew it must be like the fiery pits of hell had opened inside him, watching the woman he loved more than anything ride away into the sunset on the back of another man's motorcycle.

Like any good wolf, I hate vampires and loved nothing more than to watch them suffer, but I didn't feel that way about Edward or the rest of the Cullens anymore. They were different, and they had all taken broken, bitchy, fucked-up Izzy and loved her until she was nearly whole again. None of us on the Res had been able to do that for her. Not my dad's guidance, my friendship, or Paul's love. Edward had gotten through to her, changed her for the better.

Izzy was an impulsive girl. Hopefully, whatever this was between her and Edward would blow over.

It was nearly dark when I pulled onto the Res. I turned toward my house, but Izzy squeezed me tight, pointing away from our neighborhood toward the cabin out in the woods. It was a good a place as any to talk.

Ten minutes later, we pulled up in front of the cabin and I cut the engine. Izzy climbed off my bike and unbuckled her helmet, handing it to me. Her shoulders were slumped as she turned her back on me and clambered onto the front porch, shouldering open the door.

We never bothered keeping the cabin locked; it was there for whoever needed to use it. Sometimes one of the guys would stay here when he first started phasing; some brought their girls here for a little skin-on-skin, or we might get drunk and rowdy then crash on the floor together. We had a leather tie that served as a "Do Not Disturb" sign; if that was hanging on the doorknob, it was a clear message not to intrude unless you were looking to get pummeled.

After stowing the helmets, I followed her inside, hanging the leather tie out before closing and locking the door. If anyone happened by they would think I was here with Angela. Speaking of my imprint, I was supposed to see her tonight.

Izzy sat on the couch and pulled a blanket over her shaking frame. She looked like a lost waif enshrouded in the fuzzy Aztec print.

"Fire?" I questioned, and she inclined her head listlessly.

The cabin was always kept stocked with firewood. Whoever used it was responsible for refilling, or cutting and stacking, if the supply was low. I tossed several logs in the fireplace and lit it.

"I have to make a call. I'll be right back."

She stared into the burgeoning flames without responding.

Out on the porch I paced back and forth, wondering how much to tell Angela. Hell, I really didn't _know_ anything. During the Cullens' hunting trip, I was patrolling in human form. Since Edward wasn't in residence, they needed someone to liaison. I'd received Izzy's text while I was taking a leak in the woods. Her message was short and to the point.

_I'm coming to live on the Res. Get your bike ready._

I barely had time to pick my jaw up off the ground before all hell broke loose. Everything seemed to happen at once: raised voices, shattering glass, the skanky Tanya flying into the trees not a hundred feet from me and knocking over the tree I'd just pissed on, and the remaining Cullens filing out of the house to inform everyone to stay away while Edward and Izzy talked. They were in there for quite a while before the next text came.

_Now._

I'd hightailed it to the front of the house. Emmett happened to be the one closest, so I'd asked him to get Izzy for me.

Beyond that, I had no fucking clue what was happening—although I suspected it had something to do with the blonde bloodsucker that took out the trees with her not-so-graceful slide, compliments of Izzy. The sight of Tanya, wide-eyed and surprised, caused a smirk to form on my lips. Somehow, I thought she had it coming.

Eager to get back inside, I dialed Angela's number.

"Hello?" Her soft voice calmed me even over the phone.

"Hey, baby. Listen, there's a problem I have to take care of. I can't see you tonight."

"At all?"

"No."

"What's going on, honey?"

"Izzy broke it off with Edward. She's in the cabin right now, and I have no fucking clue what happened. I just know they're both hurting pretty bad."

"Oh, no! But he loves her so much! I thought they were mates."

"They are. I don't know if her being human makes it mutual or not."

"Well, I'm not Quileute . . . yet I felt drawn to you the first time I saw you. A soul mate is a soul mate, right?"

"Yeah, probably. This is such a clusterfuck. I'll call you, okay?"

"Jacob? I love you. Tell Izzy I'm sorry, and she can call me if she needs girl talk."

"I love you, baby." I smiled. My angel. The mere thought of her rejecting me made my chest clench, and I couldn't fathom the unimaginable pain Edward must be in.

When I pushed the door open, Izzy was still sitting in the same position as when I'd left. She huddled in the blanket, looking very small and frail, yet the set of her jaw exuded determination. Her eyes were glassy and empty, the flames highlighting the deadness there rather than the warmth that should have been reflected.

I grabbed two bottles of beer from the fridge, popping the top on mine and setting the other on the coffee table in case she wanted it. Then I sat down, propped my feet up, and waited, knowing she would speak in her own time.

I was on my third beer, well on the way to getting a buzz, when she finally spoke.

"He lied to me." Izzy's voice was low and raspy.

"What about?"

"Our whole relationship." Her unemotional monotone concerned me. Fire-breathing Izzy I understood, but not this vacant shell.

"What lie?"

"Oh, not just one lie, Jake." She leaned forward, snatching the beer off the coffee table.

"Let me get you a fresh one," I offered, taking the condensation covered bottle out of her hand.

I put the beer back in the fridge and grabbed an icy cold one, popping the top off. Izzy tipped her head back, guzzling half the beer before she winced. "Shit—brain freeze." She pressed a hand to her forehead and rubbed.

"Okay, so lay it on me." I sat back down, slapping my hands against my thighs. This was sure to be a doozy.

"He neatly sidestepped the issue when I asked about his ex, Tanya. In fact, he managed to avoid talking about his love life at all."

"So? Everybody comes with baggage—God knows you sure did. Did he have more partners than you or something?" I popped the top off my fourth beer and took a long drink.

Izzy shot me a dark look and gulped down more of her beer before answering. "No, actually, Edward had _no_ sexual history. He was a virgin when we met."

I choked, spraying beer into the air and dousing the coffee table. A fine sheen of droplets landed on Izzy, and she yelped in disgust, scootching down the couch away from me. "Fuck, Jake!"

"Sorry, did you just say Cullen was a _virgin_?"

"Yep." She finished off her beer and slammed the bottle down on the table. "Another."

"Sure, since you asked so nicely and all," I muttered. I grabbed two more beers and a sheaf of paper towels to clean up the mess. "So, you're pissed because Edward was a sexual newb?"

"No." Her look was scathing. "I'm pissed because he didn't tell me. He didn't directly lie, but when I asked about his past, he danced around the issue. I never would have slept with him that first time if I'd known." She pulled a rumpled pack of cigarettes out of her bag, lighting one with shaking hands. Inhaling deeply, she held the smoke in her lungs for a while before exhaling long and slow. "You have anything stronger lying around?"

I laughed. "No. With our metabolism? We can't get high."

"Well, that sucks balls. No peace pipe, huh? Let me make a call . . ." She dug around in her bag, but I put my hand over hers.

"How about you don't. The beer and cigs should be enough for now, okay? Keep talking. Tell me what happened."

"You're so fucking bossy, Jake. What, are you a shrink now?"

"I'm your oldest and dearest friend. Talk. Or do I have to truss you up like a turkey?"

Izzy laughed humorlessly and leveled a look at me. "I'd like to see you try." She shook her head, a slight smile still tugging up the corners of her mouth. "Okay, I'm going to give you the digest version because I don't want to keep on with this. Edward failed to tell me he was a virgin despite the fact I questioned him several times about his sexual history. He did mention there was an 'issue' that caused the breakup with Tanya, but he only said that he 'couldn't do what she wanted.' I mean, why not just fucking _say_ he was a virgin? He also didn't tell me I was his mate. It's a big deal to me. Something I had every right to know."

"He didn't?" I burst out, then wished I could slap a hand over my big mouth.

Izzy missed nothing, though, and I swear I saw sparks shooting from her narrowed eyes. "You knew."

"Shit, Izzy, anyone with eyes knows. That day outside the school? It was so blatantly obvious."

"That's why you backed off. I feel like such an asshole. And Paul? Does he know, too?" She dropped her head down, leaving me unable to see her expression.

"Yeah. Don't tell me all of those bloodsuckers don't know, too! Why do you think James is so wild over you? At first, you were probably just an amusement, but knowing you are another vampire's mate raises the stakes so much higher—makes it more exciting for him."

"Fuck me." She finished off her cigarette in one long pull, stubbed it out in the ashtray, and then lit another. "And the fucking cherry on top was our trip to Rio. Edward took me away on vacation to keep me from meeting Tanya. He knew she was coming and deliberately deceived me."

"Anything else?"

"That's it in a nutshell."

"Izzy, he did those things for you, to protect you."

She blew a plume of smoke and swiveled her head to glare at me. "What are you—a member of the Edward Cullen fanclub now?"

"Frankly, yes. He's good for you. You've changed so much since you met him. Have you forgotten how broken you were before? What you were like?" I slung an arm around her shoulders.

Her entire body stiffened and she lunged off the couch, the blanket puddling to the floor. She flicked her dying cigarette butt into the fire and stalked back and forth in front of the hearth.

"You . . ." She looked around like a caged animal seeking escape then halted, shaking her head hard. "You think I don't _know_ what he did for me? What he was to me? You think I don't know how different I am? But, fuck, Jake . . . he did the one thing I abhor most in the world. He lied. And it wasn't about something mundane, and it certainly wasn't innocent. Edward knew exactly what he was doing and why."

I stood up, grabbing her by the arms as she made another pass in front of the fire. Shaking her lightly to get her attention, I locked gazes with her. "He didn't do any of it for personal gain, did he? Did he do it to harm you? What the fuck do you want a man to do to be good enough for you?"

Izzy looked hurt, but her black lined eyes continued to meet mine. "No, of course he didn't do it for personal gain, and I know he'd never hurt me on purpose, Jake. It's not even a matter of being good enough, because God knows I've never felt like I deserved him." A tear rolled down her cheek, and I pulled her against my chest, stroking her hair. After a moment, she spoke into my shirt. "Edward knows that the one thing I can't condone is lying. As fucked up as I am, I've never lied to any of you. Truth is the one thing I've always clung to, and he knew that."

"Oh, Izzy. Is there something inside you that just doesn't want happiness? Because Edward is it, you know. He's your happy ending."

"Not anymore. How can I ever trust him when he didn't trust me? I laid myself bare in front of him, and he kept shit from me—important shit."

A loud bang sounded on the door. "Izzy!"

"Shit, it's Paul," I muttered.

"What the hell is going on? Open this fucking door before I bust it down!" A low kick sounded against the heavy wooden door.

"You want me to get rid of him, Izzy?"

"I heard that, asshole! Let me in, Jake!"

Izzy shook her head. "May as well get this over with now."

When I opened the door, I placed my palm in the center of Paul's chest and pushed hard. As expected, this only served to hold his testosterone-filled ass in place. "Paul, now is not the time to act like . . . well, you. Go easy, okay?"

Paul's nostrils flared, his breath coming in short, strong huffs. He nodded sharply. "'Kay."

"So help me, I'll make your life miserable if you make this any worse." My voice was low and threatening.

"Let me see her."

For better or worse, I switched places with Paul, allowing him to enter the cabin as he slammed and locked the door in my face.

Much to my surprise, it was pretty quiet in there. Maybe he was what Izzy needed right now. Hell, he was no stranger to pain; he was still head over heels in love with her. Two broken, fucked up souls. I just prayed he wasn't stupid enough to try something with her.

My ruminations were disturbed by a commotion in the distance. Fearing the worst, I phased and headed out into the woods.

_He's fucking crazy! Stupid bloodsucker!_ Quil snarled.

_Aw, fuck! What do we do? Where the fuck is Sam? _Seth was frightened.

_Guys, guys! What's going on? Is it James?_ I broke in.

_That would be too easy. No, it's Cullen, and he's over the treaty line. What should we do? _

_Yeah, he's not stopping, Jake!_

_Fuck. Restrain him, but don't hurt him. I'm on my way._

Fuck me.

When I arrived at the treaty line, Seth and Quil were somewhat subduing Edward. Seth was across his legs, and Quil sat on his chest, roaring in his face every so often. For his part, Edward struggled, twisting and turning beneath my pack mates. He was spitting venom and snarling; under his breath, the mantra was "Izzy, Izzy, Izzy..."

I phased back into human form and crouched beside him. "Shit, man. Do you have a death wish?"

Edward's eyes met mine. They were black as tar and crazy. And filled with suffering. "Please," he forced through gritted teeth, "I need her."

"She doesn't want to see you right now. Give her some time." I camouflaged my thoughts by thinking about cliff diving—the running, the leaping, the rush of hitting the ice cold water and then bobbing up to the surface.

"She's mine!" He growled and struggled. "Please. I can't live without her." The anguished whisper reached inside and tugged at the part of me that feared losing Angela. Any imprinted wolf could understand and dread what he was going through.

"For what it's worth, Cullen, I'm on your side. But you can't cross the treaty line again—"

"No, he can't." Sam sauntered over, his expression hard and unyielding. "One time fucking pass, Cullen. You come over my line again, and you're dead."

"Sam..." I stood and turned his way.

"No, Jacob. You protected him this time. I would have slashed his ass apart if I got here first. I'll let your order stand, but if he comes here again, kill him." Sam glared down at Edward. "Jacob, clean this up. We'll talk later." And then he phased, taking off into the woods.

What the hell was eating him? He knew the Cullens weren't bad as far as vampires went. It really didn't matter; Sam was Alpha, and his word was law. If Edward broke the treaty again, there was nothing I could do to save him.

"You hear that, Edward? I can't save your ass again. Stay on your side of the line."

Edward looked thoughtful for a moment then nodded. "Okay, I will."

"You promise you won't try anything when they let you up?"

"Scout's honor." His lips twisted in a pained grimace. "I will stay on our side of the treaty line."

"Quil, Seth, let him go."

Edward rose fluidly to his feet and sauntered back over the line where he proceeded to sit cross-legged.

"What are you doing?"

"Staying on my side of the line. Perfectly legal, yes?"

"Yeah..."

"I'm going to sit here until Izzy comes back to me."

"You're going to sit _there_?"

"Yes."

"Do you realize how crazy that is?"

"My only reason for existing is on your land, Jacob. I'll wait right here for as long as it takes."

"Edward... she's really pissed. It might be months—_years_—before she thaws out."

"I've got nothing but time."

"Okay, you crazy fuck. But don't even think about putting your toe over this line again. Got it?"

Edward simply closed his eyes. He looked like someone deep in meditation, calm and serene on the outside, but I knew deep down a painful storm was raging inside him.

I turned to face Quil and Seth, whose muzzles were slack. "Close your maws and get back to patrolling. You heard him—he's staying." My tone was harsher than necessary, but I sensed one big bloodsucking headache coming on.

_Crazy fucking vampire._

**~*Izzy*~**

I didn't know what to expect from Paul. Numbness had filled my body after listening to Jacob yammering about Edward, and I was scared I'd never feel anything again. My mind was a fog, all the thoughts crowded inside moving like sludge.

When the door slammed and locked, I glanced over at Paul. He was leaning with his back against the door, his bare chest heaving, nostrils flaring. His dark eyes roved over me. I expected to see triumph there, or at least a sense of satisfaction, but what I saw was sympathy.

"Oh, not you, too." I hung my head and swiveled to face the fireplace.

He strode across the room, inserting himself between the crackling flames and me. I didn't notice much difference in temperature; Paul's skin was radiating heat. He grabbed me and crushed me to him. I stiffened instinctively, nearly forcing him away with my power. It took a great deal of restraint to hold the urge back, knowing he would be burned by the flames if I did.

"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry," he whispered against my hair. "I never wanted this kind of pain for you."

"What do you know about my pain?" I spat angrily.

He laughed humorlessly. "Oh, more than you might think. Every day you're not mine has been agony for me. I pray every night that I'll imprint on someone."

"Paul..." I choked on his name, wanting to express that I never meant to hurt him but unable to in my current state.

"Shh... I wasn't saying it to lay blame. I just want you to know there's someone who can understand you. I'm on your side, Iz. Whatever that means."

His rigid and unwavering hold slowly broke down some of my defenses. It was exhausting being strong when all I wanted to do was fall to the floor in a heap. Deep inside me an avalanche started, rumbling loudly as shards of ice broke apart and shattered. Every breath was like pulling broken bits of ground glass into my nose, mouth, throat, lungs—and then blowing it back out again. I tasted blood in the back of my throat and knew I was bleeding internally.

"Shit, I'm bleeding," I whispered, sagging against Paul, allowing his strong arms to surround and shelter me. So unfair to allow him to comfort me over my vampire. No, not my vampire any more. My ex-vampire lover, whom I would never get over even if I had eternity to spend doing it. Edward was my one chance at love. _Pick up your pieces, beyotch! Lift your head._

"Where, baby?" Paul held me at arm's length, looking me over for damage. "I don't see any blood."

"In... me. Every breath is... agony. Like broken glass. And I taste the blood."

"I think a lot of that pain is because you're refusing your mate. I don't think you fully understand the ramifications of this."

Without Paul's arms wrapped around me, it felt as if I was being rolled in the pieces of glass, coated in them. I stumbled forward, throwing myself against his chest. "Hold me. Please." I sounded weak and pathetic to my own ears; I couldn't imagine what Paul must be thinking. "I'm... sorry. You shouldn't... have to... shoulder this."

"I'm here for you because I want to be. Whatever you need." His voice was hoarse, his hot breath searing my ear.

I was being consumed by his heat, wrapped in a cocoon of his warmth. And all I wanted was the coolness of Edward—his cool fingers, his cool breath, his steady golden gaze.

"No, no, no! Make it go away!" I cried out. "I don't want to desire him anymore. How do I make it stop?"

"You don't, baby. You don't." Paul's whisper was soft and sympathetic, the sound of someone intimately aware of just how hard the path I'd set out on could be. "You're always going to love him, want him... _need_ him. If you insist on doing this, the best you can hope for is to acclimate and get by. I'm so sorry."

"You mean... it's always going to feel... like breathing through glass?"

"To some extent, yes. Edward's your mate. To fight a connection like that is like ripping part of your own heart out—and his. Don't forget he's going to be feeling this, too."

Everything crashed down on me. All my defenses crumbled, and I sobbed my heart out. Paul lowered me to the floor as I curled inward on myself and rolled into a ball. His arms encircled me and he kept me from splintering into tiny bits that would never find their way back together. I don't know how long we sat on the hard wooden floor of the cabin that way, but my ass was numb and my legs had pins and needles.

Paul helped me over to the couch and held my hand silently until I was ready to talk.

Finally, I took a deep breath and launched into a blubbering tirade. "He lied to me! The only man I've ever loved. He kept things from me. All I ever asked was for the truth. Lying is my one hard limit. I'm a bitch and a harpy, a fucked up, drugged up, foul mouthed mess. I've done shit that probably has Charlie turning over in his grave. But I'm not a liar. I've never lied about who I am or what I have to offer."

"I hear you, baby. Let it out." He rocked me, but not with pity; he was giving me his strength.

"I warned Edward that I was fucked in the head. I never hid trysts with other guys from him, and when my guilt over them left me unable to allow another man to touch me, I shared that with him, too. He knew about the alcohol and drugs and how hard it was for me to admit I l-loved him. He led me to believe he'd had other partners before me."

"He lied about how many women he'd slept with?"

"He was a virgin when we met and never told me. When I asked about his sexual history, he just avoided the issue. He also never told me I was his m-mate."

"Anything else?"

"Yes, he took me to Rio because he didn't want me to meet Tanya."

"That's the ice-queen vamp that's been visiting the Cullens, right?"

"One and the same."

"Wow. That's a lot of deception."

"Thank you!" I said sarcastically. Paul was the first to address it without begging me to reconsider my decision. Restless, I lit a cigarette, leaping up from the couch to pace the floor. "I've got to get out of here—I need a fucking drink."

Paul rose from the couch. "Easy, girl. You don't need to go anywhere."

"Yes, I do! I need a drink... maybe something stronger. Don't try to stop me."

"I'm not." He strode over to the kitchenette, opening a cabinet and reaching for something on the top shelf. He pulled down a dusty bottle that was three-quarters full of amber liquid. "Here, baby."

"Oh... JD. Come to Izzy." I snatched the bottle out of Paul's hand like a wino on a cold winter's night.

"Glass?"

"Fuck, no." I uncapped the bottle and tipped it up to my lips. The warm bite of my favorite whiskey coated my aching throat and bloomed like fire in my belly. I gulped down a few more mouthfuls, feeling the familiar loosening of my joints as the alcohol took effect. After I finished my cigarette and consumed half of the Jack Daniels, I glanced over at Paul, who stood by the window looking out into the night. "I didn't know you guys drank Jack."

"We don't. Beer and hot dogs off the fork is more our speed, Iz." The muscles across his broad shoulders tensed and bunched as he turned to face me, his jaw set. "You don't remember?" he asked softly, his gaze dropping to the floor.

Memories of nights spent with Paul in this cabin slowly returned. One time in particular, we'd lain on a blanket beside the fire. The flames cast a golden glow over Paul's skin, his tribal tattoo standing out. I traced my finger over the intricate design on his arm. "This is such a cool tat. It looks random, but sometimes I can almost see wolves looking out at me from it."

"There _are_ wolves looking out from there—my ancestors." He leaned over and kissed me long and hard before rolling up to a sitting position. "You thirsty, baby?"

"Parched."

He left the blanket to root around in a cabinet, producing a bottle of Jack. When I grabbed for the bottle, he held it out of my reach. "Nuh-uh." Paul took a strong pull from the bottle then leaned over, cradling the back of my head in this hand. Pressing our lips together, he'd deposited the whiskey into my mouth. He'd continued to slake my thirst this way until I'd blown him with whiskey on my tongue, and he'd yelped when the liquor found its way inside him.

"Oh, Paul. I do remember."

"My dick sure remembers! Nice to know I'm not completely forgotten."

I plopped down next to him on the couch, still gripping the neck of the bottle in my fist. "Even though things didn't work out for us, I'll never forget you, Paul." I held out the bottle, but he waved it away. "Thank you for being here for me."

He leaned over to caress my face with his palm and placed a kiss on my cheek. "I'll always be here for you, Iz. I'm not going to try to force you into any decisions, but I do want you to think about this carefully. Whatever you decide, I'm behind you."

"Are you suggesting I take Edward back?"

"No, but I don't think you should completely write him off, either. He's your mate, and you'll never have another. Only you can decide how you want to live out the rest of your life."

"I don't know what to do, Paul. How I'll survive."

"One second, minute, hour, and day at a time. One week, one month, one year. There's no reason to rush your decision, though. A lot's at stake, baby."

My eyes started to droop. Between the JD and the emotional wringing out, I was exhausted. I glanced at the bed in the corner with longing but didn't trust myself to sleep. I was scared to turn myself over to my unconscious. "Paul... I know I have no right to ask, but will you stay with me? While I sleep?"

"Of course." He scooped me into his strong arms and carried me to the bed, pulling back the covers and tucking them up to my chin. He lay down on the top of the blanket with his arms under his head. "I don't have to be anywhere tonight, sweet Izzy. Sleep."

The choice was out of my hands as my eyes slipped closed.

**~*IWIPB*~**

* * *

**A/N: So, Paul. What are we thinking of him? And, no, Izzy will not be having a fling with Paul or anyone else. He's there for her for moral support just like Jacob. What do you guys thing of Edward's sit in? The next few chapters will be difficult to get through, but I promise a payoff at the end. Cross my heart.**

**Next chapter in approximately two weeks. Thanks for sticking with me.**

**I've been given the honor of receiving an ARC of the lovely Sydney A. Logan's (SydneyAlice) new book _Lessons Learned_. I'll also be hosting a day of her blog tour on September 8th. Mark your calendars and show up on my blog to read an interview with her character, the schmexy Lucas Miller. Subscribers of my blog will be eligible to win a copy of _Lessons Learned_ in my e-book giveaway! **

**Follow me on Twitter: SaritaDreaming or SarahAisling**

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**An Archive of Our Own: archiveofourown .org users / SaritaDreaming**


	22. Chapter 21 Gravity

**A/N: Welcome back, lovely readers! Thanks for your support even though many of you are unhappy with Izzy's decisions. I treasure each and every one of you.  
**

**Love to my awesome prereaders, Keye and Sandy. These ladies are the best and help keep me afloat.**

**Huge thanks to my awesome betas, Katmom and Sue (chayasara), for wielding the sparkly reds. The remaining mistakes are mine . . . because I'm obstinate sometimes. **

* * *

**Chapter 21**

**~Gravity~**

* * *

**Songlist:**

**Where I Stood ~ Missy Higgins**

**This Way ~ Hana Pestle**

**Gravity ~ Sara Bareilles**

**Elsewhere ~ Sarah McLachlan**

**Just Like You Said ~ SEAL**

_**I,  
I am  
So unsure  
Every minute that waits  
Every second I'm away  
From you**_

**_And love_**  
**_Is a way that_**  
**_Has no rules_**  
**_Know that I'm loving you_**  
**_Even if it's_**  
**_A fool that waits in vain_**  
**_Waits in vain_**

**_Yesterday it hit me_**  
**_That we were slipping away_**  
**_Say if you can it's okay_**  
**_Just like you said back then_**

_**~SEAL  
**_

**~*Edward*~**

It was week two of my sit-in. The wolves were used to the crazy vampire sitting at the border of their land. I'd become an adornment, the butt of some of their jokes.

My family members came to question my methods and sanity multiple times. Eventually, I played Zen statue; I didn't respond to anyone, just sat cross-legged with my spine ramrod straight and my eyes closed. There was only one thing that would bring me back to life—Izzy.

She hadn't left the Res or wandered anywhere near its borders. The Quileutes were careful not to think of her within mind-shot of me. They sang songs, recited rhymes, or thought about being intimate with their girls.

Jacob frequently came to the border and stared at me. He never spoke out loud, but he didn't try to mask his thoughts like the others. I received a glimpse of Izzy's speech about how much she valued truth above all else. My mistake was underestimating how much it would hurt her that I withheld the truth, no matter the reason. There were dark streaks under her eyes and a bone-weary slump to her shoulders. Despite all of that, a kernel of strength existed within, one that allowed her to deny me, mate or not.

I poured all my pain into a belief that Izzy would come around. I turned myself to stone, into the very statue I'd used to punish her. The longer I went without feeding, the easier it became to turn within. And I wouldn't feed again until Izzy was back in my arms. If that meant becoming a shell of myself, the crazy vampire made of stone at the border of enemy land, then so be it.

Only one thing cracked my façade—Paul.

He never dared to come to the border in his human form. Slinking by as a wolf, he let me see Izzy in his thoughts. See her break down. See her sleeping in his arms. Hear her calling out my name in her sleep. I couldn't fault him for anything. He held her while she slept, allowed her to cry on his shoulder, jammed his feelings for her deep inside, and even defended me. Paul was conflicted at a deep level. He truly loved Izzy and wanted what was best for her—even if that was "a blood sucking fucking vampire that broke her heart."

I kept my eyes closed, but I parted my lips for the first time since beginning the sit-in and spoke. "Paul, thank you. This must be extremely difficult for you. I want you to know your efforts are appreciated."

_I'm not doing it for you, bloodsucker! For her. Everything is for her._

"Understood. I know you love her, too."

_Whatever._

He slunk away into the woods. It seemed the only time he was in human form lately was when he arrived at the door of the cabin where Izzy was staying.

I'd settled back into my cocoon of indifference when the sound of an unfamiliar engine drew closer. Not many cars came up the road to the Res. The Quileutes did most of their traveling on four paws or on motorcycles, but this was the soft purr of a very expensive SUV. As it approached the border, the driver slammed on the brakes and the window hummed, descending.

"Edward?"

I supposed it was no use playing possum. It might attract undue suspicion, and that could be dangerous for an outsider.

"Jack." I nodded calmly. Inside me, jealousy reared its snarling head.

He pulled the car to the side and stepped out, his long legs clad in tight black jeans. He wore his signature black leather jacket, and his "bag of tricks" rested on the passenger seat.

I fought back the growl that vibrated through my chest. If Jack was here, it meant Izzy contacted him. His hands had been all over my mate. As painful as it was to admit, he provided something she needed, something I couldn't give her. Izzy might be craving direction about now.

His black boots crunched on the dried grass and leaves as he sauntered onto the side of the road. I rose to my feet, unable to have Izzy's former Dom looking down at me, not now when my position was so precarious.

"What's going on?" Jack examined me closely. He wasn't being casual; he meant his question literally.

"Izzy left me."

"Yeah, I gathered that when I received her call. She was a blubbering mess, Edward. I haven't seen her like that since . . . well, since that first night I came upon her at the bar in Port Angeles."

I cringed inwardly, remembering that night. I'd listened to Izzy's first session with Jack from the lobby of the hotel, listened to her say goodbye to me.

"She's that bad?" _You know she is, Edward. She's your mate and in as much pain as you are._

"That bad. Don't you know? Haven't you seen it for yourself?"

"No. I haven't seen her for two weeks. Not since she . . . ended things."

"Edward, man, you look like shit. How long have you been out here?"

"Essentially, since she left."

"When's the last time you had a proper meal?"

"Don't remember." Actually, it was twenty-three days and counting.

"What the hell did you do that she left?" Jack's brows drew together. Although his mind wasn't completely transparent to me, his discomfort over the situation was. He was only here because he cared for Izzy and feared she'd do something stupid.

"I lied to her."

"Did you fucking cheat on her?" Jack took a step closer, bunching his fists. Brave man.

"Never." _Just the opposite—I saved myself for her._

"Misunderstanding?"

"No. I held back information that I didn't think she was ready to hear, and she values truth above all else."

"She'll come around."

"I'm not so sure."

He leaned forward and clasped my arm. "I'm rooting for you both, Edward. I'm not . . . I don't want to be here under these circumstances. I . . ." Jack shook his head.

"You don't have to say anything, Jack. You've been good to her—to us."

"Take care of yourself, okay?"

"I won't. Not unless she comes back to me." I shook my head sadly. It was as close to the truth as he would get.

Jack's mouth was set in a grim line. He nodded, hopping back into the big black SUV and driving onto the Res.

Sinking to the ground, I became stone once again. I studiously pushed thoughts of Jack and what he might be doing with Izzy from my mind. I had no choice if I wanted to live long enough to get her back.

**~*Izzy*~**

The sound of a car door closing jerked me out of my trance. I'd been staring at the flickering flames in the fireplace, trying not to think, to simply drift. I sucked at it.

I pulled open the front door as Jack was striding up the steps. The handle of the black leather duffel with his equipment was gripped tightly in his right hand. His left arm reached around behind me and pulled me up against him hard enough that my lungs expelled their air.

"Damn it, Izzy," he muttered.

I remained stiff in his embrace. The level of comfort I'd previously reached around Jack had ceased, and once again, I was the troubled girl who needed to be guided. It took a great deal of suffering with no end in sight to get me to grit my teeth and give in, calling Jack and begging him like a pussy to come and "handle" me. I resented my weakness.

"Thank you for coming."

At first he'd flatly refused.

Two days later, he'd called back and said he'd visit me but made no promises. I fully expected him to reject me once he understood what I needed from him, but I had to try.

I attempted to pull away, but he dropped his bag with a thump and grabbed my arms in a vise-like hold. "I don't need to ask how you are—the dark circles and glazed look in your eyes speak volumes."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious." I glared up at him for a moment before twisting out of his grasp and stalking across the room to light a cigarette.

After taking a strong pull off my cig, I glanced over at Jack. He leaned up against the wall with his ankles crossed, smirking at me. He shook his head. "Same old Izzy. Same smart mouth." Jack strolled casually across the room until he was standing before me. He plucked the cigarette from my hand and stubbed it out in the ashtray then wrapped his hand around my neck, looking down at me with ice in his gaze. "Same need to be controlled, hmm?"

Something inside me awakened, anticipation uncurling. My inner feline stretched her back and licked her clawless paws, purring at Jack. With everyone else, I was in control. With him I was able to hand over the reins in perfect trust.

His fingers opened and his hand dropped back to his side. With a sigh of relief, I dropped to my knees and lowered my head in a submissive pose. For the first time in the past two weeks, I took full breaths into my neglected lungs. The pain of my loss wasn't far away, and it still felt like shards of glass were embedded in my lungs, throat, and nose. The ability to hand the burden of my actions over to another was as close to bliss as I expected I'd ever get.

Jack placed his palm over my crown, and the feeling was reminiscent of a priest absolving the sins of the aggrieved. "Rise now, doll. We need to talk."

"Yes, Sir." I rose to my feet, keeping my head bent and eyes lowered.

I followed Jack to the couch. He sat and I awaited his instructions. The ghost of his touch still tingled over my scalp, resting upon it like a comforting weight.

"Sit," he commanded and I eagerly complied. "You may look at me and speak freely."

Our eyes met. Jack was obviously confounded by this turn of events. He would be even more confounded when I explained what I needed from him.

"You called me here. You've fallen into submission with me. Explain."

"I respectfully request your services as my Dom, Sir."

"Request denied."

"Please . . . I need you."

"And your other Dom?" he asked brusquely.

"That relationship has been severed."

"By whom?"

"Him."

"Is that so?" Anger sparked in the brown depths of his eyes.

"He did things I found unacceptable, so technically, I ended it."

"Ah, I see." Jack nodded then his keen gaze met mine again. "And you expect me to resume where we left off?"

"No, Sir."

His eyebrows raised in surprise. "What then, doll?"

"I need you . . . to have sessions with you. I want you to control me. Punish me." I faltered.

"Sounds like before to me."

"I can't . . . have sex with you." The carvings on the coffee table suddenly seemed much safer to look at than Jack's frosty gaze.

My revelation was met with a silence that grew from seconds into minutes. I stared so hard at the grooves in the wood they blurred and then became so razor sharp I could see splinters sticking up from the grain. My heart pounded behind my ribs.

Jack rose suddenly and stalked back and forth in front of the hearth. "Do you know what you're asking of me? I'm a Dom, not some twisted version of a sex therapist! A Dom/sub relationship is a give and take between partners. Trust is built and nurtured, and the needs of both are met. Now, I know our relationship has never followed the traditional, but this?"

"Please."

"Absolutely not. It's insane! I never should have taken you on in the first place. Edward was there from the first day, haunted by you, too addicted to leave no matter how you behaved."

Pain lanced into my heart. "Don't say . . . his name. Please."

"What's this really about?" Jack pulled me up off the couch, his fingers biting painfully into my skin. "You know how much I care for you, but what the fuck are you asking me to do?"

Guilt shot through me, and my head drooped.

"Look at me. You called me here, and you will give me the courtesy of an answer. _ Now_."

My eyes met Jack's again. "_This_ is what I crave—you being in control. You're the only one I trust now to do this for me. You know it's my release valve!" His expression was dubious. "Please! I want to . . . to serve you. I'll wait on you hand and foot. Polish your boots. Take dictation. Make you dinner. You can spank me or make me hold the same position for hours—whatever you see fit. Just . . . no sexual contact."

Jack's eyes closed, and he shook his head slowly. "Do you realize how depraved this sounds? It's bizarre and disturbing on so many levels."

He sat me back down and stalked out the front door. His boots scraped against the rough wood of the front porch as he paced back and forth, muttering and cursing. When the pacing ceased, there was a loud bang that shook the front door in its frame before it was flung open.

"Damn you, Izzy Black." Jack glared at me and scrubbed a hand over his face. "I'm pretty sure I'm going to regret this . . . but, yes, we can try. No promises, and if it doesn't work, we stop immediately."

"Yes, Sir." A genuine smile spread across my face. _Surprised your face didn't crack,_ my inner banshee, silent for the past two weeks, chimed in.

Jack sighed, sitting beside me again.

"Beer, Sir?"

"Quit the 'Sir' shit. We're not having a session right now. I really need to wrap my head around this. Only you could come up with something so fucking bizarre." He ran a hand through his dark, wavy hair. "A beer would be great."

Jack threw a few more logs on the fire while I rounded up the beer. He slung an arm over my shoulders, and we sat close together with our feet on the coffee table, a comfortable silence between us now that business was out of the way. I knew Jack could be trusted because he genuinely cared about me. He had no romantic feelings, which removed the possibility of hurting him.

"So . . . what happened between you two?" Jack broke the silence and leaned forward, placing the empty beer bottle on the table.

"He lied to me . . . about things I feel are important."

"Why did he do it?"

"Because he's a coward."

"A coward. Did he cheat on you and try to hide it?"

"No!" My tone was scathing. "Edward would never cheat."

"What's he afraid of then?"

"Losing me," I whispered. A strange, unfamiliar feeling roiled in my belly.

"Speak up, Izzy."

"Losing me."

"Why was he afraid he'd lose you?"

The feeling inside me intensified until it was replaced by a burning anger. Whatever that sensation was, it was an unwelcome intruder peeling away bits of my resolve. "He kept his past from me, some important things. And he took me to Rio because he knew his ex-girlfriend was coming to visit and he didn't want us to meet."

Jack tilted his head to the side. "What an evil guy, whisking you away to Rio. Since you say he's not cheating, I assume he was protecting you by avoiding his ex. Is he a mass murderer or something? What did he do in his past that was a deal breaker for a relationship in the present?"

Annoyance spread through me. "Jack! Fucking stop, okay? You're making light of this, making it sound as if Edward is some fucking angel. He's not. He hurt me."

"And you've always been perfect? You've never done anything to hurt him?"

"Not on purpose, no."

"Oh, so Edward purposely set out to hurt you? That doesn't sound like the protective boyfriend who was willing to allow you to have dalliances with other men while he waited on the sidelines for you to grow the fuck up." Jack's tone was acerbic, and his words cut deep.

"Jack, that's so unfair!" I shot to my feet and stalked over to the fridge to grab another beer. My face burned with indignation. Jack had essentially broken down the issues between Edward and me in an arbitrary way that left me feeling off-balance.

"Why so defensive . . . unless you think you overreacted? You're both suffering, so why not make an effort to end the torment?"

"Suffering? Edward hasn't even tried to get in touch with me!" It was the first time I'd admitted it to anyone. Edward hadn't even called my cell phone. Jasper, Alice, and Emmett had called, but I didn't answer and no messages were left. There wasn't one call from Edward.

Jack stalked around the side of the couch and grabbed me by the arms. For sure I'd have bruises tomorrow. "Wake the fuck up, princess! You think Edward hasn't tried to reach you? Why the fuck do you think he's been hanging around the entrance of the Res for the past two weeks? He looks like shit—wrinkled clothes, haunted eyes with dark circles, and his hair looks like he's been pulling and tugging at it incessantly."

"What?" My mouth gaped open. Edward had been that close to me for the past two weeks? If that was true, Jake and Paul had purposely held back this information.

"You didn't know?"

"I've been holed up here." I crossed my arms and pouted up at him. "I've barely left the cabin, and I haven't been off the Res at all."

Jack's eyes softened, and he tipped my chin up with two fingers. "I don't know what went on between you two, but I do know that he loves you more than anything. And I know you love him just as much. Think about it, Izzy. Think hard."

I walked Jack to the door after arranging a session for the next day. He shook his head and mumbled, "What was I thinking?" on his way out.

Even though I knew Edward loved me, the past two weeks were hell not hearing from him. The cliché of telling a man it was over and being upset he didn't chase me like a lovesick fool prickled my sense of irony and left me feeling even more pathetic.

After Jack was gone, I paced the floor, smoked a few cigarettes, and downed a few glasses of JD. When I could stand it no longer, I took a shower. I smoothed my hair into a silken fall, covered my under-eye circles, carefully applied my makeup, and put on my sluttiest outfit. No reason to be seen not looking my best.

For the first time in two weeks, I left the safety of the cabin and trudged into the woods. The sun was just sinking below the horizon, the sky streaked with pink, gold, and purple, and the cool breeze soothed my hot cheeks. I hiked to the border of the Res, hoping by the time I arrived there, I'd have some idea of what to do.

I didn't. And if I had, the sight of Edward would have erased it as surely as a strong magnet would destroy a hard drive.

My heart was in my throat and its beat pounded in my temples. Edward sat cross-legged, just over the border of the treaty line. His black jeans and plum T-shirt were rumpled, his hair tousled beyond hope, and purplish crescents that resembled bruises marred the skin beneath his closed eyes. What never changed were his perfectly chiseled features.

He was beautiful. Always so beautiful and breathtaking.

His pose reminded me of the punishment he'd meted out as my Dom, and panic welled inside me. Would he play possum if I spoke to him? Ignore me even though I knew damn well he could hear me?

_Fuck that._

I turned away and started back toward the cabin.

"Izzy." Edward's voice was low and hoarse. My name, said in his angel's voice, held more emotion than any impassioned speech ever could. His pain was there; my pain was there. Our collective agony mingled between us.

I stopped, my boots kicking up a small dust-cloud of silt, but didn't face him. The very sound of his voice slayed me. The knowledge that he was a few yards away burned inside me. For the first time since I'd left him, my pain was purely emotional, not physiological, my numbness peeling away like a layer of skin, leaving rawness in its wake. Could it be my proximity to him that soothed my exposed nerves at the same time it clawed into my heart? The thought angered me because it led back to the crux of the matter: I was his mate and had to learn it from his ex.

"What the fuck are you doing out here?" My tone was harsh.

"Waiting."

"For what?"

"You."

My heart sped, and my veins burned with need. Every cell of my being stood at attention and leaned in his direction as if magnetized. The urge to occupy the same space he did was overwhelming.

It was a struggle, but I took two more steps toward the cabin.

Edward moaned, a deep, involuntary cry of pain that came from his soul.

The sound stopped me in my tracks. My body betrayed me by following my inner compass, and Edward was true north.

Before I realized it, I was straddling the treaty line. Edward rose fluidly to his feet and approached with caution. The closer he came to me, the closer I was drawn to the abyss. His eyes begged my forgiveness, and it took every bit of strength I had left to stem the urge to throw myself into his arms.

Sam's voice interrupted the moment. "Cullen, you seem determined to poke a stick in a hornet's nest."

Edward's jaw tightened, but he never took his eyes from mine. "There's been no violation, Sam."

"Yet. But I must reiterate what I told you before—if you step on my land again, you're a dead man. No second chances."

I turned my head sharply to the right. Sam stood by the edge of the trees in a pair of loose fitting shorts, with his fists clenched and muscles trembling. I could see in his eyes that he'd like nothing better than an excuse to go after Edward. "He came over the treaty line?"

Sam nodded shortly.

"When? Why wasn't I told?"

"The day you arrived. We're not obligated to discuss Quileute business with you, Izzy. You came here for sanctuary, and it was granted. If you're not happy with the way we do things, you know the way out."

My mouth dropped open. Sam and I were far from close, but he'd never been openly hostile to me before.

Edward growled, taking another step forward. "Don't speak to her that way."

Sam's face twisted in a sneer. "One more inch, bloodsucker. Come on!" He beat his fists against his chest and his nostrils flared.

"Stop it! Just stop it! Don't you touch him." I glared at Sam.

"Make up your mind, sweetheart." He laughed, and then his expression turned cold. "If one of his toes lands on the treaty line, his ass is mine. No exceptions—not even for you."

Edward's hands curled into fists, and the rumbling in his chest erupted into a feral snarl. His body was as taut as a bowstring, poised for confrontation, and I knew he was seconds away from challenging Sam.

I stepped over the border, bringing me within two feet of Edward. My insides trembled as my breath was stolen away. I gazed into his eyes; his irises were onyx with vague swirls of burnished gold. His hands twitched toward me, but he restrained himself from touching. His eyes spoke to my soul; every need, desire, and sorrow was embedded in his fathomless gaze, and every part of me yearned to answer the call of my mate.

Once I was firmly over the border, Sam phased and took off into the woods, leaving Edward and me alone.

"You went over the treaty line?" I asked. Edward simply nodded. "Why would you do something so . . . so crazy?"

"You know why," he said softly.

"But you had to know they would stop you. You could have been slaughtered!"

"I wasn't thinking rationally."

"And you are now?"

"As well as I'm able." He took a step closer, the pain in his eyes palpable. There were now only inches between us. He lifted his hand, caressing the air beside my cheek, causing a tingling trail to erupt over my skin, but he didn't touch me.

I closed my eyes. "Why are you doing this? It's obvious you haven't . . . fed in a while."

"And I'm not going to," he said matter-of-factly.

"Why?" I asked, incredulous.

"You still don't understand me, do you?" he murmured. Edward still hadn't touched me, but he may as well have wrapped me in his arms. My entire body sizzled and sang like a live wire. His cheek hovered beside mine, those delicious lips mere centimeters away from my ear. "You're my only reason for existing. There's nothing tethering me to this world but you. If it takes the rest of your human life, I will remain here . . . waiting."

His cool breath tickled against my ear, and I longed for him to touch me. "Without feeding? That's crazy."

"I've made my peace with crazy." He gazed down into my eyes, and my body hummed with his invisible touch, the strands that bound us together tightening around me. "Will you give me a chance to explain myself? Please, Izzy . . . if I ever meant anything to you at all, let me talk to you."

My façade crumbled bit by bit under his scorching stare. Dizzy from the intensity of his presence, I swayed on my feet and he caught me in his arms. One wrapped around my waist, his other hand cradling the back of my head.

Edward nudged his nose along mine, his lips hovering a hair's breadth away from my own.

"Edward . . ."

"Shh . . . please don't. I love you so much." The pure desperation in his tone kept me from rejecting his tormented words.

His lips came down on mine, and he pulled me in tighter. I'd missed the cool hardness of his marble body, oh so much. His lips parted, swallowing my sobs as I melted against him and grabbed his T-shirt in my fists. The taste of him would always be my drug of choice. I decided to hate myself later, but right then I needed to feel the contours of his body, his lips molding to mine. And when his tongue swept into my mouth, I welcomed it eagerly and matched him stroke for stroke.

One of his hands slid up the back of my thigh, caressing my ass through the silky panties, while the fingers of his other tangled in my hair. My insides ignited when he ground his hips into me, his hardness insistent against my stomach.

Edward moaned, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. He took possession of my mouth, my body, and yes, even my black heart. My resolve and determination of the past two weeks unraveled in seconds, the carefully constructed façade shattering to pieces.

Cool air rushed over my pussy as he tore my panties off, and then his fingers were buried inside me.

"Mmph!" I tried to pull back, but when Edward held fast, his tongue continuing its aggressive exploration of my mouth, I ceased fighting.

He picked me up and turned us around, pressing me against the nearest tree. His cool fingers slid from my slickness and skimmed under my shirt, using the moisture from between my legs to tease at my nipples. I allowed my hands to glide up over his shoulders to grip his hair—just as soft as I remembered—and I ground my bareness against the roughness of his jeans.

Edward kissed across my jaw to the side of my neck then stopped abruptly, cursing as he buried his head in the crook of my shoulder. My fingers tightened convulsively in his hair.

"Why are you stopping?" I asked breathlessly.

"This is wrong. I'm not going to fuck you against the side of a tree."

"I don't mind where we are."

Edward stepped back, setting me on my feet and smoothing my short skirt down over my hips. He cupped my face between his cool hands and gazed down at me with a mixture of heat and anguish in his eyes. I clamped my fingers over his wrists, and looked up at him, trepidation filling me.

"Izzy, this doesn't resolve anything. What happens after?"

"Don't you want me?"

"How can you ask me that? I love you beyond reason. I won't be your boy toy, though." He shook his head. "It's all or nothing for me. If we ever make love again, it will be because you've come home to me." There was no cruelty in his voice, just an impassioned plea for understanding.

I gaped at him, my heart pounding in my chest, the words that would bring us back together on the tip of my tongue. "Edward . . . I . . . I can't!" A plaintive sob ripped from me, and I tried to pull away, but he refused to let go of my face.

"Izzy, please let me explain why I lied to you, and then I'll let you go if it's what you want."

My feelings were gaping and raw. There was no sign of my power now, and even if there were, I didn't think I could bear to use it on him. "Okay, talk." Being this close to him, being held by him, was heaven and hell at the same time. The desire to push him away and pull him close warred within me.

"You've come such a long way since we met, but you can't forget how damaged you were—what we had to get through before you could even admit that you loved me. The drugs, the alcohol, your indifference, James, the other men in your life . . . your fear of love. I knew the moment we met that something was different about you. The first time we made love . . . I already knew you were my mate, but how could I tell you with all that was hanging over us?"

"And you were a virgin," I pointed out in an attempt to remain detached—not that it was working.

"Yes. I knew you would reject me if I told you, and I couldn't bear to lose you. I'd waited a century. Many vampires play while waiting for their mate, but I had no interest in gratuitous sex. The first sexual urges I ever experienced . . . were with you." He brushed his thumbs over my cheeks and pressed his forehead against mine. "I kept waiting for the right time to tell you, but something always got in the way. When I heard Tanya was coming to visit . . . I didn't want you to meet her until you knew the truth. But, Izzy, I swear to God, I never intended to keep it from you forever, and my intentions were true." His eyes were earnest.

For the first time since Tanya maliciously revealed Edward's secret, I listened with an open heart instead of one tainted by a sense of betrayal. I thought about all I knew of Edward and realized he would never willingly lie to me. Everything he'd ever done since we met was to try to protect me, to love me.

"Edward . . . I don't know what to say. I believe you, but I'm so confused. It's hard to think straight when I'm near you." I traced over his beautiful face with my fingertips.

"Tell me what you need. You have to know there's nothing I wouldn't give you."

"Time. I need to be alone, to clear my head and think." What I wanted to do was throw myself in his arms and beg him to take me home to our bed and make love to me.

"Does that mean you . . . might forgive me?"

"No promises . . . but, yes, maybe."

"That's all I can ask for. You'll never know how deeply sorry I am for hurting you."

"Will you do something for me?"

"Anything."

I brushed my index finger over the purplish hollow beneath one of his eyes. "Please hunt."

"All right." He nodded.

"I do love you, Edward. That's never been in question." I pressed my lips to his. "I promise to carefully consider everything you've told me."

Edward's answering smile caused a kernel of hope to blossom inside me, sweet and raw and yearning. "I love you, Izzy Black. Forever." He lifted me in his arms and swung us around until I was dizzy, and when he let me go, I missed him long before he was out of my sight.

**~*IWIPB*~**

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**A/N: Looks like the sun just might rise again, huh? Thoughts, theories, opinions?**

**Next chapter of Red Kryptonite should be out within a few days, and next chapter of IWIPB in approximately two weeks.**

**I've been given the honor of receiving an ARC of the lovely Sydney Logan's (SydneyAlice) new book _Lessons Learned_. I'll also be hosting a day of her blog tour on September 8th. Mark your calendars and show up on my blog to read an interview with her character, the schmexy Lucas Miller. Leave a comment on the blog during the giveaway and be eligible to win your very own copy of _Lessons Learned_!**

**I'm also reading _Ghostwriter_ by the talented Lissa Bryan. Stay tuned for news of the blog tour and e-book giveaway, coming in October.**

**Follow me on Twitter: SaritaDreaming or SarahAisling**

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**Blog: SaritaDreaming . wordpress .com**

**An Archive of Our Own: archiveofourown .org users / SaritaDreaming**


	23. Chapter 22 Fire Rising

**A/N: Hello, awesome readers! So sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out. I hope it was worth the wait.**

**Thanks to my awesome friends and prereaders, Keye and Sandy, for their valuable feedback and musical inspiration.**

**Edward smooches to my awesome betas, Katmom and SassySue (chayasara), for their awesome skillz. Mwah!**

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**Chapter 22**

**~Fire Rising~**

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**Playlist:**

**All Around Me ~ Flyleaf**

**Saving Grace ~ Flyleaf**

**Stay ~ Rihanna**

**~*Izzy*~**

It's difficult for most people to admit it when they're wrong. It's even more difficult for a distrustful, damaged girl like me. Long after I returned to the cabin, I sat there with only the flames in the hearth for company, ruminating about my moments with Edward and the things he'd said.

If I took him back, would that make me a weakling? Would it be the equivalent of handing him my power? Deep inside me was the knowledge that Edward would never purposely take advantage of me, and yet I couldn't bring myself to just let go and take him back. Stubbornness, pride, anger, fear—a combination of them all, perhaps—kept me from rushing into his arms and begging him to take me home.

I did cancel the session I had scheduled with Jack. Even though there was nothing sexual between us, something inside me wouldn't allow me to move forward with our new arrangement when the possibility of reconciling with Edward was on the table. Jack did a shit job of hiding his relief over the phone.

My other problem? I wasn't used to hiding—from anything. It had been hard enough when I was trying to survive without Edward by my side, but now that I was officially "thinking it over," the urge to be near him was almost unbearable. Not because of the pain it had caused before but because every cell of my being—especially those below the waist—yearned for him in a way that was beyond description. Let's just say I hadn't been polite to Jacob or Paul when they came around, and since I'd run them off, it seemed I might wear a groove in the floor of the cabin.

Three days had gone by since I was in Edward's arms, since his lips had seared mine, and I'd promised to give serious consideration to getting back together. I wanted to, but I wasn't sure how to go about it. I'd been broken for so long, and then being with him had lifted me to places I never thought I'd achieve. The thought of letting him back in before I was absolutely sure scared the shit out of me. I'd never survive another break from him—I still didn't know how I was surviving each day, each hour.

When a knock sounded on the door, I nearly shrieked. When I opened it, a smile spread across my face.

There stood Ricky with an armload of Häagen-Daz. His warm brown eyes met mine, and I knew he was assessing my state of being. He couldn't have come at a better time—just when I was about to lose my fucking mind.

"Oh, Ricky, you do love me!" I eyed the tubs of ice cream with lust. Aside from JD, ice cream with Ricky was an instant soother for me.

"'Course I love you, silly girl. Now, get out of my way so I can put these down and hug you."

Ricky pushed his way inside and dumped the cartons of ice cream on the counter then hugged me so hard I couldn't catch my breath. It was the best I'd felt since leaving Edward at the border of the Res three days ago.

A few minutes later, we sat on the floor with our backs against the couch spooning ice cream into our mouths. Ricky didn't stare at me or ask a bunch of questions; it was why he was my best friend. He could push with the best of them but usually gave me time, and I never felt judged.

"So . . . what's new, Izzy B?"

I grinned at him coyly. "Stuff. How's Lila?"

"She's freakin' great. I think I'm in love."

"I could've told you that." I shoved him in the shoulder. "I'm happy for you. Tell me all about her."

For the next half hour, he told me about the girl who'd captured his heart and how happy she made him. I was ecstatic because Ricky deserved some happiness in his life.

We moved on to news around school. Lauren and Tyler were back together. Behind Tyler's back, students wondered if Lauren was holding his balls hostage because of the way he kissed her ass now. The mean girl crew was as bitchy as ever now that I was gone from school, and Lauren was back on top of her game. How soon they forgot Lauren's shame in the Caf and started falling in line like good little bitches. Frankly, I was so beyond all that, I didn't give a shit.

"How's Darren?"

"Struggling along, good days and bad days, but he's sticking to the path. I think he's going to be okay. And you? How are you faring?"

"Well, I can't say there's been no temptation, but the worst I've done is suck down some JD."

"That's my girl." He scooped another mound of ice cream into his mouth then side-eyed me. "Shall we address the elephant in the room?"

I huffed and looked up to the ceiling. "Go on then. Everyone else has had their say, why not you?"

Ricky slung an arm over my shoulders and pulled me close. "No judging. You know me by now. What I want most in the world is for you to be happy, healthy, and safe."

"Safe?"

"I know you've been in some kind of danger. I'd have to be fucking blind not to notice."

"Ricky . . ."

"It's okay. I'm not asking. Let me tell you what I do know. Edward loves you so much. He'd do anything for you, Iz. That kind of love doesn't come around more than once in a lifetime, and I know you love him just as deeply. No lecture or digging into your private biz—I just want you to think carefully before you make a final decision. Can you promise me that, sweetheart?" He kissed the top of my head and squeezed me tight.

The tears were unexpected. They poured from my eyes in a torrent, and I curled into Ricky's side and bawled like a heartbroken child. He sat there and held my quaking frame in his strong arms, never saying a word. There was nobody else in the world I could let go with that way.

When I finally reached for a napkin to wipe my snotty nose, he said, "I'll take that as a yes."

I missed Ricky before he was gone. He had a date with Lila, and who was I to stand in the way of true love? I'd fucked my own life over so completely—one of us had to find happiness. As usual, without doing it directly, he'd given me so much to think about.

Once alone, I quickly grew restless. I pulled on a jacket and made my way down to First Beach. There was a cutting wind, but I didn't mind it—it seemed I enjoyed punishment recently. The sky was a mosaic of mottled gray, like most days around here, and my mind just drifted along as I trudged down the beach. I didn't consciously realize I was approaching the place James attacked me until my chest tightened and my breaths grew shallow.

The sorrowful howl of a wolf sent my heart into a stuttering tattoo. I gasped at the sudden appearance of a light gray wolf sauntering over the jagged edges of the rocks. Leah. Her head tilted back, and she let loose another mournful lament.

"Leah."

She gazed down at me from her perch, yellow eyes glinting, and morphed back into human form, sitting stark naked atop the rock with her arms and legs wrapped tight and her head lowered. She stood and made her way slowly to the other side of the rocks where her clothes were tossed in a haphazard pile. Leah's body was perfectly toned and curved in all the right places. Her breasts were high and rounded, nipples standing out proudly in the chilled air. There was no hurry to cover herself up; she moved at a normal pace, tugging on jeans and pulling the shirt over her head.

Leah leaped to the sand barefoot and paced toward me in a slow, measured way that was neither threatening nor predatory. She stopped a foot away and cocked her head to the side, raking her eyes up and down my body. "I don't get it."

When she didn't elaborate, I took the bait. "What don't you get?"

She walked around me in a slow circle until she came back around to the front, her razor cut bob brushing her shoulders. "What is it about you that makes men do stupid things? Why do they all fall at your feet, willing to die for you? What have you got?" Without giving me a chance to respond, Leah went on. "No matter what they do for you, though, it's never enough, is it? You've got Paul all twisted up inside—and then there's Edward, sitting at the treaty line just begging for trouble with Sam."

All kinds of retorts sprang to my lips, including the temptation to ask her why she couldn't hold on to a man, but that was a low blow even I wasn't willing to deal her. The fact of the matter was, she had a point. I never wanted any of these men to fall for me; it just happened. Edward was the only one who was different, but I wasn't about to enter into any territory Leah might be able to use against me. My ire deflated as quickly as it had risen, and I sighed, looking away. "I don't know, Leah. I never asked for any of this. I hope some part of you believes me when I say I never intended to hurt you. We may not like each other . . . have never been friends . . . but I don't wish bad on you."

She was silent for a time—a rather good sign when it came to hot-headed Leah—and when I finally chanced a look at her, she smiled a little. "I've wished bad on you so many times, Izzy. I almost feel guilty for the shit that's happened to you."

"Thanks for being honest. You know, I never got a chance to thank you for defending me against James. Thank you. I'm sorry you got hurt."

Leah waved a hand. "It's my job to protect innocents on our land."

I laughed out loud. "I've never been called an innocent before."

Leah grinned. "It probably won't happen again, either."

My phone vibrated, and I excused myself to check it.

**I miss you. ~ E**

**I miss you, boyscout. ~I**

I smiled, a warm feeling blooming in my chest.

Leah shot me an appraising glance. "Edward?"

"Um, yeah."

"Piece of advice—if you love him, don't let him get away. That bloodsucker really loves you. Never thought I'd hear myself recommend mating with a vampire . . . but, whatever makes your heart race."

"Thanks, Leah."

"See you around." Leah took off up the beach.

My phone vibrated again.

**Go out with me tonight. ~E**

**Where? ~I**

**Come over for dinner. No strings. ~E**

**Okay. ~I**

**I'll pick you up by the border at seven. ~E**

Was Edward up to something? Maybe, but at that point I wanted to see him much worse than I wanted to brood. The scales were definitely tipping in his favor—not that I'd admit it to him.

At seven, Paul insisted on escorting me to the border for my "date." I gave him a hard time but finally allowed him to accompany me on the walk to meet Edward. We exchanged small talk, and nothing was mentioned about my encounter with Leah—either Paul was unaware of it or decided not to bring it up.

As we approached the border, I spotted Edward's pale skin luminescing in a wash of moonlight. He rose to his feet and stood a respectable distance from the treaty line. His expression was in shadow, but his posture was relaxed.

"Edward," Paul greeted with a nod.

"Paul. Thanks for walking her over."

His voice speared into me; it had been too long since I'd heard him speak. I was used to hearing him, feeling him, every day. These past few weeks had been the worst of my life.

"Good evening, Izzy." His voice was a drizzle of warm honey.

I couldn't get over the border fast enough, and I hurried into his arms. "Edward," I breathed into his shirt.

Edward's arms enfolded me, welcomed me. There was no holding back, no recrimination. He just held me to him and swayed with me as all the tension of the past few weeks drained from my body. After a while, I stepped back and gazed up at him, but it was still hard to read his face in the darkness.

Edward turned and crouched down. "Why don't you hop on and we'll head over to the house?"

The woods were dark and silent. The thought of James being out there somewhere caused a shiver to run through me, and I immediately felt like a wuss. Edward seemed to understand my hesitancy, though.

"My family is out there. You're safe with me."

"I know that." I wrapped my arms and legs around him, pressing my cheek against the back of his shoulder.

"When we get back to the house, my family will patrol the area and give us some privacy."

Other times Edward had carried me, he'd run at a dizzying pace, but tonight he took his time. His hands reached up to caress my forearms. We didn't speak as he moved through the forest. I shut my eyes and listened to the softness of his footfalls over the leaves, the flutter of wings just ahead as birds took off from their nests when they sensed his presence, and the rustling of underbrush as land animals took cover in the distance. Then it grew silent. So silent. I could hear my breaths and the beat of my own heart in my ears, and it was louder than the sounds of the forest.

Edward stepped into a clearing and the Cullen home was just ahead. Warm light spilled from the many windows, and my heart yearned for this place I'd begun to call home until a few weeks ago. Charlie's house was Charlie's. I owned it now and had lived there when I came back to town, but the Cullens' house was the first place that had ever started to feel like a real home to me.

Edward let me down from his back and offered me his hand. He led me up the front stairs and into the house.

"No leaping through your window?" I teased.

"Tonight, we're on a date. What kind of gentleman would take a lady straight to his lair?" He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. Though his words were lighthearted, his eyes were intense as he watched me over the top of my hand.

"Something smells good."

"I'm making you dinner. You haven't been eating well." Edward's brows scrunched together as he looked me over, his hands wrapping around my ribcage and sliding slowly over my waist and hips. "You've lost weight."

I gazed up at him self-consciously and swept my finger over the purplish crescent under his eye. "You haven't been eating well, either. I thought you were going to hunt."

"I'm fine. I can go a long time without."

"But why are you?"

Edward sighed and pulled me closer, tapping my nose with his finger. "You're so inquisitive. I'm just not willing to be that far away from you. Not until the danger is over."

"I don't have enough supernatural beings around me?" I joked.

"No. Never enough." His face was tense, serious. As fast as the mood came, it was wiped away, and he held a hand out to me. "Come. Let me make you dinner. How do you like your steak?"

"Still mooing." I grinned.

Edward hesitated, his eyes widening a bit. "Izzy, really."

"Really! Well, not mooing exactly, but nice and rare."

"Rare it is."

He led me into the kitchen, where he pulled a marinating steak from the fridge. The broiler was already going, and he put the steak on then checked inside the oven where seasoned potatoes were roasting. The smell was heavenly, and my mouth watered.

"Mm-mm . . . smells delish."

Edward wrinkled his nose. "If you say so. It's hard for me to tell. All human food smells vile to me."

Once dinner was ready, he carried everything into the dining room. I was put off by the cavernous room until I realized he'd set up an intimate table for two with a fancy cloth and candles by the window overlooking the garden. White lights twinkled on the patio, showcasing the stone paths and Esme's prized blooms.

"Edward, this is beautiful."

He placed the dishes on the table and held my seat out for me. "It pales next to you."

The sincerity in his tone disintegrated the sarcastic comment I was about to make. Edward certainly was keeping me off balance tonight. I turned my attention to dinner: steak—rare the way I liked it, roasted potatoes, and a salad. When he sat down across from me, I peeked up at him awkwardly.

"This is kind of weird."

"What?"

"For you to watch me eat. Must be kind of boring and gross."

A slow smile spread across his face. "Not at all." He traced my lips with a finger. "I love watching your mouth . . . do anything."

I squirmed in my seat and pressed my legs together. "Oh . . . well, when you put it like that."

Eating across the table from Edward wasn't awkward at all. We chatted about mundane things, such as my visit with Ricky and all the gossip he'd brought with him about school, or how Emmett had been hiding out in strategic places and jumping out to attack Edward in an effort to take his mind off things.

The steak was delicious—everything was. When I finished, he swept the dirty dishes away and was back with a dish of strawberries and cream in a flash.

"Those look divine." I reached for one, and he grabbed my hand.

"You're not allowed to touch them, though."

"Is this like bobbing for apples?" I wiggled my eyebrows, and he laughed.

"No." Edward picked up a strawberry and swirled it in whipped cream. "I get to feed them to you." He brushed the cream-covered fruit across my lips.

I licked the whipped cream away and bit into the ripe red berry. Juice ran down my chin, and his eyes darkened as he watched.

"You're turned on by the thought of blood dripping from my mouth, aren't you?"

"Yes." One of his hands tightened into a fist on the table.

The scales were tipping again. I wanted him more than I'd ever desired anyone before, but there were still unresolved issues and feelings. So I did what I always do—I threw him off balance.

"Tell me about Tanya."

"What?" As smart as the vampire was, he stared back at me as though I had two heads—or in my case, horns.

To soften the blow, I left my seat and made my way over to drape myself across his lap with my arms around his neck. "I need to hear about Tanya. What happened between you two? You said you couldn't be what she wanted."

To his credit, he recovered quickly. "Well, Tanya wanted me from the moment we met. Her thoughts were difficult for me to deal with—they were far more forward than most females and quite . . . graphic. Being a mind reader, I've seen and heard it all, but her fantasies centered around me specifically . . . doing things to and with her."

"Ah," was my outwardly calm answer, but deep down, I already wanted to grab a blow torch and burn that bitch to ash. "You didn't like the visuals?"

"Not a bit. Perhaps it was being turned while still a virgin—I'm not sure—but I just didn't have those urges. Everyone pushed us together, of course. Carlisle thought if I . . . gave it a try, I might change my mind." Edward hesitated, rubbing my back. "Are you sure you want to hear this?"

"Yes. I need to know everything if I'm going to make an informed decision about us."

"Fair enough. I tried. Vampires don't date the same way humans do. Vampires tend to be more . . . carnal. Tanya wanted to jump my bones, but I was too emotional, wanting to take it slow. We kissed and groped a little, but when it came time for sex . . . I couldn't. I didn't desire her." He kissed the side of my neck and nudged his nose against my ear. "She didn't take it well. To her, it was a very personal rejection. Tanya is very beautiful and very used to geting what she wants."

"So you do find her beautiful."

"Aesthetically, yes, but her beauty stirs nothing within me. Do you understand?" Edward's fingers skimmed my jaw, urging my face toward his. His expression was unreadable, his eyes scorching. "You, on the other hand, stirred so many things in me from the moment I laid eyes on you. I burned inside with the need to know all about you, would have followed you anywhere, even if you never acknowledged my existence."

My mouth hung slightly agape, and I stared into his captivating eyes, speechless.

"I _will_ follow you anywhere for the rest of my existence. If you never fully become mine, then my life will be same length as yours, for I can no longer bear to exist without you."

Edward's lips pressed to mine then, much gentler than I expected. His kiss was soft and slow. My heart raged in my chest, and heated tingles raced through my body as the impact of his words permeated my being. This fierce, immortal vampire would mark his days by the number of mine? He was so devoted to me, he was willing to die if I did? The thought of him dying left me bereft. Even if I no longer existed, he should.

I pushed him back, and he let me. "No, Edward! You should always exist. Promise me."

"Are you willing to promise the same?"

My breath caught in my throat. The thought of a world without Edward brought immediate crushing pain to my heart. "Oh!"

"What is it?"

"Nothing." It was the first time I'd looked into his eyes and lied right to his face. "I promise."

It was at that moment the first glimmer of understanding started to shine through—that in some twisted way, Edward had lied to me to protect us both, and now I was doing the same.

"Then I will promise as well." He kissed the corner of my mouth. "Though I hope neither of us ever has to be tested to those extremes."

I caressed his face. "I hope not, either."

"This is getting a bit dark for a date, isn't it? Would you like me to play for you?"

"I would love that!"

Edward stood up from the chair with me in his arms, whirled us into the music room, and deposited me on the piano.

"I've always wanted to be one of those chicks lounging on top of a piano while a handsome man serenades me with song."

Edward slipped the shoes from my feet and leaned in for a kiss. "Lounge away then."

I stretched out on the glossy black top and rolled over onto my stomach, resting my chin in my hands as he sat down to play. His fingers produced pure magic, starting out with a few classical pieces I recognized, and then he segued into a complex and emotional piece I'd never heard before. The music brought tears to my eyes, and I was enraptured by every note and nuance. I waited until the last note had faded away before asking breathlessly, "What _was_ that?"

"Did you like it?" He stared back at me, face expressionless, eyes intense.

"Loved would be a better word choice. It was just so beautiful."

"It's how I feel about you."

"Who composed it?"

"I did."

"You did."

"For you, about you." His face was still blank, but in the deep butterscotch of Edward's eyes, so many emotions swirled that I had no chance of figuring them out.

"I don't know what to say . . ."

"You don't have to say anything. It's a musical expression of what you mean to me, of what you are to me." He reached up to caress my face. "I'm not trying to influence you."

"Influence me?"

"You will make your own decision . . . about us. I won't play the 'I won't always be here waiting' card because I _will_ always be here waiting. I belong to you."

"Edward . . ." I shook my head slightly. The concepts he was revealing tonight were so completely foreign to me, and yet they weren't. Is this why I was so angry with him? Was I blaming my lack of control over fate and my own mate bond with Edward on him? He obviously had no more control over it than I did. Another piece of the puzzle clicked into place.

A tear spilled over. I blinked and Edward was on top of the piano, flipping me on my back and straddling my body. He whisked the tear away with his thumb and gazed down at me for a moment before grasping my wrist and lifting it to his lips. He kissed the tender underside, lips lingering over my pulse, and his eyes slipped closed. Then he breathed deeply, running his nose along my skin to pause in the fold of my arm before continuing all the way up to the slamming pulse at my throat.

Edward groaned softly, and his tongue snaked out to lick his mark. His mouth may as well have been between my legs. A fiery bolt of desire exploded inside me.

"Take from me, please. I want you so much."

His resulting growl rumbled against my throat, setting off more sparks of desire in me. I was completely under his control, trapped against the piano—one hand held my neck and the other pressed my arm up over my head—yet the hold was so gentle.

Edward dragged his lips up the side of my neck, speaking softly against my ear. "My tongue burns for the velvet sweetness of your blood. My loins cry out for you, to fill you over and over. I want nothing more than to drink while I rock inside you."

"Ungh . . . do it, _please_."

He kissed me deeply, tongue sweeping into my mouth. I gave myself over to it, kissing him back with abandon. His hold on my neck loosened, fingers trailing over my body and slipping beneath my shirt to caress my bare skin. Our fingers tightened together over my head, and I whimpered against his tongue. The kiss was all-consuming, and oh, how I'd missed this, missed us.

Edward was pulling away all too soon, offering a few soothing kisses to my bruised lips. "Izzy, we can't."

"Can't what?"

"Do this."

"You mean on your piano? Would you rather go upstairs?"

"Izzy." In his voice I heard the truth. There would be no blood drinking or lovemaking tonight. "If I ever sink my teeth into your delectable flesh again, if I ever make love to you again, it will be for eternity."

My heart sped like a hummingbird's in my chest. "What exactly are you saying?"

Edward rolled off me, landing silently on the floor beside the piano. He scooped me in his arms, set me on my feet, and waited for our eyes to meet. His were obsidian now. He stalked in close, pressing me back against the piano and placed his hands on the top of it to either side of me. "If I have you again, I won't let you go. Thus far, being with me has been your choice, but if we cross that line . . . no longer. Every moment I've been apart from you has sent unimaginable agony rocketing through me that nothing but your touch can soothe. There are limits, Izzy, to what I can withstand." He leaned in closer and pressed his lips to mine once, a promise. "If you decide to share your blood and your body with me, you must be prepared to give yourself to me fully."

"Do you mean I have to . . . become a vampire?"

He trailed feathery kisses back and forth along my jaw. "Not if you don't want to, but whether you decide to remain human or be turned, you must accept me as your mate."

"This sounds so serious."

"The most serious decision you will ever make. It's forever, Izzy. Marriages can be dissolved, feelings fade away, but mates are eternal."

Being so close to him, hearing these words that spoke to something deep inside my soul, I wanted to throw caution to the wind and agree to his terms. At that moment, Tanya and the lies of omission seemed insignificant, so much falling away as I finally began to understand the depth of what Edward felt for me. "I—I . . ."

He placed a finger to my lips. "Shh . . . don't fret. You must think this through carefully—while you're away from me. I don't want you to be influenced by my proximity to you."

I clutched at his shirt. "Edward, don't make me go. I want to be here with you."

"Stay with me tonight, Izzy. Let me hold you in our bed while you sleep. The rest of this will keep."

"Yes."

Edward carried me upstairs to "our" room, to the bed we'd made love in so many times. He traced my face with his index finger, following its path with his eyes, and then pressed his lips to my forehead while he stroked my hair.

I breathed in his heavenly scent and fully relaxed for the first time in weeks. "I love you so much," I whispered against his neck.

"I love you, too. Sleep now, my beauty. You're safe."

I slipped into a dreamless sleep, wrapped in angel's wings.

**~*IWIPB*~**

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**A/N: Fair warning, guys: there are only a few chapters left of this story, and things are going to be intense. Thanks for your patience with my slow updates.**

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	24. Outtake: From the Depths

**Banner by: **Jaime Arkin

saritadreaming . Files . Wordpress 2012/10/su4k-sarita1-copy . png

_**From the Depths (an I Want It Painted Black Outtake)**_** by SaritaDreaming**

**Beta: **Sue (chayasara)

**Summary: **Izzy Black's only release valve is Jack, her Dom. Things get complicated when she can no longer deny her growing feelings for Edward, her ever patient vampire lover, and the guilt threatens to buckle her resolve not to fall in love with him. Takes place in the spaces between chapters 5 and 6 of _I Want It Painted Black_, but there are enough details to read as a stand-alone short story.

**Dedication: **Lovingly dedicated to Katalina (Kroseph) who has encouraged and inspired so many, including me.

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**PLEASE NOTE: Events in this outtake take place in the spaces between chapters 5 and 6 _before_ Edward took over as Izzy's Dom.**

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_**From the Depths**_

**~*Izzy*~**

My trembling fingers tightened around the vial of coke. I wanted to numb the fears threatening to consume me. Cold sweat dotted my forehead and trickled down my spine. The golden light spilling in through my bedroom window did nothing to dispel the terror.

The scene of James leaping through Edward's window and asking him to hand me over had featured in my nightmares for the past several nights. I was tired of waking up screaming and clutching at Edward. It was weak. Apparently, napping in the middle of the afternoon made no difference.

I held up the half empty vial of white powder, and my heart beat faster in anticipation of the high; my body readied itself for the release.

Then I remembered my promise to Ricky—and Edward—that I wouldn't do the hard stuff. "Shit." I tossed the vial back into my cigar box and slammed the dresser drawer so hard my cork board fell off the wall, its frame splintering. "Great."

The burn of tears stung my eyes. I wanted Edward. That was part of the problem—Edward was always there to pick up my pieces, always trying to be what I needed. The past few nights, I'd insisted on sleeping alone, nightmares be damned. He wasn't happy about it, but he'd agreed to stay away if I allowed his family to watch over me.

The dreams always ended the same way—with James severing Edward's head. Always Edward destroyed because of me and his insistence on protecting me. He still hadn't accepted that I wasn't worth the trouble.

The window slid up, startling me, and Alice popped through looking solemn. "He'll agree to see you." She sighed, pouting and crossing her arms like a petulant child.

"What? Who?"

"Jack." Alice spat out his name as if it were a dirty word. "He'll make time for you this evening . . . so you can blow off some steam."

"I don't have plans with Jack."

"Yes, you do. Unless you'd rather break your word . . ." She glared pointedly at my dresser. "Jasper and I will drive you."

A few hours later, I stood outside the door to Jack's suite, smoothing sweaty palms over my tight black mini-skirt. Jack had indeed agreed to a session, but he'd seemed reluctant at first, stating he needed to get back to me. When he'd called back, there was less tension in his usually carefree tone, and we'd agreed upon a time.

When I knocked, a beautiful woman opened the door. She was tall and curvy with exotic cheekbones and almond shaped gray eyes. Her silky black hair was swept up in a chignon, a few escaped tendrils framing her face. "Yes?"

"I'm here to see Jack."

Miss Exotica tilted her head to the side and looked me over with unabashed curiosity. "Come in." She led the way into the suite and offered me a drink.

"Got any JD?"

She wrinkled her nose with distaste but sashayed around the end of the bar to pour me a glass and handed it over. And that's when her necklace caught my eye—or should I say collar? It was a half-inch wide diamond encrusted choker with a "J" emblazoned front and center in gleaming sapphire.

A few times Jack had clipped a leather lead on me, but this was so obviously different. This woman meant something to Jack, and I'd probably interrupted their time together with my "emergency." I couldn't seem to stop staring at the very expensive necklace she wore or the matching set of dangling diamond earrings with a smaller version of the sapphire "J" that adorned her ears.

"May I offer you anything else?"

"No, thanks. Where's Jack?"

"Master is showering."

I perched on a stool at the bar and sipped my JD, trying not to stare at Miss Exotica. She kept herself busy tidying up, and when a door closed somewhere deeper inside the suite, she snapped to attention and excused herself. Picking up a pile of towels, she let herself into Jack's bedroom and shut the door behind her, leaving me alone in the living room. I picked at my stubby nails and felt thoroughly intimidated—and like an intruder.

When the bedroom door finally opened, Jack sauntered out with Miss Exotica in his wake. Her demeanor was completely changed; she trailed a few feet behind him with her head bent and eyes lowered. Jack's lower half was encased in a pair of black jeans. His chest was bare, with the exception of the gold cross he always wore, and his pecs gleamed with a fine sheen of moisture. He raked a hand through his still-damp hair and nodded my way before continuing on to the door of the suite with his sub matching his steps.

He picked up a handbag from the floor by the door and turned to face her. "You may look at me, Lucinda."

Lucinda raised her face, looking into his eyes with reverence. Jack placed a finger under her chin, tipping her face higher, and placed a lingering kiss on her lips. "Thank you for today. You'll be rewarded later. I'll call for you."

"I live to serve you, Master." She bowed her head and accepted the handbag.

Jack shut the door behind her, pressing his forehead against the highly polished wood.

Shame burned through me. The scene was so intimate. Jack cared for Lucinda, and I'd ruined their evening. She so readily accepted him being with other women? "Jack, I'm sorry if I—"

"Silence, doll." He faced me, his gaze frosty, and the words dried up in my throat. "Why are you sitting there drinking my liquor and looking me in the eye? Did Lucinda not provide a good example for you? Is your ass craving the sting of my palm?" The Dom was in.

Abandoning the glass of JD, I fell into a submissive pose. My face burned with indignation, but I kept my eyes lowered and waited in silence.

Jack gripped my jaw lightly in his hand and lifted my face. Wisely, I kept my eyes down. "Good girl. Rise and follow me to my room. Then I want you to strip and kneel beside the bed." His voice was low and commanding.

A sense of relief flooded my body, loosening the tension. _This is what I crave—giving over control to someone I have no emotional attachment to. Jack is safe. Allowing him to be in control is safe._

I stripped my clothes off, folded them neatly, and placed them on the chair beside the bed. Jack abhorred disorder. Last week he'd nearly tanned my hide for tossing my clothes to the floor and spent ten minutes lecturing me about how caring for my things was an extension of caring for myself. The eye roll I'd failed to suppress _had_ ended up earning me a sore ass.

The roughness of the carpet fibers bit into my knees after a while, but the pain kept me mindful. I was hardly a natural sub—the thought was actually laughable—but Jack had it right when he said sweet relief could be found in handing off my control to him.

Something silken slid up the skin of my back and over my shoulder. A length of soft black material dangled in front of my eyes for a moment, and then he blindfolded me with it. More tension seeped from my muscles as my sense of sight was blotted out, replaced by anticipation as the sounds around me heightened.

"Stand, doll."

I rose to my feet. The blindfold blessedly removed the stress of remembering not to look Jack in the eye.

"Good girl." Something soft whispered over my skin, starting at the inside of my ankle and wrapping slowly around my leg. When he reached the cleft of my ass, he switched sides, starting at the ankle and ending at the top of my inner thigh before continuing over my belly and ribs to my nipples, where the stimulation quickly reached the threshold of pleasurable pain. My lips parted, but I fought to remain still and managed not to cry out. "You're doing so well."

His large hand wrapped around my throat, and the warmth of his lips brushed along my jaw. The sensitizing implement was removed, and Jack tweaked a thrumming nub between his fingers, sending a jolt straight to my abdomen. I stiffened, going up on my toes, fighting to hold back a whimper. He palmed my sore breast, the roughness of his calloused hand rasping against my now super-sensitive nipple, ratcheting up the sensation and soothing it at the same time.

His fingers slid around to cup the back of my neck, his lips coming down on mine firmly. There was nothing tentative about the way Jack kissed; he took the lead, plundering my mouth with his tongue. His hand skimmed over my ribs and flattened against my back, crushing me against his body. The warm, pliant skin of his torso and the hard roughness of his denim-covered hips provided a heady contrast.

My hands remained at my sides; I wasn't allowed to touch unless invited. Despite my nakedness, I was intensely warm, almost to the point of discomfort. The JD I'd downed earlier lent a pleasant elasticity to my joints and probably contributed to the overall warmth suffusing my body.

Jack turned our mashed-together bodies while our lips were still connected and backed me toward the bed. When my knees touched the edge of the mattress, he broke the kiss and guided me down. The cool smoothness of silk sheets caressed my skin.

"Lay down in the middle of the bed and remain still."

I complied, my breathing shallow.

I heard the rustle of fabric as he removed his jeans. A brief silence followed before the bed dipped down as he joined me. Anticipation shuddered through me, and my eyes were open wide against the blackness of the blindfold—not a pinprick of light was visible.

"Don't move, doll."

A moment later, the bite of melted wax stung my navel. I hissed, arching my neck but keeping my body rigid. Cool wetness rimmed my belly button right after, icy drips tickling just inside. I bit my lip almost hard enough to draw blood. Almost there. I was almost there. If I failed at his instructions, he'd start the process all over again.

"Good job," Jack crooned, his lips grazing my ear. The bed creaked as he leaned over and opened the nightstand drawer where he kept the condoms. "As a reward, you choose—fast and hard or soft and slow?" His seductive tone sent shivers rippling over my skin. He pressed gentle kisses along the side of my face as he awaited my answer.

"Fast and hard, Sir." My answer was always the same. I wanted to be punished, to remain in the moment. I didn't deserve tenderness. Secretly, I think Jack enjoyed it that way himself; maybe then he didn't feel as guilty about Lucinda.

"Grab onto the headboard." Jack spread my legs and speared into me, wasting no time as he set off at the fast, punishing pace I reveled in.

I held onto the wooden slats, the sharp edges digging into my hands. As he filled me over and over, my mind balked, splitting in two—part of me loving the unemotional attachment while the other cried out for Edward, craving his cool hardness and the tender way he made love to me. _Don't go there. Don't think of _him_right now._

After a recent incident when Jack had punished me for not coming on command, I'd finally admitted I couldn't reach orgasm during sex. _You do every time you're with Edward . . ._ my inner banshee taunted.

"You may touch yourself, but don't come." Jack's gritty baritone pulled me from my thoughts and back to the bedroom.

Letting go of the headboard, I slid a hand between our writhing bodies and circled two fingers around, bringing myself higher but not close enough to disobey Jack's command.

"Yes, good girl." He thrust harder into me, bringing me to the brink of release.

It was hard not to just fall over the edge. I was becoming skilled at holding it back, but I'd given in a number of times and received the sting of Jack's palm as punishment. Warmth coiled in my abdomen, and I panted, waiting for permission to let go.

"God, yes . . ." Jack grunted. "Come for me, doll."

As if my body called him Master and recognized his command, ribbons of ecstasy unfurled from the center of me, spiraling outward. I was completely vulnerable, putty under Jack's hands, biting my lip to keep from crying out. I was allowed to be vocal now, but something inside stopped me every time.

Jack rolled off me, and I curled into a ball in the middle of his bed with the blindfold still in place. By the movement of the mattress and his heavy breathing, I knew he was perched on the side of the bed.

Now that the high had worn off, my stomach churned unpleasantly and I trembled. This wasn't the first incident, but it was far worse this time, and I fought to gain control over myself.

"Hey . . ." Jack's voice was soft, and he laid a hand on my shoulder.

I hunched further into a ball, attempting to shut him out.

"Izzy, what's going on?" He stripped the silky material away from my eyes, and the soft candlelight pierced my vision for a moment before I acclimated. "Why are you crying? Did I hurt you?"

"I'm _not _crying." My voice was shaky but my tone scathing.

"Yes, you are."

The tender touch of his fingers on my cheek was too much, and I pulled away. "Get the fuck away from me, okay? Just . . . get out."

"This is my room."

"Can I please have a few minutes alone?"

"I'll be in the living room."

I faced away from Jack while he pulled his jeans on and padded from the room, shutting the door gently. I wanted to get up and slam the door. I wanted to break everything in the room. There was nobody to blame but me.

I swiped a hand over my face, and it came back wet with tears. "Fuck me." I knew why this was happening, and I hated it. That burn churning inside me? That was guilt.

I leaped from the bed and yanked my clothes on, not even bothering to shower. I just wanted to be away from here as soon as humanly possible. My need for what Jack could do for me hadn't lessened, but my ability to make excuses for it was waning. Somewhere a scale was tipping, and the thought sent a torrent of rage into my bloodstream.

When I rushed into the living room, Jack sat calmly at the bar tipping back a bottle of beer. A glass of JD sat at the empty stool beside him. The dark bottle touched down on the bar top and he tilted his head, taking me in appraisingly, but he said nothing.

"I'm sorry, Jack. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Sit. Have a drink with me."

I shook my head. "I have to get out of here." Grabbing my bag, I headed toward the door then hesitated. "Who was that woman?"

"My sub, obviously." He continued staring into his beer.

"She's not just any sub, Jack. I saw her collar."

"It's none of your business, Izzy, just like I don't ask you about _him_."

My chest tightened. "There's nothing to know there."

"Bullshit." Jack turned his frostiest glare on me. "Let it go. I don't understand the dynamics of your relationship, and you can't even begin to understand mine." He laughed shortly, shaking his head.

"Goodnight, Jack."

"'Night, Izzy. Take care of yourself, okay?"

"I always do."

_Even if it destroys everyone around me._

When I reached the bar, it was in full swing. People were drinking, dancing, talking, and laughing. Men were hitting on women, people were tipsy, and the bouncers were busy. My nerves were raw, and I wanted a quiet, dark place.

There was no sign of Alice or Jasper, so I ducked under the end of the bar and tugged on Johnny's sleeve. "Have you seen my friends? Little short girl with dark hair and a tall, lanky guy with blond curls?"

Without missing a beat, Johnny continued mixing ingredients in a shaker. "Alice stopped by a few hours ago. Said she had to go, but a ride would be waiting out front for you."

"Thanks, Johnny."

"Drink for the road?"

"No, thanks. See you."

Usually, I'd be up for partying, but I pushed my way through the press of bodies, the scent of stale cigarettes and alcohol along with the loud voices nauseating me. The entryway loomed ahead, and I rejoiced once the door swung open and a rush of cold air swept over my fevered skin.

It was a damp, dark night. Disembodied swirls of fog clung to the wet pavement and hovered in a halo around the buildings, shrouding the entrances to nearby alleyways. Voices bounced around, seeming to come from everywhere at once.

"Alice?" I called softly, knowing she'd hear me wherever she was.

A light scuff by the curb drew my attention, and Edward materialized out of the fog where he'd been leaning against the Aston Martin. He approached slowly, his face remaining in shadow.

"Edward. What are you doing here?" My heart lurched in my chest.

"Alice called me. She saw you might need me tonight." His voice was velvet soft and kind, not hard and angry like I deserved.

How fucked up was it for Edward to pick me up after I'd just left my Dom? I was relieved to see him and deeply ashamed at the same time. I poised there on the sidewalk, unsure how to react. Alice set me up. She must have seen what a hard time I would have tonight, how guilty I would feel, and decided to throw a little kindling onto the bonfire. I was too bone weary to be angry with her. Maybe tomorrow.

My rumination was cut short when Edward yanked me up against him with a growl. He ran his nose along my jaw and down the side of my neck. His fingers tightened on my arms for a moment—then they were gone and he stepped back, looking away. "I'm sorry."

"Edward, what the hell?"

"His scent . . . it's all over you." He growled again, low in his throat.

He'd never picked me up at Jack's before. I'd always had plenty of time to shower and remove all traces of Jack's scent. My mouth opened and closed again. What did you say to your vampire lover when he picked you up from your human Dom's? Tears stung my eyes for the second time tonight, and I blinked rapidly. It didn't matter; Edward could smell them.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"It's all right. I should have . . . been prepared. Come. Get in. You must be freezing out here." Edward, always the quintessential gentleman, put a guiding hand on my elbow and led me to the Aston Martin.

More than a little mortified, I curled in a ball on the seat and opened my window half way. The thought of Jack's scent hovering like a ghost in the car with us was abhorrent to me . . . not just Jack's smell but our mingled post coital essence. My cheeks burned with shame.

Edward pulled smoothly away from the curb, heading away from Port Angeles. Vague shadows whipped by as we hurtled through the fog-laden night. He rested a hand on my arm. "Are you okay?"

"I will be."

His fingers slid down to entwine with mine. He seemed to intuit that I wasn't in a talkative mood, and we rode in silence until the car turned into the Cullens' drive.

"You're bringing me to your house?"

"Yes. Alice dropped off some of your things, and my family will give us privacy." The Aston Martin braked to a gentle stop in front of the house and Edward turned the car off. He bowed his head for a moment before speaking again. "I'm sorry if you were taken by surprise tonight. It wasn't my intention to upset you."

"You didn't, Edward."

"Your body language and the chemicals in your bloodstream say different," he countered.

"Can we just go inside?" I huffed, opening my door and stepping out into the chilly night, my boots crunching on the gravel. I never heard him come up behind me, but he was right there, swinging me up into his arms and carrying me to his room. I batted at his chest, trying to squirm my way out of his embrace. "Put me down!"

He set me on my feet with a wounded look. "Have I done something wrong? Haven't I given you enough space?"

Turning my back to him, I rummaged through my bag, grabbing a nightshirt and a pair of panties. The breath stuck in my chest, and I could only manage a croak. "Edward, no. It's not you at all. Don't you get it?" Without looking at his beautiful face, I raced for the bathroom and slammed the door shut, leaning against it.

Edward thought he did something to offend me. The very thought caused a wave of pain to radiate through my being. The way I felt could only be compared to a pressure cooker, and I desperately needed a release valve. That's what my sessions with Jack were for, but it no longer seemed to work. For the first time in weeks, I wanted to cut. My trusty blade was out in the bedroom where Edward was, so I opened the medicine cabinet and rifled around looking for a razor blade. Then I remembered vampires don't need to shave. "Fuck me," I whispered. My nails weren't long enough to do much damage, but I raked them over the tender skin of my forearms hard enough to draw tiny beads of blood—it would just have to do.

In the shower, I turned the water up as hot as I could stand it and scrubbed at my body until my skin was raw. Bits of red wax washed down the drain, a few larger pieces lodging in the trap. As the night played behind my eyes, I pressed my forehead against the steamy tile and allowed my tears to fall freely. _You're a pathetic mess, Izzy Black._

Why did I feel as if I'd cheated on Edward? He knew the score and was willing to continue on. _That doesn't make it right. That doesn't mean this is how you really want it._

It didn't matter what I wanted; this was how it had to be. I couldn't afford to fall for Edward or allow him to squeeze through a chink in my armor. I'd spent so much time and precious energy building a carefully constructed fortress around my heart and emotions. If the walls crumbled, I might not survive—especially if something went wrong between us.

_You can't deny the guilt's eating away at your insides like a caustic acid._

I lost track of time, and eventually the hot water ran out and the ice cold spray pelted my body, searing my skin. I didn't care. I never wanted to come out of the bathroom and face him—because that meant facing my own feelings, and that was too dangerous.

Like most things, the decision was taken out of my hands.

One moment I huddled under the freezing water, and the next, Edward was in the shower with me, fully clothed. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in tight against his body.

I tried to fight him off at first, my wet hands sliding off his shirt, and I refused to look into his eyes—but I knew even as I fought that it was futile. His strength outweighed my own, both emotionally and physically. He would be patient and wait until I stopped flailing or ran out of energy. Strong and steadfast.

It was too late to hide my tears, so I collapsed against him in the shower and cried my heart out. He reached over to turn off the taps then held me tightly, my head tucked beneath his chin, rocking us to and fro silently. Despite the freezing water and his cold body, I felt warm and safe in his embrace. I was too tired to think about what that meant, and my inner banshee was silent for once.

When my tears slowed to a trickle, Edward dried me with a fluffy towel and pulled my nightshirt over my head, dressing me like a child. I didn't fight him.

"Wait here for a moment," he requested softly.

In a flash, he was back in the bathroom, dried and dressed. He took my hand, leading me into his room, and turned down the covers on the bed. I allowed him to sit me down, swing my legs up, and tuck the duvet under my chin. I finally gazed into his eyes, and they were filled with sorrow—not the pity or anger or frustration I expected.

"What can I do?" His voice was low and anguished.

I knew his question went deeper than what he could do at that moment, but I wasn't ready to go there—not even in my own heart and mind. I reached up and caressed the cool smoothness of his cheek. "Will you lay with me?"

"Of course . . . anything." He tumbled over me, landing on the other side of the bed on top of the covers.

I turned my head until we were nose to nose on my pillow and gazed into his warm honey eyes. "Thank you," I whispered.

"For what?"

"Everything. For not judging me . . . for putting up with my shit . . . for knowing when not to push. I don't deserve you."

"Shh . . . nonsense." Edward cupped the back of my head and brought our lips together softly. There it was—that electric tingling thrumming through my body, but he seemed to intuit that even though Jack's scent had been washed away, I couldn't give him anything more than kisses tonight. He traced his fingers over my face, looking deeply into my eyes. "I'm not going anywhere."

When he leaned in, I didn't stop him from kissing me. It was slow and unhurried and left a brand on my soul—one it would take time to recognize the true meaning of, but one that would eventually transform my entire existence.

**~*IWIPB*~**


	25. Chapter 23 Darkfall

**A/N: Hello, dear readers! I've had personal issues going on that made it almost impossible to write for a while. Things seem to be getting back on track, and I hope to have updates out more frequently.**

**WARNING: The next few chapters are going to be angst-filled. I promise to bring Izzy and Boyscout's story to a satisfactory close, but the terrain is going to be rough. If you can't handle this, you might want to hold off reading. I won't give any plot away, but I'm willing to answer yay or nay about whether this story has a HEA if you send me a PM. I don't want to spoil for those who don't want to know. **

**Mucho thanks to my prereaders and sidekicks, Keye and Sandy. Love you gals to pieces!**

**Love my awesome betas, Katmom and SassySue (chayasara), for wielding their sparkly reds and taming my foolery. Mwah!**

* * *

**Chapter 23**

**~Darkfall~**

* * *

**Songlist:**

**Erase This ~ Evanescence**

**Radiate ~ Puddle of Mud**

**Take Her Out ~ Alice in Chains**

**If I had a Heart ~ Fever Ray**

_**This is the end  
Hold your breath and count to ten  
Feel the earth move and then  
Hear my heart burst again**_

_**~ from Skyfall by Adele**_

**~*Edward*~ **

Izzy slept wrapped in my arms. This might be the closest to heaven I would ever get now. The temptation to take her on my piano was great, but I knew it was important to stick to my resolve. After being separated from her for weeks, there was no way I'd have the control to let her go again.

"Edward . . ." Izzy murmured, tossing a leg over my thighs, anchoring herself to me, "don't go . . ." Questing fingers bunched my T-shirt and twisted.

"Shh . . . I'm not going anywhere." I placed my lips against her temple and stroked her hair. When she was asleep, I could touch and hold her without worry of rejection. Even in the early days, when Izzy was still fighting her attraction to me, she'd always responded in her sleep.

She settled, fingers opening until her palm rested against my chest, sleeping peacefully for a few hours before growing agitated once more. It started with mumbling and an elevated heart rate, progressing to Izzy thrashing, kicking at the sheets, and becoming hopelessly twisted. I tried to extricate her from the tangled Egyptian cotton, but she shrieked, batting her arms in the air, and a blunt force sent me sailing off the bed. I skidded across the floor, stopping short of busting through the wall.

I was up and at the side of the bed a moment later, but I kept my hands to myself. "Izzy, it's all right. You're in our bed—safe."

"Edward?" Izzy's drowsy voice held an edge of fright.

"Right here." I tried to lean over and touch her, but an invisible wall surrounded the bed. "Izzy, you're shielding, baby."

She sat up, spreading her arms wide. "I'm not."

The shield remained in place, and tears filled her eyes when I was unable to touch her. Izzy knelt on the bed and crawled toward me. As she crept closer, I was forced back, sliding across the floor.

"No! How do I shut it off?" Panic twisted her face into a mask of distress. "I want to touch you!"

"Give yourself a minute. You were having a bad dream." I tried to soothe her, but deep inside, the unconscious use of her power scared me, too. "Take deep breaths and try to calm down."

Izzy sat back on her heels, palms resting on her thighs, and took several breaths. After a few minutes, I was able to draw closer. She threw her arms around my neck and held on tight, shivering.

"What the hell was that, Edward?"

"I'm sure it happened because you were dreaming—a self-defense mechanism." I rubbed her back and held her close. "Nothing to worry about. Think you can fall back to sleep?"

"No, and I don't want to." Izzy lifted her head and raised her beautiful eyes to mine. "I don't want to waste time with my eyes closed because then . . . I see _him_ instead of you."

Gentle fingers caressed my jaw, her troubled gaze dropping to my lips. I was about to answer, but she pushed forward and covered my mouth with hers. My hands slid down to her waist and pulled her closer as our lips moved together hungrily, tongues tangling, bodies pressed together chest to chest. There was an urgency between us, a need to get closer. It wasn't about sex—though I wanted her as much as ever—it was a pure, raging need to touch, to meld into one being. An electric hum filled me, tingling strongest wherever Izzy and I were touching.

Izzy gasped, pulling back from the kiss. "Tell me you feel that." Her fingers clawed at my shoulders.

"I feel it." I brought my lips back to hers, sliding one hand into her hair, cupping the back of her head.

Talking was the last thing on my mind at that moment; I needed to experience the tactile sensations of our mate connection. Maybe it was because I didn't know if she would ever say the words I needed to hear: that she accepted me as her mate and wanted me for eternity. The very thought of her deciding to turn her back on me created a gnawing pain inside, and I knew it wouldn't ease until she agreed to my terms.

I rose slowly to my feet and joined Izzy on the bed, lowering her carefully onto her side with me. Warm fingers slid over my neck to tangle in the back of my hair, and she wrapped one long leg around my waist. I rested a deceptively casual hand on her hip, but my insides were churning from the sustained physical connection and the scent of her arousal.

Izzy rested her head on my arm and gazed into my eyes, her fingers leaving my hair and sliding over my shoulder, up the side of my neck, and across my jaw to trace lightly across my lips. I kissed her fingers. With her hand on my mouth, our eyes remained locked as the minutes ticked by. Some kind of unspoken communication took place; I didn't dare speak and risk breaking the spell.

Eventually, Izzy lowered her eyes, but the soft, warm pads of her fingers continued to brush lightly across my lips, setting off sparks inside me. "Edward . . . I don't know what to do with all this—with what I feel for you." Her brows lowered. "When I'm away from you, I miss you, and when I'm with you, I can't seem to get close enough. I'm . . . afraid." The last part came out as barely a whisper.

I cupped her cheek, skimming my thumb over it gently. When our eyes met once more, she pulled her fingers away from my lips and tucked them under the collar of my shirt. "What do you fear?" I asked gently.

Her dark eyes held my own, and this time she didn't look down. "I'm afraid of losing myself, and I'm terrified of what you mean to me."

"Which do you fear more?"

Tears pooled in her eyes. "I don't know anymore." She shook her head.

I rubbed my thumb across her quivering bottom lip then leaned in and kissed her softly. For the rest of the night, we kissed, caressed, and held on for dear life. Izzy was close to making a decision, and I was in her thrall, unable to do more than melt under the intensity of our night of unconsummated yearning.

The morning came too soon, and with it, reality. She'd spent the night in my arms, but she was living on the res. There were also my terms of surrender hovering over us, making our parting at the treaty line bittersweet.

Izzy pressed her entire body against mine and gripped my face in her hands, kissing me long and hard. "I love you," she said as she turned and stalked away without looking back.

The next few days proved to be difficult. I had to restrain myself from texting, calling, begging. Izzy needed time to think without me clouding the issue with my presence, and with her so close to making a decision, I continued fasting. In some way, I felt hunting now would jinx everything. What a ridiculous and foolish notion.

The wolves had a regimen they followed, a schedule of patrolling their land. Routines sometimes breed languidness, inattention, and lapses. Routines also make it easier to conceive of and implement malicious machinations.

Paul and Embry had just passed the treaty line on their usual afternoon patrol when it happened. A rustling in the trees all around me was the first indication something was amiss. Paul and Embry phased, both of them raising their muzzles to the sky and howling. It was the call of danger, the warning of a vampire threat.

Six newborn vampires stepped out of the trees, spread evenly apart. Their red eyes gleamed madly, and they reeked of fresh kills. Four males, two females, all moving far too carefully.

I fell into a crouch and growled, meeting their eyes one by one, searching for the leader.

_That's him—the one James told us to locate._ The thought came from a male to my left.

_He's hot. That's too bad. _A female to the right.

A tall male with shaggy black hair pulled a phone from his pocket, and they all looked to him and began advancing as one at his nod.

Jacob shot out of the trees, skidding to a stop with his paws just over the treaty line. He bared his teeth and snarled at the assembled newborns. A few of them hissed at the wolves but continued to edge forward.

Again I was struck by their inaction. Newborns tend to be volatile, prone to rapid movement and spur of the moment decisions, yet this group seemed to be coordinated, to have a plan. The fact James' name came up signaled deeper trouble.

"Where's James?" I addressed my question to the one with the phone.

He smirked at me, his upper lip lifting sharply on one side as he dangled the phone in the air. "I'll be calling him shortly. Stick around."

A scan of his mind indicated he didn't know where James was or what he was planning. He was simply instructed to call him when they had me surrounded.

More wolves showed up at the treaty line, and I cursed my luck that Alice was incapable of seeing around them. My fingers itched to grab my phone, but it seemed more important that I figure out what was happening here.

And then it hit me—the more wolves that were gathered at the border, the less protection the res had, and by extension, the less protected Izzy was.

"Jacob, where is she?"

_Walking by the beach. Quil and Leah are with her._

At that moment, the howl of more wolves sounded in the distance.

_Shit! More vampires._ Realization filled Jacob's eyes. _Not again._

"Jacob, go! All of you—get to Izzy. Protect her!" My gaze shifted between the grinning newborn leader and the wolves.

Paul snarled, taking off almost before my words were out, Embry at his heels.

I sensed the minds of several more vampires advancing through the woods. Jacob whined.

"Jacob, go!"

_No, Edward. They'll kill you—there's too many of them._

I slipped my hand in my pocket and hit redial. Carlisle was the last one I'd called. He was at the hospital today, but I prayed he'd hear what was happening and call Alice.

"My family is on the way, and I can outrun them."

_This is suicide. There're more of them coming—too many._

"She's all that matters. Don't fail her."

With a growl and a string of expletives, Jacob raced away toward the beach, leaving me alone with eleven newborns—the six before me and the other five hidden in the woods.

Carlisle's voice came faint and tinny through the speaker of my phone, which was still in my pocket. _"__Hello? Hello? Edward?"_

They heard him, too. The leader grinned at me.

"Why are you here at the border of Quileute land?" I asked, knowing it would give Carlisle information to go by.

"We're here for you, Edward Cullen. James doesn't want you to miss the show."

"What show?" Cold dread slithered over me like a reptile, and I knew. "No."

"Oh, yes." The leader leered at me and strode forward. "On your knees."

The newborns began closing the noose around me. For a moment, I contemplated running. There was a fair chance I could lead them around until my family arrived, but if they were here then James was on the res and must have a plan that included me. If I ran and ruined his scheme, he might kill Izzy on the spot. Maybe the wolves would get to her in time, maybe not. There was no decision, really. Izzy was my mate, and I would do anything—sacrifice anything—to give her a fighting chance.

I fell to my knees.

**~*IWIPB*~**

**~*Izzy*~**

Ever since Edward had dropped me off at the treaty line a few days ago, I'd sequestered myself in the cabin, speaking to no one. Paul had banged on the door, threatening to break it down, but eventually gave up and advised me there would be a wolf sentry watching over me around the clock. That was fine by me; it made it easier since they were in wolf form, and there was no need to see or speak to them. One or another skulked around outside, and more often than not, I couldn't spot them even if I tried.

I ignored calls from Ricky and Jack. Edward had agreed to give me space to think and feel without his influence, and I was thankful there was no need to blow him off—the guilt would have eaten me alive.

Being apart from Edward was difficult but offered a sense of freedom I'd never before experienced because this was a sanctioned separation. For the first time, I allowed myself to think about what he meant to me without holding back. His love and devotion, protectiveness, willingness to do anything for me . . . the intense sexual flames surging between us. I understood why he'd kept his lack of sexual history from me—even why he'd waited to admit we were mates. On the heels of this understanding came a personal revelation: The true source of my ire was none other than myself. As far as I'd progressed under Edward's gentle wing, I was still a rude, foul-mouthed bitch full of issues. I wasn't good enough for him. The girl in the mirror was still a ways off, and I wondered if the strength to become her resided in me at all. That was the crux of the matter, the main source of my distress, and the precipitator of my misguided behavior.

This discovery caused a tightening in my chest and sent me running for the bottle of JD in the cabinet. I downed enough to get a buzz on and smoked several cigarettes in a row, wishing I had something stronger to take the edge off.

_That's part of the reason you're in this situation, isn't it? Stop being a pussy who hides behind drugs, and face the truth for a change,_ the scathing voice of my inner banshee piped up.

For once, I couldn't argue with or fault her reasoning. Instead, I broke down in tears and cried myself to sleep. I dreamed of a dark tunnel with warm, magnetized light streaming from one end. My feet carried me toward it without my consent, but I had no will to fight it—I wanted to feel the pure love and acceptance that awaited me.

"Izzy."

I glanced to my right and came face-to-face with the girl in the mirror, the one I must become if I ever wanted to be worthy of Edward, worthy of being an immortal walking beside him for all of eternity. My mouth gaped. I fell so short, it seemed I might never be good enough.

"That's not true, Izzy." She frowned and shook her head. "You're closer than you know, but you mustn't succumb to the light. Whenever you're tempted, _remember his love_. Remember being wrapped in angel wings. His pure devotion to you will save us in the end."

"I'm not good enough. He deserves better."

"You _are_ good enough! Edward loves you. You are his destiny, his mate, and he is yours. You must grow beyond the insecurity, and take your rightful place by his side." The emphatic way she spoke smacked of a warning.

"Why? What do you know?"

"You must . . . "

A pop and hiss in the fireplace jolted me out of my sleep, and her words faded. I cursed, sitting up and running my hands through my tangled hair. I grabbed my phone, fingers hesitating over the keys as I contemplated texting Edward. In the end, I tossed it on the coffee table and paced around the cabin like a wild woman.

Sleep finally found me again, and the next time I opened my eyes, it was close to noon. Tired of the stench of my own funk—both literal and figurative—I showered and dressed, finally emerging from the cabin.

The day was overcast and cool, a fine mist suspended in the air that left a sheen of droplets coating my face and hair in no time. I pulled the hoodie snugly around me and covered my damp hair. Twigs and underbrush snapped and rustled beneath my boots as I trudged through the woods on my way to First Beach.

Two Quileute patrolled in wolf form; Quil scouted ahead and Leah hovered just behind. Part of me resented their presence. Another part of me was grateful for it. I never wanted to face off alone with James again—not even for a few seconds.

Angry at my weakness, I lit a cigarette and took a strong drag just as the beach came into view. To call this sand was rather laughable, really. It was stony, rough, and granular, bits of broken shell crunching beneath my steel-toed black combat boots—the ones Darren had gifted to me. He'd refused to take my money, giving me the stink-eye and suggesting that we were officially "even." Whatever. The boots were freakin' awesome, and best of all, waterproof.

It wasn't lost on me that my personality was as grating and abrasive as the sand on First Beach. I endeavored to resemble something between here and the fine grains of Rio. A smirk tugged at my lips as I blew a plume of smoke into the damp air. It left my face a few seconds later when I started ruminating on my relationship with Edward and how our extended separation was partially my fault. I'd been so busy pushing him away and playing the injured party that I hadn't listened closely enough to all the voices around me telling me what an ass I was being. Paul, Jacob, Jack, Ricky . . . even Leah.

Again, the painful realization of how short I fell of the girl in the mirror twisted in my gut. Edward wasn't the problem—I was. I'd been punishing him for my shortcomings, concealing it within my anger over his lies of omission, but deep down I knew he never meant to hurt me. As long as I was being completely truthful, I admitted Edward had gone out of his way to love, cherish, and protect me almost from the day we met. Tears stung my eyes as memories of him coming to my room to keep the nightmares at bay and the night he snatched the vial of coke out of my hands and we shared our first kiss came to mind. He saw something in me and refused to give up.

I vowed to get my shit together. Once we dispensed with James, I still had to overcome the hurdle of becoming who I wanted to be—needed to be—to become a vampire.

_Your willingness to admit all the things you have today brings you so much closer. _The voice was new, a kind and benevolent one.

A feeling of warmth bloomed, starting on the inside and radiating outward. I stumbled over my own feet in surprise. The kernel of hope that had been planted when I first came upon the girl in the mirror _had_ taken root. It was her voice.

Now I just had to find a way to nurture my hope so I could be with Edward. Maybe we could be together while I transformed into a good enough human to go through the process of becoming his forever. My heart quickened at the thought of being in his arms again.

I put my cigarette out in the sand then stored the extinguished butt in my hoodie pocket. The water lapped at the shore, thin streams pulling back through the silt as it retreated. For a long time, I stood staring out over the rippling water.

When I continued walking along the shore, Quil still roved ahead, playfully slapping his snout at the edge of the water. Leah hung behind, her head bent low, an unreadable look in her yellow eyes.

Quil's head came up sharply, and his body stilled. I shaded my eyes and tried to follow his line of vision. A lone figure poised atop the cliffs fell into a dive. The trajectory was off, and it was obvious he was headed for land instead of water. I gasped, slapping a hand over my mouth.

"Quil, who is it?"

Leah raced up beside me and growled.

As the body in free fall drew close to the sand, he curled into a ball and somersaulted, landing on his feet like a cat. Or a vampire.

"James . . ." His name came out in a breathy exhalation. My heart stuttered and pounded, the pulse in my temples throbbing hard enough to cause my vision to waver slightly. "Shit."

James held his arms out wide. "Miss me, princess?" He glanced over at Leah and crooked a finger. "I remember you, little gray wolf. Want to join us?"His tone was full of sensual promise.

Leah snarled and muscled her way in front of me. The ruff around Quil's neck stood on end, and he bared his teeth as he advanced on James.

Two more vampires arrived on the beach—one emerging from the surf, the other from the wood line. Howls filled the air, warning of the imminent danger, spreading across the res as more Quileute phased.

My insides quivered as I tried to catch my breath. I had no flare gun this time. Leah and Quil were about to be occupied by the other vampires, leaving me alone to face James.

He stepped forward casually, a hand in the pocket of his jeans. "Do I know how to make an entrance?"

I stared back at him in stony silence. Inside, I desperately tried to get my bearings and figure out how long it would take the other wolves to arrive.

"Oh, are you feeling shy today? Let's see if I can draw you out of your shell." His smarmy grin wasn't what sent a wave of fear radiating through me—it was the look of utter confidence in his claret eyes. "Any moment now, princess. Then you'll learn why you should never fuck with me."

To either side of me, there was snarling and hissing—Quil by the water, Leah by the trees—but neither side had made a move yet. I couldn't afford to take my eyes from James no matter what I heard.

"Oh, and here we go!" James pulled a phone from his pocket. "Are we all set? . . . Good. Set the phone to video conference."

More howls echoed in the air, much closer now, but not close enough. I could use my power to keep James at bay for a short time, but it would be prudent to wait as long as possible.

"Are you ready?" James walked forward, turning the screen my way as he did.

The sight of Edward on his knees, surrounded by vampires, caused a rush of cold inside me. "No! Edward?"

Apparently, Edward could see me, too. "Izzy, hold on. The wolves are on their way." His eyes brimmed with fire and resignation at the same time.

"You . . . sent them after me? What about you?"

Edward swallowed hard and shook his head. "You're all that matters to me."

"What about what matters to me?" Tears slipped down my cheeks.

James turned the phone around, and I lost sight of Edward. "Bravo. The sweet lament of true love. Don't die for me . . . oh, but I don't want you to die, either. Sadly, the choice is out of your hands." His quiet, mocking tone turned into an enraged shout. "You shouldn't have fucked with me!"

"James, please . . . don't do this. Nobody has to die. Take me."

"Ah, princess." James shook his head slowly. "There was a time that would have sufficed. Before you shot me with a flare gun and demonstrated some kind of power. You hurt me, and now I'm about to return the favor."

"Damn you."

"No, damn _you_. You could have been by my side as an equal. I'm going to kill your precious Edward while you watch, and then I'm taking you with me. Can't guarantee how long you'll survive with the mood I'm in."

"Let him go, and I'll do whatever you want."

"_Izzy, no!"_ Edward's agitated voice came through the speaker of James' phone along with hissing, growls, and scuffling.

A crafty, heated look came over James' face. He glanced down at the phone then up at me. "Do you mean it, princess?"

"Yes! I'll stay with you as long as I know Edward is alive. I won't try to get away."

He stepped in closer and licked his lips lasciviously. "You'll be a willing participant? After all, if I want a corpse, I could dig one up."

I swallowed back bile and nodded. "You'll never be able to tell how much I despise you."

He threw his head back and laughed. "I enjoy your fire. It will be even more enjoyable between the sheets."

"Let Edward go—and don't harm any of the wolves."

A few things happened at once, ruining my plans.

As James reached forward to touch me, his hand met with an invisible barrier. For a moment, he seemed confused, but his expression morphed into one of anger. "What the fuck is this?"

_Shit, not now!_ I screamed inside, trying desperately to take down my shield. I didn't know how it went up and had no idea how to take it down. "Shit—I'm sorry. Give me a sec . . ."

The thundering of many paws rushing through the woods reached us. My head whipped to the left in time to see Paul shoot out from between two trees, kicking up a cloud of sand as he hit the beach at a full run.

"Paul, no!"

More vampires appeared on the beach. This had the potential to become a bloodbath of epic proportions.

"Please, everyone stop! James, you want me. I'll go with you." I reached trembling fingers toward his face, and James stumbled back. When I drew closer, he was pushed back again. I cried out in frustration. "I'm not doing this on purpose."

"What kind of game are you playing?" James snarled, lunging at me.

Just like the time in Carlisle's office with Edward, James couldn't touch me no matter how hard he tried. He turned into an animal, slavering and cursing as he beat at the invisible wall. After a few minutes, he turned his back to me and raised the phone to his mouth.

"Cory, kill him—and make sure Humpty Dumpty can't be put back together again."

"With pleasure, boss."

"Slow and painful."

"No! You can't! I agree to your terms—" I threw myself at James but only succeeded in knocking him to the ground.

"You can't even control your power. I have no use for you or your boyfriend." James turned the phone to face me. "Now watch as your precious Edward pays for your mistakes."

I didn't want to watch this, but on their own, my eyes moved to the screen. Edward was still on his knees, snarling at his captors. When our eyes met, his jaw tightened. "Izzy, save yourself. Don't let this be in vain."

"_Edward_ . . ." The tears fell from my eyes, scalding my cheeks.

Cory nodded to another vampire who stepped forward and placed his knee between Edward's shoulder blades as he yanked back, detaching his arm. I slapped a hand over my mouth, but the scream pushed past my fingers. Edward gritted his teeth and let out a strangled cry of pain.

"Stop this! Don't hurt him anymore!"

A howl rang out in the air, a war cry, and then the wolves attacked the vampires. Fighting, snarling, and screams of pain rose all around me, but I could only focus on Edward.

"James, please."

James looked me right in the eye and said, "Remember, Cory—slow and painful."

Cory stuck his hand in Edward's arm socket, his fist coming out drenched in silvery venom. Edward screamed that time. It was too much for me to bear.

"You son of a bitch! I'll kill you, James!" I stalked forward, and James was pushed back.

He laughed. "You can't even touch me. How do you plan on killing me?"

My world became still. I existed in a vacuum, the sounds of fighting around me drowned out by the growing energy gathering within. _~FLEX~_ And then it was just like my dream—I desired to rip James apart, and his arm separated from his body with a mighty crack. He shrieked in pain.

I stepped forward and fell to my knees. "Kill you . . ." I rasped. Something hot and wet gushed from my nose. I parted my lips and tasted the rusty salt of my own blood.

"_Izzy, stop! You'll die!"_ Edward's panicked voice drew my attention to the sand, where the phone still lay cradled in the palm of the hand on the end of James' severed arm.

"Shut up!" Cory pushed Edward to the ground and placed his booted heel between Edward's shoulder blades. "James, what the fuck is going on over there?"

James continued to shriek and curse. I went to work on his leg next. "Die, you asshole!" ~FLEX~ His left leg stiffened and jerked to the side as it partially separated from his trunk.

I lost all feeling in my body and toppled to the sand. Blood oozed from my mouth when I coughed. "Not yet," I whispered.

Paul hurtled past me, taking an already off-balance James down to the ground and tearing at his throat. My vision started to blur, and I returned my gaze to the phone and Edward's beautiful, worried face. There we both were with our faces pressed to the ground, looking into each other's eyes through a cell phone screen.

"Edward . . . love you . . . always. _Forgive_ . . . me."

"Oh, Izzy . . . I love you. Just hold on for me, baby."

My body was no longer under my control. I blinked one final time, and then even as my eyes remained open, a tear gathered at one corner. No matter how hard I tried, I could no longer speak or move.

"Izzy! Izzy, _no_!" Edward struggled on the ground, reaching a hand out with his fingers extended as if he could touch me through the phone. "Damn it, fight!"

I was no longer cold. All sensation drained away, then my hearing, and finally a dark shroud slipped over my vision, sucking me into the abyss.

**~*IWIPB*~**

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**A/N: Tell me what you're thinking, peeps! I love and appreciate all of you. Thanks for your unfailing support. I'm already part way into the next chapter, but I'm just getting back into my stride and hope to have the chapter out in 2-3 weeks.**

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	26. Chapter 24 Awakenings

**A/N: Hello, awesome readers! I have one thing to say before you read this chapter—have faith.**

**Ever grateful to Keye and Sandy, my lovely and loyal prereaders.**

**Huge thanks to my awesome betas, Katmom and SassySue (chayasara), for wielding the red pens and keeping my writing coherent.**

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**Chapter 24**

**~Awakenings~**

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**Songlist:**

**My Heart is Broken ~ Evanescence**

**Breath of Life ~ Florence + the Machine**

**Better Place ~ Puddle of Mud**

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_**And my heart is a hollow plain  
For the devil to dance again  
And the room is too quiet **_

**~ Florence + the Machine**

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**~*Izzy*~**

The start of my experience was nothing like the first time I'd blasted James. There was no sound, no tunnel, no girl in a mirror, no angel wings. One moment I was sucked into the abyss, and then next thing I knew, I was spat from its soul-sucking, swirling vortex with no awareness of how long I'd been "gone."

The sudden change in atmosphere reminded me of being deeply asleep and awakening to the clanging of pots and pans. There was pain, too. My body screamed in agony, and the very clothing lying against my skin seemed to weigh a thousand pounds. I gasped from the pain, a raspy, whistling sound. An elusive murmur of voices floated around me. I wondered if they were real or imaginary.

For quite some time, I slipped in and out of the depths of the abyss. I might be alone or hear the cadence of voices, and at times swore I heard an unfamiliar but soothing voice in murmured prayer. My limited awareness didn't allow me to discern my location, and I remained trapped within, unable to move even when semi-conscious.

There came a time of surfacing that felt different. The sounds around me magnified until I longed to scream—the shuffle of feet, the creak of a chair, the rustle of sheets as they were tidied around me. Every joint in my body ached, throbbed, or tingled unpleasantly. I felt weighted down, my skin hypersensitive. Restlessness vibrated through me, and I fought through gauzy layers of consciousness until it became possible to open my eyes. Even the eyelash follicles stung with soreness as my tender lids fluttered open.

The room was dim, the walls and ceiling fashioned of smooth stone. I looked to my left, taking in the austere surroundings—stone floor, rustic wooden nightstand, a small washbasin and mirror. My eye muscles ached, smarting again as I turned my gaze to the right. There was one arched window cut through the stone and covered by wooden shutters, a multicolored throw rug, and a scarred wooden rocking chair with a small square pillow. A vase of wildflowers sat on the stone windowsill.

I pulled in a deep breath, observing tightness across my chest and poorly inflated lungs. A shuffling at the foot of the bed caught my attention as a nun entered the room. Rosary beads were threaded through her fingers, and she looked down at her hands, lips forming silent words.

I wanted to speak, to ask her who she was and why I was here, but what came out was a dry croak that set off a coughing fit. Spasms rocked my chest, but it seemed I was incapable of coordinated movement.

"Good Lord above!" The nun clutched the rosary to her chest, mouth hanging open and pale blue eyes comically wide, then she crossed herself. "Oh, but you gave me a right scare."

I watched the nun with great curiosity as she tottered around the small room in circles, muttering to herself. The rosary disappeared into her robes, and her hands twisted together. Her lightly lined, make-up-less face made it difficult to ascertain her age, especially with her hair covered. She could have been anywhere from her mid-thirties to early fifties.

There were so many questions piling up in my mind and trying to get out that a traffic jam occurred. My lips parted, but only a soft exhalation of air came out.

The nun finally recovered enough to move to the side of the bed and lay a comforting hand on mine. "Don't try to talk, dear."

I tried again. "Am . . . I dead?" It was a raspy, barely-there whisper that hurt like hell to produce.

"Oh my, no!" She placed a hand over her mouth and tittered. "You're our miracle girl."

"Wh-where?" My mind was a bit slow, but it didn't escape my notice that there were no machines or monitors hooked up to me, and Sister Christian here was surprised to see me awake.

"You're at Our Mother of Sorrow Abbey, dear."

"Sister Magdalene, _who_ are you talking to?" An imperious voice, belonging to a rather large and sour-faced old nun, rang out through the small room, causing me to wince.

"Shh . . . Arabelle. Can't you see her ears are sensitive?"

Sister Arabelle's considerable bulk stopped short as her gaze came to rest on me, but her black robes kept going, creating a strange billowing affect. She crossed herself. "Mary, mother of God."

I glanced between the two nuns, wishing I had full use of my voice. There were so many questions I wanted to ask—the one at the top of the list being why were they so shocked to see me awake? The way the two of them were crossing themselves and calling on deities, you'd think the anti-Christ was in their midst. That thought caused one side of my mouth to rise.

"Magdalene, have you called the doctor?"

"Not yet. I suppose we should. She shouldn't be alone, right? You stay here." Sister Magdalene turned to leave.

"No," I rasped. "You . . . stay . . . please." I liked the feel of Sister Magdalene, while Sister Arabelle was akin to nails raked over a chalkboard.

"Well, all right, dear." She turned to Sister Arabelle. "You heard the girl. Shoo! Go call Dr. Cullen, and tell him the good news!"

Sister Arabelle backed out of the room with some reluctance; it was obvious she was used to being in charge. I didn't want her anywhere near me with that loud, braying voice. At least now I knew Carlisle was the doctor they spoke of. Despite the surreality of waking up in an abbey rather than a hospital, that fact gave me hope I really was alive.

Sister Magdalene opened the shutters before returning to my bedside and patting my hand. "Welcome back."

Outside, golden rays of sun played off the stone of another wing that branched out of the abbey. It had arched windows just like mine, spaced at equal intervals. Some of them were shuttered and some were open. A slice of blue sky with fluffy white clouds was visible over the edge of the roof, but that was all I could see from my supine position. A cool, crisp breeze redolent of damp leaves and fresh earth made its way gently into the room, triggering a sense of nostalgia that caused my heart to beat faster.

"Sister . . . what month?"

Sister Magdalene's eyes were sympathetic, and she patted my hand again. "November."

"But that means . . ." _Seven months! _I tried to grip her hand, and that's when I realized something was very wrong. The right side of my body was barely functional, the left extremely weak, the muscles quivering when I attempted to lift my arm. "What's . . . wrong?" I tried to lift my head and immediately started gasping for breath.

"Try to relax, dear. Dr. Cullen is on his way."

At first, the panic welling inside me reached a crescendo, but the cool, dry touch of Sister Magdalene's hand on my forehead had a calming effect on me. She cooed and shushed me like a mother would a distraught child, and at her instruction, I drew in long, slow, cleansing breaths. A sense of peace settled over me just in time for Carlisle to stride into the room and shatter it.

For me, it was as if I'd seen Carlisle yesterday. My mind was all muddled and twisted up, but my memories of the days leading up to whatever landed me here were crystal clear.

"Sister, will you excuse us? I need to examine my patient." Carlisle nodded curtly.

"Let us know if you need anything, Dr. Cullen. We're just thrilled about this miracle." Sister Magdalene pressed her hands together and looked over at the crucifix on the wall before her kind eyes came to rest on me once again. "I'll see you later, dear. Be well."

"Thank . . . you."

She smiled and left in a flutter of robes, shutting the door behind her.

"Papa C."

"Izzy." Carlisle nodded, his jaw tight. "How are you feeling?" His gaze roamed over my face, eyes watchful and wary.

"Like dirt." I offered up a wry smile. "It's been . . . seven months?"

"So, they told you." Carlisle nodded. "Yes, it has. We nearly lost you." There was pain behind his eyes.

"I can't . . . move my . . . right side. Or catch . . . my breath."

"Please don't worry over that. The fact you're awake tells me the rest will come in time." He slipped a hand in his pocket, coming out with a syringe filled with silvery fluid, and lifted my right hand where I noticed the first evidence of anything medical: an IV line.

"What?"

"I've been injecting you with small amounts of venom. Too much and you'll turn, so progress has been extremely slow." He punctured the end of the IV with the syringe and injected the venom.

The sight of the venom raised my heart rate as a flash of the cliffs at First Beach came to mind. Carlisle looked over at me, most likely sensing the sudden spike.

"What . . . happened?"

"In good time, Izzy."

"Where's Edward?"

"I'll be your only visitor for now."

I opened my mouth to protest. "But—"

"We can't afford to draw attention to ourselves. Your treatment is most unusual. The sisters are doing me a favor because I made a large contribution that saved the abbey, but benevolence can only go so far."

"What's wrong . . . with me?"

"You suffered multiple strokes, Izzy. You were comatose by the time we got to you and remained so until today. You were given transfusions for the massive hemorrhaging, and the CT scan showed what should have been irreparable damage, but I knew venom might counteract that. Even so, it was an excruciatingly slow process." Carlisle rubbed his eyes and shook his head. "There was no way for me to treat you at a public hospital without raising numerous questions, so I started looking for alternatives and ended up here."

"Will I . . . walk again?"

"I believe you will. Based on the progress so far, I think you'll make a full recovery. While the venom isn't turning you, I want you to understand that it has and will continue to make changes."

"What changes?"

"Enhancements in the senses for one."

I thought of Sister Arabelle's braying voice and all the amplified sounds I'd heard before waking. "Super hearing maybe?"

Carlisle smiled. "Has that manifested already?"

"Yes."

"You'll be stronger than the average human male, and it will extend your life expectancy."

"By how much?"

"Maybe double."

"Wow. What does . . . Edward think of . . . all this?"

Carlisle moved around the bed woodenly, lifting my arms and checking reflexes, then opened his mouth to speak just as a knock sounded on the door, and Sister Arabelle walked in.

I think part of me sensed Carlisle was hiding something, but I let it go because I wasn't ready to face anything else. Deep down I knew nothing would stop Edward from rushing to my side—unless he couldn't. But I pretended along with Carlisle, gifting myself the fantasy that everything would be all right for just a bit longer.

True to his word, Carlisle was my only visitor for the next few weeks. He removed the PEG tube as soon as I could hold down food. The catheter soon followed. He administered venom every three days, supervised my physical therapy, and had me out of bed and using a walker on day eight. By the end of two weeks, I was using a cane. My hearing was acute enough to hear the nuns speaking in hushed tones in the hallway outside my room—usually about mundane abbey business, occasionally exclaiming over my miraculous recovery or my ornery disposition.

One day, I finally mustered enough courage to ask for a mirror. Sister Magdalene brought me a small hand mirror, and I steeled myself before lifting it. I'm not sure what I was expecting to see, but my reflection was remarkably unchanged. My eyes looked strange without their usual dark liner, but what surprised me most were the jet-black strands framing my face. Someone had continued dying my hair.

Carlisle walked in while I was sitting in the rocker staring pensively into the mirror.

"Who dyed my hair?" I asked without looking his way.

"Alice insisted on it."

When I finally glanced up, Carlisle stood by the window. His wrist rested on the sill, but his hand was curled into a loose fist.

"Is something wrong?"

"I'm going to bring some visitors in now that you're strong enough. We'll start slowly, okay?"

"Sure." My tone was casual as I swallowed down the bile threatening to rise. Some instinct deep within was on high alert.

The door swung open, admitting Alice and Paul. Alice's eyes met mine readily enough, but her face was solemn, the faint smile she offered leaving me cold.

Paul sauntered over. "Hey, baby!" He fell to his knees at my feet, throwing off the usual heat, and chucked me under the chin. "You gave us a scare, drama queen."

I cracked a smile and caressed his cheek. "Why do things halfway?" My gaze was drawn to Alice, who seemed to be a ghost of her usual boisterous self. "Psychic Pixie! How's it going? Bet I threw you for a few loops, huh?"

"You sure did. I'm so glad you're all right."

"Thanks for being my beautician." I dragged a few fingers through my hair.

"Of course." She pursed her lips and nodded.

The room pulsated with tension and unspoken words. My heart beat faster, the breaths growing shallow in my chest.

"Spill it."

Carlisle came to stand beside Paul, but Alice remained by the bed.

"Izzy . . ." Carlisle faltered.

I glared at him. "Just tell me."

Paul grabbed my hands in his. "Baby girl, what do you remember from that day?"

My brow creased. What _did_ I remember? I'd avoided thinking about it. Whenever disturbing echoes ricocheted around the deep well of memory, I'd pushed them back down. I knew something really awful had happened but had no desire to go there. Apparently, my little hiatus in la-la-land was over.

My lids fluttered closed, and I allowed images to flow over me.

_Walking along the water at First Beach._

_Watching a figure cliff-dive to the sand. James._

My breath hitched, and Paul tightened his hands on mine.

_Facing off with James. He was so smug, so confident. The wolves howling as James showed me his cell phone—_

"Oh, God. I don't want to see any more!" I struggled mentally and physically, but the floodgates burst wide, and I couldn't put the genie back in the bottle.

_Begging James to spare Edward's life . . . agreeing to go with him, to be his plaything. The rage in his eyes when my shield came up and I couldn't bring it down._

_Edward's expressive eyes full of fire and resignation because he'd sent the wolves after me, leaving himself vulnerable._

"_Now watch as your precious Edward pays for your mistakes."_

"_Izzy, save yourself. Don't let this be in vain."_

Let what be in vain? The unspoken words lay between us. _Don't let _my sacrifice_be in vain._

"No . . ." I moaned, pulling my hands out of Paul's grip and holding my head. "I want to see Edward. He needs to be here for this."

"Baby, what do you remember?"

"James . . . on First Beach. He had Edward . . . a bunch of wolves showed up . . ."

_James giving the order to kill Edward and me losing my shit. My power gearing up to tear James' arm and part of his leg from his body before I collapsed to the sand. Paul hurtling past me, leaping straight for James' throat._

I squeezed my head tighter between my hands. "You . . . I saw you attack James. Is he dead?"

"Yes. You weakened him, and I finished the fucker off." There was a hard edge to Paul's voice.

It was fitting that Paul had been the one to kill James if it couldn't be me.

_Lying there helpless, losing my ability to speak or move. My face pressed to the sand, looking into Edward's beautiful, worried eyes as blood gushed from my nose and mouth. His mate. My mate._

"I want my Edward," I whimpered.

Paul pulled my hands from my head and entwined his fingers with mine. "Things happened that day. Irrevocable things."

My gut churned as I looked into his dark eyes, my mouth dry. "What things?"

"Leah and Embry." Tears filled Paul's eyes, and he swallowed hard but allowed them to fall freely.

"They were injured?" I refused to voice the alternative.

"They didn't make it."

"No! God, Paul, I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry, too, baby." Paul's expression of sorrow was for me this time, and his fingers tightened down on mine. "So, so sorry."

"What?" I looked to Carlisle and Alice. The truth was on their faces. "No! Where's Edward?"

Alice spoke from where she was. "There were too many of them, and we . . . we were far too late."

"Too late for what?"

"To save Edward, Izzy." Carlisle laid a gentle hand on my shoulder. "He's gone."

"The newborns took him?"

"The newborns are all dead. James is dead," Paul whispered. "Edward . . . gave his life for yours."

"NO! Why are you lying to me? Edward can't be gone!" I pulled my hands from Paul's and started beating on his chest. He didn't stop me. The tears finally came, a torrent of them streaming down my face and leaving me weak and limp in Paul's arms. He scooped me up and sat in the chair with me cradled in his lap. "There must be some mistake. Please, Paul."

"I'd give anything to make it so for you."

Carlisle crouched in front of me, placing a hand on my leg. "Edward loved you more than anything in this world. Your survival was of the utmost importance to him."

"Even above his own," Alice whispered.

"But his life was worth so much more than mine." My voice broke.

Alice walked forward slowly. "He didn't see it that way, Izzy. To him, you were his destiny—wherever that took him. Edward lived more and loved more in the time he had you than in the past century."

Everything became too much—Paul's warm arms, Carlisle's and Alice's kindness even though a beloved son and brother had been lost, the rapidly expanding guilt inside me.

"Paul, put me down." I pushed my way free from his arms and stood unsteadily. "I love and respect all of you, but I need to be alone now."

"I'm not sure-" Carlisle started, but I held up a hand to cut him off.

"I'm very sure. Leave me." The echo of my latent power flexed within. "Preferably before I start shielding."

The three of them agreed, spewing well wishes and condolences on their way out. My mind couldn't comprehend any of it. The door couldn't close fast enough for me.

Once I was alone, a great trembling started that shook me to the core. A high, keening wail tore out of me. Rather than ripping everything apart as I normally would, I ended up in the corner of the room curled into a ball with my fist stuffed in my mouth to hold back my screams.

All threats had been eliminated; months had gone by, but for me, the nightmare was just beginning.

Days went by. I banned everyone from my presence, spending most of my time curled in the corner of my room against damp stone. I refused to eat or drink, to brush my hair or bathe.

I could hear them all out there in the hall with my accursed hearing—speculating, plotting, commiserating—and Carlisle enlisting Sister Magdalene to convince the other nuns to give me time to grieve. He assured them I wouldn't die if I refused sustenance, bathing, or medical treatment for a few days. He promised to step in if I didn't come around.

Sister Magdalene finally managed to talk her way into my room. She brought a tray with a bowl of broth and placed it on the dresser without a word, leaving me to decide for myself if I wanted some. She settled in the rocker, never seeming bothered by the fact I huddled in the corner or that I must have smelled pretty ripe.

She sat in the rocker and said the rosary, then she got up and left.

The untouched broth was exchanged for another steaming bowl the next time she returned. Again, Sister Magdalene said the rosary and left.

The third time, I made my way over to the broth when Sister Magdalene was halfway through her prayers. Her eyes remained closed, nimble fingers moving along the wooden beads as she went. For some reason, the soft murmur of her words soothed me when nothing else did.

I scooped up a few hot, salty spoonfuls of broth.

Without opening her eyes, Sister Magdalene said, "Careful, child. Slow and easy, or it'll come right back up." Then she resumed her praying right where she'd left off.

She was right—the first bit came back up. A strategically placed garbage can caught it, avoiding quite the mess. I narrowed my watering eyes at the praying nun and wondered if she had second sight.

The next time Sister came, she filled the washbasin, then brought in soap and a washcloth in addition to the tray of broth and dry toast. Again, she didn't say a word or try to talk me into anything.

Once she left, taking the half-empty bowl of broth with her, I stripped off my dirty nightgown and washed myself. The lukewarm water felt good. A fresh nightshirt was draped over the foot of the bed, and I wondered when the crafty nun had put it there. Wrinkling my nose, I balled up the smelly one I'd been wearing for days and tossed it in the garbage.

The next day, Sister Magdalene tucked the rosary in her pocket and fixed her clear blue eyes on me. "Would you like to talk?"

I opened my mouth to say no and found my answer was yes. "Maybe."

"Only what you're comfortable with." She sat in the rocking chair and waited patiently.

I must have looked like a distrustful stray dog cautiously approaching a Good Samaritan holding out a treat as I inched my way across the small chamber, finally settling on the floor by her feet and wrapping my arms around my knees.

I peered up at her kind face and wondered what her hair looked like beneath the habit. "How old are you, Sister?" Realizing how rude the question might sound, I amended my comment. "That is if you don't mind me asking."

"Why should I mind? I'm forty-eight."

"What color is your hair?"

"It's light brown with many streaks of gray. What color is yours?" Her eyes twinkled with amusement as she gazed down at me.

My lips twitched. "My natural color is a deep chestnut with red highlights."

"Ah, beautiful, and yet you wish to cover it with flat black hair-dye. Part of your armor?" Her expression was sympathetic but not pitying.

"I like you, Sister."

She laughed, a lovely, throaty sound. "Well, thank you! I like you, too."

"Why did you become a nun?" I asked softly. Religion had always escaped my understanding. Having faith and praying to a God who never answered, who let horrible things happen to good people, never made sense to me. Yet I felt soothed by the presence of Sister Magdalene and this place and loved listening to her pray. There was something special and different within these walls.

Sister Magdalene's perfectly arched brows drew together and storm clouds flitted over the clear blue of her eyes for a moment. Then she looked away, her eyes unfocused. "I didn't expect that question." She laughed, but it was no longer lovely—it was tinged with sadness. "Well, I've had two great loves in my life: Timothy Rollins and God. Tim went to be with God, and I . . . followed him as far as possible without committing a mortal sin."

"What sin?"

"The taking of one's own life."

A shudder ran through me as a looming precipice threatened to suck me into the dark vortex of pain. I'd managed to stay rather numb so far. The rocker creaked, and I glanced up at Sister Magdalene, who watched me carefully.

"You became a nun to . . . get close to Tim?"

"Initially. My seeking and questioning led me here—first as a guest, and later I decided to take my vows." She smiled, the sadness leaching from her eyes to be replaced by great joy. "Sometimes we're led to our destiny in unexpected ways."

"So you're happy with your life?"

"Yes, very. Don't get me wrong—there are times I still mourn Tim and the life we might have had, but I'm grateful for my life here. Serving the Lord brings me inexplicable joy."

"I lost someone, Sister." My voice was a whisper, yet it burned my throat like a scream. When she waited expectantly, I gathered the courage to continue. "He was everything to me. I—I don't know how to do this without him . . . or if I even want to."

"The answers will come. I'm very sorry for your loss."

"Aren't you going to tell me I'm young and have so much to live for? That I'll find someone else?"

"It's not my place to do so. It's nobody's place. You must forge your own path." Her voice was gentle, but it struck a nerve inside me.

"And you don't think it's wrong of me to be angry with God? I'm staying here in His house, and I don't even know if I believe in His existence."

Sister Magdalene chuckled, not unkindly. "Of course you believe in Him, dear. How else could you be angry at Him?"

I glared up at her and sputtered but ended up falling silent. It was true—just as it was true that I'd needed Edward all the times I'd pushed him away or denied him. No matter what ugly tempest churned inside me, I couldn't deny that I was holding it together much better at the abbey than I would outside its walls.

"There _is_ something special about this place."

"The abbey is nothing but a stone structure until it is filled."

And it was filled to capacity with love, faith, patience, and perseverance.

**~*IWIPB*~**

I allowed Carlisle to continue the venom treatments and physical therapy. I began to venture out of my chamber, occasionally taking meals with the nuns and frequently walking the long, quiet halls. As I grew stronger, I ventured outside on unseasonably warm days to walk in the garden.

Sister Magdalene taught me to pray the rosary. She gifted me with a simple set of beads like her own, and I found peace when rubbing the pads of my fingers over the satiny curves of wood.

Jake and Paul visited me once or twice a week, and those times were usually bittersweet but uplifting. Alice's visits were strange and infrequent. She was solemn and no longer spoke of the future, except for the day in December when she arrived with a basket of hair products.

"You saw," I said.

"Yes." Alice rolled her eyes. "I sometimes see when the wolves aren't surrounding you. At least you have a future now."

The last sentence seemed to be a mumbled afterthought, but it caught my attention. "Wait—what do you mean?"

Alice put her basket of supplies on the floor and turned to face me, leaning against the dresser. "You had no future until just recently. It's been murky or blank since..." She halted and looked down at the floor.

"And now?"

"It's morphing, but you're clear. And you want to return to your natural hair color."

"Yeah. It's time."

**~*IWIPB*~ **

Though the abbey didn't receive many visitors, the nuns went all out decorating for Christmas. Garland was strung gaily along the utilitarian halls and around doorways. Wreaths adorned the main entrance and the wall behind the altar in the chapel, and dozens of poinsettia plants were placed strategically around the abbey. An old-fashioned Christmas tree with all the trimmings twinkled in the reception area.

The sight of the tree caused a lump in my throat as I recalled my special moments with Edward exchanging gifts last Christmas. I still wore the leather cuff he gave me and always would. I rubbed my finger over the rich leather while standing in front of the tree breathing in the rich scent of pine. A tear trickled down my cheek, the first one in a while.

Something niggled at the back of my mind, but I squelched it. _Don't go there, Izzy. Sometimes ignorance is bliss._

Or so I thought.

While I stood there, eyes unfocused, the front door of the abbey opened, letting in a gust of wintry air. A few seconds after the heavy door closed with a thud, the atmosphere filled with a commanding energy.

"Excuse me. I'm looking for—" Jack strode forward as he spoke but fell silent, gaping in shock when I turned to face him. "Izzy."

I couldn't hold back a satisfied smile. "I believe this is the first time in the history of the world that you've been rendered speechless."

"Come here. Let me see you." Jack recovered himself quickly, the command seeping back into his voice.

I took a few steps closer, and Jack walked around me, taking in my T-shirt and leggings, my face devoid of make-up, and my newly-restored hair color. When he came to stand in front of me again, he skimmed his fingers over my glossy hair, looking at it with wonder. Then he ran his index finger over my face.

I shuffled my feet nervously and let out a shaky laugh. "Speechless again so soon?"

"I—yes." The deep baritone of Jack's laughter surrounded me, echoing around the high-ceilinged lobby. "You're stunning. And I wasn't expecting to find you . . . like this."

"Like what?"

"I thought you'd be curled in a ball somewhere." He placed his large hands on my upper arms and squeezed gently. "They wouldn't tell me where you were, or I would've been here sooner. I was so worried about how you would handle . . . things."

"Things." My tone was flat, almost angry. "You mean the _death_ of the only person who's ever put me first. He sacrificed it all—for me."

Jack held his hands up. "I didn't mean to minimize what he meant to you. This isn't an easy thing to talk about, and I wasn't sure . . ."

"How I would handle things? Because I should be curled up in a ball and cursing everyone out? Or maybe doing some blow . . . smoking a blunt? That sound about right?" Anger jettisoned through me with an adrenaline chaser, and I could feel my cheeks reddening.

"No, Izzy!" Jack looked horrified, his brown eyes, usually cool and frosty, filled with apology and concern. His hands returned to my upper arms in a gentle hold. "I'm so _proud_ of you. I honestly didn't know what to expect after the last time we spoke, but I know there's a wellspring of strength inside you."

"I'm sorry." I lowered my head. "What else would you expect? You have no idea what's gone on since I woke up—or even what really happened . . . before."

He placed a finger under my chin and lifted my face until our eyes met. "Then tell me. Help me understand you."

I smiled sadly and shook my head. "No. It's not a story I intend to repeat to anyone, ever. Now, are we going to stand around the lobby all day, or do you want to see my room?"

I took Jack by the hand and led him down the halls of the abbey until we reached my little chamber. By that time, I'd added a small bookshelf under the window and an extra chair for visitors. I had no computer or phone, preferring to write in leather-bound journals or read instead. Carlisle had given me the materials to continue my "home schooling" so I could prepare to receive my high school diploma.

Jack looked around in wonder and laughed. "Wow. This is so . . . not you."

I smacked him on the arm. "Welcome to my humble abode. Life here is gloriously uncomplicated."

"You're not thinking of becoming a nun?"

I grinned. "The very walls would crumble if I even considered it. No, I'm just recovering and discovering a new me." My throat worked, and my eyes burned with unshed tears. "I promised."

Jack took my hand in his. "Is there anything I can do? Anything you need?"

"No. Just being my friend is enough."

"I'm here for you."

"Likewise. How's . . . what's her name? Lucinda?"

"What makes you think I'm going to discuss her with you?" The amusement in Jack's tone didn't quite reach his eyes; I'd hit a sore spot.

"Just remember—none of us knows how much time we have. If you care about her, do something about it."

"When did you get so wise?"

"It took a seven-month coma to finally crack me."

After Jack left, I stared out the window for a long while, thinking. The sky was a grayish white, and I could tell by the scent of the frigid air that snow was on the way. Seeing Jack reminded me of so much. As usual, whenever my mind strayed into dangerous territory, I found a way to deflect it. I avoided my journals and pulled out my rosary beads instead.

My appetite was pathetic at dinnertime, so I had broth and toast in my room and watched fluffy white flakes fall from the sky, coating the grass and trees as I ate. Still bothered by something but refusing to entertain it, I decided to turn in early.

_Izzy._

My eyes popped open in the dark. I held my breath and listened until the silence was almost painful, but my name was not repeated. Eventually, I slipped into a dreamless sleep.

The next time I opened my eyes, freezing air swirled around and drifted up my nightshirt. My feet were growing numb, half-melted snow clinging to the bare bottoms and oozing between my toes. I blinked up at the night sky, watching in fascination as flakes floated down in slow motion.

What the hell was I doing outside in the middle of the night?

_Izzy._

My heart pounded in my chest. I started to run, ignoring the pain in my feet. I crested a hill and rushed down the other side into a thicket, determined to find the source of that voice. _His voice._

As I picked my way through the trees, their branches laden with snow, I came out into a clearing—our meadow. The grass was green; the trees still had their leaves, and wildflowers beckoned as they swayed to and fro. The sky was gray, but it was lighter here.

Soft blades of grass caressed and soothed the bottoms of my cramping feet, and I held my arms out and twirled around, only stopping when I noticed a figure from the corner of my eye.

_Edward._

I stopped short, almost falling to the ground, and turned my head. Edward was on his knees in the grass watching me.

"E-Edward?"

He held his hand out, and I rushed across the field and flung myself into his arms. He caught me, leaning back so my knees wouldn't hit the ground.

"Oh, my God! They told me you were dead." I buried my face in his neck, breathing deeply of his heavenly scent, and my lips found their way over cool, smooth skin. "Where have you been?"

"You must know that my love for you is eternal." Edward's arms tightened. "Never let go of that."

"What are you saying?" I raised my head and looked into his topaz eyes, trying desperately to read the message there. Even though he was holding me, and I was clinging to him, a feeling of distance grew between us. "Edward? Don't leave me, please."

His hand cradled the back of my head, pulling me closer until his lips grazed my ear. "Remember how much I love you—what this connection between us means."

His words sounded like a goodbye. I couldn't seem to get close enough to him, and I was determined not to let go for any reason.

"Edward, no, no, no—don't leave me!"

"_Never_."

His promise faded along with his hard form and the neutral temperature. Wetness seeped through my nightshirt, and I opened my eyes to find I was lying on my back in a mound of wet snow staring up into the sky.

The bells of the abbey rang in the distance.

"_Edward!_" I cried out his name over and over, hot tears spilling down my face.

The bells continued to chime, and then I heard the thundering of feet.

Paul came into my line of vision in wolf form at a full gallop. He stopped short, sending a spray of snow arcing through the blustery air. Trotting over to me, he nudged me with his damp nose and snuffled against my neck.

"Edward . . ." I moaned, turning away from Paul's heat and burrowing deeper into the snow.

Paul phased, and a few seconds later, I was cradled in his arms. "Baby, what are you doing out here? The nuns must be frantic!"

"Why?"

"Didn't you hear the bells? They've been ringing them for an hour, probably hoping you'd make your way back." He gazed down at me, his eyes full of anxiety. "What the fuck are you doing out here? Do you have a death wish?"

"Edward was here . . . in our meadow." I glanced around us, finding only a thicket full of trees bent under the weight of the heavy snow. "There was no snow. The grass was green, and the wildflowers were . . . and Edward. He—he held me."

The look of pity in Paul's eyes nearly undid me. "Baby, there's no meadow. Look around you. There's snow blanketing this entire area for miles."

"He was here."

"Edward's gone." Paul's tone was firm but kind, and he held me closer as he began walking through the woods.

The last vestiges of hope fell away, and reality crashed down on me. Of course it was a dream. It was impossible for a meadow full of wildflowers and a warmer temperature to exist in the middle of a snowfall—with my Edward in it. I couldn't allow the floodgates to open again, or I'd be back in the corner curled in a ball. I took several deep, cleansing breaths and rested my cheek against Paul's warm skin.

"Don't you own a shirt?" I teased, attempting to smile through my tears.

Paul laughed. "I've got a dresser full of new shirts, but you don't give me much opportunity to wear them, Iz."

When we reached the abbey, a lone figure was standing outside. Carlisle.

"Is everything all right?" It wasn't clear whom Carlisle was directing the question to.

"We're good," Paul answered. "Little sleepwalking incident is all."

"Sleepwalking? Has this ever happened before, Izzy?"

"No, it hasn't. Let's not make a big deal out of it, okay?" I squirmed in Paul's grasp, but he never loosened his hold.

"How about we get her back to her room?"Carlisle held his arms open.

"I got her."

Carlisle smirked. "Paul, I think the nuns might be scandalized by your appearance right now, not to mention all the questions that might arise."

"Oh, shit! Yeah." Paul leaned over and transferred me to Carlisle, whose arms felt too much like another set I longed for.

"Is this really necessary?" I huffed.

Too many feelings were eddying beneath the surface, and I was in danger of losing it again. In order to counteract the sensation of being in a cool, hard embrace, I kept my eyes wide open and fixed on the side of Carlisle's face.

"Afraid so. Paul, thank you for everything."

"Yeah. See you soon, baby." Paul winked at me then took off, phasing mid-run.

Carlisle carried me swiftly through the halls of the abbey to my room. There was a pile of towels and a clean nightshirt laid out on the bottom of the bed. _Alice._

He left me there to dry off and change while he let the concerned, chattering nuns know I had returned safely from my "sleepwalking" excursion. The clock on my nightstand proclaimed the time to be nearly three thirty a.m.

When Carlisle was done reassuring the nuns, he knocked on my door before entering. He smiled easily, taking a seat in the rocker while I lounged on the bed with my legs tucked under me. A chill still hovered over my skin, but I eschewed the warm covers, choosing to remain vigilant and mindful of the growing suspicion inside me that things were not quite right.

Carlisle and I regarded one another from across my small room. It felt like sizing up an opponent for some reason.

"Alice saw?" I finally asked.

"Yes."

"How did Paul get involved then?"

"Paul spends a lot of time on the grounds around the abbey watching over you."

This was news to me. "He does?"

"You're very important to him."

"Okay." I wasn't discussing Paul's feelings for me with Carlisle.

"When I realized he'd gotten to you first, I decided to wait for you to return."

An awkward silence fell between us. Once again, that strange feeling nipped at my heels. What wasn't I seeing?

"Jack came to see me last night."

"I know."

"Of course. How else would he know where to find me?" I half-smiled.

"Jack has been frantic about you for weeks. He was causing quite a ruckus—even went so far as to show up at the house demanding information. I thought it was best to give him access."

"Which reminds me . . . what about my other friends? What have you told everyone?"

"That you were in an accident and have gone away to recover."

My jaw tightened. Who did Carlisle think he was making decisions for me? "I want to see Ricky." I held a hand up when he opened his mouth to speak because I could tell he was about to argue the point. "Don't. I'm not in jail, and I'm not your responsibility. You can't keep me hidden away and control my visitors!"

Carlisle smiled easily, but his eyes were wary. "Is that what you think I'm doing? Controlling you? Let me be clear about one thing, though—you _are _my responsibility. You're no longer simply human, and even if you were, for Edward's sake, I will always watch over you."

"_You_ will always watch over me," I repeated, and one piece of the puzzle fit into place. "Why haven't the others come to see me? Esme, Jasper, Emmett, Rose? Just you and Alice."

"Low profile, remember? Once you're fully on your feet, you can decide where you'd like to live. We'll never be far. You'll always be family to us."

_Bullshit._

"I'm pretty healthy right now."

"Do you want to leave here?"

"Not quite yet. I'll let you know."

"All right. I should go." Carlisle rose fluidly, his motions reminding me once again of whom I was missing, and a pang flared in my heart. "Get some sleep."

"Don't you want to know what happened out there tonight?"

He paused by the door and turned to face me. "I already know. I overheard your conversation with Paul."

"Any thoughts about it?"

"I'm not surprised by it, if that's what you mean. You've been through some very traumatic events, Izzy."

My bullshit meter went nuts, but I simply nodded and pointed a finger at Carlisle. "I want to see Ricky."

"Very well. I'll call him."

I sat curled on my bed long after Carlisle was gone. Every instinct inside me screamed that something wasn't right. Eventually, my mind turned to the night I came home from the hospital after the first time James had attacked me on the res. I hadn't fully understood what was happening at the time, but I gave myself to Edward that night—fully and completely. It was the defining moment when my body and heart accepted him as my mate, even though I didn't even know what a mate was back then.

Edward once told me that he sensed I was in trouble the day of the attack because of a gripping pain in his chest. _The pain of a mate in peril._ Why then didn't I sense the absence of Edward on this earth? And why did I have the distinct feeling Carlisle was hiding something?

**~*IWIPB*~**

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**A/N: The answers you seek will be in the next chapter, which will post in 2-3 weeks. Would love to hear your thoughts on the newly emerging Izzy, and what you think Carlisle is hiding.**

**I'm working hard on the next chapter of ****_Red Kryptonite_****. I expect it to be out in a week or so.**

_**BrokenWindows **_**placed number four in TwiFicRecs Top Ten Completed Fics for April. Thank you so much to everyone who voted!**

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	27. Chapter 25 Pieces

**A/N: Hello, awesome readers! Yes, this chapter took much longer than I originally thought. The pace of life hasn't slowed one iota, but I persevere and chip away. This became too long, so I've broken it into two chapters—the second of which is well under way. While you won't get _all_ your answers in this one, we get much closer...**

**A bed of wildflowers to my awesome prereaders, Keye and Sandy, for the comic relief, screaming, and various WTF moments. Love you both madly.**

**Huge, huge thanks to my f-aweseome betas, Katmom and SassySue (chayasara), for their speed and dedication to cleaning up my messes. Best betas ev-ar!**

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**Chapter 25**

**~Pieces~**

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**Suggested Listening:**

_**Pieces **_**~ RED**

_**Even in Death **_**~ Evanescence**

_**Your Hand in Mine ~ **_**Explosions in the Sky**

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_**I've come undone  
But you make sense of who I am  
Like puzzle pieces in your eye**_

**_Then I'll see your face_**  
**_I know I'm finally yours_**  
**_I find everything I thought I lost before_**

**~RED**

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**~*Izzy*~**

After that strange night of running through the snow in my nightclothes and hallucinating Edward, my life at the abbey returned to its prior peacefulness. The nuns went about their usual business and made preparations for the holidays. Sister Magdalene continued to dote on me, coming around daily to say the rosary. Sometimes we talked, sometimes not. She never asked me about that night. I was glad because I wasn't sure what to tell her, and the thought of lying to her was unpalatable.

Sister Arabelle didn't have the same respect for privacy. She'd been vising another abbey for a few days when I'd sleepwalked into the frigid night, but within an hour of her return, she was at my door.

"Young lady, what's this I hear about you slipping away the other night?" She managed to make it sound as if I were a teenager who'd snuck out to meet my boyfriend on a school night.

I glanced up from my spot, curled in the rocker reading, and offered her my best bitchy-Izzy challenging look. "Slipping away?" I held my place with a finger and tilted my head. "I was _sleepwalking_. I woke up in the middle of a snowdrift, freezing cold and scared."

Her answering glare and "Humph!" alluded to her disbelief.

I went back to my book dismissively. A minute or two went by. I glanced up at Sister Arabelle, who still stood in the doorway with a hand on her ample hip.

"What are you up to?"

"Up to? Really?" I slammed the book shut and placed it on the floor. "You obviously have something to say to me, so why not just spit it out?"

"Well, since you asked . . ." The large nun swept into the room and leaned on one of the bedposts. "I can't quite put my finger on it, but something about you isn't right."

I shrugged my shoulders and offered up a sarcastic smile. "Um, I just came out of a seven-month-long coma?"

Sister Arabelle pointed a thick, stubby index finger at me. "You have a smart mouth on you."

"I do." I nodded in agreement, unapologetic. "Anything else?"

"If you taint these walls, so help me—"

"Sister Arabelle!" Magdalene stood in the doorway, glaring. There's no telling how long she'd been there or how much she'd witnessed of the tense exchange.

Sister Arabelle turned her eyes Magdalene's way but remained rooted in place. A mottled flush dotted her pasty skin. "Magdalene . . . I didn't know you were there."

"Obviously not. Discussion of the sleepwalking incident was tabled—unless there's something I'm not aware of. Should I go speak with Mother Superior?"

"No need." Sister Arabelle headed for the door, but Magdalene was still blocking the way. "May I . . . get by?"

"Why, certainly." Sister Magdalene stepped into the room and allowed her to pass. Once Sister Arabelle was gone, Magdalene shut the door and muttered, "Nosy old harpy."

I snickered into my hand. "You don't like her much, do you?"

"I don't have to like her . . . just love her as one of God's children. She can do as much damage as a gaggle of gossiping old cronies all by herself!" Her blue eyes darkened with the fire of indignation. "Besides, it's none of her business what's going on with you."

"What's _going on _with me?" Cocking an eyebrow, I relinquished the rocker to her because it was her favored place to say the rosary.

She took her seat in the creaky old chair and smiled. The worn wooden beads appeared like magic in her gentle hands. "Oh, now just because I don't pry, it doesn't mean I'm blind, deaf, and oblivious!" The warmth of her laughter surrounded me, kind and affectionate.

Rather than sit in the stationary chair or on my bed, I curled up on the hook rug at her feet with my arms wrapped around my knees. In a way, I felt like a child gazing up at a parent or favorite teacher. Certainly I felt awe as she admitted to knowing there was more to me than met the eye and then closed her eyes to begin her prayers without further comment.

"Sister Mags, you amaze me."

"Why's that?" she asked without cracking an eye open. Her lips continued to form silent prayers.

"Aren't you curious about me?"

Her crystal blue eyes opened wide, and a delighted laugh interrupted her in the middle of a Hail Mary. "Of course! How could I _not_ be? But it's nobody's business, and if there's something you want to say, you'll do so in your own time."

I rested my chin on my knees and mulled this over. I never would have made it through the most awful time in my life without Sister Magdalene's special brand of TLC. She gave me the space to test my injured wings and find my own way out of the maze. I owed her a debt of gratitude.

Just as she finished her prayers and opened her eyes, I said, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For saving me from Sister Arabelle." I looked down at the multi-colored threads in the rug shyly. "But really for helping me swim back to the surface. I was in darkness for so long."

"You did that all yourself. I just gave you the space."

I rocked up onto my knees and placed my hands on the arms of her chair. "But see, that's just the thing! Nobody's ever given me that space."

Sister Magdalene placed a hand over mine and gazed at me knowingly. "Are you sure about that?"

I swallowed hard. "Well, one other person did, but he's . . . gone."

"I'm sorry."

After a few minutes of silence, I kept talking. "He died . . . for me. It should have been me."

"It's okay to feel that way, you know. That doesn't mean you're right. Just as nobody should make conjectures about what you're dealing with, you shouldn't purport to know what God's plan is. He doesn't make mistakes, Izzy. If it was your time, it would have been you."

A bitter laugh erupted from deep inside me. "You're right, Sister Mags. Why would God want to take me when He could add an angel to His collection? Edward was so good and true and everything—he was just . . . everything. I'm a blasphemous smudge on all that's good and holy."

"That's the self-pity inside you trying to take root. Was Edward's sacrifice in vain?"

"What?" Her words were a sucker-punch that left me breathless.

My molten temper reared up for a moment, and I felt the old, distrustful Izzy revving to lash out. As quickly as I filled with it, the anger left me in a rush of truth. If I gave in, if I didn't emerge from the abyss, Edward's death _would_ be in vain.

"Making connections?"

I glanced up, my eyes blazing. "I _have_ to honor Edward. If I fail, then it was all for nothing—all of it! His love for me, the time he gladly gave . . . the life he sacrificed."

I ended up spilling as much of the story of my sleepwalking expedition as I was able to: how I woke up in the snow, heard Edward's voice, and followed it to an impossible meadow; how real his touch felt and the words he spoke into my hair; the way I woke up in the icy snowdrift with the bells of the abbey ringing in the distance. I even voiced my suspicions that Carlisle was hiding something from me.

"Explore it."

"Really?" Somehow, I'd expected her to tell me to _let go, let God_ or some such sentiment.

"Follow your instincts, wherever they may lead. Perhaps you will find the good doctor is simply that—a good doctor with your best interests in mind. Either way, you should seek until something deep inside you is settled and secure." She patted my hand, then got up and left in a swirl of robes.

Sister Magdalene's words gave me much to mull over. What did I have but time here? This special place of healing afforded me so many advantages I'd never had the luxury of in the past.

Three days later, Sister Magdalene informed me I had a visitor waiting in the lobby. I didn't ask who it was but rubbed nervous hands over my leggings as I rushed up one hall only to drag my feet down the next. I peeked around the archway leading into the lobby and took in the tall, lanky guy reading the greeting cards on the bulletin board.

"Ricky?"

Ricky turned, his hazel eyes lighting up. "C'mere, you!" He opened his arms wide and hurried over, enveloping me in one of his awesome hugs. We rocked to and fro, and I cried into his fleece shirt for a long while. He finally held me at arm's length and looked me over. "Who are you, and what did you do with Izzy Black?"

I laughed, using the sleeve of my T-shirt to wipe my dribbling nose. "You like?"

Ricky sauntered around me, taking his sweet time. "Wow," he said when we were face to face again.

"Wow?"

"Wow."

I reached up and grabbed his face, pulling it down until we were nose to nose. Ricky's familiar, merry, hazel eyes gazed warmly into mine. "Is that all you have to say?" A sudden surge of insecurity rushed through me. Besides Edward, Ricky's opinion meant the most to me. "Do you hate it?"

Surprise registered on his face. "Hate it? No! I _love_ it, you silly girl!" Ricky grabbed me in his arms and swung me around until I was dizzy. When he set me on my feet again, I grabbed fistfuls of soft fleece to steady myself. We looked at each other warily for a few seconds, then both started laughing.

"God, I missed you, Ricky." I finally had time to take in his appearance. I stepped back and framed my hands to bring his face into focus. "What's different here? Your hair! Where's the mop?"

He did a Michael Jacksonesque spin. "You like what you see, girl?"

Ricky's previous mop of curls was gone. Now his hair was cropped close on the sides and in the back with delicious looking waves on top where it was a bit longer. The cut made him look older . . . and hotter.

I nodded my head. "I do. Where's your hardware—and the eyeliner?"

"I kept the eyebrow ring as a memento. The guys still let me hang with them—it's just I started up with all the Goth stuff when I was lost and looking for something. I made a lot of cool friends that I don't want to lose in the bargain, but that guy just isn't me anymore, you know?"

"Yeah, I do know."

Ricky laughed. "I guess you do, Izzy B."

"Lila must be in heaven."

His cheeks flushed. "She likes it, yeah."

Sister Arabelle stuck her head out of the office and glared our way with a "Humph!" That woman really didn't like me.

Ricky grabbed my hand and pulled me closer. "You wanna get out of here for a while? We can go for a walk. It's chilly, but the sun is out."

"That's a great idea."

I dragged Ricky through the halls to my room. I kept looking back, expecting Sister Arabelle's pudgy, disapproving face to appear around every corner.

Ricky took in my modest chamber. "Your room is nice."

I glanced back at him with amusement. "It's not me—I know. But it kind of is the new me. Things are so uncomplicated here, so peaceful."

I opened the small wardrobe wedged in the corner and pulled out the fur-lined parka and boots Alice had dropped off the day after the sleepwalking incident. Her pretty little pixie face had been pinched, and she'd said nothing to me. She simply hung the coat, placed the boots on the floor of the wardrobe, and turned to leave.

I grabbed her arm, surprised at my own speed. "Thanks for the gear, but you know it wouldn't have made a difference last night."

Alice stilled but continued to face away from me. "I know."

"Are you angry with me?"

Her head drooped. "Of course not. Why in the world would I be angry at you?"

The tears had filled my eyes then. Tears I'd been holding back since Carlisle had left the night before. "Because I killed Edward."

My hands turned into claws, sinking deep into the plush fur of the parka. Ricky was talking, but I hadn't heard a word. I forced myself to breathe, pulling on the boots and allowing Ricky to help me with the puffy jacket. I knew he noticed my lapse, but he didn't question me. One of the things I loved about Ricky was his ability to discern when he should or shouldn't confront me.

We trudged to the end of the hall and exited into the rear courtyard. The air had that icy-cold bite to it that sears the lungs, but the sun was warm on my face as promised. The rare clear sky was a soul-stirring shade of blue that appeared almost cartoonish in its intensity. My eyes watered from the cold wind and the reflection of the sun against the bright white snow. Though part of me wished for sunglasses, the scene before me was so worth the hurt.

Our boots crunched in the snow as we made our way toward the wooded trails. The center of the field we were crossing was in full sun, and the top layer of snow had already started to soften, reducing our footfalls to muffled swishes.

"Snow angel!" Ricky bellowed up at the sky. He held his arms out and fell back into the deep white mounds, moving his arms and legs. When he finished, he leaned forward and reached toward me. "Help me up!"

Laughing, I grabbed Ricky's hand and struggled to pull him up without ruining his work. A tall, thin angel impression was left behind.

"Nice! As far as I'm concerned, you definitely qualify as an angel."

Ricky widened his eyes in mock horror. "You're not going to get all gooey on me, are you?"

"Shut up!" I punched him in the chest.

"Ow!" His warm laughter rang out. "Your turn!"

"Nah."

"Come on. It's fun!"

I shrugged, yanked my hood up, and fell back, landing a few feet from Ricky's angel. It brought back a pang of nostalgia to move my arms and legs through the snow while staring up at the blue sky. Before I realized what was happening, I started giggling, then clapped a gloved hand over my mouth, both because the sound was so foreign and because my chest tightened with guilt.

"Oh, don't do that, Iz." Ricky helped me to my feet without messing up my angel and pulled me against his chest. He rested his chin on my head and rocked us. "You're allowed to have fun."

"I don't deserve it," I whispered.

A low growl came from behind me. I pushed away from Ricky and twisted around, but there was nothing to see but several yards of pristine snow leading up to the trees.

"What is it?"

"Thought I heard something."

Next came a low whine followed by panting. I shaded my eyes and turned to gaze at the tree line again. Two yellow eyes stared back. _Paul._ My senses were heightened because of the venom treatments. I was pretty sure that explained why Ricky couldn't hear or see my Quileute shadow.

I grabbed Ricky's arm. "Let's go that way." I pointed at a trail several hundred feet to the left of where Paul hunkered down watching. Every so often, I'd look over and catch the glint of his yellow eyes. He remained in the same spot, apparently content to watch over me.

A snowball hit me in the shoulder. "Yo, Iz! I know I'm not the best company in the world, but geez."

I shook off the strange feeling Paul's eyes left me with and scooped a handful of snow, looking back at Ricky with a wicked smile. "You shouldn't have done that. I'm the snowball champion of the Olympic Peninsula."

Ricky guffawed. "Is there any such thing?"

"You tell me." I lobbed the snowball at him and proceeded to use my newfound speed and strength to obliterate his ass.

A half hour later, the two of us lay on our backs in the plowed-over snow, panting. Despite the treatments Carlisle had been giving me, I wasn't one hundred percent yet.

"Holy shit! You _are_ the Snowball Queen." Ricky turned his head my way and grinned. "I still don't believe there's any such designation, but I'll let it slide after that performance."

After catching our breath, we finally made it onto the path. Inside the woods, the cover of trees cut the wind, and the thick blanket of snow dampened the sounds of the outdoors. It almost seemed wrong to break the beautiful silence with speech.

"How are you really?" Ricky finally asked.

"Better. I'll never be whole again, but I made promises . . ." I choked on my words.

"To Edward?"

"Yeah." I hesitated, unsure what Carlisle had told everyone about Edward's death. We walked along in silence. I waited until I was sure Paul was still following us before speaking again. "Ricky, I'm pretty sure Carlisle is lying to me about something. Do you think I'm crazy and ungrateful?"

"Why do you think that?"

"A dream, a feeling, the strange way he and Alice have been acting. It's a bunch of little things that don't seem big in and of themselves."

Ricky stopped walking and faced me, staring deep into my eyes. After a few moments, he nodded. "Follow your instincts."

"Really? You don't think I'm nuts?"

A sly grin spread across his face. "Well, I wouldn't go _that_ far . . ." I swatted him. "No, seriously—go with your gut."

"Thanks." We started walking again, arm-in-arm. In here it was colder, and I snuggled closer to him, admiring the icicles suspended from evergreens and naked tree branches alike. "How's Lila?"

"She's . . . everything I've ever wanted but never believed I was good enough for."

I jabbed him in the side with my elbow. "You're fuckawesome!"

He laughed. "I know that _now_, but there was a dark time when I didn't believe in myself—much like someone _else_ I know."

I snorted and kicked a clump of solid snow in the air. "How's Darren?"

"He's good! Really good. Still clean, going to college, and dating a normie."

"What? Mr. Nose Chain is dating a regular chick?"

"Yeah! Wonders never cease, huh?"

"What's he studying?"

"Architecture."

"How about you?" I glanced over at him.

"Electrical engineering."

"Good for you." I punched him in the arm.

"What do you have planned?"

"Oh, well . . ." I looked down and kicked at the snow again. "I'm studying for my GED right now. After that . . . who knows?"

"Hey—that's nothing to be ashamed of. You had a difficult year."

"Any interesting gossip from the trenches?"

Ricky looked thoughtful; then he laughed. "Yeah! Tyler and Jessica are expecting a baby."

"_Jessica_?"

"Yup. When Lauren found out Ty was two-timing her again, she went ape-shit and trashed his van. _Then _she tried to kick Jess in the stomach at the Forks Diner. Lauren ended up spending the night in jail. When the case came up, the judge offered her a suspended sentence _if_ she performed community service and started seeing a shrink."

"Get the fuck out!"

"I shit you not. Lauren is probably making some shrink's life hell right now."

"Ty and Jess, huh? Are they together?"

"Yeah, he stepped up and asked her to marry him. The wedding is set for Valentine's Day."

"Wow."

"No sign of Lauren's older boyfriend. Wonder what happened to _that _slick character."

I bit the inside of my mouth and hummed rather than saying what was on the tip of my tongue—_He ended up with his head on a stick because he double-crossed James._ The air seemed to thin around me, and everything went dim.

Ricky took my distress for fatigue. "Aw, crap! I shouldn't have kept you out here so long." He turned and crouched down. "Want a piggyback ride back to the abbey?"

Never one to turn down a free ride, I took him up on it.

***IWiPB***

Deep down, I knew what I was going to do. It just wasn't until Christmas Eve that I was pushed into action. I jolted awake in my room with a scream on my lips and my heart pounding.

I sat up and pushed the hair out of my face. The sweat beading on my forehead and trickling down my spine felt uncomfortably icy, sending goose bumps over my skin.

The new day was beginning to dawn, so I forced myself to wait until after breakfast before I pulled on my parka and boots and headed out into the overcast day. There was still a thin coating of snow on the ground, but it was bare and muddy in spots. When I reached the trees, I called out quietly, "Paul?"

I knew there was an excellent chance he was out here. I'd been paying close attention since Ricky's visit, and Paul spent an inordinate amount of time watching over me.

A few seconds later, Paul materialized from a copse of trees in wolf form. He regarded me with a tilted head and curious eyes.

I approached slowly, patting his nose with a gloved hand. "Hey." I started walking along the path that wound away from the abbey, and Paul sauntered along next to me. We could have been master and pet out for a walk if his shoulder didn't come up to the crown of my head and his paws weren't the size of dinner plates.

Paul remained next to me patiently as I walked and figured out what I needed to do. My only regret was the need to drag him into it, but I knew he'd do what I asked. After an hour, I gazed up into his yellow eyes and dug my fingers into the fur of his cheek. "I need your help. I wouldn't ask this of you, but Alice can't see around you."

He trotted a few feet away and phased with his back to me. I couldn't help but admire his muscled form and the delicious curves of his ass. Paul grinned as he pulled on a pair of loose shorts and turned to face me. "Okay, baby, what's going on?" He raked both hands through his spiky hair and tilted his head, cracking his neck.

I still had to look up at him, but now it was into his dark, expressive eyes. "Paul, why have you been stalking me?" I asked softly.

"Lookin' out for you, baby. How'd you know anyway?"

"This is between us, okay?"

"Sure."

"The only reason I survived is because Carlisle's been giving me venom treatments."

Paul's eyebrows drew down. "What the fuck now?"

I explained about Edward's venom healing me in the past and how Carlisle started giving me injections while I was in the coma. "The side effects include increased strength, better hearing, enhanced vision, and a longer lifespan. I heard and saw you hanging around in the woods the day Ricky was here. Besides, Alice told me you've been hanging around—it really incenses her because she can't see me when you're here."

"Well, fuck. Damn." Paul rubbed a hand on the back of his neck the way Charlie used to do when he was confounded about something. The beloved gesture sent a flare of pain shooting through me.

"Why are you here so much? Don't you have to patrol?" I tried again.

"I run limited patrols at night, so I can be here when you're awake."

"When do you sleep?"

"I don't. Not much." Paul looked away. "I have nightmares . . . about those fucks tearing Leah and Embry apart while I was still fighting with that fucker. I was too damn late!" He punched a tree, leaving a sizable gouge. Crimson flowed over his fingers and dripped onto the snow.

For a fleeting moment, I was reminded of my own blood dripping onto the sand at First Beach. Guilt sluiced over me when I considered the sheer number of people who'd been made to suffer, all in the name of saving one life—mine.

"Oh, Paul . . ." I wrapped my arms around his neck. He stood stiff and immovable for a moment before relenting. His return grip left me breathless, and his strong body shook with silent sobs. "I'm so, so sorry. This is all on me. I don't know how you can stand to see me."

Paul pushed me back and grabbed my upper arms in his huge hands. His eyes were red, his face streaked with tears. "Don't you dare! You didn't want or ask for any of this shit! Edward did what he did because he loved you. Same for me. If anything, it's my fault—and Jake's. The pack sticks together. My pain is their pain. My enemies are their enemies. My fight is their fight." Letting go of me, he swiped at his tears, then looked back at me with determination etched on his features. "What do you need me to do? You have to know I'll do anything for you."

I closed my eyes, basking in his unconditional acceptance, and took a deep breath. "I think Carlisle's lying to me."

Now Paul's eyes hardened, all business. "Why?"

"It's mostly intuition, but there's something that's been nagging at me for a while that I just put together. I've been afraid to think too deeply about it because of Alice."

"Well, you got me here now, baby. Go on and think to your heart's content—then tell me what you need."

"Okay." I settled on a log, not caring if my ass froze, and pulled off my gloves, rubbing at my temples. For the first time, I allowed my thoughts to roam, unfettered by the concern that Alice might be privy to any plans I made. Paul hovered nearby, giving me the space I needed.

It didn't make sense that the rest of the Cullens hadn't come to visit me despite Carlisle's excuses. Alice was acting like an automaton, a mere shadow of her previous annoying self. I cracked a smile, realizing I preferred the old Alice. The hallucination I'd had of Edward in our meadow kept coming back to me, nagging at me in the background at the oddest times. There was another piece of the puzzle that kept eluding me, though, and I intended to sit here on this log and think it out until it clicked. I asked Paul more than once if he was sure about this—and I wasn't sure if I meant the whole thing, the waiting for me to puzzle it out, or both—but each time, he just shot me that dark glare he'd perfected.

Two hours later, I was exhausted and cranky. "What the fuck? The venom helps me see better, hear better, kick ass better, but not think better?" I stalked around, my anger ratcheting up. And that's when it came to me. Jasper, who used to cool me down, smooth things over.

"Jasper, Jasper, Jasper. It's something about—" I looked at the bits of gray sky visible through the complicated network of branches above me. A wave of nausea hit me, and I was treated to a flash of Jasper holding my hair back while I puked my guts out in Edward's bathroom. It was the night James had almost raped me at the club. Jasper and Emmett had forcibly removed me from the scene, stating they were following Edward's instructions to keep me safe.

It all clicked into place as I followed the memory of being in the bathroom with Jasper. After the dry heaves had stopped, I'd flipped out on him.

_"What the fuck is wrong with you? How can you be here holding my hair back and comforting me when you don't even know if Alice is still alive?"_

_"But I do know, sugar."_

_"What? Have you heard something?"_

_"No. If something happened to my Alice, I would know. We have a strong bond, and if it was broken, I would sense it._"

I whirled around and grabbed Paul's arm. "That's it! I can't believe it took me this long to figure it out!"

"I knew you could do it. So, what is it, baby?"

"Edward's not dead." Saying the words out loud sent a wave of joy flowing through me. Maybe I didn't know where he was or why he'd stayed away, but I knew he was out there somewhere, which was a hell of a lot better than burned to ash.

Paul's expression morphed from one of expectant support to one of wariness. He grabbed my hands. "Iz, you know that wasn't real. He's gone. I saw the carnage that day—I was there."

"Did you see Edward?"

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"Did. You. See. Edward?"

"No."

I weaved my fingers between his and held fast. "Paul, I know this sounds crazy, but you have to trust me. They're lying to me. I don't know where he is or why he hasn't come, but he's alive."

"Okay, I'll bite—how do you know this?"

"I'm Edward's mate. Jasper once told me he knew Alice was okay because he'd sense it if anything ever happened to her. He said that's how it works with mates."

Paul considered my words, adding something up in his head, then started nodding. "Yeah, okay. You may be onto something. It works the same with imprints. But now what?"

"The pack still patrols fairly close to the Cullen house, right?"

"Yeah."

"I want you to take the next patrol that goes close to their property, and bring me with you."

Paul stalked in a circle, then eyed me up. "What's that going to accomplish?"

"Why are you getting worked up? Paul, I'm not crazy! Alice can't see me coming. With my enhanced hearing and vision, I don't need to be in their house to hear what's going on. I just want a chance to find out what they're hiding."

"And what if you don't hear anything?"

"Then I'll think of a Plan B. Maybe I'll confront them. I just—I need to do this." I stepped in close and rested my freezing cold cheek against the warmth of his chest. "Please?"

"Oh, damn, baby! You don't play fair." Paul hugged me to his chest and laughed into my hair. "All right. Next patrol is tonight—let me make some arrangements."

Several hours later, under a hazy sky lit by the full moon, I donned my coat and boots and snuck from the abbey. At this late hour, all the nuns were long asleep. Skipping out wasn't much of a challenge.

Paul met me at the edge of the woods, his yellow eyes alerting me to his presence long before I could see the rest of him. Much like the day on the beach when he'd carried my half-dead body to Edward, he hunkered down so I could climb on. I settled across his massive back and dug my fingers into his ruff.

"Damn, you're like a horse." He rose to his feet, and I glanced down. "Shit. Don't fucking drop me."

Paul snuffed. Maybe he couldn't talk, but the sound he made was definitely a scoff.

I grinned. "Hey, I think I like it when you can't answer me back."

Paul turned his massive head and let out a roar that sent a blast of hot air across my face and whipped my hair back.

"Okay, then. Shall we proceed?"

He grinned at me, tongue lolling out the side of his mouth, and nudged my knee before he started forward slowly. Paul had a rolling gait that took a bit of getting used to, but once I found my balance, he was able to speed up.

My heart pounded behind my ribs, an urgent staccato that sent wave after wave of adrenaline rushing through my veins. _Moment of truth._ Either I was fucking crazy, or Edward was alive. Tonight I was determined to find out.

As we neared the Cullen property line, I tried to quiet my telltale heart. I was counting on the sounds of the night and Paul's own heart to mask my presence, but it was essential not to speak. In order to eavesdrop on what they were saying, I'd have to be within their hearing range.

Paul picked a spot in the trees and lowered himself to the ground. I lay on top of him, pressing my chest into the fur of his back and resting my cheek against the soft warmth, concentrating on slow, deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out.

When I felt calm enough, I lifted my head and strained to untangle the sounds of the night and discard them one by one. I knew from living at the Cullen's house they didn't speak as often as humans. Sometimes hours might go by with little in the way of conversation. I could wait. And we did.

Almost an hour later, my patience was rewarded.

"Alice, why don't you take a break? Perhaps go hunt? You can catch up with Jasper, Emmett, and Rose easily enough," Carlisle said.

"No."

"I'm here. Esme's here."

"I can't see anything! I'm blind. I hate it." Alice's voice was a petulant shriek.

I would have smiled if she didn't sound so miserable. It was my fault—and Paul's—she couldn't see.

"Still?"

"There's nothing . . . ever. A black hole to match the one inside my heart. Oh, Edward . . . If only we'd made it in time."

My heart jack-hammered. Alice wasn't referring to her inability to see my future—she was talking about Edward! Paul turned his head sharply and chuffed, but I couldn't chance speaking. Hell, I was lucky they didn't hear my heart thudding in my chest like a wrecking ball.

"Alice, we did all we could—for both of them. Izzy's getting better all the time."

"I'm so grateful for that, but I failed my brother. I've been sentenced to witness the abyss."

"You can't let it pull you under."

Alice snorted. "I know you mean well, but you have _no_ idea what you're talking about. What I live with every hour, every minute, every second. Jasper wants his mate back, but that day changed me irrevocably, too. I couldn't save Edward. My visions were worthless, and I . . . feel worthless, too."

My heart swelled with sympathy for Alice. I understood exactly how she felt. A sickening thought settled over me—what if Alice was just having trouble seeing? Maybe Edward really was gone, or at least she believed he was, too. Maybe the Cullens weren't hiding anything from me other than their own grief.

"I wish there was something I could say to help. You can't spend all your time in his room."

"Just leave me alone, Carlisle. I love and respect you, but please."

"As you wish."

The silence stretched out in the Cullen house. I was about to signal Paul to take me back to the abbey when Alice spoke again in a choked voice.

"Edward . . . I'll never get over this. _Forgive me._ I keep begging you to forgive me, but you're like stone. Jasper wants to move away for a while, but I'll never go. I promise." She sobbed plaintively. "Why won't you just _speak_ to me?"

I gasped as the memory of Edward's "punishment" as my Dom crashed down on me, the devastation when he played statue, refusing to acknowledge me. He could have been made of stone—the essence of him absent.

Before I could stop myself, I was off Paul's back, running for the house. My legs were sore from straddling him for so long, but I managed to make it to the front door quickly.

"Alice, who's out there? Can you see what's happening?" Carlisle's voice came from the first floor.

"No. Everything's still a blank." Alice was on the move, her feet skimming the stairs.

I no longer tried to hide my presence, rushing up the front porch and banging my fist on the door. "It's Izzy. Let me in!"

The front door swung open. Carlisle and Alice stood in the foyer, eyeing me warily. I gazed between them and noted the calculating looks passing between them.

Esme appeared by the archway to the living room. "Hello, dear. You should have told us you were coming for a visit."

"Why, so you could hide the evidence?" I shot back, and Esme's eyes widened.

Carlisle held a hand up, his face blank. "What evidence?"

Alice couldn't put her emotions away as fast; her face still held shadows of grief.

I crossed my arms. "Have you forgotten my venom-induced enhancements?"

"Of course not. What has you so distressed, Izzy?" Carlisle's expression morphed into a study of concern.

Esme exchanged a nervous glance with Alice.

"Where is he?"

"Who?"

"Drop the bullshit, Carlisle! I was in a coma for seven months—I didn't fall off a turnip truck!"

"Take it easy." Carlisle seemed unfazed, but Esme and Alice both blanched at my harsh tone.

"I don't think so."

"How did you get here?" Carlisle asked with a tilt of his head.

"Don't you mean how did I slip your notice? How come Alice didn't see me coming? Paul brought me." I shrugged out of my parka and hung it on the coat rack beside the front door. There was a small puddle of dirty water where I'd just been standing, but I ignored it, dialing my anger up a few notches as I strode forward. "Get out of my way."

"Izzy, we should talk."

I laughed harshly. "No, Papa C. The time for talking has passed. You've had weeks to talk to me—_weeks_." My gaze followed the familiar curve of the staircase, knowing Edward was up there, most likely in his room—our room. "Move or be moved," I threatened.

I charged straight for the stairs, and Alice sidestepped me at the last second, leaving the stairs stretching open before me.

Alice whimpered. "Izzy . . . you don't want to do this. You don't understand."

"Yeah, because none of you gave me the chance to." I took the stairs two at a time, rushing down the hall and flinging the door to Edward's room open.

I'm not sure what I expected to see, but this wasn't it.

The room was exactly the same, and a sense of nostalgia enrobed me. The peaceful atmosphere inside was the same. It felt like home.

My heart nearly stopped when my gaze landed on the bed. The duvet was covered by hundreds of colorful fresh wildflowers, and in the center of this lavish floral display was Edward.

"Oh . . . dear God." My legs turned to rubber, my knees hitting the floor with an eye-watering slam.

I brought shaking hands up to my face, peering over the tops of my fingers because I couldn't stop myself. Edward lay on the bed, still as death.

"Edward?" I choked.

The scene before me was reminiscent of a memorial suspended in time. Edward lay shirtless among the flowers, hands at his sides, wearing only a pair of black pants. I crawled to the dresser and pulled myself up, walking toward the bed on unsteady legs.

Edward was as beautiful as ever—from his artfully tousled autumn hair to his perfectly chiseled features. The damage became evident beneath his strong jawline. Angry scars jagged over his skin in harsh, uneven slashes. A deep furrow traversed the base of his neck. Irregular tears marred the skin of each arm socket, and random gashes covered his torso. Some of the scars were partially healed, and instead of the pinkish-red rawness most trauma victims had, Edward's skin had turned mottled shades of gray in the injured areas. The dull, unhealthy areas were extremely noticeable against the backdrop of his luminous skin.

My vision blurred, hot tears spilling down my face. Edward wasn't burned to ash as I'd been led to believe, but he wasn't truly here, either. I drew closer and blinked away the tears, my gaze traveling over his recumbent form. His face was remarkably untouched, but his eyes were closed and his face frozen in time. The purple-black crescents beneath his eyes and too-pale lips were the only outward signs above the neck that anything was amiss.

"Edward? Boyscout?" I reached a shaking hand out and stroked his face with my index finger. "Wake up, sweet prince."

His skin was icy and unyielding under the pad of my finger—far more so than it had ever been. He truly felt like the marble he resembled now.

I sensed Carlisle before he entered the room. He hovered by the doorway, perhaps unsure how to deal with me.

"I want answers." I spoke with my back to him, never taking my eyes from Edward's perfect face. My gaze roamed over his lips, cheeks, eyes, forehead, looking for any hint of movement. There was none.

"Izzy, I'm sorry about this."

I narrowed my eyes but still didn't turn around. "What exactly are you sorry about? That I found out at all? How dare you play God!"

"We did what we thought was best under the circumstances."

"Tell me." My quiet words were a demand, and I would not leave here until I had the truth.

"Perhaps we should talk in my study."

"No. Right here." I still watched Edward's face closely for some kind of response, a facial tic, anything. "How long has he been like this?"

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Ever since that day."

***IWiPB***

* * *

**A/N: Thoughts, theories? Poor, broken Edward! *sobs* Yes, I write them into these situations, but I have a heart. What you want . . . it's in the next chapter. We're almost to the end. The next chapter is well under way, and I'll be continuing on until it's done. This story will update again before any of my other stories. Kisses.**

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